Chapter 26: Coming Home to Us
"I'm so hungry!" Yuuri complains as we walk, each with an arm around the other.
"Let's go and get something to eat," I suggest, "I heard of a good place up this way."
It turns out that we're not the only ones who heard. Mari and Minako are standing outside the restaurant and looking in, talking animatedly about what they see going on inside.
"Oh my god!" Mari gasps, her hands on her face, "Yurio's in there and he's actually in the company of another human being!
"That's Otabek Altin!" Minako exclaims.
She and Minako spot us and Mari nearly tackles her surprised brother, begging him to convince the other skaters to join together with us. In moments, five of the six male seniors competing in tomorrow's competition are sitting around a table with the two excitable women barely able to contain themselves.
"Why do we all have to be sitting together?" Yurio complains to his companion, while Chris greets the ladies charmingly and Phichit indulges in his extra special talent of taking lovely selfies with all of us and posting them.
"It's so funny, all of us being together like this on the night before the competition," Yuuri notes, smiling happily, "At last year's banquet, I was always by myself. I couldn't even get up the nerve to talk to Victor."
There are very few moments in my life when I've been totally graceless, but hearing those words from Yuuri makes me instantly shocked and more than a little flustered and I spit out my drink as the information swiftly rewrites the last months since my arrival in Hasetsu.
Yuuri…doesn't remember?
I know he was drunk when he did it, but…really, Yuuri?
If he doesn't remember that…then how in the hell did it look to him when I just showed up naked in the hot springs, telling him out of the fucking blue that I was going to be his new coach? Holy hell, it makes me look like a complete nut job! Not remembering? He had to have thought that I was out of my mind!"
"Seriously, Yuuri, you are telling me you don't remember?" I scold him angrily.
He's got to be kidding.
Well, I may be nearly beyond words at that, but the others there are more than happy to remind him of what he's forgotten. And I can't stay angry for long as I watch Yuuri's face grow more and more shocked and even horrified at exactly what he did the year before.
Or did he think no one would remember?
"Yuuri, you got wasted on champagne and started dancing," Chris says, smirking, "Everyone saw it."
"What?" Yuuri yelps, quickly turning red.
"It was disgusting!" Yurio complains, "I got dragged into a dance off and got humiliated too."
"A dance off?" Yuuri whispers disbelievingly, "With Yurio?"
"I did mine with a pole dance, half naked," Chris snickers, making Yuuri look like he's about to die of embarrassment.
I probably should let it end at that, but seriously? He literally throws himself at me and propositions me? He dances with me like that, but he doesn't goddamned remember? How the hell does that make me look? How does that even happen?
No, I am not letting him off easy. Fine, if he wants to breeze into town, turn my world upside down and then not remember me, oh…he is going to pay for this!
I give Yuuri my brightest smile and show him my cell phone.
"I have video of the whole thing right here," I tell him.
And how many times have I gone back to look at that, remembering how he made me feel?
"Want to see?" I ask him.
"I have lots of photos too," Chris adds, showing his phone to Phichit, "Here, look."
Phichit's eyes widen and he covers his mouth.
"Yuuri, that's so dirty!" he exclaims.
"Yeah, we're gonna have to see that," Mari and Minako insist.
"No! No! No, don't look!" Yuuri shouts, waving his arms, "Please leave me with some little shred of my dignity!"
"Isn't he amazing?" I gush, ogling his image that's captured on my phone.
It's at that point that Chris suddenly spots what's on our fingers.
"So, boys," he interjects, "what's with the matching rings?"
"Huh, rings?" the others muse, looking more closely.
"Since when do you wear jewelry?" Minako asks Yuuri, frowning.
Phichit's eyes round sweetly and he breaks into a wide smile.
"Oh my god! Congratulations on your wedding!" he shouts excitedly.
"No, no it's not that!" Yuuri cried, waving his arms.
"Hey everyone," Phichit yells to the whole restaurant, "my good friend here just got married!"
Applause breaks out in the restaurant and the others in our group join…all but Yurio, who maybe just realized what is actually going on with Yuuri and me.
Hehe…Agape. I did choose right, didn't I?
Yuuri looks ready to faint, and maybe I should say something. But, he beats me to it.
"It's to thank him for everything he's done for me…and…and well, there are layers!"
Mmhmm, we'll see if you ever forget Victor Nikiforov now, katsudon. In fact, why don't we go for making it impossible for you to ever forget me again…
"You've got it wrong," I chime in.
Yuuri gives me a look of gratitude and relief for helping to fix everything, but his jaw drops when he hears my next words.
"This is an engagement ring. We'll be getting married when Yuuri wins gold."
"Wh-what?" Yuuri whispers breathlessly, staring at me like I definitely must have lost my mind, "Victor!"
