Chapter 25: Rock Heads
"Hinata, tell me when you can see them. We should be getting close to your range pretty soon."
"I see them. This isn't good. It's Fuujin and Raijin," Hinata said.
While Fuujin and Raijin were technically only chunin level. Their abilities made them incredibly difficult to deal with. They were distant relatives of the Akamichi clan known as the Legendary Stupid Brothers. They were about as intelligent as a rock, a very stupid rock, if you multiplied their IQs together. People that stupid should be easily dealt with, but unfortunately they had somehow developed a new bloodline. It allowed their fat to act as both muscle and armor, making them almost impervious to harm and giving them strength on par with the legendary strength of Tsunade. Their ability would have been nearly useless on any well conditioned ninja, but these two were about as conditioned a a deep-fried tub of lard and were always eating more. Only the steady low-calorie prison diet they had been fed had kept them from growing out of control.
Fortunately, there were two people in their group that did not rely on physical force to win. Shino could hopefully use his bugs to siphon off chakra. If that didn't work, Naruto and Hinata would need to get in close and use the internal damage inflicted by their taijutsu styles to take the brothers down. If that failed, Naruto was hoping Gaara could force sand into their lungs and cause them to asphyxiate, or they could grab some of the poisonous plants and convince the two they were food.
Naruto signaled for Shino to begin. One by one, insects began to land in the hard to reach places on the Stupid Brothers. After ten minutes, Shino recalled his insects.
"It's no use. They are not emitting enough chakra for a kikai to drain, it is as if the chakra becomes trapped below the surface where my allies cannot ingest it."
"Okay. Considering these guys are pretty much invulnerable, I think we should skip straight to poison. I bet if they discovered a couple animals roasting over a fire, they wouldn't hesitate to eat them."
"I saw a few poisonous plants back there, but it would be better if we could find a centipede or a snake," Hinata said.
Naruto looked around. "I've got one. A snake, only a small one, which in this forest means deadly enough to survive being small. Shino, can your kikai kill it, I don't want to get too close to it."
"That is an achievable goal."
"There's a tree in that direction," Naruto pointed as he talked, "There's a large fork about thirty meters up above a knot hole. The snakes in the hole."
Shino headed in the direction Naruto had indicated.
"Hinata, can you get the poisonous herbs? More poisons is better, right?"
"Okay, Naruto-kun," Hinata headed off on her own mission.
Naruto swung his eyes around and located a decently sized animal. "Gaara-chan, can you keep an eye on those two while I grab them a snack?" Gaara responded with a silent nod, "Okay, I'll be back in a few minutes, I'll leave you a clone.
-Return of the Hummingbird-
Hinata and Shino mixed their poisons to create a thick, but deadly paste. Hinata had even gathered some of the sickly-sweet stomach juices of a carnivorous plant to cover the bitter taste of the poisonous herbs and venom. Naruto had captured a large boar-like creature that had four eyes and thick scales that covered its hindquarters. Naruto skinned the hindquarters and sliced deep gouges into the tenderloin of the beast, then stuffed the holes with their mixture of poisons and used some fire chakra to cook the creature upwind of the Legendary Stupid Brothers. Like moths to the flame, the scent of cooking meat drew the two brothers.
"We're hungry," Raijin, the younger of the two brothers announced.
"That smells good. Give it to us," Fuujin said.
"Well, there is no way we could finish this on our own. We really don't eat that much, but what would we get out of it?" Naruto asked.
"We can give you this scroll if you give us food," Raijin declared, displaying a red-sealed scroll.
"That is acceptable. We will give you a back leg and flank for your scroll," Shino acknowledged, "The best part with the most meat."
"You will give me that as well!" Fuujin insisted.
"Your brother is paying for his with that nice little scroll," Naruto drawled lazily, "What are you going to do for your share?"
Fuujin frowned, then his face brightened as he brought out a black-sealed scroll.
"Looks like we have a deal," Naruto said, flaring his fire chakra enough to cause a slight charring, "and the food is almost ready. Just give your scrolls to one of the two pretty young ladies and then I'll give you your portions."
It was too easy. The brothers handed over their scrolls and Naruto cut them the poisoned hindquarters. They had originally planned on making a show of taking bites of the ribs and shoulders, but the brothers didn't even think to consider that their meal was anything more than Naruto and Shino had made it out to be. Luck was really on their side because one of the poisons they had used also acted like an anesthetic. The brothers did not even notice the nerve toxin from the snake as they became drowsy and fell asleep. A few minutes later, their breathing slowed and halted. Their heartbeats following soon after.
