Chapter 26 - Even Heroes Break Sometimes
Eternity Embraced

Rated M for Non-Explicit Mature Content

Eternity Embraced, the sequel to A Glimpse of Eternity and Eternity's Struggle, follows the tumultuous relationship of Commander Kiara Shepard and Kaidan Alenko as they wage war against the Reapers that have invaded the galaxy.

Disclaimer: I own only the parts of the individual personality of Commander Kiara Shepard I have developed inspired by the Commander Shepard in the gameplay. I do not own, nor hold any rights, to any of the characters, dialogue, storylines or any part in or of the "Mass Effect" game series. I want to thank Drew Karpyshyn and his staff of amazing writers, animators and voice actors. These are for fan enjoyment only and no money had been made on these stories.

Shepard wanted to be angry at the Han'Garrel but she couldn't be. He had launched a full scale attack on the dreadnought while they'd still been on board. Luckily, they had managed to escape unharmed and the dreadnought had been destroyed. She understood his reasoning. The mission parameters had changed and an opportunity had presented itself. She didn't know if she would have made the same decision, but she understood his motivations behind him making them.

She was also too tired to argue over something that was in the past. She had enough of the past haunting her all over again, she didn't have the energy to push the matter over the assault further. They were alive and they had escaped.

As she left the war room after her debrief with the Legion and the quarians, she found Kaidan leaning against the glass wall of the conference area. She knew the look on his face. She could see the worry and upset etched deeply into its lines. She let out a sigh and gestured her head for him to follow her as they passed through the security checkpoint and headed for the elevators. She knew he was going to want to talk to her about what happened on the dreadnought but that was going to be a private discussion, if she even could find a way to talk about it.

"You have messages on your private terminal, Commander," Specialist Traynor informed her. Shepard gave a wave of acknowledgement to it then boarded the lift.

Soon after they entered the elevator, it reopened to her cabin doors as she stepped out and punched in the code to unlock her quarters. Kaidan followed behind and the doors slid shut behind him did he finally speak, "What the hell happened, Shepard? And don't tell me nothing happened, because it did." He tried to measure his worry but all it did was make the words come out in frustration.

Shepard kicked off her boots and padded over to where the bottle of whiskey and two glasses were stashed. She poured the amber liquid into the glasses then turned around and offered one to Kaidan. He accepted it but he didn't take a drink as he watched her, waiting for her answer.

Shepard raised the glass and downed the liquid she'd poured into it before refilling it. Once it was filled, she walked over to the fish tank and watched as her pets danced in the water. She didn't speak as she tried to find the words to describe what she was still trying to figure out. Her memories flashed back to the Normandy and the feeling of floating adrift she had felt. She closed her eyes, trying to bar out the sound of hissing that filled her head one more, and the dread she felt wash over her of knowing she was going to die. It was like the memory was trying to drag her back under, trick her into thinking she was back in the moment.

Kaidan stepped up to her and touched her shoulder gently. At the sudden touch, she gasped and jerked away from him, fear flashing in her eyes. The sight floored him. He'd never seen her like this before. The fear dissipated as tears began to well. It tore at his heart, another sight he'd never seen before.

She looked away, closing her eyes as she tried to get control over her emotions, but they were threatening to eat her alive. In her mind raged a war between reality and what her memories wanted her to think was reality. It was confusing and terrifying. Her hand holding the glass of whiskey trembled as she tried to hide her tears from Kaidan. What the hell was happening to her? Even after Akuze it had been nothing like this.

Kaidan took her glass from her hand and set both his and hers on the table before returning to her. He said nothing as he turned her to face him and wrapped his arms around her. She tried to pull away but he just drew her in close and held her tight against until he felt her shoulders drop in resignation. Only then did she give into the hug as she buried her face against his chest, her arms folded between them as if she was trying to curl into a small ball. It took him a moment to notice her shoulders shaking when she began to cry.

Whatever had been holding them at bay, Shepard lost all control of them the minute she felt Kaidan's arms wrap around her. He was her haven, her sanctuary. His arms gave her strength and protected her and it wasn't until she felt him that she realized how raw and vulnerable she felt; how much she needed his protection. Everything was on the surface and she was opened wide, the pages of her book bared for anyone to see.