But I've said it in front of everyone. And if he denies it now, he'll be telling everyone that Victor Nikiforov is a liar and that the scandalous teasing and kiss that they all saw was just part of a game we played with all of them…maybe with ourselves too.
I dare you.
Tell me you'll forget me now…Yuuri.
"Right, Yuuri?" I ask, giving him a cute fiancé smile.
"Ah…he says shakily, "Um…well…"
The wheels are turning in the other skaters' heads and their eyes narrow, not at the proposal, but at the blatant implication that Yuuri, my Yuuri who came in last at last year's Grand Prix Final, is going to beat them all. I guess I've pushed things as far as I dare. Yuuri looks ready to faint. But before I can defuse things, another voice rings out.
"Wait a second!" J.J. Leroy shouts as he appears in the room, holding an arm around his girlfriend, "I'll be the one winning gold and getting married!"
"That's right," his beaming girlfriend adds, "J.J. will definitely win."
"Sorry boys," J.J. laughs, "I guess the wedding's off for you."
The rest of us quickly decide that we've had enough fun.
"Well, tomorrow's a big day," I say, standing and taking Yuuri's hand, "We'd best call it a night."
The others follow us out, leaving J.J. and his girlfriend awkwardly looking after us.
Yuuri and I take our leave of our friends and we head back to the hotel. Yuuri's quiet, and I can see the anxiety. Whether it's about the competition, about my response to him forgetting his wild, drunken proposition or because we're about to go back to our room, wearing engagement rings and now planning to wed.
Of course, if Yuuri plans to back down, he would do it now, before things went any further. He'll wait until we're alone in our room and he's had a chance to prepare what he wants to say.
So…he will either break up with me or this fairy tale that we've been spinning will become real and we'll start making plans.
Yuuri, you better not break up with me.
I can't read his expression as we head up in the elevator. I usually fill the silences and start our conversations, but this time, I'm not anxious to talk. I'll let him think. I can't decide this for him, and it wouldn't be right to try to force his hand. If Yuuri is going to really marry me, it has to be because that's what we both want.
We walk into the room and I close the door behind us. Yuuri steps slowly across the room, but instead of opening his suitcase to look for his pajamas, he stops and looks out the window at the pretty stars and bright moon.
"Victor," he says quietly, "will you play that song for me again?"
Oh, this is a good sign!
"Of course."
I set the music playing and move to join Yuuri at the window. We look out together, breathing slowly and I'm thinking how strange it is to have come here from where we were a year ago, when I noticed him looking at me and offered to have a photo taken with him.
He was humiliated then, and he walked away. If we hadn't met again that night at the banquet and he hadn't gotten drunk and let his desires leak out in front of me…
There would be no us.
I would still be struggling, trying to push myself forward…uninspired and slowly dying as a competitive skater.
And Yuuri…
What would Yuuri be doing?
"Victor?"
When did he turn?
When did his face get so close to mine?
"Did you really mean what you said…about…about us being engaged?" he asks, his eyes full of starlight and brightly sparkling.
I let out a slow breath.
This moment feels so heavy.
Everything hangs on it, doesn't it?
"Let me ask you, do you want to be engaged to me, Yuuri? Would that make you…"
I let a smile spill onto my lips.
"…as happy as it would make me?"
His brown eyes get so wide and he's shaking, but because he's so happy. When Yuuri is so happy like this, he gets speechless. He swallows hard and nods, working at making his voice sound.
"Y-yes, it would make me happy too."
I give him the warmest of smiles and an affirmative nod.
"Then, yes, we are engaged," I answer, "And like I said, as soon as Yuuri wins gold, we will be married."
"But…there is no homosexual marriage in Russia or Japan."
"No, so we'll get married somewhere else," I suggest, "It shouldn't matter what anyone here or there says. If Yuuri promises, it is real to me."
Yuuri gets so happy from that answer, his eyes fill with tears of pure joy.
But…for a moment, I see an odd flash of fear.
Uncertainty.
"Yuuri?"
The look fades and a look of determination takes over. Ah, I think I understand.
"You are worried about the competition again?" I ask, "You don't have to be. Even if you miss the podium now, I am going to be your coach until you retire, right?"
"Ah…right."
Yuuri takes my face in his hands and I can feel they are trembling.
"Victor," he says more softly and in a questioning tone, "Victor, I…need something."
"What do you need, Yuuri?"
It takes him a moment to make his voice sound, and what comes out takes my breath away too.
"I…need Victor to be with me tomorrow when I compete."
I can't move for a moment. I can only look down intoYuuri's eyes and wonder if that means what I think it does. With that love song playing in the background, and with Yuuri looking deeply into my eyes, he's asked me to…?
