"It's over now, I'm cold, alone

I'm just a person on my own

Nothing means a thing to me

Oh, nothing means a thing to me."

I'm Not an Addict by K's Choice

Nessie awakened to mumbling voices that seemed to come from the other room in the suite. She tried to open her eyes, but the infinitesimal amount of light that permeated throughout the room hurt them. She had no clue what time it was or what day it was, for that matter. Her aching body rolled over to steal a quick glance at the alarm clock.

4:00

Her eyes snapped shut again. Consciousness made everything real again. Her dreams were better because he dwelled there. She dreamed of a place where she had never left him, and he still loved her. Being awake reminded her of what she had done.

"You have to go in there a get her out of bed. This isn't good for her, Edward." She heard a female voice say. Too groggy to figure out to whom the voice belonged, she pulled the down pillow over her head. Unfortunately it didn't keep out the voices.

"I don't know what to do. She's been this way for a week now," she heard her father say.

"Let me talk to her. You can't let her wallow away in there—it's not healthy."

"I didn't think that this break up would...would..." Was he actually shocked at the aftermath of the forced separation? What did he expect? This wasn't something that could be fixed with ice cream or putting a Band-Aid on it. She internally cursed his naivety.

"Edward, you obviously have never been broken up with before. Girls deal with things differently. Let me go in there and see what I can do," the soprano-like voice sang.

"All right. I have to go up to the clinic today for visitation...I hope that Nessie will want to come soon. Her mother, um..." His voice trailed off.

Nessie strained to hear what her father was saying. Her mother what? Why would her mother even care about her?

"...misses her." Her father's words surprised her, but they weren't enough to get her out of bed.

If her mother had been around, this heartache wouldn't be happening right now.

"You go. I'll take care of her. Jasper will be back soon. He's making sure the Audi will be properly cared for while we are here."

The voices stopped and the door creaked open. Nessie braced herself for her Aunt Alice. She hoped it would be the sympathetic Alice and not the high-strung one.

The curtains opened, and they allowed too much light in the room. As long as it was dark, she never became fully cognizant. Nessie moaned at the burning her eyes felt resulting from the brightness. She felt a shift in the bed, and became aware of her tiny aunt sitting next to her. She felt a cool hand on her forehead, and it began running back and forth through her hair. Nessie thought it felt good.

"Hey, sweetie," Aunt Alice spoke in her motherly tone. Sympathetic Alice, Nessie thought, and she felt an odd relief seep through her body.

Nessie didn't reply, but she did open her eyes.

"Have you eaten anything lately?" Alice asked.

Nessie shook her head no.

"Okay. May I order you something?" She paused and waited for another nod from Nessie. "How does soup sound?"

Nessie remained quiet. She hadn't eaten much this past week because she didn't quite feel like it. Her insides churned and putting anything like food in such a volatile environment would not be good.

"I'm just asking for a few sips, please. I'm not ordering a hamburger and fries. You just need to eat something. God knows your father has no clue how do handle these things. Empathy is not his strong suit."

Alice took the hotel phone and pushed a few buttons. She ordered room service for her niece and went back to stroking her hair. Nessie couldn't remember the last time anyone other than Jacob treated her this way. She treasured Jacob's touches so much because for a long time, no one in her own family showed their love with simple touches, that is except for Jasper. No hugs, no holding hands, nothing. Once Nessie grew up, hugging became uncomfortable for most of them. At least Alice was trying now.

"Have you bathed lately?" Alice asked. Nessie was too embarrassed to say no, but she knew her keenly, observant aunt would notice the oily hair. She was sure she smelled, too. There had been no bath since the last one Jacob had given her. Nessie shivered as she felt the covers being taken off of her. A gentle tug on her hand told her to begin moving.

"Sit up, please." Nessie did just so. The feeling of being taken care of was nice. "I am so glad I don't have to date anymore. I never understood boys. They love you one minute and are done with you the next. That Jacob made a huge mistake, I'll tell you that much," Alice rambled while brushing Nessie's hair out of her eyes.

Nessie's heart rate increased when she heard his name, and her eyes looked at her aunt's, confused.

"What did you say?" Nessie asked in a raspy voice. Not talking for a few days had made it weak.

