After a while I heard a knock on the door.
"Go away," I muttered, Carmen shoved it open and peered in, nervously.
"Tee?" she said, cautiously. "Look, I know you hate me, but... well, I just wanted to say I'm really sorry about telling Bailey."
"So why did you do it then?" I asked her.
She shook her head. "I don't know; I guess it was hard keeping the secret. You've been off with me all week and then you started demanding me to tell you, and I didn't know what to do. I couldn't tell you, but you'd guessed something was up, and I needed to talk to someone. And then Bailey demanded I told him... I thought I could trust him."
"Yeah, well you were wrong, weren't you," I snapped, not quite ready to forgive her. "And what do you mean I've been off with you? You're the one who completely blanked me the moment I talked to Kazima instead of you. And didn't believe me about the graffiti."
"I know, but I know that wasn't you now. I mean, you got accused of throwing the paint too, and Rosie told me that was Thomas and Matt, not you. But, well, you had started acting weird, and I didn't know what to think."
"I know. I really don't know why I acted the way I did. And I suppose I was quite mean to you too, on Friday." I admitted. Thinking back, I realised there had been plenty of reasons for Carmen to be mad at me.
"Look, can't we just be friends again?" Carmen said. "This is all so stupid, we've both been pretty horrible this week, but we've been friends for years, haven't we?"
"I suppose..." I muttered, still unsure whether to forgive her. She'd told Bailey the secret, and she hadn't been there for me any time, but she was my friend and I did need her. "Fine," I said, reluctantly. I was no good at bearing grudges.
"Yay," smiled Carmen; then her expression changed. "Seriously, though, are you ok? I mean, finding out about your dad and everything."
I thought about it. "I don't know. What I do know is, I really hate Bailey. And why would he tell Thomas Fletcher, of all people?"
"Well, it doesn't seem like him," Carmen agreed. She was still looking at me strangely.
"What?" I demanded.
"I just... did you mean what you said before? about..." she swallowed. "Wishing you were... dead?"
She was giving me that sympathetic look again, and I didn't know what to say. What the answer was. I wished she wouldn't keep looking sorry for me, because it was just making me cry; I couldn't help it.
"I'm not sure, it's just all gone too far, everything. I've been so stupid, trying to prove myself and everything, and than Bailey made me see how I'd lost the plot, so I did something even more stupid. And then I find out that he told Thomas the secret. And then after I found out, I just felt like I'd spent the week trying to prove that I wasn't like my mum, when really I was becoming more and more like my dad. It's just like Thomas Fletcher said."
"No way!" Carmen said firmly. "You're nothing like him! You know, anyone could have done what you did. And the stuff you wrote online, that was Jenny's idea, right?"
"I still went along with it, though. I didn't need to, did I? And, I made the wrong choice. Thomas said if I challenged him he'd turn on everyone from the dumping ground. And he still might; I've seen he doesn't do empty threats."
"Oh, we'll be fine," said Carmen, dismissively. "What's the worst that could happen?"
"Plenty." I sobbed. "And it'll all be my fault. I really am just like my stupid dad. Mike thinks so, Bailey thinks so, Thomas Fletcher does, so does my brother, and everyone in the school... Oh, I didn't used to be," I said as Carmen shook her head again. "I thought I was becoming a better person, or something... so stupid! I shouldn't have done anything, because now I just don't know who the hell I am."
"That doesn't matter!" Carmen argued. "Tee, you can be whatever you want to be."
"Oh, don't make it sound like this is all a fucking soap or something!" I snapped at her. "It's real, and I hate it! I hate it! Everything's just falling apart. How could one stupid decision cause so much trouble?"