Apologize

by evitascarlett

As Kate finds herself getting back on solid ground in her relationship with Castle, her world gets turned upside down by an unexpected visitor. As emotions run high and danger lurks will she and Castle be able to stand together and become stronger or will their secrets and lies eventually tear them apart? AU Set after 4x22 Undead Again. Cover Art by LordofKavaka. Now Edited 9/2015.

26. Chapter 26 - Madness Part 2

Chapter 26 – Madness Part 2

'Come to me just in a dream, come on and rescue me. Yes I know, I can be wrong, maybe I'm too headstrong, our love is madness – Muse

Two nights later, Kate was up pacing the floors, her bruised ribs throbbing as she had accidentally rolled onto her left side while asleep. She was near tears, as it hurt to breathe too deeply and she was reluctant to take the pain pills.

"Katie, what's wrong?" her mother's voice asked quietly as she appeared in the living room.

"I keep rolling onto my left side," she answered, trying to bite back her tears.

"Have you taken anything for the pain?" Johanna asked.

"No. I thought maybe if I just walked a bit it would ease up."

"You need to take something."

"I'll be okay. I didn't mean to wake you."

"You didn't," Johanna told her. "And even if you did I wouldn't care. You need sleep more than I do right now."

Kate scoffed. "I don't think I'm going to be getting much sleep; not if I can't stay off my side."

"Maybe you should try sleeping on the couch," Johanna suggested. "It would probably be easier for you to stay off your side that way."

"You're probably right."

"I'll fix it for you," her mother said. "But first let's go into the kitchen and get you something for the pain."

She shook her head. "I hate taking that stuff. It makes me too sleepy and I don't like how it makes me feel."

"Kate, you need to rest so you'll heal," Johanna replied as she took hold of her elbow and steered her into the kitchen.

"But it keeps me from being as alert as I like to be."

"Your father's here," she reminded her. "I'm here, and believe me, when I do drift off for a few minutes, I'm sleeping lightly. There's a car in front of the building and it wouldn't surprise me if Ryan and Esposito were out there somewhere too. You can rest, everything will be okay."

"I don't…"

"Just take one pill, Katie," Johanna instructed. "Take one instead of two; that should take the edge off and keep you a little more alert, okay? Do it for me. I don't like to see you in pain."

"Really? You're going to pull the guilt card on me?"

She nodded. "If I have to."

Her ribs were excruciating and then there was that look on her mother's face that spoke of worry and the fact that she blamed herself, and Kate felt herself cave. "Okay," she said quietly. "Just one."

Johanna poured her a glass of water and then opened the prescription bottle and took out a pill and gave it to her. "Sit here at the table and I'll go fix the couch for you and then we'll put some ice packs on your ribs that should help until the medicine kicks in."

She was so tired and hurt so much that she gave in and accepted her mother's rule. She allowed her to direct her to a chair and then her mother bustled off to fix up the sofa for her. When Johanna was finished she came back for her and helped her stand and then walked her to the sofa and held onto her as she lowered herself down.

"You okay?" Johanna asked as Kate paused before attempting to lay down.

"Yeah, just trying to move slowly."

Johanna helped her shift around so she could lie down and then she sat down on the edge of the couch at her side and carefully lifted Kate's t-shirt to expose her bruised side. She winced as she took in the sight of the large black and purple bruises that littered her daughter's ribs.

"It's not as bad as it looks," Kate said as she caught the expression on her mother's eyes.

Johanna looked at her in disbelief and Kate managed a small smile for her. "Okay, so it is as bad as it looks…but it's not your fault."

"We're not going to agree on that, Katie; so there's no sense in arguing about it, especially at the moment when you're hurting so much."

Kate grabbed her mother's wrist as she rose from her place next to her. "I don't blame you," she told her, looking her in the eye as she said the words.

"But I do," Johanna stated and then she carefully removed her wrist from Kate's grip and went off to get the ice packs from the freezer.

She was back moments later, her raw emotions shoved aside as she set about tending to her daughter. She laid a thin dishtowel across the bruised area and then caught Kate's gaze. "You ready?" she asked as she picked up one of the ice packs.

"Yeah, go ahead."

Carefully, Johanna laid the ice pack against the top portion of the bruise and Kate did her best not to flinch from the sensation of coldness as it seeped through the towel.

"Okay?" Johanna asked.

"I'm fine."

Kate watched as her mother exercised caution once again in placing the second ice pack on the rest of the bruised area and she was hit with a sudden well of emotion.

Her mother had been sacrificing her sleep for the past two days to tend to her; doling out her medication, periodically checking her for signs that the concussion wasn't growing worse, and making every effort to make her as comfortable as possible. She didn't have to; she could've stepped back and allowed everyone else to swoop in and care for her but she didn't. Things had steadily grown better between them and the talk they had when she saw her scars had given them a shove forward in the area of progress; but that step in the right direction also served to remind Kate of the harshness she had treated her mother with when she first came home and then when she moved in with her. Her mother had taken everything she had thrown at her, she took the emotional punches, the distance, her anger, her silence and then as things progressed she had taken only what she offered her and made herself content with that, being cautious not to push too much or ask for more. It couldn't have been easy for her, Kate thought; and now as she watched her tend to her with the same loving care she always had in the past, she felt remorse.

It was a feeling she hadn't expected; it wasn't one she thought she'd ever have in regards to their situation, but there it was, rising to the surface and kicking beneath her skin, begging to be released and yet she held it back for the moment as she analyzed why it was there and why she was feeling it now; and within moments the answer became clear to her. Maybe she had been so busy concentrating on her own feelings that she hadn't taken into consideration the pain her mother must've lived with and endured for thirteen years. Maybe she hadn't allowed herself to truly look deep into her mother's eyes and see the hurt, guilt and anguish; the scars that littered her soul. Johanna Beckett had been through hell too, and she'd made it to the other side, just as she herself had and they were standing there together on the border of yesterday and tomorrow, looking back at the wreckage of their lives, trying to pick up pieces and move forward, hoping for something better than what they were living with in the present.

She'd been so harsh. She never even took a moment to tell her that she was relieved and grateful that she was alive, and she wondered, not for the first time, how her mother could take everything she had dished out and not lose an ounce of love for her. How could she keep giving so much to her, guiding her, taking care of her, when she hadn't even given her a few words that told her how glad she was that she was no longer a daughter without a mother.

Kate closed her eyes as she tried to hold back tears but a few broke free and slipped down her cheeks. She felt a soft hand at her face, wiping them away and she leaned into the feel of it.

"Does it hurt that badly, Katie?" her mother asked with concern. "Do you need to go to the doctor? Do you want me to call Lanie?"

She shook her head. "No, it's not that."

"What is it?" Johanna asked softly as she brushed a stray lock of hair back from Kate's face.

"You don't have to take care of me," she replied, a soft cry escaping from her throat, causing her to wince at the twinge it elicited in her ribs.

Kate saw a flash of hurt in Johanna's eyes and she knew that her mother had misunderstood.

"Who do you want me to call?" she asked; feeling her own emotions rising to the surface.

"No one."

"Someone has to take care of you," Johanna told her. "If you don't want me to do it than tell me who you want and I'll get them for you. Do you want your father?"

"No," Kate told her. "I want you. I want my mother."

Johanna looked at her, her tired eyes conveying her confusion. "But…"

"I just meant that you don't have to take care of me if you don't want to," she explained. "I wouldn't blame you."

"You're my daughter; why wouldn't I want to take care of you? That's what being a mother is all about, loving your child and taking care of them when they need you, and sometimes when they don't."

"But I haven't been good to you," Kate cried softly. "You came home for me and I treated you…"

"No," Johanna stated firmly. "You don't go feeling badly about that. You acted the way you're supposed to. I hurt you and you're angry and I understand that and it's more than justified."

"But I…I don't want you to think that I'm not glad that you're here…that you're okay."

"Honey, I know that," she said softly. "I'm not angry with you about any of that. I didn't allow myself to think about what I was going to walk into, about how you and your father would react. All I could think about was getting here and being with the two of you. In hindsight I knew better than to think it could be so easy, but I don't begrudge your reactions. I can't lie and say I wasn't hurt, because I was but I understand; I'm sure I would've reacted the same way you did if I had been in your shoes and I know that you've been giving me as much of yourself as you can give right now; I appreciate that and I cherish it because you don't owe me a damn thing, Katie."

"But I'm sorry…for some of it," she told her; not knowing why she needed to get that off her chest so badly when she hadn't even realized that it had been bothering her until now.

"You don't have to apologize to me," Johanna told her. "I'm the one who's supposed to do the apologizing here."

"You always told me that it was polite to take turns," Kate replied. "And you already took your turn."

She smiled softly. "If you're looking for forgiveness, Katie; you should know that you already have it. I could never hold any of that against you. Things are better between us now and that's all that matters, although even if they weren't I'd still tell you the same thing."

"But I just…I just wanted you to know that despite everything, I'm glad you're home."

Johanna nodded, a feeling of relief spreading across her heart. "I'm glad to be home too," she told her as she wiped away Kate's tears. "Now you rest. No more tears, they'll only make you hurt worse. We don't have to talk about it anymore right now. I think we've made enough peace with each other to be able to let it rest for now. We can hash it all out one day when the madness is gone and we're more able to cope with it. Right now let's just concentrate on getting you well."

Kate gave her a shaky smile. Her mother was giving her an out and she would take it, because she didn't want to delve any further into the topic at the moment and she didn't think her mother was feeling strong enough for it either. One day they'd sit down and talk about all of it; but for now, she felt that Johanna was right. They each had gotten something off their chests and there had been enough peace made to guide them through whatever was to come.

Johanna made sure Kate was comfortable and then she settled down in the chair and clicked on the television. She flipped the channels for a few minutes until she landed on a rerun of 'Bewitched'. "Do you still like this?" she asked; hoping to find something that would take Kate's mind off the pain.

She smiled. "Yeah, I still like all of these old shows."

"Me too," her mother replied as she laid the remote aside.

"I guess you probably watched all of these shows when they originally aired," Kate stated.

Johanna shot her a playful glare. "Is that a thinly veiled crack about my age, Katherine?"

She grinned, biting back the urge to laugh in deference to her throbbing ribs. "It wasn't meant to be one, but I guess now that you mention it…"

"Watch it," Johanna retorted; her eyes sparkling with amusement.

"Hey it's not my fault you were born the same year 'I Love Lucy' hit the airwaves. Blame your mother."

Johanna laughed. "Don't go thinking you're so smart. MASH was still on the air when you were born."

"I like that show, besides it isn't as old as the shows you grew up on. You've saw a lot of television in your time. I mean think about it," she teased.

"Alright," Johanna laughed, "That's enough out of you."

"Is it?"

"Yes, and just let me remind you that your father is older than me so if you want to imply that someone is old, you should save it for him."

"You want to remind me that he's older so you can feel better about yourself," Kate replied playfully.

"There's no law against that."

"None at all," she agreed.

They were quiet for awhile as they watched Elizabeth Montgomery twitch her nose and avoid catastrophe. A memory from childhood pushed forward in Kate's mind and she shifted her gaze towards her mother. "Do you remember in the summertime when I was a kid; we'd stay up late on Saturdays and watch these old shows together."

Johanna smiled fondly. "I remember. Sometimes we'd play games while we watched the marathons that one channel always had."

"And you'd make a big bowl of popcorn," Kate remembered, "And cherry kool-aid."

She nodded. "And you always wanted to drink it out of a wine glass so you'd feel grown up and sophisticated."

"Sometimes you'd let me," Kate grinned.

Johanna laughed. "I know, and then I'd worry that someone would look in the window and think I was letting you drink."

She chuckled lightly despite her best efforts not to and she felt a twinge shoot through her but she ignored it and pushed the conversation forward, needing the distraction. "Sometimes Dad would stay up with us if it was a show he liked."

"He's pickier about what he watches than we are."

"I know," she said and after a moment she added, "Those were fun times though…I always liked those nights when I got to stay up late with you."

"Those are some of my favorite memories too," Johanna replied softly.

Silence fell again and she watched as Kate shifted into a more comfortable position. "How are you feeling?" she asked.

"I think it's starting to let up some," Kate answered. "Keep talking to me; it keeps my mind off of it."

"What do you want to talk about?"

"I don't know," she admitted; thinking that she needed a light conversation that didn't require much concentration, like the one they'd been having. "What were Grandma's favorite shows?"

"My mother?" Johanna asked for clarification.

"Yeah."

"My mom loved the soaps," Johanna replied. "But you probably remember that."

She nodded, as she did recall her grandmother being a fan of soap operas, but she couldn't remember which ones. "Did she watch Temptation Lane?"

"Yes, but that wasn't her favorite. My mother was a huge fan of All My Children."

"Really?" Kate said with a quiet laugh.

"Oh yes, she loved Susan Lucci as Erica Kane. She even told me that if that show had been on the air when I was born, she would've named me Erica."

"I can't imagine you being named Erica," Kate replied.

