Chapter 26

Maddie,

If you're reading this I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm not there to help you through the pain I know you're going through right now and I'm sorry that I'm the cause of it. My brother and friend Jax got himself into a bind and I went in knowing that I'd give my life to save him. It needed to happen, that's why I joined the club and that's why I loved the club with undying devotion. I lost my way when Donna died and I never really found my way back, then when Pop died I was ready to turn my back on my club. I didn't sacrifice myself for the club - I did it for Jax, simply for the fact that he would have done it for me.

I didn't leave this letter to hurt you, I left it to help you understand. You have always been my favorite sister even when you were being an asshole. Please don't be mad at me now Maddie, I know you love my kids but they need to stay with Lyla. Not because I don't think you're capable of being a great mom to them but because I don't want to saddle you with that, you'll resent it someday. I want you to live your life and do the things you want: if you want to go on a bender and get drunk, I want you to do that; if you want to finally get your head out of your ass and write, I want that for you. You can't do those things with two kids depending on you, and regardless of what happened between me and Lyla she loves those kids and they love her. Remember she's a good mom despite her choice of job. She's going to need your help. Help her by being the kids' aunt like you have always been because they love you too.

Maddie this letter is also meant to keep you safe. I don't want any more damage done to my family and I don't want you to get caught up in anything. The club is on a path I don't think Jax can save it from, he wants to but it's too far gone. There are some truths I held from you that I shouldn't have but I didn't want you to deal with that hurt. Please listen to me Maddie: get away from Charming and get away from the club. I know how you feel about Happy but you need to get out of it before it brings you down and takes everything from you. Donna's death wasn't an accident. It wasn't a rival club that hit her, it was my own club. Clay thought I was a rat and he went behind the club's back and had Tig do the hit. The hit was meant for me but Donna took my truck that night. Jax knows the truth about this and so did Pop, or at least he suspected it. We kept it hidden from the rest of the club but I shouldn't have because I allowed Clay to continue his path of destruction. Pop's death is my fault Maddie. Clay saw him as a threat because Pop had some information on him, I don't know what it was but Clay shot and killed him for it and tried to pin it on the cartel. Unser told me the truth and I told Jax. That fucker is still allowed to wear a kutte and that's why I didn't want the Sons at the funeral. I don't fault Jax, not really. He was given the gavel at a shitty time and he is trying to clean up Clay's mess. I'm the one who shot Clay. I did it to try and stop all the lies and betrayal but Jax stopped me before I put a bullet between his eyes. I'm sorry Maddie, I should have told you all of this when I was around so I could help you deal with the pain it's going to cause. I know you don't tend to listen to other people and that's one of the things I love about you, but please listen before Clay comes for you or Happy is forced to make a decision between you and the club. Get out of Charming and get away from anyone in the club including Happy and Jax. I know that they will do their best to keep you safe but their best isn't good enough, it'll get you killed or your heart broken if it isn't already.

You know why I love you Maddie? Because I always knew you loved me, no matter what fucked up shit happened. I never had to question that.

I'll say hi to Pop for you.

Love you always,

Opie.

Maddie wanted to crumple the letter, throw it off the building and pretend it didn't exist and that she had never read it. Every word of it had caused her already cracked heart to fracture even more. The men she had cried with yesterday, the ones she had mourned with, had not only betrayed her and her family but had caused all this pain to begin with. They had taken almost everybody she loved, away from her. She knew the letter wasn't just to get her to break things off with Happy, it was her brother trying to protect her from beyond the grave. Tears splashed onto the letter as she folded it up and slid it back in her bag. She got up from her perch on the rooftop and went back down to the hallway. Dazed, she walked through the empty clubhouse and found herself standing in front of the wall of mug shots. Looking at her brother's face defiantly staring back at her, her body trembled with rage for everything that she had lost and everything that Opie would never get to see. He'd never get to walk Ellie down the aisle at her wedding or see his grandchildren born. He'd never even get to see them start high school. She ripped the picture off the wall and flung it on the floor, watching the glass shatter into shards. She stormed towards the prospect who was cleaning up from the night before. "Where's Jax?" she said through her labored angry breathing.

"He's in church."

Maddie didn't wait for him to say anything else as she stormed towards the closed doors. Wrenching them open, she found Jax and Bobby sitting at the table. "Get out Bobby" she bit out. Bobby looked at Jax until he gave a nod to leave.

