Chapter 25: Too close for comfort

Regan

"Oh God," I muttered, looking away quickly. Seth leaned forward, breathing his warm scent onto me. I felt a little better, but my stomach still lurched at the sight of him. Brady. How could I have been so stupid?

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing –nothing," I mumbled again, letting my hair fall down in front of my face slightly. I hoped Brady couldn't see my burning cheeks in the darkness. When I looked up, he was still staring at me. A dark look crossed his face before he looked away. I felt like I was going to hurl everything I'd eaten in the past two weeks.

"He won't bother you."

"What?" I asked, wincing slightly as my stomach churned. His voice was muffled in my ears as my heart began to pound. It felt like it was slamming against my chest. I watched Seth look up and meet Brady's gaze over the fire, and….and I thought I heard his chest rumble. Not like a cough…but…like a growl.

"Seth?" I mumbled, looking down at my lap. He scooted closer to me, and I calmed down a little at the feeling of his arm limbs so close to mine.

"Are you alright?" he asked, leaning even closer. The combination of Seth leaning close to me and the humiliation of Brady's snarky looks were making me dizzy.

"I need to— I need to get away," I said, struggling to stand. Seth was behind me in a flash, lifting me up by my armpits. I bounced on one leg for a second, wobbling back and forth. Why did it always make me want to faint when he touched me? I thought as he steadied me. A few people looked at us, but we were pretty much ignored by everyone but Brady. I could still feel his eyes on me and it made me want to throw up. Between almost fainting and almost throwing up, I wasn't feeling so hot.

"Regan, what…" he asked, gripping me to keep me from falling. I breathed deeply, trying to calm myself down. Seth glanced over his shoulder in the direction of Brady. I thought I heard him growl again, but my head was spinning so much at this point that I could barely stand it. I felt dizzy and out of control.

"Come on," he said quietly, and before I knew it, he had maneuvered me up onto his back, piggyback style. I gasped in surprise, my arms gripping him around his neck tightly. He chuckled, and I could feel it vibrating in his back. He seemed to ignore the curious looks from his friends as he pushed carefully past them, and we broke out onto the breezy, moonlit beach. "Where are we going?" I breathed, still feeling slightly woozy.

He chortled again, and I could feel the vibration against my chest. It was…pleasant.

"I dunno. Anywhere. Away. Does it matter?"

"No.""Didn't think so. You looked like you needed to get away."

"I did."

"I know," He said, turning to give me a sideways glance on his back. I felt myself smile, and it felt really good.

"Did you now…" I laughed, my stomach fluttering nervously. Although this time it was for an entirely different reason—I was alone with Seth.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

He walked with me on his back for a few minutes, winding carefully around the rocky beach. First Beach was nothing like the beaches I had seen in pictures or in movies; this beach was cold and windy, and the shore was littered with jagged, white rocks and rough looking sand. But I wasn't really concerned with the shitty sand on First Beach in that moment. I was alone with Seth. Not just hanging out in the living room while Sue and Charlie were talking in the kitchen. He had taken me-no, stolen me away from Brady and all of his awful-ness and now here we were, walking down the moonlit beach at night. Seth bounced me playfully on his back a few times, and I heard myself laugh - really laugh. I couldn't help but think that for some reason I was happier right now than I had felt in eons. But why? Was it because I had narrowly escaped humiliation via Brady? Or was it because I was temporarily free of my house arrest? Or was it because I was with him?

I rested my chin on his fleece-clad shoulder, breathing in his calming scent. How a guy could smell that good was completely beyond me; he always smelled freshly showered. However, he usually smelled like he had taken a shower in mountain rain or something cheesy like that instead of a regular shower with a bar of soap. I couldn't figure out how he always smelled so good, other than I was losing my mind. Inhaling again, I reveled in his clean, spicy, masculine scent. That day in the Bronco when he had picked me up from school hadn't been a fluke - he always smelled this good. If I had my way I would coat a fuzzy blanket with that smell and curl up in it to sleep with for days…that's how good he smelled to me.

"Pretty night," he commented, tipping me on his back from side to side. I heard myself laugh again, and he joined me this time. The sound of our laughter in the wind was like music…no…better than music. How was it possible that a piggy back ride down the beach could make me so euphoric?

Now, I wasn't a thin girl by any means. I was short but definitely curvy and muscular from yoga, yet Seth carried me like I was nothing but a backpack with a few school books in it. I felt him breathe in the ocean air as if he was enjoying the dark, breezy night.

