HOLA EVERYONE! My name is Lya200, and I finally could finish this. I blame the internet. Yeah, the past couple days have been insane. I had a friend over for a couple of days for 4th of July weekend, and after that, we went to my Dad's house. The internet was out, so basically I couldn't get on to write until today. So basically I was on a writing-rampage for the past few hours because I wanted to finally get this out.

Wait, you're not here to hear my excuses. You want to read my story, so let me cut to the chase.

This one-shot was requested by Bunsfactory. I had to do a lot of research on the Red Queen because before I knew almost nothing about her. Well, I still don't know much about her, but then again, almost no one does apparently.

I think I had too much fun writing this. The Red Queen is kind of making me think of myself with her dialogue. Yeah, I know I'm crazy.

Yay two new POVs! (But only one is really relevant)

Let's Go On An Adventure

The Queen of Hearts

The Red Queen's POV

Everyone has an ambition in life. Some want to be doctors or the next king. They want to become rich and famous. They want to make a name for themselves. They want to find some way to help the world. I am different. My life's ambition was to cause trouble.

I don't exactly like doing anything helpful to everyone but myself, but today I am making an exception. Besides, it will still infuriate the Empire, which was good enough for me. Plus, I don't really have anything else to do these days.

Okay, that sounds a little selfish, but let me explain myself. No good comes out of helping others. Most of the time, life can be explained by a simple phrase: no good deed goes unpunished. The sooner you accept that, the more likely you are able to survive in this world.

There's only one reason that I was making an exception today. That is... No, let's wait on that.

I was so tempted to make my entrance a memorable one with the use of explosives, but that would tip them off that I had a reason for breaking in. No, I had to choose the quiet and boring way in. That means no cannons. Sigh.

I adjusted my eyepatch over my glass eye and stuck a big, feathered hat on top of my head. I put on a large, dark cloak over my regular clothes. Finally, I sheathed my cutlass at my side. Now let's go irritate an Empire! What fun!

As I suspected, the gates to the Empire were locked and well guarded from villainous rogues like me. Hmph, like I would take the normal way in. I know better, more effective entrances that did not require direct confrontation with the guards.

I turned on my heel and walked over to the opposite side of the river in front of the entrance. These mercenaries were really blind or really stupid if they could not see my bright red hat from their posts. Ooh, most likely it was a mixture of the two.

I leaped into the rushing waters. Then, while still keeping a hand on my hat, I swam around until I found the underwater cave. I escaped through here about thirty years ago, but my memory was still good. It is fitting how the way I escaped the clutches of the Empire would also be the way I break in.

I am glad that I am an elf. Humans can only breathe for so long underwater, where as I can hold my breath for an extra ten minutes at a time, which was important for survival, not to mention it allowed me to get to the underwater cave without worrying about the time. Sure enough, the little grotto was still where I last saw it. I entered.

I remember that it came out close to the morgue. The crematory was close to the gallows where they hung me. I was able to go through undetected last time until they finally discovered that my body was missing. Like I said, they are either blind or stupid. By the time they noticed that I was gone, I was already miles away enjoying a drink or two.

Okay, I take back what I said about them being really stupid. No, they were ten times worse now. You'd think they'd have blocked off all of the caves or stationed guards by now, but surprisingly, they kept the entrances wide open for some apparent reason. Don't ask me why. I'm so glad that I am anti-Empire. I wouldn't be able to deal with this kind of thing.

I eased myself into the crowds of starving, mistreated citizens. Clearly the town I ended up in belonged to the poor townsfolk. Luckily for me, I remember clearly how to get to the nicer parts of the Empire. AKA, the Emperor's palace.

I casually started to stroll down the street. I noted that it was called Yellow Brick Rd. In an attempt to better fit in, I started donning the same beggar-look everyone else had. Thankfully my hat was large enough to cover my distinguishable pointy elf ears. All I had to really worry about was the fact that my eyes were mismatched, and my way to solve that was to simply cover it up with an eyepatch and a hat. Easy as pie.

Okay, so now I need to get to my destination. I've only been there once for my sentencing, but I have a fairly good memory. I just need to stay out of everyone else's way and get there no problem.

I saw a pair of guards watching me suspiciously. They were on the younger side, so I formulated an idea. I blew them a kiss and winked at them. One of them looked uncomfortable and the other looked dazed. Well, at least they were distracted. I shrugged and walked away.

Eventually I saw the palace. It sat in the dead-center of the entire city like a trophy. I smirked as I watched the clueless, goofing-off guards half-heartedly guarding the palace. This is going to be too easy.

