"Well Eric, like I told you before, I don't get the attraction," Freyda sneers as she squeezes my chin in her cold grip, turning my face from side to side like she's checking for bugs.
I can see Eric struggle against the silver again and I can hear his anguish as the metal burn deeper into muscle. I close my eyes against the sight. I hear the approach and I feel the sting of her slap as the Queen plants her hand firmly across my right cheek. The hit is strong enough to send my head reeling and force a cry from my lips. The chains rattle even louder, I know he thinks he's trying to help but I have a feeling that the more Eric protests her abuse the more she's going to beat me. Instead of looking at the Queen I look to Eric and mouth "please stop" as tears of pain slide down my cheeks.
"If you're going to kill me, please just get it over with. I've had about all the mental anguish I can deal with and I'm right at my threshold for pain."
Freyda answers me with another solid slap to the face and I swear I feel a few teeth loosen. I guess I'll take that as a denial of my request.
"I've no real taste for violence…"
"I beg to differ," I snark and give a snort before I can stop myself.
"I've no real taste for violence ordinarily," she re-states, "but I must say that you bring out something in me that is quite the opposite. I can't wait to bleed you dry," she hisses, her fangs close enough to graze my face. "And I plan on doing it all in front of you, beloved husband, as a wedding gift. I think once I rid the world of this miserable cunt once and for all you and I can proceed as I had planned." She smiles at Eric, saccharine and sunlight beneath heavy makeup and QVC crap jewelry.
I can't help but laugh, she's like a bad guy in a Scooby Doo cartoon, feeling like she absolutely must tell all of her dastardly plans because she's just that sure that nothing is going to stop her before her evil deeds are done.
"Does something strike you as funny?" She sneers, pressing her face all too close to mine once again.
"Yeah, you are. You think by killing me that you're going to make Eric love you? Let me tell you something queenie, I ran hundreds of miles away to escape this bullshit and he tracked me down, pulled me out of my new boyfriend's arms, literally, and ran with me back to Louisiana. Your problem ain't me, your problem is that Eric Northman doesn't give a flying fuck about you, let alone love you. Nothing you can say or do will change that, but killing me is damn sure gonna solidify his hatred for your overdone, moldy, blood-sucking ass!" I don't know what possesses me but I decided to drive my distaste for her proximity home by spitting in her eye.
Freyda shrieks, it's a very girly sound, and stands up, wiping her eye and effectively ruining the make-up job on the left side of her face. I can't believe how good that feels. I hear Eric chortle from behind his gag. Oklahoma back up and continues to wipe away a hell of a lot more saliva than I actually planted in her eyeball. She regains her cool composure and the wicked gleam comes back to her expression.
"In my infinite kindness I'll leave the two of you alone to say your goodbyes. But know this, you fucking bitch, when I come back I'll show no mercy as I gut you and drink every last drop of your blood. Ahmed, please ungag my husband, we'll leave these two while I prepare the implements."
I sure don't like the sound of her going to prepare her implements. I hear Eric growl deeply at the guard as he removes the gag from him, I'm pretty sure I even hear his teeth snap together. That's Eric, vicious to the bitter end.
As soon as the door closes I hang my head and start to cry. It was easy to keep up a brave front when Cruella DeFang was all up in my face but now that she's gone I feel nothing but despair. I'm sad that I'll never get to say goodbye to Forrest or his brothers, sad that Jason will never know what happened to me, crushed that I'm sure worse things than death await Eric once I'm out of the way. I shudder to think of the nefarious plans she must have been making the whole time he's been gone from her sight. Maybe I'm the lucky one to get snuffed out of existence. I know I wouldn't want to be the unfortunate fool that had to service the cesspool between those thighs.
"Sookie, you have to call for Niall," Eric rasps, his mouth working to repair the damage done by the silver gag as he tries to form words.
"I can't! If Niall comes here then he'll end you!"
"Sookie, if you don't then Freyda will most certainly end you and it won't be quick and efficiently. I've seen her work and she takes great pride and enjoyment from drawing out the torture. I've made a mess of everything and I know it's pointless to apologize…"
"No," I interrupt, "It's not."
"What?" Eric asks, the look on his face would be comical if it weren't for the circumstances we find ourselves in.
"It's not ever pointless to apologize. You owe me an apology."
"Let's not waste time with this, call Niall."
"Just apologize, let me die knowing that you had it in you to admit that you were wrong and the humility to say you're truly sorry for fucking up my life beyond words. Tell me that if things could be different that you would let me go to be happy, make me believe that if you could go back and do things over again that you could put my fucking happiness above your own selfish needs and wants!"
