ITS MY LIFE! (The commentary, or rather, another one) Chapter 26: Marissa games: Tuneless, a portal fanfic

(Alright, another week's come and gone. I've been on painkillers and ibuprofen, had a complete physical, a few sessions of therapy and cuddled the biggest teddy bear I could find. And only now do I feel ready to continue this shit... thank god there's only a few chapters left.)

A OTHER CHAPTER ALREDY?! IM SO GOOD!111 (You're good at spitting and vomiting on the face of well written fanfiction, Portal, the Hunger Games and the English Language in general.) ANYAY IS STILL CANT REMBER WAT THE CHAPTER NUMBRE WAS (Then go back and check it?) SO ILL CALL THIS ON CHAPTER 2 (Ok, are you completley braindead? You'd have to be completley idiotic to think this is CHAPTER 2! Then again, this is you so...) OK, IN...

THE MARRISSA GAMES

CHAPTER 2: LET THE GAMES BEGGIN (The games are begging, to get you to stop writing.) (LOVE YA WHEETLY!11) (...did Marissa somehow work her way into the author's note?)

I o-mouthed (I will never accept that stupid fucking term.) in shok an Haymish an Peeta Peeta Sandich Eata an Effie an Bissness Man an Prim all sheered at me, I had gotted the highest score ever!~~ (You sure did you conniving little narcissistic wench.) "Thats a good skore Marrissa, (It's so good it actually broke the rules of the competition.) but dont get cooky, the othes are super dangerous, specially Fresh." Haymicht instruted. (Yes, Thresh is very dangerous, that's why we didn't even see him earlier.)

From the esploded dore some peacekeepers came an grabbbed me an Prim an Peeta Peeta Sandich Eata (The Peacekeepers don't need to drag them everywhere, they could just ask them and they'd have to come, apparently...) "Time for yur interviews!". We was taked to a big statium were tons of capitols an flamer trolz an camras an others were all washing. (Washing in the stadium? Cmon guys, stuff's about to go on here!) I was putted on a chair necks to a old guy wit funny hare. (Oh boy, Ceaser Flickman... I can't wait to see how he's bastardized.)

"My name si Ceaser, I can talk to dogs." (...Author, do you just make up random shit ti rub in our faces how bad you are?) I OMGed it wass TEH DOG WHISPERSER, (...yeah, yeah you do, don't you?) hes a cool guy an I used to wash his show (Why would you wash it? That's just nonsensical.) on the tv wen I was at Portal Labs (after GLaDOS was kill off course, she didant let me do nothin but test). (Ugh... this is ridiculous.) "So Marrissa I herd that yur the first ever 3 tribute Hunger Game? Is dere anyoen yur fightin for?" (I don't think that'd be the first point of the interview...)

I thot about Wheatly an Chell Junor back at Distract 12 bein all scared for me (I think they could care less, we haven't seen hide nor hair of them since chapter 3...) an teers welted up in my eyes. "I have a grate hubby an dotter hopin for me back at D12." (Trying to give a slang name to a district is just terrible.) I sucked in my teers becos if I reel cried it wuld show weekness an I wold get kill (Crying might actually give you the "Loving mother" appearence that might've even given you an edge... seriously, why didn't Haymitch go over this?) but the peeps all "Awwww" at me an cheered an waved. (Because Marissa is adored for anything she does.) I just noo that Whealy an Chell Junor was watchin an bein brave for moomy. (They don't have TVs in District 12.) "Thats all the tyme we haf (Bullshit, interviews with Ceaser don't just involve one damn question, that's not an interview at all!) now good luck Marrisse I hope you win!" Ceeser dog voiced (Dog voiced? Really? Fuck me this is stupid...) an I went of the stage. Haymath an Effie clappded me on the back an Effie whipsered "you relay moved them!" (With their bare minimum applause and "awww" noise.)

Next up was Cato but Ceeser was RELAY MAD at him becos he was cat. (Did she add in this dog part simply to do this stupid joke?) "BARK BARK BARK!1131" Barkled Ceaser wit angry an he chased Cato a round the hole stage (Hahah... its like a Tom and Jerry routine, but lacking that one important. Umm what was it again um... oh yeah, HUMOUR!) but everpone thout it was part of teh show an lolled. (Everyone's so easy to amuse in this fic.) Cato gotted up a tree (That just so happened to be in the studio... i'm gonna guess Marissa pulled it out of her ass for the occasion.) so Ceber calmed down an had the next one it was... Skep! (Wow how surprising that this character who has been established before is here now. Plot tweest.)

