I grapple swiftly from tree to tree, scanning the forest for anything that could be dangerous enough to merit a dungeon after I killed it. After all, while Wolves and Zombies gave alright stuff, it just wasn't enough. And Birds….
I knew enough about Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds to know why not to go after lethal birds. There's a reason why it's called a murder of crows….
…
Speaking of horror and birds, I just remembered why they're called Nevermores. Quoth the raven, 'nevermore'.
…
Wait a second. Monty Oum….Montressor….Amontillado….
Nah, probably just a coincidence.
[Quest Obtained:For The Love of God, Monty Oum, AKA The Cask of Amontylladoum]
DEATH, WHY. WHY DID YOU WAIT UNTIL I DISMISSED IT.
I examine the quest.
[For The Love of God, Monty Oum
Objective 1:Find ?
Objective 2a:?
Objective 2b:Consume ?'s soul.
Rewards:(a)+10000 reputation with ?, ? reputation with Ozpin, ?
Rewards(b):+5000 experience, x6 maximum MP, title Cherry Popper, -reputation with Ozpin, death of ?, ?
Failure:Possible death, increased Grimm Threat, probable death of Pyrrha Nikos, guaranteed death of Headmaster Ozpin, guaranteed death of ?, possible death of Ruby Rose, possible death of Weiss Schnee, probable death of Yang Xiao Long, possible death of Blake Belladonna, possible death of Jaune Arc, possible death of Lie Ren, possible death of Nora Valkyrie, possible death of Cardin Winchester, possible death of Velvet Scarlatina…
Note from your friendly neighborhood Death Master:Possible/probable death doesn't preclude non-death bad things happening to them. I just don't really care.]
It went on for several dozen pages. It listed all the rookie Huntsmen first, then I'm pretty sure it went on to list civilians. I had to skip ahead to the end to see the note.
…
What the hell? So if I don't find this person and do something afterwards or else eat their soul, pretty much everyone in Vale is at risk? This is absurd! What the fuck's so important about this?
…
Wait, those have twelve question marks. Any relation to TQM?
[Nope. Just baiting you.]
Oy, fuck off!
[Nope!]
Distracted by the quest, I almost miss the bunny Grimm. I have a feeling I know, but just to make sure….
Observe.
[Caerbannog level 150
2000/2000 hp
1000/1000 mp
0 AP]
…...Motherfucker. I would be a terrible person if I let this monstrosity run free.
….Well, it's not a hand grenade, but it'll have to do. I pull out the Holy shield and drop shieldfirst towards it. As it reacts to my fall, I cry out, "Holy Blast!"
….What? It's simple.
The holy energy erupts from the face of the shield, eradicating part of the bunny's body, mostly the front legs since it had leapt for me. The rest of it was thrown back. It tried to leap for me feebly as I pulled out my pistol and sent ten bullets downrange at it, finishing it off.
I casually walk forward and take it's soul.
[Boss soul:+7500 experience
Dungeon Unlocked:Bunny]
…That's a thing?
…What the fuck could I get from a dungeon full of rabbits? Anyway, I guess I should start butchering things I find in dungeons. Maybe I can learn some kinda insta-butcher skill?
Oh, hey, the Caerbannog left behind one of it's hindlegs. I snag it and add it to my pouch.
Sweet, a extra 20% luck to the fetish pouch!
I also find 500 lien and 20 Caerbullets(which appear to be vorpal-bunny-tooth-bullets. I'll look at them later.)
I'm forced to assume that the reason that the Caerbannog was level 150 was because if it hadn't been caught off guard, it would have killed me ruthlessly, just like in Holy Grail.
….Poor Ruth. Nobody ever does anything with Ruth. So whelming.
Oh, hey, a cave with a picture of a Deathstalker! I'm sure there couldn't possibly be a Deathstalker inside!
Jaune sneezes, and randomly feels indignant about something.
Meh, might as well check the bullets before I enter.