I'm screaming at the top of my lungs. I need to hear him say sorry, I need to believe it if he says it.
"Sookie, I truly wish that I could change the way things have come to be. If I could, I would go back in time and never have darkened your doorway. I'm so sorry for the pain I have caused you, I'm sorry to have been such a selfish creature that I couldn't put you first."
"I accept your apology. And I hope you mean it because help is here."
"What do you mean?"
"Just shut up and look angsty when Queen Cuntbag comes back. No more questions, but believe me when I tell you that if we get out of this I expect you to back up every little fucking thing you just said to me."
Help IS here, I can hear Forrest's voice coming in like a fuzzy radio signal. He's found me and he's brought back up. And apparently back up has a bone to pick with Oklahoma.
The door opens up and Ahmed the guard comes back in with Oklahoma in tow. She has a black fabric roll tucked underneath her arm and a murderous grin on her face.
"Now, where were we? Oh yes, I was planning out your demise, I think I'll start with your eyelids. You know I've found, from my extensive history of torturing humans, that the first thing females will do is close their eyes when the pain starts. I personally find this sort of reprieve unacceptable and a little rude. I put a lot of thought into how I send someone into the hereafter and the least one can do is show a little…"
The buzzing of Ahmed's phone interrupts the boring as shit prelude to a screaming symphony starring me. She huffs her cheeks out impatiently and motions with her head for him to answer. She unrolls the black fabric onto a small stainless steel table. I can't bear to look at the bloody tools tucked haphazardly inside the folds.
Please Forrest, hurry before she mangles me.
"Yes. I'll let her Majesty know," the guard says and clicks the phone shut. "My Queen, you have visitors waiting in the front of the house."
She doesn't even look up from the table as she tells him, "Send them away. I've no time for visitors."
"You'll want to receive these visitors, your Majesty."
Freyda slaps her hand impatiently down on the table, sending some gruesome looking pliers flying onto the floor. "And just why is that?"
"Because it's Jaime and Cersei Lannister, the King and Queen of Tennessee."
"Fuck me running," she mutters under her breath and if I were a betting woman I would say that she's turned a few shades paler. "Okay, have them wait in the throne room."
"Shall I call in back up? Just in case Cersei…"
"No! This must be handled delicately; you remember the last time that we crossed paths with that crazy bitch! I need to go and prepare myself for this nonsense."
As Freyda exits the room once again I dig deep inside Ahmed's brain. If he does indeed remember the last time Cersei crossed Freyda's path then it's something that I just might need to know as well.
His brain is a murky place to be, it has the sullied memories of someone who has been glamored far too much; he barely even knows who he is anymore. The glamor has scooped out most of the essential things that made up who he was and replaced him with suggestions of who the vampires wanted him to be. Sad really…
I gather what I need to know and back out as quickly as possible. Ahmed shakes his head as if he can feel me leaving and staggers backwards into the wall. He regains his feet quickly and looks around the room, shaking his head again. After he exits the room I start talking as fast as I can to Eric.
"What do you know about Jaime and Cersei Lannister?"
"I know that they're fraternal twins, co-monarchs of Tennessee. They have a very unconventional relationship as in a sexual relationship even before they were made vampire. Jaime Lannister is the first know vampire to regenerate a limb lost as a human after becoming one of us. Cersei Lannister is out of her fucking mind, literally insane."
"Did you know that your Freyda has been fucking Jaime for years? Even after you married her?"
I can see the wheels of Eric's mind start turning as what I'm telling him sinks in.
"You know this how?"
"Ahmed, he witnessed the whole thing."
"So you know that I can…"
"Shh!" I caution as the door opens and Ahmed joins us again.
"I need both of you to come with me. Your presence is required as a tribunal has been called by the Tennessee Monarchy and one Forrest Bondurant concerning the safety and welfare of Miss Stackhouse."
His voice is monotone and his expression dimmer than a 10 watt bulb. He's been glamored again since he left the room. His brain is practically Swiss cheese at this point but I need him to hold on at least until one specific memory gets pulled out of his gooey gray matter.
Ahmed works slowly but soon enough has me freed and then turns to work on Eric's bindings. He points his weapon at the two of us, urging us to head out of the room and into the hallway.
I can only assume that we are in the royal palace somewhere in Oklahoma because none of this seems familiar to me in the slightest. We're herded down a long, dimly lit hallway towards ornately carved double doors. They swing open before we get within reach of them and I walk into one of the tackiest rooms I've ever had the sorry pleasure to enter. I mean, I'm sure it's meant to look expensive and royal but to me it looks like Lafayette Reynolds was given a dollar store glue gun, some rhinestones, a few hundred yards of purple velvet and told to "go, girlfriend".