But wait. They won't just let me walk straight through the front door, right? Right?! There has to be something to get me inside. I just need some reason for them to let me inside. Oh wait. I've got an idea.

I walked away from the castle until I was out of sight, snagging a fedora off of a rack at one of the stands. Time for a makeover. And, no, I am not talking about a fashionable one. I'm talking about something more my style.

Good thing all of the wanted posters for me only have my teenage self on them. I look like I am in my twenties now. Age is important. I get all the cool jobs as a twenty year old compared to when I looked younger. Oh, this will be perfect for when I literally barge into the throne room with my announcement. They wouldn't be able to recognize me.

I tossed the new hat over my head just like how I've seen mercenaries wear them. It was slightly too big for me, which was fantastic because they won't be able to see my ears from underneath it. I found a bandana in my backpack and tied it around my face, leaving my two eyes visible. I kept the eyepatch to make me look more convincing.

Finally I deemed myself fit for action. It was lucky that I continued to be up-to-date with the news. Just imagine how awkward and embarrassing it would be if I was too late and delivered the wrong information.

I strutted over to the ornate front doors. "Hey, losers!"

The guards glared at me angrily for the insult. "Who are you calling "losers?""

I pretended not to notice or care. "I need to see the Emperor."

"What for?"

"I have my reasons. I don't think he'd like it if he is kept waiting."

That worked. The grudgingly moved aside and let me through. Piece of cake.

Okay, you might be still wondering what in Minecraftia I was trying to accomplish. Well, it sucks to be you because I'm not quite there yet. No wait, actually, I'm about to get to that.

"Hello, good sir!" I grinned forcefully at the guy sitting on that chair. Like seriously, does he ever leave it? I shuddered in disgust.

"What do you want? You're boring me!" he whined.

I looked around before I locked eyes...err, eye... with someone. Smiling even harder now, I boasted, "I've found the thief."

"Who?"

I rolled my one good eye. "You know, the thief? Are you really that big of a fool? How many thieves have you been attempting to track down in the past year?"

"Um..." He shrugged. "I uh... I can't do the math. I'm tired and just woke up."

I suppressed a laugh. "I've caught the guy who steals cookies for a living. No... wait, that might actually be accurate. No! I've found the guy who stole that blasted dragon egg you idiot! I don't want to be disrespectful, but..."

"Really?" He perked up. "That's wonderful! Where is he?"

I sighed patiently. "I've got him tied up somewhere outside the walls. I want to make a trade. Him for her." I pointed at one of the elves.

"Done! Now where might I find him?"

I smirked when he wasn't looking. "I'll give you the coordinates. I don't really like giving up my prize in person."

He laughed. "Understandable I guess."

Pretty soon I was leaving the palace with Mia. She looked confused as to what the flip happened. It's not everyday that someone comes in with a trick to get their sister out of trouble.

"So how have you been?" I asked cheerily.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"How have you been lately? Life in the Empire wasn't too unbearable I hope. I would have come sooner, but I had more urgent issues I've had to take care of."

Mia shook her head and rolled her eyes in amusement. "Okay, what is the real reason?"

I came clean. "I was too lazy."

"There's the sister I grew up with. Only you would be lazy for thirty long years."

"I know." I glanced at the nearing exit. "Want to leave this place with a bang?"

Her green eyes widened. "If you mean using a little bit of TNT, hell no. I'm not doing that."

"No, of course not. I plan on using a whole bunch of TNT!"

She backed up a little. "What? Are you crazy?"

I giggled. "Yes I am!"

Mia evidently wished to hear the opposite. "That's not particularly very reassuring."

"Good. Now where do they keep the explosives?"

My sister pointed in the direction of the storage facilities. "Over there."

"Awesome. Let's get started, then!"

Mia stayed still. "Can't we at least talk about this? I don't want to make things blow up just yet. I want to just get far away from here. I don't care about blowing up the palace right now."

"We are only blowing up the wall partially, though now that you mention it..."

She gave me a stern look. "The answer is no."

I playfully stuck my tongue out. "Fine. Maybe some other time. Come on."

Some of the townspeople stared at us. Most people don't stand around talking these days. Good thing that we are not people.

"What, do you have a problem with conversations? It is not hard to speak. See, that's what I'm doing."

They shrugged and walked away. I looked back at Mia who was still standing still. "Well, are you coming?"

"Fine, but only the wall," she warned.

I laughed. "No promises."

She was irritated, but Mia shook it off. We headed to the location of the explosives.

Her green elf eyes looked towards me curiously. "So what made you come for me?"

