Tissue warning.
A/N below.
Chapter 25
Edward
At 2:55AM, on a cold January morning, Annabeth Pearl Seymour Masen finally let go of life, and went to meet her maker.
She'd made it through our wedding, our reception, with grace; with so much love, you'd have thought she'd come apart at the seams with it.
She'd managed to eat a bite of everything Esme, Rosalie, and Bella had worked so hard on for Thanksgiving dinner, despite how little her appetite was at the time.
She'd laughed from her spot in her bed, thick, fleece blanket wrapped around her ever-shrinking frame, when we exchanged gifts on Christmas morning.
She'd blown into party horns with Ella, plastic "Happy New Year" tiara on her head, on New Year's Eve and taught her the lyrics of Auld Lang Syne.
She'd tolerated Ella singing it the entire next day, right up to the moment we had to leave and drive back home.
Until one day, a couple weeks later, her heart had finally decided it'd had enough of cancer and simply gave out on her.
In the end, she got her wish, and left us in her sleep.
xx
The funeral was bigger than I expected it to be, though I didn't know why. My grandmother meant something to everyone here, had touched their life in one way or another at some point over the years. Each and every person living in the Valley came to pay their respects. Some, like the few living classmates she had at the high school, drove for miles to do so.
It awed me to see so many people fill up the church sanctuary, watch as the deacons and Reverend Weber scrambled to find chairs for everyone until the aisle was gone, full of those lucky enough to snag a seat.
And still, two rows of people stood in the back.
I let Esme talk to the majority of the people, unprepared to accept their condolences or say anything of worth back to them. After my mom and dad's deaths, she was, unfortunately, practiced in this type of social situation and able to put her grief aside for a while and be the strong Southern matriarch everyone expected her to be.
Someone had to take Nana's place in the family.
It sure wouldn't be me or Rosie.
Not yet.
We could only stand in the front corner until it was time for the service, our hands linked together for support. Someone came up to us and murmured an apology for losing her the way we did. I was able to come out of my stupor enough to bring the corner of my lips up and nod, and watch the man retreat back to one of the pew on the right to sit back down.
The second he was gone, though, I couldn't remember what was said, or who he even was.
Bella squeezed my other hand once, letting me know she was still with me, still here.
I gazed down at her and felt all of it rise to the surface.
I let go of Rosie's hand - just for a moment - and rubbed at my eyes.
Bella was… Well, she looked a little worse for wear, but then again, I imagined I probably didn't look much better myself. I'd barely managed to fix my hair or straighten my tie before we left the house, and as for Ella-
God, she'd have been just as disheveled if Bella hadn't put her in a fancy, gray dress and braided her hair.
She had thought she wouldn't be able to handle this, but she was stronger than she gave herself credit for. Possibly even stronger than she claimed I was.
Reverend Weber came up and said something into Emmett's ear, and he glanced over at us all and nodded in the direction of the seats reserved for us up front. Mindlessly, I followed him, observing how he put his hand on the small of Rosie's back, kissed the top of her head ever so gently as they sat down…
Another emotion, this one similar to the way I felt when I first saw Ella with Bella. My chest hurt with it, and tears sprang to my eyes once more. I wrapped my arm around my sister and pulled her away from Emmett just long enough to kiss her temple, exchange a look with her.
Reservations gone, I was thankful that she'd found him when she did.
The sermon began, but I couldn't focus on the words being said. I sat there, stared at the oak casket Nana had chosen a while back sitting in front of the podium.
It would be the last time I ever saw her.
My eyes suddenly darted away from it.
I refused to remember her that way.
Reverend Weber introduced the first speaker, Esme, and I had to look up at the ceiling so that I didn't lose it.
Another speaker.
And another.
None of whom I could listen to, look at, without knowing I'd break down, even though I wanted to see, wanted to hear. I wanted to remember what was said about my grandmother, keep their kind words and loving memories right along with mine, but I couldn't.
Then Bella's name was called.