I see Forrest standing next to two blindingly blonde and beautiful people whom I can only assume are the twin monarchs. It's all I can do to stop myself from breaking away from Ahmed and running into his arms. The intense look on his face turns darker when he starts to survey the damage to my face. I hear the all too familiar growl and my heart skips a beat. Oklahoma has changed into an even tackier gown along with a Cowardly Lion-esque cape. She wastes no time in protesting the intrusion.
"As you can see the Stackhouse woman is here and is my prisoner. Now, might we do away with the formalities? There are things I need to attend to and as you know we don't share the friendliest of histories." She turns her glare away from me to Cersei and then back again to me. If looks could kill, well you know that old saying. Freyda stands as if to dismiss the rest of the vampires but the male twin, Jaime, holds his hand up and motions for her to stop.
"We are here to determine the validity of your claim on this woman as a prisoner, Freyda."
"Excuse me?" Oklahoma arches a well-manicured eyebrow at the King of Tennessee but she sits her ass right back down on her badly manufactured, second rate throne.
Jaime starts to pace back and forth in front of the throne, his hands gathered behind his back and the look on his face intent.
"Your claim is that this woman came to Oklahoma with the intent of luring your husband, Eric Northman, away from you. You also claim that she had premeditated a plot to convince him to murder you as well."
"That is exactly what I claim. I speak the truth."
"Our sources tell us that is NOT the truth. We have reliable information that Miss Stackhouse was in our territory when she was kidnapped by your husband. He then took her to Louisiana, to her hometown and it was you who then snatched her away and brought her here to Oklahoma."
"And why would I do such a thing?"
"Jealousy! Pure and simple! You only want things that you cannot and should not have you despicable twat!"
I'm shocked to realize that even though the voice sounds amazingly similar to Jaime's, the words are coming from Cersei. She's furious, enraged to the point of her entire body shaking uncontrollably. I don't doubt for a second that she's as insane as Eric implied after hearing and seeing this outburst. She points a bony finger in Freyda's face but Jaime calmly walks over and puts his arms around his twin. I can't hear what he's saying but the tones are soothing and after a tense moment Cersei seems to calm, at least a little. Jaime resumes his pacing and soon regains his train of thought.
"If this is indeed how you came about your prisoner then you have no true claim and need to release her into our custody." This is a different voice, a deeply creepy sounding voice that comes from the shadows to the right of the throne, behind the twins and Forrest.
"Magister," Freyda sputters, truly taken aback as evidenced by her tone and appearance, "I did not know you had accompanied The Lannister's and this outsider." She spits the last word at Forrest like he's the most undesirable creature she's ever laid eyes on. My dislike for her intensifies exponentially.
"Indeed, anytime there are allegations regarding the undue abuse of a human it's my duty to address them immediately. Surely you are as aware as I that in this day and age of species unrest and tension we cannot tolerate negative publicity in any measure."
"Publicity? I don't understand." Freyda's sputtering has gotten worse in the last minute or so.
"Mr. Bondurant has taken it upon himself to campaign for the release of Miss Stackhouse. He has released to every news station in Tennessee and Louisiana the surveillance video of your husband, Mr. Northman, snatching Miss Stackhouse from his home as well as video of Eric dealing severe injuries to his brothers!" The Magister's voice raises nearly an octave with each sentence. Soon he'll be hitting dog whistle territory. "I'm sure I don't have to tell you how tentative our seat of power is in the Tennessee territory to begin with; they've been the most resistant to our kind out of all of the states." The thin ghoul of a vampire emerges from the deep shadows and points his finger at Eric who, up until now, has been a statue beside me. Eric clears his throat but it's me who speaks next.
"Magister, with your permission I think I can clear things up."
"By all means, please do so. And please accept my apologies for your treatment at the hands of Oklahoma and her consort." I can tell that the words coming out of his mouth taste like shit. He honestly wouldn't care if Freyda gutted me with a rusty butter knife except for the fact that this has turned into a PR nightmare thanks to Forrest and his high tech surveillance system.
"Mr. Northman, while misguided, kidnapped me because he believed me to be in danger. He told me that The Queen of Oklahoma planned to have me murdered!"
"I protest my innocence!" Oklahoma jumps up and waves her arms, laying it on thick or rather clutching her pearls as Lafayette would say.
"You'll hold your tongue until I tell you otherwise!" The magister is squeaking at this point but there is real venom in his words and Freyda quiets and sits back down heavily. Now it's my turn to layer it on with a trowel.
