CHAPTER 26
SECOND CHANCES
A/N—Please read below at the end notes after you finish this chapter. Sis and I need you to help us decide who is right.
I almost hope the plane never lands as I sit on the bed watching Bella taking off those sexy boots. I try to keep my expression neutral and prepare myself for anything. I am quite aware of how much Bella enjoys shocking me.
Then with speed that can rival mine she pushes down her skirt. She is wearing some pink lace, flimsy ladies' under-thing with a camisole. She removes her blouse and stands there letting me drink in the sight of her in the pale pink lace. I have to say I really enjoy the fact that Bella seems so much more comfortable with her body than she did in high school. Her shoulders are back and she is clearly proud. And she should be. She is absolutely stunning. I shift, feeling the physical effect she is having on me. I lean back on the bed and hold out my hand, silently asking her to come and lay near me. She complies and I pull her back against my chest, resting my arm over her waist.
After we settle in and I feel her body completely relax, I ask her the question that has been most on my mind. "Bella, will you tell me what you discussed with Carlisle this morning? He told me saw you but he would not betray your confidence of course."
She turns over and we lay facing each other, with my arm still resting over her waist. She looks almost angelic as she rests her head on her folded hands and she looks up at me with drowsy eyes.
"I told him that Julian needed some time off. He left to go snowboarding in Canada for a few days."
"Is that all?"
"No. I also asked him to tell me what I needed to know about vampires and humans having sex."
"What?" Her boldness never ceases to amaze me.
"You told me that you were willing to be with me like that. In case something happens I wanted to know if there were precautions we should take. You know, issues about venom, birth control, those kind of things."
I am one half mortified that she spoke to Carlisle of such private things but the other part of me is ecstatic that she asked such god awful questions because that means she must be considering moving forward with a real relationship with me.
"Bella, I would have answered your questions."
"I thought you might but Carlisle is a doctor and I thought it best to see what he would say. I admit afterward I felt a little silly. Knowing you, I am sure you have prepared and prepared and prepared once again for such a scenario and probably already asked for his advice."
Lord knows I have been preparing but I did fail to ask Carlisle for his medical advice.
"What did Carlisle say?" I ask.
"He said the venom I would be exposed to in a sexual situation is not the same as when you bite and it will not hurt me. He also told me there was no need to worry about birth control because vampires cannot have children."
Her tone is even but I can't help but wonder if she is upset to hear Carlisle definitively tell her we can never have children.
"I told you before that I cannot give you a child Bella," I tell her, trying to keep from my voice, the sadness the knowledge that I will never see Bella carrying my child, causes me to feel so sharply.
"I know but Edward you have this slight tendency to think the worse and I just wanted to make sure there was no need for birth control."
"You're not already on birth control?" I ask incredulously and without thinking. I instantly regret my outburst. That is a private and inappropriate question to ask of her. It is just I was so certain she would have been on birth control giving the status of her relationship with Julian.
"I'm sorry Bella. That is none of my business. You don't have to answer that."
"Edward," Bella chides. "It's okay. No, I am not taking birth control. Julian always insists on using condoms. He is obsessed with being careful. He doesn't want children....ever."
"I see. May I ask one more question?"
"Of course."
"Why did Julian suddenly leave?"
Bella smiles sadly. "I told Julian last night that I still have feelings for you. After what happened at the bookstore, I couldn't bear going one more day without coming clean. He was understandably upset. We spent hours talking. He asked me if I was leaving him. I told him I thought it was wrong to be with him when I had these unresolved feelings." Bella's voice becomes saturated with sadness and she sighs.
"I don't want to rehash it all but he agreed that I should figure out for good if he is what I really want. It was his idea that we take some time off from each other, so we both can think things through. We agreed that he is going to stay at the Red Oaks drive house and I'll stay at the apartment until I can figure things out.
"So that is why I'm glad we have the weekend to ourselves. I have to make a decision about us. Actually, I guess it is more accurate to say we both have to make some decisions about us. I won't string Julian along unnecessarily. He is so hurt he had to leave and he was too upset to even talk to Carlisle about his request for leave."
We lay there in silence for a few minutes before I speak again.
"Bella, I want you to know that I have listened to everything, everything that you have told me and I am prepared to do whatever it takes for us to be together again. I mean it. I have to be honest. I am still struggling with the idea of changing you but I promise I'm trying to see that issue from your perspective and I won't shut you out this time. I would like for us to figure out the solution together if you are so inclined."