"Oh, that boy will be sorry he broke up with you, that's all. You are a catch, and any boy would be happy to have you." Nessie realized her father must be telling the family that Jacob broke up with her. What a way for him to save face, she thought.

"Raise your arms," Aunt Alice requested. Nessie did just that. She felt Jacob's shirt being lifted off her body. "Now, let's go." Before Alice could take his shirt away, Nessie snatched it from her aunt's hands.

"No one touches this shirt, Alice...Please." She threw in the 'please' to hopefully let her aunt know she didn't mean to be so rude. Jacob's shirt was off limits. She folded it neatly, placing it in one of the dresser drawers in the room. She then finished undressing, reaching her hand out to Alice.

Alice gently led Nessie to the bathroom, ignoring the shirt incident. The shower was turned on and Nessie watched as the steam billowed in the elegant bathroom. The lodge in Squaw Valley was the best of the best. Her father spared no expense. They were in the beautiful land of Lake Tahoe where skiing and gambling were king. Too bad she felt like doing nothing else but sleeping.

Alice stared at her niece for a while, looking a little irritated.

"You're supposed to get in now. You desperately need a shower, sweetie." She crossed her arms. "Please. It'll get your dad off my back if you do. I told him I would take care of you."

"Okay," Nessie responded. She paused long enough for Alice to give her some privacy. She stared at the water, allowing her hand to rest under the spray. The thing she was scared to do the most was here. Showering would somehow wash him away. She knew she wasn't rationale and probably a little crazy, but she didn't care.

Alice was being sweet to her. It astonished Nessie with how much she needed her aunt. Showering would help both of them: Nessie would get clean and Alice would stay out of trouble with her father.

First her trembling foot found its way in the shower. Next came her other one. She ignored the nausea that crept in that seemed to warn her not to do it. Inch by inch she moved her body into the water. Soon she felt the deluge all around her, washing away his touch. She knew the shower was necessary, but it didn't make it hurt any less.

She let the sound of the shower muffle her cries to Alice in the other room.

~break~

Jacob woke up again from having dreams about her. Every night he had to endure the images of her haunting him, making his pain worse. The tightness in his chest would bind so tightly that he would reach a point where he thought he wouldn't be able to breathe. Somehow, miraculously, the tension snapped and air came in and out again. Every morning he would wake up and be reminded that she no longer graced his life. She had left and did so in such a way that he didn't know if he would ever get over it.

The ache for her was unbearable. His morning showers were not only his way to wake up but his way to relieve that yearning privately. Usually he made love to her in those dreams. The frustration came when she vanished before they finished, leaving him unsatisfied. Waking up every morning to that feeling was taking a toll on him.

He grew angry as he leaned against the shower with one hand and pumping furiously with the other. He didn't want this to be his life. Missing her, hating her, loving her. He needed her for more than just the sex. There was a connection they had to one another that he never could explain. When they were together, it was as if the Gods had made it so. Once he had shared that physical part with her, he had opened a part of himself that would always need more.

Now that she was no longer around, he still wanted her, and he hated himself for feeling that way. Getting himself off was the only way he could relieve any sort of tension he felt. Each release was never enough, and his climax always left him unfulfilled. He only wished she were here and not somewhere else without him.

Jacob screamed out loud as he finally came, and he braced himself on the wall in front of him, allowing the hot water to roll down his back. His chest heaved up and down, trying to catch up with his breathing. The overall pain was gone, but the dull ache never went away.

His sexual frustration in no way touched the emotional agony he felt after being cut off from her. He couldn't reach her by phone and had no clue where she she had gone. He recalled the deflated feeling he had as he stood at her gate, gripping the iron bars with his fists and shaking it violently. He had just gotten out of jail, which added to his anger. The Cullens had changed the code, too, and he couldn't even get to her house to knock on the door. Jacob just wanted to find someone who hopefully knew how to get to her, and instead, he was blocked completely from her.

Charlie stood calmly behind him, watching him go crazy.

After a while, when Jacob had no energy left, he felt Charlie's hand on is shoulder.

"Let's go, Jake. Did you expect anything different?" Charlie asked as Jacob slowly turned around to face the old man.

"Honestly, I don't know what I expected, Chief. I guess I always knew there was some chance she and I wouldn't work out, but I didn't think it would end...like this."

