Chapter 26: Night at the Graveyard
09:49 AM (Japan Time), August the 15th…
"… Ta – dan! Open up or we'll break the door open with a berserk Harley – Davidson! Full speed ahead! Hah, hah, hah! Waterloo strikes back, gentlemen! Uncle Merton Direct Attacks!"
Oda, as always, was uttering nonsense as he entered the office and found Torolov talking with Obihiro.
"Crap." Torolov grumbled.
"We're doomed." Obihiro grimly muttered.
"What's this? Oh! Where's the hidden camera at? Hey! Hear me out! I'm so gonna win yer trip to Jawaii, like it or not!" Oda grinned and began looking around.
"… Laika has already returned to the HQ and I'm scheduled to return in two days… I came to say bye In case I couldn't drop by." Torolov was telling Obihiro while trying to pretend that Oda wasn't there.
"Thanks. I'll tell Ijuuin - kun as well. Good luck."
"Thanks."
"One, two, three. Hop."
In the blink of an eye both he and Torolov had run outta the office while at the same time leaving the door halfway open in their haste.
"Ops! They forgot their donuts! They're afraid I'm gonna devour 'em all! Heh, heh, heh! Tremble! I'm so gonna drive my Harley – Davidson 'round the district!" Oda looked very amused and laughed from time to time.
Still laughing, he walked out of the office and happened to meet an officer.
"Officer! Beware of man-eating books!" Oda told him.
"Yes, sir! Huh? What?" The officer saluted only to look baffled.
Oda kept on walking away, laughing, and the officer blinked.
"What was that?" He wondered.
"The Boss' craziness." Another officer who walked past him in a rush let out before becoming out of sight.
"His utter nonsense!"
"Ahem, ahem! Uncle Merton will pick off your donuts!"
"Nobody eats donuts here! This ain't Ameroupe."
"Yeah. We only eat rice cookies."
"Heh, heh, heh. Is that so? Then Rice Cookie Eater Man will come from Liverpool with the 4:44 PM express!"
"Oh man! Not the PA system again!" Someone groaned.
"Someone shut that thing up!"
"Yo. I applaud your extra hours, Danna."
"See, Uncle Moriarty's nephew joined the party!"
"That Eisei guy! He always shows up to troll us and unfortunately he always fuels the Boss' ego!" Someone grumbled.
"Gonna shake the shaking shaker of shakes!" Eisei joked.
"Good one, my young man! You're improving."
"But Danna has far more experience than this jerk, see."
"Oho. No denying that! Bellows, crucible, castings! Beware of the insects below the stones! Do not try to access them or you will be added to the local Sentinels' targets list!" Oda laughed.
"Someone save us." A random officer groaned.
"Run for your sanity!"
"Run 'till ya beat the Olympic athletes!" Eisei laughed.
"Oho! Not bad! Well then! Let's see if any of these gentlemen here will make it to London next summer! Oda off the switch!"
07:02 AM (Latvia Time)…
He should be about to come…
Ernst was sitting in a corner of a small graveyard adjacent to a small church: fog covered the several rows of headstones and there was no artificial lighting while a part of the moon shone on the sky which was partly obscured by the clouds.
Huh? He came!
He heard soft footsteps stepping into the area and a flashlight examining the terrain but he merely remained in the same position and watched how the person walked down the central alleyway until they'd reached the far wall: they then turned around and began scanning around.
Come on! Light this spot!
When the person was about to turn to the right they quickly flashed the light towards the left and spotted Ernst: the person gasped.
"Good evening, Mr. Nikolay Simonov." Ernst greeted.
The person walked closer and some light from his flashlight illuminated him: he was a man on his early thirties, with combed short brown hair, brown eyes and clean shaven.
He wore gardener's boots and clothes along with a straw hat.
"Ernst! My God. I wasn't expecting to run into you here, of all places. What happened to you has been all over the village…" The man, Simonov, looked surprised.
"I did it on purpose. I needed to talk with Mr. Simonov about an important matter." Ernst admitted.
