AN: The Sirius-free time will be over after this chapter! Please read and review!

Chapter 26

- Cognisance-

But weeks kept passing and passing. There were no more news or sightings of Sirius Black. Still Severus stayed in school nearly all the time. Since he found the Marauder's Map in Harry's bag he was sure that Lupin and Sirius were working together and tried to lure him out of the school.

I vaguely remember Sirius telling me about this map they had created in school, but to my knowledge Sirius had been pretty upset because he told me that this map had been confiscated by the caretaker ages ago and he didn't even get it back even after he had finished school. This- of course- was supporting Severus' theory. I was sure a teacher in Hogwarts would be able to retrieve the map from Filch and smuggle it into Harry's bag.

In May I intended to meet with Clot in Hogsmeade. Before it was time to see her, I visited Hogwarts on Severus' demand. It was the first time I had been there for nearly thirteen years. I stood in Severus' study, looking at the irksome glasses full of slimy items. He sat on his desk, staring at me. Something was wrong with him. I could sense that much. My finger ran across a rack, becoming grey from dust.

"You need to dust off." I commented my behavior.

"Why did you agree to meet her here?"

"Whom?"

"Do you always have to answer with a counter question? How many people are you going to meet in Hogsmeade tonight? If you didn't lie to me, there should be only one possible answer." His voice was soft, but I knew the danger was huger by far when he was talking softly.

"Clot." I nodded.

"So, why here?"

"I don't know, she suggested this place." I shrugged.

"Because Hogsmeade is so full of beautiful memories for her? She has been to Durmstrang, if I recall correctly."

"You do. I don't know why she suggested it."

"It wasn't more your idea to meet here? See if you will find Black? Or meet with Lupin? You haven't been here for ages. Why now? Don't lie to me."

"I don't want to meet Lupin, maybe Clot is intending to run into him somehow. I don't know. She used to fancy him and Clot is pretty persistent." Somehow I wasn't willing to tell him the truth.

"Especially since Lucius isn't interested in her anymore."

"I guess."

"Is she your best friend or what?" His anger became apparent in his voice. "What is it you want here? Don't feed me this story about your friend planning to bump into a former crush of hers accidentally tonight of all nights."

"It's childish, I know. But she overheard somewhere that he has an appointment in the Hog's Head tonight. And asked me to come." I admitted.

"And you? You are coming here to help her? Perfectly well aware of the fact that Black is running around somewhere here? And you are aware of the fact that I think that Lupin provided him access to this castle twice? Why on earth did you agree to come? I think you are trying to find him. Or ask Lupin for him. Don't think I didn't recognize that you are thinking quite a lot about him lately and why he doesn't try to contact you." How did he know?

I stared at the tips of my Gucci shoes, thinking hard. Why did I agree to this stupid plan? I had been too well aware of all those facts Severus just had mentioned.

"That's not true." I looked in his eyes.

"Lying sure comes easy to you. You don't have to take a breath, blink, nothing. Tell me, do you really want to draw his attention on you?" I heard Severus voice coming from far away. Yes, that is what I wanted actually. I wanted him to track me down. I wanted to hear the truth. I wanted to hear him admitting that he betrayed us and that he wants to kill Harry and support Voldemort. I wanted him to tell me that he never loved me and that he didn't really care for me all the time. Maybe I wanted him to tell me the opposite. That he loved me and escaped because of me? I was traitorous. I was disloyal. I knew. But still I had agreed to come.

"Well, I thought things were different between us now. But obviously he has some kind of power over you I do not possess. So go ahead."

I bit my lip. "It's not like that."

"Like what is it then? Enlighten me, please."

"I want it to be over. It cannot stand all these unanswered questions. When he was imprisoned I thought 'That's it.', when he escaped I thought 'It will only be a few days and then he will be dead or captured and that will be it', but nothing happened. He is on the run for nine month now, without me being any the wiser. I have to step up for myself, if I want to have answers from him. And now is the only time I might be able to get them."

I was not sure if my shoe tips had enjoyed my speech much.

"Look at me when you are talking to me."

I looked up. "Is this all you have to say?"

"If the things you just said are all you have to say to me, then this will be all I have to say to you." His tone was carefully plain.

"Severus, this is not a matter between me and you. Like it is not a matter between me and you when you kill him because of what he did to Lily."

"And you think you will succeed in finding him when I do not? Are you sure that you really told me everything about him I need to know?"

"I did." He looked at me, considering every word I had just said.

