Hey guys.. How we are doing today?? It's Tuesday and on Thursday I don't have to go to work because it's a national day for us.. I'm already happy!! As for this chapter I feel kind of a drama queen and it will be drama.. So.. hope you like it..


Chapter 26

"When you are like this I think that you use my love for your advantage"

"I hope you don't. I love you. I truly do. And I want to be with you but if you keep like this I don't know if it's the best for us to get married"

What Spencer said still running through my mind. Do I really take advantage of her love? Could I? But.. She said that we shouldn't get married. Does she not want me as I want her? I know I was harsh on her. I said things without thinking. That's why the say that teeth hold the tongue. I always was irrational, running into conclusion for everyone. But why I did this with Spencer? Did I push her so much? Maybe I did because I never saw her so hurt before. Maybe she was right after all. I do take advantage of her love. And I need to stop doing this. If I want a future with her I have to stop being like this and especially with Spencer.

Except from what Spencer said for us I can't take my mind off Paulie and what the officer told us. That bitch was still alive. I knew I had to make sure that she was dead before but I had to get out of that house. And now we have to go to the station to see if it is her. After all what happened I am still feeling strange. Spencer and I never fight and if we did was for little things and then we made up. But this time she said things that I can't forget and I don't know if I want to. Because everything she said was right. And if I hurt her I need to stop doing this..

We waited for Christine to come home and then we could go back to the station. I wasn't sure if I wanted to come face to face with that woman. She was a fucking crazy bitch and she wanted my Spencer back. I just wasn't sure what I would face. What if it wasn't her? What if she was still out there spying on us, planning her new plan? Questions that I don't know if I have answers for. And if I had I don't know if I would want to.

"Ashley? Are you ready?" Ashley.. She never called me Ashley. Only when she was mad at me for something but after an hour she would call me again Ash, or baby. Well an hour was five hours later and she still called me Ashley..

"Yeah, I'm ready. What time Glen should be here?"

"He told me he should be here in 10 minutes. When he'll come we go."

"Ok."

That was it. Typical. We never were typical. We were always Spashley, as everyone called us. From what I see, this time I pushed Spencer and she keeps her distance from me. Do I like it? No. Did I do this to us? Yes. Nice.. Very nice Ashley..

Glen was right at time. When I opened the door for him to get in he saw my face and looked at me. I could see in his eyes that he was asking me 'what is going on?'. But what I could say to him. That I am so fucked up of person? That I keep hurting his sister with my insecurities? So I just looked at him and mouthed an 'it's ok' and told him to get in.

"Hey, Glen. Sorry from calling you the last minute but we have to go to the police station. They think they found Paulie" Spencer said and Glen looked at me again.

"Oh, that bitch. I hope they lock her for good. Crazy bitch"

"Yeah, so Spence? Are you ready?"

"Yes, lets go."

Before I follow her outside to her car Glen stopped me wrapping my arm.

"Ashley? What is going on?"

"Nothing is going on Glen"

"Come on. I know you two. And this room smells like tension"

"Nothing. Leave it Glen"

"I can't leave it Ashley. Now tell me"

"Spencer is waiting. Ask your sister"

I didn't want to tell Glen while Spencer was outside waiting. But this guy knew. Glen was at our house many times so he came used to us. He knew us very well and I couldn't hide anything from him.

"What did Glen want?"

"Nothing"

"Ok" that's what I mean. In other case Spencer would ask me what Glen wanted and she wouldn't answer with just an 'ok'. I guess pay back is a bitch?..

We arrived at the police station after half an hour. Silence was what we had all the way there. I didn't push her to talk. What I could say? She was right every time.

"Hello, we are looking for Detective Lewis."

"Does he expect you?"

"Yes, we are Spencer Carlin and Ashley Davies. We came to recognise someone."

"Wait here Ms."

We waited till Detective Lewis came for us. I was feeling nervous. I didn't know if I was ready to see if it was her. What if she wasn't? All I needed right now was Spencer to hold me. To hold my hand and tell me that everything is going to be ok. And she did. She held my hand although we were in no real speaking terms.

"Are you ready Ms Davies?"

"yes, detective."

We held hands and we got inside the room were they had the suspects. When they turned on the lights I knew it. She was there. Number 3. Paulie Hatchson. I saw her looking right through me but I knew she couldn't see us. After all it was a mirror separating us.

"Ms Davies? Is Paulie Hatchson one of the women in there?"

"Yes. Number 3."

"Thank you Ms Davies. If we need you for something else we may contact you"

"Ok"

"She will be charged for kidnapping, attack with purpose of death and assault. I guess she will be locked for years"

"Thank you Detective. For everything."

"How you feel seeing her after all these years?" I saw Spencer looked at me surprised. I couldn't hold that question inside and I was sorry because the moment I asked her that I was already regretted it.