I shot to attention, my head whipping around to see her pick Ella up off of her lap and hand her to me. My grip nearly faltered as I took her and met Bella's dark eyes.
A sob caught at the back of my throat when she reached up and ran her hand along my jaw, and as she walked away, I held Ella closer, leaned down to kiss her neck.
She giggled out a "Daddy" softly.
Bella smoothed down her black pencil skirt and carefully took the two steps up to the podium, putting her hands on both sides, gripping the wood hard.
Her wedding ring glinted in the light streaming in from one of the stained glass windows.
She inhaled sharply, glanced around the sanctuary, and then focused on me.
"No one knew I was going to do this. Not even Edward," she began, "and it's because I honestly wasn't sure I could. This is…"
Her eyes flickered around the room again until they found Sam, and she sniffled, drew in a deep breath.
"It's really hard for me, and I didn't want anyone to be disappointed if I backed out," she continued. "And I'm not going to be able to say much, but I wanted to say something after all the-
"Anyway, for those of you who don't know me, I moved here from Washington last year. I was hoping to… escape how hard it was being in the town I grew up in without my parents, my friends, after their deaths. Instead… Well, honestly, I ended up getting yelled at by Ms. Annabeth a lot about how ridiculous I was being. Because escape isn't the way to go. I was completely deserving of every time she told me - without actually saying the words, of course - how much of an idiot I was for thinking I didn't want to have a family or a life again. Without having people to share things with, it all seems so pointless, you know?
"She taught me more in the few short months I was blessed to know her than anyone else had in all my life. She was so smart that way. She always was able to just… make me reevaluate everything I believed or thought I wanted with just a sentence or a phrase. Sometimes," she said on a tearful laugh, "with just a look. Anyone else ever been on the other side of that look? It seems to be a hereditary trait, so you might've gotten it from my husband once before, too."
Grief momentarily forgotten, I chuckled at the look she gave me.
"She never complained. She never felt sorry for herself. She was always, even on her worst days, gracious and thankful that she'd been given the life she had. Her faith didn't waiver. Her love for us all didn't diminish. She showed me that love and family are gifts, no matter how it comes to us or how long it lasts."
A tear fell down her cheek, and shakily, she blotted it away.
"And it's because of her, of Edward and the rest of the Masen family, that I found myself again – peace again.
"It's because of her that I know who it is I want to be, and the mark on the world I want to leave behind."
I stared down at the squat glass, picked it up and moved it around in a circle; the amber liquid swirled. I held it to my lips, intent on taking a sip.
I downed the entire thing.
The sound of another glass being scooted across the kitchen counter caught my attention. I looked up, saw Emmett waiting.
I gave myself another round and pushed the bottle of bourbon toward him.
"So are we getting shitfaced now or later?" he asked as he poured.
I glanced back into the living room and found Bella sitting on the floral couch with Ella; Peter, Charlotte and Marcus quietly watched one of Ella's DVDs with them.
"Later. At least not while El's still up," I answered flatly.
He studied me for a moment, long enough that I slowly turned to face him.
"What?"
"I can see why she wanted ya to have her."
Mid-drink, I choked in surprise.
"You're always puttin' her first. Even when you're… Well, needin' somethin' for yourself, I guess."
I coughed a couple of times before I could finally respond. "She told ya already?"
He shrugged, blue eyes staring at me from behind his glasses. "I put two and two together. She made a few comments that struck me as odd when talkin' about y'all, and then I saw Ella yesterday for the first time. She's the spittin' image of Rosie, isn't she?"
"So ya just asked…?"
"Nah. She knew that I knew and went ahead and told me last night." A quick pause to take a drink. "And just so we're clear, it changes nothin'."
"Good. I'm tired of feelin' like it does with everyone. She doesn't need that shit."
He chuckled and leaned forward against the counter. "No wonder you don't talk to me much."
"She's not goin' through that again," I answered.
"No," Emmett said, his deep voice suddenly protective. "She's not."
I studied him for a moment. Nothing wavered in him as he stared back at me, and so finally, I nodded.
I tossed the rest of my drink back, and then stood up, checking the clock.
