Chapter Twenty-Six: Reconciliation

"It seems there's just so many roads to travel

It's hard to tell where they will lead

My life is scarred, my dreams unraveled,

Now I'm scared to take the leap"

"Every Man" – Casting Crowns

Jean entered the Professor's study with Scott, whose face was already turning a spectacular shade of purple from where Buffy had punched him, to find the Professor sitting at the window, staring out at the gently sloping lawns. He turned his head as they entered, and started to smile at them, only to pause and frown as he saw the expression on Jean's face.

"What the hell were the two of you thinking?" she hissed. "Do you have any idea what you've done to her?"

"Jean -" Scott said softly, only to stop in mid-sentence as she frowned fiercely at him.

"That child has been through hell in the last two years, but especially in the last two weeks," Jean said angrily, having gotten a good look inside Buffy's mind when she had been trying to extract Xavier's splintered consciousness. "I honestly don't know what to think about the incredibly poor judgment that both of you showed."

"My dear, let me explain," Xavier said quietly, holding up his hand to stop the flow of words coming from the angry redhead's mouth. "It was not an easy decision, believe me. But it was the only choice we had."

"Oh, really?" Jean tapped her foot on the ground and crossed her arms. "You've never heard of talking about it? Instead you go straight to inflicting trauma on an already traumatized young woman?"

"We had both already tried to talk to her about it, Jean," Xavier said quietly. "Every time we brought the subject up, she closed down on us. She wasn't sleeping, wasn't eating well, and if what I saw in her mind from picking up random thoughts from her was any indication, her fear and her nightmares were devouring her from the inside. If we didn't do something drastic to break the cycle, she was going to go insane from the fear and trauma."

"I didn't want to take the chance on losing her, Jean," Scott said quietly. "I'd rather have her hate me for the rest of our lives, then be driven insane and locked away for her own safety."

Jean frowned. "It was that serious?"

Xavier nodded. "As I said, it was not an easy decision, but both Scott and I saw how little strength she had left to resist the nightmares. If we let it go on even one more night, she probably would have fallen under the pressure in her own mind. Shocking her like we did in the Danger Room gave me a chance to get past her own mental shields. It wasn't meant to traumatize her even more. I underestimated the severity of the nightmares and the trauma that she went through. I was hoping that if she saw that Scott was in danger, she'd be able to fight her way past the fear to save him." He shook his head. "I was counting on her anger and what happened to her and what was happening to Scott to give me an opening to help purge her mind, to reduce the immediacy of the dreams, and to give her some distance from the event to give her a chance to heal."

"Did it work?" Jean asked acerbically.

Xavier winced. "Not in the way that I had hoped. I did get a chance to get inside her mind and give her that distance, but oddly enough, it was her fear that got me inside. When she got trapped in the nightmare a little while ago, I was able to convince her to let me inside her mind to help her. She consented and I succeeded in my goal. She's still very fragile, though. If she goes home tomorrow, the way she wants to, she'll only be overwhelmed again. That city is too dark for her to face it just yet."

Jean fell silent, thinking about the Professor's words and revelations. She hadn't realized just how close to breaking Buffy was. It was true that everyone had a breaking point. It was a measure of Buffy's strength that the horrors that she had experienced hadn't broken her sooner.

Xavier caught her eyes. "Jean, believe me, if there had been any other option, I would have taken it."

Storm searched the mansion thoroughly after agreeing to find Buffy and talk to her. She knew every hiding spot, nook, and cranny in the place, having tracked down many upset students over the years.

Finally she found Buffy in the stables, of all places, looking at Jean's favorite horse, a beautiful bay mare named Sunrise. The mare had come to the stall door looking for attention, and Buffy was absent-mindedly stroking the mare's nose, trying to stifle her tears.

"Buffy?" the weather goddess said quietly, stepping up alongside the Slayer. Her voice was soft and gentle, and Sunrise whickered softly, recognizing Ororo's voice. "Are you all right?"

Buffy shook her head and brought her free hand up to wipe furiously at her eyes.

Ororo reached out and patted the mare on the neck. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Buffy shrugged. "I'm sure you already know all about it."

Ororo sighed. "Buffy, Jean and I didn't know anything about the incident in the Danger Room. We were caught completely by surprise. I don't particularly agree with the Professor's methods in this case. I trust him with my life, and I don't think he or Scott meant to hurt you."