"What is it?" Mr. Simonov asked.
"It was something which my late mother wanted to tell you just before that happened…" Ernst admitted.
"Huh? And what was it about?" Mr. Simonov inquired.
"Mother wanted to… propose to Mr. Simonov." Ernst revealed.
Mr. Simonov gasped and looked stunned.
"T-then… I had… thought of proposing as well… but I thought it would be a sin, thus I never spoke of it with anyone… Did the vicar…?" Mr. Simonov asked.
"Indeed. He gave Mother the "go ahead", so as to speak…" Ernst sighed with deep sadness on his voice.
"… Ernst…" Mr. Simonov muttered.
"I know. It won't change anything. But at least she will be in peace knowing that I could tell Mr. Simonov…" Ernst replied.
"… Indeed. God may bless all…" Mr. Simonov did the crucifix sign.
"Mr. Simonov… Can I…? Can I think…? No! That's not honest enough… Can I call you "Father"?" Ernst asked while standing up and looking troubled to finally looked up to him with tears on his eyes.
"… You can. Ernst." Mr. Simonov looked emotional.
Ernst actually headed over to Mr. Simonov and embraced him, looking relieved and smiling.
"… Thank you… Father." Ernst told him.
"… There's nothing to thank me for. Whenever you want to, we can meet." Mr. Simonov told him.
"Thank you. However… I think that great events are about to transpire. I wanted to confess this in case I could not come here easily." Ernst replied, looking up at the skies.
"… I see. Take care… Son." Mr. Simonov made a small smile.
"Thank you. I must be going. Good night, Father."
"Good night, Son."
Mother… I finally have a REAL Father! You can rest in peace…!
14:34 PM (Japan Time)…
"… What a bunch of crazy imitators! They can't compete with THE man: Alfred "Yellow"! Bwah, hah, hah! Yer all fired! Go sweep the streets with yer brooms and act like ye were in a rock band!"
"… Yeah. That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard."
Are ya sure of it, ani-ue-sama?
Leon had been watching another crazy video in which Alfred was babbling nonsense yet again: Sieg sounded amused.
What are you guys up to now? Leon demanded.
Dunno. Eisei says Danna has something important on the works, but he won't say anythin' till 11 days from now. Maybe we've won the summer lottery. Sieg let out before adding his idea about what it was about.
That's for sure. Leon shot back.
Nah. I'm sure we're gonna take over the Le Mans F-1 Race and use it to win a fortune. Sieg laughed.
Hmpf! I don't believe your Boss is the kind of person to do such pointless things. Leon told him.
Heh, heh, heh! Ya never know: he's an Oxford genius! Sieg announced.
Isn't he from Asia? Leon frowned.
It's just a way of speakin', ani-ue-sama! Sieg replied.
Ah. You know: you wouldn't even impress a passerby. Leon told him with a smirk.
Wanna give it a try? Sieg suggested.
No. Go bust some Viruses and tell Alfred to exhibit them. Leon told him.
I love how that sounds like. I'll go deal with that ASAP before the Viruses migrate to their nest in Stockholm. See ya 'round the neighborhood, ani-ue-sama!
"… Phew. He left."
"VBN! Back with a vengeance!"
"It's begun!" Leon grinned.
"… "Well! Back to work! You gotta retrieve the phone owned by Crisóstomos Barrigoulos, the ship-owner! He's now onboard the SS Queen Redo in Dock 7… Get there and you know the drill: don't come back sans the thing!" … "Hum! The gangway has vigilance… How do we get in?" … "Piece of a cake, Boss! I deposit you softly in the deck with the crane and then I come in with my swallow disguise!" … "Aha! The pincer is coming down…" … "CLAP! UA~H!" … "Huh! What? Thunders!" … "Ow! Ah! Ua~h!" … "G-gotta open the thing! With this lever...? Or this one…? Ah! It opened! Gosh! What a blow! Seven tiles cracked!" … * undecipherable curses * … "Calm down, Boss! Look: firstly get into an empty drum and then there'll be no danger! Aha! All's fine! Now I softly turn half-way around to aim for the ship… Crap! This ting's gone berserk! I can't halt it!" … "What the hell are you doing, you moron? What are you doing? Ua~h!" … "TROMPFL!" … "Y-you'll have to excuse me… The idiot of my assistant, see… The guy…" … "PTAF!" … "Gosh! What an oar blow from the downside up! What an oar blow!" … "OK, OK! The crane system is abandoned!" … Guess!"
