"Ah, first off...congratulations."

"Sasuke! Sakura!"

"Hokage-sama will now explain the test, so everyone shut up!" Anko yelled.

"Oi! Stark! Kyuu-chan!"

"Now, Hokage-sama, if you would..."

"Señor Pato! Loaf!"

"Yes, of course," the Third began, "for the—"

"Over here!"

"WILL YOU SHUT UP!?"

Naruto jumped, "eh, sorry..."

While Naruto scratched his head sheepishly, the Hokage turned back towards the assembled genin. "As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted," the Hokage turned to Hayate, the coughing, sickly guy. "Hayate here will explain."

Hayate startled, "Eh? Oh, ah..."

"I'll do it, I'll do it!" Naruto shouted.

The Hokage sighed, "No, Naruto, as referee Hayate will—"

"I'm referee, too, aren't I?" Naruto interrupted.

"Yes, well—"

"So, so!?"

"Well, Hayate has more practice—"

"Pleeeeaaaseee—"

"—he has more experience in this kind of thing—"

"—pleasepleaseplease—"

"—I, Naruto you are not a child! You are a—"

"—ohpleaseohpleaseohplease—"

"—really, honestly, Naruto, I expected more—"

"—PLEEEAAASEEE—"

"—OH, FINE!" Hokage shouted, throwing his latte on the floor, "Go ahead! Explain! I don't even care anymore!"

Hayate deflated while Naruto cheered, "Oh..." Dejectedly, he tucked his flash cards back in his pocket. He sighed, coughed, and then sighed again, "There's always next year..."

"So!" Naruto shouted, "Because too many people survived—"

"Oi!"

"..." Naruto paused to squint at the genin gathered before him, "Who said that?"

"Me," Kiba said, waving his hand. "Why the hell are you up there and not back here with us?"

"Because," Naruto sighed dramatically, "I'm not competing anymore. I've been replaced."

Suddenly, there was unrest amongst the genin. Everyone gathered was murmuring and shifting about.

It was Shikamaru who spoke up, pointedly looking at the defeated faces of Naruto's apparently ex-teammates, and the floppy mint rabbit sitting on Sasuke's head. "What do you mean you've been replaced?"

"Hmm," Naruto tilted his head at Shikamaru while he contemplated just how much to reveal. "Well...as of about an hour or two ago, I've been officially made a jounin, and given a genin team."

As everyone immediately started to shout and kick up a fuss, Naruto continued talking as if he noticed, "As for my now empty slot on Team 7, that has been filled by Loaf Pan."

The conversation among the gathered genin was now split between "the fuck is Naruto talking about being a fucking jounin" and "who the fuck is Loaf Pan and what the fuck kinda name is that?"

"Any more questions?"

"Hm..." Shikamaru stared carefully at Naruto. "...where's your genin team?"

Naruto smiled at that, and gestured vaguely to the genin's feet. "They're competing, too!"

At that, the genin all looked down only to see three animals gathered and napping on the floor in front of them. They stared at the animals. Then they stared at Naruto. Then the animals again. Then Naruto. Finally, "what the fuck."

They quickly glanced over to the Hokage for confirmation, and he looked to be in pain as he slowly nodded his head. Slowly they looked back over to Naruto, and then back to the animals on the floor. There, lying in a graceless heap, was a fox kit and two ducks, one with a green head and the other stark white from beak to tail. Seemingly noticing the attention on them, they ruffled their feathers and jutted their beaks out as high as they could. The fox kit just continued snoring.

The genin all went back to staring at Naruto with unreadable expressions.

"...what?" Naruto winced at the continued silence, "Anyway...because too many people survived—" Someone elbowed Naruto in the ribs, "ow, because...because too many people passed the last round...before we can continue with the exams, we are going to have to hold a set of preliminary rounds. Because, seriously, too many people not dead. What is going on this year—OW! Stop that!"

"What?!" "Preliminaries!" "That's not fair!" "But it's not our fault so many people made it through!" "Why are we being punished!" "This isn't fair—"

"Life isn't fair!" the Hokage shouted, as Hayate handed him a fresh latte, "Suck it up!"

"Anyway," Naruto began, "to choose who goes first..."

"Wait!" Sakura called out, "You haven't even explained what we're going to do yet!"

The other genin not on Team 7 or Team Chili stared as they wondered how she could get past the whole situation with Team 7 and Naruto's new genin team so fast. Just what had it been like being on Naruto's team, and what the hell had happened in the short span of time since graduation?

"Ah, my bad," Naruto chuckled awkwardly. "Ahem, well, for the preliminaries, in order to cut you lot in half—did I mention no more teams from this point out?—well, to cut the number of survivors—er, competitors, in half, everyone here will fight in a single match with a random other genin."

"Seriously—?"

"So, any quitters get out now because we're commencing immediately," Naruto smirked.

"EH?!"

"So, how will we choose who faces who...hm..."

"Naruto," Kakashi interrupted, finally speaking up from where he and the rest of the instructors were gathered watching this train wreck, "we've already come up with a method to choose, we've even already got the screen right up there—"

"Ah! I've got it!" Naruto reached into his pocket and pulled out a scroll, which when unsealed revealed a pile of various rubber ducks. "There are two of each kind, and everyone gets one! Whomever's duck is matching your duck, you will face in a battle to the DEATH!"

"—Naruto, stop with the death, for god's sake—"

"Wait, why do you have exactly the amount of ducks we need in pairs of two—"

"Stop questioning me and receive your goddamn ducks!" At that, Naruto started random throwing ducks at the genin. "Hurry! Once you've got one, spread out!"

Reluctantly, the genin did as ordered and soon everyone had a duck except for Loaf. (Kyuu had his duck in his mouth and was giving Stark and Señor Pato a very alarming look, while Stark had sat on his, his white feathers covering it almost completely, and Señor Pato was comfortably settled in front of his and was crooning softly at it while looking at it with loving eyes.)

"Sasuke, go fetch Loaf a duck."

Sasuke sneered, "Why do I have to—"

"Sasuke." Naruto stared him dead in the eyes, unblinking. "Go. Fetch. Your. Teammate. A. Rubber. Duck."

Sasuke stared back for almost a minute, but when his eyes started to water he winced, and finally gave in. Loaf got a nice pink duck covered in fruit loops. Once that was over with, everyone looked around to try and match their ducks.

Naruto cleared his throat, "Alright, now to announce the lineup..."

Kankuro v. Temari

Hinata v. Tenten

Kiba v. Chouji

Sakura v. Ino

Sasuke v. Rock Lee

Shikamaru v. Loaf

Stark v. Neji

Shino v. Señor Pato

Kurama v. Gaara

"This is the official lineup..."

"..." The genin surveyed each other, and their newly declared opponents (except for Shikamaru, Neji, Shino, and Gaara, who had no idea who their opponents were, but could make an educated guess).

"...now, who would like to go first?"

\(O/_\O)/

To be continued...

End of Chapter 26.

Ja ne!

xx BL, out.