"You mean that…like before the Rostelecom Cup?" I ask.
I don't want to misunderstand him.
"No," he says, taking hold of the front of my jacket, "I really want Victor to be with me now!"
I'm not sure why I'm still standing. My knees feel too weak for that. My heart can't pound because it's fluttering way too fast.
Yuuri wants me to…?
"Are you very sure?" I ask him.
"I'm sure," he says without hesitation.
"But before, you said that you were worried about it affecting your performance," I remind him.
Yuuri nods.
"Now? I'm pretty sure it will affect my performance," he says, smiling and pressing his face to my shoulder, "If I feel Victor's warmth with me, then I know I can win!"
I said that I wanted it to be something special, and how much more special can it be? We're hours away from the competition, rings on our fingers and so very motivated now.
None of the planning or the choreography I've ever done could be more perfect than the way we hold each other tightly and just fall. Yuuri's smiling mouth is so hungry, like he can't get enough from me, but I'll keep giving until he's sated or I've been completely devoured.
Wait!
"S-stop, Yuuri!" I tell him, making him looking back at me with a startled and worried expression.
"Victor?" he queries cautiously.
"It's okay," I assure him, sitting up and reeling slightly at how quickly our clothing was shed, "I'm not refusing you. It's just that…I want you to see something first."
I leave him sitting naked on the bed and head to my suitcase, where I remove a white clothing box. I hand it to him and nod in the direction of the bathroom.
"Go and put this on, Yuuri."
He looks at me with a confused expression, and as I hand him the box, he starts to open it. But I lay my hand gently over his.
"No. In there."
He gazes at me silently for a moment, then walks to the bathroom and closes the door. A moment later, I hear a gasp.
"Victor!"
"Shh!" I exclaim through the door, "Don't say anymore. Put it on, Yuuri!"
While he is dressing, I walk to the closet and open the garment bag inside. I dress in the costume inside it, then stand outside the bathroom, waiting.
When the door opens again, I extend a hand, admiring the perfect, but even more lovely blue costume that matches the one I wear.
"This is for the couple's skate after the competition?" he asks excitedly, "You had a copy of your costume made for me?"
"I think the blue looks better on you," I say, tilting my head to examine him more closely, "And now, I think we're more ready for dancing."
Yuuri accepts my extended hand and we take up a position for dancing. The music that was playing on my cell before has stopped, but now it seems like it's spilling out from within the two of us. I curve a palm around his cheek and he blushes. When he does the same to me, I melt. We move in much the way we will on the ice, but our feet are grounded. Yuuri's such a graceful dancer, and we're not drunk, so we move so smoothly. Our first kisses this way are almost painfully slow and heartbreakingly tender. Our feet keep moving and his hold on me tightens as I let my head tilt back so he can place more kisses on my throat, then he lowers me into a deep layback. I come back up slowly and wrap my arms around his shoulders, meeting him for more kisses.
My hands slide over his shoulders and slowly down his sides as he arches his back helping my fingers slip into his pants to curl around his bare bottom. His hands move in the same way and in a graceful shimmy, we wriggle out of the lower half of our clothes, leaving ourselves bare from the waist down. My hands run back up Yuuri's body and I give him a grin and return us to a formal dancing position, lacing our fingers together. We make couple of turns, then my arm curls around his torso and I lower him gently onto the bed.
I feel him shiver a little, so when I follow, I straddle his body and lean over him, meeting his lips to soothe away the tension. When he relaxes again, I lift myself again and move in a slow dance atop him while he looks up into my eyes and holds his hands on my naked, swaying hips. I stay that way for awhile, just to be sure he's still okay with what we're doing. He seems to really enjoy that, and I'm so warm and happy, I'm in no hurry to move on. But, finally he reaches up and pulls me down to lie on top of him, spreading his lightly trembling thighs so I can lie between them.
"Are we going to finish undressing?" he asks.
I give him a shake of my head and a devilish wink.
"No," I answer, "I was thinking that we would wear them for this, so that when we perform our couple's skate, we'll be the only ones who know that we lost our male virginity while wearing them."
"Victor!"
He tries not to laugh, but neither of us can help it, and he's blushing again.
"Oh my god, how will I keep a straight face?"
"I don't think either one of us will be keeping a straight face…since everyone knows now we're not straight."
"I guess you're right about that," he sighs, touching my face, "Okay then, we'll leave them on."
"That way, we'll never forget."
"Never," he agrees as I lower myself and press my lips to his.
I keep the pace slow and my touches gentle as I prepare him. This part of things isn't strange to us now. It's not until I slide my fingers out of his slicked entrance that I feel him stiffen a little and he closes his eyes.
"Yuuri," I whisper, making his eyes open and focus on me again, "I promise I won't hurt you."
