Chapter 26 - Convenient Stand?
Tokyo, Japan, 20 April 1986
Well, Jiji said that he'll talk to great-grandmother about the matter of Aqua, but he did say upfront that great-grandmother is very likely to disagree with anything until the containment chamber finished, but he did say that it never hurt to try.
Since this is Sunday, with no school and nothing else to do... Predictably we just end up sitting in front of the television. After the Sunday morning cartoons finished, the morning news started...
...
"And no attempts has been made to investigate the mysterious dinosaur sighting in Tokyo?" said the anchorman to the reporter, who stood at the public garden whose path led directly to our school, where Dino-Darkness end up running around and causing chaos last night.
"There were almost no causalities, the Police deem the event as just another case of mass hysteria, and there will be no further investigation. Noxious gas from sewers has been blamed as the cause, just like all other unexplainable events."
"Mass hysteria... Again?" said the anchorman.
"The sheer ridiculousness of the reports did point out that this was indeed yet another case of mass hysteria. Case in point, the reports are not just about a dinosaur supposedly running amok in Omori, but also a magical girl and a ninja."
We end up looking confused toward each other, did someone else trying to intercept Dino-Darkness as well?
"Ah, just like what happened at Shinjuku and Nerima then..."
"The magical girl was said to be a sixth-grader, flying at the side of a tall, green-wearing muscular man as they give chase to take the dinosaur down."
"Oh, crap... We have been spotted..." I said, thinking about how my face would be soon pasted all over the television. That Magical girl is obviously Megumin riding on Whitesnake, but didn't he refer to a ninja beforehand?
"I AM NOT A SIXTH GRADER!" Megumin fumed while pointing toward the reporter at the television before the screen changed into a rough sketch of...
"What the hell?" I muttered when 'our sketches' turned out to be very different from what we actually are. Megumin is definitely not wearing a frilly red dress and carrying a wand, like your cliche Magical Girl (just a black-and-red sailor fuku) and I was definitely not wearing a green cliche ninja suit with big fucking nodachi strapped on my back (just wearing my green gakuran), they got the student cap right though.
And looking at the obviously imaginary sketch of said cap-wearing ninja and magical girl battling what is a two-story tall Tyrannosaurus Rex only made us simultaneously groan. Darkness' Dino form, while significantly taller and larger than most men, is actually not that huge. Gee, I wonder who drawn those sketches, and why did the Tokyo Metropolitan Police employ them?
"That's not even a dinosaur, dinosaurs have feathers!" whined Megumin.
"SHUT UP! Just be thankful that camera-smartphone has not yet invented here!" I said in irritation as Megumin almost started her rant about 'dinosaurs have feathers'.
"Camera smartphone?" said Darkness, puzzled with my remark.
"Just forget about it..." I said before end up scratching my head, while deep down thinking about the possibilities to get even more riches in this world. Sure, I could borrow the initial investment from Jiji and focused on the smartphone, internet search engine, as well as a social media network. Would be nice if I end up owning Apple, Google, and Facebook here.
I do end up stopping my too early daydream when the reporter talks again, over causalities, and we definitely looked nervously at the television screen, did Darkness inadvertently trample over some innocent men, or...
"And aside of bruises caused by car crashes, the most serious casualty was an old man, who falls unconscious at his balcony due to a minor heart attack. He later recounted witnessing a loli floating upside down at his backyard, showing him her black panties and triggered his heart condition."
*SLAP!*
"WHAT WAS THAT FOR!" I said while nursing the slap mark given by Megumin.
"AN OLD MAN LOOKS AT MY PANTIES AND THAT WAS YOUR FAULT!"
"That was an accident dammit! It's not like you could climb and jump over walls without help from Whitesnake!"
"I wish I could have my own invisible ghost so I do not need to ride yours!"
"Meh, stands not always end up being invisible ghosts..." I said while remembering Iggy's stand that is now used by Jiji, and also Darkness' own stand, which turned herself into a dinosaur. "It's not like you will end up with one anyway, I could steal other stands and turned them into discs, but I won't steal Kakyoin's, and I doubt you'll want to become a dinosaur like Darkness."
"That's a dragon! Not a dinosaur!"
"SHUT UP!"
"I want a stand that could make me perform EXPLOSION all over again!"
"Well, I would bet that, if you got a stand, and it's a big if... All you get would be a harmless cat like Chomusuke," I said while giving Megumin a head pat, which only leaves her fuming.
"I swear you will bites the dust once I got my own stand!"
"And thank you for the report, Kobayashi-san," said the anchorwoman. "And now, criminal news, reporting live from Morioh-cho... Sazanka-san."