Buffy whirled on the older woman, making the mare shy and back up several paces. "You saw what they did to me! They knew what the Master did to me, and then they pulled that on me!" she hissed furiously. "I thought Scott loved me, but he must not or he would never have considered doing something like that."

"Buffy, Scott does love you," Jean said, entering the stables and calling Sunrise forward, offering the mare a carrot. "He was frantic with worry about you when he got your email, and he's been extremely worried about you ever since you got here. He didn't use the best judgment in the world, and believe me, I've already given him and the Professor an earful about their choices, but he does love you. You're all the family he has left."

Buffy turned away from the two women. "Then why did he have to hurt me so much?"

Jean gently laid a hand on Buffy's shoulder. "He didn't mean to, Buffy. The Professor and Scott both underestimated how severely you had been hurt. We've all seen horrors since discovering our powers, and we're adults. We've learned to cope with things that most people cannot possibly imagine. They were trying to help you in the only way they knew how, since you wouldn't talk to them about it. They were hoping that if they gave you a reason to fight, you'd be able to push aside your fear long enough to save someone you loved. If you could do that, it would give you a chance to get some perspective on recent events and be able to think about them logically, rather than just reacting to them."

Buffy turned away from the two women and looked at Sunrise again. The mare whickered softly and nudged the Slayer, looking for more scratches.

"Buffy, Professor Xavier would like to speak to you when you've had a chance to think about things," Jean said. "At least consider giving them another chance to help you before you go home. We're all worried about you, and we really do want to help you. You're Scott's family, and you're our family by extension. We all care about you."

With that, Jean squeezed the younger girl's shoulder reassuringly, before gesturing to Storm to leave her alone and give her some space to think. The other woman followed Jean out of the stables, leaving Buffy and Sunrise alone.

Buffy, Jean sent to her telepathically, making her look up at the retreating redhead. There's a saying I heard once, a long time ago. "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." Think about that before you make your decision. And remember that Scott loves you more than you can imagine.

Xavier's Study…three hours later…

A soft tap on the door made Xavier look up from the paperwork he was trying to work on. Running a school took a lot of time and required a great deal of paperwork. Every year it seemed like more and more requirements had to be met in order to remain licensed to operate.

Pulling his thoughts from the morass of paperwork, he called out, "Come in!"

The door eased open slowly, until he could see Buffy framed in the doorway, an uncertain look on her face. Pushing aside the paperwork for the moment, he backed his chair away from the desk and maneuvered around until he was in front of the desk. "Please, come in Buffy. Have a seat." He gestured towards one of the comfortable, overstuffed armchairs in front of the fireplace.

Buffy moved hesitantly into the room, but paused halfway between the door and the chair. "I need to know something…" she began, before stopping mid-sentence.

Xavier nodded. "Of course."

She swallowed nervously, before forcing herself to continue. "Did you really do that to help me?"

Xavier nodded instantly. "Yes, Buffy. I would never deliberately hurt you." He sighed. "Buffy, despite my powers, my abilities, I'm still human. My powers give me a greater insight into the human mind and the human psyche, but that doesn't mean I can't make mistakes. I underestimated how badly you had been hurt, and for that, I do apologize." He gestured towards the chair again. "Please, sit down."

Buffy hesitated again, and then took the proffered seat. "Why did you do it?"

"It was the only way I could think of to help you," Xavier replied. "You're a strong, powerful woman, and I was certain that if you had a strong enough reason, you could fight your way past anything to save someone you love."

Buffy shook her head, blinking back tears, determined not to cry again. "But with everything I've been through recently…and you used my worst enemy…"

Xavier nodded. "It was a mistake, Buffy, and it won't happen again. I promise, and Scott will too. We still want to help you, and we still want you to enjoy your stay here. Scott had made plans to take you into the city next week, and was trying to get tickets for a Broadway show."

Buffy frowned as she thought. "You promise you won't try anything like that again?"

Xavier nodded. "Of course. Although, if you have no objections, I would still like you to work in the Danger Room with Scott and the others and show them some of your skills. No vampire enemies this time. I'll program enemies that the X-Men usually face instead, which will give you a change and a chance to polish your skills on other types of opponents."