Their luck ran out soon enough. Killing them had been easy enough, but gathering proof of it seemed almost impossible. They had tried hacking the heads off, but their kunai just sunk into the blubber, never even piercing the skin. Gaara tried crushing the bodies, but it was of no use. Naruto tried sealing them in their entirety into scrolls, but didn't have any paper big enough to hold one of them. They were also so heavy that it took several Naruto clones to move them, and even then it was at a snails pace. It made lifting Kubikiribouchou feel like lifting a small-sized senbon needle.
"Well, this sucks. At this rate, the time will run out before we can get them to the tower," Naruto complained.
"I will attempt to alleviate this inconvenience," Shino offered. He stuck a hand into both of the deceased brothers' mouths and let his swarm loose. "They do not have such a thick protective layering of fat on the inside of their bodies. I believe that my allies can drain the chakra from the flesh and eat their way out from the inside."
It was a sickening process to watch. The flesh quickly lost color, becoming pale and gray before rippling with bulges and dimples. The flesh almost seemed to melt away as their necks were swarmed by kikaichu eating away at the sagging flesh until only the column of spinal bones connected their heads to their shoulders.
"That has got to be one of the most disgusting things I have ever seen," Naruto complained.
"It is a natural process, no matter how unappealing you find it to be." Shino drew one of his blades and severed the bones, completing the decapitation of the Stupid Brothers so that Naruto could seal their heads.
"We should s-see what the other scrolls s-say," Hinata suggested.
Naruto opened the red scroll first. "Steal the hitai-ates from a team of chunin located in the north-eastern quadrant of the forest." He opened the black one. "Kill Naruto Uzumaki. Well, we sure as hell aren't doing that one. Why the hell is that even here? We passed the first phase. Probably some old man with a stick up his ass trying to dispose of the fox boy."
"I think you should save it and turn it over to Anko-sensei," Hinata suggested.
"You have no mercy, do you Hinata," Naruto gasped in mock horror.
"No, she could have suggested tracking down the criminal and turning them over to me," Gaara suggested.
"Are all women this bloodthirsty?" Naruto whispered to Shino.
"It is not uncommon for the females of many species to consume the males after impregnation," Shino pointed out. Naruto shuddered.
-Return of the Hummingbird-
The group returned to base camp with their prize. Surprisingly, one of the other teams had stumbled upon Kankuro and has walked right into the tiger trap. Unfortunately, it was not one of the ones they had a mission to capture. Naruto sealed the heads, just in case they ran across a scroll that went with them, then regaled Temari and Kankuro with the tale of how the idiot brothers had been defeated and their scrolls captured.
"So, now we have twenty-three missions left. Twelve genin teams and ten criminals to kill, and a group of chunin to steal from, since we're obviously not completing the kill-me mission," Naruto summarized.
"Naruto, is t-there anyone else nearby?"
Naruto did a quick scan, but found only animals. "No, It's not that easy this time. I guess we'll have to actually look around."
"While this mission was not strenuous, I recommend that we use this opportunity to take a short respite while a group of clones performs reconnaissance to locate our targets.
"You can also help to cover the pit again," Kankuro suggested.
"I'm going to take a nap," Temari said, "If you get knocked unconscious while you're out, your clones will disappear, so we can't rely on them as lookouts. Wake me if you're going to leave again."
-Return of the Hummingbird-
"I've located one of our targets!" Naruto announced.
"Where are they?" Kankuro asked, "You gonna go after them soon?"
"Don't have to. They're coming to us," Naruto grinned, "Seems like the Iwa teams like to work together too. They are planning to come here and ambush any teams heading to the tower."
"Too bad that only works for the first group to set up an ambush," Kankuro said, " How long do we have?"
"They should be here in about ten minutes at the speed they are moving," Naruto said, "Anyone who wants to be prepared better start preparing."
"Okay," Gaara agreed before grains of sand began converging into a fortification on their side of the tiger trap. It was high enough to provide them cover if they crouched, but low enough that they could easily fire jutsu and projectiles over it.
Kankuro attached chakra strings to various trap triggers and positioned his puppets in hiding places.
Naruto set a few transformed clones on both sides of the pit, as well as setting up several behind the fortifications Gaara built, each with several kunai and a few explosive tags.
Hinata and Temari merely crouched behind the wall and waited.
Shino spread his kikai over the area and also created a group of illusionary clones that looked like a team standing right over the middle of the pit. Akama was sent to hide out of sight and to help the clones make sure that none of the Iwa nin were able to retreat.