Johanna laughed. "At the time I recall wishing that the show had been on at the time of my birth; I would've rather been an Erica than a Johanna."

"Maybe you're an 'Erica' in spirit," Kate teased. "I think you've had a few Erica Kane moments in your life."

"I have not," she replied in amusement. "Although I admit to admiring the character."

"I knew it."

"Hey, you like her too, don't deny it," Johanna told her. "We watched our share of episodes together, I know."

"Okay, guilty as charged," she admitted and then turned the topic back to her grandmother. "I remember that Grandma loved Dallas."

Johanna nodded. "Yes, that was her all time favorite, and you didn't dare try to call her when it was on; if you did, you better have a damn good reason or she was going to be ticked. I didn't think she was going to make it through that whole 'Who shot JR' saga."

"Was she caught up in the frenzy?"

"She couldn't stand it; and there was some sort of strike at the time so it was a long time before the answer was revealed and it just drove her crazy until she knew who did it."

Kate laughed softly. "She would've gotten along good with Castle."

"I have no doubt that she would've loved Rick," her mother replied.

"What did Grandpa watch?"

"He loved Perry Mason," Johanna answered; "And cop shows. My dad loved anything that had to do with cops. I don't know if you've ever seen some of the shows he watched, but I remember he liked Dragnet, Adam-12, SWAT. Later on he liked Hill Street Blues; but really he'd watch anything that had to do with cops and lawyers."

Kate was quiet for a moment as she thought about that statement as she watched her mother rub her fingers across that emerald ring on her right hand.

"What do you think he'd think of me being a cop?" she asked.

That was a hard question, Johanna thought to herself. On one hand she thought that knowing Frank McKenzie he wouldn't have approved of his granddaughter being a cop. It was possible that he would've found that an unsuitable career choice for a woman and would've told her exactly what he thought of her decision. But on the other hand, Frank had loved Kate with a depth that she hadn't thought him capable of having and that love might have led him to be proud of her and the choice she had made. There wasn't a clear cut answer, but she knew the one she would give her. She'd give her the one she deserved to hear.

"He'd be so proud of you," Johanna told her.

"You think so?"

"Yes. He loved you very much, Katie."

There was a question lingering in the back of her mind, one she debated about bringing up but finally she caught her mother's eye and allowed it to be asked.

"Why didn't you ever tell me about Grandpa?"

Johanna held her gaze. "Tell you what?"

"How bad it was for you," Kate said quietly. "How he treated you."

She dropped her gaze and rubbed her fingers across the emerald stone in her ring. "Who told you?" she asked; wondering if Rick had gone back on his word after that conversation they had when she had told him a little about her father.

"Dad told me."

"Why?"

"Because we were talking one day and Grandpa came up in the conversation and I asked him why he never seemed to like him and he told me."

"He shouldn't have."

"Why?" Kate asked. "Looking back at some of the things I remember, I realize that things were obviously tense between the two of you sometimes but you had never really told me anything about it. You'd never say much when I'd ask about your relationship with him."

"There's a reason for that," Johanna said; her tone void of the lightness it had held earlier.

"What?"

"I didn't want you to know."

"But why?"

"Because you loved him and I didn't want to diminish him in your eyes. He was a wonderful grandfather to you and that was all that mattered."

"That's not all that matters," Kate responded. "Obviously something was wrong between the two of you. What was it?"

"I don't know. I guess he just didn't care for me."

"You were his daughter; how could he not care for you?"

"Kate," Johanna said; her voice low but firm. "I don't want to talk about this. I…I just can't go there right now and I'm not going to. I'm not going to have this conversation tonight."

"Can we have that conversation one day?"

Johanna shrugged. "If your father already told you about it than there probably isn't anything left to say about it."

"I haven't heard you tell it. You lived it; I want to hear your story."

"It's not a good bedtime story, Katie. Change the subject."

She allowed the topic to drop as silence descended between them. Obviously her mother still had secrets; there were still parts of her life that were unknown to her; and she wanted to know. Perhaps knowing and understanding her mother would lead to a greater understanding of herself. Her gaze flicked back to her mother's face and she studied her expression as she continued to play with her ring. Maybe she had never realized before that her mother had her own demons that she wrestled with. Maybe there was something more to Johanna McKenzie Beckett than met the eye; something more than being the mother of Kate; the wife of Jim, the lawyer who cared about truth and justice. Maybe she still had a lot to learn, Kate thought to herself.

"I didn't mean to upset you," she told Johanna.

Her mother seemed to shake off whatever it was that she was thinking about and she smiled softly. "You didn't. It's just not something that's easy to talk about, especially right now, with you being hurt and my heart being twisted into a million little knots because of it. It's a topic better left for another time."

She nodded as she read between the lines. Johanna couldn't talk about it now because she was wrestling with her own feelings of failure as a parent, and because her emotions were already stirred up enough. She needed to have control of herself when she talked about her father, she needed to be able to detach herself from it and Kate couldn't judge her for that, how could she when she was the same way? She still had secrets of her own, things that she still wasn't ready to talk about, feelings she still wasn't quite able to vocalize.

They settled into silence, allowing the television to provide their distraction, although Johanna kept a steady vigil on her daughter from the corner of her eye. She knew the pain medicine was kicking in as Kate's eyes were beginning to flutter rapidly and she was shifting around as if she were trying to find a more comfortable spot.

"What are you trying to do, Katie?" she asked quietly.

"I want on my side," she replied sleepily. "But I don't want to twist too much and I don't want to take the ice off yet."

Johanna rose from her seat and went to her. She lifted the ice packs from the bruised area and set them aside for the moment. She slid her hand behind Kate's back.

"Sit up," she told her.

Kate slowly sat up with her mother's help and then looked at her for further instruction. "Now shift your weight to your right hip and then lay down."

She followed her instructions and managed to turn on her side as she wanted with barely any discomfort and then when she was settled, Johanna rearranged the towel and resituated the ice packs so they'd stay in place.

"Try and sleep now, Katie," Johanna said softly as she ran her hand over Kate's hair.

She nodded and allowed her eyes to close as waves of sleepiness washed over her. Once she was asleep, Johanna moved back to the chair and settled in for the rest of the night; intent on watching over her daughter once again.

---

Jim rolled over and in his sleep he reached for his wife, but his hand came in contact with empty space instead of the warm figure he had been seeking. He jerked awake, a brief flicker of panic swimming through him as his disoriented mind feared that she was gone…as she had been for thirteen years. The haze cleared, allowing him to realize that he was in Kate's guest room and that the sheets smelled of Johanna's perfume and soap. His eyes scanned the room for her, but she wasn't in sight. He glanced at the clock, it read 4:07. He threw back the covers and got out of bed, intent on finding her.

He opened the bedroom door and stepped into the hallway; his eyes straying towards Kate's open doorway. His daughter was absent from her bed too. He made his way up the hallway; the light from the living room guiding him, wondering what it was that had dragged his girls from their beds. Was it insomnia? Was something wrong, and they had refrained from sharing it with him? He breathed a small sigh of relief as he entered the room. Kate appeared to be asleep on the couch and the back of Johanna's head was visible in the chair. He moved forward quietly, taking care not to disturb his daughter. He rounded the chair, his sudden presence startling Johanna and causing her to jump.

"I didn't mean to scare you," he whispered as he reached out and brushed his fingers against her cheek.

"It's alright," she replied. "What are you doing up?"

"I could ask you the same question."

"I asked you first," Johanna said; a hint of teasing in her voice.

Jim smiled. "I was looking for you. I rolled over and you weren't there."

"Sorry," she answered; as she hadn't thought he'd notice her absence. "I heard Katie up moving around and I got up to see what was wrong."

"When was that?"

"About 1:30. She couldn't sleep, she kept rolling onto her side and it had her ribs hurting pretty badly."

"Did you make her take the pain medicine?"

"She didn't want to but we compromised and I managed to get one pill in her."

"How long has she been asleep now?"

"Since three."

"Then she's probably settled for the rest of the night," Jim said as he glanced at Kate and then back to Johanna. "Why don't you come on back to bed and try to sleep a little more?"

She shook her head. "No, I'll stay here with her, in case she needs me."

"She can always come knock on the door."

Johanna glanced up at her husband with a skeptical look. "But she won't, just like if I hadn't heard her, she'd still be walking the floors thinking she could will the pain away without any help."

"You can't stay up all night long every night, Jo."

"Who said I was?"

He smiled indulgently. "I know how you are when it comes to your baby…even if she is all grown up."

She reached for his hand and took it. "I'd stay up with you all night if you needed me."

"I know you would; but you need your rest too."

"I'm fine," she assured. "I'll catch up on my sleep when she's feeling better."

"You know, I could stay up with her if she needs someone," Jim stated. "Or one phone call and Rick would come running to take over for awhile."

She sighed. "It's not bad enough that she needs a whole team looking after her. I'll suffice."

He smiled at her, his eyes shining with a touch of amusement. "I think you're being stubborn."

"Me?" she asked with a teasing grin. "When have you ever known me to be stubborn, Jim Beckett?"

He chuckled softly and then leaned down and captured her lips in a kiss. "Only every day since the day I met you."

Johanna smiled coyly. "I wasn't stubborn that day."

"Alright, I'll give you that one," he replied with a grin. "But you were sassy; that's how you ended up with your nickname."

She laughed. "Jeff enjoyed that little show, didn't he?"

"He enjoyed the whole fiasco of our relationship back then."

"You know, I've always wished that I had been born Jeff's sister," she stated. "Jeff always treated me better than my own brother did sometimes."

He brushed the backs of his fingers along her cheek once again. "In Jeff's mind, you are his sister; the lack of blood relation doesn't matter to him."

She was quiet for a moment as she thought about her old friend. "Do you think he'll forgive me?" she asked quietly.

Jim wanted so badly to tell her that Jeff knew she was alive; to let her know that he was the one person who hadn't shown feelings of anger and betrayal once the news had been broken, but he couldn't, not right now anyway. Not with Kate asleep on the sofa. All he needed was for her to wake up while he was confessing to Johanna that his best friend knew their secret. He'd have to keep that knowledge from his wife for awhile longer.

"I don't think you need to worry," he told her instead.

"You don't?"

He shook his head. "No. I think he's missed you as much as the rest of us."

"I miss him too."

"You know how Jeff is," Jim said. "He's pretty understanding with the people who mean the most to him…with the exception of his ex-wife that is."

She smiled. "I hope you're right."

"When have I ever been wrong?" he teased.

"Oh I can think of a few times if you really want me to."

"That's alright, I'll pass."

"That's what I thought."

He tugged on her hand. "Come on, come back to bed with me."

Johanna shook her head. "No, I'm staying put. You go on, you have your job to finish up tomorrow…or I guess I should say today."

"I can get out of it," he replied. "I can stay up and keep you company."

She smiled. "No, you go finish your work. We'll be fine."

"See what I mean," he said, bending down to steal another kiss. "Stubborn."

"You wouldn't want me any other way," she informed him.

"At the moment I might prefer you to be a little more docile."

"Docile is boring," she told him as he gave up and began his retreat back to the bedroom.

"I think boring might be nice for a change," he replied before disappearing from sight.

Johanna glanced at her sleeping daughter and then down at her hands. She knew Jim hadn't meant anything by that comment other than that boring would be nice in light of the situation they were in now, but still it pricked her tender feelings and played on her sensitivities and she forced herself to blink back the tears that welled in her eyes. She had to hold it together, she had promised Kate that she would and she wouldn't let her down.

---

The next afternoon, Kate sat on the sofa, trying to be as quiet as possible. Johanna had fallen asleep in the chair an hour before; her glasses still perched on her nose and her book in her hand. She knew her mother was exhausted from her nightly vigils and caretaking and she was reluctant to do anything that would disturb her sleep. Her mother's nap time however served to bring home the fact that she was bored…very bored.

She sighed and reached over the arm of the sofa for the remote which was lying on the stand. She thought she had a grip on it but it fell from her fingers, clattering to the floor between the sofa and the stand. She froze, her gaze straying to Johanna. She hadn't even flinched. She was grateful for that, but now she had another problem; the remote had landed towards the back of the area between the two pieces of furniture and she wasn't going to be able to get it without twisting or lying over the arm of the sofa. She frowned; neither of those actions would do her ribs any good, the remote would have to stay where it was until her mother woke up.

She cautiously and quietly rose from the sofa, the thought of aggravating her ribs reminding her of the dull ache that was making a nuisance of itself. She went into the kitchen and grabbed the bottle of Advil from the counter, only to be confronted with another problem. With her wrist wrapped to avoid further injury, she couldn't grasp the bottle the right way so she could twist the cap with her other hand; and she couldn't twist the cap well enough if she switched hands to have a better grip. Kate sighed and set the bottle aside. It wasn't that bad, she could deal with it for awhile. She moved back to the living room, taking a moment to observe her mother before she slowly made her way towards her.