"Ella bug, time for bed," I called out to her. "Ya got your teeth brushed?"
"Yes, sir."
Reluctantly, she slid off of Bella's lap and waited for me to join her in the living room. Bella gave me a questioning stare as I picked her up, but said nothing, letting me carry Ella off upstairs into the bedroom we'd made into hers now that we were married and had a house here in the Valley.
In the end, neither of us wanted anyone else to live in it. It was too important to us to give away, too much of the reason we had found one another in the first place.
Aqua and pink, full of tulle and sparkles, it was everything Ella had picked out for herself and toned down by us when we refinished the room. The aqua paint was lighter than what Ella had originally chosen. The tulle and sparkles contained to the accents Alice and Bella had found one day shopping. A Monster High poster hung on the wall above her bed, and a corkboard covered with family pictures hung over the desk Bella had insisted on getting her.
There was one of my grandmother and her, front and center.
It hurt to look at it.
I slipped back the paisley print comforter and waited for Ella to get in before getting in with her. The book we were reading, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, sat on the nightstand.
I picked it up and found the page we'd stopped at last.
An unbidden image of my grandmother giving this to her on our last visit popped into my head.
I blinked away hot, heavy tears.
Ella patted my chest, gazed up at me seriously.
"I miss Nana, Daddy," she whispered.
"Me too, baby."
"Miss Izzy says she's in Heaven with your mama and daddy and pappaw. And her mama and daddy, too."
"She is," I managed.
"I bet she's happy. That's what they say at school. That everyone is happy in Heaven."
I tugged her toward me, kissed the top of her head. "Where were we?"
"Off with their heads," she quoted, giggling.
"Right. The croquet game."
I cleared my throat and began the chapter.
"'You can't think how glad I am to see you again, you dear old thing!' said the Duchess, as she tucked her arm affectionately into Alice's, and they walked off together…"
xx
"Hey," I heard murmured above me, feeling my body come awake as a hand moved over my torso.
I blinked, saw Bella hovering above us. Her lips curved with a sad smile, and she held up the bottle of bourbon, shaking it a little. "I think you had a little more of this than you planned."
Carefully moving away from Ella, I gazed at the bottle and saw that almost half of it was gone.
"Huh."
I stood and glanced down, noted just how rumpled my suit pants and button up were now that I'd slept.
"What time is it?" I mumbled, still groggy.
"A little after eleven."
She reached out and took my hand, leading me toward our bedroom. The bottle was sat on the dresser, and she unzipped and shimmied out of her skirt. Then her cardigan and her silk shell underneath it, until she was in nothing but a black lace bra and thong.
After all that had happened today, she still was able to stun me silent with her beauty.
She stepped toward me and unbuttoned my white shirt, pushing it off of my shoulders before moving to my pants.
She didn't say a word, but then again, she didn't need to. I followed her to the adjoining bathroom where we finished getting undressed and got into the already running shower. The water was hot, air steamy. The moment it hit my back, my muscles uncoiled, and I dropped my head to Bella's shoulder, felt her arms come up to wrap around me, slide down my back comfortingly.
Water ran over us, and with every minute that passed, every part of me began to unwind, unraveling until I almost couldn't bear it anymore.
Bella's hold suddenly tightened, her breathing quickening. I swallowed hard, clenched my eyes shut in the hope that this feeling would pass and I wouldn't break down in tears.
Bella moved suddenly, shifting away from me.
"I need to finish up so I can make sure everyone's got a place to sleep."
She wouldn't look at me, robotically reaching for the shampoo and dispensing it into her palm.
"They can wait," I said, my voice catching at the end.
"I don't know… I-"
I took her hand and put it under the stream, rinsing the soap away.
"Not yet."
"Edward-"
"Just stay," I breathed, eyes glossing over with tears.
I couldn't let them fall. To do so would be to lose myself.
"Please."
"Baby, I can't. I-" She glanced away and brought her lip in between her teeth. "I can't watch you when you- I've done okay today, but I think I-"
Her chin trembled. I knew grief swelled beneath the surface.
