I'm so sorry, but I HAVE to study for finals so I can't write this week, so the new chapter won't be up until Friday night. I know, longest wait for an update for me ever-promise to make it up to you and have updates daily on the weekend. However, this is on the long side for a chapter and it develops the story a lot, so I hope you forgive me…Enjoy :)
About an hour after Rue's death, the Mentor Room is still relatively quiet. Katniss has finally pulled herself together somewhat and is on the move again, but from the look in her eyes I can tell that she is still sad and angry at the Capitol. I also see a bit of guilt clouding her expression. I don't know if it's from not saving Rue or not listening to me in the first place, but I'm guessing it's a combination of both. Seeder comes over to me from her station with her blank tablet still in hand, though I can't imagine why. District 11 still has Thresh as a hope, but Seeder no longer needs to be here.
"How's she doing?" Seeder asks me.
"Not well, but she's trying to look strong . Hopefully she doesn't let this affect her too much for the rest of the Games." I reply. Seeder watches Katniss on the screen to see for herself I'm guessing. It's a few minutes before she says anything more.
"I have a rather odd request, but I hope you accept it." she says to me, fidgeting with her tablet in hand.
"What is it?" I ask, perplexed.
"Well, District 11 had pulled together money to send Rue a loaf of our district bread but I wasn't able to send it in time. However, the mayor called me and told me not to pull the gift. District 11 is insisting that I send the bread to Katniss as thanks for honoring Rue. I was hoping you would allow me to transfer the gift to you to send to her." Seeder tells me. I'm in shock. Can we even do that? This has to be a first, a District sending a gift to a tribute from another District. I have to say that this would be by far the strangest gift sent probably in the history of the Games.
"Yeah, sure." I say after I have recovered from my shock. I really doubt that Katniss will know that it's from District 11, but District 11 will know. I can tell Katniss when she gets out why she got this particular gift.
"Thank you." Seeder replies in relief, and quickly transfers the money to buy the gift onto my tablet herself since I don't exactly know how to do it.
When the parachute comes down a few minutes later Katniss looks at it strange for a minute. She's probably wondering why I'm sending a gift now when she's fine on food, but maybe she thinks it's to cheer her up. She can't know what it really stands for-defiance and appreciation. But for reasons I don't understand, she does know that it's from 11 and thanks them out loud for the gift. How the fuck did she know? Seeder is evidently wondering the same, because she has a confused look on her face, but she seems content that the gift was acknowledged even though she didn't expect it to be. I think she's impressed with Katniss, as she pulls her chair up behind where Finnick and I are currently sitting and watches my screen with us. Huh, looks like Catnip has some fans in the Mentor Room.
The death toll comes up for the day and its Marvel, Marisol and then finally little Rue. That's a lot this late in the Games for one day. Perhaps the Gamemakers will even give them a day off to prolong the Games. The Careers are surprised at Marvel's death, and I see a slight hint of fear in Clove's eyes. Damn straight you should fear her, you fucking heartless bitch. I don't know why Cato doesn't seem to fear Katniss. But then again, Cato doesn't seem to be one that fears anyone or anything-plus he might not be totally sane. They assumed correctly that Katniss killed him to avenge Rue, but are still clueless as to how she really did it. What they believe is that she set up yet another snare that he stupidly got caught in. Hell yeah, you think that! Best lie ever-it's working out even better than I thought. Now they will most likely be more careful when they go through the woods looking for her, giving Katniss ample time to sense them near.
As I watch Katniss settle in for the night in a tree, Haymitch comes up and takes the chair that Seeder left vacant when she went back to her station so that Chaff could sleep. He stares me down for a minute, almost as if he's trying to figure out how to say something. Haymitch at a loss for explaining? That can't be good.
"How's she doin?" he asks finally, though I really doubt he cares too much. Probably just buying time for whatever he doesn't know how to say.
"She'll be okay." I answer and he grunts in approval, "What do you really want to tell me?" I accusingly ask, because I know he's uncomfortable about something. He looks a tiny bit surprised that I caught on but doesn't let it affect his reply.
"The Districts liked her singing and flowers stunt. The Capitolites love her because of her smart moves with the tracker jackers and blowing up the supplies." he says, though I don't really think that's the point because that's not hard to say. No, he's hiding something.
"So." I reply, trying to force him to say whatever he's tiptoeing around.
"She's really popular." He replies. Alright, so what?
"Good, it will get her sponsors." I say, and almost turn back to the screen to ignore Haymitch. I don't see why that was so hard to say. But then out of the corner of my eye I see Finnick and Johanna exchange a knowing, worried look.
"Kid, you know what happens to popular Victors." Haymitch says hesitantly, his eyes boring into me to make me understand. It takes me a second, but when I do figure it out I freeze. No. No fucking way. I'm not letting them do that to her.