Carefully she lifted Johanna's glasses from her face, and then after waiting a moment to see if the action would wake her, she gently removed the book from her hand and marked her page. She laid the book and her glasses on the coffee table and turned her attention back to her once again. She couldn't be comfortable, sleeping in that chair. She'd rest better in her bed but she was reluctant to wake her and suggest that she move. She knew that once Johanna's eyes opened, that would be the end of it; she'd force herself to stay awake just to keep an eye on her. Kate stepped away from her, letting her be as she didn't have a solution to the problem. If her father had been there, he would've carried her to her bed, but she was sure that her mother would be awake long before he arrived.

Suddenly a thought flicked through her mind and she smiled. She had a solution to her mother's sleeping arrangements and a solution for her boredom. She grabbed her phone from the stand and quietly crept past Johanna and made her way to her bedroom, where she shut the door and took a seat on the bed. He was supposed to be writing but she knew he wouldn't mind her distracting him. She hit one on the speed dial and waited for Castle to answer.

"You okay?" Castle asked as soon as he answered.

"I'm as fine as I can be," she replied. "I have a question for you."

"And what may that be?" he asked lightly.

"You're strong, aren't you?"

He was quiet for a moment. "What do you want moved?"

She laughed, and then groaned as the action hurt her.

"Don't laugh, Kate," he said, his voice betraying that he was smiling, despite how seriously he took her injuries. "It'll hurt."

"Thanks for stating the obvious, Castle," she replied as a smile tugged at her own lips.

"Wasn't there a movie or a book or something that was called 'It Only Hurts When I Laugh?" he asked.

"It sounds familiar, and who ever wrote that line, lied. It hurts with and without laughter."

"So what do you need moved today, Kate?" he asked again.

"My mother," she answered.

"Is she driving you crazy?"

"No," she replied, wisely refraining from laughing. "She fell asleep in the chair."

"And?"

"And I think she'd be more comfortable in her bed."

"So why don't you wake her and tell her to go to bed?"

"Because, if I wake her, she'll stay awake instead of going back to sleep. She's exhausted, I want her to rest."

"So what do you want me to do?"

"I want you to come over and pick her up out of the chair and carry her to her room."

"Is that all?" he teased.

"I think it's easy enough for you to accomplish," she replied lightly.

"Don't you think that will wake her?"

"No; I dropped the remote and it bounced off the stand and onto the floor and she didn't even flinch. She's out. Dad always carried her to bed when she'd fall asleep downstairs, she never seemed to notice."

"And what about you? Did Jim have to carry you around?"

She smiled. "Plenty of times. I'm surprised he doesn't have back problems. So will you do this for me?"

"I don't know…"

"What's wrong, Castle? Don't you think you're strong enough to pick her up? She's probably only a size bigger than me…but then again, I guess you do struggle when you pick me up so maybe you're not very strong after all…maybe I better call someone else…maybe Ryan or Esposito."

"I do not struggle when I pick you up!" he exclaimed defensively and Kate smiled in satisfaction.

"I don't want you to strain yourself. I'll call one of the guys."

"You'll do no such thing! I can pick her up without any trouble at all."

"If you're sure," she said lightly. "I would appreciate it."

"Of course I'm sure," Castle said; not even realizing that he had been played. "Do you need me to bring you anything, since I'm coming over?"

"I could really go for a milkshake."

He laughed. "What flavor are you craving today, Detective?"

"Strawberry."

"And do you want a burger and fries to go with that?" he inquired; as he had never seen Kate have a milkshake without a burger and some fries.

Kate grinned. "Now that you mention it, that does sound good."

"Any other issues I can help you with?"

"I'm bored."

"So you not only want me to move your mother and feed you; you also want me to entertain you?" Castle said.

"Isn't entertainment part of your job description?" she teased.

Castle chuckled. "I'm starting to get the picture here; you want a slave and a court jester."

She laughed, and suffered through the following twinge. "But not just any slave and court jester; I'm requesting a ruggedly handsome one."

"Detective," he said with amusement and she could just imagine the boyish grin on his lips. "When you say things like that I get all warm and tingly."

"So you're going to take the job as my ruggedly handsome slave and court jester?" she teased.

"It depends," he said, adding suspicion to his tone. "What else is in the job description?"

"I need the Advil bottle opened."

"Are you in pain?" he asked; concern making it's way into his tone.

"Just a dull ache," Kate replied. "It's nothing I can't manage."

"You'll be alright until I get there?"

"Yes; I'm fine. I just want to take something before it gets worse because you know I don't like to take those pain pills."

"Anything else?"

"Yeah."

"What?"

"After you're finished showing off how strong you are by picking up my mother; I'd appreciate it if you could pick up my remote."

He couldn't help but laugh. "You're just in a hell of a shape over there, aren't you."

"It's a shame," Kate said, "It really is."

"How long has Johanna been asleep?"

"Oh, it's been a little over an hour now."

"An hour? Your mother leaves you unattended for only an hour and you've already ended up in this sorry state?"

A light laugh bubbled up within her. "You better come rescue me, Castle. God only knows what might become of me in the second hour."

"I'm on my way," he told her. "I'll call from the hallway so I don't have to knock and wake her."

"I'll be here," she said, "Waiting like the damsel I am at the moment."

"It figures the one time you're a damsel calling out for a ruggedly handsome knight in shining armor that my white horse would be in the shop," he quipped.

Kate laughed despite herself. "I don't mind a knight in a Ferrari."

"Then I guess it's a good thing I've kept the boys waiting for their compensation," he replied before promising to get there as soon as possible.

---

A short time later, Kate's phone buzzed with a text message telling her he was outside her door. She quietly undid the locks and opened the door.

"Have no fear, Castle is here," he said quietly, a smug grin on his lips that she couldn't help but smile at as she allowed him into the apartment.

"What all did you bring?" she asked as she took notice of the bags dangling from his arm, as he held the cup holder containing two milkshakes in his one hand.

"Two bags are our lunch," he answered as they moved into the kitchen. "I got enough for your mom in case she was awake before I got here," he said, sitting the milkshakes on the table and removing the bags from his arm. "The other bag is some movies I selected from my collection, for your entertainment."

"Covering the bases?"

"I take my job as a ruggedly handsome slave and court jester, very seriously," he remarked as he reached for the bottle of Advil on the counter. "And since you're placing yourself in my care, first things first," he said as he opened the bottle and shook out two tablets for her.

"Thank you," she said softly as she accepted them, her eyes not meeting his.

"Needing a little help isn't anything to be ashamed of, Kate."

"I know," she said after swallowing the medicine. "It's just…difficult to accept, especially when I'm not hurt all that badly and yet I still seem to be incapacitated in some ways."

He gently pulled her into an embrace. "It's okay. You'll be back to yourself soon enough."

She nodded and smiled as she pulled back and met his gaze. "What next?" he asked.

"My mother," she said; beckoning him to follow her back to the living room.

He smiled at the sight of Johanna curled up in the chair, sound asleep, seemingly oblivious to the world around her. He imagined that had to be a relief for her. She seemed to be holding herself together in the face of Kate's accident and the emotional conversation that Kate had told him they'd had; but he knew that somewhere inside, Johanna must be suffering and in turmoil.

"Do you think you can do it?" she asked.

He nodded and carefully slipped an arm around her back, and one behind her knees and gently lifted her from the chair. He stayed still for a moment to see if Johanna would react to the movement but she didn't stir and he caught Kate's eye and grinned as she mouthed, 'Good job.'

He followed behind Kate as she led him to the guest room, where she pulled back the covers on the bed. He cautiously placed Johanna in her bed and Kate pulled the covers up over her before they crept silently from the room, closely the door softly as they went.

After they had ate and he had picked up her remote and popped a movie into the DVD player, they settled onto the couch together, Kate nestling comfortably into his side.

"Let's see," he said, "I moved your mother, medicated you, fed you, picked up the remote and am now in the process of entertainment. Anything else I can do for you? Do you need me to give you a free check-up?"

She smirked at him. "No, thanks."

"Sponge bath?"

"I'm capable of bathing myself," Kate told him.

"What about your wrist? It's all bandaged."

"I take the bandage off while I get a shower and then my mother re-wraps it."

"It would be more fun my way," he told her, a mischievous grin on his lips.

"I'm sure it would be," she said. "But since I don't live alone, I'll pass on the experience…for now."

"For now?" he asked, surprise tingeing his tone.

She smiled at him, her eyes sparkling with amusement but said nothing.

"Tease."

She laughed softly, the Advil killing the ache in her side enough to allow her to do so. "Guess you'll just have to wait and see if that comes true," she told him.

"Oh well," he said. "At least I have you where I want you now."

Her brow rose. "And where would that be?"

He grinned. "Helpless and dependent upon me, and all to myself while your mother catches up on her beauty sleep."

Kate smiled. "I feel like the two of you are competing for me."

Castle shook his head. "I swear I'm not trying to compete with her," he said seriously. "I just try to give her a break because I can tell she's tired but she just doesn't want to share you…not that I can blame her."

She kissed his cheek. "Thank you for being understanding of her."

"No problem. I'm just trying to do my share and look after you both."

"I have to go back to the doctor tomorrow to be re-checked," Kate told him.

"You want me to take you?"

"Yes, but there's a small problem."

"What?"

"My Dad has claimed that job."

"You don't want him to take you?"

"No," she sighed. "But I feel like I can't tell him no especially after we didn't call him, but I know if he takes me, he'll take me straight to the doctor and straight back home. With you, you'll let me stay out a bit longer…and I need to get out a little."

"So what's the plan?" he asked.

"I want you to come over in the morning. If I can manage to make a trade where he stays with her and you go with me, I will. If not, I'd appreciate it if you stay here with my mother. I'm leery about leaving her on her own just yet."

Castle nodded. "I can do that."

"Thanks," she said softly, and he shifted to press a kiss to her lips.

"You sure you don't want to play doctor with me?" he teased.

She laughed. "I thought you didn't like doctors, Castle."

"I like some doctor's. I like Lanie; but you've never had a consultation with Doctor Castle," he told her. "My bedside manner is excellent."

"I don't doubt that, but maybe some other time."

"Alright, if you don't want to play doctor, I guess I could be your naughty nurse," he stated suggestively.

"I thought you were being my slave and court jester."

"I am, and your knight in a Ferrari," he replied "But I'm multi-talented, Beckett. I can be lots of things for you."

She smiled and then kissed him once again. "How about you just be my writer, my partner and my…Castle," she said finally when she couldn't think of how else to classify him without wading into waters she wasn't feeling strong enough to swim in at the moment.

He smiled fondly. "I shall always be your Castle."

"I'll be your Kate," she replied.

"Couldn't ask for anything more," he told her as he held her close.

She laid her head on his shoulder and turned her attention to the movie, content to just be with him.

"If you need to go to sleep," he said seriously, "You go ahead. I'm here, I'll look after everything. You just rest."

She nodded against him. "Thank you, Rick."

"Always."

---

Johanna jerked awake, her eyes darting around the room in confusion as she took in her surroundings. She could've sworn that she had been in the living room. She looked down at herself, pulling the sheet back to examine her clothes; they were the same ones she remembered having on…so how had she ended up in her bed?

She sat up and shook her head, as if it would rid her mind of the hazy cobwebs that were inhabiting it. She listened, the apartment sounded quiet and for whatever reason that unnerved her slightly and she got out of bed and swiftly made her way to the bedroom door.

"Katie," she called out as she stepped into the hallway.

"In the living room," her daughter called back.

Her unease settled and she made the trek to the living room and found her daughter sitting on the sofa, nestled into her partner's side. She said nothing about that as she dropped into her chair and caught her eye.

"I think I'm losing my mind," she said to Kate.

"Why's that?"

"I don't remember going to bed," Johanna replied.

Kate chuckled lightly. "That's because you fell asleep in the chair."

"That still leaves the question of how I got into bed."

"Castle carried you," she told her.

"And I didn't even drop you once," Castle teased as Johanna's gaze shifted to him.

She laughed. "I appreciate that. Did she make you come over here to move me?"

"She didn't make me," he replied. "She just gave me this sad tale of woe about herself and how she wanted you to be comfortable while you got your beauty sleep."

Kate rolled her eyes. "Like I really had to beg you to come over."

"What was this sad tale of woe, Rick?" Johanna asked lightly.

"The usual sad tale; I'm bored, I'm hungry, I need a milkshake, carry my mother, pick up my remote," he said in a dramatic whining tone.

Kate smacked his chest. "It was not like that at all."

"It was," he told Johanna. "I should've recorded it."

She shot him a teasing look. "I'm sure you enjoyed coming to her rescue."

"It has been the highlight of my day," he remarked. "Although she did decline my offer of a free check up."

She smacked him again as Johanna laughed. "Don't say things like that to my mother!"

He looked at her in mock surprise. "Why, Katherine Beckett, I do believe your mind is in the gutter once again. I assure you and your mother that my intentions were pure."

"Castle, you probably haven't had a pure thought since you were five," Kate remarked.

"Can you believe she's accusing me of such things?" he asked Johanna.

Johanna grinned. "All of you men claim to have pure intentions and it's always a lie."

Castle eyed her with mischief. "Who lied to you about having pure intentions, Johanna?"

