A/N: I don' own any part of the Twilight universe, but you guys knew that already.

Am I somewhat forgiven? I know it was mean, but I want this to be as realistic as possible.

To everyone reading and everyone reviewing, big hugs and kisses. Your comments make all the difference.

Coming up Monday, monster chapters. Can't wait to see what you guys think. Charge the Ipods over the weekend. We'll have another "must listen to" playlist.

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there.

Chapter 26-Revelations & Porcelain Gods

BPOV

I had lay in the bed for more than an hour trying to understand what the hell had come over me. I had dreamt of him holding me the way he did when we danced. I had literally prayed for his arms to be wrapped around me again. I had fantasized about a reunion in which he proclaimed his love for me more times than I could count.

And when the scene unfolded before me, better than any dream or fantasy my mind could conjure, I had slapped him.

I wanted to blame the alcohol. But if I was honest with myself, it had nothing to do with my reaction. In that moment, I wanted him to hurt as terribly as I had. I needed him to see what I had faced when he left me in the woods five years ago.

But why? Why had I wanted and done such a terrible thing? Every time I closed my eyes, I could see the excruciating expression etched on his face. His immaculate face marred by such a terrible emotion. And I had put it there. I had only seen such pain on someone's face once, and I was the cause of it that time as well.

Charlie. The look on Edward's face was eerily similar to the look on Charlie's face after my cruel words to him the night I fled Forks for Phoenix. I had not wanted to hurt Charlie that night, simply protect him. So I had done whatever it took to make him step aside so that I could lead the tracker away from him. I had always thought myself a good person, but I had done the same thing to the two most important men in my life. I had caused that defeated broken look to mar both their faces.

The same thing.

Dear God, the same thing.

Edward had done the same thing I had done to Charlie. My cruel words to Charlie had never in any way been correlated to my love for him. They were protective measures because I loved him so much.

Edward had done the same thing. He loved me enough to protect me at all costs.

"But I'm not saying goodbye."

"Don't you see? That's what proves me right. I care the most, because if I can do it, if leaving is the right thing to do, then I'll hurt myself to keep from hurting you, to keep you safe."

The long ago conversation the day after that fateful night in Port Angeles rang through my head with shocking clarity. Even then, at the beginning of our relationship, he had been willing to sacrifice his own happiness for my safety. And when the danger he perceived had become too great, he had done just that. Sacrificed himself for me.

He should have talked to me about it. He should have let it be a decision we made together. But he had done what he did out of love for me and concern for my safety. Not cruelty or insensitivity. There was nothing blasé about his actions or his words. He had to have known as we stood in the cover of the trees that afternoon what his words would do to him. And he did it anyway.

Because he loved me.

Christ, he had all but set himself on fire to protect me from his world. How in the hell had I never seen it before? Had I really been so wrapped up in my own cage of pain that I had missed something that big?

Yeah, I had.

I had spent the last five years focusing on how he could do that to me and why I wasn't enough and why didn't he love me. But the truth was he always had. It had never been a question of him not loving me enough. Every emotion I had felt, every tear, every nightmare and every panic attack I'd had over the last five years…

Oh, fuck. Five years. Today.

Today was the five year anniversary of that hideous day.

I needed to try and talk to him, to at least get the chance to say all the things that I should have said last night. If I knew Edward, he was probably planning on leaving. If he hadn't already.

The insane phone call to the front desk had done little to ease my fears. He was still registered, but I knew that meant little. Only that he either left without bothering to get his things or he had not gotten around to checking out yet.

I was so worked up over my revelation and its aftermath that I could not possibly go back to bed. I paced around the small room endlessly. I needed something to distract myself. Another quick phone call to the front desk told me that the night clerk that had let me into the bar the other night was not working. So no piano. Shit.

I stomped to the closet and pulled the small Casio keyboard from my bag. I really didn't like to play keyboards, it didn't feel right. But I needed to release what was in my head.

