CHAPTER XXVI
In Which
Grishnákh Learns His ABCs.
Kanga lived in a very lovely home rather to the north of where Pooh and Piglet lived, and to the northwest of Rabbit's sandy burrow. Kanga did not live in a burrow like Rabbit or a tree like Owl. She lived in a nice house that stood squarely on the ground. It had a porch, and windows on either side of the door, and big window boxes that were full of flowers. It also had Kanga, who was pleasant to visit with and always had something tasty to feed you while you were there, and would send you off with something nice when it was time to go.
Right now Rabbit was standing inside of Kanga's house with Kanga and Owl and Pooh, looking around at all the books. They were not gathered up in any one place but in little piles here and there, standing open on end or lying on their side, or holding up attractive objets d'art, or serving in place of chairs. They were not any one sort, either, but consisted of a great variety: big books and small books, short books and tall books, books that were green and books that weren't, books with marble endpapers and gold writing on the cover, books with covers half falling off, and books that didn't have any covers at all.
"Were these really all under Christopher Robin's bed?" asked Pooh. He did not startle easily, but he was disposed to wonder.
"Some of them may have markings in them," said Kanga regretfully. "It was a long time ago, and I told Roo and Tigger not to do that anymore and that it was Disrespectful. Even so, you should still be able to read them. The letters show through the crayon."
"Right," said Owl, staring around him, "the thing to do is…"
He gave what was meant to be a profoundly expressive pause, but as a matter of fact, Owl did not know what the thing to do was at all. Owl was considered to be the foremost scholar and intellectual of the Hundred Acre Wood, and certainly he would not deny knowing a thing or two about a thing or two: about his Great-uncle Robert, for example, and the chief difference between Spotted and Herbaceous Backsons, and how to spell "Tuesday" and the like. But the science of Library Economy was rather less familiar to him.
"The thing to do, I think," said Rabbit, "is to find all of the Geography books and put them in one corner, and all of the History books and put them in another, and so on, until we have gone through all of them and have a sense of what everything is."
"Quite right, Rabbit," said Owl. "That is just what I was going to say myself."
"Do Geography books all have G in them?" asked Pooh hopefully. He thought that he remembered what a G looked like. Christopher Robin had shown him.
"Here are some," said Rabbit as he found a pile of brightly colored little books, which all bore the legend "Peeps at Many Lands" on the covers. As he looked through he hoped to find a Peeps at Many Lands: Isengard or Peeps at Many Lands: Mordor on the cover, but sadly, there was no such luck. They were all peeps at Egypt and Belgium and Norway and Australia. Perhaps Mordor or Isengard were in Australia, but the only way to find that out would be by opening up the book.
"Cheer up, dear fellow. We knew that it wouldn't be easy," said Owl, nudging him with a feathery shoulder.
"Right you are," said Rabbit, stirring himself. "Well! Let's get to sorting."
-.-.-.-
Some time later…
-.-.-.-
When the Orcs came to the Kanga's house it was all four of the Uruk-hai, together with Jashit and Grishnakh. Mauhúr's boys, loyal to a fault, had insisted on coming with him this first day to make sure the whole book business was on the up and up and not just a scheme to put their captain out of reach (unlikely, in Warrung's opinion, but still a possibility to Noglash and Durzlip.) But it was clear when they arrived that they would have to stay outside, under the usual supervision, because they were so large, and space within the little house was limited. Shagrub and Reznib, less loyal to Jashit or just less worried, had not come at all.
"There now, Captain, mind your head," said Kanga as Mauhúr entered very carefully. Even so he narrowly avoided the lintel.
Jashit entered rather less carefully since there wasn't the same danger for him, but his eyes darted all around him. Jashit was very nervous. He had never represented anyone or anything but himself, and even that he felt somewhat doubtful about. Now he was supposed to speak for the goblins of Moria and Mirkwood combined; also there was long-armed Grishnákh behind him, close enough that Jashit could actually feel the heat on his back, but he couldn't put any distance been himself and the Orc of Mordor without bumping into the pride and joy of Isengard. It was moments like this that the phrase "caught between a rock and a hard place" had been coined for.
"…and I'm sorry, but you will have to remind me of your name, dear."
"?" Jashit gave Kanga a wall-eyed look.
"Your name," she prompted him.
"It's Jashit, Marm," he said.