"Soo Skep I heered that yuo are gonna do a spesal permorfance for all the people tonite!" (Everyone being interviewed is supposed to do something different you mongoloid!) Ceaser anticipated. Skep nodded with hed then stand up and riped her dress off! (Oh god she's going to flash the audience...) Underneeth was rock n roll cloths like MCR or Avril Lavinge! (...oh god its even worse, isn't it?) She groped Caeser's micky (EUGH!) an yellt "HEY CAPTIOLS ARE U REDY TO ROKKK!?2323397!?" (Ok, there is no excuse, the 7 and 9 are way too far away for that to be a mistake!) An they all did a huge cheer. (Because music tastes are exactly the same in the future.)

Skep taked a deep breth an me an Peeta Peeta Sandwich Eata an Bissness Man an Effie an Haymother an Prim all o-mouthed (HEUGHLACKLE!) at wat was happenin, she was steelin my thundar! (Yes she stole your thunder of being an emotional dry rag.) Then SKEP stared TO SGING! (Oh god...)

I TROLL EVERY DAY AN NITE

ALWAYS KEEPIN UP TEH FITE

DOIN MY MTS AN IN THE THINGS

I SAY I WANNA MAKE HORRIBLE COMMANTS

AN RITE NOW IM WEARIN PANTS (AN: SORRY THIS WAS HARD TO RIME) (Then look up a different rhyme for it!)

I FLAMETROLL YOU, I DRIVIN CRAZY

I ALWAYS TROLLIN, I KEEP ON TROLLIN (So, she's going to do a whole song based on nothing short of how she likes to troll Marissa? For fucks sake, real life certainly does write the plot, doesn't it?)

I WANNA FLAME AN TROLL ALL NITE AN MST DURN THE DAY

I WANNA FLAME AN TROLL ALL NITE AN MST DURN THE DAY (Is there even any damn music going on during this? Is she just scream singing to the audience?!)

IM GONNA TROLL U FOR ALL TIME WHILE

AND YUR DUM AN GOT NO RITIN STYLE

I TROLL ALL NITE, I STD (Well done, even in your big troll attack you get it wrong in the msot hillarious way possible.) ALL DAY

ILL NEER STOP TROLLIN

AN THEN ILL SAY MARRISSA

SUKS AN ILL KILL YOU IN GAMES

I ALWAYS TROLLIN, I KEEP ON TROLLIN (This is downright embarrasing... I feel ashamed to be reading this crap now...)

I WANNA FLAME AN TROLL ALL NITE AN MST DURN THE DAY

I WANNA FLAME AN TROLL

MARRISSA SUKS! ! ! ! !88 (The 8 also has no reason to be there.)

Skep doble jumped of the stage an landed in a figure ate an did devil sine! How wold I beet when Critis United was the in charge/.? (Just fucking slaughter them, you have no problem killing strippers and officials.) "Torromow you will game Marrissa, so go get sum sleep." (And of course, none of the other tributes are important enough to be shown in their interviews. Excellent.) Haymith oroperated (No, that verb is in the wrong context, get a godamn clue author.) sternlay. I goed wif Prim an Peeta Peeta Sandwich Eata to are trane cars. (Apparently sleeping on the train is just fine... you know, the train they might be able to escape on... stupid capitol.)

MEANWHILE Capntan Wip Whittaker (...what?) was flyin a plane from Mulhollan Drive to the Captiol. (Oh god, we're including Flight in this crap now?! WHY?! DO YOU HAVE ADD AUTHOR?!) "Oh man I am soooo hi on drugs an beer!3" Whittled (Guess what? You're still not funny.) him to the copolite wile druggin a beer. (I think he's compotent enough to know not to use drugs and beer while FLYING!) He was a flyer man sins bein a kid but inner demons mad him drug an beer. (Scuse me while I just intro ANOTHER character for no goddamn reason.) There wase sooo much drug smoke in there that u cudant see (So much smoke I couldn't see? When did we cahnge POVs?) an the plane was flyin crazy. Wip wiped out his windown but the plan hwas in a talespin becos he putted so much drug in teh engines. (...drugs in the engines. I didn't know PLANES could be drug addicts in the future.) Eh new things was lookin bad but he bravefased (No. Your made up verbs are not funny.) to coprolite an say:

"ITS TURBO TIM!2!21" (Oh good, more crappy references...) Wip rabed the stranchweel flippin an floatin the plan upside down to barf (Planes can't barf...) an brake. "URRUBBB!" Yellted the Coop an vlommited all over the screen (Delightful image... we really needed that added.) so he cudant see the landin. "GREAT GRUGS WEER GOON DYE!12" (Oh no, a character I don't care about might die...) Wip backhanded hims (Taking his hands off the controls, good idea.) "NO I CAN DOIT!"HE yell an did a barral role (I'm surprised she didn't point out this joke.) thru bildins an a engint fell of an landed on Katniss howse back in Distract 12 (Oh yeah, where the protagonist was... kinda forgot she was in this fic after the author bastardized her.) an becos it was soooo full of a poop (Christ's sakes...) it all cashed fire an made a huge fire that burnded down a hole lotta plases. (That's it, just murder the good citizens of District 12 for some fucking random character...)