"I shouldn't say."

"Come on," he said, "You can tell us. At least give us a hint."

"I married him," she laughed.

"I had a feeling that was the answer," Kate stated, her eyes sparkling with amusement.

"Well then," Castle said, "You have no right to complain; the evidence shows that you must not have minded his true intentions."

"What evidence?" Johanna asked.

"This evidence," he answered as he pointed to Kate. "Undisputable proof that you went along with it."

Kate couldn't help but laugh as her mother's cheeks flushed red as she covered her face with her hand, a light laugh of her own escaping her lips.

"Can't deny it now, can you?" Castle teased.

"I guess I can't," Johanna replied. "But for the record, I was drinking that night."

Castle laughed as Kate's mouth fell open in surprise before she managed to catch her mother's eye. "You don't know which night it happened!" she accused.

"Actually," Johanna said; her eyes everywhere but her daughter's face, "I'm pretty sure I know which one it was…or at least I have it narrowed down to a specific weekend."

"Must've been a memorable occasion," Castle laughed.

"Great, I'm the product of a drunken night…or weekend, whichever it was," Kate remarked.

"I wasn't drunk," Johanna said.

"You said you were drinking," she reminded her.

"I was, but I wasn't drunk."

"What were you drinking?" Castle asked.

"Do we really want to talk about this?" Johanna asked.

"Yes," Castle replied.

She looked to Kate. "Well you kind of opened the door for it," she told her. "And now, even though I don't want to know…I kind of have to know."

"Tell us what you were drinking, Johanna," Castle taunted.

"What does it matter?"

"It can be very telling."

She rolled her eyes, reminding him of Kate once more. "It was champagne, Rick."

"Oh, champagne," he said, his face a light with mischief. "You must've been celebrating something."

"Oh God," Kate groaned. "I should've stopped this conversation."

"It's not too late," Johanna remarked.

"It is," she said. "Look at him, his eyes are all shiny and his ears are tuned to listen. He won't rest until he gets the rest of the story."

"I'll cover your ears," Castle told her.

"Why bother, you'll just insist on telling me later anyway."

"Was it New Years Eve?" he asked.

"Castle, I was born in November, it couldn't have been New Years Eve," Kate stated. "It would've had to have been in…oh no," she said as she counted backwards. "No, don't tell me."

Johanna laughed but said nothing.

"What?" Castle asked, "What is it?"

Neither woman said a word so he quickly did the math for himself. "That would be…February. What's wrong with February?" he asked and then he remembered a certain detail. "Oh."

"It wasn't my birthday," Johanna stated, deciding to put her daughter out of her misery.

"You're not just saying that, are you?" Kate asked.

"No. I swear."

"Valentine's Day?" Castle suggested.

"No."

"February's a short month, Johanna," he teased.

"I don't remember the exact date! I just know when it wasn't."

"So if you weren't celebrating your birthday or Valentine's Day, what was it?" he asked.

"You want the truth?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Alright, fine. We were going to Pennsylvania for a three day weekend because my mother-in-law's sister was having a family reunion of sorts for her birthday."

"Which sister?" Kate interrupted to ask.

"Theresa."

"The scary one? The one who thought she could cast spells on people?"

Johanna nodded. "That's the one."

Castle held up a hand. "I want that story later," he said and when she nodded he added, "Go on."

"I didn't want to go, not only because Elizabeth and I didn't get along, but because Theresa was even worse and as Kate said, scary. As we were driving through Pennsylvania, Jim took a wrong turn and we ended up on the wrong side of the state. So we had to get directions and it was getting dark and we were too far away to get back on track so we had to go stay in a hotel. He's always accused me of letting him take that wrong turn on purpose."

"Did you?" Kate asked.

"No; I didn't plan it…I may have noticed when he did it and not said anything…because you know how he hates to have someone give him directions while he's driving and convinced that he knows where he's going. I was really doing him a favor by not bringing it up. We would've argued about it and still been lost, so what was the point in telling him?"

Kate laughed. "So you are somewhat guilty."

"I suppose in a small way you could say that," she laughed. "But that's just between us."

"How did champagne enter the picture?" Castle asked.

"I was thrilled that there was going to be one less day that I'd have to stay with Elizabeth and Theresa so I ordered a bottle of champagne from room service to celebrate my good fortune," Johanna told him.

Kate shook her head. "I came from a champagne induced night in a hotel room on the wrong side of Pennsylvania."

"You make it sound so cheap," Johanna replied. "Personally I think it all worked out for the best. The next morning we were snowed in and by the time we got out it was time to head back home. I got to skip the reunion and I got a beautiful baby girl nine months later…that couldn't have worked out better if I had planned it."

Castle laughed. "Now I know the Kate Beckett origin story."

"I guess it could've been worse," she said. "At least I wasn't created in the backseat of the car."

"I'm not that kind of girl," Johanna replied with a laugh; her cheeks still stained red with embarrassment.

A thought occurred to Kate then and she shot a glance at her mother. "Wait…is that why Dad calls me 'Wrong Way Katie' every once in awhile?"

"Wrong Way Katie!" Castle exclaimed.

Johanna laughed and nodded. "When I was pregnant and narrowed down the time frame, he started calling you our 'wrong way baby'. Then after you were born he made it 'Wrong way Katie'. When you'd cry in the middle of the night, he'd say to me, 'There goes wrong way Katie again,'."

Castle was laughing so hard that there were tears in his eyes and Kate grabbed a hold of his ear. "You ever tell anyone what you just heard in this room and I will hurt you, understand?"

He nodded. "I understand…but I'm going to be laughing about it for weeks."

She glanced at her mother. "See what you've done."

"I'm sorry," Johanna said. "Let's change the subject now…please."

"There's food from Remy's in the fridge," Kate said. "Castle brought extra for you."

"Thank you," she told him. "I guess I owe you one for looking after us today."

"It's on the house," he said with a dismissive wave. "I mean we're practically family after all."

"Are we?" Johanna asked.

He nodded. "You're like my…muse-in-law."

The ladies chuckled. "What does that mean?" she asked Kate.

"It probably means he's writing you into a book."

"Who would want to read about me?" Johanna laughed.

"Same people who read about Kate," Castle answered. "Not that I'm confirming or denying this rumor that there is a new character in Nikki's life."

"That pretty much says it all," Kate stated.

Castle was enjoying teasing Johanna too much to let it stop now, and Kate seemed to be relaxed and enjoying herself, her injuries and the investigation obviously far from her mind.

"If there is a new character, who may or may not sound a lot like you," he stated mischievously, "I'm thinking I would name her Elizabeth."

"Don't you dare!" Johanna said as she glared at him playfully.

"It's not just Grandma's name," Kate replied. "It's your middle name too."

She shook her head. "No. She better not be named Elizabeth."

"Alright," Castle said as he pretended to think. "How about Melanie?"

Johanna's eyes went wide and Kate choked on her laughter as Castle had obviously recalled the story she had told him about her mother and her hatred of Melanie Thompson.

"I will hurt you," Johanna told him; her eyes narrowed and a knowing smirk on her lips.

"You don't have time to hurt me," Castle said. "You're too busy threatening members of the NYPD."

"I'm going to smack Ryan just for telling everyone about that," Johanna remarked.

"I'll call and tell him he has something new to look forward to."

"You do and I'll smack you too," she retorted.

"You like me too much to smack me," he teased.

"Don't press your luck, Rick," Johanna replied, her eyes gleaming with mischief. "I've smacked a few faces in my time."

"Hmm," Castle said as he studied her. "I take it you got pinched a lot in the 70's."

She laughed. "Once or twice."

"That's what happens when you run around in short shorts," Kate remarked.

Johanna pointed a finger at Kate. "I can smack you too if I have to."

"But you won't," she scoffed.

"So if I can't name my rumored new character Elizabeth or Melanie, what can I name her?" Castle asked bringing the topic around.

"Don't give her a stripper name like you did to me," Kate replied.

"Nikki Heat is not a stripper name," he stated.

"Yes it is," Kate replied and then she glanced at her mother, "Don't you think so?"

"No comment," she said.

"That really means she agrees with me," Castle said.

Kate laughed. "If that's what you want to think."

"Alright, if you could have any name you wanted as a kid, what would it have been?" he asked Johanna.

"I don't know. When I was a kid I would've preferred anything that sounded better than Johanna Elizabeth."

"Name her Erica," Kate said as she caught her mother's eye and winked.

"Erica?" he said, a slight hint of disdain in his tone.

"What's wrong with Erica?" Johanna demanded to know.

He glanced at her, sensed there was a secret between mother and daughter that had to do with the significance of that name and said cautiously, "You like Erica?"

She nodded. "Yes, I do."

"I like it too," Kate said before he could look to her.

He nodded and resigned himself to the thought that Nikki Heat's aunt would be named Erica. "Erica it is," he stated. "That is of course if I have need of a name for a new character."

Kate looked to Johanna, "There's going to be an Erica, take my word for it. I know him, he can't resist."

---

Hours later, after evening had set in and dinner had been eaten; Kate followed Castle into the hallway and pulled the door shut behind her. "Thanks for coming to my rescue," she told him softly, a light smile on her face.

"Anytime," he said. "Next time I'll come on a white horse."

She laughed. "I hope someone gets pictures of that."

He chuckled and then looked at her seriously. "Better yet, let's just hope that you're never in a position where you get hurt again."

"I wish I could promise you I won't, but…"

"I know."

Kate didn't know what to say to make it better; maybe there was nothing she could say. She moved closer, laying her hand against his cheek and then kissed him tenderly, hoping that gesture would speak for all the things she didn't know how to say. The look in his eyes told her he understood and she did her best to smile as she wrapped her arms around him.

He wanted to wrap her in his embrace as tightly as possible but he kept his hold light, keeping in mind that squeezing her too hard would hurt her. "Promise me that as soon as you're better, I can hug you the way I really want to," he said quietly.

"I promise. I'll even let you have first dibs."

He chuckled softly. "Good, because I really don't want to have to fight your mother."

She giggled. "Yeah, I don't blame you…if she thinks she can take Ryan, she can probably take you."

"Hey," he said as she slipped out of his arms. "I'm your strong ruggedly handsome slave and court jester, how dare you imply that a girl can beat me up."

"Castle, I could be beat you up if I wanted."

"Yeah but you're trained for it. What's your mother been trained for? Brownie baking?"

"My mother has a temper, and you do not want to provoke it," she laughed.

"But now I'm curious about it," he said; acting as though he were contemplating pushing Johanna's buttons.

"Castle, she's Irish and Italian, the explosions are not pretty."

"Irish and Italian," he repeated. "Interesting."

"Learning all kinds of new things today, aren't you?"

"I should just come over here and sit the two of you down and force you both to tell me your life stories," he stated. "I think you're holding out on me."

"We can't spoil the mystery by telling you everything at once," Kate told him.

He smirked and then stole another kiss from her. "What time should I be here tomorrow?"

"Around ten."

"I'll be here. Sweet dreams, Detective."

She smiled. "We can only hope."

"I'd tell you to dream of me," he told her, "But chances are those dreams would be naughty."

Kate rolled her eyes. "Goodnight, Rick."

"Goodnight," he laughed and then he waited until she was inside and he had heard the sound of the locks clicking into place before walking away.

---

"What are you primping for?" Kate asked Johanna the next morning.

"So I can go with you to the doctor," she replied.

"You're not going. You're staying here, I already told you that last night."

"Yes, well, I overlooked that statement because it was three in the morning and you were hurting. I didn't think you meant it."

"No, you were hoping I didn't mean it, but I do."

"Why?"

"Because there's no need to make this a family affair," Kate stated. "Dad's taking me, you can stay here."

"I'm going," Johanna insisted.

"She said that you're not going, Johanna," Jim stated.

"Who's side are you on?"

"At the moment, I'm on hers," he replied. "I'm her father; I'm capable of taking her to the doctor. I've done it before."

She frowned, trying to ignore the sting she felt because she had a feeling he was referring to the appointments she would've had after her shooting. She didn't really believe that he was implying anything by the statement; she knew she was just being sensitive and she forced herself to brush it off. "That doesn't mean I can't go along."

"You're staying here," Kate remarked. "Castle is coming over to keep you company."

"I don't need a babysitter."

Kate smiled. "He's not coming to babysit, he's here to make sure you don't beat up Ryan and Esposito if they stop by."

Johanna smirked at her. "Funny."

"I know, I'd laugh but it'll hurt."

"And you overdid it yesterday with the laughing," Johanna remarked.

"I know, but it was worth it. We had fun didn't we? Castle kept us entertained."

"You're trying to change the subject," her mother accused.

"The subject is closed."

"I'm the one taking care of you; I should get to hear what the doctor has to say."

"I'll tell you what he said when we get back," Jim told her. "You just don't want to let her out of your sight."

Kate sighed as her parents bickered. She wished Castle would hurry so she could get out of there. The thought had no sooner crossed her mind when a knock sounded at the door. She opened the door and smiled at the sight of him. "Thank God you're here."

