Sundas 22 Morning Star 202 4E 8:30 AM

"Absolutely not!" Jarl Balgruuf the Greater roared.

Lydia and I had decided to only stop at High Hrothgar long enough to let them know what was going on with Alduin before continuing our journey down the Seven Thousand Steps. We stayed the night at Ivarstead with Klimmek before leaving the next morning. When we arrived last night, it was very late and Lydia barely managed to make a fire to keep us warm while I pulled fresh sheets on my bed before we had passed out. I didn't have enough energy to make Lydia's bed and the extra body heat made the cold night a little more bearable.

"I want to sleep in my own bed," Lydia had whined.

"Shut up, bitch, and get in my bed," I had grumbled as I pushed her onto the mattress before climbing in. Both of us had been asleep moments later.

This morning, we had grabbed some dry fruit for our breakfast before coming up to Dragonsreach to make my appeal to Balgruuf to use the keep for its original purpose – to capture a dragon.

"Jarl Balgruuf, please," I begged, "the state of the world hangs in the balance."

"Diana," he said a bit more gently, "I feel sympathy for you, but I cannot allow this. There is a war on my doorstep and I cannot afford to move any of my defenses away from it. Maybe if I didn't have to worry about Ulfric attacking…"

"That's a bullshit excuse and you know it!" I snapped.

Irileth growled and started to pull her sword as she stepped forward. "How dare you speak with such crass language to your jarl, you uppity Imperial bitch!"

"Great job being a good role model for me, Irileth," I snarled back. I placed my arms on my hips, turning my attention back to Balgruuf. "Let's be realistic, shall we, my jarl? First, I only need a few days to have your engineers to look over the old pulleys for the Great Porch. Second, it's the middle of winter. Ulfric wouldn't dare to move his army right now. Three, if Stormcloak has the balls to draw up his troops and run across Skyrim to get to you in three days after finding out today, then I say he deserves to be High King, because that would be one hell of an achievement."

Balgruuf burst into a hearty laugh at my speech. He put his arm on Irileth's arm which caused the Dunmer to draw back and sheathe her blade. "I can see that your training with the Greybeards has paid off, Diana. Your ability at diplomacy is simply stunning."

"I apologize at my sharp tone and rude language, my jarl," I said, my tone softening. "I've pushed myself ragged the last several weeks chasing Alduin ever since I discovered that his goal is to destroy the world. I don't know exactly how he will do that or when, but I don't want to wait to find out. You're my only hope. I know I am asking much in asking you to let me use your home as a trap for a dragon.

"But I remember the jarl who didn't care if his neighbors thought he was trying to raise arms against them because he felt it was more important to send protection to all of his people, especially the ones without strong walls to keep them safe. I remember the jarl who has stayed true to his country, his Emperor, and his faith during a time when everyone else has more or less gone mad. I also remember a jarl who gave a homeless, friendless Imperial a chance to prove herself as a hero of the people. Please, help me be the hero the people need one more time," I closed my eyes, feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. "Please help me be the hero you helped make."

"I am definitely sending you on more diplomatic missions," Balgruuf said. "Very well, you have three days for your trap. I'll give you full run of my court, thanes, and housecarls to make your arrangements. After that, everything goes back the way it was before."

"Thank you, my jarl," I said, bowing.

"Where is Farengar?" Balgruuf asked. "I would think that my court wizard would be most excited about this plan. No doubt he knows a bit about the old mechanism."

"He's in his office entertaining that woman again," Irileth said stiffly. I wasn't sure if she was still mad at my impudence or if something about the guest set her on edge. It was my experience that Irileth detested anything to be out of the ordinary in Dragonsreach. "The cowled Breton, sir."

"Oh, gods, she's here?" I groaned. "If it pleases you, Jarl Balgruuf, I would like to go speak to Farengar right now."

"May the Nine be with you, Dragonborn," he said formally.

"Delphine is here?" Lydia whispered as we left Balgruuf and headed towards Farengar's office that was set off the great hall. "Why?"

"Damned if I know, but she better not be checking up on me," I sneered.

Farengar's office was pretty simple and typical for a mage. It held a desk full of books, soul gems, and scrolls for the mage to use if the opportunity came up while the back wall hosted an alchemy table for making potions and an enchanting table to place mystical protections and enhancements on armor or weapons. The most out of place item was a large map of Skyrim on a screen that flanked his desk.

