In Another Life

Then, as quickly as it had begun, their moment was over.

"Rick! Oh, my god! Rick, are you OK?"

Lori's voice broke through the barrier created between them and the others and Andrea tore her eyes from him. The others wouldn't notice, but he saw the pain in her eyes, the guilt that her lashes hid. She used his shoulder as leverage as she pushed herself to her feet, fingers trailing ever so gently on the skin of his neck. He stood up and, side by side, they walked over to the others. An invisible, undetectable bond drew them together, but a very real barrier was erected between them.

Loris arms wound around his neck and, out of habit and instinct, his wrapped around her back. Andrea didn't look at either of them, didn't need to, she simply carried on walking. All Rick could do was watch her back as she headed towards the RV. Dale put his hands on her arms and Rick saw him ask if she was OK. She nodded and brushed his hands away and, for a second, caught his eyes.

There was a small, sad smile on her lips and he watched as she heaved a great sigh and then pulled herself into the RV.

This was one hell of a mess he'd gotten them into.

She questioned her decision again, when Sophia went missing. She wanted, so desperately, to believe that the little girl would be OK and she refused to give up looking. When Rick and Daryl came back and said they hadn't found her, Carol collapsed.

Thats what I was like. She thought, as she wrapped an arm around her friends shaking form. This brought it all back and, though she knew it was acutely selfish of her, Andrea felt like she'd lost Penny all over again.

"It's gonna be OK." She told her, as Carol hid her face in Andreas hair, sobbing relentlessly onto her friends shoulder. "I'm gonna find her."

She gently passed Carol over to Lori, who she could barely look in the eyes, and then stood up. Immediately, her hand went to her belt, and she stopped on her way to the barrier. Slowly, she turned around to face the group.

"Where's my gun?" She asked, in a dangerously low voice. She studied the faces of the others, ruling them out one after the other. Rick looked surprised, as did Shane, T-Dog was indifferent and nursing his bloody and torn arm. Daryl was looking towards the woods, he didn't seem to be too bothere. Dale, on the other hand, looked shifty. She raised her eyebrows at him and he sighed.

"I just don't think you need it right now." He said and she scoffed.

"Excuse me? Dad?" That hurt, she could tell. "Give me it back."

She walked towards him, hand held out. He shook his head, slowly.

"What do you think I'm gonna do, stick it in my mouth the minute you give it back?"

"I haven't ruled it out." He said and she opened her mouth, ready with a snappy comment, when he carried on speaking. "But you were going to kill yourself in that building. You were ready to stay and I don't know how he did it, but Rick saved your life. He might not be around to do that, the next tme suicide takes your fancy."

That was a mistake. Andrea felt the tension ripple through the group and she herself felt like a cat who'd had her tail pulled. She had to work to keep her temper under control.

"I'm going to look for that little girl." She told him. "I'm gonna do it with or without my gun. So you can either give me it back, and rick me taking a fancy to suicide again, or you can be responsible when I come Walking back in here, if you catch my drift."

She was serious. Whether he could see it in her eyes or hear it in her voice, she didn't care. All she cared about was the fact that he retreated into the RV and came back out holding the Ladysmith her father had given her. When she took hold of it, Andrea felt like she was reuiniting with an old friend. It unnerved her, how good the gun felt in her hand, but she didn't dwell on it. She slipped it into the back of her jeans and turned away from Dale without another word.

"It's dangerous, going out at night." Shane said, as she passed through the middle of the group. She paused and looked back at him.

"You're welcome to tag along, but no ones forcing you."

"I'll go." Daryl said, picking up his crossbow.

"No." Rick interrupted. "I'll go."

"Rick-" Lori's voice cut in but the look on Ricks face halted her words.

"It's my fault she's out there." He said, his voice dangerous low, his eyes on the floor. "I'm going." He looked up at Andrea and the look in his eyes was like fire. "We'll go."