"Look, Jake. You aren't dealing with just my granddaughter here. You're dealing with a man who gets what he wants on demand and throws a tantrum when he doesn't. You know Nessie isn't to blame here. She's just obeying the tyrant who runs her and her mother's lives. Believe me, I know what you're feeling right now. I've suddenly been left alone, too." Charlie was, in fact, the only person right now who could remotely relate to him. He, too, had been left behind.

"Why didn't she talk to me? How could she think that this would be the solution to anything her father said? I know she didn't want this, but it pisses me off that she didn't come to me," Jacob confessed.

"Have you even got a clue as to what he threatened her with? Did she say anything in the letter?" Charlie asked, opening the door of his truck. The two men slid in at the same time.

"No. I don't know." Jacob ran his fingers through his hair in frustration and then pounded his fist on the dashboard of the truck, leaving a small intention behind. Charlie looked at the dent and back up to Jacob.

"Sorry, Chief. You know I can fix that," Jacob said.

"Don't worry about it, kid. You should see the hole I put in the kitchen wall about sixteen years ago."

Jacob smirked, remembering the drive home. Having Charlie there turned out to be better than drowning his sorrows in a bottle of whiskey. Jacob had no way to repay the man who held him together that day. Charlie was always his quiet self and only spoke when necessary. When he did talk, Jacob listened. It seemed like forever ago when this whole mess began.

Jacob walked to his room as he dried himself off and eyed the clothes his sister had laid out for him. Rachel had bought him a nice shirt and a pair of slacks with a belt. They argued about the belt because he refused to wear it. He should have known better than to argue with Rachel—she always won. He knew he would have to wear it or else. He eyed the pair of black dress shoes she insisted on getting, as well. He hated getting dressed up, but today it was required.

He stepped into his boxers and grabbed the ironed pants to put them on. He couldn't believe that he had been arrested just a week ago. Luckily the arrest had been swept under the rug, and no trace of it would ever be found. Charlie made sure of it. From this point forward, Jacob didn't need any trouble of any kind. He didn't need to blow the second most important thing in his life—the scholarship.

Today was a big day. He was signing his letter of intent in front of his friends, family, teammates, and the media. He finished buttoning up his shirt and tucked it into his pants. The damn belt was buckled and the constricting dress shoes were put on. The sport coat would be taken with him and worn later. He ran a comb through his hair and called it good enough.

He looked on his bed and saw the second-hand laptop he bought a few days ago. He no longer had access to Sam's computer, so he figured he'd need one for school anyway. He opened it up and checked his email.

No new ones, and nothing from Nessie

He clicked on the compose button and wrote a short note, like he had done everyday since she left.

Heading to the school to sign my papers. Wish you were here. I miss you.

J

Jacob knew of no other way to contact her. Her phone had been disconnected, so at least her emails weren't bouncing back to him. He never left long notes, just enough to allow himself believe that he was talking to her in some way. He thought that maybe she would see them and find the courage to respond.

"Jake, are you ready to go?" Billy called out from the kitchen.

"Yeah, I guess so," Jacob answered. Today, a turning point in his life was happening, and the most important person in the world to him couldn't be here. Nessie was somewhere far away and out of his reach.

~break~

After the shower, Alice stayed quietly in the room, making sure Nessie had someone close, just in case she needed anything. She asked her niece if she wanted to talk about it, but Nessie didn't want to. She didn't know if she ever would. They each went about their business without a lot of talking, and the peaceful company comforted Nessie. Having someone with her raised her spirits enough to make her function. Alice sat typing away on her laptop and made a few phone calls while she kept making Nessie take more bites of food. The noise of the TV made background noise in the room, but neither one watched. Nessie didn't remember the last time Alice had been this relaxed.

It was nice to finally see this side of her aunt. It seemed that watching her niece experience a breakdown had made Alice unwind a bit and not be so demanding. Not once did she mention the sorority or school. Her silence probably came from the fact that Nessie made it into Alice's precious organization. With her dream accomplished, Alice could loosen up.

Alice hummed an opera tune that Nessie could not place, but it reminded her of being a small child. Her aunt had always enjoyed the fine arts and took Nessie to as many musicals, ballets, and operas as she could.

