Chapter 26.
It was two days after the dance and everyone was full of high spirits, the Hogsmeade visit was this past weekend and then they'd have a week before the start of Christmas break. It seemed as though nothing could go wrong with the day or with the month despite the teachers' attempts at giving out a scary amount of homework.
Lily walked down the hallways with her friends talking animatedly to them as they head for Potions class.
Lily has not said anything about her crying at the dance to James, even though he has tried to get her to open up about it. She flatly refused and promised to hex him and give him horns to match his Patronus.
James took the easier route and decided to let her come to him when she wanted to talk. It would be easier then having to get antlers removed.
Lily stood by the door talking, as the others grouped around the class was not large. It consisted of three from Ravenclaw, one from Hufflepuff, four from Slytherin and four from Gryffindor. Lily had felt bad for Peter when he did not get an O.W.L for Potions so was unable to take it for his N.E.W.T year. Lily knew from James that he barely scrapes up an Acceptable for the few classes he was taking, Herbology, Care of Magical Creatures and History of Magic and Charms.
James had told her even with their helping him study and do his work he still gotten two T's and three D's
Lily was stunned, she didn't know he had failed so miserably in his studies and was almost held back because of them. James had told her that Dumbledore felt that if he just concentrated on his four classes he would be fine. He though would never join them to become Aurors.
Slughorn open the door as always greeting Lily with the most enthusiasm.
"Lily my dear, you haven't been coming to my Slug Club meetings, I've sent many invitations to you. There are quite a few young men there who would love to meet you." Slughorn told her happily.
Lily smiled merrily at him.
"Sorry Professor still not interested, I have other things I rather do then see your slug boys." Lily flounced into class. James and Severus glared at Slughorn who ignored it.
Snape quickly went to sit next to Lily before James beat him to it, leaving him sitting with his friends at the table ahead of them.
Severus ignored the other Slytherins who was grumbling about his table partner. Snape didn't care though the guys he did hang out with did not make it into N.E.W.T potions.
"What is with him, why does he sit with her?"
"She's great at potion that's why." one girl said, scornfully.
The other three nodded in agreement.
"Little miss perfect has the answer to everything."
They would have continued to glare and make mean comments but Slughorn started to talk to them.
As soon as he finished talking about the strengthening potion and its benefits he had set them to work.
Lily had removed her scales, her cauldron and the ingredients she'd need from her purse after checking the book.
"Hey Li, I have something new here I worked out." Snape tried to sound as though nothing had changed between them. Lily looked at it interested despite her head warning her to be careful.
Lily looked over the place he had written small notes next to other small notes.
"You think this will work?" Lily looked up surprised.
"Of course I tried it before, during break, it worked great, much better then the book."
A wiry smile played over her lips. He was elated that she seemed willing to talk to him about his work on it.
"We've should have written the book, it would have been more help then the person who did write it." She gave the book a dirty look.
"That's true." Snape looked at her trying to think how to best get her to open up to him.
"Li, I … hmm… Why were you crying?" Severus lowered his eyes to pretend to be interested in the book.
Lily had a feeling this was coming from him and figured he'd do it during potions since it gave him time away from his mates.
Lily sighed deeply as she worked on cutting up her peet roots. Lily looked sideways at Snape to see him looking out the corner of his eyes at her.
"It was nothing, girls cry sometimes it's a…. girl thing." Lily tried to give him a reassuring smile.
"You seem real down lately though. I wish you'd tell me why." Severus looked at her his eyes full of concern instead of anger.
Snape thought she looked like she was wrestling with her thoughts on whether to tell or not. Lily turned to look into his face, his dark eyes melting into her soul. Lily reached a hand up to his face stroking his face gently; enjoying the thrill she always received from the touch of his skin against her own.
"Sev, its … I … I'm sorry I just can't say it… even to you." She added before he could tell her that to him it was fine to tell.
"Why though, I just want to help you." He pleaded wanting her to confied in him once more. It was he knew so much easier when they were young and told each other everything.
Lily felt like her heart would burst with the pain. I want you to help me too; I want to tell you so much that I can't tell you, you asked me to wait to tell you but not why? Lily continued to stroke his face softly. Snape lean his face into her hand enjoying the way her hand and fingers filled him with fiery desire.