She didn't say a word but looked suddenly very sorry for him, though why he could not see. "I will make you some hot cocoa." Seeing his look of alarm: "Don't worry. I think you will like it."
Rabbit, bent in consideration of one especially large tome, looked up to greet them. He had been expecting Mauhúr and Jashit, of course, but was a little surprised to see Grishnákh. "Oh, hullo," he said. "You've come too, have you?" He said it in a friendly voice, but he was remembering that he hadn't had much interaction with this Orc and none at all the day before. Grishnákh had never actually looked out of the tent or eaten with them or spoken up in the meeting, only sat apart in a kind of watchful brooding silence. It did not make Rabbit apprehensive per se, but it was disquieting.
"You said the goblins must have someone to speak for themselves," said Grishnákh shortly. "But I am neither a goblin nor an Uruk, and have no one to speak for me. I am Grishnákh of Mordor. I serve the Great Eye. And I too would see these books."
"…Right," said Rabbit. Grishnákh's manner was imposing, but there was room enough for him, and if there was no other group that Grishnákh fit into, it was only proper he be here on his own behalf. "Well, you are very welcome, Mister Grishnákh – yes, very welcome. And now, I hope that all three of you will find what you are looking for. We have done our best to equip you for success."
At this point Rabbit explained how it was all going to work. Christopher Robin had left many books behind, but not all of them were about Geography. Some were about poetry, and careers, and animals, and stars and railways and things like that. For the ease of both himself and the Orcs, Rabbit had taken the liberty of culling all books not having to do with Geography and pulling them into an area apart.
"We will certainly show them to you if you wish," Rabbit hastened to add. "We don't want you to think that we are trying to keep anything from you, and besides, maybe you will see some relevance in them that we do not. But I thought the question of location was the most pressing matter, and it seemed to me that that would be the best place to start."
The large book Rabbit had been studying when they came in, quite the largest of the lot, was an atlas, which Rabbit explained was a book wholly given over to maps and should be the most apt to their purpose. There was also a large ball on a kind of mount, which he called a globe. He put it on top of the atlas and invited them each to look at it.
Jashit, not knowing what a globe was, puzzled over it for a time, but it was Mauhúr who finally spoke up. "What is this?" he asked.
"It is the Earth," said Rabbit. "It is a very large ball, and we are all on it. We are here…" Gently and very respectfully he touched a little patch of pink. "We are in England, in Great Britain."
"We're on a ball?" said Jashit blankly.
"Here," said Rabbit, thinking that perhaps it was too low for them to really see it. He picked up the globe and held it higher. "These are continents," he said. "These are oceans – seas – around the continents. These are countries. Here is Great Britain. Here are England, Scotland, Wales…"
It was not an easy explanation. Mauhúr did not understand the point of the ball, or what Rabbit was getting at. That is, he understood the words, but they did not really make sense to him. He understood somewhat better when Rabbit opened the atlas and showed him the same splotches that they had been looking at on the ball, but on the printed page instead. Then it was as if he made a kind of breakthrough in perception as he realized that the places on that page, and all of the other pages in the book, all fit the contours of the globe. He was – it looked to Rabbit – quietly stunned. We are on a ball, he was saying to himself, just as Jashit had.
("But why should they be so surprised?" asked Owl when Rabbit told him about it later. Being a bird, of course he had always known that the world was round. It was a bird's eye view of the world after all, the curve of the horizon falling away on all sides.
Rabbit himself did not say anything. Not being a bird, and remembering when Christopher Robin had shown him these self-same things, he knew a little more of how the Orcs felt. He had once felt much the same.)
Jashit raised his hand toward the globe as if he meant to touch it, then drew back a little. "If I spin it, will we fall off?" he asked nervously.
"No," said Rabbit. "You won't fall off. It is only another kind of map, you see." He looked at Mauhúr and Grishnákh. "Can you find Isengard or Mordor?" he asked.
-.-.-.-
"Eh, Noglash."
"Yes?"
"Do you think I'm getting a gut?"
"…"
"Only I'm a bit worried I will, if this goes on." Durzlip splayed his fingers over his hard-muscled midriff.
Noglash snorted, casting a baleful look around them. "I'd say we should have a practice bout, you and I, to keep in fighting form, but that's not exactly feasible without our swords."
"We could wrestle maybe," suggested Durzlip
Mock horror: "What, and run afoul of the Terms?"
"…Well, we ought to do something, anyhow."