He looks back at me with more than a little anxiety.
"I read that it can hurt."
"I know. So, I've been very thorough," I reassure him, "And anyway, aren't you being a little hypocritical?"
"Huh?" he squawks, giving me a flustered look.
"Well," I say, looking at him with a serious face, "Yuuri is a lot thicker than I am…there. I think I have more to worry about than you do."
"Wha…? That doesn't mean it won't…ah-ah!"
He gasps as he feels me make contact.
"Are you very, very sure about this, Yuuri?" I ask, holding still and watching the sweat breaking out on his forehead, "I will stop if you want me to."
He stares at me a moment longer, then swallows hard and shakes his head.
"I want Victor's warmth inside me," he says firmly.
"Okay."
In gentle, measured movements, I work my way inside him, watching his eyes carefully for any hint of pain or fear. But Yuuri's dark eyes are clear and sparkling. I try to pause, once I'm all of the way inside him, but a groan escapes his lips and he pushes his hips upward.
"Victor!"
His voice is all of the seduction my body needs, and I realize I've been wanting this badly for a long time. Restraint is hard, because Yuuri pushes up against me, moaning and panting like he's starving for each heavy thrust. And when I put my mouth on his, he attacks like he'll leave nothing left of me. His hands clench at my hips and his fingernails dig into my bottom, urging me to thrust harder and faster, to push in deeper. I find that it's quite different from being with a woman. Yuuri's body holds mine so very tightly. In just moments, I start to feel overwhelmed, and a dizzying feeling of euphoria takes over. I've never seen Yuuri Katsuki's face like this…hazy-eyed with lust and more desirable than even his best Eros.
And it's in the moment that climax takes over, when Yuuri and I are in the throes of a thunderous orgasm that it occurs to me that neither one of us is channeling his Eros in our first lovemaking. Very appropriately, it is Agape.
At least it is until I've collapsed on top of Yuuri and I'm wrapped up in the afterglow. I learn very quickly that Yuuri's stamina isn't relegated only to the ice. While I'm still lazing in his arms, he turns the tables, kneeling on the bed and dragging me onto his lap.
"Y-yuuri," I groan, "I…I'm not ready."
"Huh? But, I let you…"
I give a sleepy laugh.
"That's not what I meant," I chuckle, "I mean…I haven't caught my breath."
"Sorry," he apologizes.
But he holds onto me, letting me rest against his shoulder while he's already dampening his fingers and starting to prepare me.
"You're so impatient!" I complain, biting on his shoulder.
"I want to show Victor my love," he whispers. "I want to give Victor all of my love!"
He takes his time, pumping and thrusting his fingers, teasing the nerves inside me until I'm panting and gripping his shoulders tightly. I try to relax, but even relaxed and carefully prepared, it's a little bit painful. He looks guilty as I flinch and swallow a little gasp.
"Are you okay? Should I stop?"
I grit my teeth and shake my head.
"Keep going."
It takes some time before he's fully inserted, and my teeth stay clenched a little. But after a few breaths, I find that the discomfort fades. Yuuri's hands wrap warmly around my bare bottom, squeezing gently as he lets me set the pace. Having the upper position allows me to control the speed of our thrusts and the depth of his penetration. But in moments, I'm writhing on his lap, moaning and panting out delirious words in Russian, English and even a few Japanese words I picked up while in Hasetsu. I start to lose myself in the powerful sensations, and in an unguarded moment, Yuuri lunges forward, bringing me down on my back. His thrusts are hard and fast, and I have to knot my fingers in the sheets to hold back long enough so that we can climax at least approximately together.
Damn it! I'm at my limit and he's just…so…Yuuri!
I think it's the way I tighten around him that finally pushes him into release. He gives a little gasp, then his melting, scathing heat fills me inside. He sees tears leak onto my face and starts to panic, but I sit up quickly to reassure him.
I sit up too quickly and end up having to hold onto him while stars explode behind my eyes.
"Are you…?"
"I'm f-fine!"
I'm not, really.
It hurts.
But it also feels so good!
I'm still seeing spots, so I barely notice when he lays me back down on the bed and curls his body around mine.
I'm exhausted, but I want more.
No stamina…and Yuuri has stamina to spare. Still, I'm sure we'll manage.
Somehow…
I drop off into a deep sleep, only interrupted once by something I'm sure must be a dream.
My fuzzy vision sees someone who looks like Yuuri, out of bed and sitting naked by the window, crying almost silently and singing softly in Japanese.
I…I'm sure it must have been a dream.
(AN**The song Victor sees Yuuri sing is the Japanese love song, "I Love You." If you go on YouTube, Seto Koji does a beautiful cover of this song. Um, maybe bring tissues.)