[Caerbullet
+10000% armor piercing.(Does not apply to aura)
+566% damage to Knights of the Round Table.
Inflict Darkness damage.]
….This is either incredibly great or incredibly useless, depending on whether robots count as armor rather than having HP, since these are handgun bullets. Unless I actually meet a Knight of the Round Table, I'm pretty sure it's otherwise useless against people. Handguns don't do shit to Aura.
….Though someone without aura…. I wince slightly. Any bullet would kill someone like that.
Anyway, I step slowly into the cave, switching to my katars.
I hear a clatter near me and swiftly turn, firing off several wind bolts at the previously hard to see Deathstalker. All but one go astray, but that one happens to slam into it's stinger, keeping it from landing a hit.
Oh god, I just realized I never actually properly fought a Deathstalker. And I suddenly have a feeling there's a good reason not to fight them properly. Like the fact that they're fucking huge. I duck to the side as it lashes out with a claw, trying to grab me and hold me still. LIKE HELL!
I switch from Katars to Cerberus, feeling that Screech was more likely to get me killed by calling more Grimm to me than actually help me kill this Deathstalker.
….
Fuck it, I can always heal up in the Empty Dungeon if this cool idea I have fails badly. I grapple the wall past the Deathstalker and trigger the retraction, getting rapidly accelerated up to 50 MPH by the time I reach the Deathstalker.
"GREYHART KICK!" I slam my foot into the tail while channeling Aura athrough it.
….What? I'm not Captain Falcon, so I can't Falcon Kick. So instead i'm Greyhart Kicking. Sounded a lot better in my head, though.
[Skill learned:Aura Channeling level 1
Aura consumption:Variable/minute
+1% to unarmed damage per 100 Aura expended per minute
Max +10% unarmed damage
+.5% to armed damage per 200 aura expended per minute
Max +5% armed damage
Skill learned:Dynamic Entry level 1
+100% melee damage when traveling laterallly at speeds above 20 miles per hour, compared to frame of reference of target.]
….i really need to stop letting these text boxes distract me. I barely duck out of the way of the stinger again before letting go of the handle of Cerberus.
The grapple-gun slams forward, pinning and crushing the stinger to the wall. The Deathstalker struggles for a minute before suddenly giving up, and just….just looking at me. Unblinkingly.
I Observe it on impulse, then demand more details.
[Deathstalker level 70
24000/25000 hp
0/? Mp
0/0 ap
Status:Pinned, Submissive, Supplicating, Murderous.]
….Huh. Last was curious. Anyway, I don't really give a fuck if this guy wants me to spare him. He's a fucking Grimm.
I pull out my handguns.
I could use some target practice anyway. I take aim for the biggest eye and see the Grimm snap all it's eyes shut immediately in response, as if it understood what I was about to do.
…
Can I do this? Shoot out each of it's eyes, then kill it if that didn't? Sure, it's a homicidal monster, but….maybe that crosses a line.
Well, I can't leave it with Cerberus, so I still have to kill it. I switch over to Desert Sting and move closer, jamming it between the gaps in the Stalker's chitin over and over until it goes limp from the paralytic venom, then impale it full force.
"Just….fucking die!" I growl quietly when that doesn't kill it. I wriggle my fingers under one of the chitin plates and pull savagely.
I hear a ding as it's ripped off.
[You have learned the skill Rip Armor
Rip Armor level 1 10%
Cost:100 MP
Reduces armor value by 5% of strength.
Inflicts 100% strength damage when ripping armor that is part of the target's body.]
I repeatedly rip and tear off armor plates (getting a skill up, 6% str to armor and 120% damage) before pulling out the handgun and firing it repeatedly into the gap I'd created.
By the time I finished off the deathstalker, another had clittered towards me from deeper in the cave. "Fuck." I growl, nabbing the soul(+3000 exp) and grabbing Cerberus off the wall before readying myself. Specifically, by swapping back to Desert Sting.
