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9:00 a.m.
Finley paused in beating the brunette Amazon clinging to his ankles long enough to glance around the room. They were down from seventy-odd opponents to thirty-plus, but not without their own casualties. Hip deep in unconscious bodies, Rumil and Orophin had decided to go out in a blaze of glory. The elves removed their shirts and began teasing the top buttons of their tight leather pants. They were buried beneath a stack of Them ten feet tall in thirty seconds. Sam and Dean had their backs against the wall and were nearly out of tranquilizer darts. Valerie sported a black eye, Haldir's lip was bleeding, and Faith had been chasing Their leader back and forth across the room for the last five minutes.
"Ouch!" The bartender came back to himself at the sudden, sharp pain in his leg. Tired of being ignored, the Amazon had decided to take a chunk out of his lower thigh. This was ridiculous. He smashed her over the head with his billy club, then kicked himself loose of her limpet-like grasp. "Elladan!" he shouted. "The signal!"
The tall, dark-haired elf jerked his dagger free from the pleural cavity of a curvaceous, freckled redhead. Annoyed, Elladan drew his sword and beheaded her in one stroke. Valar, he hated the rattling sound of someone drowning in their own blood. Tossing the corpse to the side, Elladan threw his head back and hooted twice like a barn owl and once like a screech owl. He nodded back to Finley, completely oblivious to the crimson blood splattered across his face, neck, and forearms.
Valerie shivered as she ran past him, leading a small group of Them within range of the Winchesters' tranquilizer guns. Please let the others hurry.
9:05 a.m.
Elrohir started at the birdcall. "Time to go," he hissed through bared teeth. Then, in a deafening, high-pitched voice utterly unlike his own, he squealed, "The new girl's getting some!" and kissed Crenna right on the mouth.
-SMACK-
"What are you doing?"
"It's part of the plan!"
"No, it's not."
"Yes, it is. We didn't tell you because we knew you wouldn't agree."
"So you rape-kissed me instead? How is that any better?"
The elf frowned. This was why he hated working with human females. They lacked objectivity. "The plan supersedes individual will. You will do this so that your friends and my friends will be safe, for a little season. I apologize if that was your first kiss, but the plan must be followed."
"I'm not kissing you. Isn't there a plan B?"
Elrohir relaxed infinitesimally. "There is. You won't like it, and there's not much time."
"As long as I don't have to kiss you, I'll do it."
He leaned forward and whispered in her ear. The elf was right; she didn't like it. But at least it didn't involve kissing. Crenna put his hands on his shoulders, and Elrohir gripped her waist. She jumped, he lifted, and then she was straddling him, her legs locked around his waist, her arms thrown about his neck. In case she fell, the elf looped one arm loosely around her lower back.
"This is so awkward," Crenna mumbled, blushing deep pink.
"Why do you think we let you wear pants?" Elrohir snickered as her face became an even darker shade of crimson.
Their little charade was just in time. At that exact moment, a mini herd of Them came stampeding down the hallway. They stopped dead at the sight that met Their eyes. The new girl, who had no real cred whatsoever, was straddling and apparently nuzzling an unbelievably hott elf. She was practically sitting on his hipbones, and her t-shirt had ridden up, exposing a swath of tan skin that had a long, pale Elvish hand pressed against it.
Priscilla Devereaux and her three best friends screamed with rage and sprinted towards the way too flirty couple. Some weird gigantic wood hoop was blocking the way, but that was no obstacle for the athletically gifted Priscilla and her buds. The four besties dove through the picture frame and disappeared.
"What the Quaffle?" Crenna twisted her neck around to see what had just happened.
Elrohir only laughed. "And so it begins."
9:05 a.m.
Spike pulled up outside the E.R. drop-off at St. John's, the best hospital within a 50-mile radius of Sara's house. Legolas jumped out of the car, careful not to let sunlight touch the two vampires. Then he lifted the now asleep Sara out of the backseat. He carried her in through the automatic doors, past the waiting room, and up to the nurses' station.
"My cousin was mugged on her way to work," he lied convincingly in a panicked tone. "I think she may have broken something."
A heavyset woman in navy blue scrubs stood up. "Has she had a concussion?" she asked with concern.
"I don't know." Legolas allowed the panic in his voice to ratchet up a notch.
The nurse grabbed a clipboard off the desk and squeezed her way out of the crowded nurses' station. "Come with me, son. We'll take your cousin to a room and get her checked out."
Legolas followed the nurse, exhaling slightly in relief. Perhaps now he could finally start to relax.
