CHAPTER 26 : SHOVELS FULL OF EARTH
There were cream coloured roses on Arthur's mothers grave when they arrived at the adjoining gravesite. Merlin knew that Arthur had ordered them the previous day.
A sombre group stood around the grave as the Internment Rite was concluded. Merlin stood to Arthur's left and had been within touching distance since they had left Minton that morning. Arthur had followed behind the casket alone as Merlin had insised that that was as it should be but he had been waiting for him in the pew when the casket was placed before the sanctuary. Reverend Chambers had done an excellent job in choosing the readings and giving a sermon suited for the situation.
Gawaine's father's eulogy had been personal and heart-warming, remembering the good times and lightly glossing over any contentious ones. He had spoken of the bond between family members and the sadness in Uther's life when his beloved wife, Arthur's mother had died. He had mentioned how Uther in his later life had given so much to the business world and had as a result been very successful. He referred to Uther's pride in his son's achievements and the sorrow his sudden death had caused his family and close friends.
Gawaine was impressed his father had covered all the main points and had not descended into maudlin sentiments of the father and son relationship. He listened as the pastor intoned the Final Rites, "…we therefore commit his body to the ground, earth to earth, ashes to ashes…"
'Ashes to ashes, dust to dust…' Gawaine remembered, while at his side, Bridie slipped her hand into his and he glanced across the grave to see Merlin on one side with his arm around Arthur's waist while Hunith stood on his other. He looked momentarily lost and Gawaine's heart went out to him. Sure the father/son relationship had been rocky but it was a loss whether at the moment Arthur was capable of acknowledging it or not.
The coffin was lowered into the grave. Rev Chambers said, "…for dust thou art and unto dust thou shall return." Arthur reached for a handful of earth from the trowel held by the minister and dropped it onto his father's coffin. The muted thuds echoed sadly in the afternoon air. So much had been...so little remained. Arthur bowed his head. All animosity towards his father was gone and he said his goodbyes from the heart. True there were reservations but no hatred as he bid his misguided father farewell.
-0-0-
The funeral party then returned to the manor where Mrs. Parsons had arranged a late buffet luncheon. Drinks were served first and Arthur circulated personally thanking each person for being present explaining that their kindness at this moment greatly helped him. Hunith was very impressed as he was so composed and seemed genuinely happy to see his father's closest acquaintances as well as his own friends.
Merlin stayed in the background but close enough that Arthur knew that he was nearby. He did not feel that it was his position to be with Arthur as he spoke to business partners but once Arthur moved onto his friends, he was pulled forward as Arthur wanted him next to him. The conversation soon returned to football and Arthur was pleased to hear that Leon felt sure that with the progress he had made to date, he would be back on the field again.
'A bit presumptive…' Merlin thought but he was grateful for Leon's kind words which had put a spark in Arthur's eyes as he considered getting back on the pitch.
"I will certainly try my best. Got a little way to go yet but don't any of you give up on me!"
Lance had laughed saying, "Well, I'd better work hard to hang onto my place on the team." The others laughed as many times it had been Lance who had pushed Arthur to bettering himself.
The buffet was excellent then slowly people began to leave to return to London. Gawaine and his parents were staying over as were Leon and Lance. Tom and Ellie left and Arthur thanked them for coming. As Arthur was not going back to Nonsuch until the weekend, Tom made arrangements to pick him up on Sunday afternoon. "Do you intend to come back to town for a couple of days before that?"
Arthur looked at Merlin who shook his head slightly. He knew that Arthur would get more exercise in the country and there was the added facility of the pool. Arthur had not done well on the streets of London and Merlin knew that he still had misgivings about using his walker. Merlin said, "It's up to you Arthur but I can see us walking and swimming more here than in town."
Tom nodded and said, "Then I'll be here Sunday at one o'clock, Sir." Arthur walked with him to the door.
Merlin managed to say, "Ellie, give Spot a big hug and tell her that I haven't forsaken her." Ellie smiled and patted his arm before following Bridie who was returning with them as she was on duty the following day.
-0-0-
Following supper, Hunith, Gaius and Gawaine's parents had moved to the library leaving the others to themselves. The four of them had hit it off well with Charles remarking that he thought that Merlin had been a godsend to Arthur especially during his stay in St. Swithin's.