But it wasn't just anyone who was looking. It was Kaidan and he held her as if he would never let her go. As if he would battle whatever demons she faced at her side without faltering. It was that strength, that feeling that he would protect her, that unleashed the floodgates as the tears came. How could he battle these demons with her though, when they existed solely in her head? Everything since Saren came crashing down around her, threatening to pull her under. It was only Kaidan and his steadiness that kept her from completely drowning.

Kaidan just held her and let her cry. He was worried about her but something told him she needed this. She was the strongest person he knew and he'd always marveled at how she'd been able to hold it together. The fact she let down her walls and didn't try to hold it all together this time only made her seem stronger in his opinion. No one was perfect and no one was completely impervious to the world around them.

Kiara had been through more than most and still she was standing, taking everything the Reapers threw at the galaxy head on. She was fearless and unstoppable. It only made sense that sometimes the weight of it all would become too much.

He just held her in silence as she cried and slowly the sobs began to lighten. He made no move to speak or the change anything as he kept his arms securely around her, his hand the only thing moving as it stroked her back while his lips pressed to the top of her head. Long after the tears had stopped, she remained there and he had no intention of disturbing her.

"I remembered…" Shepard said softly, her voice muffled against his chest. His t-shirt was drenched in her tears but he didn't care. He only cared about her and making sure she was alright. "I thought I had gotten over what had happened, what it felt like when the Normandy was destroyed…"

His words stilled his hand that stroked her back as he remembered that day, Joker screaming her name an echo in his memory he'd never been able to shake. Kaidan remained silent though and just let her speak. What had happened to bring it up?

"It was so silent, all around me. Even the explosion that threw me from the ship were muted. I remember feeling the heat of the fire and the impact of debris knocking against me…then…there was nothing. No heat. No debris. Just the emptiness of space…"

Her words hit him as he closed his eyes. He didn't want to hear it but he forced himself to remain for her. His mind had conjured enough images about what he had thought had happened to her. For nearly two years he had thought of everything she could have gone through when she died, even prayed once or twice she had been killed immediately by the blast, rather than accept she had drifted in space. Hearing his worst nightmares had happened was almost too much for him to bear.

Yet he knew she needed this. She need to speak about it and he would let her. She swallowed hard as she continued, unmoving from where she clung to him with her face against his chest. He opened his eyes and glanced down briefly and saw her eyes open but they held a distant look, as if the memories were replaying in her mind. "I could hear my breathing, heavy in my helmet as my heart thundered in my ears. Even then, I fought to find something, anything, to grab on to. To cling to…but there was nothing. Then I heard the hissing…"

Kaidan clenched eyes tight as he tried to steel himself against the pain of that revelation. He knew the next words before they came out of her mouth, "My oxygen line had ruptured. I fought to find the hole, to plug it somehow but it wasn't just one. It was many. So…so many. Yet I kept fighting, I couldn't stop fighting…" The tears resumed as he felt her pull back slightly as she looked up into his eyes.

"All I could think about was that I had to fight…to get back to you. I remember my lungs b….burning in my chest," she closed her eyes, bringing a hand to rest over her heart as pain etched into her face. The tears continued to roll down her cheeks, "then the darkness came and it just…washed over me. There was no more pain. No burning, no…no fear. Just silence…" she opened her eyes and pulled them back up to his, "…and your face in my mind...then…nothing."

She drew in a ragged breath as she looked down to his chest, bringing both her hands to rest against the solid wall of muscle beneath them. She took strength from him and his embrace, even as the memory tormented her. Yet even as she pushed at the memories, their fight was less. It was as if somehow putting it to words and saying it allowed had lessened the ache of it. She sniffled as she let out a breath and looked up into his eyes once more.

"When I was in that docking tube, I don't why but everything seemed like it was closing around me. I felt like I couldn't breath and my lungs burned. I could hear my breath, rasping in my ears again as it fought against the beating of my heart. I fought to bring it under control but it was like that day was trying to drag me under. And…" she took a breath, her body shaking slightly.

"And…when the tube broke off, for a moment I was free floating again and it all hit. Every aspect of that moment before I died assaulted me and pulled me in. Every emotion, every sensation, every thought. It was like I was back there, dying all over again," she closed her eyes tight as she tried to banish the images that resurfaced.