"Morioh-cho?" said Megumin, who stopped being angry and start looking at the television screen with concern.
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"Thank you. Just this morning, brutalized remains of a woman have been found at Budogaoka, Morioh. Police said that the forensic team still fully focused to properly identify the still unidentified victim of a rape-murder." said the reporter in front of what looks like an agricultural area, with police already forming a barricade over something located at a rather secluded part near the trees.
...
"We suspects that this poor girl is just another victim of the notorious criminal Anjuro Katagiri, who never being caught since his escape from the prison, four years ago." said a middle-aged police officer, that I guess must be of similar age with my parents. "The Mutsukabe mountain region is currently being swept by police teams to look for possible hiding places of said criminal."
"Can't believe that your town has a brutal serial murderer hiding there, Megumin..." I said while looking at the television screen with disbelief in my face. "I hope that your brother, Yoshikage-san, would be alright."
"Anjuro Katagiri is also the prime suspect for the murder of the Sugimoto family three years ago," said the middle-aged police. "The sheer brutality has always been the signature of his actions. I swear that this murderer will not escape justice!"
"Thank you officer Higashikata," said the Reporter before the screen turned into a mug of a tall, muscular man with ugly face and short, spiky black hair. The text on the screen warned the viewers to immediately contact the Police if they happened to spot this dangerous man.
"Higashikata... Higashikata... And Morioh-cho... Is he somehow related to your brother's girlfriend?" I said to Megumin, who only shrugged in return.
"Well, that onee-san turned out to be just onii-sama's acquaintance who accidentally met him when he does his grocery run yesterday. She tags along with onii-sama because Darkness throws her bike into his car," said Megumin while eyeing Darkness suspiciously.
"Eeeeh?! I... I'm so sorry!"
"No matter, onii-sama already gave her more than enough money so she could buy a new bike altogether. He understands that yesterday was hush money to keep their mouth shut about the presence of Youkais," said Megumin, and I do remember Jiji did end up shelling an unusually large amount of money just for a car that has the windshield and hood being broken but could still be driven into a repair shop.
"Well, a million and a half yen, but that might be just a chump change for your Papa, right?" I nudged Darkness, who could only look guilty at what she has done yesterday.
"Onii-sama gave her the half million part while he used the rest to repair the car, he did say it should be far more than enough though."
...
"Why are you three just spending your time sitting in front of the television like this?" said great-grandmother as she enters the living room while Jiji following her from behind.
"That's exactly why we could trust them to release the Pillar Woman earlier, they would just end up spending their time sitting in front of the TV like this. The containment chamber would be then just used as a backup..."
"NO! The risk is still too high and..."
"But I can't stay at Japan this long," said Jiji while great-grandmother only raised her eyebrows.
"You only recently back home at New York anyway, so what's the deal?"
"Uh... well?" said Jiji while exchanging a knowing glance with me.
"The answer is still no! No awakening the Pillar Woman before the containment chamber is ready."
...
Well, we basically spent all our time today just lazing off in front of the television, even if great-grandmother did bitch at us from time to time about our apparent laziness.
And due to Jiji already being better, once again, my futon was put on the living room while the girls sleeping in my room once again. Sure, tried to argue that the varnish smell shouldn't be that bad, but that gave me no results at all.
...
Tokyo, Japan, 23 April 1986
At least, last night my room returned to be my own PRIVATE room. Megumin's room has been properly aired so the varnish smell no longer being all-overpowering, and Darkness end up sleeping in the nearby room.
Jiji slept in the other guest room, while great-grandmother stays at the furniture storage room to again, watch over the stone-Aqua.
And yes, this does leave me with a rather nice, private time I was deprived of for some time. Now if only my hentai collection is still there and not being burned off in time where internet is practically non-existent...
Well, at least my imagination is still very good... Oh yeah...
Wait, don't even think about Darkness in that situation all over again dammit, she's your aunt now... Think about Megumin or even Aqua... But...
Ah dammit, as far as I know, I am the only one with any sort of mind-reading power. Nobody would know... Nobody would know... Just think of her hot body and...
"WHAT THE FUCK?" I jolted straight up from the futon as suddenly, I imagined some blonde haired, extremely muscular guy looking directly at me from above. Said muscular guy has scar tissue encircling his neck as if the head was sewn onto his body...
To be fair, the blonde guy who suddenly appears in my imagination did quickly avert his gaze while saying 'Eeeew' before his image completely vanished from my mind. The damage has been done though, and now I just found that I can't continue my private activities.
"Dammit!" I cursed while throwing away the tissues while remembering that said buff guy also have the five-pointed star-shaped birthmark on the back of his left shoulder. "Is this the divine retribution for trying to use Darkness in my imagination?"