"Good thing you can't take what you dish out…" I mumble as I begin poking tiny holes in the Grimm with the spear, dancing out of range whenever it attacks back. It gets more and more sluggish each time the spear's tip touches it until it simply collapses. Not wanting to take any chances, I stab it a few more times before beginning to rip off it's armor plating. This time, instead of using the pistol point blank when I'd basically already exposed it, I switched to the katars, dicing the scorpion Grimm into teeny bits…..well, smaller bits. I did cut off a claw.
I grab it's soul for another +3000 and then turn to address the loot..
…...Seriously?
I pick up the little steel pendant with a questioning look. It…. it was all too familiar. A yellow glass(or is that actually a gem?) setting on it in the symbol of Scorpio.
I'll look at it later. I collect the vials of Venom that dropped and a nice hunk of Deathstalker Chitin. I'm sure I can do something with this…. Perhaps a lightweight shield or suit of armor? I'll probably need quite a few plates of the stuff before I can actually make anything of it.
I wander further into the cave slowly, switching back to the Katars. Power Scissor is kind of nice, admittedly, and besides, even if it draws attention, maybe Screech wouldn't be too bad.
….
Yeah, I know. I'm fucking indecisive. Bite me.
I scan the cave as I walk, looking for any signs of gems or metals in the walls. Unfortunately, I have pretty much no idea what I'm looking for besides shinies, so I don't see anything.
And then I walk into the spiderweb.
When I say 'spiderweb', I'm not talking about your ordinary spiderweb. I'm not even talking about stings the size of my fingers. I'm deep in some DELTORA level shit(...Deltora totally had a giant spider in it, right? FUCK WHY AM I THINKING ABOUT THIS) here. The strand of web I had touched was about as thick as the widest part of a baseball bat, and clung like hell.
Okay. Calm down. Don't move. Slow your brea-no, don't breathe.
I hold my breath and call a Wind crystal into my hand, curling my fist tight around it to muffle the light. My vision begins to swim just as it finishes, and all urgency regarding breathing leaves me. Right. I have nine minutes now to figure out how to escape this web. I would Instant Dungeon, except I think this web counts as a structure-in other words, I'll still be stuck, just in another dimension.
…
Okay, I'm sure this is stupid. I know that something poisonous isn't necessarily corrosive. Similarly, something venomous isn't necessarily poisonous to eat.
On the other hand. Remnant is anime land. Their rules are not our rules.
With the hand that didn't get caught, I call a bottle of Deathstalker venom to hand. I uncork it painstakingly with my teeth and carefully dribble a bit on two bits of web near the part that captured my other arm.
*pleaseworkpleaseworkpleaseworkpleasework*
[By staying calm in a bad situation and enacting a cunning solution, you have increased your Wisdom by 5!]
Five? Christ, it wasn't THAT cunning.
Nonetheless, I am now free of the web, so I take a moment to breathe. Was Daddy Longlegs out? Or maybe it's Momma Widow. I shouldn't assume the spider's gender or anything.
….I don't trust this. I pull out Desert Sting, quickly tip a arrow with Fire, and silently fire it at a point where web and walll meet. It shatters noisily, and seconds before the fire erupts a smallish creature skitters towards it and is blasted away.
I examine it with Observe, of course.
[Baby Arachne]
…Dear lord.
Wait, I thought Grimm don't come with reproduction?
[Do you WANT me to use scientific names for all the grimm you encounter? Because I swear to Me, I can and will!]
All hail Death the great and wise!
{Hehehe…*hail*}
Meanwhile, far away, that is to say, inside Vale, people look up at the sky that has mysteriously filled with clouds. Everyone runs inside as egg sized balls of hail fall from the sky, except a single pink haired girl, whose umbrella seems to effortlessly repel the hail.
She scowls slightly. Was the Winter Maiden in Vale? That could effect their plans. Still, she wouldn't tell Cinder her suspicions. She'd have to encourage Roman not to do the same. After all, just because some of their desires coincided, doesn't mean that they're her loyal servants.
…
Oh, hey! Her favorite ice cream store is still open!