Bella's eyes are misting and as she smiles at me through her tears, I lean in and kiss her very softy and gently and whisper against her lips "I love you. I always will. Let's start over. Let this weekend be a new beginning for us. Please."
She says the only word I want to hear at this point. "Yes." I continue to kiss her, relishing in the feel of her warm lips and soft breathy moans.
"Bella?" I whisper against her lips after a few moments. I am sure she hears the excitement and desperation in my voice.
"Yes?"
"I need to ask you to let me do something."
"Okay."
"Well...I want to smell you," I request a little awkwardly.
"Can't you smell me now?"
"No, I mean I want to inhale your scent—all over. I need to make sure I'm desensitized if we are going to spend the next three days together in close proximity."
I hope I haven't offended her with my odd request. Bella chuckles quietly. "It's been so long since someone wanted to sniff me more than kiss me. Go ahead Edward."
I start at her right temple and skim my nose down the side of her face relishing in the heat and softness of her cheek. Then I move on to to one of my favorite places on her body...her neck. I spend countless minutes inhaling the scent of her blood, so close to the surface of her skin. I rub Bella's arm lightly as I flick out my tongue to taste her neck and then I am smelling another distinctive and yet intoxicating scent from Bella. I smile as I realize she is affected by me as much as I am by her.
I move my lips down, gently kissing her shoulder. "Bella," I say softly against her shoulder.
"Yes?" she says slightly breathless.
"Would it be all right if you lay on your back so I can access.....other areas," I say. I don't want to be too blunt but if I am going to have any chance of being intimate with Bella, I know I need to desensitize myself to all of her scents, especially the sweet scent of her arousal. It is strong enough to make me lose all of my control if I'm not careful.
She takes a deep breath and moves from me slightly to lay on her back. I move in and resume lightly kissing her shoulder before I move down to skim her collarbone with my nose, taking in huge doses of her heavenly scent.
I place a kiss directly upon the thin lace covering her heart, which is beating wildly. I smile against her as I hear the skip and stutter of her heartbeat, which reveals the level of her excitement. I also see her nipples hardening under the thin lace, also revealing the level of her excitement. I inhale deeply, noting that the skin around her breasts is extra fragrant. I know it is not gentlemanly of me but I can't stop staring at her hardened nipples. I am mesmerized by them and those nipple rings that are clearly visible through her flimsy coverings.
As I lean in and breath directly over her breasts, I notice that my cold breath seems to make them harden even more. I smile and lightly brush them both with my cool lips. Bella moans and I smile. It is so gratifying to give her physical pleasure. Why did I deny us this for so long? And when the moment is right, I am still determined to pull on those nipple rings with my teeth.
Feeling emboldened, I move between her legs and lean back on my heels. I stare into Bella's eyes which are now dilated, signifying how aroused she is feeling. I reach down to the bottom of her camisole and once she gives me a slight nod, I push it up slightly, to bear her naked stomach to me. I place light kisses directly around her navel and she giggles.
"That's ticklish."
"Sorry," I say but without sincerity. I like her giggling. But then as I press a kiss just below her belly button, just above the waistband of her slip, she goes back to moaning and I decide I like Bella moaning even better than giggling.
After taking several deep breaths of Bella's scent, I move down to my ultimate target: the honeypot. I press a kiss over the lace that covers the middle of her pubic bone and am rewarded with an overpowering assault of Bella's scent. The sweet smell of her arousal assaults me and I relish in it. Emmett was right. It is like a honeypot. I can feel the warmth from her center and I close my eyes tightly, trying to control my instincts which are telling me to dive in and just take all the honey that she is offering. The problem is those same instincts are directing my attention to her femoral arteries that run so close to her center. I stop breathing immediately. I clench the sheets on each side of Bella, willing the image of me sinking my teeth into her thigh and drinking my feel away.
My first reaction is panic. I can't do this. I knew it. Then I remind myself of the whole point of this exercise: to familiarize myself with the feelings being this close are going to invoke and learning to control them. I force myself to take shallow breaths, acclimating myself to the scent of her juices, the scent of her warm blood rushing through her veins so very close to the surface of her thighs, and that overall freesia scent that is simply Bella. I find it's intoxicating but manageable when I concentrate on my ultimate goal: pleasing Bella.
Bella, apparently recognizing my struggle, lies very still. After a few moments she cautiously and slowly moves her hands down to my head where she runs her hands through my hair in a soothing manner.
"Bella?" I ask her in a whisper, my words vibrating against her pubic bone, where my mouth is resting.
"Hmmm?"
"May I.....go lower?"