"Where exactly are we going?" I asked after a few quiet moments. Seth shrugged, bending playfully at the waist to jostle me again on his back. I gripped him tighter, but… for some reason, I knew he wouldn't ever drop me.

"Don't you trust me?" He joked.

I shrugged, leaning against his back. "Strangely…yes, I do."

"Oh, so you trust me? You trust me not to drop you?" He teased again with a laugh. He pretended to lose his grip on the backs of my knees, jostling me again. I just giggled. I felt like such a moron - giggling all the time when I was around him. I wasn't the type of girl who giggled. But here I was…

"You won't drop me," I laughed.

"Yeah, you're right," he admitted with a shrug. I felt my heart start to do that hammering thing in my chest again. Was it possible for your heart to explode? I wasn't sure. I had a feeling that if he kept this sweet-I'll-do-anything-for-you act up, I would surely find out.

"You okay?" he asked, looking over his shoulder at me. I thought my heart was going to thunder out of my chest when his eyes met mine.

"I'll be alright. I just…don't like someone there."

"I don't like him either."

"Brady?"

"Who else?" he chuckled, continuing down the beach. The waves crashed not far from his boots as he trodded down the sand, and the smell of saltwater hung in the air.

"So why are you friends with him?" I asked.

"I'm not really. He's just…always around. I've gotten used to his jerkiness but…it's a little harder when he's giving you dirty looks across a bonfire. I want to kick him in the—"

Seth stopped, snorting to himself. "Well, you get the picture. Brady is— he's a good guy deep down, but he's had an easy life and it's made him a bit of a cocky brat. He's a jerk most of the time, but— he's not all bad, Regan. He's just hard to like."

"You're telling me," I said, complete with an eye roll. Seth just chuckled and kept walking.

"We don't have to go back there."

"No, I don't want to…"

"What?" Seth prodded.

"Let him win," I admitted, lifting my chin off his shoulder. "I…I take it you…you know?"

Seth shrugged, walking over to a large boulder. Behind it was a spot where there had obviously been another bonfire at one point. A large piece of driftwood lay next to a circle of ashes, and he walked over to it. He put me down, and I think my whole body tingled for a few seconds as he helped me lower myself onto the log. He crouched down, tucking his long legs underneath him to sit next to my legs on the ground. I could feel the heat radiating through his fleece pullover onto my jean-clad leg, and I was glad for both the contact and the warmth that it brought.

The silence loomed between us. I could tell that he was being polite by not saying anything, but something was hanging on the tip of his tongue.

"I—I know," he said slowly. His hand crept over to my cast; his long fingers playing with a piece of the plaster that had come lose. It was an easy gesture, and I took comfort in the fact that he would touch me so casually. It should have given me glee deep down in the crevices of my heart that he felt so comfortable touching me…but that happiness was much higher to the surface than it should have been.

"I didn't mean to…let it go that far. We, uhm…did it," I heard myself admit. Had I lost my mind? Why was I confiding this much to him? I really was going crazy.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"No," I said, shaking my head. "It's okay. I…I told Claire about it, and I felt better…even though she called me an idiot for doing it with him. I just— the truth hurts, I guess," I laughed. "Claire really called me out."

"She has a tendency to do that, yes. Well, everyone makes mistakes, Regan. You're only human."

"You're forgiving me way too easily. Good thing I have Claire, I guess."

Seth paused, and I could practically hear him thinking over what I had said.

"There's nothing to forgive. You made a mistake, you obviously feel bad about it, and I'm guessing it won't, um…happen…again?"

"Ulgh! I feel sick just thinking about it," I admitted, rubbing my temples. Seth chuckled.

"We all have done things we regret."

"I bet you've never done anything that stupid."

"How would you know?" he challenged, flashing his white teeth at me from the ground. I shrugged at him, brushing my hair out of my face.

"And what do you think of me now?"

He was quiet again before he shrugged. He looked up at me from the ground, his face blank. "I think, Regan— I think you're a wonderful person who…is just having a crappy time of things. I don't think it was good to—well, what happened with Brady that night, but…I don't look down on you because of it."

"It was a mistake."

"I know. He knows it too; he just wants to be a jerk about it. That's what Brady does. But really…I know you're not—"

I knew he wanted to say something along the lines of slutty, but he cut himself off and continued to play with my cast. I looked down at my lap, shivering slightly because of the chilly wind. I was so busy staring at my feet that I barely noticed Seth standing up. When his fleece jacket came down on my shoulders, encasing me in the leftover warmth from his body, I was assaulted once again by his comforting smell.