It was something we shared now. Time hadn't had the chance to ease mine, like it'd done before.
"Amazin', Bella. You were amazin' today."
Eyes widening, I reached out and shut off the water, watched as the last rivulets raced down her body. A drop caught on her nipple. I swiped it away with my thumb, watched it pebble with my touch; watched as she trembled once with need.
"I need ya so fucking… More than ever..."
She sobbed once, and let her eyes slowly drift back from the floor to mine. She looked so destroyed, so lost, I could feel everything I was holding back come back up again, rise against my will.
The chasm was so deep; its pull so strong.
"Make me forget," I begged, reciting the very words she'd said to me once before. Only now, I understood them for what they truly were. "For just a little bit, Iz. I need ya to-"
Be my strength.
Another sob as she stood up on her toes, crashing her lips into mine.
Her comfort was staggering, and it was all I could do to keep myself upright, keep my hands on her. Feel her.
Love her.
I gripped her thighs and picked her up so that she straddled me. We were so slippery from the shower it was hard to hold onto her. I broke away just long enough to get us to the bed, where we fell, spiraling together as we worked toward solace, release, until her hips came up in time with each pump of my fingers and her breath came out in little pants against my lips.
I lined us up and slowly slipped into her. Her nails dug into my back as I entered her, and I grunted as they broke the skin, gripped the sheets beneath us tighter.
And then we were one, moving together, caught between this feeling we had when we were together like this and the void of despair; chasing away the emptiness, the pain.
I kissed her as I drove into her, heard her say how much she loved me. Felt the way it broke me in two, panicked me. I seemed to lose almost everyone I loved. And if I lost her too…
Her movements sped up; I opened my eyes.
"Baby-" she moaned.
I lifted her up so that she sat on top of me and took her hair off of her face, wrapping it around my hand so that I could see her clearly.
It was one of the best things on this earth to see her come apart around me.
She took my face in her hands, forehead resting against mine. She held onto me tighter as she rocked against me, only breaking eye contact the moment she came. Her brows knit, teeth pulled her lip between them, as she struggled to stay quiet.
I watched, enraptured, until I couldn't hold back anymore. A burst of emotion went through me just as I emptied into her, and I felt her shift, place a kiss just below my ear, and then trail her mouth over my jaw.
I shuddered at the feel of it, the weight of everything coming back to me again.
She paused just at the corner of my mouth, at the taste of my tears, breath hitching as she leaned back to see me.
"Oh, Edward…"
"How did you do this?" I wondered aloud. "How did you-?"
"Sometimes, I didn't know," she answered honestly, her eyes brimming. She blinked, and the tears spilled over.
Thoughtlessly, I went to wipe them away.
"Sometimes, it hurt so much… But I was alone. I didn't have anyone to talk to or keep me from feeling so miserable. Not like now."
"I'm going to miss her," I whispered thickly. "So fucking much."
"I know, baby," she said, thumbs rolling over my cheeks.
They came away wet.
"She gave us so much while she was here."
I glanced around the unfinished room and almost groaned in frustration.
This house was so far behind schedule.
I huffed, and then shook myself out of it in order to get back to work. This was why I'd come today, to work a little overtime and hopefully get this place back to where it needed to be in the upcoming weeks. It was my fault we were so far behind in the first place. I'd taken over the project when we came back to Jacksonville, but with everything…
I stopped the thought.
I couldn't afford to lose myself to it again.
One quick movement, and the saw had cut through the wood. I pulled the piece of molding off of the table and examined it. The angle was good, right.
Unlike the rest of this project.
I started to walk over to the corner where the ladder stood, but movement caught my eye. I froze in place, sure I was seeing things.
I blinked.
Again, and again, and again...
"Hi," Bella whispered shyly.
She looked so good standing there in front of me, hair down around her face and those jeans I liked so much on. If it wasn't so cold today, I might've stripped her bare and taken her right here on the floor.
Against the wall.
A smile cracked. "Well, hi, sug. What are ya doin' here?"