"Let's see… Hum… The crane caught F by the nose first. And then he hit someone with an oar… An oar boat…" Leon deduced.
"Bravo! "Got it, see! I act as gangway and you can get in through the porthole!" … "I like it! Heh, heh! Especially that part of stepping over you! Huh! AH!" … "Ops! I forgot! My hair-growth lotion using monkey grease…!" "HELP! GL!" … "Don't worry, Boss! Stay there! I'll bring a rope!" … "The sea's rough today, eh? Even here in the port you can feel the ship swinging!" … "BOSS! Come on! Come on! See? You're out! Nothing's happened! If you had any better idea then you should've told me, huh! What a demanding snobby guy!" … "They're loading… We'll get into a container so that they bring us onboard! Get in! Quick!" … "And that container? We don't bring it up?" … "Not ours… The dredge which picks up all dirt and lode in the port left it there!" … CLICK! … "Are these your best ideas, Boss? Are they?" … "Shut up!" …"
"Yikes. The container wasn't empty." Leon gasped.
"Bravo!"
"… "Hey! If it ain't Mortadelo & Filemón! You don't ride in the boat?"… "Ride in the boat?" … "Of course! Today you can visit it for free because it's Saint Remo, the sailors' saint!" … "Boss, I think you shouldn't have done that… Poor Peláez…" … "Shut up!" … "A~JGLGLGL! Are you crazy, man? Get me outta 'ere~! GLGL!" … "See, see! There's Barrigoulos chatting with the phone!" … "He's pocketed it on the coat's pocket and is coming over here!" … "What an idea! Hide inside of that and when he gets here I'll distract him and you steal the thing!" … "Fine! But pay attention: I don't want more failures!" … "Huh? What's wrong with this guy?" …" Bejjj! When I step into a ship I get sick… I need to vomit! UARGLGLJJJ! Done! What a relief!" … "B-boss! What…?" … PTAF! … * undecipherable curses * … "That Barrigoulos guy is coming back! Let's try again! To be safer say "lovely day" when he gets here so there'll be no doubts!" … "OK, Bosss!" … "Brrr! After having to mop the deck I gotta pain the boats again… Lovely day!" … ZIP! … "Thunders! Could it be? Touch to me the… The… To me, the most brutal sailor in the seven seas! Eat touching, you cockroach! Eat this!" … TROMPF! ... So! What do you think?"
"Yikes. A guy threw up on the ventilation funnel and then a brute sailor was grumbling about "lovely day" so Filemón mistook the guy and ended up being punched!" Leon gasped.
"Excellent!"
"… "Boss! You OK…? NG!" … ZIP! CRONCH! RLON, RLON, RLON, RLON, RLON! "… Thunders! We've dropped atop the engine room's panels! This thing's turned on!" … FLOATCH! CRANC! … Run, Boss! We gotta get outta 'ere~!" … "Come on! Let's not act like two hold hysterical women! Let's use the head!" …"Well! You really use it in a weird manner, Boss!" … PLONC! …"L-let's go to the command bridge… We gotta turn around and return to the harbor! Quick! Turn the wheel! Head starboard!" … "Yes, Boss!" … "Not so fast!" … "Well… Not so fast… What's the deal? Why, Boss! Now we've turned around! Completely! Crap, Boss! What a mood today! You keep on seeing flaws… GLGL!" … "Sharks!"…"
"Sharks! Where, when?" Leon nervously asked.
