– AARON & JACKSON –
– THE LONG ROAD –
"Crossing The Line"
WRITTEN BY DAYNE DINNING
~This fanfic follows on the same day as The Nightmare Begins
# I do not own the characters, or Emmerdale – ITV do.
Chas took her son into her arms as soon as she opened the back door of the pub, and he cried into her shoulder. "You were told this Aaron...you had to prepare..."
Aaron nodded and wiped his eyes as he pulled away. "I have been but its kinda hard preparing for something when you never know when it would come..." he breathed. "You were there with me in that doctor's office two years ago, shocked and frightened as much as me when they told me the news..."
Chas ushered him into the back room. "I know, and I remember going mental at him because he couldn't tell us exactly how long it would take..." she wiped his tears away. "Tell me what happened"
Aaron nodded and sat on the sofa and Chas slowly sat down with him. Her massive stomach restricted things but she was used to it now.
"I was taking a file from the shelf and I reached down into the cupboard and a file on the shelf must have been knocked and it fell and hit my arm, I saw it but I didn't feel it" he explained.
"But you can still move them?"
Aaron nodded. "Yeah but that's not the point it's starting and I'm scared, I can't let it happen...I just can't"
"Right, we fell out over this two years ago and I'm not bringing it back up so we can fight again but did you ever tell Jackson?"
Aaron shook his head.
"You idiot! No wonder he's been drowning his sorrows every time he's in here...he does talk to me you know!"
"Yeah I know he does, I never said he couldn't..."
"That's not what I mean...you've gone about this the wrong way son and you have to fix it, you have to tell him because this is the reason most of your married life has been spent arguing because you've got a secret and because your keeping in the feelings joined with it"
"He'll leave me" he said sadly.
"No! He won't. Don't be so stupid, not for this. But if you carry on the way you have been he will leave and I won't blame him" she sighed. "You know how big he is on honesty..."
Aaron scoffed. "Yeah...well then he's definitely leaving me..."
Chas shook her head. "He loves you, do you love him too?"
Aaron lowered his head and sobbed as he nodded. "I just didn't tell him because I didn't want him burdened with the wait of this, he was already burdened with enough, helping me with most things, cutting up my food, getting things for me..."
"But don't you think it would be better if he'd have known, so that he'd be prepared for this day?"
Aaron let out a breath. "I've done it now haven't I..." he shook his head, angry at the realisation that he'd caused all the arguments, the heartache and the recent lack of communication.
"I don't understand you sometimes Aaron" she spoke softly as she put her arm around him.
"Makes two of us..."
"I'm going to call the hospital, ask to see if there's anywhere in the world that can help, because you have the money to do it...I have to try..." she comforted. "And you need to go home and wait for Jackson and when he's home you have to tell him love..."
Aaron nodded. "I have too, no matter what the consequences are"
Chas hoped Jackson stuck by him, but she knew how much he hated lies. She had no idea what he'd do.
Aaron turned to his mum and smiled. "Do me a favour..."
Chas nodded.
"Don't let that little one near train tracks..." he chuckled.
Chas shook her head in answer and tears fell down her face, she watched him trying to smile and be brave. "Oh love" she said sadly and pulled him in for a hug.
It was half six when Jackson walked in the door, he frowned and was surprised when he saw Aaron sitting on the sofa. He ignored him and walked into the kitchen and saw his mum stood reading a magazine. "Hey...uh how longs he been home?" he asked.
"Since one-ish I think...he said hi, he's sat there all afternoon in silence not saying a word...I didn't wanna bother him"
Jackson nodded. "Ah well" he was still mad obviously.
"I'm making tea, it shouldn't be long" Hazel told him.
"Yeah but not for me tonight, thanks...won't be here..." he told her and walked out of the kitchen and passed Aaron and up to the bathroom to get showered and dressed for a well deserved and long overdue night out.
Hazel sighed; they needed their heads banging together.
Jackson came down the stairs in his jeans, blue checked shirt, and jacket – the smell of his amazing aftershave, wafted Aaron's senses and he came out from his thoughts finally. "What you doing?" Aaron asked softly.
"I'm going out" Jackson replied as he put some money in his wallet and shoved it in his back pocket.
"Oh...right..." he smiled faintly at him but deep down he was disappointed.
"Why?"
"I –I just thought we could spend tonight together"
Jackson laughed. "Yeah okay!"
"Jackson!" Hazel shouted.
"No it's fine Hazel" Aaron told her.
She shook her head at her son and walked away.
"I need to talk to you, it's important – like really important"
Jackson made his way to the front door. "Tough!" he snapped and the door slammed shut seconds later.
The following hours until Hazel went up to bed consisted of them watching the TV with not so much as a look to one another, Aaron wasn't in the mood, and even now alone his mood just got worse. He reached for his can of lager and took a swig, he wasn't drunk or tipsy, he'd just been taking them slowly and enjoying them.
In Bar West, Jackson was at one side of the pool table and Jack on the other. "You won't make this shot mate" Jack told him.