"Well," said Hunith, "I was a little worried that it was taking too much out of Merlin but he was insistent that Arthur needed him and finally I accepted the fact and prayed even harder for Arthur's recovery."
"The whole situation was horrendous!" Charles stated.
"Did you meet Rupert's parents?" Lydia asked. "A really nice couple and to lose a son was exceedingly difficult for them. I thought it was very kind of them to come as it must have hurt them seeing Arthur in comparatively good health."
Gaius turned to Gawaine's father and said, "I thought your words at the service were very well chosen. It must have been difficult because of the coldness between the father and son. I also though that Arthur handled himself exceptionally well. He's a wonderful young man. Mind you, Gawaine also deserves credit as he kindly took Merlin in after he was let go."
"I never really understood that whole situation," Hunith said, "As Merlin seemed at a loss to explain exactly what happened and I didn't like to press too much as he was so worried about Arthur."
Charles said, "Well, raise your glasses to our boys and Arthur, their very good friend!" The four of them finally went upstairs just dropping in to say goodnight to the boys.
Merlin smiled, it made him warm and cosy on the inside having not only Arthur with him but his Mum and Gaius under the same roof. He knew how supportive a family could be and he realised sadly that Arthur was now bereft of any blood relatives. Well, the three of them would just have to be his family…if he would allow them.
-0-0-
Finally, the friends were ready to turn in as well. Gawaine was feeling no pain and Arthur said with a laugh that he could share with him if he liked. Gawaine nodded in agreement. Arthur told the others, "Just like old times! The first time he stayed over, he got lost when he had to pee and was found by Hodge wandering the corridors. In desperation, as he couldn't get him to stop crying, he deposited him in my room, telling me to look after him. Only time that I have ever know Hodge unable to cope! After that, we always shared."
"I think that maybe, you're old enough to stay in a separate room now, don't you, Gawaine?" Leon said kindly, grinning at Merlin.
Gawaine took some time to think it over before saying, "I am but…if you get lonely, Arthur…just knock on my door and I'll be right there."
Lance laughed saying, "I don't think he'll be lonely…do you, Merlin?"
Merlin blushed then added seriously, "Arthur, do all the bedroom doors have locks?"
Grinning Arthur said, "I assure you they do. At one point as a kid, I thought it was to keep the monsters out but now I can see that it might be for other reasons." He stretched managing to touch his thigh to Merlin's.
Lance stood up saying, "Well, I'm ready to turn in and as Gawaine is in the room next to me, I'll see he gets there. Leon, are you coming?"
"Yup! As you'll be back in training, I'll see you at six o'clock in the pool…Arthur."
"Not if I have anything to say about it," said Arthur. "Merlin and I are going to sleep late. Just go down to the breakfast room and someone will take your breakfast order. You too, Lance, can't see Gawaine wanting to face fried eggs and kippers in the morning."
"Or any time…!" said Merlin making a face.
The others left and Merlin pulled up his legs and sat leaning against Arthur on the sofa. "Glad the day is over?" he asked quietly.
"You don't know! It was hanging over my head like a lead balloon. Actually, as the day progressed it wasn't as bad as I had thought it might be. I think I had blown it up in my mind as I was scared that I wouldn't be able to get through it in one piece however, being surrounded by close friends made it easier. I knew that you were there and that if needed you would have stepped forward if I had got into trouble. I think I'm still sort of in shock, in a deal-with-it mode.
"Having you beside me helped a lot. I'm still a little unsure of myself in the position in which I now find myself and I worried that one day, I might crack but at the moment…" He dropped his head and kissed Merlin's hair, "…but at the moment I'm managing pretty well.
"I keep asking myself what had I done in my life for him to have treated me so badly? When I see you and Gaius, I realise what I have missed."
"You can share him with me if you like," said Merlin glancing up at him. "He's got plenty of love to go around."
Arthur's breath hitched and suddenly he started to sob. Merlin knew that it was just the reaction to being tired but he was serious about his uncle. Gaius had plenty of love for Arthur as well. He wrapped his arms around Arthur and held him. Finally saying, "I think we are both overly tired. Come on!" he stood up and offering Arthur his hand, pulled him up.
