Greg had invited me to John's wedding as his plus one. As I'd expected, I hadn't received an invitation not that I was sure I'd go. I had declined. He looked hurt before he left. Somehow he knew he would always come second in my heart.
There was a knock on the door during the early evening. It was John.
I opened the door wider and stood aside, welcoming him in.
"We need to talk." He said moving past me.
I sat on a chair across from him on the couch. He placed an envelope addressed to me on the table.
"I meant to mail it a dozen times, but it didn't feel right." He looked at me, sitting back. "How long did you know he was alive? The grief, everything. Was it all a lie?"
I shook my head. "I hadn't been informed. The night I stayed at his flat. He was there." I sighed. "That's how I found out. Everything before was real."
He nodded his head slowly. "And you couldn't have phoned? Let me know."
"No." I said plainly. "It was too dangerous. Need to know. Had I not caught him there, I would not have been on that list either."
He sat quietly for a moment. "He's my best man. He's nervous. He'd be better if you were there." He stood readying himself to leave. "I'm not asking you to come for me." With that he left my flat.
Once he was gone I opened the envelope. Inside a wedding invitation. It was this coming Saturday and I had a big decision to make.
After John's visit, I didn't see much of them. That was until John's bachelor party. He and Sherlock had gotten more drunk than intended and then tried to work a case. Greg informed me of their incarceration and told me to leave them til morning.
The next morning we drove up to the station and had them released. Greg yelling the whole time as if to punish them more for landing themselves in jail.
I decided I would go to the wedding, but only the wedding. I wouldn't be able to watch people toast to the happy couple.
The day came and I woke early to dress. Looking through my closet I found the perfect dress. Silky, black with a slit to the mid thigh and a plunging neck line, and long sleeves. I took a box off the top shelf and opened it to reveal a bright red veiled hat.
I pulled the dress on put my hair into a bun, securing it with at least one hundred bobby pins. I place light make up on my face, coloring my lips a bright red, similar to my headwear.
I was the last to enter the church. Taking a place at the very back, closest to a side exit. I was in full view of John, but hidden from the group of attendants.
Finally he had spotted me. His face fell. I knew why and I enjoyed his reaction. My emotions had been getting the better of me.
Though I hated it, the ceremony was beautiful. He looked incredibly happy. I felt tears beginning to well in my eyes. Once the 'I do's' were said, I made my quiet exit. As the door of the church closed, I raised my head and made my way to the car I had waiting. A single tear fell as I entered the vehicle. "Take me home." I instructed.
That night I didn't hear from Greg. I sat on my bed, a slender, silver box sitting next to me. I eyed the box, touching it lightly with my fingers.
The contents of the box were the secrets of a dark past. The one thing that made it easier for me to cope.
I began frantically pulling the bobby pins out of my hair. My heart pounding in my chest. An unbearable pain.
I sat, breathless. My hair in tangles at my shoulders. I opened the box. My fingers toyed with a small bag at the top. They moved tenderly over a needle and a small silver spoon. My brother's vice was my personal hell.
The familiar rush that I so often missed hit me as soon as the needle was out of my arm. In that moment I felt as if I did a million things. In retrospect, I had only attempted to pull off my dress.
I laid out on the bed, my dress half off. My mind slowing, my eyes becoming heavier. At last, I didn't hurt.
I woke in a hospital bed. My head hurt. My eyes were blurry. I could make out a figure sleeping. Its head resting on my hand. My mouth was dry, my throat sore. I couldn't figure out what had happened.
The figure began to stir. It turned its head in my direction. "You're awake!" It was Greg. His voice echoed through my head.
I tried to clear my eyes, but my hands weren't moving.
Greg lifted my arm slightly until a cuff pulled it back. "Suicide risk." He said bluntly. "They called Sherlock. He told John and Mary. John insisted on taking over, so we let him."
I took a deep breath, closing my eyes. This was hell.
"I stopped by that night. When I couldn't get you, I went around to the fire escape. Your window was open. Everyone has a lot of questions." He walked out of the room.
A moment later John walked in. He was alone. "That was a very stupid thing you did." He said looking at my chart. He looked up at me, frowning. "You haven't touched it in years and now you do this."
"It wasn't on purpose, John. Come off it." I snapped.
He began shaking his head. "You expect me to believe that?" He moved closer. "You show up at my wedding looking dressed for a funeral. You go home right after the ceremony. And then Greg finds you half dead of an overdose and you expect me to believe it was an accident." He pursed his lips and pulled out a pen. "I'm ordering 24/7 psychiatric observation and heavy sedation. They'll move you this afternoon."
My eyes widened and I looked up at him, "No! John!" I yelled. He began walking away. "You can't let them lock me up too!" He walked through the door. "JOHN!" I screamed. I began thrashing against the bed trying to pull free. Tears fell freely from my eyes. All my life I'd been running away from her. Trying not to be like her, and now they were locking me away. I was still, what she made me.