"What's wrong?" he asked.

She pointed at her parents. "They're bickering over me."

He grinned at Jim and Johanna. "The joys of marriage, huh."

"Yeah," Jim laughed. "For better or worse…or overly protective motherly instincts."

His wife swatted his shoulder. "I just think that since I'm the one who's taking care of her that I should go along."

"Other people would help you take care of her if you'd give them a chance," Jim told her. "But you've staked your claim."

"I don't need help, and besides, Rick took care of her yesterday, so there."

"See what I mean," Kate said to Castle.

He nodded. "Mama bear protecting the cub."

"Don't make me laugh, Castle."

"It's hard to refrain from that," he replied. "I'm so naturally gifted when it comes to comedy."

She laughed lightly and then cringed.

"Sorry," he said, "I'll try to control myself."

"It's alright," she told him; and then turning to her parents she said, "I have an idea."

"What?" they both asked.

"We'll do a trade; Castle will take me to the doctor and the two of you can stay here."

"I think that's a great idea," Castle agreed.

"I don't," Johanna said.

"Sure it is," Kate told her. "You and Dad can be alone."

"Yeah," Castle said, "Wouldn't you two like to be alone?"

Johanna glanced at her husband and smirked. "I don't know, it depends on if he's going to be nice to me or not."

Jim grinned at her and wrapped an arm around her. "When have I ever not been nice to you?"

"I can think of a few times."

"Those were just misunderstandings," he replied.

"Sure they were."

"Maybe if you two spend some time alone together, you can get over your bickering," Kate told them.

"We're not bickering," Johanna insisted.

"I know what bickering sounds like," Castle said. "There was definitely bickering going on here."

Her mother was about to make a comment but Kate cut her off. "So do we have a deal? Do you mind a trade off, Dad?"

"I don't mind, Katie. Whatever you want."

"Great; let's go, Castle."

"Don't worry, Johanna" he said. "I'll take notes and report back to you."

"You better," she replied.

"I will," he promised and then he shot her a teasing grin. "We'll call first before we come back."

Johanna narrowed her eyes at him. "Take care of my daughter."

"Always," he told her.

After Kate had said her goodbyes, Johanna moved away from her husband and locked the door. She had been sure she could convince Kate to allow her to go along, and being on the losing end didn't feel good…because Jim was right, there was a part of her that wasn't ready to let her out of her sight just yet.

She sighed in resignation and turned towards the hallway.

"Where are you going?" Jim asked.

"To change clothes. If I'm staying home, I may as well be comfortable."

He shook his head as he watched her walk away and then made himself at home on the sofa as he awaited his wife's return.

Johanna re-emerged from the bedroom, dressed in a red tank top and black capri's, with her hair pinned up; the image of defeat and acceptance that she didn't get her way. Jim smiled at her as she walked through the living room.

"I've always liked you in red," he told her.

She smirked at him. "I thought you preferred me in black."

He grinned, catching her saucy meaning. "You always said that variety was the spice of life."

"So some days you like red and some days you like black?"

He chuckled. "I'll take you in any color, if you want the truth."

"I'm already aware of that," Johanna laughed as she continued on her way to the kitchen.

Jim followed after her, and when she opened the cupboard and reached for the mixing bowl, he stepped behind her and took it from her hands and pushed it back onto the shelf. "I know that baking is your preferred method of stress relief," he told her, "But why don't you just tell me what's on your mind instead?"

She sighed and kept her back to him instead of turning to face him. "You know what's on my mind."

"It's not your fault, Johanna."

"How can you say that? Someone hurt her because of me."

"I can say it because it's true. You're not the one who set her up, and you're not the one who slammed into her car. You didn't cause her injuries."

"Yes I did. I'm the person who caused this. It all falls back on me because I took that damn case."

"You have to stop torturing yourself about that," Jim told her. "You didn't take that case knowing any of this was going to happen. It's not your fault."

But it felt like it was, Johanna thought to herself, and it would always feel that way. She would spend the rest of her life weighed down by guilt and regret. No one would ever be able to absolve her of that feeling. Her throat tightened with sobs she wouldn't release and she took a deep breath to compose herself. Her neck ached, as it often did when she was under stress and she reached up and opened a different cupboard door and took out the bottle of Advil.

"Headache?" Jim asked quietly.

She shook her head, although it was a wonder that she wasn't laying in a dark room fighting off a migraine. "My neck," she told him as she picked up a glass from the sink and filled it with water and took the pills she had shaken out of the bottle.

"What's wrong with your neck?" he asked with concern.

"Tension," she answered as she rubbed the back of her neck, feeling the tightness of her muscles.

Jim carefully pulled her hand away and replaced it with his own, allowing his thumb to rub against the base of her neck. "Your muscles feel like they're tied in knots, Johanna."

"I can't imagine why," she said with a gentle hint of sarcasm.

He laughed softly and then dipped his head to press a kiss against the back of her neck. "She's alright, Jo. You need to try to relax, and maybe instead of sitting in a chair all night you could get into your bed…maybe you could even try sleeping."

"I know," she said softly. "But I want to be near by if she needs me. I need to take care of her."

"I know that when Katie came home you needed to keep an eye on her at all times to make sure she didn't get worse, but she didn't require round the clock care after the first twenty-four hours. You don't need to run yourself into the ground; you didn't need to do it alone the first day; there were plenty of people willing to help but you didn't want to give anyone a chance."

He didn't understand, she thought; he just didn't understand how important it was for her to be able to do something, to be able to take care of her child. That was her job and she wanted to do it, she needed to do it.

"I'm her mother," she told him, "And I want to feel like it. I'm capable of taking care of her, I don't need help. I just need to take care of my daughter…and she wants me to. I offered to get someone else for her if she didn't want me…but she said that she wants me, Jim. She wants me, and I'm not going to back away from that. I don't care how much sleep I lose sitting up with her when her ribs hurt too much for her to sleep. I don't care if I have to sit in a chair all night while she sleeps on the couch so I can keep the ice packs on her and keep her from rolling onto her side, that I have to keep checking her to make sure the concussion isn't getting worse, and open up the pill bottles because she can't twist the caps because of her wrist. She wants me to do it and I'm going to do it, because she needs me…and I need to be the one to do it…you don't understand how much I need to be able to be here for her," she said as her voice cracked with emotion that threatened to break the surface.

"I understand," he told her as he kissed the back of her head as he wrapped his arms around her. "I know it's important to you; but I worry about you. I worry about both of you."

"I know," she said as she sank back against him. She was ready to crumble but she held herself together.

"I'll make you a deal," he told her as he nuzzled her hair.

"What kind of deal?"

"You take care of Katie," he stated, "And I'll take care of you."

Her eyes filled with tears. "It's been a long time since I've been taken care of," she whispered.

He squeezed her waist. "Well it's time we remedy that. Let's go sit down and I'll see if I can get that knot out of your neck for you. I'm probably not as good at it as you always were," he said; recalling all the times when she had rubbed stress induced knots out of his neck and back. "But I'll do my best."

She turned in his embrace and brushed her lips across his. "I'm sure you'll do fine."

He guided her into the living room and she sat down on the couch, drawing her legs up and turning so her back would face him as he situated himself behind her. Gently he pressed his thumbs against her tight muscles and massaged the area, working at it until he felt the tension ease and her body start to relax. He moved his hands to her shoulders, his fingers skillfully slipping beneath the straps of her tank top and bra and sliding them down her arms so the area was unobstructed.

The silence between them was easy and comfortable and she didn't feel the need to break it as she kept her head lowered. She closed her eyes as his fingers continued to work on her muscles. She had always loved his hands and the way they felt against her skin. His hands were always warm and gentle when they were upon her; he could touch her in so many ways, each having its own meaning, its own feeling that she could easily distinguish between. Sometimes his hands moved over her in comfort, in assurance, affectionately with love, sensuously with desire and need. Sometimes his hands were careful, sometimes they were greedy. Sometimes his touch was all she needed, craved and wanted.

A sigh escaped her lips as he rubbed a tender spot in her shoulder and he paused for a moment.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked softly.

"No," she whispered. "Don't stop."

His hands resumed their ministrations and she allowed herself to indulge in sensation. It felt good…but of course his hands always did feel good on her and the wayward thought entered her mind that she wouldn't mind feeling his hands in other places…she wouldn't mind if they strayed away from the area he was working on. It wouldn't be the first time his hands wandered, she mused, and then she shook her head, trying to shake those thoughts loose.

"Don't go there," she told herself; those weren't thoughts she should be entertaining at the moment.

"Are you feeling better?" he asked, as his fingers continued to skim across her neck and shoulders.

She obviously was, she thought, after all she hadn't been tramping down feelings of desire when they had begun.

"Yes," she replied. "Maybe you missed your calling."

"This is my side job," Jim teased.

She laughed. "Who's your clientele?"

"Just you."

"I bet that's what you tell all the girls," she said lightly.

"No," he said, before brushing his lips across the bare skin of her shoulder. "You're the only one."

"Am I?" she asked, playing along.

"Yes," he replied as he pressed a kiss against her neck. "Don't tell my wife."

Johanna laughed. "Is she someone to fear?"

"You'd be a fool if you didn't," he teased. "Just the other day she threatened to beat up a cop."

"I'm sure she had a good reason."

"That may be," he remarked, "But the point is that she can be fierce when she needs to be."

"Do you like that in a woman?"

"Obviously; I married her, didn't I?"

"Maybe she bullied you into it," she said playfully.

Jim laughed. "No, she doesn't bully me…she resorts to tricks when she wants something from me."

"I think you're lying," she remarked as she turned and then climbed onto his lap. "I bet your wife is a lovely person."

"She is," he stated seriously as he gazed into her eyes. "Lovely, wonderful, beautiful, strong, intelligent, sexy, compassionate…"

She cut off his words with a passion filled kiss. He drew her back for another and then another after that.

"I thought we were supposed to be cooling off," he murmured as they came up for air.

"It's your fault," Johanna told him as she melted against him, laying her head against his shoulder. "You shouldn't have been so good at what you were doing."

He laughed softly. "I was just trying to make you feel better," he replied as he pushed her straps back up onto her shoulders.

"It worked," she said as she toyed with a button on his shirt.

"It wasn't intended to be a seduction," he said lightly. "Although now that I know that works, I'll file that piece of information away for when you're home."

'Home,' she thought; what she wouldn't give to go home and have all this behind them. What she wouldn't give to go back in time and prevent all of this…because sometimes it felt like it would never end, and now she had the images of Kate's scars in her mind, compounding the guilt she already felt. She felt so useless, so worthless. She felt like the worst kind of wife and mother. She felt like a failure of the highest degree and that wasn't easy to live with. Her emotions had been in turmoil for days now, and she had held most of it back, but now, cradled against the warmth of her husband the dam broke and her body shuddered as the sobs wracked her frame.

"Hey," he said softly, his hold tightening on her. "What's wrong?"

"Everything," she told him. "Everything's wrong and it's never going to be alright."

"Yes it will," he assured. "It's just going to take time."

"Time," she scoffed. "This has been going on for thirteen years…and it feels like it's never going to end."

"It will end, Johanna. I promise you, one day it will end."

"But are we all going to be alive when is does?" she cried. "How many times is Katie going to have to pay for my sins? How long are you going to wait for me before you get fed up and decide you were better off? How…"

"Stop," he demanded, gently pushing her back from his chest so he could tip her chin up and look into her tear filled eyes. "First of all, yes, we're all going to be alive when this ends; and secondly, Katie isn't paying for your sins, the two of you are paying for the sins of some coward, who can't even do his own dirty work, and I hope to God when he's found that someone puts a bullet through his skull, because prison's too good for the son of a bitch. Third, I will wait for you for as long as it takes. I have never been better off without you and I never will be."

"How can you say that? Look at what I've done, the chaos I've caused. Look at Katie…she's walking around with a scar over her heart as permanent reminder of what her mother's done to her. A good mother doesn't cause her child harm; a good wife doesn't…"

"Shhh," he said as he wiped the rapidly falling tears from her cheeks. "You didn't cause the chaos, Johanna; you were just the unfortunate person who got caught up in it. You had no way of knowing. You didn't tell Katie to chase this. You didn't pull the trigger and put that bullet in her heart. You didn't make me pick up bottle after bottle and drink it. We did those things on our own; we used you as our excuse, knowing that the things we were doing were things you wouldn't want or approve of. We all have our share of the blame to carry, Johanna; but the person with the biggest share, is the person who caused all of this, and that person isn't you."

"It feels like it," she cried.

"It isn't," he insisted.

"My father was right about me," she whispered.

"No," Jim stated firmly, taking her face between his hands and forcing her to look at him. "Frank was never right about you. I don't know what the hell his problem was and why he took it out on you, but you were never any of the things he said. Why your mother allowed him to get away with treating you the way he did is beyond me, because I know if I had ever said the things he said to you, to Katie, you would've punched me in the mouth and then divorced me, and you would've had every right to."

"I hate myself," she told him as she lowered her head back to his shoulder.