"I will refrain from killing him myself. I have a wife to take care of now. If he is recaptured the Dementor's kiss will be performed at him anyway. He will be worse than dead. And my family will not have to suffer from my revenge." His tone was light, casually.

But I got the message, of course. I was more important to him than the revenge he had been living for so long and now he expected the same from me. He should be more important to me than the search for my answers.

We looked at each other. Alas, couldn't he fight dragons or something instead of doing something noble? There was no way I could be going to Hogsmeade tonight.

I met Clot in London the week after my defeat in Hogwarts. Quickly I told her what had made me cancel on her.

"He is really wicked, you know that? He scares me. Why does he always know what you are up to? I will not be able to look into his eyes again." Clot shuddered.

"But tell me- did you see Remus?"

"More than that." She grinned. "We talked and had a butterbeer together. Actually I have to thank Severus for stopping you. I appeared five minutes after he was due to his appointment in the Hog's Head, strode past him and a guy I do not know and gave him a wink. The other guy left two minutes later and Remus literally flew over to my table with two butterbeers in his hands. Said he was really pleased to see me and everything. We had a nice chat."

"Well, that much worked out, huh? It's really amazing how you planned that one out."

"Nah, you know I am the best 'meet-people-by-accident'- planner. He asked me about you, of course. I told him that we have still contact, but that you live abroad. He told me to say hello to you from him and that was that. He didn't mention Sirius after all. I don't know if that's a good sign or a bad sign."

"Did he talk about his work?"

"Yes, quite a lot. But Black's inroads aren't topic talk of the day exactly anymore."

"Hum." I was disappointed to be true. I had hoped she found something out.

"We said, we'd owl and meet again."

"All right. Then you have everything you wanted, I guess."

"Always have, always will- but to veer off: I won a trip for two people to the Maldives. You want to join me? It's the first three weeks of July. First class, baby!"

I laughed. "Where did you win a trip to the Maldives?"

"Witch weekly. I thought every one knew that the bassist of the Wired Sisters dumped his last girlfriend on March 21st. That's common knowledge. But she was ugly anyways."

"Okay, I see." Clot and her gossip…

"So, what do you say?"

"That's in Adhara's holidays. I cannot leave her at home alone."

"She will be thirteen, I am sure she will be glad to be home alone."

"Right- until it's either breakfast time or the carpet just won't stop burning."

"Are you married or what?"

I raised my eyebrow at her. "I doubt that Severus will agree to babysit her."

"He is so selfish." Clot grinned. "Let's take her with us."

"I don't know. This might be mad expensive."

"Hello? Since when you are broke?"

"I will talk to Severus about this."

"Dear, now you don't sound like your mother anymore, but like my grand-mother. Ask your dear husband then. But he'd better say 'yes'. This will be not only ladies night, but ladies holidays."

To my surprise Severus was immediately agreeing to the idea of me spending my holidays with Adhara and Clot on the Maldives. I don't know why. Maybe he was planning to use his free-time to track Sirius down and hand him over to the Dementors or kill him 'accidentally' by himself. He wanted me and my daughter out of his way- that much was sure. Little did we know, that it would turn out to be unnecessary soon enough.

My living-room was chaotic. I had stuff thrown everywhere, trying to pack for my holidays. Would I be needing a jumper? The nights might be cold. But surely not cold enough for a mohair pullover? I sighed and slammed it on the floor.

"Sadra!" I jumped to see Severus' head in my fireplace.

"What happened?" I immediately knelt in front of my fire-place for his voice had been so very urgent.

"Black." He was panting like he had run a long way.

"What?" I gasped.

"I captured him, but he escaped."

"No." I breathed. "What happened?"

"He…"- His voice was shacking with hate. "He and Lupin lured Harry and his friends into the Shrieking Shag. I wanted to bring Lupin his Wolfsbane because this stupid idiot is so fucking dumb that he forgot about it. They were all having a nice little chat in there. Black must have told them a crazy story: He is innocent. He wasn't the Secret Keeper but Peter Pettigrew and it was Pettigrew who killed all those Muggles, not Black. Harry and his friends attacked me, I was unconscious for a while, when I woke up again Lupin was gone and the rest was knocked out cold. I brought them to the castle and Black was to be handed to the Dementors. But he escaped on this ruddy Hippogriff. I guess that Dumbledore helped him."

My mouth stood open in horror. This story was not making sense at all.

"And Harry believed that Sirius is innocent?" My head was spinning.

"He did." Severus growled. "And I am afraid that Dumbledore believed him, too. He talked to him in the tower. He must have confounded them!"