Andrea was all too aware of Rick's presence beside her as they walked through the pitch black woods. About three feet into the trees, she'd started to think that perhaps this wasn't such a good idea. Not so much because of the threat of imminent death; more the fact that she and Rick hadn't been alone at night since...well, it didn't help their situation if she started thinking about it. He wouldn't be thinking about it, she knew, and she shouldn't be. Not while a little girls life was in danger.

"This would be easier if we could just shout for her." Rick sighed. "She hears us shuffling through the bushes, she's probably just gonna think we're Walkers and take off in the other direction."

"Nothing about this is idea, Rick." She told him and, out of the corner of her eye, saw him cast her a glance.

"You talking about Sophia, or us?"

"I'm talking about the situation in general." She replied, too quickly.

"Andrea, I-"

"Jesus, Rick." She groaned, pausing in her tracks and putting a hand to her forehead. "How many times do you wanna have this conversation? You're married, we get it. This, us, it's wrong. We've both got that hammered into our brains, I think we're good on that front. Now, I'm done talking about it."

"I told you I loved you!" He pointed out, looking at her as if she'd lost her mind.

"Didn't change anything." She shrugged, "For better or for worse."

Rick flinched as she quoted wedding vows to him. She did it on purpose, he knew. Wordplay at it's best. She carried on walking and he sighed, heavily, before he followed her. As they walked, he continually and subconsciously found his eyes drawn to her behind. The light from his torch illumminated enough of the path ahead for him to see the outline through her jeans and he had to snap himself out of it everytime it happened. And it happened too many times.

"Rick." She told him, "If you don't stop pointing that light at my ass, I swear to god, I'll ram it down your throat."

"Bit of an overreaction." He mumbled and she stopped. As he joined her, he saw that her eyes were closed and she seemed to be biting the inside of her lip, clearly trying not to lose her temper.

"Can we focus?" She asked, gesturing at the forest.

"Dammit, Andrea." He sighed, "We've been out here for hours. We're not gonna find her and we're also not gonna be any use to anyone if we don't get any rest."

She seemed to think about what he said for a moment, which surprised him. Then she nodded and he smiled slightly.

"Fine." She said, still nodding. "You're right. You go back, I'll keep looking."

"What? No! Thats not what I meant, at all."

"I know, but I'm no use to anyone, anyway, so it makes no difference whether I sleep or not, right?" She said, a sardonic smile on her lips. Her words made him pause and he frowned. She sighed. "I can't do Laundry like Lori and Carol can, I can't cook all that well, I can't hunt like Daryl and everyones been watching me like hawks since the CDC, afraid I'm going to off myself at any moment. It's like I'm some ticking time bomb and they're all just waiting for me to go off. I feel like they might as well be putting bets on."

"Don't be ridiculous." He said, shaking his head. "No one thinks you're useless, Andrea."

"But I am, Rick. I have no purpose and I have no reason to be here! Why do you think I wanted to stay in the first place? I'm nothing but a burden!"

He was shocked to hear the words come out of her mouth, but the determined set to her lips and the look in her eyes told him she meant it when she said she felt that way. She wasn't being melodramtic or seeking his attention; she didn't have a place, she didn't have a job. Therefore, she wasn't helping anyone and was just a drain on their resources. He shook his head, stubbornly, and she laughed outloud. She was actually laughing.

"You just don't get it, Rick. You're a leader, I wouldn't expect you toooo-WATCH OUT!" Her hands snapped up, the gun pointed directly at his face and Rick threw himself to the floor as she fired. There was a thud beside him and he rolled over to see a Walker, with a bullet hole square between it's eyes. His heart was still racing and he looked up at Andrea, who was still holding up her gun, staring at the space where the Walker had been not a moment before.

"Yeah," Rick said, pushing himself to his feet and pushing her arms down, a smile of shock plastered over his face. "You're completely useless."

She slowly joined in his laughter as he hugged her and slowly, she felt her laughter turn to tears as she clung to him, knowing she would always have to let go, and knowing everytime she did, it was going to hurt just as much as the first time. Right there and then, she promised herself that would be the last time she cried over Rick Grimes. If she didn't stop then, she never would.