"No." I exclaim, but it's clear that my answer is in defiance of what I know will happen than that I don't know.
"There's not a way out of it. We'll help her." Finnick exclaims quietly, remorsefully. Trying to assure me that we can make the best out of it. No. I won't let this happen. I don't fucking care that there's seemingly no way out. There has to be.
"Well I'll fucking find a way. I'm not letting them do that to her!"
"That's only an option if she declines. And seeing as she volunteered for her sister, I really doubt she will sentence her to death." Haymitch points out. Well there fucking has to be another option then, because Haymitch is right on that front. But then I look at Finnick and I realize something. His Annie made it out-hell his Annie isn't even in the Capitol. And he is by far the most popular Victor there is, so that would instantly make her popular. How did she get out of the appointments?
"What about Annie? I don't see her around." I say vaguely, but I know he will know what I mean.
"She's…not a popular Victor. It was never going to be a problem." Finnick tells me hesitantly.
"With you as her lover? I highly doubt that." I almost scoff. Why the fuck is Finnick hiding what he did for Annie from me? It could work for Katniss too.
"That's not a well-known fact. Only Victors and Snow know." Finnick replies, almost going into defensive mode. Well, I guess I am kind of verbally attacking him, but still.
"So? She still doesn't have to do it. How did you get her out of them?" I ask, trying to calm down. Finnick gives me a look, but I can see he's struggling for the right words.
Johanna sees this too, and rolls her eyes as she answers my question for Finnick, "That's because Annie went mad when her district partner was beheaded. No one wants an appointment with a mad girl."
Finnick gives her a death glare and clenches his teeth, "Johanna." he seethes, evidently trying to keep himself from attacking her or something. The rage in his expression is so evident I wonder if he's actually seeing red.
Where the fuck did this Finnick come from? I've never seen him as anything but a nice guy, nothing ever fazes him. But apparently this blunt statement of his love's state of mind is pushing him right over the edge. I'd never thought to see him looking so dark, so menacing. It's just not who I thought he was.
It's at that point that I remember that Finnick won his Games when he was 14, one of the youngest Victors ever. He couldn't have done that if he didn't have at least some of this side that I'm seeing now. I really hope I don't see it too often, because frankly he's scaring the hell out of me, and the rage isn't even directed at me. Johanna shrugs and just says it's true, but I can tell she's sorry that she hurt her friend. Finnick plainly feels he needs to clear his head so that he doesn't rip Johanna to pieces or something, because he gets up and leaves the room without another word.
Once I recover from seeing a hint of the dark side of Finnick Odair, I work up the courage to ask what really happened with his Annie. I know Finnick wouldn't tell me, but I bet Johanna would.
"So she went mad? How did she even win?" I ask. I don't really remember, they don't replay her Games too often. Plus I didn't really pay too much attention to the Games on television over the years though I had to act like I was watching them. I spent a majority of my time trying to keep little Posy occupied enough that she wouldn't watch the television because I didn't want her to see the horror of the Games.
"Yeah, she ran from the Career alliance and hid in a cave for two days, barely eating or doing anything at all. We knew she didn't have it in her to kill anyone else, so we had to think of something to make her a Victor." Johanna informs me in a low voice, "So we did the only thing we could think of."
"What?" I ask, perplexed.
She looks me dead in the eyes, leaning in closer as she whispers it. "We cheated."
They cheated. They cheated the Hunger Games to choose the Victor themselves. Brilliant. "How so?" I ask.
"Finnick convinced the Gamemaker in charge of natural disasters to help him, and when there were four tributes left the dam broke from an earthquake, flooding the whole arena. Annie won because she was the best swimmer, but she was still crazy so she wasn't too popular." Johanna tells me. My mouth drops open in shock. Shit, didn't see that coming. Finnick used the Gamemakers almost like I did with my mutt deal. I don't even want to know what it took him to convince the Gamemaker, but if something like that could save Katniss I could really care less.
"That's great! I can't believe he got away with it." I say, almost grinning because if Finnick can cheat, so can I.
"He didn't." Haymitch informs me forcefully, giving me a stern look which tells me he knows I want to find a way to cheat too. "That move saved the girl, but it cost him his family. They were dead by the time he got home from the Games because Snow found out. The Gamemaker mysteriously turned up dead too." My face drains. Shit. It cost him his family to cheat. I could not knowingly condemn my family to death; the whole reason I do the appointments in the first place is to keep them alive. So no cheating, but there still fucking has to be a way. Shit, I feel bad for Finnick. All he has left is Annie. Annie, who Snow couldn't kill because popular or not, she's a Victor. How the fuck is he such a nice guy with all he's been through? I for sure would be a complete wreck.
"No cheating." Haymitch orders me.