"You're not allowed to hate the woman I love."

The statement only made her cry more and he held her, his hand moving rhythmically up and down her arm. Eventually her sobs subsided, and she stayed slumped against him, feeling spent from her outburst.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"For what?"

"For this," she murmured. "For falling apart on you."

"That's what I'm here for," Jim told her. "Remember, we agreed that I would take care of you."

She nodded. "Yeah, but you probably didn't figure you'd be getting cried on."

He laughed softly. "Sweetheart, you've been crying on me for longer than we've been married."

"I was probably saner back then."

"Well we didn't have a kid back then," he quipped trying to lighten her mood.

"So we're going to blame Katie for my lack of stability?"

He nodded. "Why not? She probably blames us for hers."

"But at least on her end it's justified."

"Hey," he said, "I think we're justified for the fact that we raised her."

"But we must've done something right," Johanna said quietly. "I think she turned out pretty well despite belonging to us."

"Then that just goes to prove that you're better than you think you are, Johanna," he told her. "Because I give you most of the credit for the person she grew up to be. If it had been up to me, I would've locked her up in a convent when she became a teenager."

She laughed then and he felt better about her emotional state as she raised her head once again to look at him. He smiled at her, and she returned it with one of her own before pressing a soft kiss against his lips.

"I love you," he told her, his gaze locked on hers.

"I love you too."

"Everything will be alright."

She nodded, although she wasn't entirely convinced. "I'm a mess," she whispered as she swiped her cheeks.

"You're tired, Jo," he said softly. "You need to rest. Why don't you try and sleep for a bit while Katie's out; because if I know her, she's going to con Rick into taking her to the precinct so she can be updated about every little tidbit that Ryan and Esposito have; and then, knowing Rick, he'll insist on feeding her, so it'll be awhile before they're back."

"Will you lay down with me?" she asked, not ready to give up the feel of his arms around her.

"If you want me to."

Johanna nodded and reluctantly removed herself from his lap so they could stand. He wrapped an arm around her and led her to the bedroom and she curled up on her side of the bed and waited for him to join her, but he turned away, saying he'd be back in a moment.

When he reappeared, he had a cool washcloth in his hand, and he moved to her side and used it to wipe her face and then he laid it against each of her sore, tired, eyes for a moment before laying it on the nightstand and then moving to his own side and climbing in beside her.

"Hold me," she whispered; needing the comfort of his embrace, and the feel of his hands. He gathered her to him and held her close.

"Sleep," he told her. "You'll feel better."

She made herself comfortable in his arms and closed her eyes, allowing the security that came with being near him, relax her and she drifted off to sleep.

---

Castle sat next to Kate on the examining table of the doctor's office, waiting for the doctor to come in. He was still surprised that she had beckoned him to follow her when the nurse had called her name but he hadn't hesitated to tag along.

"What, Castle?" she asked as he kept glancing at her.

He shrugged. "I'm still surprised you let me come in with you."

"Why?"

"Because, it's the doctor's office…you know…issues of privacy."

She rolled her eyes. "I have a concussion, a sprain in my wrist and bruised ribs, I don't think that's going to require me to get undressed."

"So I couldn't come in if you were getting undressed?" he asked teasingly.

She smirked at him. "Oh I don't know, Castle; I might let you come in just to torment you."

He glared at her playfully. "Your mother doesn't have to worry, you're obviously recovering and getting back to your wicked evil ways."

She gave a soft laugh. "So now I'm wicked and evil?"

He nodded. "Don't act like you don't know it."

"I don't know any such thing," she replied and then turning the topic back around she added, "I don't mind you being in here with me, but the truth is I need you as my witness."

"Your witness?"

She glanced at him. "Do you think my mother is going to take my word for what the doctor said?"

"You're probably right."

"And besides, you promised her you'd give her a full report when we got back."

He grinned. "But according to her, you have me wrapped around your finger, so who says she's going to take my word for it? She might think you paid me off in some way."

"She'll be able to tell if you're lying or not. She made a living at that, you wouldn't be able to fool her."

He thought about that for a moment. "She'd probably chew me up and spit me out."

"And she'd enjoy it," Kate replied, "And then you'd never hear the end of it."

"It's a good thing I came in with you then."

She laid her hand over his and smiled. "Yes it is…and I hate sitting in these little rooms, waiting by myself."

"I hate that too," he told her. "It makes me nervous."

She nodded. "Me too."

Before he could reply the doctor knocked and then opened the door. The doctor inquired about how she was feeling and then he set about examining her injuries. He took the small light from his pocket and clicked it on, ready to shine it in her eyes.

"Your favorite part," Castle commented as he took his small notebook from his pocket, ready to jot down whatever the doctor said.

She smirked, but said nothing as she held still and allowed the doctor to do what he needed to do.

"It looks like the concussion is healing well," he said.

"Does that mean I can go back to work tomorrow?" she asked.

"No," he answered with an indulgent smile. "No work for you just yet."

"You said it was healing," she protested.

"It is healing," he replied, "But it's not completely healed yet. Concussions take about 7-10 days to fully heal."

"I'm already on day four," she told him. "If it's getting better than why should I have to keep staying at home. I feel fine."

"Because if you were to injure yourself again in the same way," the doctor stated, "It could cause some major problems. Head injuries are nothing to take lightly, even once you start feeling better. And with the line of work you're in, I recommend you wait the full ten days to make sure it's completely healed, and I'm sure it will be."

Castle was jotting all of this information down and the doctor cast a strange look at him which he caught. "I promised her mother I'd take notes," he explained.

"I see," he said. "Is your mother taking care of you, Detective?"

"Yes," she replied, "And believe me, she's following the instructions from the hospital to the letter."

"Good for her," he said. "I can tell you're stubborn, you probably would've went back to work the next day."

"She gets the stubbornness from her mother," Castle commented. "She doesn't stand much of a chance against her."

"That's just what I let her think," Kate replied.

The doctor chuckled at them. "Let's take a look at your ribs."

"You want me to close my eyes?" Castle asked; amusement in his voice.

She scoffed as she pulled her shirt up. "Why bother? I know you'll peek."

"Just a little," he told her as the doctor set about examining her.

"How long have the two of you been together?" the doctor asked as he pressed against the bruised area lightly, making her gasp.

"Oh we're…" Castle stammered, not really sure how to answer.

"We're just…" Kate said, but she found herself somewhat unwilling to classify them as just friends.

The doctor laughed. "I think I get it."

Kate blushed with embarrassment and Castle shot her and amused glance.

"How much pain are you having with your ribs?" he asked.

"It depends on what I'm doing," she admitted. "If I stay off my left side when I'm sleeping, don't twist too much and don't laugh and take too many deep breaths, I'm fine."

"Don't avoid taking deep breaths and laughing," the doctor told her. "That helps re-strengthen the muscle and the deep breaths will help you keep you from getting an infection in your lungs, because sometimes that can happen after a rib injury."

"How long is it going to take to heal?" she asked.

"I'm already seeing some small improvement, but it's going to be a while. It's probably going to be a few weeks before you're back to normal. The discomfort will ease gradually, but you're going to be feeling it for a while; and just like your concussion, you need to take it easy and give it some more time. I don't want you back at work until next week."

"Next week!"

He nodded.

"I have things to do!"

"They'll have to wait."

"That's easy for you to say," she muttered, and Castle laid a hand on her thigh and squeezed lightly, telling her not to argue without saying the words.

"Can I at least have my coffee?" she asked.

"Hold off for another day or two, and then you can try having a small amount," he told her. "But don't over indulge until the ten days are up."

After checking her wrist and finding it to be healing properly as well, the doctor told her to keep doing what she had been doing and to come back if there were any changes. Kate collected her paperwork and they left the office.

"I know you're unhappy with the thought of being home until next week," Castle said once they were in his car. "But I'll come by everyday and amuse you."

She glanced at him and gave him a weak smile. "Thanks."

He felt bad for her, knowing that somewhere inside it was driving her crazy to not be a part of the investigation into the accident.

"How about I take you to lunch," he offered. "We'll get Chinese and take our time in getting back."

"That sounds good," she replied, "But there's somewhere I want to go first."

"Where?"

"The precinct."

"Kate."

"I'm not going to work. I'm just visiting."

He sighed. "We could just call."

She glanced at him with an unamused look. "I want to go to the precinct."

"Fine," he relented, "I'll take you to the precinct, but don't think I don't know what this is."

She looked at him in confusion. "What?"

"This is your shameless attempt to get me into trouble with your mother," he replied as he pulled into traffic.

Kate laughed. "Well you wanted to see her temper."

"Yes but not in relation to you. Mother's can be lethal when it comes to their young," he stated.

She smirked. "Chicken."

---

A short time later they walked into the precinct.

"What are you doing here?" Ryan asked as they approached him and Esposito.

"I escaped and thought I'd come visit," Kate stated.

"Doctor's appointment," Castle clarified.

"Does your mother know you're here?" Esposito asked.

"I'm not afraid of my mother," she replied. "I leave that up to the three of you, now what have you found out?"

"Well," Esposito said, "While you've been lounging around at home, Ryan and I have been having a productive work week."

She smiled. "Then by all means, share it with us slackers."

"Alright, we pulled all the footage we could get and we've gone over it with a fine tooth comb. We were able to get a clear shot of the guy that cut me and Ryan off, and we were able to get an ID on him."

"Who is he?" Castle asked.

"Gregory Pascal," Ryan answered. "He has a wrap sheet as long as your arm, just got out of prison six months ago."

"Did you find him?" she asked.

"Of course we did," Esposito answered. "We just got through interrogating him about an hour ago."

"What did he say?"

"He said he was hired by a friend to help him with this job," Esposito stated. "He named his friend as Henry Lancaster, who also has a wrap sheet as long as your arm, everything from B&E to assault with a deadly weapon. He's also on parole. Pascal stated that Lancaster told him he was going to be making big money on this job but he needed help, and that he'd cut him in for a share of the money if he went along with him."

"What else?" she asked.

"We have security camera footage of the guy who made the bogus call about the body at a payphone," Ryan said as he handed her the picture. "He positively identified the guy as Henry Lancaster."

"This is the guy who hit me," she said, as she recognized the ball cap and the dark glasses.

"You sure?" Esposito asked.

"Positive."

"Good, then we know Pascal isn't jerking us around."

"Did he say who hired Lancaster?" Castle asked.

"No," Ryan answered. "He said Lancaster never told him. All he said was that he was getting paid big money to make a fake homicide call to a lady cop named Beckett, and that he was then supposed to cause her some trouble on the way to the scene. Lancaster knew she wouldn't be alone, that's why he hired Pascal to cut us off. He said Lancaster had pictures and information about what we all looked like and what our cars looked like and the route we were certain to take."

"Sounds like they covered their bases," Kate said.

"Yeah, sounds like our middle man is at work again."

"Do we have anything on Lancaster? Do we know where he is?'

"Pascal didn't know where he's been staying. He said they did their business dealing at a bar. We pulled his records and license. The address he gave previously isn't the one he's at now; he hasn't been there for over six months. We've circulated his picture, and we're going to go check out this bar where they did their business and see if we bump into him. If not we'll find him somewhere, and when we do, we'll make him give up Shadow if he's the one behind this."

Kate nodded, "Good work, guys. Keep me updated."

"We will," they promised.

She and Castle left the precinct and then went to lunch. She was quiet and pensive as they ate, but he couldn't blame her. His own mind was working through everything the boys had found too. He prayed they would find this guy and Shadow too and that they could bring about an end to all of this quickly and without further harm to Kate or Johanna.

As they got ready to leave, she gave him an understanding smile. "I know," she said even though he hadn't said anything.

"Should I say it anyway?" he asked.

Kate nodded. "Yeah, because I probably need to hear it…and you should probably keep reminding me every once in awhile."

Castle took her hand. "Everything will be alright."

She squeezed his hand. "Thanks."

He nodded as he led her to the car and opened the door for her.

"Hey," she said before she got in.

"What?"

"It'll be okay," she said; knowing he needed to hear it as well.

He smiled and then held the door while she got in and then shut it before jogging around to his side. He climbed in and put the key in the ignition but instead of starting the car he turned to her and gave in to the urge to kiss her. He just needed to kiss her. Apparently she had needed it to, because she allowed it to go on until they were breathless and then she pulled away.

"You better take me home," she told him softly. "I don't want her to worry."

Johanna was awake by the time they got back and when they swept through the door, she asked, "Well?"

"I can go back to work tomorrow," Kate stated.

"Liar," Johanna said. "Rick, what did he really say?"

He took his notebook from his pocket. "You really did take notes?" she laughed.

"Of course I did," he told her. "I wouldn't lie to you."

He read off everything the doctor had said, including the fact that Kate wasn't to return to work until the following week. Once Johanna had been updated he followed Kate into the kitchen and lingered there with her for the rest of the afternoon. He stayed for dinner and then after a few lingering kisses in the hallway, he left with the promise to be back the following day.

---

Two days later, Ryan and Esposito walked into Kate's apartment, dreading giving her the news they had.

