Fandom: Transformers G1, season 3 (now with IDW aspects)
Author: gatekat
Chars: Prowl, Primus
Rating: PG-13
Codes: AU, Afterlife
Summary: Primus makes another attempt at a rational conversation with Prowl.
Notes: klik = 1 minute, breem = 8.3 minutes; joor = 1.2 hours; orn = day/32 joor; metacycle = 6 (5.9285) years; vorn = 83 years/14 metacycle
This Winter Won't Last Forever 26
"Prowl?"
For all the voice's soft, gentle manner, it is a demand to awareness, a direct order I can resist no more than I could Prime's.
I don't want to respond. Responding means awareness. Awareness means unrelenting agony and chaos.
"Why won't you let me fade?" I hear myself half ask, half demand. It's unlike me, but here I have no programming to keep me in check, no battle computer to give me odds or suggest the best course of action. All that's in me now are emotions; raw, uncontrolled and some I don't even have names for. "Or at least allow me to forget."
"Sparks can no more cease than I can, little one."
I know he means it gently, but even when I try, I can't take it that way. He's condemned me. If I had any idea that the Well would be like this I would have submitted to the treatments forever to avoid it. At least within my frame I could control it somewhat.
"It does not need to be that way, Prowl. There are many who love you and wish to meet..."
"NO!" I can't even attempt to restrain the scream, the denial, the terror the prospect generates in me.
"Prowl, they cannot lie here, or to me," the voice is strong, demanding I believe.
"Than you know how badly I do not want to feel these ... things," I find myself growing, only to have him respond with a brush of affection and support that makes my spark roil with building rage until he withdraws.
"I can take the pain away, if you allow me to."
"Why wouldn't I?" I hear the demand as if it's from another person. I am distant from this conversation, detached from what is happening. "The worst you can do is force me to continue to exist as I am, which you have already determined to do. Anything is an improvement."
Suddenly he's before me, as large as a giant star to me as my awareness expands to include a space beyond myself and the voice. Tendrils reach out from the giant, prismatic spark to encompass the minuscule dot that is mine. Pleasure rips through me until it's pain, only to shift to pleasure once more.
I scream, thrash, try to pull away and press closer all at the time. It's not unlike the first time I spark-merged, the way Prime's spark could consume mine if I wasn't completely prepared for its strength.
"So much hate," his voice echoes inside me now, full of sadness and grief.
"You sound surprised," I growl back, the dual struggle only getting stronger the deeper Primus gets. I can feel him tearing parts from my spark only to weld fresh energy in to replace it. Yet as battle-primed as I am, I can feel the pain of emotions gradually fade. The backlash that strong emotions have always caused is cooling, settling to a level I can cope with easier.
I don't know, don't understand, but it's working. For the first time since the emotional protocols were installed, I find myself drifting into recharge peacefully.