"Oh just watch me" Jackson laughed and he leaned over and potted the black ball signalling his win, he stood up straight, a huge grin on his face. "Not too bad though Jack...you only had a few left..." he said as he handed his cue to the guy waiting.
Jack nodded. "Well next time then..." he smiled.
Jackson nodded as he reached for his pint and then took a swig.
"So how come Aaron didn't come tonight then?"
"You what?" Jackson had to yell over the noise and music and leaned into Jack.
"I said how come Aaron didn't come tonight?" he repeated as he enjoyed his closeness with Jackson.
Jackson pulled away and scrunched his face as he shook his head. "Rather not go there mate!" he waved his hand slightly.
Jack nodded, and watched him as he turned and looked around. He wanted Jackson so badly, and in a way he had used Aaron during their talk to get information as to how the land lay with them, to see if he could get close to him, he didn't have to do anything really. Aaron landed Jack right into his husband's arms...almost.
An hour or so later, the bar was quietening, always did during the week and Jackson and Jack were sat at a table. "This is weird..." Jackson noted quietly.
"What is?" Jack asked curiously.
"This is the same table me and Aaron sat the night we officially became boyfriends...well we were together before that but it was said out loud right here...how we've fallen..."
"What's happening there I mean I'm not being nosey it's just you seem so upset all the time, and when I see him, he's constantly working, he's tiring himself out..."
"Well I hope he does actually because then he'll be home...with me..." Jackson sighed and looked into his drink.
"It'll come right..." Jack smiled and flippantly placed his hand on his arm.
Jackson glanced at the other man's hand touching him, he smiled, he couldn't not, he'd missed closeness with Aaron, and closeness from anyone at this point was great. Jackson looked at him and smiled. "Hope so"
Jack realised his hand was still on Jackson's arm and he quickly removed it. "Oh sorry..."
Jackson shook his head. "It's alright...it's not like it's a crime is it?" he chuckled. "And he isn't here to see anyway, you know I really don't get him" he became frustrated and sighed loudly. "Sorry...Sorry I came out to have a good night and to try and forget for a few hours and he's all I've went on about...it's not fair on you I apologise...I think I'll just go...see ya at work mate" Jackson smiled weakly then quickly got up and began heading out.
Jack frowned, Jackson was hurting and it was a lot deeper than what he'd first thought; now this went beyond the forms of manipulation he'd used to get information from Aaron. He liked Jackson a lot; he wanted to be there for him. He got up and ran out of after him, he looked around out on the streets a few seconds later when he'd gotten out. He saw Jackson leaning up against a wall looking up to the sky taking a breather. He walked to him...
Aaron took out his phone after finally bucking up the courage to do so. He began to text Jackson. It read – Hi, I know you can't stand me at the minute and that's fine because I can't stand myself either...I've hurt you and I've done this to us I know that, I really did just want to spend tonight with you because there is something you need to know but you left so I have to tell you in a text because if I don't I'll never tell you, and if you end up leaving me because of it, then that's the way it'll have to be and I'll pay for that so here goes...two years ago I had a hospital appointment, the usual yearly checks...my results weren't good...they told me my arms were going back to the state they were in after the accident and that it would happen slowly, it's taken two years for it to happen, a file fell on me today and I didn't feel it...so Jackson I hope this helps you to understand the way I've been all these years...I just didn't tell you because you were burdened with enough and now it's going to get worse...if you want to just get out now do it, wouldn't blame you...so if you don't come back tonight then maybe...that's my answer...but just know that I love you and I never have and never will stop. A xxxx
Aaron hit send and he threw himself down and curled in a ball, as he sobbed hard on the sofa.
"It doesn't matter Jackson, you can talk about anything..." Jack tried to reassure him.
Jackson nodded as Jack stepped closer then Jackson's phone beeped; he took it out of his pocket, seeing Aaron had texted him he quickly put it back in his pocket without reading it.
"Why did you come out with me tonight Jackson?" he asked, realising that must have been from Aaron, he was too quick hiding the phone away again.
Jackson looked at him and was taken a back at his closeness, he swallowed hard. "What are you doing?"
"Nothing..." Jack smiled. "I like you Jackson..."
"Yeah and I like you too"
"I didn't mean like that" he chuckled with a smirk.
"I'm married"
"Yeah I know...this isn't my place but you deserve better...it doesn't matter anyway..." he smiled. "I better go too..."
Jackson's mind and heart was racing – he didn't understand this, he reached out to Jack to stop him and he turned around.
"I don't know what the hell is going on but when you touched me earlier, it was amazing...you are attractive I can't dismiss that cause you are..." he sighed.
Jack smirked.
"Don't smirk at me!" Jackson told him off but then smirked himself too. "Does no good..." he just envisioned Aaron's smirk in his mind as he spoke and it killed him. Jack was like Aaron a lot; his hair-style, the stubble, the blue eyes...a similar smile. It was like he was the Aaron he fell in love with. But Jackson knew that wasn't an excuse but he couldn't stop himself from looking into Jack's eyes.