"Sev, I wanted to but now I can't not with…. you know…" Lily let her hand fall turning away to start scooping up her roots and dumping them into her cauldron.
Snape looked away he didn't want to talk about that. He once again regretted his decision to join Voldermort.
The rest of the class went quietly for them, Snape didn't want to talk about his choosing the Death Eaters and he didn't want to have her tell him how much it hurt her. There was only one thing he wanted and that was to be powerful and make her proud of him.
He was just sure she'd change her mind later.
The rest of the time went quickly so that it was Christmas break for them now. Lily was glad to be going home and seeing her parents. She had several presents for them, including a picture of a baby boy in a very nice wooden frame.
Lily found a place on the train with her friends. Lily knew that James was going home with Sirius and Remus in tow. Peter was going to his own home this Christmas and had complained about it since his mother had sent him an Owl post one morning telling him that he could not spend another Christmas away from home.
The girls chatted about what they were looking forward to most, Lily noticed Snape walking by looking very gloomy. Her heart felt a tightening of pain knowing that his home life was horrible. She wondered briefly why he was going home or was he going to some friends' house.
Lily walked through the corridors to the restroom when she saw Snape coming out of a different compartment.
"Hello Severus." Lily smiled sadly up at him.
"Hi Lily," Severus sounded as though there was not much to go home too.
"Is everything alright?" Lily asked concerned he sounded even more depressed then she felt.
Snape looked up and down the train corridor. "Here read this when you get home." he slapped a letter into her hands. Severus walked off quickly leaving Lily looking at the paper and wondering what it was about.
At Kingscross, Lily waved good-bye to friends and went to hug her parents tightly.
"Where's Petunia?" Lily asked looking around for her.
"She's at home; she didn't feel up to a car ride." Her father explained to her.
Lily knew that meant she didn't want to see her. Lily sat in the back seat of her father's car. Taking the parchment out of her pocket Lily begun to read the letter Severus had given her.
Dear Mr. Severus Snape,
Dear? Lily wondered about that. It seemed so formal.
We regret to inform you of the passing of your
father and Mother.
It was a most unfortunate accident, which had taken them both.
We have several papers that will need to be signed by you as
the only living heir, thank you for your time on this matter
and our sincere apologies for your loss.
Lily looked at it horrified; he had lost both his parents? Lily looked up feeling the tears well up in her eyes. I'll go see him as soon as possible. Lily promised herself.
It was two days later that Lily was able to make her way to Severus's home to see him.
Lily stood on the front porch feeling a breeze blow by the air so cold she felt it would cut her like a knife, with just her dress and cloak on.
Lily knocked on the door. It creaked open a small ways, an eye looking out.
Lily flipped the hood off her head so he could see it was her.
"Lily. Please come in." Snape open the door wide for her. Lily walked inside the small Muggle radio his dad owned was playing in the background.
A small smile on her lips since she knew he enjoyed Muggle music like she did.
"Sit down, do you want some juice?" Snape asked her.
"Uh." She was so unsure what to say or do now that she was here.
Snape smiled and walked off toward the kitchen while Lily sat down in the armchair.
He was back in a few minutes with a pitcher of dandelion juice and two glasses.
Severus poured some out for her, then handed her the glass. Lily took a sip of juice it was very tangy.
Snape sat down opposite of her, his black eyes searching her face.
"I'm very sorry Sev, I ... Is there anything I can do?" she asked wondering what he needed done.
Snape smiled ironically at her.
"It's not a big loss; all they ever did was fight. I also have this house now, it's paid for so I don't have to worry about that and my mum it turns out had quite a lot of gold stashed away at Gringotts. She of course never told my dad, but it turned out her parents had left her a nice amount which she seldom used so the interest just grew on it." Snape chuckled a bit.
"I am still sorry." Lily smiled at him.
"Tell me Li, why are you so upset." Snape looked at her wanting her to open up to him.
Lily looked apprehensive as though trying to weigh her option and decide if she should tell him or not.