"HOLD ON BOIS!1223111111111!11!" Wip stirred the plane almost to rite (Uh, you've already crashed, I don't think you can do that much in terms of steering...) an they was headnin for a big smashle rite next to me (AN I DIDANT MO BECOS I WAS A SLEEP). (...wait, what? He crashed into Katniss' house and Marissa is somehow there? Is there some random spacial rend between District 12 and the capitol suddenly?) SLUMBOMBAMMERJUMJUMWHAAM the plane said (The plane said... fucks sake.) as it crushed inot the floor. The cooplite was grotated from the waste (And the pilot of course thought nothing of it.) down an a other lady gotted her foot stuck in a tray tabel (Seriously?) but the perssure was 2 much an it snaped foot off (...no tray table is that tough.) but her head was crooshed so it didnt care. (Wasn't that pointless?) "YEEEEAOUCH!" Screemed copiolite at the distruction of his legs an feet an balls to pulp. (And as usual, the author delights in causing random people intense pain for no reason.)

Wipe unburnded his flesh with belts (How did he survive if the co-pilot didn't?) an fisted out thru the windown SMASSH and floo sum speeds an landed at dore of the trane (Ain't this just fuckin' stupid?) an nocked.

"Ill getit!" Haymish sobered (If you can't use your verbs in the correct context, DON'T USE THEM AT ALL.) an went at dore to open an see Captain of Druggin Plane Wip Whittaker. Haymitch o-mouthed an yell "WIP WHITTAKER MY OLD FREND (My old friend that i've never talked about ever!) HOW U HEER?!" (Check the damn plane crash behind the train?)

"Hey Heyman I just 'droped in', lol" (I also caused a couple hundred deaths and stuff, but who cares about that?) He said lollin wile point a the plane crash. (Back to what I said in chapter 2: EVERYONE'S AN ASSHOLE.) He looked round an putted his eyeball back in (it was disrotted by the crash but the capitla has good medikals to fix it), (None of those medicals that are present right at that moment.) "Got any drugs an beer?" Smacked (I repeat my earlier sentance.) Wipe.

"Nope I cleened up my act to help Marrissa an Prime an Peeta Peeta Sandwich Eata win the Huntger Games." (In a far less convincing way than Haymitch did in the book.) Wip gotted a funny look on his fase like a mad or sumthin. (Could it be because he's bad?) "tHEN can I use yur tolite I gotta make sum bowel bombs #!" (This fic's toilet humour is always so fitting.) "Sure ites oln the left." Wip sumpted down teh hall past me room an Primj an Peeta Peeta Sandwich Eatas rom. (You didn't have to state everyone's name.) But instate of goin in the bath room he just keeped walkin till was at a other dore (And I guess no-one watched him... hard to miss someone on a train.) and opened it an goed in.

"OMG wat took u so long b****?" It was... ATLAS AN P-BODY7! (Zomg... such a surprise...) Atlas was lookin a at playboy mag an P=Body was snortin coak. (Good to know we can be assured that Tweedlearse and Tweedlehole are still their namesake.) "Sorry I had a littel turbalanse. So whats the down lo?" He say bissness time like becos it was serios bissness now. (U gots to srs faec with me. Do u c mai srs faec? :I)

"Well... Pisient Snow sad we gotta drug an beer up Haymith (Nice to see President Snow has his priorities straight...) so hell not help that dum b**** Marrissa win teh games." (Yes, god forbid that Ms Godmod Marissa doesn't get help from Haymitch...) =-Body interoparted. "Sownds lick a plan!" An they all lolled with evil!2 (And of course no-one else on the train heard it... also why has no-one realised the Tweedles are hiding on the train?)

NEXT DAY

It was finlay time for the games. (Good, now the stupidity can come to a head.) I was soo nervos but Bissness Man an Effie an Haymouth an Prim an Peeta Peeta Sandwich Eata all said (At once, because it saves time.) "Dont worry Marrissa yur gonna win for show!" (And she probably will too... I mean she's the main character and essentially godmodded.) I smied at the brave words an I gotted on the standy thing.