Currently, Farengar was leaning on his desk in front of his chair while Delphine and Esbern stood across from him. Delphine was pushing a pair of Blades katana toward the mage.

"Just get those to me as soon as possible," Delphine said sharply to Farengar. She was dressed in her Blades armor now. I hated to admit it, but she looked impressive in the ancient style of the Akaviri. It suited her in a way no other set of armor ever had. I guessed the time for hiding was over. "I have several recruits coming to Sky Haven Temple and I want to make sure that they are properly equipped when they arrive."

"It would probably be easier for you to employ Calcelmo in Markarth," Farengar complained. "He's much closer to you than I am. He also has an apprentice who can help with the work, while I'm on my own."

"First off, I don't know Calcelmo, personally, so I'm not going to trust him with my people's safety," Delphine countered. "Second, he's an Altmer, so he could be in league with the Thalmor. Third, I already gave you what you wanted, so you better pay me in what we agreed, mage. Or else."

"Typical warrior attitude to threaten a mage," Farengar grumbled.

"Having a lovers' spat?" I asked as I entered the room. "Arcadia is going to be disappointed, Farengar. I thought the two of you finally decided to have some alchemy together."

"That never gets tired," Delphine said sarcastically. "What are you doing here?"

"That's my line," I said. "I do own a house here. You, on the other hand, live on the other side of the country."

"I'm here to see if there are any good candidates to join the Blades," Delphine said. "Now that there's a Dragonborn to follow, we need to increase our ranks again. I had hoped to gain someone from the Companions since they have such a good reputation for creating honorable warriors, but none of them seemed interested. I figured while I was here, I would see my dear friend Farengar about enchanting some blades. He owes me from when I helped him find information about dragons."

"Well, since you're done with your business, why don't you get out of here and go back to the Temple?" I said, jerking my thumb over my shoulder.

Delphine narrowed her eyes at my rude behavior. I could hear her teeth grinding as she tried to refrain from yelling at me. "I was hoping that we could catch up on the project that you were working on," she said. Before I could open my mouth, she quickly added, "Privately."

"Whatever," I shrugged. "We can talk at Breezehome. Farengar, put Delphine's request on hold. I need you to look at the trap that Olaf used to capture Numinex when Dragonsreach was created. I'm going to use it soon."

The mage's eyes lit up at the mention of using the ancient dragon trap. "Yes, Dragonborn!"

"What is this about needing Dragonsreach?" Delphine asked as we left.

"I thought you wanted to talk privately," I said smiling sweetly. I almost managed to not laugh at Delphine's expression. Almost.

Sundas 22 Morning Star 202 4E 9:00 AM

"Okay, now tell me what you've discovered since we last saw you," Delphine said as soon as we were in Breezehome.

"Bossy," I said as I took a seat. "Esbern, it's good to see you again. Would you like a seat?"

"Thank you," Esbern said with a small smile.

"Delphine, you can have a seat too," I said graciously.

"I'd rather stand," she said as she crossed her arms. "Why do you always insist on playing these games?"

"Why do you always have to be so intense?" I countered.

"Because I spent the last thirty-some years avoiding a group of people who would love to see me dead," she said. "I am careful because the Thalmor are the most dangerous and powerful group of people in Tamriel who are sponsored by their government. What's your reason?"

"There's something about you that brings out the worst in me," I said. "Now, have a seat so we can have a civilized conversation."

Delphine looked like she was biting her tongue, but she did take a seat. "Tell me what you've been up to," she repeated very slowly.

"We traveled to High Hrothgar, talked to the leader of the Greybeards and discovered that we needed an Elder Scroll," I said. Lydia started making some tea on the fire pit. "We traveled to Winterhold to see if they had any information about it. The librarian did give us some clues and we followed them to a Dwemer ruin where, against all odds, we found an Elder Scroll.

"We returned to the top of the Throat of the World where I read the Scroll and had a vision of the past to when Dragonrend was created. When the vision cleared, Alduin attacked us and we fought him. Unfortunately, despite his wounds, the World-Eater escaped. Paarthurnax recommended…" I paused guiltily realizing I just said the dragon's name in front of the Blades.

"It's okay, Dragonborn," Delphine said, smiling widely. I didn't like the glint in her eyes. "We've known that you were consulting the legendary lieutenant of Alduin."