"What kind of a question is this Ashley?"

"Well.."

"Well what?"

"You saw her after all these years. How you felt?"

"How I felt? Do you know how I felt seeing her? Disgusted. Furious. Angry. Do you like the emotions I have about her? Or do you want me to say that she was beautiful, exactly as I remembered her. With a great body and sorry that she is locked up because now I can never have her?"

"Do you?"

"Do I what?"

"Do you feel sorry she is locked up?"

"You will never change Ashley. Never. I guess what I told you about loving you never came to your ears." Why am always so stupid? Why I don't keep my mouth closed? Why?

"I.. I.. don't know what to say Spencer"

"What? You are not saying sorry again? Why not?"

"I'm sorry"

"That is not enough you know. Not any more."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know what I mean. I only know that you hurt me because you don't trust me"

"I trust you. I do."

"We can't have this conversation here. People are watching. We will discuss it when we got home"

I didn't say yes. I didn't say no. I just nodded and followed her back to her car. I guess we need to discuss what is going on with us. What is going with me?

"Hey girls? How did it go? That bitch is locked up?"

"Yes, Glen. It was her. I recognised her."

"That is a good thing. Isn't it?"

"I guess"

"Why you both have these faces. What did happen?"

"Glen, thank you for watching Christine. But I need to talk with Ashley."

"Ok. What is going on?"

"It's something between us if you don't mind" I saw them speaking to each other. If I knew Glen he wouldn't leave unless he knew what was happening. But Spencer wouldn't tell him anything before we had this talk.

"Of course I mind. I love both of you and I care for you. So don't tell me that"

"Glen, stop it. I don't have anything to say."

"Ok. Do you want to take Christine with me so you can talk?"

"Yes, I would like that. Because I don't want her to hear anything that she shouldn't."

"That bad?"

"Glen.."

"Ok.. Christine? Princess?"

"Yes, uncle Glen?"

"What you think of ice-cream?"

"I love it."

"Say bye to your mommies"

"Bye momma, bye mommy"

We both looked at Christine leaving with Glen. Sometimes I wish I was on her age.

"We need to talk Ashley"

"Ashley? All day long you keep calling me by my full name"

"Don't change the subject"

"I don't."

"Why you are like this Ashley? What do you want?"

"I don't know what you are saying"

"Ashley. Are you serious? You keep yelling, you accused me two times of having feelings for some psycho. And you don't seem to understand that I love you."

"I.."

"Don't say sorry again because I'll hit you. Really. Sorry doesn't solve anything you know."

"What you want me to say Spencer? That you are right? You are. Do you want to know why I am like this? Because I learned with the hard way to be like this. I never had anyone to care for me. I never had anyone to care. And being with you changed me. You made me have insecurities. I was never insecure with myself. Now you make me feel that I don't worth your time. You are perfect and I am just me."

"How I made you feel unworthy? Tell me. I always make you feel that you are my world. I care about you deeply and do you know what hurts me the most? That you don't really know it. And I can't find other ways to show you. Because I gave you all of myself."

"I didn't ask you to."

"You didn't ask. I wanted to. Because I found the one I wanted to do that. But obviously from all I can see maybe you are right. You don't worth it."

"Guess you are right."

"Guess I am"

"I'll pick my things and go to my house"

"You should"

Are we really breaking up? Am I ready to do this? Am I ready to live without Spencer in my life? Am I so selfish, so stubborn? Maybe, maybe not…

After I came down I took my time to look at her one last time. I know she hurts because I know her. And because I hurt the same. I guess it is my fault and if I can have her back I have to be the perfect person for her..

"Spence..?"

"Yes?"

"It's not a break up"

"What that is?"

"It's a break. We need to think some things out. And I need to think some things out. I love you. I will always love you. And you are the one for me. I just have to be the right one for you."

"Do whatever you like Ash" she called me Ash. I guess that is a good thing. Isn't it?

"Kiss Christine for me and tell her I love her very much."

"You can come to see her if you want. I know she will miss you"

"I'll miss her too. Thank you anyway. And let me say that one last time. I'm so sorry for everything. And I mean it this time. Bye Spence"

"Bye Ash"

I left her and it was like I left my heart inside. I let my tears fall only when I got inside my car. I held the wheel so hard that my hands hurt. Why I always need to fuck up everything? Why when I have something good I need to destroy it? If it is for us to be together I have to be the right person. Without insecurities.

I took one last look at Spencer's house and I just let myself to say "I Love you Spencer Carlin. So very much".

TBC

Drama, drama, drama. I told you. I felt like a drama queen today. Don't be afraid my friends.. Ashley will learn her lesson one and for all. Thank you so much for your reviews! I hope you will still be with me. More chapters to come.. Did I tell you?? I love writing this story..

Reviews are always welcome..

xx