"Cancel it Jax."

"Cancel what?"

"Everything you have planned for my brother's funeral. I don't want you or any patches there. You haven't earned the right to pay your respects to my brother."

"Maddie what are you talking about?"

"Opie told me everything, left me a letter. Told me about Donna about Piney. How much of this does the club know?" she asked, desperate to know how far the betrayal went.

"No one knows about Donna because Opie didn't want it. Everyone knows Clay killed Piney, he confessed but didn't tell the truth about it, claimed that Piney drew on him first."

"How could you Jackson? How could you let him get away with it? How could Clay be allowed to hold that patch, he went behind the back of the club and put a hit on my brother then he killed my father. You stopped Opie from killing him and now Opie's dead."

"I know Mad, I'm trying to make it right."

"Make it right Jax? How do you make this right? The sad thing is you believe you can, but you just keep going down further and further. Gemma raped, Able and Tara kidnapped, Tara almost kidnapped again, Otto locked up, Donna, Luanne, Piney and Kozik all dead, and now Opie's dead and that's just the last three fucking years. You can't make any of that right. You should have let Opie kill Clay, at least you would have done one thing right."

"There was no proof Maddie. If I let Opie kill him or let it get out that Opie shot him, Op would have lost his patch or faced a mayhem vote."

"Well he's fucking dead now Jax! Tell the club the truth."

"I can't Maddie there's still no proof. I hate it, I hate that Clay is alive but I fucking need him for the Irish deal."

"It always comes back to club with you! Opie has been your friend since birth."

"And it kills me that he's gone! He gave his life for me Maddie, I lost my best friend."

"And I lost my fucking brother! You stay away Jax, you and this goddamn club! You're not welcome at the services today" she said, storming towards the door.

"What am I supposed to tell the guys Maddie?"

The hatred in her eyes was clear as she turned to face him. "Tell them whatever lie you want but I don't want to see a fucking Sons patch there! Remember Jax I know where the bodies are buried."

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"I own Pop's land now. I'm sure the cops would love for me to let them bring their cadaver dogs out there and take a look around."

"Are you threatening me Maddie?"

"No Jax just stating fact. No fucking patches and stay the fuck out of my life. If you don't, Pops's cabin will be swarming with cops and you'll be in cuffs before nightfall. I'll spill the beans about Donna too, I don't give a fuck about your reasons for keeping it a secret. You let my family get destroyed for your precious club, so now you can keep your club away from what's left of my precious family!"

Keeping her head down as she left the club, she didn't bother to return anyone's greetings. She left the lot in silence and drove to the cemetery only to be greeted with the sight of her mother standing between Lyla and the kids. Maddie made her way over to the gravesite and eyed the empty chairs for the Sons that wouldn't be there. Before her mother had the chance to open her mouth, Maddie warned "Fuck off Ma, I've had a bad day. We can start now, nobody else is coming." She had called Skeeter and told him not to go to the clubhouse and do the customary trip through town with the Sons and to just go to the cemetery instead.

After the short service, she remained seated even after her mother had left and Lyla had taken the kids with her. Maddie wasn't surprised when she stood and saw the black club van parked next to her car nor was she surprised to see Happy standing there smoking. "What are you doing here? I told Jax no Sons."

"I ain't wearing my kutte, you said no patches." She hadn't failed to notice that he was dressed in just a plain t-shirt and jeans. It was a touching gesture. Aside from his rings and his tattoos, there was nothing indicating he belonged to a MC.

"That's a technicality Hap, Jax and you know damn well what I meant."

"You fucking just going to leave without a goodbye, Mad?"

"Yeah that was the plan."

"That isn't how it works between us."

"And how does it work between us now Hap? You knew, you knew Clay killed Piney."

"Opie didn't want you knowing."

"You should have told me, you fucking kept that from me. Who knows what other dirty club secrets you know that you aren't telling."

"There ain't anything else."

"I don't believe you. We're done Hap, stay the fuck away from me. I'm getting rid of everything Sons before the club takes me down with it. The Winstons don't need to add another name to the Sons' death toll, we're already well represented." She moved to walk away from him but he grabbed her wrist and pulled her back.

"This isn't how we end Maddie."

"Yes it is Hap, I can't trust you or anyone in the club. All its lies and bullshit get people killed."

"Baby girl I know you're mad about losing Opie, but you can't blame that on the club. The same could've happened to any of the members, that's the life and Opie knew that."