"Hey u guys arent tributes!" A gaymaker (Stop it. Just, stop.) yelled at Teen Fortress 2!. (Well, yeah indeed, a whole group of people can't be tributes... unless its just two of them.) "Yes we are." Scot said. "Then wat distract are u?" (Wow, competence. That's rare.) "Distract 3" Smarted (USE YOUR VERBS RIGHT.) ingineer with quick. (So they picked Scout and Inginiir to be tributes? Kinda random, I would've picked the medic and the spy personally, they'd work better in a team.) "Oh sum other guys said they was distract 3 earlier they must be imposiers Ill go kill them now." (...and there goes compotence. By that logic, I could say I was the real tribute for District 12 and thus have Marissa killed.) Teen Fortress 2 (...I was being too optimistic when I thought it would just be Inginiir and Scout, wasn't I?) did hi five an goed to there spoots.

"ALLRITE GUYS AN GIRLS ITS TIME. TO. HUNGER GAME!231" A lowd said (Is it SO hard to just add the word VOICE in your godamn sentance?) an we raisded up. "BE BRAFE MARRISSA YUR THE WORLDS ONLY HOPE!" (Just let her die... please...) Hyamish shotted wat the the heck did that meen? (Oh take a godamn guess Marissa.) I alsready saved the world from Assram an the zomboys! (Yes, because Assface was and is the only threat to the world.) Maybe he waws druggin an beerin a gane (Yes, that's a perfectly logical explanation.) but I didant half time to think becos we were upped to Hunger Arenea..

I was a grassy wit sum forests an lakes. (And of course this fucking author can't even think of a more original arena. It's not always a godamn forest you moron.) All teh tribeuts was in a circle round (LOL) (LOL INDEED. YOU MADE THE EASIEST JOKE IN THE WORLD AND FELT THE NEED TO POINT IT OUT. WELL DONE.) a big mettle thing (Going to assume this is the cornucopia.) full a cannons an guns an weapons an food. (...uhhh no. The Cornucopia does NOT carry guns or cannons. If it did, the games would be over in a few seconds. They only carry melee weapons and maybe a bow in order to prolong the games and therefore make it more entertaining. It is used for media appeal after all.) I liked my lips at all the tasty an weapons (Mmm delicious weapons that shouldn't be there!) but I rembered that Haymish said to run but I wanted to get those. (When did he tell you that? He never even mentioned it.)

Sensual Crane came on the sky. (Uh, no. Seneca Crane is a game maker, he controls the arena. Claudius Templesmith is the announcer... lemme guess, didn't do the research?) "ALLRITE. GET REDDY TO FITE. IN FIVE. FORE. THREE. 2... PONE11121211111111!" (Let the lame begin.) We all ranned towards the corpicone even tho Haymitch sat not to. (Fuck what he said, I make my own rules!) Peeta Peeta Sandwich Eata gotted a chainsawsword (Nope. That wouldn't be in the cornucopia either... but in the magical world of Marissa Land -.- ) an slissed Remotey in to 2 halfs (Good thing that character we never even developed on died so soon... ) wile Primp strungled Pony Strongbad! (Two down already... good good.) a

"************" Yellt Sweary Guy (He just yelled a bunch of asterisks? Seriously?) as he fownd a bazooker (NOPE.) an shot it at Heavy (Alright, so this confirms the entirety of the TF2 team were allowed to enter as the tributes from District 3... that is fucking bullshit, even for this fic.) but he was soooooo fat the blast only hurt him a littel (Well that does make sense in video game logic since the Heavy has so much HP...) an he lolled so Sweary Guy had to run. (Oh yeah, don't think to fire it again.) Fresh, the hooge black guy, was climin the cornicopter like King Kong an throwed nives at people (Yes because that's how Thresh acts... why am I even complaining?) to kill them. It was toooo dangeros so I had to leaf. (Please just zap everyone with your fucking powers to get this overwith.) I was runnin an runnin an runnin till I goat to a forest. (You're SURROUNDED by forest!)

Now it was on. I wold half to kill eberyone (AKA killing everyone who's a "falmer troll" an get home to Wheatly an Chell Junor. Thins just gotted real... (Well considering you're pretty much invincible and you have an entire ARMY of allies, so many so they OUTNUMBER the other tributes, this should be over in one chapter. Two tops.)

TO BE CONTINUED!

THSI WAS A LUNG CAHPTER (I noticed the pain was extended for this one.) BECOS I WAS TIRED OF WAITIN FOR THE GAMES TO START, (I wasn't.) NEXT TIME HO WILL LIFE AN HO WILL DIE? (Let me predict. All the Falmer trollz will die, Glimmer, Rue, Thresh, Foxface and Cato will also probably die and anyone connected to Marissa will live.) FIND OUT NEXT TIME!

(Its amazing how the author tried to start the games in this chapter with two tiny paragraphs, not to mention the song just COMPLETLEY stole focus with how fucking stupid it was. Well, we get the games proper next chapter... i'm sure they'll be the focus and we won't get some stupid plot twists involving any past characters and blah blah blah.)