Do I tell him and chance he won't join in with Voldermort or not tell him and see what happens on his own or….
"Sev, I really want to tell you, but I gotta know. Are you really going to try and join the Death Eaters?"
Snape looked away from her a hurt look on his face.
"Why do you care?" he finally asked her softly.
Lily looked as though he struck her. "Their evil Sev, EVIL." Lily didn't know how to get that across to him. Why can't he see that, I hate everything to do with them?
"They just want to make things better for others; it's not evil to want a better life." He told her softly.
"Severus, it's the way they want to go about it and in case you hadn't noticed I'd be one of the first on the list to get rid of." Lily felt her temper rising. Does he want me killed by that lot?
"What about you and Potter?" Snape asked suddenly unexpectedly.
Lily was so taken aback she forgot her anger.
"What does he have to do with you and the Death Eaters?" Lily was truly puzzled by this change of topic. She knew James was so against them; it was almost a maniacal obsession with him.
"It's all over school that you two are dating!" Snape snarled at her. I hate that people keep saying that about Lily. She's supposed to be my girl always.
Lily shook her head her thick mane of auburn hair brushing gently over her shoulders.
"You should know by now that people are always gossiping there and most of it's so embellished its no where near what it had started as."
"You let him kiss you!" Snape was growing angry she didn't seem to be taking this as bad as he had hoped she would.
Why can't she just say she loves me and hates him? Snape thought angrily.
Lily looked puzzled for a moment. "What are you talking about?"
"At Herbology class, you let him— kiss— you!" Snape looked as though it was costing him everything to admit this to her.
Lily laughed at this as the long ago kiss came back to her.
"I didn't let him he just did it. It's also the only time." Lily figured she had better head him off of that thought.
Snape looked away then took a long drink of his juice.
Lily sat back in her chair waiting for him to say something more; the silence grew heavy between them.
Lily wondered what he was thinking and if she had over stayed her welcome and maybe should go now when he finally talked
"I have a secret that you can't reveal to anyone." Snape finally looked at her.
If she sees it maybe it'll impress her? He knew it was a long shot but he had to try to keep her away from Potter.
Lily looked at him as he pulled the sleeve up on his left arm showing her his forearm.
Lily gasped the color leaving her cheeks as she looked at the ugly skull with a large snake protruding out of its mouth.
"What is that?" Lily shivered in fear as she looked into his face her eyes filled with horror. She moved slowly as though in a dream to the edge of her seat to land on her knees on the floor between the two arm chairs.
"Please don't say it's…" Lily couldn't finish as the tears started up.
Lily grabbed his long hand in her own small ones, moving one hand slowly over his arm over the mark that mars the skin of his forearm.
"Oh please Sev, say you didn't join already." Lily cried harder she bent forward her face resting against his hand.
"I did Lily, I wanted too." Snape said his voice was unemotional, he didn't tell her it was to try and make her proud of him.
Lily looked up her eyes flooding with tears. "No, no, no, nooooooo." Lily moaned she held his hand tightly, the fear growing even more in her eyes and face.
"I can never ever tell you now." Lily whispered as she let go of his hands, stood up suddenly and ran for the door. Lily yanked the door open and burst out into the cold night, her cries of anguish sounding behind her. Severus was at the door in moments yelling for her, holding her dark green cloak in his hand that he had snatched off the armchair.
"LILY, LILY, LILY!" Snape shouted he ran out into the cold dark. He couldn't see her anywhere, she was it seemed as fast as her doe Patronus. Snape stopped by the playground he had so many fond memories of them playing there. He had hoped she would have come back here in her grief.
"What can you never tell me Li?" Severus asked with fear in his voice drifted off into the night as he walked back to his lonely home carrying Lily's cloak in his hands. Lily never saw nor heard as Snape held her cloak tight to his chest crying into it.
Once Snape had moved on to look else where, she made her way home, while talking softly and agonizingly to the night.
"You have a beautiful son, I named him after us." Lily told the night, as she watched him leaving to look for her, elsewhere and never seeing her hiding in the bushes he had once hid in so long ago. Lily walked home, cold and miserable, it went down hill from there when she saw that Petunia had her boyfriend over.