They were all ready. With their amount of planning and preparation, things should have gone smoothly... But, no plan ever survives an encounter with the enemy.
"Above!" Hinata alerted them.
Naruto barely moved out of the way in time as a boulder slammed into the spot he'd occupied moments before, only to feel the earth shift below him. He rolled out of the way as a cone of earth shot up. It caught his coat and left him suspended several feet in the air.
"Where are they?" Hinata asked, "I can't see them."
Naruto scanned around. "About half a kilometer dead ahead!" He could see a couple of them were performing hand signs while one was laying on the ground. "They're firing from long range. I think one of them is some sort of sensor!"
"Anyone have a jutsu that can hit them?" Temari asked.
"Even with an eye on them, my range is half that at best," Kankuro said.
Gaara deflected a large boulder, sending it careening into the pit trap where it snapped several of the deadly wooden spikes.
"Our team has nothing at that range!" Naruto growled, "But maybe I can get a clone to fly there!" There was a massive burst of smoke, but when it cleared, Naruto held only a single kunai in his hand. "Here it goes!"
He whipped the kunai straight up, far above the tops of the tallest trees. As it reached the peak of its ascent, the kunai transformed into a clone of Naruto who tossed another Kunai straight over the forest. That kunai in turn became another Naruto who let loose a barrage of Kunai before being vaporized by the massive explosion that ensued.
Naruto rubbed his head. He had lost a few dozen clones in a moment thanks to the explosive tags on the kunai-clones. He glanced back to the enemy. Several trees were on fire. He couldn't make out anything. "I hope that got some of them. I can't tell through the fires! I think I got the sensor though, no way she could avoid all of those." Naruto announced.
"They're c-coming!" Hinata warned.
"You leaf bastards!" A boy came charging towards them, holding a short staff, which suddenly elongated so that he could vault over the pit. "You killed Yuri and Byakurou!" His staff whipped over his head, drawing in a hard coating of earth as he tried to slam the staff down in the middle of the group. He was abruptly cut off as a monstrous looking human seemed to appear out of nowhere, limbs clattering behind it as a blade extended from an arm that lashed out, slicing the rock nin across the chest. He paled and tumbled down into the pit.
"Good one, Kankuro!" Temari congratulated.
"You may have gotten Ankojou and his team, but we're not so weak! You'll pay for killing out team mate!" Another Iwa nin kept his distance and she performed some hand seals. "This is for Dojou!"
"Just kill them already, Doronko!" her remaining team mate said.
"Shut up, Daichi! Doton: Doro Houshi!"
The ground beneath Naruto's feet shifted as it turned into mud, sticking to their feet as it flowed towards their own trap. Temari took to the air, gliding over the trap with her fan. The others were grabbed by the hidden clones and forcefully thrown over towards the incoming enemies.
Damn! Watch out!"
"Katon: Goukakyuu no Jutsu!" One of the Iwa nins called out, expelling a large ball of flame where Naruto was falling.
"Need a lift?" Kankuro's Crow puppet grabbed Naruto and tossed him over the flames, sending him crashing into the boy who had been creating them.
"Sekitan!" Naruto was grabbed by an Iwa nin and thrown towards another, "Yogosu, catch!"
Yogosu slammed his hands into the ground and it turned into a sickly, black, bubbling, puddle. "I got him!"
Naruto was pretty sure he did not want to touch whatever it was. He formed a shadow clone and let it take the fall, leaping off its back and slamming his hand into the enemy's chest. Chakra flared and the Iwa nin's heart turned into soup. Naruto shuddered as he felt his clone disperse. The puddle had been some sort of acid, and fast acting. The clone had half melted before it could disperse.
"Doton: Doryuuheki!"
Naruto felt something heavy and wet slam into his back and send him tumbling to the ground where his head and torso were buried under a pile of chakra enforced mud that built up until it was too heavy for him to move or even breathe.
"Way to go, Kabetsuchi! Katon: Ryuuka!" Sekitan's voice sounded muffled and almost inaudibly quiet through the thick layers of earth.
Naruto screamed as he felt his legs bathed in scalding flames. As his limited air disappeared, he passed out.
-Return of the Hummingbird-
"You're an embarrassment," the Kyuubi growled, glaring down at Naruto.
"They outnumbered us, and I took out like half of them!" Naruto complained.
"If you used my chakra, you could have killed them all easily," Kyuubi purred.
"You just want to take over my body."
"True," Kyuubi agreed, "Would that really be so bad?"
