Chapter Twenty Six: Keep it a Secret
Disclaimer: Anita and Stephenie Meyer are two completely different people. Other than the fact that they both have brown hair and love Twilight.
A//N: Evening. I'm currently watching the Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian and I'm crying when Aslan wakes the trees up!!!
I'M EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED TO THIS MOVIE! GONNA WATCH IT AGAIN WHEN IT FINISHES.... HOORAY FOR DVD!
Now despite my random outburst of affection. Here is some weird chapter I typed up when I was on a sugar high like I usually do.
I now have a webpage up that you can find the link to on my profile. If you want me to get images for any item or such in chapters then just PM or review to me.
Thank you to those reviewers from chapter 25. (In order): twilightgal101, angelluvu4eva, La tua Cantante101, ., Lady Saruman (x10), bbbff1996, girlygur12, kdscutie, klutzygirl34, Fitzy-Loves-Footy, Rachael Clare and maddy(anon)
BPOV
Only seven days until school has ended for the christmas holidays. I am sooo excited that I could eat a monkey and a half. It was saturday morning... again. How many saturdays have I lived through in my life?
"Approximately 910 Saturdays!" Emmett yelled.
"How did you know what I was thinking?"
"Meh I am on your wavelength!"
"Okay I'm scared."
"OMG SOON WE CAN THROW A PARTY FOR BELLA'S 1000TH SUNDAY!" Alice yelled from downstairs.
"Isn't that a bit weird?" Edward replied.
"NO! Parties can be thrown for a lot of things!"
Suddenly I had a brilliant idea!
"Guys how about we reveal secrets?"
"I like that idea. Wait who are you calling 'guys'?" Rose injected.
"Well... everyone I guess."
"I am NOT a guy Bella. Please fix up your sentence."
"Yes Ros...."
"Wait... so who are the guys Bella?" Emmett asked curiously.
"You, Jasper and Carlisle."
"What about me?" Edward yelled.
"You're gay Eddie!"
"Am not Emmett... or should I say Emmie?"
"NOOOOOOOO!" Emmett cried and I saw him run past Edward's bedroom down the stairs and into his.. I mean... Rosalie's bedroom.
"Moving on! Let's share secrets in a circle with marshmallows roasting!" I said excitedly.
"Let's do this shi.."
"Emmett no swearing!" Esme interupted him before he could let the word loose.
"Yes mother."
"I love this idea! Can I go first!?" Carlisle jumped up and down.
"Whatever. As long as I get to eat sugar!" No one shall deny me sugar.
"Just as long as Emmett can have a bit."
"NEVER!" I shouted.
"A tiny bit?" Carlisle asked gently like that would calm me or something. Pfft.
"....okay. But not TOO much!" Stupid father is almost as calming as his emotional empathetic son.
"Gather on the front lawn peoples!" Esme ordered the family.
"Why the front lawn!"
"Cause it has grass!"
"And I can see Sir. Tapsalot again!" Jasper did one of those score signs with his left arm.
"BACK OFF HE'S MINE!" Bella argued.
"No!"
"Yes!"
"Die!"
"I can't. HE won't let me!"
"Oh you mean Edward?"
"Nah... Count Dracula!"
"Nice!"
"Shut up Bella and Jasper. Or we'll never begin."
"Yes Alice," Jasper and I said at the same time.
Five minutes later we were in a perfect circle on the front lawn. Emmett wanted us to be like an alien crop circle so he made us sit perfectly and try not to move. Easy for a vampire to not move.. but no!
"Carlisle release your pent up secret to the family. We will not judge you," Esme said like a physiologist.
"Okay.... I... I-I... eat cars!"
"What?" Alice said dumbfoundly.
"Look Edward loves eating trees. I love eating cars... metal tastes delicious with coffee."
"Since when?"
"Oh around the mid nineteen eighties give or take a year."
"That's fair weird. Thank you for sharing Carlisle honey. This will not leave the family. What happens on the front lawn stays on the front lawn," Esme concluded.
