A/N: Ok, here's a RIDICULOUSLY long chapter! I hope it makes up for my missed day of updates.
The month indeed did pass faster than Angeline had anticipated. Before she knew it, she was riding the train all the way back to Paris. Much like the trip down, Cecilia napped on her adoptive sister's lap, only this time she talked less before finally succumbing to sleep. Phillip watched the two most beautiful and important women in his life with pride as they sat across from him. He loved these moments where Angeline took on the role of big sister without any sort of hesitation. His little Irish faery was adorable the way she clung to Angeline and followed her around with completely devoted admiration shining in her oceanic eyes. These details were only enhanced, however, by Angeline's doting gaze and sweet smiles. Angeline truly was a wonder, taking on the caring role so quickly. Ever since their own mother had passed, Cecilia had been needing a woman's touch in caring for her. Having a sister there was more than she could have dreamed.
Angeline looked up from her charge, and Phillip beamed at the momentary glimpse he caught of that most cherished smile. She had not let it change in time and he had finally captured the softness of her grin. He cared little that it faded quickly, only absorbing the moment when it had existed on her ivory face as she lad looked at him.
'At least we'll have a quieter ride this time.' She noted, nodding at the deeply asleep Cecilia.
'It would seem so.' Phillip smiled at his little sister. 'I thank you again for joining us, I know Cecilia was truly overjoyed to share in your uninterrupted company.' He grinned when he saw her give a tired eye roll. He knew Cecilia had hardly let Angeline have a minute alone.
'I got that.' She remembered all of the times she had been followed around by the loyal child.
Phillip laughed, knowing Angeline hardly begrudged the attachment. 'Yes, I imagine you did. Still, it just shows how much she loves you.'
'Oh, I know.' Angeline quickly assured, not wanting to appear resentful. 'She's such a sweet girl. I truly am grateful to her devotion. I had always wanted a sister, or anyone, really. I spent so many years alone, it feels odd yet wonderful to be wanted and needed.'
'Well, that I can most definitely assure you are.' He looked to the sleeping form of his beloved sibling knowingly.
Angeline hummed her assent, looking out the window as she thought of her own words. She thought about the way Erik looked at her and acted around her. He had spent so much of his life alone, with the whole world ridiculing him for his face. Then to have her suddenly show up, needing him. She knew the feeling, at once worrying as well as happily surprising. He must have felt this way, too. And for her.
She felt a pang of guilt over having left him alone for so long. She had thought about him every day and wondered if he missed her at all. She worried what his life had become without her. True, he had clearly survived arguably well before he had met her, but she was concerned some of his more detrimental habits had returned in her absence.
'Are you going to talk to him about what you mentioned to me?' Phillip asked, joy leaving his voice as he watched her thoughts turn away from him.
'Who? What?' Angeline asked, being yanked to the here and now.
'Erik, are you going to tell him about your concerns in living with him?' He persisted, feeling a bit of a sting at her complete loss of concentration.
'Oh,' she looked down at her fingers, still stroking Cecilia's hair. 'Yes, I suppose I will have to bring it up, though right now I'm just anxious to get home.' She hedged, not really wanting to discuss this with Phillip right now. She was starting to regret mentioning it at all. He had brought up the fact that she had been living with Erik for quite some time without any sort of chaperone, and though Phillip knew she trusted the man, it still did not change the fact that he was that, a man. If he were a relative it would be better, but as it stood Phillip felt the impropriety of the situation. He had raised this topic carefully, only to find that Angeline had come to realise it and had yet to address it. This worried him, for he was concerned her dependence upon Erik would keep her from branching out on her own life path. At least, that was what he had claimed. His real reason had been that she would begin to grow too attached to the man and would turn away from other…options. He hardly called his own feelings for her to be love, but they were certainly growing quickly the more time he spent with the angel. He also worried that Erik would one day refuse her if she desired to leave. Phillip could easily see Erik spiriting her away to some dark place and never releasing her again.
'Well, that wish will be granted soon enough, dear Angeline.' He said, letting his voice drip with his admiration of the beauty before him. He only brightened when he saw her cheeks deepen a shade as she looked down.
Angeline wished the Martins a good evening as they exited the carriage at their home. She thanked them both once more for their taking her with them. To her surprise, Phillip had taken her hand and kissed it, explaining that it had been his pleasure to have her with them, urging her to come by at any time she wished, even if it was not to teach.
She had spent the rest of the journey home rubbing her knuckles thoughtfully. His lips on her hands had felt nice, but did not send the burning shock through her that she had thought they would. Not that she did not like the feeling, it simply fell a bit short of what she had been thinking it would. His touch was gentle but confident. She was so used to Erik's feather-light contact that this felt almost strange, but it also felt more secure and real. She always had the sneaking feeling that Erik would one day disappear like smoke, but Phillip was more tangible and assured in his existence. It was an odd comparison.