Jack's eyes were locked on Jackson's now too, it caused his heart to skip a beat and his breathing was heavy. "I've liked you for a long time..." Jack told him as they began to slowly move closer to him.
"And what's this? Your chance?"
"I will be honest...I thought it could be but I don't want it to be like that...forced. No, that's wrong...I want it to be natural but there's no way because you're married...but then you..." he swallowed hard, he looked at Jackson's lips, and they were so close. "Y-You came out with me tonight...why would you do that?" he asked then he closed his eyes as his lips touched Jackson's.
It was a peck that lasted a few seconds and Jackson backed off. "We can't do this..." he told him.
Jack placed his hand on Jackson's face. "Aaron isn't here tonight which says to me you do like me, no matter how you said it before...he's not here..." he repeated his last words in a whisper.
Jackson then he kissed him back, passionately placing his hand on the side of his face.
Aaron was sat at the kitchen table with a sharp knife, it was in between his hands as he rubbed them together, causing it to roll against his skin. He didn't feel any of it. "He's gone hasn't he Bill?" Aaron asked Billy as he'd jumped up onto the table.
Billy didn't meow; he simply just lay with his head down on the table.
Aaron sighed and placed the knife down, he looked at the clock, and it was almost twelve. "He's just getting me back..." he sighed; he had no idea what Jackson was doing.
He sat at the table for another hour, still no sign of Jackson and it was the early hours of the morning. He picked the knife up and slowly dug it into his arm, the skin dented as the point had breached, he cried when he couldn't even feel that and a tiny pool of blood filled the indent where the knife was pushing it down. He pushed it in further then up and out again several centimetres away. The knife was in his arm, he rested his head down on the table as he cried, and he thought maybe that – he would feel...but also the frustration of Jackson not coming back just sent his thoughts wild – he was never coming back now, this was it. No one was there to calm him down and he'd just continue to work himself up until his body gave into sleep.
Jackson ran out of the house, throwing on his jacket as he did. Then he placed his hand over his mouth, the tears that were yet to fall shone in the light from the street lamps. What he'd just done was something he never thought he'd ever do. He caught sight of his wedding ring as he moved to take out his phone and his tears fell and he cried as he walked. He breathed fast to calm himself and he saw the text from Aaron that he got hours ago and he opened it. His reactions were mixed until he read the part of the results and he broke down again; his husband wouldn't be able to move his arms or feel and it had started but after the sadness of that the anger came back in force. Why couldn't he have just told him?
Jackson opened the front door quietly and wiped his eyes. He closed the door and turned, the TV was still on and he looked ahead to the kitchen and saw Aaron slumped over it. He frowned and elements from Aaron's text could have been construed to suicide and he panicked as he remembered some of the things he wrote in it, he rushed to the table. Aaron's arms were outstretched over the table with Billy sitting in between them, as if looking after him. The cat looked up at Jackson and meowed. Jackson smiled and stroked him then he moved slowly off the table. It was then Jackson saw the knife stuck in his arm and protruding out again after a couple of centimetres. He was alright with blood usually but this made him gag, just the sick nature of it made him want to be sick and he coughed and looked away to calm himself.
Jackson sat back in a chair next to Aaron and prodded him with his finger, just looking at him. "I got your text..." he spoke quietly.
Aaron frowned and his eyes flicked open and he lifted his head off the table and squinted because of the light. "Jackson?" he asked, confused. "You've come back?"
"Why wouldn't I?" he asked.
"Because of the lies, everything..." his eyes began to adjust to the light
Jackson's phone sounded and he took out his phone and read the text. Loved tonight...got your number when you were getting dressed, hope you don't mind, see you again soon x Jackson tried his utmost not to react to that in any way. But Aaron noticed the slightest twinge of the beginnings of Jackson's smile that he then hid...
"Who's that?" Aaron asked.
"A mate it's not important, I'd rather talk about that..." he pointed to the knife in Aaron's arm.
Aaron looked down at it. "It's nothing"
Jackson frowned. "Doesn't look like nothing! Are you completely stupid Aaron?"
"Must be to have driven you away"
Jackson sighed. "I'm still here Aaron"
"For how long?" Aaron bit back with temper.
Jackson lowered his head and raised it again with tears falling down his face. "Always" he reached out and held his hand. "I'm not going anywhere"
Aaron cried, uncontrollably to the point he had to catch his breath several times. "I'm sorry"
Jackson leaned over the table and kissed him. "It's not your fault, I just want us to be the way we used to be Aaron, I know it's hard but we can can't we?" he asked as if begging.
Aaron nodded. "I wish for that every day and I realise now, it's all been me and I'm sorry, and I will try to get us back to who we were"
Jackson sat back in the chair. "You have to know something first Aaron...before you...we try..." he frowned deeply as he took out his phone again. He worked the buttons until he'd reached the text from Jack – the unknown number. He started to cry, sobbing silently.
"What's wrong?" Aaron frowned.
Jackson shook his head as the tears fell; he put his phone down on the table and pushed it towards Aaron...
TBC...