"He's one of the dragons listed in the Atlas of Dragons under the still living section," Esbern said. He pulled a book out of one of his many pockets. Flipping the tome open, he read, "He is now known to lair on the Throat of the World under the protection of the Greybeards of High Hrothgar. Master Araidh continues the established policy of avoiding direct confrontation with the Greybeards while waiting for an opportunity to exact justice upon him."

"I suppose now is as good of a time to tell you as any," Delphine said haughtily. "We want you to kill Paarthurnax."

"What?" I started to yell, but caught myself at the last moment. I did not want the thu'um to activate in front of these people. I tried again. "What do you mean 'kill Paarthurnax'?"

"He has to pay for his crimes," Delphine said calmly. "I don't expect you to do it alone. He's old and experienced. Once we have trained the initiates, a quad of us will go and eliminate that bastard once and for all. After you absorb his soul, there will be no more threat of Paarthurnax's influence in the world."

"Paarthurnax hasn't hurt anyone in over three Eras," I stammered. "He's lived peacefully on High Hrothgar with the Greybeards ever since that book was written. You know it's true!"

"It doesn't matter!" Delphine countered. She stood up and slammed her hands on the table. "He was Alduin's right hand general. He commented too many atrocities to count or name. He was as terrible as the rest of them and deserves to die for his crimes."

"Paarthurnax is reformed!" I said. I could feel the thu'um building in my throat. If this kept up, I would lose the ability to speak. "He wants nothing more than to teach other dragons about the Way of the Voice. It's the same way he's taught the Greybeards. It is a way of peace."

"Sounds more like he's controlling the only power that the dragons fear," Delphine sniffed. "I don't care what his supposed reasons are. Paarthurnax has to die."

"No."

"It's not a request," Delphine said. "I'm commanding you!"

"NO!" I yelled. The thu'um tore loose from my throat and pushed Delphine back. Lydia dropped the tea pot that had just finished heating. Hot water spilled all over the floor as the glass shattered. "I will not kill Paarthurnax! He has been nothing but kind, patient, and wise, which is much more than I can ever say about you!"

"What was that?" Esbern asked, concerned. "How did you form the thu'um without actually Shouting?"

"I am the Dragonborn and I command you, not the other way around," I Shouted. Breezehome shook and knickknacks fell from the shelves to the ground. Several bowls broke as they fell. Some snapped in midair from the force of my thu'um. "Now, get out. I don't want to see your faces!"

I had to give Delphine credit in that she managed to keep her feet as I threw my tantrum. There was a layer of fear in her eyes, but defiance was the dominant emotion. "The Blades withdraw any and all support from the Dragonborn until you realize that Paarthurnax must die. If you will not kill him, then we cannot assist you any longer."

"My heart bleeds," I muttered lowly, breathing deeply to try to control my voice. All the anger and aggression left me when I looked at my housecarl. Lydia looked like she was about to run out the door. Her eyes were so wide I could see the whites.

"Come, Esbern," Delphine said. She turned to leave. "You will regret this, Dragonborn."

"My name is Diana," I snapped. Delphine reminded me too sharply of Ulfric with how she never ever said my name.

After the Blades left without another word, I slumped into my seat. Lydia still had not moved or said a word after my outburst. I placed my face in my hands as I leaned against the table. "You don't have to stay," I said softly. "I release you from my service to me. You don't have to stay here and be scared of me."

I looked up when I felt a hand on my shoulder. "When were you going to tell me?" Lydia asked.

"Hopefully never," I sighed. "It's still pretty new if that helps."

"You don't have to keep everything in all the time," Lydia reprimanded gently. "I am sworn to carry your burdens and that includes your worries and fears as well as all the junk you insist that I carry out of a barrow."

I laughed loudly at Lydia's comment. Thankfully nothing rattled because of my voice when I did. "I'm not used to having someone to talk to," I admitted. "I'm used to being on my own. I just have my own loud mind constantly rattling around with doubts and recriminations.

"Besides, I know that you're scared. Everyone is scared of me. Or wants to use me. Either for the Dragonborn title or what I can do for them," I sighed, putting my face back in my hands again. "I don't even know if I'm going to survive this damn thing. I am told time and time again that I'm the only one who can defeat Alduin, but I don't know how. It's not even a guarantee that I'll win either. How can I believe that I'll win when I have no idea how?"

Huge tears started to run down my face. "I don't want to die," I sobbed. "I know I'm not much, but I just…" I couldn't even finish my sentence as the tears took over.