"What's wrong?" she asked them as she studied their faces.

"We finally got a lead for Henry Lancaster," Esposito began.

"The guy who hit me?" she asked for clarification.

"Yes," Ryan stated. "He's the one that Gregory Pascal named during interrogation. We found out that he was living in one of those rooming houses where you pay by the week."

"And," she said, wishing they'd just get on with it. "Was he there? Did you get him?"

"He was there," Esposito answered and then after a long pause he added. "He was dead."

"Dead?" Castle repeated as he felt Kate tense at his side.

They nodded. "Single gun shot wound to the head, just like Scott Hayes," Ryan told them.

"And let me guess," she said tensely; "No one heard anything and no one saw anything."

"No one heard the shot," Esposito said, "And no one remembers seeing anyone during the time frame of the murder which Lanie places between 2 and 4 a.m. this morning; we're assuming he used a silencer. A canvas of the other tenets did turn up a description of a man that has been seen coming and going from Lancaster's room."

"Do we know who it is?" she asked.

He pulled a sheet of paper from a folder and held it out for her to look at. "Look familiar?" he asked.

Kate and Castle both studied the sketch and Kate curled her hand into a fist.

"Shadow," she stated.

"The tenet next to Lancaster's room remembers seeing him there three times last week, the last sighting of him was the morning of the accident," Ryan told her.

She ran her hand through her hair and pushed herself of the sofa so she could pace. "Have we been able to get any leads on Shadow through this?" she demanded to know.

"No," Esposito replied. "We went through Lancaster's phone records, there's a hand full of calls to a burner cell, but the cell isn't the same as the one Scott Hayes was getting calls from, but of course we all know that doesn't mean that it wasn't the same person. Shadow may be using multiple phones or just buying and disposing as necessary. Financials turned up the same banking info as last time, the account he got his first payment from is untraceable."

Kate nodded, she knew that, but it didn't ease her frustration. "Why can't we get this son of a bitch!" she exclaimed.

"He's good. He knows what he's doing."

"Yeah, he's good," she agreed. "Too damn good."

"We're trying, Beckett," Ryan said. "We're going down every avenue we can think of to try and get something on him."

"I know," she said; her tone softening a bit. "I just don't know how this guy can keep staying ahead of us every step of the damn way. It's like he knows every move we make before we make it."

"Like he's a cop," Castle said in reply to her statement.

"We had that thought too," Esposito replied.

"Is there any chance that we somehow missed a cop who was involved with Raglan and McAlister?" she questioned.

"Beckett, we've been through everything related to those two, you know that. We've done went through every possibility."

"There has to be something somewhere."

"I don't know where," Esposito said. "We went through all of the reports, the evaluations, arrest records…we've all went through them multiple times. It seems impossible that we would've missed something."

"We're going to have to check again," she stated as she willed her mind to think up a new solution.

"There's nothing there," Ryan responded. "If this guy is a cop, he's not one that had dealings with Raglan and McAllister."

"How do we know that for sure?" she asked as she spun around to face them.

Neither one of them had an answer for that and they remained silent as she continued to pace.

"I know that we've been through everything a hundred times, but that's all I have right now," Kate stated firmly. "So if we have to go through them again then that's what we have to do. I don't like it anymore than you do, but we'll just have to deal with it."

They cast a glance at each other and then nodded as they accepted her orders.

"Dig further into Henry Lancaster's life," she told them. "I want to know everyone he's been in contact with and if he told them about his dealings with Shadow."

"We'll get on that first thing in the morning," Ryan replied.

She stopped her pacing and turned once again to observe the faces that were watching her. Her mother's face held worry, so did Castle's; while Ryan and Esposito had matching looks of disappointment that they couldn't give her more. She took a deep breath, winced slightly at the twinge it caused, and then released it. "I'm fine," she told them all. "I'm just frustrated."

"We know," Ryan said, "You're not the only one."

She nodded. "I know you guys are doing everything you can; just bear with me as usual."

Esposito smirked at her playfully. "If we have to bear with you then you better talk your mom into baking us some compensation treats."

The comment made her smile slightly and she caught Johanna's eye. "Judging the look on her face, I feel safe in assuming that she'll be reaching for the mixing bowl sometime in the near future."

The boys looked at her. "Don't forget to call us when it's ready."

"Any requests?" Johanna asked.

Ryan looked to Esposito. "I could go for some cookies, what about you?"

He nodded. "Cookies sound good."

Johanna laughed softly. "What kind?"

"Chocolate Chip," they both said at the same time.

"I think I can arrange that."

Castle looked at them and shook his head. "You two really are moochers."

"Like you're not going to be standing there with your hand out," Esposito remarked.

"I eat here all the time," he quipped. "She likes me best."

"I like you all equally," Johanna stated.

"She's just saying that to make you feel good, Castle," Ryan stated, "Because really she likes us best."

"Actually she likes me best," Kate stated, bringing about an end to their competition.

"Can't compete there," Esposito commented.

Ryan and Castle nodded in agreement and then the boys said goodnight and moved to leave.

"I'll be back," Castle said to Kate as he rose to follow them. "I'm going to walk out with them for a moment."

She waved him off as she resumed her pacing while Castle stepped into the hallway with Ryan and Esposito and shut the door behind him. They shared a look with each other and then drifted up the hallway a few steps. "I thought you had people looking for Shadow," Castle stated in a quiet voice.

"We do," Esposito replied. "But we asked them to do it discreetly so the guy wouldn't get tipped off that we were looking for him."

"Although now, with what's happened, we're wondering if he didn't somehow catch wind of the fact that someone somewhere has been asking about him."

"So what are you going to do?" Castle asked. "We can't just stop looking for him."

"Did we say were going to?" Esposito asked.

"No, but…"

"Castle," Esposito said, "We're switching tactics."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning we already made some calls. Some of my contacts are going to apply a little more pressure in seeking out information about Shadow; any information that may give us a lead or somewhere to look; but our main game change is a contact that Ryan has, he's going to put the word out that he's looking to work with Shadow. We're hoping he'll take the bait and that we'll be able to set him up and then take him down."

"What about in the meantime while we're waiting?" Castle asked.

"In the meantime we do what Beckett says," Ryan replied. "We go back and see if we somehow missed somebody…even though we know we didn't."

He nodded. "Keep me updated."

"We will," Esposito promised.

They said their goodbyes and Castle opened the door of Kate's apartment just in time to hear her say, "I'm not asking you, I'm telling you."

"That used to be my line," Johanna retorted.

"Hey," he said, taking in the matching looks of stubbornness that both mother and daughter were wearing. "What's going on? I leave you two alone for two minutes and come back and you're fighting."

"We're not fighting," Kate said.

"Sounded like it. Now what's going on?"

"We're going back to work tomorrow," Kate announced.

"Kate," he said.

"No, Castle; not a word. I've made up my mind; I'm going back to work. I can't keep sitting here doing nothing. I'm healed enough."

"The doctor said…" Johanna began to say.

"I don't care what he said!" Kate exclaimed. "The doctor doesn't have the problems I have to worry about! I have work to do, I don't have time to sit here waiting to be healed to his standards and you'll just have to accept that. Now go get my paperwork from wherever you hid it so I can fill it out tonight and turn it in tomorrow so I can get another car."

"Katie," she sighed. "I think…"

"No, Mother," she stated firmly.

"But…."

"Look, I know you want to take care of me and you have been; and to tell you the truth, I haven't minded having you fuss over me as much as I thought I would but it's done now. You did a great job; you're a good nurse and mother but now it's time for me to get back out there, so please, go get my paperwork because this discussion is closed."

Castle watched the varying degrees of emotion that flicked through Johanna's eyes as she internally debated the merits of arguing. He saw the reluctant acceptance of defeat cross her features before she rose from her chair and walked off towards the bedroom.

Kate shifted her gaze to Castle. "Can you pick me up in the morning?"

"Kate…."

"Castle, please don't argue with me. I know you worry but I'm fine, I'm ready to go back to work…now are you coming with me or not?"

"Of course I'm going with you," he replied as if she were crazy.

"Then you'll pick me up in the morning?"

He nodded. "I'll be here."

She smiled and then pressed a kiss against his cheek. "Thank you."

Johanna returned to the room moments later and she walked towards Kate and held the folder out to her.

"Thank you."

Her mother said nothing, just regarded her with a look that was a mixture of worry and exasperation.

Kate sighed and grabbed her mother's hand. "You knew I'd be going back to work."

"Knowing it doesn't mean I like it."

"You don't have to like it," Kate agreed, "But you're going to have to deal with it."

"Is it a crime for me to worry about you?" Johanna retorted; a sheen of tears appearing in her eyes. "Look what happened the last time I sent you to work."

Kate softened a little; she hadn't taken into account that Johanna might be afraid to see her walk out the door. "I'll be fine," she promised.

"I think you're rushing."

"I think you just want me to stay home with you so we can have some more mommy and me time," Kate replied lightly, hoping to ease the situation; "But we'll still have plenty of time together just like before."

Johanna bit her lip, she just didn't understand…in fact no one seemed to understand how she felt for that matter but she knew when she was beat and it would be futile to argue. She pulled her hand away from Kate's and looked to Castle. "If she walks out the door tomorrow, I'm putting her care in your hands," she remarked.

"I'll look after her," he promised.

"Don't let her over do it," Johanna demanded.

"I won't."

"Keep her at her desk as much as possible."

"As long as we don't have a case that shouldn't be a problem," he assured.

"We have a case," Kate remarked. "This one."

"But this case will probably require desk work for the time being," Castle told Johanna.

"Restrict the coffee intake."

"I'll cut her off after the first cup."

Kate rolled her eyes as her mother issued her instructions.

"And you'll call me if something is wrong?" she asked.

"I swear."

"You know, I'm not five," Kate stated.

"Humor her," Castle stage whispered.

Johanna eyed him. "Is that you're doing, Rick? Humoring me?"

"No! I take you very seriously. I'd never just humor you."

"You better not."

"I swear!"

"I'm calling you every hour to check on you," Johanna said to Kate.

"It's my job to call and check on you."

"Well we'll just see about that, won't we?" her mother stated, her stubborn nature making itself known.

"If you drive me crazy, I'll just quit answering."

"Then I'll call Rick," Johanna retorted. "And if he doesn't answer, I'll call Ryan…Ryan and I understand each other."

"Because he fears you now," Castle stated with amusement.

"Exactly."

"It's going to be a fun day tomorrow," Kate muttered.

---

The next morning, Castle arrived early enough to eat breakfast with Kate and they both spent the meal trying to put Johanna at ease as her nervous energy was easily felt. Kate lingered, putting off leaving until her father arrived. Finally his knock sounded at the door and she allowed him in.

Jim didn't bother to ask her if she was sure she should be going back to work already; he knew she'd just roll her eyes and tell him she was fine. He settled instead for hugging her and telling her to be careful before moving to Johanna's side and laying a comforting hand on the small of her back.

Castle leaned close to Kate as she checked her purse for her keys and whispered in her ear. "Hug your mom before you go."

She hesitated, despite the fact that she had already hugged her mother twice before, but then she relented and moved back in her direction and wrapped her in her embrace. Johanna clung to her as tightly as she dared and after a moment that seemed all too short to her, Kate pulled away and said goodbye.

She held herself together until Jim locked the door and then she crumbled; her worries and fears getting the best of her. Jim went to her, wrapped her in his arms and held her while she got it out of her system as he murmured words of assurance in her ear.

---

Kate walked through the bullpen with her usual 'I mean business' stride, catching Ryan and Esposito off guard.

"What are you doing here?" Esposito asked.

"I work here," she quipped as she dropped her stuff on her desk and then took the paperwork about her car and headed for Gates' office to check in.

The boys looked to Castle in questioning of her surprise appearance.

"She said she was ready to get back to work," Castle stated.

"I thought the doctor said she should stay home a few more days," Ryan replied.

"The doctor has been over ruled."

"What about Mama Beckett?" Esposito asked.

"She lost the battle."

"No surprise there," Ryan stated.

They dropped their conversation as they heard the click of Beckett's heels against the floor as she made her way back from Gates' office.

"Let's go over everything about the accident and what you've found out," she stated, "And then Castle and I will get started going back over things."

They nodded and set about giving her every detail except the plans they had made with their contacts.

She set to work with a sense of aggression but as the days passed and the leads dried up and she found herself back at square one, frustration set in.

She tired to keep from taking it home with her, but Johanna sensed it and dragged it out of her, not allowing her to keep it all bottled up inside. She shared her frustration though, because she had began digging on her own without Jim and Kate's knowledge. Whenever she found herself with time alone, she pulled out the notes she had taken from their boards and her laptop and she started her search, trying to find anything online that would tell her who was in a position of power back at the time of Pulgotti's case, or anyone that was involved with Raglan and McAllister or even Montgomery, but the search was slow moving and tedious; and she found that most online archives of newspapers didn't go back as far as she needed, which meant she couldn't even research what the media had to say about the case. A trip to the library to look it up on microfilm would be required for that but she didn't think Kate would be willing to take her on a field trip just yet.