"Yes. If you want to." And the fact her juices are flowing even heavier all of a sudden punctuates her assent to my request.
I slowly move down, skimming my nose directly across the center of her warmth and then I kiss the tops of both of her things. I continue to reign kisses down her left leg. Once I make it to her left foot, I can't help it. I reach out and lick the instep of her ankle, imagining her in those damn high heels again. She moans deeply when I do this and I flick out my tongue again and again.
"Edward," she moans breathlessly and I look up to see that she has closed her eyes and she is licking her lips while she pants. I quickly make my way to her right foot and lick her instep over and over. She moans my name again and I smile with pride as I kiss my way up her right thigh. However, this time I deliberately push up her slip as I make my way but her to her right thigh. The honey is flowing and I realize too late some has made its way down to her right thigh. As my lips skim her thigh I get my first taste of Bella's essence. Since becoming a vampire nearly ninety years ago, I have tasted nothing that is appealing to me except for blood. That was until today. I lick greedily, like a dying man thirsting for water. I am even able to ignore the artery so close to where I am concentrating my efforts.
Bella's moaning has picked up again and her hands return to my hair. She is not being soothing anymore. She is taking. She is gripping my hair and pulling with all her might, though it does not hurt me. I take a break from my small feast to look up and see her head is thrown back and she is panting and chanting my name. I had planned to move to the other thigh to lick up the delicious treat resting on her left thigh for me but the sight of her head thrown back while she pants my name has cast me under some sort of spell. Like a sirens call I am pulled to her and I move up at vampire speed to rest my lips against her exposed throat.
"Oh god Bella, what are you doing to me?" I pant against her throat, reaching out to lick at the small sheen of sweat that has formed there.
"What are you doing to me? You never have wanted to touch me or kiss me like that before," she tells me.
I pull back to look into her eyes. Jasper's comments about how she felt undesirable because of the way I refused to push the physical aspect of our relationship in Forks returns to the forefront of my mind. I have to tell her.
"Bella, I always wanted to touch you and kiss you and make love to every inch of your body. I was too afraid to let myself try. I thought it was selfish to take pleasure from you when I knew it compromised my control and that you could get hurt in the process."
"What's changed?" she asks.
"I'm still afraid but I refuse to give into that fear. I just have to be stronger. You deserve to be worshiped like the beautiful goddess you are and if you will let me, I want to do that. I want to try at least."
I take a deep breath, preparing myself to be further honest with Bella. "I know that I am....old fashion, at least by today's standards, but I am a man with desires and wants just like anyone else. I admit I am still afraid of giving into those desires and needs sometimes but if you will be patient with me, I want to take the next step when you are ready."
"Oh Edward!" she cries and reaches out to bring my lips down to hers. Suddenly the mood has shifted and while the desire is still there, boiling under the surface, right now, in this moment in time, safe in our self made cocoon, free from the world that includes Julian, regrets, law books, mistrust and all of the negative things, the exchange of spoken words of mutual love and desire and soul piercing kisses are what we need most. She falls asleep in my arms, taking the nap she clearly needs and I hold her, I cherish her knowing that this weekend is going to change everything. So long as my Bella is willing, there is nothing I will ever deny her again.
E/N—Shout out to Mjenn for being my 600th reviewer. And again, thanks to all of you who are recommending this story. That is too sweet for words. Tazz, who is a frequent reviewer and contributor to the Twilighted thread for this story is going to feature it on her blog this week. Her blog is full of summaries, interviews and information about Tazz's favorites fanfiction stories. You should check it out at http(colon)//tazz0617(dot)blogspot(dot)com. All that is twilight belongs to SM.
I received a message today, formally informing me that the story has been nominated for "Best Edward" and "Best Emmett" so far for the gigglesnort awards but that only the most nominated choices will move onto the voting round. If you want to nominate the story (and I would be so flattered if you do), here is the link: http (colon) // gigglesnortawards (dot)mmmboptastic(dot)com.
Please, please let me know what you think. Sis and I had some creative differences on this chapter so we need for you to tell us who is right. Our heated exchange went something like this:
Sis: You cockblocking tease. No one is going to like this chapter.
Missypooh: He is being Edward. Slow and cautious. Not my fault.
Sis: He just needs to find his inner perv and get it over with already.
Missypooh: This is more realistic.
Sis: They are going to yell at you on the forum and tell you that you suck.
Missypooh: Stop being such a grouchy ole bitch and get back to drinking your grey goose.
Please, please tell us who is right in your review or post to the forum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!