Pulling up at the old familiar house, she felt all of her concerns fade away. The darkness of night only enhanced the structure as she approached the front door. She pulled out a key that Erik had given her before she left and went inside, ready to see her greatest friend once more.
Erik was at his desk, working in the candlelight, and all other lights were off in the house. Angeline felt worry brewing in her chest as she knew he had forgotten to leave his work to do this simplest of tasks. She postponed her happy greeting of being home to thank the cabbie for sliding her trunk inside the door. Phillip had already paid the man, so she merely bade him a good night.
'Erik, I'm home!' She happily beamed at him, though he still had his back to her. He seemed not to notice her appearance. Concern gripped her heart even more when he barely turned his head at the sound of her voice. She noted that he was clutching the desk as if trying to remain on his feet. 'Erik?'
He turned more to see her and she almost gasped at the sight of him. Even in the darkness, she could see deep rings under his eyes, and his already thin face looked even more gaunt than usual.
'Angeline?' He said, just barely above a whisper. He looked at her like she was some kind of ghost or dream before his legs suddenly gave out from beneath him.
'Erik!' She cried, flying to his side as he hit the floor. She clutched his arms, trying to hoist him to his feet. 'Erik, please stand up! I need to get you to the bed.' She explained, hauling his mostly limp body up. They just nearly missed getting to the bedroom before he completely collapsed on the soft mattress.
Taking off his shoes, tucking him in under the sheets, she touched his cheek and felt it unusually warm. Placing the back of her hand on the exposed half of his forehead she found he had a fever.
'Oh Erik, what have you done to yourself?' She fretted, dashing out of the room to get a basin of water and cloth. She put the damp rag on his forehead, holding his hand tightly in worry. She was thankful that the fever did not feel extreme, but she wondered what she would do if he needed a doctor, and at this time of night.
It only took about an hour, though, before it broke. He had only endured a bit of chills, during which she had rubbed his arms more in hopes of comfort than anything. The cold was only in his body, as his skin still felt quite warm. She stayed by his side throughout the whole thing, never taking her eyes off him. When she had helped him into the bedroom, she had felt his vertebra through his shirt. He had grown painfully thin in only a month and it hurt her more than words could express. Several times tear spilled over her lashes and down her cheeks at the thought that her absence had caused this. How could she have been so selfish? She had wanted so much to have a break from the everyday routine, but not at this price.
Taking his hand, she knelt beside the bed, caressing it and whispering sweet words to him. She knew he would not hear her, but it gave her some comfort. She did not leave her new spot on the floor beside him. She continued to clasp his hand protectively as if her mere touch could chase away any dark illness that threatened him.
As the hours passed, she slowly fell asleep, resting her head beside his treasured hand.
Erik's eyes slowly flickered opened. He was in his own bed. A searing fear burned though him as he worried if somehow the past nine months had been nothing but a beautiful dream. Then he felt the unfamiliar touch of a hot breath on his fingertips. Looking down he witnessed a sight that took his breath away.
Angeline was asleep holding his hand. Her head rested on the bed, just barely touching his leg and his fingers only inches from her mouth. If he only reached out slightly he could touch her, caress her lips, but no. He could never bring himself to do something like that. He had longed for such things before and had all hopes dashed upon the rocky cliffs of disappointment. He had honestly begun to wonder if she had truly existed or if she had been some kind of wonderfully taunting hallucination that had haunted his days. Having her leave had put these assumptions to the forefront, but now she was here, touching him. Him! The temperamental recluse that hid in shadows!
He noted her dress, then, and its colour surprised him. It was of black satin with white lace accenting it perfectly. He never thought she would look so beautiful in black, wondering what had inspired her to buy such a gown. It mattered little, however as he watched her with amazed reverence, admiring how her eyelashes curved, her eyebrows arched, and her jaw folded delicately into her smooth neck. He tried to memorise the perfect spirals her curling hair made on the bed, fanning out around her head. The warmth of her slender fingers and soft palms was agonising in its tender beauty. He wanted to stay in this moment forever, to have her here, beside him for all time, but alas it was not meant to be. A thing is not truly beautiful if it lasts forever.
Her eyes began to open ever so gently, slowly beginning to focus. She looked up to see Erik's kind gaze upon her. He noted that the black colour of the dress made her hazel eyes look darker, more charcoaled. Things started to come back to her and she rushed forward, suddenly hugging him.
Erik could not breathe. He gasped for breath, but the scent of her hair, her hands protectively holding his arms, and –god forbid- the weight of her head on his chest sent his mind reeling.