She rocked on her heels and glanced around the room. Nothing of the elaborate woodwork we had planned had been installed yet, and I wondered just how horrible the room looked to her without it.
I got frustrated all over again.
This was exactly why I'd kept her from seeing any of it, sure I'd look like a failure at this point.
We had all our eggs, so to speak, in this one, four thousand square foot basket of a house.
Disappointing her was not an option. Not now, not after how distant I knew I'd been lately.
"Didn't know you did finishing carpentry, too."
One of my brows quirked with the awkwardness that had settled around her, but I said nothing.
It was something else that was my fault.
"So um..." She cleared her throat. "So Marcus told me you'd be here. I had to Google Map the street to find it."
He knew I wanted to show her the house when it was finished. Not just a shell of what it would soon be.
I was going to kill him when I got back to the office.
"Yeah." I yanked my hat off of my head so I could scratch at my scalp, pull at my hair. "What're ya doin' here, Iz? What's goin' on?"
"Take a walk with me?"
"Bella."
She laughed, loosening up some. "Come on. I want to see this place. You've been so tight lipped about it. I want to see what my husband's been up to in the last few weeks."
Guilt ate away at me with the comment.
"I haven't showed ya around because I wanted ya to see the finished product. Not…" I made a broad gesture to the room. "This."
"What's 'this' exactly?"
"Ya can't see any of what we've got planned. I wanted to show ya when it's all new and… There's some stuff no one else is doin' I want to show ya. It's not like I've been purposely keepin ya away."
"Haven't you?" she whispered, almost so softly I didn't catch it.
"Sweetheart-"
"I'll close my eyes, and you can lead me outside. We can head down to the beach. You can surprise me later with the details of the finished product."
I ignored her jab. "It's cold as hell today, Izzy."
"That's why I'm wearing my fleece. Obviously."
I chuckled, saw the determination on her face, and finally relented. "A quick one. I've gotta get this place caught up."
"Quick. I promise."
She closed her eyes, just like she'd said she would, and waited for me to lead her back out of the house.
"Steps," I murmured, slowly walking her down the steps and out toward the beach.
The second her feet touched the sand, she opened her eyes, letting them drift upward to the sky.
Something stirred inside her, made her appear even more beautiful than usual to me.
My heart twisted with it.
"It's really pretty today, even with the cold."
I made a hum of agreement. "Where's Ella?"
"Reminding Peter and Charlotte why they stopped at two kids," she replied.
I laughed once and nodded, watching Bella practically skip next to me.
She had no idea what she did to me; how she made me forget, feel, with something so inane as a skip in her step.
I was such a fool for keeping her at arm's length these last few weeks. For doing exactly what I'd always said she couldn't do to herself when we first met.
I reached out, took her hand, and a laced our fingers together.
No more.
She didn't say anything for a while, simply watched the waves crash to the shore, examined the houses we passed, until eventually, we were half a mile down the road.
All at once, I pulled her to me.
"Alright, enough of this nonsense. What is goin' on with ya?"
"What do you mean? I happen to think I'm in an excellent mood, thank you very much."
"Which is why I'm askin'. You've been so…"
She put her hands on my chest and stared up at me, smile slowly dying. "I know. So have you."
"It's been rough, yeah. But it's gettin' better," I offered.
The smile came back full force. "Really?"
"Yeah," I swore. "It's not always great, but you and Ella… You're everythin' to me. I'm not gonna risk losin' it. And I - I'm sorry for bein' such a hypocritical asshole lately."
"So… can I slap some sense into you when you get into one of your moods?"
Another laugh. "Did ya have a good day at work or somethin'?"
"If you consider leaving work early good, then yes, I did."
"Ya left work…?" I scowled hard. "Why?"
"I haven't been feeling all that great lately, and rather than give Ella some bug and make her feel like crap too, I thought I'd just run over to the doctor," she explained.
"And?"
"Oh, I've got somethin' all right."
"Good thing I haven't kissed ya then," I teased.
She giggled, shook her head. "This isn't contagious."