"You are so much!" Lydia insisted. "You're famous! The world trembles at your steps. Everyone knows your name and your glory is legendary after being in Skyrim for less than a year. I would give anything to be you."

"Being the Dragonborn is not that great," I muttered. "No one sees me. They see the armor and the thu'um, but I doubt many people would recognize me otherwise. Did you know I heard at a tavern once that someone thought the Dragonborn was a seven foot tall Nord man who wears a horned iron helmet? Where do they even get these ideas?"

"Look," Lydia said as she sat next to me. She reached into her pouch and pulled out a rectangular shaped sapphire. "I've been saving this for a while. I keep meaning to use it, but something comes up or I just chicken out."

"What is it?" I asked. It didn't look magical, but not all magical items did.

"It's a token for Olava the Feeble," Lydia explained. "She's a seer, but she rarely tells fortunes. I don't know the exact reason because Olava is very reclusive. However, if you can earn one of these tokens and give it to her, Olava has to give you a fortune." The Nord pressed the token into my hand and wrapped my fingers around it. "I want you to have it."

"I cannot take this," I whispered. I tried to give it back, but Lydia refused.

"I want you to have it," she insisted. "You're really worried about your destiny. Maybe a reading will give you the confidence you need to win. You were definitely less whiny when you thought you were unbeatable."

"Thanks sooo much," I said, sticking out my tongue.

"Olava is never wrong," Lydia said.

"I guess we can give it a try," I said, standing up. Even if it was just a bunch of silly superstition, it would help me relax a little. No doubt Olava would have me drink some tea and read the leaves, have me inhale some incense, or just stare at my palm before telling me everything was going to be fine. "But only if we get things moving with Dragonsreach first. I think Balgruuf was not kidding about us having only three days."

Sundas 22 Morning Star 202 4E 6:00 PM

"I thought this day would never end," I said as I stretched. "Let's head home."

After our discussion, Lydia and I returned to Dragonsreach to find Farengar rooting around the rafters of the Great Porch. The court wizard didn't know exactly how the trap worked, so we had to spend the whole day helping him find exactly what King Olaf had used.

Part of the day was also spent convincing guards and soldiers to help us with our trap. I wanted volunteers only since there would be no guarantee of safety. I didn't think I had it in me to order a man to his possible doom.

Then, we were invited to another long, insufferable dinner at the jarl's court. The jarl's hellion children were as misbehaved as ever, but at least I didn't have to put up with them for long. When no one was looking, I tried out what I privately called the Lullaby Shout on the two youngest. It was the same Shout that Arngeir had used to make me rest before ascending the rest of the Throat of the World. Much like Aura Whisper, I didn't actually shout the phrase. Instead, it was my intent that made it work. I was pleasantly surprised to see that it made them immediately go to sleep.

"Wait a minute, my thane," Lydia said playfully. "You promised that we would go visit Olava for your reading."

"Aw, Lydia," I whined, "I'm tired. Can't this wait until tomorrow?"

"Aw, Lydia," she mocked. "No, because I know how you are. You'll find another reason tomorrow to not go and then keep making excuses. Let's do it tonight before things get too crazy." Lydia grabbed my arm and started to drag me towards a residential house.

"Fine," I grumbled as Lydia started to knock on the door.

An elder Nord woman answered the door before the first knock. "I was starting to wonder when you would arrive," she said gruffly. "Come on in. There's no sense in letting all the heat out."

Lydia and I exchanged a look before following the woman inside. Olava gestured to two seats as she took a third one on the opposite side of a table. "I don't like repeating myself," she said briskly, "so I'm only going to explain everything once." The seer picked up a pack of cards and showed them to us before she began shuffling them. "This is a Tarot deck, a set of cards that is specifically designed to help a prophetess to foretell the future. I am going to do a simple three card flip.

"The first card will represent your past, the second will detail your near future, and the final card will show your ultimate destiny," Olava explained. She waited until Lydia and I were settled in our seats before handing the deck to me. "Shuffle, cut or whatever you wish to help imprint your destiny, child."

I took the cards and deftly shuffled them before handing them back to the seer.

"The first card is the Moons," Olava intoned as she flipped over my past. "It is a card for those who are interested in the hunt and prefer to travel under the night sky. It is associated with women, magic, mystery, and deceit." She looked at me. "You've had false friends trying to lead you astray recently. Double dealings and insincerity."