"You're Regan and that's all you need to be. You let me deal with Brady."

His words were simple and sincere, but it still sent a chill down my spine; I wasn't cold.

I smiled shyly as he sat down next to me on the log. I was disappointed when he kept his distance.

"Thanks," I said quietly, even though I couldn't look at him. I couldn't look at him and his big, brown eyes that made me feel like melted chocolate on the inside. What was it about this guy that made me turn to sap?

"No problem. I was hot anyway," he said casually, pushing the sleeves of his long sleeved t-shirt up. The fabric of his simple, cotton shirt was a pretty blue that set off his coppery skin and dark eyes. The way he pushed it up over his forearms made me think bad thoughts about what those muscular arms could do…

"I'm always hot," he laughed.

Yes—yes, you are. NO! My mind took a turn for the worse.

"Are you sure?"

He looked over at me, his eyes looking at his jacket on me. "Yeah, no worries," he said, flashing me another grin. I looked down at the ground, trying to calm my pounding heart. Taking a walk down the beach was supposed to calm me, not make me more worked up. Seth licked his lips as he jiggled his leg on the sand. He looked like he wanted to say something, but then clearly changed his mind.

"So— what do you think of my sister?"

I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear, no longer feeling like I had to hide. "Leah? She's great. I want to go to Seattle – that sounds like fun."

"It is. I've only been there once or twice but – it's a great town. You would like it. I could drive you and Claire sometime."

"That would be nice," I said earnestly. "I do like Leah though. She's very…different from how I pictured her."

"Yeah," Seth laughed. "She used to be quite different," he said with a cough. "Ask her why she moved to Seattle sometime."

"Was it a guy? It's almost always about a guy."

Seth nodded, clasping his hands. "It was. She's cool with it now, but…she didn't used to be."

"Are you suggesting I have a heart to heart with your sister about boys? Really, Seth?"

"Hey, I'm just saying— she knows about stuff like that."

I grinned to myself as I listened to him stumble and trip over his words. He was trying so hard, and I really shouldn't be giving him such a hard time, but…I couldn't help myself.

"What makes you think I want to talk about boys?" I replied, looking at him sideways.

His eyes widened slightly as he tried not to laugh. "Well I don't, but…I wanted you to feel better."

"You'd talk about boys for me?" I giggled. "I'm just kidding," I said, patting him on the knee.

He nodded his head good naturedly, clasping and unclasping his hands together. "Yeah, well…that's what friends do, right? They talk about…shopping; and boys; and school; and stupid guys who give them snarky looks," he grimaced, and I guessed he felt about as cool as he sounded.

"Well, we could talk about girls."

I couldn't believe I had said that. As soon as the words were out of my mouth I felt like smacking myself for being so stupid, but I couldn't help it. I wanted to know why Seth didn't have a girlfriend, and the question burned on the tip of my tongue, and I tried to fight it back with no avail.

"Girls!" he laughed loudly. "Oh sheesh, uhm…."

"Seth– so…why don't you have a girlfriend?"

He looked over at me, his head moving so fast I thought he had hurt himself. "What?" he asked. He sounded almost…hurt.

"Why—w-why don't you ever go out with girls?" I asked.

Seth looked away quickly, and I could see his brown eyes searching the ground in front of him. It was almost like he was hoping an answer would jump up out of the sand and present itself to him.

"I do. I mean…I did, once upon a time—gah, I don't know!" he laughed, the deep laughter vibrating through him and through to my leg. I looked down, embarrassed that I had asked him such a personal question. He was an adult, and it was rude of me to ask him that. As always, Seth was a good sport about it. He stood up, looking antsy. He bounced on his feet a few times nervously before plopping back down on the ground beside my leg. He looked like he was going to come out of his skin.

"I'm sorry. You're an adult, that was rude of me to ask you," I lamented. Even though my mom wasn't around a lot growing up, I still at least had manners.

Maybe one day I'll learn to use them, I thought to myself with a smirk. I looked at Seth, and he was frowning slightly.

"I'm not that grown up," he insisted, sounding child-like. I giggled, shoving him on his muscled shoulder. Touching him made him seem more real – he was so charmingly juvenile in my mind when I thought of him – at least as far as personality and mannerisms go. I expected to catch him stealing cookies or putting out fake vomit to scare his mother. I forgot that he was older sometimes, even though that was a very dangerous thing for me to do. But…touching his solid, muscular shoulder reminded me that he was definitely a grown up.

