For the next couple of days, the news of our break-up spread throughout the school like wildfire. Our classmates would smirk triumphantly at each other and proclaim that they've always known we wouldn't last. It always made me want to punch someone in the face. Ever since we broke up, I've been heartbroken; I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. I was constantly depressed and longing for Stan. Sometimes I'd sleep in my bed at night, feeling cold and lonely. And then I'd have restless dreams. I dreamt about making love to Stan; kissing his soft lips, touching his smooth skin, caressing his raven-black hair. Then I'd wake up and burst into tears upon realizing that Stan wasn't sleeping beside me.

Nowadays Stan and I went back to being good friends. But it was hard work having to pretend that I wasn't still hurting inside. I couldn't look Stan in the face without getting teary-eyed and emotional. I regretted everything I did and said… I wish I could go back in time and undo everything. But I can't… And because of my mistakes, Stan was lost to me. We would never be together. I think Stan was suffering too. I never see him smile anymore, he hardly ever laughs, and he continued to reject every girl who made a move on him. For Stan Marsh, he was lonely and stuck in his own personal hell.

One day, I was in my room and trying to concentrate on doing math problems. But my thoughts always wandered to Stan. Only earlier today in school, I caught Stan talking to an attractive girl by his locker. I was so distraught by this that I hurried away from my locker and quickly went to class. It wasn't until later that Kyle found me crying in a bathroom stall. I'm not sure how long I could keep going on like this. The man I've been dreaming about for so long was suddenly out of my reach again. I'm never going to be able to get over Stan, instead I would spend the rest of my days watching him from afar and remembering that I loved him once.

A tear fell onto my work-sheet, blotting out the ink written on it. Cursing in annoyance, I wiped away the tears in my eyes. I was so tired of falling apart. There was a sudden knock at my bedroom door and I looked up to see Karen standing there. She gazed sympathetically at me. I guess she heard about the break-up between Stan and me. Now she quietly entered my room and threw her arms around me and hugged me. I couldn't stop the tears from coming.

"You were thinking about Stan again, weren't you?" Karen guessed correctly as she watched me wipe away the tears on my sleeve. "I can't stand seeing you like this. Why don't you go see Stan? Maybe it'll make you feel better."

"I can't do that," I said sadly. "If I see Stan… I'll probably start crying in front of him. It'd be too embarrassing for me. We've kinda been avoiding each other lately."

"But that's just it! You need to stop ignoring each other," Karen protested. "I'm sure you and Stan could fix your relationship if you talk about your problems. I know you still love him. You shouldn't have to give up on him so easily."

I looked into Karen's determined expression and I knew she meant well. "I understand what you're saying. But it's much more complicated than that. Besides, Stan and I have decided that we're better off just being friends. Don't worry about me, Karen. I'll get over it eventually."

Karen wasn't convinced at all as she studied my somber expression. "No you won't, Kenny. I know you… You loved Stan like no other. You can't let him go. If you really love him, you'll go to him now. I'll bet Stan is missing you too. I know in my heart that you two were meant for each other. You can't let obstacles get in the way!"

I went back to my unfinished math assignment and shook my head. "I'm sorry, Karen. This is how it has to be. I love Stan…but I've caused him too much pain. After the way I've treated him, he doesn't deserve to be saddled with a boyfriend like me. It's for the best…"

Karen had no choice but to leave her brother alone in his bedroom. But she was restless and didn't like how things stood. Kenny was in denial… Karen often heard her heartbroken brother cry in his sleep and whisper his boyfriend's name to himself when no one was around. His depression seemed endless. Karen wanted to do something to help. There had to be something she could do to help. And that's when she decided to try talking to Stan Marsh and see how he was taking the break-up.

At the Marsh residence, Stan was on his computer looking up important information on Wikipedia. All day he'd been trying to distract himself but then memories of Kenny would only continue to haunt him. He should never have left Kenny… How could he give up the man he loved? Stan was reading an article when he heard his mother calling for him from downstairs. When he headed down the stairs, that's when he spotted his mother standing there with a surprising guest. It was Kenny's little sister Karen.

"Huh? Karen McCormick? What are you doing here?" Suddenly Stan became worried. "Is it Kenny? Did something happen? Is he here with you? What's going on?"

Karen found it interesting that Stan's first thought was Kenny. It seemed pretty obvious that Stan has been thinking about him. "It's okay. My brother is fine. I came here because I wanted to talk to you about something," she told him.

Stan appeared relieved that she wasn't there to deliver bad news. But he actually looked disappointed that Kenny wasn't here. Nevertheless Stan invited Karen up to his room where they would have more privacy to talk. Once inside his bedroom, Stan sat back down on his swivel-chair while Karen took a seat on the neatly made bed. Then she noticed something sticking out in Stan's night-stand. It was a picture of Stan and Kenny together. So Stan couldn't bring himself to get rid of it. Like Kenny, he was also having a hard time letting go.