I nodded although it had not been a question. Suddenly, I didn't feel as confident that this was just some fun thing to do when one was bored.

"The next card is the Wheel of Fortune," Olava announced. The card was brightly colored and depicted a large wheel with many different symbols, some good and some bad, on its many spokes. "It represents balance. You are at a pinnacle part of your life and are about to meet your destiny. Whether this card is good or not depends on the cards around it. It is the endless cycle of life – birth, growth, maturity, decline, death, and rebirth – always without beginning or end."

"The final card, your future, is the Fool," Olava paused and grinned. I could see a simple looking young man wearing a jester's motley walking towards a cliff, completely oblivious to the danger ahead. "The Fool is a youth without direction. He is surrounded by a great Void, symbolic of all the opportunities to him and waiting to be filled. The Fool represents the beginning of an adventure and new opportunities that beckon. Passion, obsession, mania, and pleasure are only a few of the things the Fool offers."

"Oooh, sounds like we might be going to Markarth after you defeat Alduin," Lydia teased, "and get some well-deserved rest and relaxation."

"Hmph," Olava snorted, "that's not the kind of opportunities the Fool normally offers, but it's not impossible. Still, it is a very positive card." She smiled. "I'm sure you'll do well in your endeavors considering my reading."

"Thank you," I murmured. It felt like a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I still didn't know how real the old woman's reading was, but it did make me feel better. I reached up and picked up the Fool card to get a better look at the detail. I frowned when I saw another card was stuck behind it. I slid the two of them apart and saw the skeletal face of Sithis smiling back at me.

"Death," I whispered, not needing Olava to tell me which card this was. Suddenly, all of my positive feelings turned to lead. My first instinct had been right. I was going to die.

"It doesn't count!" Lydia insisted. She tried to grab the card, but Olava got it first. "You got the Fool. It's a good card. You will have a good future!"

"No," I cried, "if they hadn't been stuck together, then Death would have come up first, not the Fool." Tears were starting to run down my face.

"Calm yourself, girl," Olava snapped. "This changes nothing. Death isn't just about physical death and rarely for the petitioner. Instead, Death represents change, especially that of personality. It is about a transformation by clearing away the old to make way for the new. It could be the ending of a friendship or the beginning of a new era. It is still about change, just like the Fool. Nothing is different."

"It is different," I cried. "Before you talked about opportunities, but this is more about endings. I don't want anything to end. I'm just getting used to this life. It's not perfect, but it's mine and I don't want to say goodbye."

Olava sighed as she placed her hand on her forehead. "This is why I hate giving readings. Too many people are too ignorant to see all sides. They only see what they feared before they came instead of the paths I see. Believe what you want; it's not my concern. I've given you your reading and it is late." She pointed to the door. "I wish you the best of luck, Dragonborn. You're going to need it. Death does beckon for you, but it is your choice to accept her offer or not. Walk away if you wish, but don't blind yourself to your chances like the Fool would."

"Thank you for your time, Olava," I said numbly as I stood up. I held out her token. "I do appreciate it."

"I doubt it," she said taking the blue gem, "but at least you were polite. Most like to yell and a few spit. Those I curse personally."

Once we were outside again, I stared at the night sky. It was dark tonight since the moon's had their faces hidden. I should have known that I would find any comfort after a reading like that.

"I'm so sorry," Lydia said gently. "I really thought she would give you a good reading. I'm so stupid for making you go."

"It is okay, Lydia," I said as I took her hand. My voice sounded flat even to me. "I know you meant well."

"It's just for fun," Lydia suggested. "It didn't mean anything."

"I know," I agreed, but it was a lie.

I've always felt like I was subjected to the whimsical wishes of fate. I was a child of prophecy; I was the Dragonborn. I was the one they had been waiting for to save reality for the last four Eras.

Death was coming for me.

And there was nothing I could do to stop it.

A/N: The descriptions of the cards I used in the readings were drawn from my personal tarot deck – Tarot of the Cat People. I've had that deck a long time, about sixteen years. I've done many readings, using the ten card spread, and have gotten some pretty interesting results for people over the years.

I went with a much more simple design for Diana's reading simply because most people don't know the Minor Arcana and I didn't want to go over a ten card reading. I felt three hit all the major points I wanted, and the last two – the Fool and Death – being the most important. ^_~

Thanks to everyone who left a review. I've loved chatting with you all! Please keep them coming. =D