Kaidan's hand rubbed against her back soothingly, giving her an anchor to cling to. After a few minutes, she slowly opened her eyes and looked back to him. There was only a steady understanding beneath a wash of pain he fought not to show her. In that moment, she realized the impact on him of what she had shared.

Her heart broke as she recognized the pain she'd caused him by sharing. She hadn't intended to reopen those wounds. It was a sensitive subject for them both but before she realized it, everything had come tumbling out into the haven his arms had given her. She had experienced dying but then there had been only silence and nothingness afterwards until she woke up in the Cerberus lab. He had to live through the aftermath of her death for two years.

Shepard brought her hand up to cup his cheek, "Kaidan, I'm sorry. I didn't…" she let out a breath, not knowing what to say. She hadn't wanted to cause him pain.

He brought a hand to cover hers on his cheek as he gave a soft smile, "Its okay. I…I'm the one who is sorry. I tried to imagine what you went through but I never…I couldn't…we never found…" he struggled to find the words as he let out a breath. Releasing her hand, he reached over and stroked her cheek tenderly with his thumb before dropping it and sliding his arm around her again to pull her closer. The guilt that he hadn't fought to stay at her side resurfacing once more, "I am sorry you had to go through that."

Kiara could see the agony in his eyes and she shook her head, "Don't do that, Kaidan. Don't blame yourself. There was nothing you could have done. Had you stayed, there's no guarantee anything would have ended up differently. You could have died too. You did the right thing, Kaidan…"

Letting out a sigh, Kaidan closed his eyes. He remembered that day all too well. Being with her again, having her in his arms had faded the bulk of the pain from it, but the memories had been his constant companion for over two years. They would never go away completely. The pain of losing her had been unbearable. Slowly he opened his eyes and searched out hers, "I did die, though. The moment I lost you, the moment I heard Jeff screaming your name, I died." His arms tightening around her more as if he fought to cling to her, as if releasing her, he would loose her forever.

Kiara swallowed the lump that had suddenly risen in her throat as she slipped her arms to wrap around the back of his neck. They were already so close but she tugged him against her, not wanting a single breath of space between them. She wanted him to feel that she was there and that she wasn't going anywhere. Her heart ached for the pain she saw in his gaze. "I'm here now, Kaidan. You're here now. We're both very much alive and we have each other again," she said, leaning her head forward as she rested her forehead against his. "Lets bury the memory, shove it in the past where it belongs. I don't want it anymore and I don't want you to have it either."

He drew away from her, the pain changing to anger as he looked at her, "I had the chance to have you once before and what did I do? I took the one thing I had prayed to come back to me, you, and I casted you aside like you were nothing. I reject you! I pushed you away and accused you of betraying me…" He let her go as he pushed himself away from her, turning his back and walking across the room. He couldn't stop the barrage of thoughts that he didn't deserve her love or to have her by his side.

Kaidan's anger at himself for everything that had happened came boiling to the surface. He leaned down on the table near her bed as he propped himself up on his arms. He'd thought he had processed through it all, had moved on, but it was clear it still ate at him.

"Kaidan…" Shepard said, her voice closer as she laid a hand on his shoulder.

"Never once had you ever given me reason to doubt you or not trust you. You were always honest and even when I disagreed with you, you let me speak my mind. You never asked for my trust but you always had it. You were always there for me and never once did you ever make me feel like I couldn't trust you with everything…" Kaidan said through gritted teeth, his hands fisting against the glass.

"Then the one time you actually asked me to trust in you…" he fought to finish the sentence, "I accused you of betraying me but I was the one who betrayed you, all because you stood with Cerberus. I couldn't see past my anger and hatred of them and I let that cloud what you were trying to tell me…" he let out a breath, his body taunt with the tension that ran through him.

Seeing him as he was and hearing his words broke Shepard's heart as she listened to him. He might have forgiven her for Horizon, he hadn't forgave himself. Sliding her hand up, she gripped the top of his shoulder and turned him around to face her as she sought out his eyes.