"Eric Northman and I parted as friends, he was doing nothing that I would not do for him. He knows that I am in love with Forrest, um, Mr. Bondurant," I take a second to pause dramatically and give a genuine smile to Forrest who blinds me with one of his own. "However he didn't have much faith in Forrest's ability to protect me from Freyda. So he took matters into his own hands. Eric acted out of selfless concern for me, nothing more." I start to take a step back but suddenly turn as dramatically as I can towards Ahmed. Now is the time to see if I am as good an actress as I think I am.
"What?" I shriek theatrically and grab my head as if in pain.
"Miss Stackhouse?" The Magister steps towards me and takes my elbow as if to steady me.
"It can't be true, surely she wouldn't…"
"What is the meaning of this?" Freyda roars from her perch.
"You! You were having sex with Jaime Lannister this whole time!" I scream and point at Oklahoma, putting my hand over my mouth.
Cersei looks like she might literally explode and Jaime stops his pacing, looking at me with his mouth agape.
"And just how do you know this?" the Magister questions as he turns his dark gaze towards Freyda.
Eric beats me to the punch, he's caught on to my deep game and is playing his role just like I'd hoped he would.
"Miss Stackhouse is a well-known telepath who was in my employ long before we started a relationship. Her skills at reading the minds of humans are impeccable; there is no doubt it's one of the reasons that she has remained invaluable to the vampires."
"I heard him thinking it, just now," I whimper as if in pain while mentally asking God to forgive me for my little white lie. "He stood guard in the room as she had sex with Jaime. Apparently he was blackmailed into a sexual relationship with her. She claimed to have footage of him draining a human and held it over his head to force him to do it. She had Ahmed stand guard in case Jaime tried to give her a final death. Ahmed knew all along that Freyda had no proof whatsoever that he had drained a human, she'd only had a lucky guess all along." I end my sentence, staring at Jaime, trying to will him to understand that I'm giving him his way out. It works.
"Yes, Freyda blackmailed me into a very unwanted sexual relationship. I would not wish to ever bring our kind into a bad light and we all know that accidents happen sometimes when feeding from willing donors." Jaime backs away from the throne and deftly maneuvers to Cersei's side, grasping her hand. I decide to play one last card, well to bluff actually.
"You can glamor Ahmed into telling you the truth. He has it all in his memory; I can see it clear as the nose on my face."
It's bullshit. If the Magister should choose to call my bluff and glamor the guard he will indeed find that Jaime and Freyda were fucking like rabid weasels but he won't find that she blackmailed him. I try not to hold my breath because I know it's a dead tell sign of a liar. The Magister looks at all the faces in the room as if he can discern the truth with his gaze. Hell, maybe he can, you never know what funky gifts a vampire gets when they're turned. I feel like I might piss my pants from fright. Finally the Magister speaks and when he does I tinkle just a little bit; I can't help it.
"There's no need for that. I have all the proof I need. The Ancient Pythoness will be called but in the meantime," he says as he turns towards Freyda, "Freyda Samuelsson, Queen of Oklahoma, I bind you as my prisoner under the power of the one true Vampire Authority. You are hereby charged with being in breach of your marriage contract to Eric Northman which states that while you may engage in extra-marital affairs they may not include affairs with other members of Vampire Monarchy according to statute 217.5. To do so means dissolution of the marriage and forfeiture of all property and monarchal rights to the wronged vampire partner. You are also charged with blackmail of a monarch, either of these offenses are punishable by final death or banishment to the bottom of the ocean for all eternity. Do you understand the charges as explained to you by me, Lucius Carnagie, Magister of the Greater Southern Territories?"
Freyda doesn't answer him but instead looks right at me, venom dripping from her fangs and her words. "I don't know how or when but I swear to you, I'll get you for this, and when I get you there'll be no inbred, redneck half breed to save you from my wrath." She's spitting, she's that fucking pissed.
The Magister rolls his eyes and pulls out his phone, punching in numbers without even looking. "Louis, put a call in for me. I need the Pythoness at the Royal home in Oklahoma as soon as vampirically possible."
I laugh out loud at the vampirically and it's the tipping point for Freyda. I see her image blur and then she's in front of me, my neck in her hands and she's squeezing. I don't have time to scream before I see blackness overtaking my vision. Her face is mangled with her fury and I see my death in her eyes. Her face is not the last thing I want to see before I go to meet my maker. Then just as suddenly her head is gone from her shoulders and her hands loosen her grip on me. I feel the blood flow return to my head and see Cersei standing there with Freyda's head in her hands, Oklahoma's mouth is still moving with disbelief, the unseeing eyes blinking.
"On second thought Louis, cancel that. We've no need for the Pythoness anymore."