"Dumbledore? I don't think that he is to be confounded. Didn't you tell me that he is a skilled Legilimens?" I felt that my body had started shaking again. Could this be possible? Sirius innocent? How? Why?

"What do I know? Dumbledore always loved his little marauding assholes. He is going to buy any crap they present to him." His voice rattled with anger and badly suppressed hate.

"But what if that's true?! What if he has been innocent?" I cried.

"He is not innocent. I will prove it! He was the right hand of the Dark Lord. He might convince a school-boy and a foolish old men of his innocence, but not me."

"Severus!"

"No! He is responsible for Lily's death and I will not allow him to get away with another of his fantastic stories! I will make him pay for all he did to her!"

"Severus!" I panicked, my brain was over-full with thoughts, emotions, fears. Peter? Could it have been Peter? Adhara! If he was innocent after all? Why didn't he come to tell me?

"Sadra, I want you to go to Maldives right now! I will make your excuses at work and bring Adhara to you. But I cannot guarantee for nothing from now on! The old fool might be senile enough for Black, but I will make him pay!" His face was white and contorted with rage. I have never seen him more repelling. With a whimper I backed away from the fireplace, I was completely unable to cope with the things I just heard.

"Leave tonight!" Severus roared, then I heard a pop and he was gone.

"He trusts him. Remus, Harry and his friends all saw Peter! He is alive! Sadra, Sirius is innocent!"

I fumbled with the straw of my cocktail. Clot had arrived a few hours ago, Adhara was with her. Severus had picked her up at the end of term and brought her to Clot. Adhara was in our little wooden house on the beach, sleeping for it was after midnight.

"And your dear husband was so nice to let slip that Remus is a werewolf. He will never get a proper job again! Severus is such a mean person."

"He is anxious because of Sirius."

"Anxious? Him? I've never seen a person less anxious, believe me! He is evil! And he has been a Death Eater for real!"

But I knew better. What would it mean to our marriage when Sirius was innocent? He had to be anxious. Clot was still talking, but I wasn't listening to her anymore. She had met Remus who told her everything first hand. She kept retelling the story, swearing up and down that Peter Pettigrew had been the one to betray the Potters and that Sirius wanted to kill him for this the day the twelve Muggles died by a course from Peter.

"…for the time…

"Clot?" I interrupted her.

"Hum?"

"Why did he not contact me to tell me the truth?"

"He has been living in the Forbidden Forrest in Hogwarts' grounds for Merlin's sake. He cared about nothing except Harry who was in peril danger because of Pettigrew! I guess he thought that you moved on. Which is exactly what you did."

"Is this an accusation, Clot? Are you blaming me now that I didn't keep faith in him? You of all people? Remember what you said in that fireplace to me the night they brought in James and Lily? He could have told me that he was not their Secret Keeper! He had a week time to tell me!" The last sentence was more screamed than anything else.

"I don't know why!" Clot snapped back.

"I would have gone any length to prove his innocence if I had only known." I whispered while tears started streaming down from my eyes.

"So you believe him? Him and Remus and Dumbledore?"

I slowly nodded. Severus' story was a spawn of his hate and his fright. I might not have believed it when it would only have been Remus to tell the tale. But if Dumbledore believed Sirius, it had to be the truth. I never liked the old men, but if there was one thing for sure, then the fact that Dumbledore was not to be confounded within seconds, not even by Sirius. Dumbledore had helped Sirius to escape and he had done so with a reason. But what would happen now? I greedily gulped some more of my cocktail. I had no idea whatsoever what step was to be taken next. Clot beamed at me.

"I knew you would come to your senses."

A few days later, I sat on the beach, listening to the eternal sound of the ocean. Waves would be licking the sand for ever and ever, no matter what would happen to me or my life. It was strangely pacifying. The moon light was glistening on the playing water, making the dark sea look friendly and peaceful. Clot had gone to bed what felt like ages ago. I sat there and drank, drank and drank more of these colored cocktails day after day, but I still wasn't feeling better or boozed. The soft, neat white sand ran through my fingers, a gentle breeze was playing with my curls.

I felt his presence before he even might have been there.

"You." I whispered.

"Me." He stated.

"What is it you want?"

"To talk to you."

"How did you know where I am?"

"Clot wrote to Remus."

I nodded. I should have expected something like this. I heard that he was moving towards me, I could smell the dirt in his robes, but lingering beneath this prominent reek, I could smell his scent. Sirius Black.