Buffy sighed. She still wasn't sure she could trust them, but she had been looking forward to spending a lot of time with Scott. "All right, Professor. I'll stay, but give me some time before you set up another Danger Room session. I still need time to deal with what happened."

Xavier nodded. "I understand, and I do apologize." He thought for a moment, before smiling. "In fact, I know something that you can do to help me."

"Oh?"

Xavier nodded. "Given what I know about your experiences, how would you like to design a scenario for Scott and the others? It will be a complete change of pace for them, and you can set whatever limits on it that you would like. If you want them to try fighting vampires, we can do that, or if you want them to go through some of your adventures, we can probably work out how to do that as well."

Buffy frowned, not sure she understood. "More reliving of my past?"

"Only if you want to," Xavier explained. "If you want to design something original, I'll help you with that instead. It would let you watch Scott and the others in action, as a team, and might give you some ideas of what you want to teach them, if you decide you want to. Plus you'd be up in the control room, so you wouldn't have to participate. You can just watch."

Buffy considered it. It would be a good way to teach Scott the truth about her world, and while watching him run the obstacle course had been interesting, she really wanted to see how the whole team performed. "Sure, I guess. But give me a few days."

Xavier smiled. "I understand. I'll keep them working on the scenarios I design, and it will probably take at least a day to program the Danger Room with your scenario."

Buffy nodded. "All right."

"Scott's in the garage working on his car, if you want to go and talk to him," Xavier told her.

Buffy sighed. "I guess I'd better." She rose to her feet and headed for the door.

"Oh, and Buffy?" Xavier said.

"Yeah?"

"It wasn't Scott's fault. He trusted me when I suggested the Danger Room program. He wasn't too keen on the idea at first, and he really does love you."

Buffy nodded. "I know."

Garage…five minutes later…

Scott huffed in frustration as he spilled the dirty oil on his shirt. He was not having a good day, all things considered. While he normally enjoyed working on his car when he had free time, today it wasn't helping him relax. He was still wound too tightly from the earlier argument with Buffy. However, now that he had started to change the oil in his car, he needed to finish it.

Taking a deep breath, he refocused his attention on the oil plate and repositioned it so that he wouldn't get splashed by the draining oil. Finally, things seemed to be working, and he turned away to get the new bottle of oil.

"Scotty…"

He froze and turned to look behind him. Buffy was standing in the doorway of the garage. Her face was composed, and no longer angry, although her eyes still showed that she didn't fully trust him. His heart sank at seeing that, but he knew he deserved it, and he knew it would take time for her to learn to trust him again. He swallowed. "Hey, Sq…Buffy," he corrected himself quickly, sure she wasn't in the mood to hear him call her by his pet name for her.

She took a few steps closer, although she stayed a good distance away from where he was working, not wanting to get splashed with oil. "I talked with Professor Xavier," she said. "While I'm still not happy about what happened, I've decided to stay, for now at least."

He smiled, relieved beyond words to know that she wasn't going to throw herself back into that pit of darkness that was her hometown. "I'm glad to hear that, Buffy. I'm so sorry about what happened. I honestly did-"

"Didn't know I'd been hurt that badly, I know, Scott," Buffy finished for him. "I've heard it already, from Ororo, and Jean, and the Professor, and now you. I know you made a mistake. I'm willing to forgive it, but I won't ever forget it. I've lost some of my faith, and it will take time for me to fully trust you again. I'm willing to try, but what you did to me…it's not something that can just be set aside as if it never happened."

Scott nodded. "I understand, Squirt. And I'll do whatever it takes to earn that trust." He smiled at her, weakly.

"That's all I ask," Buffy said quietly.

Scott's smile broadened. "May I have a hug?"

Buffy's nose crinkled up. "No way. I have a tolerance for demon goo, but I draw the line there."

He frowned. "Huh?"

"Your shirt, Scott. It's covered in oil. There's no way I'm coming near you when I'm wearing my favorite sweater until you've had a thorough steam cleaning," Buffy replied, backing out of the garage.

Scott shook his head. "Well that won't do at all. If you won't come to me, I'll have to come to you." With that, he lunged at her, but she skipped nimbly out of his reach, turned tail, and ran, avoiding him deftly as he chased her across the grounds and back to the house, with her screaming at him not to come near her the whole time.