Arthur was a little stiff so they used the lift to get upstairs. Merlin suddenly realised that that was something which he could easily get used to.
-0-0-
Arthur's night was troubled. Merlin was beside him and awake. He knew to interrupt his sleep would accomplish little. Arthur needed a peaceful night's sleep but that was not happening.
Merlin glanced at the clock; it read three thirty seven. He had been a little disappointed when they had gotten into bed as Arthur had turned to him and said, "Merlin Love, I'm exhausted can we just sleep...?"
Merlin had been surprised because he had thought that now that Uther was buried, Arthur would have returned to his old loving self. He lay there thinking and it suddenly dawned on him that he was being juvenile. Of course, Arthur was tired and the last thing he wanted was to fool around.
He turned to him and placed a little kiss on his shoulder. He loved him and if they were going to remain only friends for the immediate future, he could live with that. He smiled to himself, knowing that at the moment, Arthur loving him was enough.
He must have dozed as he was awoken by Arthur having a conversation that made no sense…he then realised he was dreaming.
Arthur stands across from Gaius and Hunith at an open grave. He is not alone and he knows that the person beside him is not benevolent. He picks up vibes of impatience and belittlement.
Dr. Fells dressed as a minister smiles at Arthur but addresses Hunith, "At the moment, you feel adrift on a sea of sadness but one day you will without tears be able to remember how wonderful your son was. He was one of those rare human beings who would willingly give his whole self if someone needed him.
"He influenced many people especially those at St. Swithin's, where he will be remembered with fondness. The support he gave to his friend Arthur was the epitome of a caring young adult."
Arthur feels the person beside him stiffen, before interrupting the service by saying, "He was a despicable gay who set his eyes on my son and ingratiated himself into my son's life while he was helpless…solely to gain financial independence. He took over his body, soul and mind. He was worthless and I regret the day he was introduced to my son and I hold the hospital responsible for allowing the contact."
Arthur puts his hands over his ears to blank out the hate and untruths. He loved Merlin who had never asked anything of him but his love. Deep down he knows that he can't live without him but then he catches sight of Hunith and he realises that that would be where his future rested, looking after her as Merlin had. He glances towards the coffin with its yellow roses and sobs...
His sobbing had awoken Merlin who slipped his arms around him and held him. Finally the crying subsided and Merlin brushed away his tears with the edge of the pillowcase.
"I thought you had died...my father was standing beside me at your funeral saying wicked untruths. I didn't think I was going to be able to go on and then I saw your Mum and decided I would stand in your place to look after her and Gaius. Merlin, please don't ever die..."
Merlin smiled into the darkness and said softly, "Can't promise that but I will stay with you until you no longer need me." He realised the words meant the he would one day lose Arthur but until then he would keep going regardless of what happened.
-0-0-
The remainder of the night was quiet, they were no further outbursts but Arthur was restless and when the first fingers of light pierced the eastern sky, Merlin realised that he himself was in need of a good night's sleep. He could equate his lack of sleep to being on night watch, ever vigilant, only ever dozing. He went to the bathroom and returned to look out of the window over the parkland. He could see the herd of red deer settled under the trees, soon they would be up grazing. Already the infrequent bird was beginning to serenade the arrival of a new day so he made his way back to bed.
He woke within what felt like minutes to Arthur's hands on his body. He smiled and went to snuggle deeper into the bed. He opened his eyes surprised to find the room sun-drenched. He turned to Arthur and saw that he seemed wide awake and said, "What time is it?"
"Well, let's say that if you had to have a meal it would be called brunch! I've been waiting ages for you to wake up as didn't want to deprive you of your beauty sleep." Arthur unabashedly allowed his hands to explore Merlin's body.
Merlin squirmed and smiled, Arthur was awake, in a good mood and he for one wasn't going to do anything to interfere with his obvious plans for the next little while. Merlin prayed for the day when he would be able to show Arthur how much he loved him. Almost immediately, he remembered their chat in the stable and smiled, one day he would initiate these special moments but until then he would wait patiently for Arthur's condition to improve.
They never made it to brunch as by the time they had showered and dressed it was after one o'clock. Gaius was in the conservatory having a coffee and reading the newspapers. The doors were wide open and the air felt warm and summery. He told them that Hunith had accepted Leon's offer to take her around the property. "Something about a golf cart but I don't think that had anything to do with their destination."
