Chapter 25 – Percy
"I like traveling, all right," says Percy's father, "I just don't like being away from home."
"Well," says Percy, "it's only for two weeks, right?"
"Ten days," says his father, "I'd have settled for a week, myself. But Amy says she can't really relax the first couple of days of a vacation so a week is just too short."
"So you're taking ten days," says Percy.
"Have some guacamole," says his father. "I bought it myself."
"Thanks," says Percy.
They are sitting in the living room of his father's bachelor pad, just the two of them, hanging out before dinner, talking vacations and guacamole.
Percy's father is going on one and serving the other.
Percy does not have much to say about either, but he rather talk about them than lots of other things.
Like his father's Triton swim trainer, for example. The handsome, American-made and swimmer approved trainer that replicates all aspects of freestyle swimming – kicking and all. His father's latest toy sits in the corner of the living room, looking like a piece of ultramodern sculpture.
Percy's father was one of the first people to buy one and Percy has admired it. But right now, Percy is pretending it is not there. He does not want to get into a conversation about exercising. He is afraid of where is might lead.
So far, he has not said anything to his father about not swimming competitively anymore, although – by now – there's no doubt in his mind that those days are behind him.
He has been trying to think of a way to break it to his father that wouldn't give him heart failure.
So far, he has not been able to come up with one.
So whenever his father has gone on about how great things are going to be when Percy gets back to his old self and starts churning out the mileage, Percy hasn't stopped him. He has warned him to not get his hopes too high, but he hasn't stopped him.
"Hungry?" asks his father.
"Always," says Percy.
"Good," says his father. "Because I got you a steak as thick as my fist. Dinner of champions!"
Percy laughs. "Great," he says.
"You like it, don't you?"
"Steak?" asks Percy.
"My swim trainer."
"Oh." His father caught him staring at the damned thing. "Yeah," he says. "It's great."
"It's yours."
"No. I can't take it. But thank you."
"I want you to have it," says his father. "For your shoulder. You can work out on it. Right at home. Anytime you want."
"Right," says Percy. "Twenty-four hours a day, if I want."
"Well," his father says with a smile. "You have to sleep."
"And eat," says Percy.
"You have a lot of work to do, if you want to swim in the summer league. Hell, you may be able to make it back for part of the spring league if you work hard enough."
"Definitely," says Percy.
"Anyway," says his father, "I have inside information that Santa Claus is bringing me the newest version that I saw in USA Swimming magazine last month. The computer has different programs like swimming the English Channel or around Key West."
"Dad," says Percy.
"Nope," says his father. "I don't want to hear any more about it. It's yours."
"Don't you think it's about time you stopped believing in Santa Claus?"
His father eyes him warily. "What do you mean?"
What the hell¸ Percy tells himself. Might as well, now that you've started it –
"I mean swimming, Dad."
"What about it?"
He isn't going to make this easy.
"Dad, we went to four different doctors."
"Yeah?"
"They all said the same thing."
"They did not."
"They all said it would be risky for me to swim competitively."
"It's risky to cross the street," says his father. "But are you going to spend all your life on the block where you were born?"
"It's not the same thing, Dad."
"The hell it is."
"This is my shoulder, Dad. That I lift with. That I use. My shoulder."
"Jarick didn't think it was risky."
"Jarick!" says Percy, dismissing the man as well as his opinion with a wave of his hand. Dr. Jarick had been the fourth and last doctor they had consulted, the one his father had been looking for all along, the swim fan.
"All he said was, if it happened again, he could probably fix it," says Percy. "Because he can 'work miracles.' "
"He's the best," says his father. "Ondone even said so."
Dr. Ondone was one of the other three doctors they consulted, one of the three that worried about the consequences of a second dislocation.
"Thanks to Jarick, there are guys swimming and playing baseball today who experts had written off as hopeless cripples," says his father.
"Dad."
"Did he work on Maddox or was it Martinez? Maybe it was Pettitte."
"Dad," says Percy. "It doesn't matter. I don't want to be in a position where all the experts are writing me off as a hopeless cripple."
His father looks at him.
"Even if Jarick can work miracles," Percy tells him, "I don't want to need a miracle to make it possible for me open a door or lift a cup of coffee."
"You are just scared," says his father. "That's normal. But in time you will get over that."
He doesn't get it!
"It's over, Dad. I've decided."
Say it!
"I'm not swimming competitively anymore."
There!
His father blinks his eyes in disbelief.
"You have to," he says.
Calmly.
Like there's no question about it.
Like it's Percy's duty.
"Why?" Percy asks him.
"Why?" asks his father. He's getting angry now. The shock of what Percy's told him is wearing off and he's getting angry.
"Because!" he says, fighting to control his temper. "Because of all the time and energy you've put into it. Because of all the work you've done. Because of all the goals you've set for yourself."
"What goals, Dad?"
"To be the best!" says his father.
"That's what it's about?" asks Percy.
"Yes," says his father. "That's what it's about. Being the best damned swimmer in the whole damned world."
"Being a winner," says Percy.
"Yes!"
"No matter what it costs."
"You pay the price," says his father.
"To get the winner's share of the glory," says Percy.
"Yes," says his father. "Is there something wrong with that?"
"No," says Percy. "I guess not."
"You guess not?"
"Except those aren't my goals."
"Since when?" asks his father.
"Since forever, Dad," says Percy. "Those are your goals."
"The hell they are!" his father shouts. "They're everybody's goals! Only not everybody has the stuff to achieve them! And you do! If you've got the guts to accept a little risk!"
Percy does not believe it! "Jesus, Dad!"
"Everything in life's a risk," his father tells him. "Airplanes fall out of the sky. Food gets tampered with. Lunatics shoot up an office building."
But Percy is not listening. He did not expect this to be easy. But he never thought he'd hear his own father accusing him of lacking guts. He never thought he'd see his father practically daring him to risk crippling himself.
For what? he asks himself. For a medal? For whom?
He wants to cry, but he doesn't. He gets to his feet and walks over to the window and stands there, looking out.
After awhile, he hears his father heave a sigh.
"What do you want to do?" he asks. "What are your goals?"
"I don't know, Dad."
"Of course you don't."
Turning away from the window, Percy looks across the room at his father. He's sitting on the sofa, watching the guacamole changing color, looking utterly defeated.
"But I must be good for something more than just swimming," says Percy. "Don't you think?"
"Sure," says his father. "But what?"
"I don't know," says Percy.
"Shit!" says his father. He slams his hand on the coffee table and gets to his feet. "You want a drink?"
"You mean a drink, drink?"
"Yes."
"No," says Percy. "No thanks."
"I do," says his father. "Several."
As he turns and moves off to the bar on the other side of the room, Percy watches him.
"I love you, Dad."
"I know," says his father. "I love you, too."
"I know," says Percy.
A/N: A short chapter, but one I really enjoyed working on. As you can see, Percy is starting to come into his own and be his own person. It is never easy telling someone how you feel, but I feel like it was important for Percy to tell his dad that his dreams are not his dad's dreams.
I know, I know! You all want Percabeth! It is right around the corner. I promise!
Thank you for all the wonderful support - especially those who say that they love how I have developed the characters. Any questions or feedback are graciously appreciated. And those of you who review all the time, I thank you and I hope you like the little secrets I have been sharing you in my replies.
Until next time...
Enjoy and Happy Reading! - MFP