"Hang on gotta call my year seven buddy to tell him my dad beatThis cause he eats cars!"
'Emmett no! INFORMATION STAYS ON THIS LAWN!" Esme said.
"Can I tell him on the lawn then? It's on the front lawn."
"Nice loophole son. I'm proud of you," Esme said. Emmett beamed like a kid on christmas.
"I want to go next!" Alice gleed.
"Alright Alice sweety. Let your secret out." Esme really should be a shrink or something. Wheres the skittles?
"I have never EVER bought completely grey clothes."
"Really?!" Everyone said at the same time. That is so hard to believe!
"What about that top you bought last season? That was grey!" Edward pointed out.
"NO IT WASN'T! It was a mixture between white and black!' Alice shouted.
"Isn't that grey?" I asked.
"IT'S NOT GREY! WHY WON'T YOU BELIEVE ME? WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE ME!"
"It's cause you love pink," Emmett said. Oh. No. He. Did. Not
"WHAT?!?!? EMMETT CULLEN! TAKE THAT BACK!"
"Nah." As soon as he wouldn't Alice jumped on him and tackled him down the drive.
"Enough children. Do we need to put you in the white room again with the white straight jackets?"
That shut them up.
--
APOV
"I'm not talking to you Emmett McCarty Cullen ever again," I yelled in his face.
"Meh... I'll just talk to Rose instead... or maybe I won't just talk to her.'
"Yuck Emmett. Rose will take my side. Right Rose?"
"Hell to the yeah!"
"Then I'll talk to the trees," Emmett was running out of options.
"No cause I'll eat them before you get the chance!" Edward said smuggly.
"Edward, NO. No eating trees too much. They're bad for you!" Bella said.
"I wanna tell my secret. I wanna tell my secret now," Esme screamed. That reminds me. I have to go shopping. No idea how screaming reminds me of shopping.
"Go on Esme," Carlisle urged her.
"Wait.. I gotta say something to myself. Go on Esme let it out. No one shall judge you," Esme said.
She's talking to herself? She's the one that needs the shrink I dare say.
"Well it all goes back in 1992! I was so bored again. That's what happens regulary right? Well I was by myself as everyone else was out. We were in england at that time. And... so.... I kissed a girl."
Awkward silence.
"So... did you like it?" Bella asked.
"Yea if you did you could sing... I kissed a girl and I liked it!" Emmett sang offkey.
"No I didn't really."
"Dang wish I was there. That would have been ho-tt!"
"Emmett this is your freaking mother figure for goodness sake," Carlisle said. Rose slapped him over the head.
"You know what I could go with right now? CHOCOLATE! GIMME GIMME GIMME!" Bella broke the silence as she saw Emmett was conceiling a block of dairy milk chocolate with caramel in the middle.
"Esme your secret is valued and trusted within the family. You're turn is now over," Esme said to herself again. Weird huh?
O.o there's gonna be a sale at Hot Topic tomorrow morning at 10am that will be sprung without the public knowing.. except me.. cause I have awesome vampireness!
"I am going to go next," Jasper said staring down the rest of us as to say 'let me go next or I'll eat you!'.
"Gee man whatever. Don't eat me!" Emmett shouted. "I'm too young to do!"
"You're over 80 Emmett. That's the average life expectancy of a woman," Carlisle said in his doctor voice. Pretty sexy if you ask me. Damn he's my dad! Shut up Shut up Shut up Alice.
"Okay two things. One stop with the doctor tone and two I am not a woman!"
"Women are expected to live longer then men. Men have a life expectancy of around 76 whilst women its 80."
"Well.. still. I don't wanna die."
"Jasper let out your secret before Emmett, Alice and Carlisle get into a major fight," Esme said.
"A few years ago I robbed the biggest bank in America and stole fifty million dollars because, like Esme, I was bored and wanted to make a suit out of money notes/bills."
"Wtf man. That is some serious boredness dude. Human high five me," Edward cheered... Edward?
"I know.. and that annoying guy down the street from us that liked Alice got the blame for it and he's spending the rest of his life in jail. I laugh."