Naruto looked at the tailed beast with a cocked eyebrow, silently waiting.
"I could promise not to destroy your home," Kurama offered.
"And, what guarantee would I have that you'd keep that promise. It's not like I want you stuck in my gut. It I could let you out and not have anyone die because of it, I would do it in a heartbeat."
"How about a window at least, maybe a nice forest. I do not relish the idea of spending my last millennium of life in this sewer."
"And, what do you expect me to do about it? I'm not messing with the seal."
"You're an imbecilic flesh bag! Use your head for once in your pathetic life!" the fox growled.
"I'm not that stupid!" Naruto retorted.
"Then use that damn brain of yours and fix this place."
"I don't know how!"
"Use your imagination!"
"Why did you even bring me in here if all you're going to do is complain about my stupidity?"
"I'm telling you how to change it. We're in your mind. Dream and it is so. It's not complicated, it just takes the smallest iota of self control and awareness. Even infants can do it, so what in the seven hells is stopping you!"
"Oh..." Naruto's face lit up, "I just have to use my imagination."
"Every day, I wish more and more for the chance to kill you."
Naruto frowned as he concentrated, then he began to giggle as he got a rather interesting idea and pictured it.
"What do you think you're doing?" Kurama yipped.
Naruto opened his eyes and looked around. The sewers had been replaced by a forest, not unlike the forest of death. Vines dangled, strung between trees, pulsing with various fluids and chakra like the pipes from the sewer. Kyuubi was no longer trapped in a cage, but instead had a den under one of the large trees, though Kyuubi himself was as small as Akama when Naruto had first met him. Around his neck was a black leather collar which had a tag dangling from it with the seal on it.
"Is that better?" Naruto asked, having to stifle a giggle at Kyuubi's new kit form.
"Yes. I finally have room to stretch my legs," Kyuubi agreed.
"So, will you tell me what you brought me here for then?"
"The next stage of Akama's training. You've noticed that his size is becoming impractical, and not just because of the amount of food he consumes. You already know the fox transformation technique because you stumbled across it when trying to use the human imitation. Learn to do it without hand seals and teach him how. Once he can transform, he can transform into something with hands so he can perform human-style jutsu," Kurama explained, "And, as a bonus for sprucing thing up a bit, I'll teach you something." The Kyuubi chuckled at his own pun, which Naruto found to be rather weak considering that the forest didn't have any spruce trees.
"The reason you have so much trouble learning fire manipulation is because fire is the weakness of wind which is you natural element. Of all the basic elements, fire is the one your chakra is weak against and therefore the most difficult for you to use. You would have easily gotten earth or water by now which are neutral to wind. The only reason that you have done so well with fire so quickly is that you regularly mingle your chakra with two beings with strong fire natures.
"I have already explained to you that fire's nature is primarily heat and secondarily explosive. Wind's nature is primarily sharp and secondarily pressure. Water is flowing and grinding. Lightning is fast and conductive. Earth is hard and strong.
"You should learn wind manipulation. It is similar to the fire training, but instead of focusing on speed over the whole surface equally to create heat, instead focus on pressure on the edges to grind them to sharpness. Sharper wind is stronger wind.
"Now, you can wake up, your friends have unburied you, and I want to explore."
-Return of the Hummingbird-
Naruto felt gooey, like he was covered in slime. He supposed that the mud was responsible until he felt a rather large and rough tongue coat half of his head with slobber.
"You're awake!" Akama yipped happily.
Naruto groaned and sat up. His mouth tasted like dirt.
"Are y-you okay?" Hinata asked.
Naruto tested his extremities. "I seem to be fine," Naruto said. He looked around. He was on the safe side of the pit again, lying in the grass with a blanket over him. He got to his feet, stumbling at Hinata's startled squeal as he felt an unexpected breeze around parts that usually did not receive one. Hinata turned red and fainted. Naruto retrieved a spare set of pants and dressed himself, cursing the dragon fire that had destroyed the ones he had been wearing.
Kankuro and Gaara were busy restoring the traps while Shino and Temari were keeping watch. "Was anyone else hurt?" Naruto asked his furry companion.
"No, just you," Akama answered, "What did the old man have to say?"
"How did you know that I was talking to the fuzzball?" Naruto asked.
"You were glowing red," Akama answered.
"He wanted an upgrade to his apartment and to tell me to learn how to transform without hand signs so I can teach you how to do it. It will be a lot more convenient when you're back to being small enough to ride around on my head." Naruto adjusted his pants. Against the freshly regrown skin of his legs, the fabric chafed horribly.