And definitely not for me.

"I date…" he said slowly. He looked up at me from the ground and played with my cast again. "But I just don't have time for all that. I mean, work and…" he trailed off, looking out at the ocean.

"When you're not at work, you're at Sue's. That could be girlfriend time."

Since when was I so brave with my words? I was on a roll, and I knew that I shouldn't be prying; I might uncover answers that I didn't want. But…I had to know. Why didn't Seth have a girlfriend?

"I…I don't know," he stuttered. "Do you care that I'm there all the time?"

I shook my head. "Of course not. And Sue loves it. She's always talking about what she's going to cook for you."

I looked over, watching his face. He looked…disappointed?

"Family is important to me. I…I like spending time with my mom, and Charlie…and…and you."

I cringed a little on the inside as he referred to me as family. While I was happy he was so comfortable with me and that we were obviously friends now, I wanted him to think of a different way…I cringed again when I realized how forbidden that idea was. Why were things you couldn't have always so tantalizing? I shook my head at myself and tried to stay focused. I wanted answers.

"I…I like having you there too. Who else will make Charlie uncomfortable? And who else will Sue hit on the back of the head for saying goofy shit?"

Seth chuckled, but his face returned to its somber state a few seconds later. He was clearly deep in thought. "Yeah—yeah, you're right. Who else?"

"Exactly."

He frowned again and looked like he wanted to say something. It got very quiet, and I was suddenly feeling a little awkward. I realized that I shouldn't be here with him like this – it was wrong. I was feeling things for Seth that I shouldn't be, and it was not good for me to be out here with him –alone –on this beautiful beach with the moonlight shining down on his chiseled, perfectly tan face. His warm body shouldn't be pressed against my leg, and it shouldn't give me the feelings that it did. Being alone on a deserted beach with a man – not just a boy, but a man – shouldn't make me feel this content. I shouldn't feel unsatisfied by not having myself wrapped in his arms.

But once again, here I was…knowing that I shouldn't feel the way I did about Seth.

When had it happened? I turned my head and enjoyed the simple view of the beautiful man in front of me as he gazed out at the ocean; his black eyebrows furrowed into a slight frown, his lips pressed together. When had he suddenly become something other than the dorky cop who hung around at his mommy's house, asking stupid questions, and smiling too much? I didn't know, and I didn't care.

My newfound feelings for him were wrong, and yet—I didn't feel sorry. Knowing Seth was the first thing that had made me feel alive for the first time in months. I felt content. Complete. Cherished. I didn't want to give that feeling up. I wouldn't.

I felt like a piece of crap for making Seth feel bad about hanging out at his mom's house, and the last thing I wanted to do was make him feel like I didn't want him there. In fact, it was the exact opposite. When Seth was there, it felt like home. I like him being at Sue and Charlie's entirely too much, and at the moment, it was scaring me so much that it made my fists clench nervously.

"Are you okay?" he asked, looking up at me. He leaned against my leg in a friend-ish way, bumping me slightly. I felt my heart speed up.

"Yeah. I didn't mean to make you feel like I…"

"Like what?"

There was a pregnant pause. "Like I don't like you being at Sue's. It's nice to…have some company."

"Really?" he asked hopefully, looking up at me from his spot on the ground. I nodded, nervously tucking a strand of hair behind my ears as it blew around my face. The ocean air was alive and breezy tonight, and I couldn't believe I was actually outside. I hated being outside, but with Seth there— I would probably camp on this beach for the rest of the night.

Stop it, I chided myself.

"I just know my mom misses Leah, and I think she really likes having you around. I mean, Charlie makes her happy and all, and he's good company, but she loves having you in the house. I think she feels like she has a daughter again."

I sighed, looking down at my hands. "I feel like I have a mom again too sometimes," I admitted quietly. Seth smiled, flashing his white teeth.

"You should tell her that…someday. She would...probably keel over in her mom jeans."

I laughed, shoving his shoulder again. "Shut up. Your mom is a cool mom for the most part. She does not wear mom jeans! She barely looks like she's forty, Seth."

"She's older than that! You're kidding yourself."

"Well, she'd have to be what—almost…forty…five? Six?—to have you, I mean. She doesn't look that old, but…"

I had seen my golden chance to ask Seth how old he was. I had been rude enough tonight and didn't want to push and prod anymore, but…my curiosity was killing me.