"But there still has to be a way. I won't let him do this to her." I say in defiance, even knowing it's probably futile. But I'm not just going to give up.
"There may be one way." Haymitch offers alluringly, and I almost perk up. What the fuck has this crazy smart drunk thought of?
"Well, what is it?" I ask impatiently.
"End the mystery angle. Give them the answer they want and play it right." he exclaims.
"You want me to tell them that we're what? Dating?" I ask incredulously.
"Yeah exactly. It's kind of a twist on the star-crossed lovers, except not as star-crossed. They sponsors will go crazy for a love story." Haymitch replies knowingly.
"That's not going to help with Snow! He sure as hell won't care." I say, because it's true.
"Kid, it can work. Make them want her to be with you more than they want to be with her. The Capitol falls head-over-heals for that love story shit. It can make her immune to them." He tells me. I want to believe him, I really do. If this could get Katniss out of the appointments, I would be eternally grateful But still, he's forgetting one important detail-Katniss doesn't know I love her.
"She doesn't know I actually love her though. How the fuck is she going to make that work in the arena." I state.
"Who cares? Tell her when she gets out." Johanna says to me as she waves it off, clearly agreeing with Haymitch. It's cheating without cheating.
"I don't want any part of our relationship to be fake." I retort, because it's true. I want Katniss to actually want to be with me, not because she was forced to. "Besides, they aren't just going to believe me. We need proof, which we don't have." I remind them. I could tell the Capitolites anything I want, but even they aren't stupid enough to believe me without anything backing it.
"We do have proof kid." Haymitch replies, staring at me willing for me to understand what he's saying. It takes me a second but then it dawns on me, and I'm seeing red. Is he fucking out of his mind?
"What the fuck makes you believe I would let them have that video." I seethe. I refuse to let them see that video of me kissing Katniss on the roof the night before the arena. No, I can't-I won't.
"Kid, don't you fucking get it? That video goes viral and we get your families to say that you've been secretly dating for a few months, and we have a love story like no other. Not only will the sponsors race at the chance to give her money, but might save both your asses. If you really want sweetheart to not do them, then give up your damn pride kid. She'll forgive you eventually." Haymitch almost yells at me-quietly of course, there are a lot of people here. Then I get it. Why he's been gone so much. Why he wanted this mystery thing to draw out. It's all a big fucking show.
"You've been planning this." I accuse. It's not a question.
"Yep." Haymitch replies flatly. I can't believe he's not even going to deny it. Fuck you Haymitch.
"You don't know her. She'll hate me forever. And then I'll fucking hate you for making me do it." I warn with biting anger as I stalk out of the room to go clear my head.
Before I know it I'm on the roof, pulling at my hair trying to get a grip, warring with myself. I should have seen this coming, and I think some part of me knew. But I was so damn focused on just doing anything I could to help her win that I blinded myself to the obvious. I'm such a fucking dumbass sometimes.
What the hell should I do? On one hand, I don't ever want Katniss and me to have something fake. She is the only person I can truly be myself with, and I would never want to change that. Yes, I kissed her and she doesn't know that I love her, but I hadn't planned on kissing her. I hadn't planned on even telling her about how I feel until after she was out of the Games, when she was safe. And I don't even fucking know how she felt about it because I was such a cowardly dumbass and didn't wait for her to say anything.
I'm grateful for Jullus to take the video for me hid it-I hate that Haymitch probably planned to use it in this way since then. Had I known that there were cameras I might not have been so fucking stupid as to do it in the first place. Still, I can't bring myself to willingly allow the video to be seen for the Capitolites' entertainment. No, I can't do it; I have to find another way. Don't be fake with her. She would hate you forever for doing this. Don't force her into anything she may not want.
In my rage, I take a rather large rock from a pot near me and throw it off the roof. To my almost surprise and disappointment, it bounces right back off the force field and damn near takes me out-I had forgotten about the damn force field. Fucking Capitol; they can't even let me be angry properly, mocking me in this as well. I can't do this, I won't let them force me to ruin my relationship with Katniss for anything.
But then some other part of me is fighting my resistance, whether it is my conscience or my sense of strategy I don't know. It could work. It could get not only her out of the appointments but me as well…no, don't fake anything. Don't force it.
But then I see it, what will happen if I do nothing. They would force her. And before I can get the horrible, maddening, disgusting vile thought out of my head, I'm picturing it. Katniss, who has never slept with anyone, being forced into a bed as a sex slave with some creepy old man, who in my head looks disturbingly a lot like Snow. The image makes me throw the rock again against the force field in my complete rage, though I step out of the way this time so it doesn't hit me.
Would she ever forgive me for not trying to stop her from doing that? Hell, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself, this disturbing image in my head is enough to make me want to rebel. But am I willing to give up our true relationship in order to save her?