'Oh, Erik,' she said into his chest, sending the reverberations of her voice through his every bone. 'I'm so glad you're alright!'
His arms frantically tried to decide what to do. To hold her might kill him, but to push her away would be no better than ramming a spoon into his heart. Then she did the most unspeakable thing he could have ever imaged. She started to cry.
He felt every tear stain his shirt and every sobbing breath she took as she pressed herself desperately against him. She clung to him with an urgency that sent his heart skipping like a stone over a lake. He felt her legs coil on the bed beside him, brushing his own with only the barrier of fabric to hinder their contact. He thrust his mind from this before it sent him into a catatonic state.
She looked at him, then, sending his heart six feet under.
'I was so worried about you! You passed out and you had a fever, and you're so thin, and I didn't know what to do, and I…oh, Erik!' She buried her face again as words failed her.
He had no words either. Her tears had taken them all away. Her crying for him had rendered his mind useless. He felt his hand come to her back, slowly making soothing circles. He guessed this was the right thing to do as she slowly began to calm down.
'When was the last time you slept?' She asked, curiosity getting the better of her sorrow.
Erik thought on this for a moment, vaguely remembering the haze of days that had silently slipped by. 'About ten days ago.'
Her expression of utter despair nearly killed him.
'It's all my fault.' She wailed, utterly undone.
He would take that spoon to the heart, now.
Erik replayed the words over and over in his head, making sure he had heard them right, and then just to further punish himself. How could he make her think that?! She was his precious Angeline and his own irresponsible actions had sent her into hysterics! He had completely ignored her request for him to take care of himself, thinking it would only affect him, yet here she was struggling to breathe from tears.
'Angeline, Angeline! No! This is not your fault!' He urged, coming back to reality a bit. 'Please don't do this to yourself! It's not your fault! Please!' He begged, feeling his own despair cracking in his voice. 'I should have listened when you told me to take care of myself, but I was too stupid to think it would matter. I'm so sorry, Angeline! Please forgive me! Please stop crying!' He held her now. He was too distraught to fully savour the feeling of her silken curls as they coiled through his fingers, or how she melted at his touch.
Angeline slowly began to regain her breath as she felt the tremors of his breath in his torso. He still clung to her like she did him. Relaxing her grip slightly, she gently forced her head up to look at him. His eyes looked through to her heart placing countless apologies and pleas of forgiveness at it.
She smiled, causing his eyes to turn to shock. 'I'm just glad you're alright. I was so worried.' She repeated reassuringly.
He could not have been more surprised if she had told him he could fly. She clearly still put some of the blame on herself, but at least she was not crying anymore. Plus, she still rested on his chest, her body having the most perfect weight upon him. He almost cried at how comfortable it felt her have her here, in his arms.
'You're so thin.' She said, turning once more remorseful.
'And you're so pale for someone who was supposed to be in the country.' He retorted, not wishing her to focus on him.
'Years of practice.' She grinned slyly as she echoed back his words. He smiled at her wit and memory of that day. They shared a laugh, finally sniffling away all earlier sadness.
'Here,' she said suddenly, pulling from his arms. 'Let me go make you something to eat.' She explained at his slightly broken expression. He had wanted nothing more than to continue holding her to him.
She had turned and begun to step towards the door when she felt his hand snag hers. Looking back, she saw his surprise at his own actions, and yet he could not bring himself to let go, or to speak.
'I'll be right back, I promise.' She assured with a little squeeze of his fingers.
'Wait, did you see what was in the window in the study?' He asked anxiously.
'I can't say that I did. I was a bit busy trying to drag your fainting body in here.' She said with a huff of sarcastic laughter.
His returning apologetic cringe faded quickly. 'I wanted to show something to you. I had hoped it would be a surprise.'
'Then I won't look.' She answered with a comforting smile. With one more squeeze to his fingers, she left, keeping her gaze at the floor so that his surprise would remain unseen. He watched her with astonished reverence at her compliance with his odd request.
Erik heard her in the kitchen, rummaging through his admittedly low stock of food stuffs and quietly cursing this fact. He felt guilty, but he also could not help the grin that formed in the corner of his mouth. He was just happy to hear her voice again. To know that she was back with him. He did not dare to think about the state of the cracks in his heart since her return and the fallout of that unconventional reunion. He had intended something far happier when she had first left, but as the days had stretched on, he had found himself falling deeper and deeper into hopelessness. He had come a long way since her appearance in his life, but just a few weeks without her and he was right back to where he had started; maybe even worse, if he was being honest. He worried at how much pain he had caused her in his sick and starved form. He really hated having to have put her through that again, but he also could not guarantee that it would not be any different if the situation were to repeat.