"Let's go down to the lobby to sit and sip tea. I feel a little cooped up in here, and I am sure you have to be going stir crazy being here all week. It will do you some good, too, sweetie...What do you say?" Alice asked batting her eyelashes. Alice was used to being on the go. Being an in-demand interior designer kept her hopping all over the Pacific Northwest for work. Staying in one place was not her cup of tea. "We could people watch. We have always enjoyed doing that together."

As much as Nessie wanted to leave and get out into the general population, she just couldn't.

"Maybe tomorrow."

Alice didn't push the matter and went to close her laptop.

"Okay then. We'll try tomorrow," she said softly, taking off her reading glasses and placing them on the top of her head.

"Can I check my email, Alice?" Nessie asked. Maybe a little contact with the outside world would help get her mind off things. She would have to face the mountains of school work she had missed sooner or later, as well. Getting lost in her assignments would be another welcomed distraction.

She logged in and strummed her fingers on the desk, waiting for her messages to load. Alice took out a nail file and kept humming.

Her eyes scanned the names of those who had sent her mail. Had it only been a week since she left Forks? She knew she would have some explaining to do with some of her friends, especially Claire. And, of course, a few emails from her friend waited for her in her in-box.

Nessie smiled just a little when she saw the subject lines from Claire. Lines like WTF?You have some explaining to do and Bitch, you need to answer your phone! She missed Claire terribly and wanted to call her, but how would she explain to her brutally honest friend what had transpired? Her first thought was to run to Claire, knowing she would be able to help. Her second thought was shame. She felt too much guilt to let Claire know what really had happened. She knew her friend would tell her that she was stupid for leaving Jacob, and Nessie knew it would be the truth.

Her last thought was to keep the truth a secret. Claire couldn't know the real reason behind the break up. Claire was too close to Quil, and he was best friends with Jacob. Jacob could never know.

Then, her eyes widened, after clicking on one of Claire's emails. She had included some photos from the fish fry, and out popped the one of her looking at Jacob. Her finger found itself touching his face on the screen. She studied the way she looked at him adoringly, remembering feeling so different and alive after her night with him. She closed the message quickly, not being able to take the deluge of memories those pictures brought.

She scanned the in-box one last time and about seven emails with his name popped up in between the school messages and random spam, surprising her. She glanced over at Alice, making sure she couldn't see how her body starting shaking involuntarily. First the picture and now emails from him. Fate was playing a cruel joke on her tonight.

His subject lines were different from Claire's. They portrayed no humor, only the one thing he needed her to remember; every subject line said ditto. Her eyes closed shut holding back the tears. Their first time making love together came rushing back to her, and the goofy way he said ditto instead of I love you rang through her ears. She hesitated to open the messages but knew she would regret it if she didn't.

She opened his emails one right after the other, with each one sounding more desperate than the last, breaking her even more. They were all short and to the point, just like Jacob. He was a man of action instead of words.

I can't reach you and need to talk to you. Please.

We can figure this thing out, baby. Just talk to me. Call me. I am going crazy here.

I dreamt about you again last night. You are too much apart of me to do this. God, baby, I miss you.

Dammit, Ness! I am dying here!

I actually ate a full meal today. Can't lose any more weight. It would be bad for the team. Where are you?

My dad had to drag my ass out of bed today. He woke me in the middle of a dream with you in it. I almost hit him. What are you doing to me?

Heading to the school to sign my papers. Wish you were here. I miss you.

Oh, God! she thought. He was signing his letter today. How could she have forgotten? She imagined being at his side when he did. She remembered how he had wanted her there, too. Her chest caved in and the room suddenly got warm; it felt like the air had been sucked out of the place.

"Nessie, are you okay?" Alice asked with a stern look of concern.

"Um, sort of. I, um, think." Nessie wiped her eyes and inhaled and exhaled a few times. She had had enough of this place. She needed to go somewhere to forget him. "I'd like to get out of the room for a while. Tea sounds nice. I suddenly need fresh air." Nessie grasped her shirt and pushed her hand to her breasts. She could have sworn there was a hole there.

"Really? Okay, sweetie. Let me run to my room and grab an outfit I brought for you. Don't change your mind while I am gone." The door shut behind Alice in a flash and Nessie was alone.

She closed her email and couldn't think or get her bearings. Knowing Jacob was beginning his new life today bothered her. She knew that he was moving on to bigger and better things without her, and it hurt.