Of course, I knew that the weird five-pointed star-shaped birthmark is apparently the mark of my family, with Darkness also possessing it, so maybe this was really a divine punishment on my attempt to use her in this matter.
...
"I can't... Sleep... Well..." I said while stumbling upon the food at the table, still being half asleep because I was kept being awake since 03.00.
"I think you would be happier you got to sleep in your own room alone again last night," said Megumin sarcastically while Darkness just grinned a little.
"Papa, a call from uncle Smokey!" said my mother from the telephone while Jiji raised his eyebrows.
"Smokey? Is there something happened in New York?" said Jiji while putting his half-eaten toast to the plate.
"Smokey? You have other relatives?" said Megumin toward Darkness.
"Uncle Smokey Brown, ex-Mayor of Georgia, current Mayor of New York, he just elected into office last year," said Darkness. "Great-grandmother Erina adopted him back then in 1939, he's one of Papa's first friends in New York."
Ah well, I remember him now, the black guy who often included in some of our family photos. And also the first African-American mayor of New York, too.
"Yes... Well, I thought the reports from the Speedwagon Foundation should be enough?... Yes, I do have important business in Japan, unresolved business from 1939... Hah, don't worry about that, everything is under control here... Well, it's hard to say, but... Well, did expert testimony was required? Eh... Of course... The beast-car monster is under control now, so... Well, I never thought that would be required... Eh? The families of the murder victims demand the case be properly resolved?"
Murder?
I stopped chewing my toast at that moment, Jiji's conversation seems interesting enough, especially with 'beast-car monster' being mentioned.
"Oh well, those three unfortunate souls two years ago... It's kind of complicated... Sure, the brutality was exceptional, but as you can see, the perpetrator is not exactly human... I see... The biggest question is how to properly close the case without revealing the extremely classified nature of that... I see... Alright, I will try to look if I could help you there, but... Well, that's up to you... Haha, it's already morning here old pal... I'll call you later..."
"Smokey called?" said great-grandmother while raising her eyebrows.
"I am needed at New York, Speedwagon Foundation business, as being the expert witness..." said Jiji before he is back to the table and starts shoving the toast into his mouth.
"You? Personally?"
"Yes, Personally. I'll tell you the details later, but this is about the brutal murder of three ASPCA veterinary staffs two years ago, the one with their testicles ripped off and shoved into their mouths."
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Oh well, I do recognize those particular deaths... From a certain dog's memory disc that I have the (mis)fortune to watch.
"Should I go with you to America again?" I said while subconsciously put my hand on my crotch, those poor men did die in a very painful way to even watch.
"Why Jozuma said that?" said great-grandmother with raised eyebrows. "This is something involving stands, yes?"
"Well no and yes..." said Jiji while rolling his eyes. "Jozuma didn't need to go there, it would be a simple matter of filling reports and working with FBI liaison. Well, this is the unfortunate background story of my stand, The Fool... You do know that I got it from a dog in New York, yes?"
"Wait, murdered veterinary staffs, you got your stand from a dog... Those two are linked, right?" apparently great-grandmother also realizes the link between them.
"Should've been properly labeled as self-defense. Nobody sane would want to end up being forcibly castrated anyway, but from the human point of view, well... Those three are innocents. It's kind of grave miscommunication, the unfortunate background story of The Fool..."
...
"So that's it, I am needed to go to New York as being an expert witness," said Jiji after he explained why he is needed to go back to New York as quickly as possible, but I am not needed there, so...
"But Joseph, you can't just leave from here. Tell Avdol to..."
"Avdol is an expert in stand matters, but he is not an American citizen," said Jiji while eyeing me. "Just trust the kids will you, they won't just end up tackling you to the ground and wake their Pillar Woman friend."
"With the two being stand users and I'm not? I am outnumbered two against one, while I can't really see Jozuma's stand!" said great-grandmother while eyeing at us with suspicion.
"Well, how to say this... Unless we wake the Pillar Woman earlier from the schedule..."
"NO!"
"But you know mom, I am needed at America, while the containment room would only be finished in the next month," said Jiji as he shrugs his shoulder. "Well then, Lalatina... You're coming home with me then..."
"WHAT?" said Darkness.
"Well, at least this way your Granny wouldn't feel as if she would be outnumbered..."
"Give me a stand then..." said great-grandmother as she keeps eyeing me with suspicion. "So at least I could see whatever thing he has..."
"But Avdol said that he needs to see Lalatina's stand first, something about his study..." said Jiji.
"I meant the stand currently resides in YOUR head if you could control it, so should I..."