"It didn't have to end that way. It could've ended with my brother still alive and his family whole. It's not just about Opie, it's everything: Donna and Piney, I can't give any more blood. Otto was right to think that shit between you and I would end bloody, I just didn't think it'd be Opie's blood."

"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about."

"Ask Jax. Happy I meant it, we're done. You tell Jax that I'll keep his secrets and Pop's cabin but I don't want to see a Samcro patch within a block of my house, including you. Now get your fucking hands off me."

Happy released her hand and watched her walk to her car and leave without giving him a second glance. He knew she had a talk with Jax this morning and from what Phil told him, it was a heated talk. Whatever it was, it had set her off on an anti Samcro binge. He had noticed that Opie's letter was gone this morning, he wasn't sure what was in it but it had started whatever was going on with her. Seeing the hatred in her eyes towards him was something new, she'd never looked at him that way before. Yeah she had been pissed at him before and he'd seen the fire in her eyes but this was different. When she looked at him today, he saw coldness. The sparkle that was normally in her green eyes had been replaced with hard bitterness.

Maddie spent the drive to Bakersfield with the radio turned up and a cigarette always on hand, anything to avoid thinking. When she pulled up to her house, she cursed at the sight of Happy's bike still parked outside. Not wanting a confrontation with him when he came to retrieve it, she went the only other place she could think of.

Rosa Lowman was sitting in her chair by the window watching the world. At the sound of the door opening, she turned to see a distraught Maddie standing in front of her. Seeing the complete sorrow in the young girl's face, she reached her arms out to Maddie. "Oh baby, Happy called and told me about your brother." Dropping on the floor in front of her, Maddie put her head into Rosa's lap as Rosa stroked the girl's hair and let her cry. "I thought you'd still be in Charming."

"I couldn't stay there Rosa. I couldn't stay at Opie's house with him not there."

"I know sweetheart, your poor broken heart. Why didn't you stay with Happy?"

"Oh Rosa" Maddie sobbed. "I broke things off with him" she said, turning her tear stained face to look up at Rosa.

"Why would you do that baby?"

Maddie told her everything about her father's death and the club's role in hiding it. She left the part out about Donna because for some reason she still couldn't bring herself to say what had really happened. "I can't be around the club anymore Rosa and Happy is the club. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry Madelynn. Give it time, these wounds heal with time."

"Can I still come see you though even if I'm not with happy?" Maddie's voice was tinged with desperation and she was suddenly unsure if she could stand another loss today.

"Of course! Happy should have told you about your father but I'm sure he had his reasons, he always does."

"Yeah the club. He broke my heart even more today, I can't trust him."

"My poor dear Madelynn he would never hurt you on purpose, you said so yourself that Opie told him to keep it from you."

"But he's still part of the club Rosa, that will never change and I can't have them in my life."

"Give it time Madelynn give it time. But for now you stay right here with me okay?" As Maddie placed her head in Rosa's lap, the older woman resumed her soothing strokes of Maddie's hair.

"I love you Rosa, don't ever leave me too."

"I love you too. I'm not going anywhere yet, I still have some fire in me."

Maddie spent the night sleeping in the recliner next to Rosa's bed. There was something overwhelmingly comforting about being wrapped in the Rosa's afghan and listening to the even breaths of her sleeping soundly next to her. Neither woman woke when Happy entered late in the night. Phil had dropped him off to get his bike and finding her house empty, he knew where Maddie would be. He had wanted to come and make sure that Maddie was okay and seeing her sleeping soundly next to his mother he knew she was in good hands. He left without waking the women and headed back to Charming alone.

Maddie grabbed the groceries from the back seat of her car. It had been a long day of meeting with publishers and editors and she wanted nothing but to get home and enjoy the bottle of wine that was in the bag in her hand. As she walked up her front steps, she saw a small package on her doorstep. Stooping to pick it up she headed inside. Once the groceries were put away, she returned her attention to the package. It was just a plain cardboard box with no address label on it, her name scribbled on top of it. Opening the box, she immediately retched when she saw the contents. As she leaned over the sink, she closed her eyes but found herself unable to erase the image of the bloody body part. The bloody body part that was wrapped in plastic and sitting in the box on her kitchen counter.

Again I cried when I wrote this chapter. I feel bad for Maddie but all this pain will make sense in the future.