"… Just that ya know! The whole ship capsized! Well! "…There are sharks in these waters!" … "What are you talking about, Mr. Barrigoulos? Pilchards and nothing else!" …"None, you say? Then look at this bite! The pocket where I had the phone!" … "Heh, heh! Luckily I've got a good stock of disguises, eh, Boss? Mr. Super! We got the phone of Barrigoulos!" … "Well then! Destroy it! But I want something safe and flawless, eh?" … "Allow me, allow me!" … "Hum! I don't trust them… I'll follow them to see what they do… They got in through that door… I'll follow them! I knew it! The left it here to rot! The…!" … "Done, Boss! I placed it on the power hammer! Now I gotta turn it on… And the gizmo's done for! Heh, heh! I'm going to pick the remains. M-Mr. Super!" … "PRRRRJTX!" … Good, good! Next is… The "Marshal Cimatárrez Chapter"! VBN! Off air!"
"Whoa. So they did have a plan to dispose of the thing but it accidentally hit Mr. Super…"
Leon's computer beeped and he looked at this email inbox to see a mail from Sieg: he opened it and found a picture of some gigantic black-colored demon-like monster.
"What? Great Evil God Zorc? He's trolling me again!"
Sure I am! ani-ue-sama!
SIEG! Don't stick your nose where you're unaccounted!
Heh, heh, heh. I predict that Mr. Universe will drop by and leave a parcel on the deck which will be a pigeon's rotting corpse for Burner Man to dispose of "Marchando" style!
How annoying! Get lost!
Sure, but before that I'll chant you the hip-hop motto.
OUT! GET OUT!
Heh, heh, heh. I love that yelling voice: it turns me on. See ya!
"This guy…! Grah! Will he ever leave me alone?"
13:45 PM (Philippines Time)…
"… Trolling goes the troll of the cave… Heh, heh, heh! I'm a genius! A GENIUS!"
Eisei was standing in the balcony overseeing and listening to some music via his Link PET's headphones while chuckling: his Link PET rang and he looked at the screen:
"UNKNOWN CALLER"
"… Maybe they got the wrong number. Let's check it out."
He pressed the 'REPLY' button and paid attention.
"Espèce de projectile guide! Espèce de zouave! Aux armes!" Someone exclaimed in a rush.
"W-what? Excuse me?" Aaron frowned.
"Bandit! Pirate! Gangster! Ouvrez, ou je fais un malheur!" The voice told him next.
"What? I'm a bandit, a pirate and a gangster? And you also told me I'm some kind of guided projectile? And why did you rally me to get the "arms"? This is isn't a ship!"
"Naufrageurs! Flibustiers! Frères de la côte! Troglodyte! Cornichons! Va-nu-pieds! Visigoths! Anacoluthes!"
"Filibusters? Troglodytes? And something else which I can't decode?"
"Forban! Espèce de super-héro Ameropaine! Espèce de coupe-jarret! Tu as de la chance que je ne te fasse pas avaler ta machine! Mais file, vipère! Et que je ne te retrouve plus jamais sur mon chemin!"
"I'm some kind of Ameroupe super-hero? I didn't understanding the rest of it except for "machine" and "viper". Who are ya?"
"Au large, flibustier! Hors de ma vue! Sapajou! Marchand de tapis! Paranoïaque! Moule à gaufres! Cannibale! Ornithorynque! Boit-sans-soif! Bachi-bouzouk! Anthropophage! Cercopithèque! Schizophrène! Jocrisse!"
"… Huh… What…? What did ya say…? Filibuster…? Paranoid…? Man-eater…? Platypus? Schizophrenic?"
"Ectoplasme! Coloquinte! Rapace! Trompe-la-mort! Ostrogoth! Vandale! Bougre de mouchard!"
"Speak clearly!"
"Torpille à bâbord! La barre à tribord, toute!" The voice gasped and sounded nervous.
"What's up now?