Carlisle and Esme were speechless.
"I need coffee!" Carlisle outbursted.
"Hey guys theres a fluffy orange cat over there!" Emmett yelled
"Wow he's rolling around on the grass."
"Lionage!"
"Emmett what the hell is lionage?"
"Meh a cat like lion. Omg it's having a spaz attack with a piece of grass!" Alice cried out.
"Like you Alice over the last Gucci bag in the shop," Esme inputted.
"Ye... HEY!"
--
EmPOV
Our family is screwed (for a better word) up. But I love it! I wouldn't trade this family in for some Brady Bunch Family any day. Hahaha OMG BUT WE COULD BE THE BRADY BUNCH! 3 girls and 3 boys with a mother and a father. Memories of that show scare me.
But then again.. Esme scared me... Carlisle is fair weird and man I love Jasper. Not in the perverted sense too. That's Edward's job.
"Let's all celebrate Thanksgiving!"
"Emmett that was two days ago," Rose stated.
"But.. but we can have a post Thanksgiving too!"
"No that defeats the purpose."
"But I got a turkey!" Emmett ran around the back of the house and came back holding a live turkey.
"Dear god can this get any more weirder today?"
"Hello... is Emmett here?" We all froze at that unfamiliar voice.
"Come back later we're in a predicament," Carlisle said gently. I was being tackled by Jasper and Emmett as the turkey made a bid for freedom, Carlisle was drinking coffee, Alice and Rose has Bella tied to a tree away from the sugar and Esme was spinning around in circles.
"Um.. okay sorry for bothering you."
"KEVIN WAIT!!!! NOOOO! Guys that was my year seven friend! Why can't I have any friends over? I clean my room!" Emmett cried as his little friend ran back down the drive.
"So who's next?"
"I'm thinking Bella because she needs to get her mind off of sugar," Rose said sternly.
"Um.... I'vehad a fantasy about another person before."
"OMG WHAT?!?!" Alice said.
"No comment."
"Gee Eddie. You're more prudish then Bella never had a fella here," Emmett said.
"Emmett go die!"
"I'M TOO YOUNG!"
"Pfft no you're not."
"Enough. Now Bella is that all you want to say?" Esme asked her. I would never have suspected Bella to fantasise about someone other then Edward. That's soo intriguing.
Bella blushed before answering, "No." (A/N: Anyone want to guess who it is?)
"Well then. Your secret is safe with us.. besides Emmett." He was already on the phone apologising to his 'buddy'.
"Rose can go next I think."
"Fine! Whatever floats your boat. My deepest secret is that I'm the master of pick up lines."
Emmett's mouth was hanging open.
"I didn't know that!"
"There's lots of stuff you don't know. Close your mouth. I don't like flies." Rose said.
"Well then... give us a pick up line then!" Emmett challenged Rose. O.o this is gonna be perverted.
"If my left leg was thanksgiving and my right leg was christmas would you meet me in between the holidays?" (A/N: Yes I googled disgusting pick up lines. Some sure as hell were over T rated. I also had help from someone who combined two to make this one. You know who you are. I promise not to be this disgusting again in chapters. I'm just really bored.)
Silence again.
"Oh My God! Rose thats bad. My ears!" I shouted. Never again... ARRGH!
"Sorry but Emmett did ask."
"Rose refrain from using them in public. No one will mention this outside of the family. Now let's all have a five minute break to calm ourselves down," Esme said.
--
JPOV
So many emotions! Scared, amused, disapointed, ashamed and.. turned on. Of course the last is Emmett. I had to escape for a minute! Run run run legs!
"Okay recess is over! We have Emmett's and Edward's secrets to be revealed yet. This long day is not over yet... though it has been VERY VERY interesting," Esme ordered everyone back into the crop circle.
"I don't want to go last! I wanna go next!" Emmett shouted.
"Fine Emmett keep your pants on," I said.
"It would help if I knew where they were."
"Try on your bedroom floor where you and Rose ended up during the five minute interval!"
"Oh good observation shirlock."