The red power button had barely registered when I began to play. I played the same song I always did, over and over. But as I played, new lyrics began to form in my head. This song had always been to Edward, but the words poured out more quickly than I could write them down. The song morphed itself into a lyrical expression of my epiphany. I had just written the last line when I notice a tiny ray of light peeking through heavy curtains over the windows.

I pulled myself from my cross-legged position on the bed and yanked the curtains back. I looked across the parking lot, not really knowing what I was looking for. Surely, he didn't still have the Volvo. And even if he did, wouldn't they have just flown from Oregon?

My heart lifted as a shiny silver Volvo turned into the long driveway at that moment. It was a sign. It had to be. Divine intervention was telling me I had one shot at buying enough time with him to tell him I understood. I finally got it and none of the rest mattered.

The room service order was completely stupid. I knew it as I placed the order. I knew it as I asked them to pull the stuffed mountain lion I had spied yesterday afternoon in lobby gift shop. I knew it as I dictated the card to be put on the tray. But I simply didn't care. I had to stall his departure for just a few moments, and if nothing else, he would have to argue with the porter about returning the order.

The second I had hung up, I rushed to the bathroom to try and clean up slightly. If I was going to make a mad dash to his room when I heard the room service delivery, I at least didn't want to look like the walking dead. I yanked a brush through my hair at lightning speed and brushed my teeth hard.

My stomach did its first flip as I sat on the edge of the bed to pull my tennis shoes on. As I bent over to retrieve the shoe from its hiding place underneath the edge of the comforter, the shudder from my abdomen stopped me cold.

"Oh, hell." I couldn't help but groan out the words to the empty room. I had just wrapped my arm around my mid section when the phone rang.

It was him.

The conversation had been light, but it was profound in its symbolism. I wanted to tell him everything I had come to understand during the night, but I wanted to do it face to face and my stomach was not cooperating with that desire.

He appreciated the gesture. It had made him laugh. But more significantly, he was not leaving and did want to talk. He had been worried about me.

It was more than I had hoped for. There was no anger in his voice and I wanted the conversation to go on indefinitely. But my body betrayed me. I'm sure he thought my behavior was rude, but my stomach had chosen that particular moment to rebel.

I barely made it to the bathroom before the "morning after getting drunk" ritual began.

Only a few seconds into my disgusting performance, I felt the breeze as someone opened the bathroom door.

"Well aren't you looking smashing this lovely morning," Chip's voice rang out much too loudly in the confines of the bathroom.

My only answer was another heave.

"God, Bella, if you're going to get drunk, at least have the gonads to not throw it all back up." I felt a cold compress against my head and his hand gently rubbed my back.

"It's not the alcohol. Or at least, it's not just the alcohol."

"Yeah, whatever. Just finish already. This is truly disgusting. I really must love you."

The entire morning progressed much in the same way. Chip and I talked at length about the events from last night, this morning and what may come from tonight. Our conversation was interrupted three separate times in order for me to pay homage to the porcelain gods.

The topic of lunch had just come up when a knock on the door startled both of us out of our discussion.

"Yo! Bitch. Open the fucking door."

I turned to Chip and groaned. "I am really not in the mood for his shit."

Chip just laughed at me as he crossed the room and pulled the door open.

"Be kind. Our girl is feeling a little rough this morning." Chip's pleading seemed to fall on deaf ears as a wicked grin spread over JP's face.

"No fucking way. I very rarely get a chance to torture Miss Swan here about being hung over. I'm not wasting the precious opportunity." He looked around the room expectantly. "No breakfast from the vamp this morning?"

"Uh…no. Did you happen to see our little show last night or were you molesting some poor southern belle at the time?"

"Oh, well, which show would that be? Are you referring to the smokin' duet on the piano, the grope fest on the patio or the right hook in front of the door? And just for future reference, I can molest southern belles and watch the show. I don't have to choose which entertainment to indulge in." His smile was truly evil as he reveled in the drama of last night.

I could do nothing but hang my head into the comforter that had bunched in my lap.

"We need food people. Grab that menu, Chip."

JP ordered enough food for an army. And he apparently made sure to include every fried item on the menu. My stomach lurched as the trays were wheeled into the room.

"So, what now?"