"She's old enough. Tell her she looks thirty, that'll make her happy," Seth laughed. "I was just kidding; I know my mom is cool. That's why she doesn't mind me mooching and coming around for meals all the time. Besides, I love the Cullen's house, but it's very…empty."

I nodded. "I can see that. It's beautiful, but…"

"Lonely," he said quietly, looking down at his lap. I watched him stare at his other hand for a second as it rested on his propped up knee. Suddenly, it dawned on me. Was the only reason Seth came around was because he was lonely? Surely he didn't have to be – he could get girls if he wanted to. My heart panged with pain as I realized he could probably walk into any bar and get gaggles of girls to admire and flirt with him. Instead, he spent his weekends in a broken recliner, repairing fishing hooks, and drinking Vitamin R with Charlie. I had never been so glad that he was a geek in my life as I pictured what skanky girls in a bar would do to Seth.

"I should get you back—back to the fire," he asked. "It's…cold out here," he added with a shrug. He stood, untangling his long limbs and straightening his body. I stared up at him in the darkness, wishing I could see his features in the dim light. He laughed as he stretched.

"Why so glum?"

I shrugged. "Just thinking."

He didn't say anything else as he walked behind me and helped me stand. I had left my crutches back at the bonfire and was pretty much helpless at this point. But with Seth—I just felt safe.

"Hop on!" he urged, turning around. I looked up at his back and made a disgusted sound. He looked over his shoulder, laughing at me. He bent down and easily pulled me up onto his back, and we made our way back to the bonfire. He snuck back up the party as quietly as possible, helping me over to my crutches again. I had a feeling he didn't want people to know he had stolen me away and taken me down the beach.

"Where have you been?" Claire hissed, hurrying over to me. Seth gave me a knowing grin as he handed me my crutches. I saw him dart to the cooler and pull a beer out of it, joining Quil. I felt myself blush, and I looked down at the handles of my crutches.

"We just took a walk. No big deal, Claire," I insisted, hoping to shut her up. Her eyes widened, and she looked across the fire. I followed her gaze and saw Seth staring over Quil's shoulder. Right at me.

I gulped, looking away. "Just shut up," I hissed. She closed her open, gaping mouth. "I felt so bad. He had to carry me the whole way," I giggled to Claire, and she smirked at me knowingly. Ulgh. There I was, giggling again. If I wouldn't have been so giddy I would have wanted to smack myself for acting so…girlish.

"Hope you made it worth his while," a voice sneered as it walked past. "Oh wait, you always do."

The hair on my neck stood straight up. Brady.

I looked up just in time to see him glance over his shoulder as he walked around to the other side of the fire. His eyes met mine, and I instantly felt ashamed. I was embarrassed for what I had done with Brady; I was ashamed of how I had behaved these past few months; and most of all, and I was humiliated that Seth had been there to witness the entire thing.

I looked down at my feet, and Claire put her hand reassuringly on my elbow to comfort me. When I looked back up, I gasped.

I glanced across the fire just in time to see Seth's' fist connecting with Brady's nose.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Boo-yah. And that's what you get for f*cking with someone's imprint.

Okay, we all know Regan brought the whole Brady mess on herself, but… ; )

That said, I've gotten a few comments (they're polite, no hating, so it's cool) that ask my why my characters can be so 'oh my god I want to smack/him/her-wtf is WRONG with them?' And I have a simple answer. I refuse to write 'Mary Sue' characters that always do or say the things we want them to. First of all, that's not life. When was the last time a guy said the perfect thing to you at exactly the right moment? When was the last time your best friend did the one thing you always thought she should do? In my life, at least….they don't. People don't do what we want them to do 99% of the time, and I refuse to believe that these characters would. Second, if all of the characters did what we wanted them to, the story would already be over. Regan would be the same age as Seth, they would fall magically in love (because they have no flaws) and they would be married with half a dozen wolfy babies right now. Who wants to read a story like that? Thoughts?

Okay. My rant is over. It's really okay though - it was constructive criticism which is always cool and appreciated, and I really did mull it over for awhile. But anyway…we have a sleepover chapter, a Christmas chapter, a New Year's Eve chapter, and then we're going to flash forward to sometime in the spring. Think warm weather, prom, and weddings….ah, isn't it wonderful?

I've also been trying to add some goodies to my photo bucket lately, so if you'd like to see Regan, Claire, Sue, etc…head on over there! The link is on my profile. Enjoy and please review!