Every time she came up empty, unable to give Kate something new to go on, she felt herself battling those feelings of failure and depression and she forced herself to put the notebook and her laptop back on the closet shelf and temporarily stopped her search and pulled herself out of a downward spiral. She wished it could be so easy for Kate as she watched her suffer through each dead end.

She found herself grateful when Kate caught a few new cases that demanded her attention; not that she wanted anyone to suffer through the tragedy of a murder, but the work helped pull her out of their case and it seemed to settle them back into the routine they had held before her accident, with the exception of the fact that Castle now met her at the apartment and rode to work with her, obviously fearful of allowing her to drive anywhere alone. Kate seemed comfortable with that new arrangement and Johanna wondered if there wasn't a part of her that was still shaken by it. If there was, she wouldn't admit to it, at least not out loud and she didn't push her to.

---

With Kate in and out, working her cases, Johanna found herself alone with her husband a great deal and she concentrated her energy on continuing to rebuild the foundations of their relationship. They seemed to have found themselves a little bubble of comfortable contentment that reminded her of the early days when they had been dating; like the evening they had shared the night before that caused her cheeks to warm in remembrance.

She smiled softly as she thought of how the two of them had laid on the sofa together the night before, of how intimate and romantic it had seemed; but there had been disappointment as well, as she had spent the night alone…lying awake, missing him and wanting to go to him. She glanced at her watch, wishing he'd hurry and get there as she wanted nothing more than to kiss him and sink into his arms for awhile. Johanna had no sooner had that thought when his knock came at the door and she hurried towards it to let him in.

Jim kissed her, as he did every morning when he arrived, but instead of it being the brief affair it usually was, Johanna drew it out, allowing it to linger before she wrapped her arms around him and nestled against him.

"What's this all about?" he asked lightly as he returned her embrace.

"I missed you," she whispered.

He held her tightly, pressed a kiss against her head and murmured, "I missed you too."

"I wish you would've stayed last night," she said quietly as they remained standing near the door, wrapped in each others arms.

"I know," he answered as he breathed in the scent of her perfume.

He had every intention of staying the night before as they had been having a perfectly cozy relaxing evening together. Kate had gone to bed early, tired from the sleepless nights that were catching up with her and work, leaving the two of them alone.

They found an old movie on television, turned out the lights and made themselves comfortable on the couch; of course comfortable to Johanna had meant being snug between him and the back of the sofa while she used his chest as her pillow. He hadn't minded; his fingers had sank into her dark silky hair out of reflex, threading through as he always had before. Her hair still wasn't as long as it had been long ago, but it was better than it had been when she first cut it. Her hair brushed her shoulders now, the ends of it giving in to its natural inclination to curl.

He had smiled as he had fingered those loose curly tips, remembering the pictures his mother-in-law had so happily showed him of his wife from when she had been a curly haired little girl. There had been immense contentment lying there with her in the glow of the light from the television, listening to her laugh softly as they watched the movie; and their occasional conversations that they carried on in quiet voices, making every effort to keep from disturbing their sleeping daughter.

It had reminded him of a very similar night they had shared years before, a night when they had been curled up on the couch together after a long work week, his fingers in her hair, her body warm and soft against him. It had been so good to go home to her that night, and as he had laid there with her he had made up his mind, he had to marry her.

Jim had been lost in those memories when Johanna had lifted her head from his chest and caught his eye.

"I thought you fell asleep on me," she said.

"Why?"

"Because I was talking to you and you weren't answering," she laughed.

He smiled. "Sorry."

"What were you thinking about that had you so distracted?"

"The same thing that has always caused me distraction," Jim answered.

"And what would that be?"

"You," he whispered, tucking a lock of hair behind her hair.

"What about me?"

"How much I love you," he told her.

She smiled softly and then she kissed him, in all the ways that she shouldn't have.

That had been all it took to fan the flames that burned between them. It seemed as though the more they tried to cool off, the easier it became for them to heat up. It had almost gotten out of control as kisses became more and more passionate, hands had began to roam freely, seeking contact with skin, but something had startled her and snapped her back to reality and they had pulled apart, his plans to stay going out the window as he wouldn't have been able to keep his hands off her.

"Did you have breakfast?" Johanna asked, pulling him out of his thoughts.

"No."

"I'll make you something," she told him as she pulled away from him.

He smiled at her and followed her to the kitchen, taking a seat at the table as he watched her. He had never stopped loving her; he had remained madly and deeply in love with her despite their forced separation and so it came as a surprise to him that he found himself feeling the way he had back when they were first starting out, those little jolts of realization that your heart was no longer your own but belonged to someone else. Johanna had branded his heart with her name, her smile and those green eyes he could lose himself in, many years before, and yet he couldn't help but feel like he was falling in love with her all over again.

Johanna could feel his eyes burning into her back and she smiled. She was going to surprise him today…that was as long as everything fell into place the way she hoped. She had made up her mind as she had laid awake the night before, she was tired of waiting, she was ready to throw caution to the wind, or at least her worries, and just be with him, because they weren't going to last much longer and she wanted him; wanted to be with him so badly and she was afraid that with the way things were, that if they didn't take an opportunity that presented itself that they might never get their chance.

Kate's calls had been coming in a pattern ever since she went back to work. She'd wait and see if she stuck to that pattern through the morning, and if she did, then when she made her call around 12, she would inquire if she had plans to come by at lunch time and if she did, she would discreetly persuade her not to. She was sure Kate would get the hint and that she would not only stay away during her lunch break, but that she might also delay her afternoon phone calls as well. It might cause some awkwardness between them later but she'd deal with it…it would be worth it in the long run. With Kate taken care of all she had to do was tempt her husband and that would be easy enough.

She placed his plate in front of him, poured him a cup of coffee and then took her seat across from him with a glass of iced tea and glanced at the paper as he ate. They lingered at the table as she ignored the dishes in the sink that were waiting to be washed as he inquired about Kate and discussed whatever trivial things that came to mind.

Johanna had just gotten up from the table and moved towards the refrigerator to refill her glass when her phone rang. Jim picked it up to hand it to her, expecting it to be Kate but his eye caught sight of the name flashing on the screen.

It wasn't Kate.

The name on the screen said Jack, and his heart gave a painful squeeze as his wife accepted the phone without even looking at the identity of the caller.

Who was Jack, and why was he calling his wife?

"Hello," Johanna said, expecting to hear her daughter's voice on the other end of the line.

"Meagan?" a familiar voice asked. She had discarded the name Meagan so easily that to suddenly hear it in her ear stunned her and she froze.

"Meg?" Jack asked. "Are you there?"

"Yeah," she stammered, not knowing what to do or how to react. "I'm here."

"Where are you?" he asked.

She laughed nervously. "I'm on vacation, you know that."

"You've been gone for a long time, Meg. No one's even heard from you; we were starting to worry."

"No need to worry about me," she answered. "I'm fine."

Jim watched her as she began to pace nervously, listening intently to every word she said, his mind racing with thoughts he didn't want to be thinking. Thoughts he had never even considered before. Who was this man? Why was he worried about her? What was he to Johanna…to his wife?

"Are you still in New York?" Jack asked.

"Yes, I am," she replied.

"What are you doing there? You've dropped off the face of the earth. Carolyn says she's been emailing you and hasn't gotten any response."

"I haven't checked my email," she answered. "I've been busy."

"With what? I know New York is a big city but there's only so much sight seeing you can do, Meg."

She saw the tremor in her own hand as she raised it to run through her hair. "I'm with my family," she told him.

"Family? I didn't think you had any family."

Johanna laughed nervously again; this was such a fine line to walk; she had to say something without giving up too much. "Of course I have family, doesn't everyone?"

Family? Jim thought to himself, she was visiting family? It wasn't a lie, he and Kate were her family but 'family' could be anyone and his mind had already gone to places it shouldn't have and thinking rationally had gone out the window. All he could think of was the fact that his wife was talking to some man who obviously cared enough to call and find out where she was and what she was doing…and it burned him. He wanted to grab the phone and tell this 'Jack' person that she was with her husband, where she belonged and that he had no need to be concerned for her. He would be concerned for her; that was his job, not the job of some unknown man from Wyoming.

"Meagan, you've never talked about any family."

"Just because I haven't talked about them doesn't mean that I don't have any," she remarked.

"I suppose that's true," he replied. "I guess when you never said anything about it I assumed that you had no one."

"I'm just a private person," she stated, trying to keep from blowing everything out of the water.

"When are you coming back?"

Her teeth sunk into her lip for a moment. "I'm not coming back any time soon."

'Anytime soon?' Jim thought, shouldn't she be saying that she'd never be going back?

"So the rumor is true?" he asked.

"What rumor?"

"That you've asked for an indefinite leave of absence," Jack answered.

"Yes, that's true," she told him. "I sent in my request a few weeks ago."

"Meagan, what the hell is going on with you?" her friend demanded to know. "You've always been reserved but this…this is beyond your normal behavior. You've been in some sort of depressed state for what seems like a year or more and you wouldn't talk about it; in fact you don't seem to talk about much. Then you go off on this vacation, by yourself…"

"You're the one who suggested that I take a vacation," she reminded him.

Now Jim was growing angry, so this Jack was in her life enough to suggest she take a trip…he didn't like this at all and he didn't like how she was acting…if he'd been thinking clearly he might have called it what it really was, but he wasn't thinking clearly and his mind saw her actions as admission of being guilty of something…and he didn't like the something he was thinking of.

"Yes, I did suggest that you get away for awhile but I didn't think you'd go off and cut off contact and never come back."

"Vacation means being away from it all," she replied. "I didn't mean to make you or Carolyn worry, I've just been busy…I'm with my family and we have a lot of catching up to do. I'm fine, really I am."

"So you're staying in New York indefinitely? You're going to give up your job? Something doesn't add up here."

Johanna sighed. "Look, it's personal, okay. I'm staying in New York; I don't care about my job. I need to be here."

'She 'needed' to be here,' Jim repeated in his mind, shouldn't it be 'I 'want' to be here'?

"What do you mean, you don't care about your job?" he asked. "Meg, you're one of the best that the college has."

"Some things are more important," she replied.

Great, now he and Kate were 'things', Jim couldn't help but think, that was of course if by 'some things' she had meant the two of them.

"You're hiding something," Jack said. "Are you in some sort of trouble? Do you need help?"

"No!" she exclaimed. "I'm not any trouble, I don't need any help."

Jim couldn't stand it, now the guy must be offering assistance as if Johanna was his damsel in distress that he wanted to rescue…like he was some sort of white knight who wanted to rush to her aid. He felt as though he was about 30 seconds away from ripping the phone out of her hand.

"Are you sure?" Jack questioned.

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Are you hiding something?" he asked. "I notice you ignored that part of my statement."

Nervous laughter bubbled up in her throat once more and she couldn't control it. It was as if she was stuck in some sort of twisted joke where she was confronted with the fusion of her life as Johanna and her life as Meagan. She felt sick, and she was too afraid to look at her husband's face to see his reaction to the conversation he was listening to. She caught a glimpse of his clenched fist resting on the table from the corner of her eye, and she had a feeling that he had seen Jack's name on the phone when he had handed it to her. She could already feel the tension building in the room and she could just imagine what conclusions he was jumping to.

She had never been unfaithful to Jim, but she had a sinking feeling that as soon as she laid the phone down she'd be tried and convicted of adultery.

"What would I be hiding?" she said to Jack.

"Apparently more than we thought," Jack uttered.

This conversation was getting far too risky and it needed to end. She wasn't doing any good at shooting down suspicions. Perhaps if Jack had called when she was alone she could've handled it better, but he hadn't, and she had been caught off guard as she hadn't bothered to look at the name on the screen before she answered.

"Listen," she said; "I have to go."

"Will I hear from you sometime soon?" he inquired. "Just to let me know you're okay out there? Maybe you could call Carolyn or email her so she'll take my word for it that you're fine?"

"Yeah," she replied, "I can do that."

Her friend sighed, and she didn't know if it was with disgust or disappointment. "Bye, Meg. I hope to hear from you soon."

"Goodbye," she stated and then she disconnected the call and with a shaky hand she turned towards the counter and laid the phone down.

She kept her back to Jim and closed her eyes, feeling the intense silence filling the air. She should say something but her voice felt caught in her throat and she offered up a silent prayer instead.

"Please, God," she prayed, "Let him be calm and understanding, let him remember that he knows me, that he knows that I would never be unfaithful. Let me be wrong about what he's thinking…please let me be wrong."

She knew she wasn't though, because she could feel his gaze burning into her back and not in the way it had been earlier.

"I have just one question for you, Johanna," Jim stated, his tone firm and laced with anger.

Johanna swallowed hard, knowing that her prayer had gone unanswered. There was no point in avoiding it, she could explain, he'd calm down and he'd understand. She could handle this, and with that thought in mind, she composed herself and turned towards him, meeting his gaze which was really more of a glare.

"Who the hell is Jack?" he asked.

…to be continued