Noting the dampness of his shirt, Erik eyed the door, left open just a crack, wondering if he could manage a change of clothing before she came back. He silently slipped out the bed and over to the bureau that still held all of his clothing. Taking out a nice clean shirt he rapidly took off his soaked one and was beginning to put the other on when he heard a slightly intake of breath behind him. He turned to see Angeline quickly heading back into the living room, eyes still averted from the study, but the back of her neck clearly showing her blush. Mind spinning on what to do, he finished dressing and came out to where Angeline stood.
She jumped a little when he put his hand on her shoulder. Her face was still bright red and she kept her eyes down at the tray in her hands.
'I'm making soup, but I thought you would like some tea while we waited.' She rattled off, praying beyond anything that he would not bring up what had just happened. She did not wish to think about it.
Erik was tense, wondering if she would ask about the scars he knew to criss-cross his back, much like hers did on her arms. 'Do they bother you?' He had no idea where the question came from, and by the deepening shade of her face, he wished for nothing more than to rescind them.
She calmed quickly, knowing this meant something to him. 'What, your scars?' She looked up at him questioningly. 'No, not particularly. I must admit I'm a little jealous as backs are easier to hide than arms, but I partially made that choice, so…' She trailed off, watching relief pour into his eyes. He was forever amazed by this woman. 'Shall we?' She nodded from the tray of tea things to the bedroom.
'Can we not eat out here?' He offered, feeling a bit uncomfortable.
'No, because I need to ensure that you will sleep at some point.' She grinned knowingly at him.
Reluctantly, he consented, going back like a child being sent to his room after doing something naughty. Angeline almost laughed, but feared her explanation would bring back unwanted memories for him.
After dinner, where Erik took some time to convince her he could handle eating without her assistance or constant stare, he merely enjoyed watching her.
'Did you have a nice trip?' He asked finally, having somewhat forgotten the cause of her leaving him.
'Oh, yes.' She smiled broadly, happy memories lighting up her face. 'It was absolutely beautiful there! They had lavender fields of the most gorgeous colour that stretched on and on until it just looked like a sea of purple. Cecilia and I raced many times through their rows, I winning most of them.' She added proudly. 'The house we stayed in was very nice, as well. Plenty of light to read by. They had a piano in both the parlour and the library. I spent a lot of time in the library.' She winked at his rolling eyes. He knew her and reading. 'I sang almost every night, and you will be happy to know that I have regained my E, though the F still alludes me.' She sighed with mock disappointment. 'Oh, and I rode a horse!'
'Really? You'd never ridden before?' He asked, noting the excitement of her tone.
'No, and I learned that women ride differently from men.' She pointed out.
'Yes,' he said slowly, wondering why this was noteworthy.
'I did not know this.' She looked down at her hands with a grin spreading across her lips.
'Oh, I see.' He said, his eyes widening.
'You would have loved the expression on Phillip's face when I mounted the first time.' She grinned gleefully at him.
'I'm sorry I missed it.' His eyes flickering with a fiery joy.
'Yes, the whole trip was a lot of fun. We walked through gardens, they visited with a few old friends while I stayed at the house to read, and we even shopped in the small town. I really think you would have liked it there. Despite all of the sunlight, it was really quite nice and peaceful. The people there were very easy going.'
He smiled at her trying to sell the idea of him enjoying it there. He did not doubt that with her by his side he could enjoy the sunniest, most populated city on Earth.
'I'm glad you had a good time.' He said, smiling softly.
'I missed you.' She said suddenly, taking his hand.
'And I missed you, too.' He answered after finding his breath again. He had not realised how much, but he had desperately missed holding her hand.
'Now, you'd best get some rest,' she said, pushing him back so that he would lay down. 'I can't have you passing out on me again.' She gave him a warning eyebrow when he was about to protest, but the feeling of her hands on his shoulders would have silenced any words he had. He tired once more to argue, but this time she held up a finger, tapping his nose slightly. 'Erik, I will tie you down.' She threatened.
He grinned slyly at this. 'You would try.' He retorted before they both softened with laughter.
'Just sleep, you stubborn thing.' She scolded, shaking her head at his persistence in challenging her.
'If you insist.' He relented, smiling as he watched her leave. How odd it felt to be taken care of this way. He felt like what he imagined a child would; his own history offering no insight into the normal order of such things. Still, it pleased him immensely to find that Angeline had not changed or grown to hate his company…yet. It was bound to happen eventually, he was sure. But for now, he would simply enjoy her smiles.
A/N: There now, isn't that better? Just wait until morning when he reveals his surprise for her. I just know you'll love it. She certainly will. I hope this makes up for my missed day. Thanks again, IfICannotMoveHeaven for your kind encouragement!