"So what is it that you wanted to talk about?" Stan asked politely while turning his swivel chair around to face her.

No point beating around the bush. "Stanley… I came here to talk about Kenny. He misses you terribly. Ever since you two stopped seeing each other, it's like something inside him just died. He won't eat, he hardly ever sleeps. I thought maybe if you go see him, you could help him. You could also try to work out your problems. Please Stan! I know you want to see Kenny again!"

But Stan looked away in shame. "I…I can't," he said gloomily. "I think it would just make things worse. Besides, I've said hurtful things to Kenny. I got so angry at him for giving up on us. But in a way, it's my fault too. I never once thought about Kenny's feelings. I broke his heart…"

"I know, but it's not like you did it on purpose," Karen said kindly. "It sounds to me like this whole thing was just one big misunderstanding. I'm sure if you talk it out with Kenny; you'll both realize it was all just one big mistake. You can't let something like this get in the way of a relationship. Am I right?"

Suddenly Karen saw tears in Stan's eyes. Without bothering to wipe them away, Stan became guilt-ridden. "You don't understand! I can't face Kenny! I'm the one who ended our relationship. He probably already hates me for that. I wasn't there for him! Don't you see? When Kenny went under, I wasn't there! I could have helped him, but I didn't. Instead I left… It's the most unforgivable thing to do! Kenny has done so much for me, and yet I couldn't stand by him."

It tore at Karen's heart to see poor Stan blaming himself. He was so convinced that he's caused Kenny's pain. It would seem that both Stan and her brother had more problems than she thought. Was there ever any chance of reconciliation for them? But seeing the tears dripping down Stan's cheeks, Karen was starting to think it was cruel to ask them to get back together like this. Not when there was so much pain and heartache involved. Perhaps it would be left up to fate on rather Stan and Kenny would get back together.

Karen got up from the bed and approached Stan to pat him consolingly on his shoulder. "I'm sorry for upsetting you, Stan. Would you like me to get you a tissue?" When Stan shook his head no, Karen smiled and decided to back off for now. "I'd better go. But I hope you'll think about what I told you. It's not too late… You can make it right again if you'd just try."

With that, Stan watched Karen see herself out of his room and heard her go downstairs. The one good thing about Karen's visit was that it confirmed that Kenny was missing him. However this didn't make Stan feel any better. Poor Kenny was suffering because of him. What was he to do? Their relationship had been so badly damaged. Stan wasn't so sure if Kenny wanted to be with him anymore. Was there any way to save their relationship? Or was Kenny better off being a friend? Stan sat at his desk and wondered what to do as many conflicting feelings battled in his heart.

It was freezing cold that night. The dark-blue sky had dozens of stars barely visible through the dark clouds. Stan had walked out onto his backyard in his brown coat and red poof-ball cap and was looking up at the dark sky. He'd been lost in thought all day today, trying to decide what to do about his break-up with Kenny. He needed advice and Stan knew that there was only one person who might be able to help him. Checking around to make sure he was alone in the yard, Stan began to make his plea.

"Mysterion…where are you? I really need to talk to you. You have to help me. I've just lost the man I love. We broke up but…neither one of us is happy about it. I'm beginning to think it was a mistake. We've had issues with each other, and that led to an ugly argument. I feel bad for my part, but now I'm afraid. How can I bring us back together? Is there a chance for us or will it be all for nothing?"

In the cold quiet night, there was no answer. It made Stan feel isolated. "Mysterion…I know you're out there. I need to see you. I know what I did was wrong. I really hurt my boyfriend. But I…I want him back. I wish things could go back to the way they were. Mysterion? Are you there? Please come to me… I really need your help. Mysterion?"

A bedroom window opens from the house and his dad stuck his head out. "Stan? Is that you? Who are you talking to? It's not that hobo again, is it? I thought I'd told you to hide the trash-cans! They're going to eat our trash out there again!"

"No dad. I was only using the fresh air to clear my head. I'll be in shortly," Stan called back.

Mysterion didn't come for him. It seems that this was one problem he was going to have to solve on his own. But Stan was feeling more alone in the world than ever. No Kenny and no Mysterion either. He was on his own. And he still didn't know what to do about his failed relationship. Giving a sad sigh, Stan decided to go back inside his warm house. So many things were left unresolved…

A real depressing chapter, I know. But you really have to admire Karen. She shines in this chapter and I've grown to love her in a few episodes. Keep those reviews coming! I appreciate readers saying hello every now and then!