...
Long story short, after spending a short time yelling to each other about how Jiji want to keep The Fool while great-grandmother said she needed one... Jiji ends up saying that maybe he could try the assassin's gun stand back in New York, and let Whitesnake do his job.
And Jiji did unsummon his sand-formed left hand while putting on his old prosthetic hand, to be convenient, so...
"Just be careful, don't even try to peek into my memory, understand!" said Jiji in a half-joking tone and I could only roll my eyes with Whitesnake followed suit.
"As if I want to see your memories..."
"Worse! I have seen your grandmother naked! Hihihihi..." laughed Jiji and I could only mockingly cover my eyes. Of course, I could see that great-grandmother is not amused at all with his joke, so...
"Well, I'll try to take only the stand disc then..." I said while Whitesnake put his hand around Jiji's head, feeling the edge of the discs and... "THREE DISCS?"
"What?" said Jiji, who could only end up confused with my statement. "Hold on, three?"
"Yep... Well, I think I intuitively know where the stand disc is and where is the memory disc... You have TWO STANDS Jiji!"
ゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴ
...
Looking at the two discs in my hand, I could only laugh my ass off. Sure enough, the disc with [THE FOOL] written on it has the familiar beast-car monster upon it, but the other disc has [HERMIT PURPLE] written on top, and the picture is none other than...
THE PURPLE YOUNG-JIJI-IN-DRAG, posing playfully with said purple hentai tentacle vines all around his body.
"OH MY GOD! WHY DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME?!" Jiji shouts while everyone else is laughing at the picture on his new stand disc. "PUT IT BACK! I WILL CHANGE HIS APPEARANCE!"
After finished laughing myself off, I do end up putting his new Hermit Purple stand disc back into Jiji's head.
"Well, maybe you should try to summon..."
Sure enough, as soon as Jiji willed himself to summon his new stand out, the one who appears is none other than the Young-Jiji-in-drag that I've seen earlier at New York, only now he could only be seen by me, Darkness, and maybe my mother, but she's still being busy in the kitchen.
"Well, apparently that's the reason why you can't summon The Fool using his original appearance..." I tried to theorize while said Young-Jiji-In-Drag put a rather flirty pose by raising his elbows high in the air, twirling the purple vines around, swaying his hip, and jiggling his obviously fake pair.
All while Jiji's face turned pale as he concentrates to unsummon said drag queen back.
"That must be your real stand being awakened!" I point that out to Jiji, who just frowned, before concentrating to re-summon his stand out.
"Well, I could manage it so only the purple vines appear..." said Jiji while showing the purple vines writhing on his hand.
"The hentai ~tentacles~!" said Darkness and we are back at laughing at full speed.
"Dammit! Jozuma, take this back! I want to use The Fool instead!"
"But I already put The Fool inside great-grandmother's head!" I said while Whitesnake just shrugs his shoulder in concert.
"Well, I could see the... HMPHHH!" even great-grandmother can't hide her laugh when the young-Jiji-in-drag appears again in front of us.
"Dammit! Why can't you went back to being just a bunch of purple vines!" said Jiji in frustration as the Young-Jiji-in-drag pouts before unfurl himself into a series of thorny purple vines that reattach quickly on Jiji's right hand.
"Anyway, the real question is what will happen to The Fool, if summoned by great-granny..." I said while great-grandmother just rolled her eyes and the nearby sand turned up into a long...
"Scarf? You could summon it as a scarf when you first tried the disc?" said Jiji in disbelief...
"Do you expect I will try to summon it as something else?" said great-grandmother while raising her eyebrows. "When you said it will take the form from your memory, all I need to do is emptying my mind and think of something that could be used as a weapon... Like this... That's why you should not forget the discipline aspect of your Hamon training, Joseph!"
Said scarf now morphed into an elegant spear, before dissolving slowly and returning to become a scarf once again.
"Ah forget it... If I tried that, it will end up as that thing again..." said Jiji as he shook his head. "What will Avdol say about my stand?"
"So Jozuma? This is Whitesnake, your stand, yes?" said great-grandmother while pointing toward Whitesnake.
"Yes, so?"
*GRRRK* *THWOMP*
"WHAT WAS THAT FOR!" I screamed while finding myself being thrown onto the ground because Whitesnake is also being thrown to the ground, courtesy of the stand-scarf that entangles his torso.
"Well, just need to make sure this work..."
"Meh... Whatever..." I said while dusting off the dust from my Gakuran, well, I still need to go to school today, so...
.
NOTE :
Yes, Hermit Purple did evolve a humanoid form because if anything, Joseph already has experience handling humanoid stands.