"La barbe à rabord! Euh! Non! La barre à bâbord, 30º!" The voice began commanding only to seemingly realize a mistake and fix it.
"You did a mistake?"
"La barre à tribord, 45ª! Torpille à tribord! Tonnerre de Brest! Vite! Au transmetteur d'ordres! En avant, mille sabords! Full speed!" The voice gasped and exclaimed the last two words in English.
"Full speed…? You're in a ship?"
"Mille millions de mille sabords! Tonnerre de tonnerre de Brest! Le transmetteur d'ordres est bloqué sur "marche arrière"…! Vite! Un tournevis!" The voice grumbled.
"What march? Do you mean a military march?"
"Vite! Vite! Débloquer cette fichue mécanique!" The voice grumbled.
"What about a mechanic? Did something get broken?"
"PCHKRA~PRVT! TRRKHHKRA~H!" The voice hissed.
"What are ya talkin' in now? Are ya talkin' Russian or what?"
"Espèce de satané bazar de… Fourbi de truc! Tiens! OUWA~H!" The voice grumbled before yelling in pain.
"Oi! What's going on? Is there a mutiny going on?"
"Tiens! Saleté d'appareil à sous! Tiens!"
Some "BING" and "PANG" noises of a hard object smashing something metallic could be heard on the background.
"Allo? Allo, les machines? Allo?"
"You're ringing up the engine room?"
"Trop tard! Nous sommes touches!" The voice gasped as an explosion sound was heard in the background twice.
"Oi! Who are ya? What's going on?"
"… Heh, heh, heh… You didn't do your idioms lesson, Eisei Aaron." A familiar voice told him in Japanese.
"Noir? Wha! You were the Frenchman?"
"How was my acting like?" Noir laughed.
"I didn't get most of it."
"Heh, heh, heh! Don't worry: it's just in one very popular bande desssinée… It's said that Mr. Spielberg and Mr. Jackson are gonna portray to the cinema soon enough… This October! You could try findin' it! I'll give ya a clue: coal." Noir amusedly told him.
"Coal?"
"Just that you know: I picked off your MAC address ever since we "interrogated" ya onboard Purgatory. That's why I knew your number. See ya around and beware of sambouks."
"Just what did he want to tell me?" He wondered.
"… S-s-o-o-n-n… I am-m, the K-King of…!"
"Wha! The ghost in the machine! Huh! They're gone!"
Eisei whipped around trying to catch a glimpse of the hologram but it was gone again: Kuroban rushed out while looking nervous.
"It's progressing! No doubt! It's my Father!"
"But what does he want to tell us…?"
14:57 PM (Japan Time)…
"… Mice can't run away… from a sniper's bullets…"
"Heh! Good motto."
Qong was practicing with Tom as his spotter in the VR Room and they had spotted his target: a limousine travelling across a bridge which was escorted by another four cars on the sides and two choppers above it which made it obvious that the occupant was not just anyone.
"Heh, heh, heh. Normal idiots would think we'll be targeting the one in the limo… But we're smarter than that." Tom smirked.
Qong didn't reply and zoomed on the front-most chopper: he could see a man in business suit wearing a pilot's helmet with shades and a microphone while a bodyguard was sitting at his right: the man was looking out at the panorama via the window.
"There you are."
Qong and Tom were standing in the attic apartment of a tall nearby skyscraper: Qong aimed towards the chopper and kept his aim steady as it slowly closed on the building to sweep the streets with its spotlight.
"… Alea jacta est." He emotionlessly announced.
He shot the virtual tranquilizer bullet which made it through the window and hit the person's left side of the neck thus making them fall asleep: both Qong and Tom quickly ran out of the apartment and down the emergency stairs.
"Phase 2: Retreat from sniping position."
They both managed to run out into the street and climbed into a motorbike which sped away and did a detour to join the mass of rush hour vehicles in a nearby highway.
"They won't know who shot. Mission accomplished." Qong announced as he placed the safety in the rifle.
"Sure thing!"