She scanned the beautiful living room of the suite. It had panoramic views of the snow-covered landscape. The tones of brown in the suite reflected the natural light the windows allowed in. The room faced north, and their balcony overlooked the ice skating rink that rested next to the huge Christmas tree. It wasn't quite Thanksgiving yet, and Christmas was everywhere here. She refused to look at the people skating because she didn't need to see happiness. She needed to somehow make his memory go away or at least push it to the back of her mind.

The shaking didn't stop like she hoped, and she wondered when Alice would be back. Leaving this room had quickly become a priority.

The thought of him was overpowering, and her fight to keep his memory suppressed was waning with every second that passed. Without realizing it, she somehow found herself in front of the small, stainless-steel refrigerator in the kitchenette.

She fell to her knees and slowly opened the door. Her finger ran across the pretty labels of the miniature bottles of wine it held. She saw the beer Jacob drank and even the fancier ones she remembered from parties growing up. Her mother had been destroyed by this stuff. They were here in Tahoe because of this stuff. So why in heaven's name did it call out and beckon her? Why would she even want to try it when she knew how succumbing to its power would end.

But the pain surged again and the need to stop the throbbing became strong. She knew the alcohol could dull that pain, for a little while at least. What would it hurt? she thought to herself.

Her hand snapped away from the bottles when she heard the door open. Alice was back. She quickly shut the door of the fridge but not before she took out a bottle of water. Luckily Alice had entered, stopping her from doing something she would regret.

"It's just a sweater and jeans, but you will wear it well. I brought heels for you, too." Alice beamed getting to dress Nessie for the first time in a long time.

"Aunt Alice, heels? Really? I can just wear my flats, okay."

Alice's face turned serious, and Nessie took a step back from the couch, a little scared of what would come out of her aunt's mouth.

"I know you are wallowing in depression right now, but you owe me after that pledging fiasco. I won't hang anything else over your head, if you do as I ask. It will shut me up, and you know that's hard to do. Just ask your uncle."

"I hate you," Nessie said almost sarcastically.

"I love you, too," Alice said blowing a kiss back.

After some primping time, both girls headed out the door.

"Where do the two of you think you're going?" a voice with a light southern drawl said from behind them in the hallway.

Alice stopped and turned around towards the blonde-haired man whose voice they heard.

"You are more than welcome to come along, darling," Alice cooed to him, kissing him on the cheek and backing away to let him get to his niece.

"Only if this little lady will let me," he said, taking Nessie into his arms. He felt warm and good. The calming effect he had on her was immediate.

"Uncle Jasper, you are always welcome." And the three of them walked to the elevator.

~o~O~o~

Jacob sat in the small press room at the football stadium where he once had mowed the grass and helped mark the field for the games. He would no longer be the invisible person; he would soon be center stage. Even though a part of him was missing from this moment, another part of him thrived on the new part of his life beginning. He sat in his chair, holding a fancy pen while his father beamed from ear to ear right next to him. He stared into the crowd not believing they were all here for him. Watching him sign his name on a piece of paper couldn't be that big of a deal.

"All right, Black. It's time we get this show on the road," Coach Rasmussen exclaimed. The ecstatic coach soon welcomed everyone to the packed room and started the festivities. The light from the cameras flashed as he signed his name to the contracts in front of him, letting the world know where he now would go to school. He thought of his mom at that moment and how she must be smiling down on him. Making her proud had always been a priority for him. Then, his happiness broke for a minute realizing that the person who made this possible was missing.

He shook his head and carried on, trying not to let her absence ruin this moment.

Jacob smiled as his new head coach handed him a ball cap with the University of Forks logo on it, and applause erupted when Jacob put it on. He instinctively bent the brim of the hat, like most guys do when they get a new one to break in. Coach Rasmussen shook Jacob's hand vigorously and couldn't look happier. Jacob scanned the crowed and saw a few of his future teammates at the back of the room clapping for him. He spotted Emmett who brought his fingers up to his mouth and let out a loud whistle. Only one of the players refused to acknowledge the new team member.

Tyler Crowley leaned against the wall with his arms folded across his broad chest. He looked as if he were shooting daggers from his eyes in Jacob's direction. Jacob bowed up just looking at the jerk, but was taken aback by the small smirk Tyler gave as if the ass knew something Jacob didn't. He realized right then that Tyler and he would never get along. The two of them were going to fight tooth and nail to lead this team as its quarterback. Only one of them could be the alpha.