"Well, at least she'll be safe with Leon. Gawaine would never be my choice as a chauffeur, he's too willing to take chances. He once got stuck in a gateway and one of the farmhands had to dismantle part of the paddock fence so that cart could be released. My father had said that it was a shame that Gawaine hadn't been stuck with the cart as he might have leant his lesson."
"Who might have learnt his lesson?" said Gawaine walking in. "I'm famished, when is lunch?"
The others laughed as Arthur said, "I was telling Gaius and Merlin about the golf cart and the paddock fence."
"Don't believer everything he tells you. It was an honest mistake and only my feelings were hurt. Anyway, after lunch, Leon and I are taking our leave and hightailing it back to London."
"Bridie calling?" said Merlin with a suggestive grin.
"That and my department head from your prestigious company, Arthur. He needs a couple of reports finishing and thinks that I have had sufficient time off recently."
Arthur leant over and picked up the phone. He spoke quietly for a few seconds and then said, "Right! Two o'clock served in the conservatory. I would like a full English and I think Mr Emrys will have the same. Yes, that sounds perfect for the others." He turned smiling saying, "Leon and your Mum should be back by then."
Gawaine laughed, "If not, we can pack them a picnic and send one of the servants out to find them." But that was not to be as by five to one, a smiling Hunith and Leon arrived back at the house.
"Arthur, your gardens are beautiful. Leon gave me a very interesting tour including the walled fruit gardens; I was surprised to see the apricot trellises."
"Before you leave, I'll have Mrs. Parsons give you some of last years Minton Apricot Jam so you can enjoy it at home." Gaius's eyes lit up, he had a sweet tooth and wouldn't mind trying some apricot jam on toast. "…you too, Gaius. This year's crop won't be ready until August but I'll see that you both get some fresh ones then."
Merlin was surprised, he hadn't realised that apricots were grown at home. Guess, as a city boy, he had never thought about that. The ones he saw in the shops were usually from Spain. Later on he would get Arthur to show him the apricots and any other tropical fruit they were able to grow. He was partial to pineapples, maybe Uther had grown them too! Then it suddenly dawned on him that this property along with all the others in the family now belonged to Arthur.
He had been hungry and had made his mother proud by cleaning his plate. They had then sat around talking waiting for Leon and Gawaine to get their luggage. The two of them stood at the stairs waving goodbye to them as they drove down the drive.
-0-0-
Arthur slipped his arm around Merlin's shoulders and said, "I have something to show you." He led Merlin into the house and they made their way to the second floor but into another wing. "This is where my family used to live," he said pointed at a group of doors, "My father kept the same rooms he had when he was married. It's just a little way further along the corridor." He stopped, opened a door and allowed Merlin to walk in ahead of him. The air in the room was stale from disuse but Merlin immediately realised it was a child's bedroom; he smiled…Arthur's to be exact.
The room was large and contained a single bed, a wardrobe, bookcase, child's desk, table and chairs. Arthur walked to an adjoining room and said, "This is where Eva my nursemaid slept. To begin with there was a crib next door but as I grew up. It was changed for a single bed. Rather Spartan isn't it? You can see why I like to have artwork on the walls in my own wing. One day Eva was in trouble as I had as a seven year old, tried to add some much needed pictures but in my stupidity, I'd done the artwork right on the wall. She'd tried desperately to remove the marks and even moved the wardrobe to cover the biggest mess. She said that we would be able to see it whenever we wanted but that it would be hidden from anyone else. My father was less than enamoured at his son's artistic talent and had impressed on me with a wack on my rear that the walls belonged to him and I was not to damage them"
Arthur walked across the room and Merlin helped him move the wardrobe and there was a childish picture of a blonde boy with two other boys holding his hands standing in front of a house which vaguely resembled Minton. Merlin reached out to touch it, "Friends of yours?" he asked, his voice catching.
Shaking his head and looking sad, Arthur said, "Imaginary ones! I didn't know any boys until I went to boarding school, there I met Gawaine and the rest is history…" he said with a grin.
"Your father didn't realise it but he had a Banksy on his hands," said Merlin as he wrapped his arms around Arthur giving him a kiss.