My stomach dropped.
She saw the expression on my face and grinned even wider.
My confusion grew.
"This is one of those things that goes away on its own. Well, no, that's not exactly right. I'm going to have to help out. A lot."
"I'm not… I'm not followin' ya, hon."
"See, that's exactly how I reacted in the doctor's office. I haven't missed a single pill; I've not taken any medication to interfere with it… And yet, here we are."
My eyes went wide, heart turned over.
Holy shit.
"Izzy, baby… Are you sayin' what I think ya are?"
A sideways, coy glance now. "Even gone your grandmother is still pulling strings."
"What?"
"The night of the funeral. When we were…"
"Yeah?"
"It seems we made a baby."
With those six words, my knees buckled. Bella's body jerked when I grabbed a hold of her, sank down with me when I dropped to the sand.
Laughing, she asked, "You okay?"
"Yeah," I said, breathless with excitement. "You?"
Her chin wobbled, and she nodded roughly. "It's a lot sooner than I thought I'd be ready for, but…"
"But what?"
She stared up at me, her eyes fluttering closed when I ran my fingers through her hair.
"Tell me, Iz."
She shrugged and opened them once more. They were dark, heavy with emotion gazing back at me. "We buried your grandmother the very same day it happened. I…"
I exhaled sharply.
"Now I see what ya meant with the pullin' strings comment."
"She would have done this if she could've."
I smiled a little, because she was right. "The Valley's gonna go nuts."
"Ella's gonna go nuts."
"We've got so much to explain to her. She's gonna start askin' questions."
"What do you want to do?"
"Tell her the truth. Part of it, anyway. She needs to know that the way she came to be my daughter is gonna be different than the way this-"
I broke off, my hand slowly moving up under her jacket to trail my knuckle down her stomach.
"When?"
"October eleventh."
I nodded and swallowed hard.
A baby.
Suddenly, I was laughing, falling back to the ground and dragging Bella with me.
"We're gonna have to work on the house some."
"It's bad timing with the parade house, I know-"
"It's not," I interrupted. "It's perfect timin', sug."
She burrowed against me, almost clinging to me in relief.
"What if we added a master suite to the back?" she asked. "We can push the deck back to accommodate it."
Another laugh rumbled in my chest. "I can do that. Make it so the house is split bedroom. I could still keep my office and the guest room where they are this way."
"So you like it?"
"Yeah, sweetheart," I soothed. "I like it."
Without warning, she burst into tears. "Oh, thank God."
"What'd ya think was gonna happen?"
"I don't know. We didn't plan-"
"We said we weren't gonna."
"I know, I know. But this- I just… I keep thinking of something I read the other day, and how it kind of hit home for me."
"What is it?"
"Where once my life had ended…" she quoted. "Now it truly began."
I was silent, processing exactly what that meant for her. How she'd had nothing when we first met, and now…
"It feels like that with this. With you," she murmured.
Emotion rose, and I gathered her to me, kissed her softly.
Words would never be able to express what she meant to me - what this meant to me. I broke away from her and focused on the sky again, felt my eyes begin to water. I held my breath, and then blew it out in a rush.
I knew, without a shadow of doubt, that Bella was right.
Fate had given us this, at this precise moment, to give us something to hope for, something to heal our broken hearts.
I held Bella close.
Maybe my grandmother was still looking out for us, making sure we all toed the line.
Giving us what we needed, when we didn't even know we needed it, like she had my entire life.
With my parents, my grandfather, by her side.
I could do lots of explaining about why I ended it here, but I won't. I'll just say that when I wrote this, it just felt right to stop and let the rest of the fluff happen with the epilogue.
So that's what happened.
Anyway, thank you for reading, reviewing, sharing, rec'ing, all of it.
I'll post the epilogue at some point next week. Wednesday-ish? And there's an outtake written and ready to be beta'd, too. Just need to clean up the end a bit.
Speaking of betas... Thanks to Stratan for always keeping track of everything and letting me know when I've screwed something up. I don't know how he does it.