Jacob retreated to the locker room after the pomp and circumstance had ended. He needed a moment to clear his head and take in everything that had happened today. He stood in front of someone's locker whose name he didn't recognize and couldn't believe that he would have one of these for his very own. He had dreamed of playing college ball, and it finally had become a reality. The practice helmets set on the top of the shelves adorned with the UF that Jacob had seen all his life. He began to reach up to touch one of the face masks, just to see if he were dreaming.

"I don't think Tim would appreciate you touching his things, Black," a familiar voice called out from behind him.

"Just looking, Crowley. No harm done," Jacob explained. He stared at Tyler, hoping he could leave without wanting to bash his head against the brick wall.

"Edward found out, didn't he?" Tyler said too happily for Jacob's liking.

"Found out what?" Jacob knew exactly what Tyler meant. He tried to act like he couldn't care less about it. He knew Tyler would bring up Nessie to gain some sort of upper hand in this grudge match, but Jacob wouldn't let it get to him.

"I notice your snotty little girlfriend is missing from your big day. Her daddy must have found out. At least that is what is floating around the gossip mill these days."

"I didn't realize your people cared to talk about people like me. I thought it was beneath them."

"Well, sure it is. But when the Cullens go on an unexpected vacation, it makes one wonder what was really behind the sudden departure. I couldn't think of anything else other than you and how Edward didn't approve. But that's just my guess."

Tyler had no idea that the real reason behind the trip was for Bella to go to rehab. Jacob would really love to mouth off and say that Edward finding out about Nessie and him had nothing to do with her leaving. It wouldn't be entirely true, but Tyler didn't need to know all the details. It was her drunkard of a mother who caused it. Jacob would love to watch Tyler's reaction to the news, but soon realized that his nemesis would have even more ammunition against Nessie and her family. Bella's problem didn't need to be discussed in the snobby circles more than it already was.

"Look. I don't want to talk to you about this. You don't deserve any explanation to anything." Jacob tried to leave, but Tyler stepped in his way.

"So I guess this means she's available now," Tyler sneered.

"Don't you even fucking think about it," Jacob threatened, holding his face a few inches from Tyler's. He didn't even deserve to say her name much less try to date her again. The thought of Tyler pursuing her bothered him way too much.

Tyler made no attempt to move out of Jacob's way.

"Get the hell out of my face, Crowley, before I break yours," Jacob threatened.

"You wouldn't dare. You still haven't earned your spot on the team yet. You've forgotten that I run this team, and what I say usually goes around here. I'd like to see the reaction you get if you did break my face," Tyler said smugly. Jacob tried to keep from laughing, but it was hard. For someone who thought he knew it all, Tyler was so dense.

"You may run the show now, but I do know one thing, Crowley."

"What's that?" Tyler asked.

"I don't do second-string." Jacob then pushed Tyler out of his way with his shoulder and tried to keep himself together. If Tyler thought Jacob was here to be on the bench behind him, he had another thing coming.

Jacob couldn't wait for the battle to begin.

~break~

Nessie sat at the small grouping of leather chairs positioned by the beautiful stone fireplace. The warmth of the tea felt good. It seemed to make the gap in her chest not feel so large. She enjoyed the playful banter between Jasper and Alice, and she liked to watch them give those knowing glances to one another. Nessie could just feel the love they shared from just observing them.

"Jasper, honey, would you mind getting me another tea? I'm in need of a refill," Alice purred.

"Sure thing." He paused and looked at Nessie. "How 'bout you, String Bean? You need anything?" he asked lifting the corner of his mouth to a smile.

"Nothing at all," Nessie said, faking a smile. What I need, none of you can give me.

Jasper walked away, and Nessie took another careful sip of the hot beverage. Her thoughts were caught up in the fire that felt like home to her. The fire reminded her of Jacob in so many ways—his reservation, his people, his warmth, him. She reluctantly came out of her trance and looked up when she heard someone say her name. At least the distraction pulled her from her thoughts of Jacob for a minute or two.

"Nessie Cullen? What in the world are you doing here?" Nessie watched as a tall, dark-headed girl walked quickly to her.