9:15 a.m.
The antechamber had nearly emptied out, save for a few stalwarts who didn't trust the insane giggling coming from the factory proper. One of these stalwarts was Bonnie Irene Felicia Fiona Erin Darcy Toothman. Showing no signs of tiring, she was still playing cat and mouse with Faith, who was starting to wheeze and pant a bit. Not even the best conditioned of Slayers could keep up with one of Them for too long.
Elladan observed all this, frowning his especially perturbed frown. The Gate would only stay open for so long, and he was becoming legitimately worried about his kinsfolk, buried beneath a pile of Them. Those overly eager mortals had been knocked out as well, and Finley seemed to have dislocated his shoulder in the stampede. Also, it was only a matter of time until Crenna mutinied and decided to try her hand at knocking his brother out. The elf gritted his teeth. As a son of Elrond, he would always do whatever was necessary to further the plan. Today, though, he found duty rather repugnant.
"Meleth nin!" The blood-encrusted elf dropped to one knee directly in front of Bonnie Irene Felicia Fiona Erin Darcy Toothman and instantly began spouting romantic nonsense in highly unintelligible English. Hesitant to trample such a fine specimen, Bonnie Irene Felicia Fiona Erin Darcy Toothman halted. Gazing into the elf's deep, clear grey eyes, she swooned.
"Beloved!" Elladan leapt to his feet and caught the girl. Easily sweeping her off her feet, he sprinted from the room. The eldest son of Elrond raced down the hall, still gabbling on about true love to the girl in his arms.
Luckily for him, Crenna and Elrohir had managed to draw all of Them from the main room in through the great wooden Gate. His way was clear. Elladan dashed up to the picture frame and unceremoniously deposited Bonnie Irene Felicia Fiona Erin Darcy Toothman on the floor. Then he gave her a great shove. Squawking in a most unseemly manner, Bonnie Irene Felicia Fiona Erin Darcy Toothman flew through the picture frame and disappeared like so many of her sisters.
"Was that the last one?" Elrohir inquired, his arm still wrapped around Crenna's waist.
"Except for a score and a half of bodies and a few dunderheads who keep trying to kiss Haldir. That's the tail end of it."
"So . . . can I get down now?"
"Oh. Sorry." Elrohir moved his arm, and the girl jumped down to the floor.
"Clean up time?" she asked Elladan, deliberately not looking at his younger brother.
The elf nodded. "Clean up time."
9:30 a.m.
"According to the X-rays, everything's fine." Dr. Saunders was six feet two inches of pure muscle with blue-black skin, a small, neatly pointed beard, and a marvelously reassuring manner. "You'll have some nasty bruises for a week or two." He reached out a very gentle hand to touch Sara's swollen cheekbone. "It will go away eventually, though. In the meantime, I'll write you a prescription for some extra strength Advil, and let's keep bandages on those scrapes, okay?"
"Okay. I feel like a six-year-old's piñata," Sara joked weakly.
Dr. Saunders sat down ad pulled out a prescription pad. Scribbling across it at ninety miles an hour, he stared at Sara keenly. "You shouldn't be alone or sleep for the next eight hours, just in case of concussion," he ordered in that smooth, calming voice. "If you have any more problems, just call."
"We will," Legolas promised. "Thank you, doctor."
"You're welcome." The E.R. doc stood up. He extended the prescription to Sara. "Do you have any questions?"
Sara eyed the paper skeptically. "Does someone really have to accompany me to the bathroom? Or can I be alone there?"
Dr. Saunders laughed and handed the prescription to Legolas. "Take good care of her, young man. And Miss Gilley?"
"Yes?"
"Perhaps you should take a different way to work." Still smiling, the doctor quit the room.
"Can we get out of here?" Sara asked Legolas quietly.
"As soon as we pay our bill."
"Oh, crap. I've lost my wallet."
"Elladan and Elrohir will find it," he reassured her. "And don't worry. We got you into this; we pay your hospital bills. All right?"
The girl grinned; it rather resembled a grimace. "You drive a hard bargain, Thranduilion. Help me to the car?"
"Of course."
9:35 a.m.
Valerie and Crenna hauled the last unconscious girl to the Gate and tossed her in.
"Final count: forty-two unconscious and thirteen dead. Dang. Remind me to never tick these guys off."
"You forgot to add my self-respect to the casualty list."
Valerie giggled. "Did you have fun with that?"
Crenna rolled her eyes at her friend. "Of course not. Wait . . . you knew?"