"Magic, duh!" I joked.

She smiled a little. "Since I sincerely doubt that you are a potions master and a double agent, I'll ask one more time. Why did you decide to use today to get me out of this place?"

I shrugged. "Because I can. Sorry, wrong term. Because I care. You're my sister, and like it or not, sisters look out for each other. Now, come on!"

This time she was enthusiastic. "Okay, but don't you usually not do something unless if it will benefit yourself. Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is not like you."

"Ehh. There are always exceptions to every rule."

I grabbed a bunch of the dynamite. "Let's go! You keep watch. Tell me if anyone is coming."

"Sure thing, sis."

I arranged the explosives along the wall. A bewildered guard started rushing forward yelling for me to stop. I replied by lighting it.

"Move out of the way!" I grabbed Mia's hand and jumped not away, but through the explosion.

We were both running for our lives away from the Empire. Since we had a good head start, we quickly lost our enemies. We took a break about five miles away.

"That was probably the second most dangerous thing I've ever done!" Mia panted.

"Really, what was the first?"

"Do I have to answer that?" she asked mysteriously.

I understood. "Okay. You all right?"

"Yeah. I still think you're insane."

"I know. I thought we established that a long time ago."

She sat down. I knew that we had to split up soon. She was not safe hanging around me. Right now, however, I was having a blast.

"How do you think the Empire will react to you tricking them?"

"What, do you doubt that I caught him?"

"Please. Everyone that knows you knows that you wouldn't waste your time going after someone else with a huge price on their heads."

"True. Oh, how I wish I could be around to see the looks on their faces. Let me tell you, they will be priceless!"

The POV of some-random-mercenary-that-we-don't-care-about

We followed the coordinates to the barn that the thief is supposedly tied up in. This is definitely the place, but I don't see any barn.

"Hey, look! There is something taped to that tree!"

I made it to the page first. There was an image of someone sticking out their tongue and a note.

I read it aloud. When I finished, we all groaned. The message read, "Congratulations. If you are reading this, that means that you have been bested by the Red Queen. Later losers, and peace out!"

And done. Phew. I can finally think clearly. For once I did something completely humorous. I had fun writing this, especially that note at the end. I also love how they bonded over TNT. I didn't plan on doing that until I actually started writing that bit.

Did you catch my reference to HISHE? I couldn't resist adding it because I love saying the actual line in response to questions.

So how did I do? I've been holding in my ideas for the past week or so, so I was super excited to finally access the laptop and write.

I'm a Banana: Oh, I saw that bit. I had a feeling that something would be at the end because there was too much time left over. I am pretty sure that it was Drake. I love how apparently he has heard these stories but did not know that it was Grayson until Grayson slipped up and say that he was looking for the Magic Library to hatch something twice. Thanks for the review :)

CJ: Here is what I'm thinking. Drake's portal might lead to the ruins of his house. The reason why I say "ruins" is because I really doubt that Herobrine would not destroy it to steal the diamond. Grayson's probably leads close to "Draco Hatchery." As for Mia, I have no clue where she'd end up. Maybe the magical candy store? More likely some museum or maybe her home village. Thanks!

firelover123: Yeah, that was a little theory I came up with while trying to fall asleep. Originally, it only involved Drake, but since he apparently is half Collin, I had to include Armen in there. I'm glad that I didn't end it too. I wouldn't know how to live without FanFiction. GO INSANITY! Hmm, Drakebrine. I am using that for Death and Eternal Punishment, but maybe I should just have a separate, slightly tragic one-shot for that. I will definitely use the idea :) You're welcome for using the idea. I'm glad that you look forward for this story. Most people it seems on this site are girls, but it would have been very awkward if I just assumed that you were a girl and you weren't. EMBRACE THE CREEP! Thanks for all the reviews :D

Fixedflower80: I love exploring the different emotions of the characters. Thanks for the compliment! I personally love Author's Notes in chapters because of the same reason. Yeah, I was wondering who that subscriber was. Well, now I know :) You should totally make an account! I remember when I made my account almost a year ago *sigh* Thanks for the review!

Hmm, I guess that since this chapter was hilarious, I need a feels-breaker chapter again. Well, I still have 4 ideas I need to do, and I can see so many ways to make them break the feels. I will have to go with...ugh, I can't decide. The chapter names will either be Gone, The Harsh Truth, Only On the Outside, or I'm Sorry. There is guaranteed feels-breaking in all of them. Yeah, like I said a long long time ago in a galaxy far far away, I am evil.

Please review! I love seeing feedback for my writing :D

~Lya200~