"I like dressing in pink clothes when I get bored," he finally said.
"O.o now who's gay?" Edward laughed.
"You.. at least I get some."
"When do you do this Emmett?"
"Yeah remember that time when I said I was brushing my teeth? Well.... tee hee," Emmett said.
"Oh god you mean...." I trailed off.
"Oh yeah baby!"
"That's just sad. Edward what do you think?
"What the hell man? Secret my butt!" Edward said.
"At least I'm not prudish."
"Now theres a story for another time. Now Edward. Spill your secret to the family."
"No no let me say that! Emmett your... disturbing secret will stay with us... no Kevin. Edward you can now share your secret with trust in us," Esme said and Edward scoffed. His emotion is hesitant.
"I... erh... once had a crush last year on.. DON'T MAKE ME SAY IT!"
"Just say it!" Emmett shouted in Edward's ear.
"Okay... I had a SMALL crush on.. H-H.. Hannah Montana. There I said it. Happy?"
Silence for the third time. Cue the laughter then. I could feel the laughter before it happened.
"OMC that is soo funny! Way to go! Crushing on the girl who has the best of both worlds. Would it have made the best of your ONE world? Don't forget nobody's perfect!" Emmett sneered.
"Says the one that named two of her songs in one sentence Emmett," Edward retorted back.
"Oh so that's why you had both of her CDs in your collection. I rememeber asked you and you said they were Alice's," Bella said.
"WHAT?! Edward you liar and pedophile! They are SOO yours!" Alice screamed.
"Okay okay! Sorry Alice."
"You better be."
"Okay guys. Dinner time for the human," Esme said while trying not to laugh. At least she had the decency. Carlisle was laughing himself senseless.
"CRAP!" Carlisle shouted. He has spilt his coffee on himself, "NOOO I wanted that!" With that he ran inside and took off his pants and put some new ones on. Then came back outside licking his pants to get the coffee off.
"Oh dear god! Just make another. Carlisle you're not normal! This is sad!" Esme said.
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A/N: I'm sooooooo sorry that this chapter might not be very funny. I don't think it is that funny at all. I'm just really stressed about my drama play tomorrow as I get shy over performing in front of crowds and this is a two hour play and yeah.
Thank you everyone for reading! OMG I'M SOO HIGH ON LEMONADE RIGHT NOW ITS SERIOUSLY SICKENING!
Well see you next chapter! Out next weekend sometime! Hopefully Friday.
Can we get up to 450 reviews? That's only 14 needed. Next chapter is one of Hawtalon. of. Windclan's ideas. There is like three which I'm going to use in the next 10 chapters that I already have ideas for.
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Preview for Chapter 27: "I'm going to suck this blood!"
Review for chapter title and EXTENDED preview of next chapter
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--------RANTING SESSION DONT HAVE TO READ ----------------
Well I need to have a little ranting session for a moment or two. You do not have to read but yeah. What I've been noticing lately is that people from other countries think Australia is all about koalas, crocodiles, Steve Irwin, Uluru, Swatters, kangaroos and grasslands.
Okay to make this clear... Australia is just like America and such. We have normal houses with tv, dvds, computers etc. Not everyone speaks the lingo of 'Gday Mate!' and has a heavy Australian accent like in the movie 'The Castle' if you've ever seen that.
I've been asked five times if I ride in a kangaroo's pouch to school. Ever heard of animal cruelty? I'm fair sure thats illegal. No one has ever done that that I have read in history books etc.
Australia has fast food outlets and even Starbucks.
Heres something I found on some random's fanfiction profile while looking for good stories to read.
What do you think of when you hear Australia?
Koalas and grassland
We don't wrestle crocodiles daily and its illegal I think to own a kangaroo or koala etc unless you're part of an animal health centre nursing them to health. Even then you need a licence.
If you see the movie 'Australia' with Nicole Kidman in it... that is not how Australia really is. Well maybe some of it in central Australia is but hardly.
--------------------------------- RANTING SESSION OVER! THANK YOU!----------------------