...What's so funny about hailing Death, Chaos?
{You'd have to be here. And there. And there. And there….}
I get it, you're omnipresent. Jeez, if you're not going to explain the joke, why bother mentioning it?
{Why, so I can enjoy myself at your expense!}
….It's kind of disturbing how similar we are.
{Are you kidding me? We're not similar. I just act like you a portion of the time.}
...That's...Reassuring?
Alright, so I gotta find Mammarachne, beat the shit out of her, and then I'll get a spider dungeon.
Spider dungeon means spider silk to loot.
Spider silk means spider silk clothing.
My mind toys with the idea of convincing my teammates to wear spider-silk negligee before I shut down the idea ruthlessly. Bad thoughts, bad thoughts, naughty thoughts.
…especially thinking about Ruby. She isn't even old enough to be age of consent back home! The others are, not that you'd think it. Thanks, southern californian writers for convincing everyone the age of consent in the US is 18 while it actually varies by state.
A very real(and very traitorous) part of me wants to look up the law on that here, though.
Bad thoughts! Look, if I so much as give Ruby a ogle, odds are her sister would clean my clock.
…..
Wow, I really could have chosen my words better.
I shake myself out of my reverie and move forward.
{Hehehe….}
What?
{Nothing~}
It's less convincing when you add the tilde at the end.
{I know~}
….Fuck you, Chaos.
Each time I came across a Arachne(thankfully, the oldest arachne was a Juvenile, four times the size of a Baby and twice that of a Childish) I silently killed it with a swift barrage of wind bullets or a Power Scissor to the back.
And then I came into a cavern, my false-Faunus eyes letting me clearly see exactly what was in it….
….Speaking of which, why is this in color? That's absolute horseshit, darkvision equals colorblindness at the very least. Fucking not-quite-anime logic.
Anyway, I saw the exact reason why Chaos had been laughing.
Arachnes might not have the same level of exoskeleton as a Deathstalker, but what I hadn't noticed was they had a stinger, and seemingly vestigial pincers.
Mamarachne's weren't vestigial.
"Fuck… Scorpions are arachnids, too!" I hiss under my breath.
I grab Desert Sting and untipped arrows from my inventory, quickly fitting Gravity crystals onto each. The last one, however, I fit with Fire.
You see, the cavern, like the tunnel before, was crisscrossed with lines everywhere in what can only be described as a fucking Danger Room.
I fit the Fire-Dust Arrow onto Desert Sting and squint. Do I arch high and try to pin Mamarachne to the ground? Or do I arch low and aim to keep them off it? Each web is nearly as thick around as I am, except more rounded, like massive pillars, except they're made of spider silk.
"...Fuck it." I sigh and arch it low. "Not taking the risk."
I fumble eight Caerbullets into a handgun. I could really use a accuracy boosting skill.
…Just maybe.
"I do not aim with my gun. He who aims with his gun has forgotten the face of his father. I aim with my eye." I take a breath, lifting the gun at Mamarachne, who's busy fighting the fire as best she can. "I do not shoot with my hand. He who shoots with his hand has forgotten the face of his father. I shoot with my mind." I pause, unsure if I said that part right as Mamarachne notices me, turning towards me. "I do not kill with my gun. He who kills with his gun has forgotten the face of his father."
I take a breath.
"I kill with my heart."
I trigger Aura without glancing at the ping I just got. Without another word or breath, I fire eight shots.
The first, third, fourth and seventh meet their respective marks. Gore bursts from Mamarachne's eyes as her exoskeleton takes the rest of the shots….and gives, perforated by the Vorpal Bunny's teeth.
And then I realize my mistake. The showers of Grimm-blood do not seem to impede Mamarachne(or, more properly, Queen Arachne). What is more, they seem to have done a excellent job of quenching the flame.
"Instant dungeon, empty!" I yell.
[Error:You cannot use that skill while you have angered a Real Dungeon Boss.]
…
Ohhhhhh, fuck me...