I looked up from my bowl of soup to find JP staring very hard at me. He had ketchup on the corner of his mouth and a cheeseburger in his hand that looked too large to fit into anyone's mouth.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, part one of your 'perfect universe plan' has been enacted. So when should we expect part two?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I had no idea what plan he was referring to.

"During intermission, you told me how you would have this whole reunion thing go down. Remember? 'Slap the shit out of him, kiss the shit out of him, blah, blah, blah' So, I'm just wondering when you're going to kiss him."

I was probably staring at him like he had horns. But I replayed the conversation in my head. He was right. I had done exactly what I had told him I would do if given the opportunity. I had not thought about my behavior in those terms. Did that mean I was over the craziness? Did I want to kiss Edward and live happily ever after?

Yeah, I did. I wanted to do a lot more than kiss Edward. And I most certainly did want a happily ever after with him.

"I don't know, I may have blown my chance," I whispered.

"Can I tell you what I think?" JP's voice did not hold any of the sarcasm it usually did. I looked into his face and saw he was serious, something that didn't happen often.

I nodded my "yes" to him.

"I watched you two last night. I saw how you both looked at each other. How you reacted to each other. Honey, you don't find that often. You have a chance to reclaim what you guys had. Don't let your fear or pride ruin it for you. I threw my chance away along time ago. Don't make my mistakes."

JP and I had been friends for a long time. Long enough for me to understand the gravity of what he was saying to me. JP had once been in love. Heidi was apparently everything he ever wanted in life. He had adored her and she had all but worshipped him. He cheated on her and she could not forgive him for hurting her. When we began writing together all those years ago, we connected because we shared the pain of loss. He knew he had done it to himself and he knew what he had done to her. I think that was why he was so protective of me. He didn't want to see me hurt the way he had hurt her. Heidi was also the majority of the reason he was such a dog with women now. He intentionally never spent enough time with anyone person to ever let himself feel anything real for them.

"Quit hogging all the rolls, Bitch. Hand one to me." He winked at me, effectively ending the serious portion of the discussion.

I leaned across the bed and threw my arms around his neck. I hugged him as hard as I could and pecked his cheek. "Thank you, Asshole."

He cocked his eyebrow at me before he wrapped one arm around my waist and squeezed. He left his hand on my waist as he leaned back enough to look me in the eye.

"Just do me a favor. Just give me a little notice before you go run off with him and have little fucked up hybrid babies."

I snorted as I sat back onto the mattress. Chip actually slid from his chair on the side of the bed as he laughed.

"And for God sakes woman, eat something. Jesus, if you're gonna be fucking a vampire, you gotta have a little more meat on your bones."

The blush that overcame my body was almost painful.

The rest of the day passed in relative calm. JP and Chip stayed with me most of the day. They seemed to be making a concerted effort to not leave me alone for any amount of time. I realized that both of them seemed to know exactly what today was and they were trying to distract me.

We didn't do much except watch movies, Alien vs. Predator for JP and Pride and Prejudice for me, and talk. Marcus joined us a little after 6 that evening as we ordered a little dinner before the show. This particular tray wasn't nearly as greasy as lunch had been.

"All right, you two, time to start getting ready," Chip admonished about 8:00. JP and I were in a heated debate over whether or not I was going to let him order a porn movie to watch while we got dressed. The answer was unequivocally "no"; to which he whined like a child whose mother took the cookies away.

The nightly ritual of showering and blow drying my hair seemed to take much less time than usual. I was on edge every time I looked at the clock. In just a little over an hour, I would see him again. Marcus was doing his best to tame JP's dreadlocks. I laughed hysterically as he winced and grimaced.

As Chip gathered the bags he needed to take with us, I looked up at the ceiling of the room.

"See you tonight?"

The double stomp of a foot answered my question and I smiled from ear to ear.

This anniversary had, so far, been much more tolerable that any of the previous years. Now I just had to make sure that next year, this date would have a completely different connotation.

Chapter Notes: I'm curious to see if anyone has any predictions for what's up next. You guys know what I'm looking for, send them to me.