Noglash nodded thoughtfully. "Let's talk to the Captain about it later. He can probably clear something with the Rabbit." He squinted at Durzlip. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Nothing," said Durzlip. Actually he was a little surprised to hear such a reasonable suggestion coming from Noglash, but he decided it was wiser not to say this.
Warrung played no part in the conversation because he was being monopolized by Roo and Tigger, who had brought their book of animal trivia out and were sharing it with him. Roo and Tigger were very enthusiastic about Warrung. He was quite their favorite of the Orcs, partly because he was the tallest, but also because he seemed just as interested in them. Warrung might not know about zebras and ostriches and porpoises and American bison, but he listened to what Tigger and Roo told him, nodding along and storing up all that they had to say in his head. He in turn told them about other creatures, such as Crebain and Mûmakil and Fell Beasts and the Wild Kine of Rhûn.
"Not that I have seen them myself," he said. "They are a sort of cattle, but from what I have been told, they are white in color, and much, much bigger than any kind of cow or bull. Maybe they are as big as these bison you have told me about."
"But not so big as Mûmakil?"
"No, for those beasts, I am told, are so great, they carry whole war-towers on their backs, manned with Men from the South. Also they have noses like long snakes that they can use as we might use our hands, or to spray water like a fountain."
"They sound like Heffalumps," said Roo. "I drew a picture of a Heffalump once! Would you like to see a picture of a Heffalump, Mister Warrung?"
Warrung nodded, and Roo scurried off toward the house, with Tigger bouncing along behind. When they came back it was with Kanga in tow, bringing a little tray with cookies and milk. Warrung had noticed that whenever Kanga appeared, food invariably came with her, almost like magic. He wondered if it had something to do with her pocket, since she kept so much else in there.
"Here is my picture! Look! This is the picture I drew of the Heffalump!"
"He is very proud of his Heffalump," said Kanga. "He draws them all the time."
"…" said Warrung as he stared at it. It did not look quite like anything that he had ever seen, or, indeed, like anything ever seen under the sun.
-.-.-.-
Grishnákh was not in a good mood.
Grishnákh could read Dwarvish Runes, and the Script of Elves and Men. He could read the Black Speech in its purest form, as it was originally devised by Sauron, a common language for all who served him: Mordor's very own answer to Westron. He could read Westron too, and some dialects of the Men of the South. He also (and this he had not told Mauhúr and Jashit) knew a smatter of Easterling phrases. He could speak the brand of Orkish used in Gundabad like a native, and the goblins would have been horrified to realize how much he understood of their piddling Misty Mountain gabble.
But he could not read the character system of the Woodlanders. It was gibberish to him.
Finding himself no better equipped than Mauhúr or Jashit under the circumstances was infuriating, especially after his fraught exchange with Mauhúr the night before. It was unbearable. And so he immediately set to cracking the code. While Mauhúr puzzled over the coastlines of France and Italy or pressed inland, trying to find similarities between the maps he was looking at and the topography he remembered from inner parts of Eriador and Rohan, Grishnákh focused on the words themselves, and the letters that made up the words.
"What's this," he demanded of Rabbit, jabbing his finger at the C in Canada.
"That is C. It stands for Canada, and Cap, and Cat."
"What's this?"
"That is A. It stands for Apple, and Ant, and And. It is the first letter in the Alphabet." Rabbit paused. "Are you trying to learn the Alphabet?" he asked. "There is a book that teaches the ABCs. Let me go get it."
It turned out there were twenty-six letters in the English Alphabet. This was very good, by Grishnákh's way of thinking, because it was fewer than the Cirth, the sixty-some Rune-characters used by Dwarves and Men, or the thirty-seven letters of the Tengwar, the Elf script that was also used by the Men of Gondor. But the twenty-six letters of the English alphabet had larger and smaller case versions, which irritated Grishnákh no end, because he had been thinking that simply learning these ABCs would be enough for him to make an assault on the books around him.
Once again Rabbit came to his assistance. "A apple pie," which Rabbit remembered very well from when Christopher Robin was learning the ABCs, should easily familiarize Grishnákh with the smaller case letters of the alphabet as well. And so Rabbit showed him the page that said:
A apple pie. B bit it, C cut it, D dealt it, E eats it, F fought for it, G got it, H had it, I was ill from it, J jumped for it, K knelt for it, L longed for it, M mourned for it, N nodded for it, O opened it, P peeped into it, Q quartered it, R ran for it, S sang for it, T took it, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z each had a slice and went off to bed.