The whole environment faded and Qong surveyed his detailed results screen before shutting it off: he then saw Zero leaning on a corner while having his arms folded: it was obvious that he'd been watching.
"Did this one suit you guys?" He asked.
"It was pretty clever." Tom grinned.
"Yeah. Not bad." Qong replied.
"Good!"
"Oi, Zero! I need ya."
"Need me, you say, Tozukana? What for?"
"To see if Kage is going out with that gal!"
"I'm not here to snoop into you guys' private time: my job is to locate criminals and terrorists. See you."
"Oi! Wait!"
Tozukana had suddenly run into the room while looking impatient and annoyed but Zero fumed and walked out while she brandished the closed right fist as a menacing gesture but he either didn't see that or didn't pay attention to her antiques.
"Tozukana… You never learn!" He grumbled.
He headed down the corridor and stopped in front of the closed armored doors: he dematerialized, entered a Cyber World corridor with several walls of energy blocking the path (which opened when he touched them with his right hand) and then materialized again inside of the super-computer room: he sighed and brought up a screen with a list of something on it which he studied.
"Why would Shunoros ask for such a strange mix of materials and what do they plan on building with that?"
Shrugging, he switched to another screen and spotted Bubble Man creeping into a Cyber World somewhere.
"Hmpf. So he's sticking his nose out in the warehouse."
"… Puku! Heh, heh, heh! This place is decorated with Golden Star logos: if I tell someone then I'll be rewarded! Puku!"
"Unless that "someone" can drop parachute troopers there or has canoes then the info wouldn't be very useful, you see." Zero muttered.
"… It'd seem a damned mouse slipped inside…"
"YIKES! PUKU!"
"What, Bubble Man?"
"Yikes! You know of me, puku?"
"Friend-sellers are not welcome here! Flee before I turn you into cosmic dust! FLEE~!"
"A~H! PUKU~! RUN FOR YOUR BUBBLES!"
"Good job, Cosmo Man."
"Thank you, Zero. I can't stand the sight of that piece of rubbish." Cosmo Man grumbled back.
"I can't either."
"Oi! This is Golden Star's hideout, then? It better be worth the 7550Z you asked for the info!"
"Hmpf… Not the hideout but this place belongs to us, yes."
"Wha~h! There's security! I'm off, I'm off! I got fooled!"
"Tell something to your kind: Bubble Man cannot be trusted! You'd be better off beating them to a pulp."
"Oh yeah! Wait there you dwarf! I'll bury ya yet!"
"Good, good! Let's scare them away and then those Ameroupe idiots can't say we're indiscriminate when attacking!" Zero chuckled.
"Hmpf…"
"… Heh, heh, heh."
"Gray Thunderbolt!" Cosmo Man exclaimed.
"What!" Zero gasped.
"Yo. Danna. Did ya hear the news? Noir can speak French!"
"We all knew that, you damned mouse."
"Oho! So now I'm a damned mouse, eh? How's this like?"
"Huh? What did you do?"
"Hello there~! Uncle Merton's favorite nephew, Superintendent Oda, on the line~! To troll and roll!"
"Thunders!" Zero cursed.
"That's bad?" Cosmo Man asked.
"You thought the VBN's trio gags were silly? These are worse and they're not rip-offs!" Zero cursed.
"No way!"
"Way of the ways goes Mr. Way of the ways."
"W-w-w-WHAT?" Cosmo Man blurted.
"And then Mr. Evil Shoes will devour Mr. Demon Shoes."
"By the Supernovas! I'm off before he drives me mad!"
"Heh, heh, heh. Uncle Merton: 1! Uncle Moran: 0! Heh, heh, heh."
"Damn it. And now he fuels his ego too!" Zero groaned.
"My aunt Emeralda was telling my uncle Rogio that his beard was pathetic when compared to King Melchior's own beard."
"Quick! Mute the line! Phew! That was close… Damned Gray Thunderbolt: he brings trouble along!"
Show up again and I'll beat you with my tactics! My word!