"We all knew, Cren," the older girl said pityingly.
"Then why on earth didn't you tell me?"
"Because, quite frankly, it was a good plan – and I wanted to see your reaction."
"Which you didn't see anyway."
"Yeah, but at least now I get to hear Elrohir tell the story."
"You two still talking about that?" Faith and Haldir rounded the corner. They had just returned from bringing the car around. "We've got two unconscious Elves, that many unconscious Winchesters, Finley is in serious need of pain meds, and you're still talking about that? Guess it was your first kiss," the Slayer snickered.
Mortified, Crenna flushed bright red.
"Here." Haldir took pity on the poor girl. "How's this? You help us move the guys, and we won't bring it up again, deal?"
The teenager nodded fervently. Following Faith and Haldir into the antechamber, the two girls found Elladan and Elrohir busy at work reviving their kinsmen. Both Rumil and Orophin were covered navel to hairline with lipstick prints, and they were just now coming to.
"Can I get my shirt?" Orophin requested as his brother suggested they take a picture.
Valerie held up the tattered shreds of black fabric for him to see. Orophin cursed Them, then accepted a hand up from Elladan.
"You idiots." Haldir looked at his younger siblings fondly. "Must you always be so melodramatic?"
"We're actors, Hal," Rumil reminded him. "Drama is in our blood."
"You mean, you're related to dear old great-uncle Feänor?" Elrohir teased.
"I said dramatic, not insane. Jeez, Elrondion, get it right."
Shrugging, the younger son of Elrond stepped over to Sam and Dean, who were also beginning to wake up. He pulled the hunters onto their feet and congratulated them on their body count – fifteen unconscious girls apiece.
"Did the rest of the plan work?" Dean asked, retrieving his gun.
"They all went through. The Gate will seal itself in another minute or so. They won't be coming back. Not that way, at any rate."
Dean dropped his voice several decibels. "C'mon, dude. You know what I mean. How'd it go with . . .?" He nodded slightly in Crenna's direction.
Elrohir glanced over at the girl, who was helping Elladan and Valerie pop Fin's shoulder back into place. "You do realize that I consider her an infant, right? I am ancient; that girl is eighteen."
The older Winchester wasn't buying it. "She's still legal. So how'd it go?"
"She slapped me," Elrohir admitted reluctantly. "We ended up going with Faith's suggestion."
Dean opened his mouth to make a comment about Faith's idea, but Sam shut him down with a groan.
"Sammy! Are you okay?"
"Yeah. Just, Dean. . . "
"Yeah?"
"Shut up about the girls, okay?"
"Okay." As much as he disliked obeying his little brother, Dean did so now out of concern. The younger Winchester kept reaching up to probe his forehead gingerly. Maybe it was nothing, but then again, maybe it was something. "We should go."
"Just waiting for everyone to be able to walk, I think. We were lucky this morning."
"How many dead?" Sam asked softly.
"Around fourteen."
Exhaling sharply, the hunter shook his head. "Fourteen. I wonder if They had hopes, dreams, some other life outside this. Or was this all They were?"
"I do not know. Next time They're chasing you, why don't you stop to ask Them?"
Sam laughed. "Next time, I just might."
9:50 a.m.
"Crenna was supposed to do what?" Sara gasped, now fully awake and busily engaged in chomping down on a chicken sandwich that Bernie had sent along in a large lime green lunchbox. "And you didn't tell her? Bad plan."
"Is she not a fancier of men or something?" Spike turned down the Red Hot Chili Peppers to join in on the conversation.
Sara swallowed her bite of chicken and pickles before answering. "No, no, Crenna's not lesbian. She just tends to think of guys in the abstract."
"She likes the idea of dating, but actually doing it is something else entirely?" Angel mused.
"Exactly."
"It's nice that she isn't man-crazy – that neither of you are," Legolas added hastily. "That's why we like you."
"Uh huh." Knowing better than to mention her earlier thoughts of a man harem, the girl changed the subject. "Okay, I've got two questions. One, can we have a party tonight?"
Legolas smiled. "Bernie's planning on it."
"Only this time no invasions or kidnapping or lobsters, savvy?"
"Lobsters?" Spike asked quizzically.
"Tell you later. Trust me, though, crustaceans are not pretty. And question number two: where did the sons of Elrond send Them again?"
A/N: Sorry for the delay. I needed a couple of days to sleep after getting back in the States. Paris was AMAZING. Hope you all had wonderful Christmases! As always, reviews are greatly appreciated.
AiH