These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain.
A/N:
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If you like this story, you might also like my original published work, the four book high fantasy series, Descent of Kings, by Maria Albert, available on Amazon and through the publisher, Dreamspinner.
Chapter 26 – Lullaby and Goodnight
Levi was exhausted, though not from being awake for more than two days, or from walking with his wounded leg, or the constant tension of the boat ride through that crawling hell, or even fighting and escaping the Military Police. He was tired from trying so damned hard to be civil.
He'd never been good at smiling and making nice with people. Although these men almost made it easy. There was a distinct lack of challenge, now that Stephanos had accepted them. Armin in particular had handled himself well. The kid might not look it, but he had quite a pair. He'd make damned good and sure later that all of Stephanos's and Grunwald's men were as committed to their lovers as they professed to be, and that they stayed the hell away from Armin, since they weren't free to do more than toy with him.
Holy hell. He was starting to sound like Mikasa. Just the thought almost made him smile, until another fucking cricket chirped, and he jumped instead.
Damn it! Stupid trees. Where the hell were the stars when he needed them? He hated sleeping on the ground, with nothing between him and the bugs but his clothes, a bedroll and his blanket, though he'd done it before a number of times. This time, though, after being in that stinking passageway… Shit. He couldn't sleep in the carriage without looking like a wimp. It would be different if he was in his usual pristine white pants. He could pretend he didn't want to get dirt on them. There was more than one reason he kept his pants so white they all but freaking glowed.
He tensed as a shadow approached and then relaxed as he recognized Mikasa's distinctive shape. He'd have known her instantly, even if she wasn't the only woman in camp. Then she lit the lantern in her hand, and he saw her clearly, though the unexpected flare of light blasted his night vision to hell.
"I need to check your injuries, and apply more of the poultice. We can't have you risking infection again, now that we're so close to home."
Home. He'd never really thought of their base as home before. It was somewhat surprising that Mikasa did.
"I brewed some more of the tea, from the herbs I brought with me, to ensure your fever doesn't return," she said, loudly enough that anyone who was interested could easily overhear. Her silent message was clear: "You need to sleep. I brought you a light. Let me help. Drink the tea and we'll watch over you and keep you safe."
"Not here," he muttered so softly only she would be able to hear. He didn't know these men well enough to trust them. He wouldn't sleep drugged. Hell, the three people beside him, and Erwin, who was sitting by the fire with Pixis, Stephanos and some of the others, schmoozing or strategizing, were the only four people he trusted in the world. "I've slept outside dozens, even hundreds of times," he reminded her.
"But seldom on the ground. You're always bitching about getting your pants… Oh. I should have realized. So how much is deflection and misdirection, and how much is real?" Mikasa asked curiously. "I can't help noticing you declined the uniform they offered you."
"Tch. Like I'd wear a Garrison uniform," he snorted, but quietly enough so as not to offend their new comrades. "And the pants would be too damned tight anyway, with my leg cocked up like this, and likely too damned long." He was amazed he'd actually voiced the latter complaint to her, but she was giving him that look again, the one that said she knew everything he was thinking anyway, so he might just as well say it aloud. He sighed in defeat. "Mikasa, you let me wear your father's clothes. Do you honestly think I'd ever take them off for anything short of my Corps uniform?" he said sincerely, looking her in the eye.
"Tch. I'm touched. Now strip, Levi. Or at least, drop trou. No, stop, just let me do it. I have to get practice undressing a man somehow, and you're a stationary target," she teased.
"Don't let Erwin hear you say that. He's been giving me some odd looks tonight," Levi smirked.
"Right. Like you're not loving every minute of it," she immediately rebutted as she unwound the bandages and removed the pads. "The wounds look really good, Levi. But I think I'd better use the poultice again, at least until a real doctor can take a look. By the way, you made it plain what loukoumathes were, but did Armin really tell Stephanos to go fuck himself?"
Levi scowled. Hearing that crass language from Mikasa was somehow unsettling, shocking, like when Armin had said it in the canal. But that was exactly why it had proved so effective with Stephanos: it was the last thing anyone would have expected Armin to say. He needed to make sure the kid didn't get too cocky, though. Cocky could get you killed, if you pissed off the wrong people, and there were plenty of wrong people.
"Levi?" Mikasa asked, reaching out to touch his shoulder and pulling her hand back at the last instant.
"It's alright to touch me. You can't have that many germs that I haven't already been exposed to. We were pissing on the same damned floor," Levi reminded her, with a shudder.
She continued the aborted motion, and laid her hand on his shoulder. It was ridiculous, how good it felt to be touched.
"More people would eat blackberries if the bushes didn't have so many thorns," Mikasa said, smiling slightly.
Levi instantly knew it must have been another of her father's sayings, from the warm and wistful look on her face, so he bit back his automatic scathing response. It was exactly because he was so prickly that he was protected, safely shrouded by his layer of thorns. The way Mikasa protected herself with a layer of insulating frost, even if she didn't do so consciously. Eren used his anger to drive people away. Armin…as much as he almost wished Armin might somehow manage to keep that halo that surrounded him, he was relieved to see the horns peeking out from beneath it every now and then.
And if he started seriously thinking in terms of angels and demons like some of those fanatics in the Underground, he might as well just become a Wallist. All religion was fucking crazy. He damned well didn't want to ever meet the God that had thought it was a good idea to craft a Titan, particularly if he'd made it in his own image. The thought of something thousands of times larger and more powerful and hungrier than a Titan made his heart slam wildly against his ribs. He needed to sleep before he lost his damned mind.
Fucking was obviously out, although he was going to make damned sure that changed once they got back to base, whether Erwin liked it or not. And the man would definitely like it, if he had to tie him to the bed to do it. A little bondage might be just what… No. Erwin would never be able to surrender control enough to enjoy it, and Levi would never want him to. He wanted Erwin on even ground, on equal terms, a willing and eager participant, or not at all. He could have tricked or seduced or coerced or bound the man into or onto his bed years ago, but that wasn't what he wanted. He wanted… He wanted to drink that damned tea, before he started writing love poems and singing ballads and picking flowers for the man.
Mikasa was only too willing to oblige him, in regards to the tea. Of course, it was only after he drank deeply that he heard the damned crickets again. He must have tensed up involuntarily, because Mikasa laid her hands on both shoulders this time, not restraining, but soothing. "Go to sleep, Levi. They won't come into camp, and if they try, I won't let them near you, I promise."
"Tch. If you tuck me in or give me a goodnight kiss, Erwin will either piss himself or growl at you." It would almost be worth it, to have her do it, just to get a rise out of the man. But he would never mess with Mikasa's head like that, or Erwin's.
No. It wasn't them, he admitted silently to himself. He didn't want to even think what such a loving gesture, after years of hell, would do to him. The last person who had tucked him in had been Isabel, when he'd been out of his mind with fever from those damned rat bites from that fucking basement and…
Every horrific thought fled from his head, as Mikasa's gentle voice rose up softly in a song too quiet for anyone but him or Eren and Armin to hear, and he was pretty sure they were already asleep. He had no idea what language she was singing in, or what she was saying. Was it Japanese? Chinese? Korean? He knew she was half Asian, but he had no idea who her ancestors might have been, at least, not the ones on her mother's side. She was singing him a lullaby. And he was thinking, instead of listening; he was missing it.
He breathed in deeply and let her soothing voice drown out the crickets, the soft mumble of conversation, the crackle of the fire, and the gentle stirring of the branches overhead in the night breeze. He closed his eyes and listened, enraptured, as an overwhelming sensation of peace and safety settled over him, like a warm blanket. Maybe I'll finally actually be able to get some sl…