"Angela? Um, hi," Nessie said back to the friend who seemed genuinely happy to see her.

"I haven't seen you since high school! What are you doing here? I can't believe it's really you," Angela said and embraced Nessie too tightly.

I really can't do this right now, Nessie thought to herself. Of course, she liked her friend and was happy to see her, but tonight just didn't seem like the right time to reunite with old friends. She really liked Angela back in high school. Being the one girl that wanted to actually make something of herself, Nessie was always drawn to Angela's zest for life and unpretentious manner. She never broadcasted that she came from the second-richest family in Forks. The two of them seemed to understand one another when all the other high school girls were enigmas.

"Yeah, it's me. It's so good to see you..." Nessie needed to get back to her chair and stare at the fire. She needed to zone out and listen to life happening around her while remembering the life she had not so long ago.

"Oh, my God! You have to come out with us tonight, so we can catch up. Ben is here, too. Remember him? He came with us on our family trip. We would love to have you join us." She couldn't believe that those two were still together; they had dated since Angela was a sophomores in high school. Ben was two years older, so Angela dating a senior became a huge deal amongst her friends.

"I really don't-" Nessie began her refusal but stopped when she heard Angela interrupt.

"You can't say no. I haven't seen you in forever. What are the chances that we would run into each other here?" Angela asked a little too enthusiastically. "Please come!" she begged some more.

"I think you should go, Nessie," she heard Alice say as she walked over and joined them. "You need to get out and have some fun."

"Hi, Mrs. Whitlock," Angela said to Alice. "You look fabulous as always."

"Why thank you, Angela. You were always my favorite of all of Nessie's friends," she joked.

Nessie didn't want to go. She took a chance on being here in the lobby tonight with all these people. None of them were supposed to recognize her, much less talk to her. What would she talk about? Her great depression? Her manipulative father? Jacob? She had no clue how she would even begin to explain why she looked and acted so screwed up. Last time Angela saw her, she was the salutatorian who dated the star of the local college's football team. Life was good for her...then. Well, it wasn't anymore.

She listened to the banter between Alice and Angela and soon realized that going back up to her room wouldn't be an option.

"What do you say, Nessie? We won't stay out too late, okay?" Angela asked one last time.

Nessie nodded her head signifying that she would come along, which made Angela hug her again. Soon Ben joined the two ladies, and they headed out to the black car waiting to take them wherever their hearts desired.

They entered the bar together and Nessie immediately felt out of place. She was uncomfortable not knowing anyone and felt like everyone was staring at the red-headed, broken-hearted freak. Her insecurities had heightened since her break up. Jacob no longer was there to make her feel worthy. She thought that anyone who looked at her only did so because she seemed strange, not because she was a beautiful girl they needed to get a better look at.

Ben had been the perfect gentleman, and he made sure he found the two ladies a nice set of seats at the bar. He chose to stand between them, in order to talk, but Nessie realized she must not be that great of company. She hadn't talked much since they had gotten into the car, and contented herself in just listening to Ben and Angela's conversation.

Angela gave her boyfriend some sort of knowing glance that only he could decipher.

"Oh, right," he said to Angela. "I don't mean to be rude, but what would you ladies like to drink tonight?" Ben asked, being the one old enough to order the drinks. Money and beauty would keep Angela and Nessie from having to show any IDs tonight.

"You know what I want, Benji." Nessie smiled at the nickname Angela had called him since high school. Nostalgia was a good thing at times. It also was a bad thing. Seeing the two of them together reminded her of what she used to have. The immense hurt that never went away came back in full force, and her hands ran through her hair, trying to hide her shaking.

"Nessie? Are you there? Are you okay?" Angela asked, concerned.

"Yeah, um, I'm fine. I'll just have..." She could order a soda and be done with it, but that would in no way ease her pain right now. She needed something stronger, more substantial. "...I'll just have what you're having."

"Two rum and Cokes and a Heineken, please," Ben said, raising his arm and credit card to the bartender.

Within seconds there was a drink in front of her that reeked of a smell she had hated all her life. A green beer bottle and a glass clinked against hers.

"To old friends," Angela toasted.

"To old friends," Ben repeated.

Nessie grinned at the two of them and watched as they sipped their drinks. She took one last glance at her glass and made her decision.

The rum felt good burning down her throat.