The example for U, V, W, X, Y and Z was patently useless as far as Grishnákh was concerned, and he said so, in rather harsher terms than Rabbit thought necessary.
"Never mind," said Rabbit politely. "There are others for them – " and by the way: K, he really felt he had better explain while he was about it, the example for K was perhaps somewhat deceptive. While it was true that K made a nuh sound when followed by N, as in knelt, it normally made a hard cutting sound instead. But of course C was for cut in this instance and kut was not a word but a misspelling.
"What about "kill," then?" said Grishnákh. "'I was ill from it, J jumped for it, K killed for it'?"
Well, said Rabbit, a trifle warily (W was wary of it), of course that was true enough, but since killing wasn't a very nice example he supposed that was why the poem did not U use it.
Grishnákh nodded, but the expression on his face showed that he thought this was very weak tea.
When they had arrived at more satisfactory examples for U, V, W, X, Y and Z –
("U used it, V was vexed by it, W wanted it, X excused it – see, I have underscored that one – and Z? Well, I'm afraid there really isn't anything for Z… Fine then, a zebra. Yes. A zebra came along and ate it.")
– Rabbit felt that he more than done his part by the English Alphabet. And so he left Grishnákh alone to brood on the matter by himself.
Mauhúr and Jashit, busy with their maps, did not appreciate the impressive and even frightening strides that Grishnákh was making as he taught himself to read over the course of the day. Grishnákh sullen and Grishnákh angry and Grishnákh being studious were by outward appearance much the same. So it is not surprising that they should assume, from the Mordor Orc's continuing glower, that he was doing anything but sulk in the corner, even when the thoughts going through his head at that moment were actually:
"This is a boy.
"Jack is a boy.
"Dick is a boy.
"This is a girl.
"Mary is a girl.
"Jill is a girl."
– and so on.
By noon, Grishnákh had absorbed silent e and the chief digraphs to be found in English (ph and th and the aforementioned kn and so on), so he was beginning to piece together words like sham and chafe and thing and gnaw and knife and phoneme (Rabbit had given him a dictionary by this point, which greatly furthered his education.)
By tea time he had learned enough to become dangerous.
-.-.-.-
As for Mauhúr, by tea time he was despairing. He had looked all through the atlas, and Jashit was just spinning the globe aimlessly on its axis, watching the nations of the world rush by in a blur of pink and green and sepia. Neither of them had found a coastline or an interior that really looked like anything they recognized. Grishnákh, now equipped to read the names of all those nations, albeit very slowly and carefully, finally deigned to join them. Running his finger through the long index of maps included in the Atlas, he gave terse confirmation of their findings.
Mordor and Moria were not to be found between Montserrat and Morocco. Mississippi, not Mirkwood, followed Miquelon. Ireland skipped straight to Italy and there was no sign of Isengard anywhere.
"So we're not on the ball," was Jashit's takeaway. Which of course begged the question: Was there another ball somewhere that they were supposed to be on instead?
Mauhúr pondered the thing, uneasily, in his mind. And Grishnákh, who had faded into silence after Yemen, kept his own counsel.
-.-.-.-
Disclaimer: Tolkien's works, characters and concepts are copyright J.R.R. Tolkien. Milne's works, characters and concepts are copyright A.A. Milne.
Fangorn Wood and all original characters therein are copyright The Lauderdale (cartoon6 at hotmail dot com). "Chapter XXVI" published July 28, 2018.
"Here are some," said Rabbit as he found a pile of brightly colored little books, which all bore the legend "Peeps at Many Lands" on the covers. This was a real series published for children in the early 20th century.
He in turn told them about other creatures, such as Crebain and Mûmakil and Fell Beasts and the Wild Kine of Rhûn. "The wild white kine that were still to be found near the Sea of Rhûn were said in legend to be descended from the Kine of Araw, the huntsman of the Valar, who alone of the Valar came often to Middle-earth in the Elder Days. Oromë is the High-elven form of his name." (The Return of the King, Appendix A)
Ireland skipped straight to Italy and there was no sign of Isengard anywhere. Alert readers will notice that there was no sign of Israel either. The House at Pooh Corner was published in 1928, and Christopher Robin Milne began his formal schooling in 1929. All of the books that he left behind were published prior to 1928. Israel declared itself a nation two decades later, in 1948.