"Kaidan," she said tenderly, "You were there when I died and for two years you had to live with that pain and agony. Then suddenly I wasn't dead but very much alive. You said yourself seeing me standing there threw you for one hell of a loop. You had no way of truly knowing if it was me or just some…construction by Cerberus. I don't blame you, Kaidan. I never did. I was angry you didn't listen but it didn't last. I understood it. Cerberus was…is…they're evil and we both knew it. I was forced to work with them but you had a choice not to. You took that choice. If I had any other options, I would have walked away too."

Kaidan looked at her, wanting to turn away but unable to break from her gaze, "I should have at least stayed to listen. I should have fought harder…for you, for us. Instead I just walked away. What kind of person…does that to someone they love?"

"You held strong to your convictions, Kaidan. Its one of the things I love so much about you. You hold tight to your beliefs," she cupped his cheek, "You're so strong. You are the only out of us who never had to compromise their convictions or do things that make them question the choice between right or wrong," she said, passion for what she was saying nearly exploding through her words, "You're pure, and good, and the embodiment of everything right in the galaxy. Its that strength that gives me hope, that pushes me through every day knowing that you're at my side now, keeping me on the path of good when so much evil surrounds us."

Kaidan stood in awe at the woman before him. Not minutes before she had been the one falling apart and it had only seemed to make her stronger and more resilient. Now it was his turn to fall apart and as he had been there for her, she was there for him. She spoke about him being her strength but, in truth, she was his. She kept him sane and gave him hope that somehow, some way, they were going to make it through this war victorious.

Love swelled in chest at the sight of her passion and conviction and the love she showed for him. Without another thought, he pulled her hard against him as his lips descended upon hers. It was deserpate and pleading, as if through the kiss their souls were reaching out to each other to balm the aches and blast away the shadows. It was a kiss that stopped time and shattered the very foundation of their world around them. He kissed her with all the love and desire he felt for her, pouring everything that he was into her lips.

Kiara melted into the kiss as her arms wrapped around him, pulling him close as she felt his arms cling desperately to her. She had been surprised when he'd kissed her but before she knew what was happening, she was lost to the feel of him. Where there had been grief and sorrow, pain and misery, now there was only desire and passion, love and an intimacy that transcended everything else.

Hastily they began to discard their clothes, casting them off onto the floor as a raging need consumed them. Before long they found themselves on the bed, limbs tangled as their bodies surged and came together in an explosive clash of fire and desperation. There was nothing gentle or tender about the way they took each other.

It was raw and primal as they fought to drive out the memories that plagued them both. All the pain and agony, the self-loathing and guilt, was torn away and waylaid beneath the force of their joining. By the time they reached their climax, there was nothing left of the horrors that had tormented their souls for so long.

Laying on their backs with her head on his arm, they both worked to catch their breaths as the sheen of sweat that beaded across their bodies began to slowly dry. Neither said a word as they recovered from the sheer force of their orgasms that had thoroughly ravaged their bodies.

Slowly Shepard rolled over and formed her body against his side as she propped her head up on her hand and braced her elbow against the mattress. Her hair was unbound and felt wild around her shoulders, her lips swollen from being thoroughly kissed. A small red mark highlight on her shoulder where he had bit her in the heat of the moment. There was a satisfied haze that still clung to the depths of her eyes as Kaidan looked up at the vision that was the woman who had claimed him, heart and soul.

Reaching up, he lazily raked his fingers through her hair as he smiled, "The things you do to me, Kiara Shepard…"

Kiara grinned at his choice of words, remembering the first night she had said them to him all those years ago when he'd returned to the Normandy from the Citadel. "It's mutual," she replied back, sharing back the response he had given her.

Kaidan's features grew intense as he looked into her eyes, his own conveying the raw depth of his feelings for her, "You make me so happy."

She reached up and caressed his cheek, giving him a warm smile as she bent down and claimed his lips in a tender kiss. It was all the answer he needed as he felt the sentiment echoed in her touch. When she drew back, she lowered her head to his chest and closed her eyes as she settled in against him. A soft, happily contented sigh left her lips that remained curved into a smile.

Kaidan drew her close, kissing the top of her head as he relaxed back into the mattress. Before he knew it, sleep had taken Kiara and quickly began to take him as well as he fell into a deep and peaceful slumber.