Chapter 26: Valhalla
Today is the international Speak like a German - day. In German speaking countries, this day takes the form of Friedrich Nietzsche Tag, or "Friedrich Nietzsche Day." Therefore, chapter 26 is dedicated to everyone who celebrates this day.
-o-
"Der Mensch ist böse" – so sprachen mir zum Troste alle Weisesten. Ach, wenn es heute nur noch wahr ist! Denn das Böse ist des Menschen beste Kraft.
"Der Mensch muss besser und böser werden" – so lehre ich. Das Böseste ist nöthig zu des Übermenschen Bestem.
- Friedrich Nietzsche: Also sprach Zarathustra: Ein Buch für Alle und Keinen
-o-
Had it not been for the threat of Homeworld hanging over Earth, everyone would have been more than happy to see Ruby and Sapphire. It had been quite some time since Garnet had unfused in the presence of the other gems.
Ruby was sitting on the floor, rubbing her head. Sapphire sat on the floor, face buried behind her arms.
Peridot's hubris had all but disappeared. Looking around, she expected to see silent accusations directed at her. Instead, everyone was staring at Ruby and Sapphire. It did little to calm her down, however. "I never meant to... I didn't want to..."
Steven knelt down next to the two small gems. "Garnet! I mean, Ruby? Sapphire? Are you...?"
"We are fine," Sapphire said. She glanced up to see Peridot looking extremely guilty, so she added: "This is not your fault, Peridot. Let's make that clear right now."
"She's right," Ruby agreed. "This is my fault."
It did little to comfort Peridot, who had fallen on her knees. "I did a bad thing," is all she could say.
"Hold it!" Amethyst cried out. "Nobody start blaming anyone or themselves now! Peridot was saying something about Blue Diamond, and we can't just pretend that she and Yellow aren't out there. They freak me out, too, if I really think about them. Which is not often. Look, we know what Blue tried to do. No wonder Garnet unfused, right?"
Ruby and Sapphire had gotten up. "Ruby, I'd like to talk things over," Sapphire said, neither denying or confirming Amethyst's theory. "The sooner, the better. If it's OK with you."
There was something in the way Sapphire said it that made Ruby's eyes water. "Oh, honey, of course. Anything that helps us sort things out."
"I am glad. We have learned something since the last time we unfused in anger, haven't we?"
Anger? Pearl wondered. So, they're angry at Blue Diamond? It makes sense, but did they also argue with each other again? Why?
"Yeah, we sure have. I don't want to waste any time not looking at you!" Ruby said and soon found herself in a tight embrace with Sapphire.
Amethyst saw that despite being unfused, Ruby and Sapphire were still as close to each other than before. It would probably not be an inappropriate moment for an Amethyst-esque comment. "Whoa, there! Get a room, will you?"
"Actually, that's a good idea. Thank you, Amethyst," Sapphire said. "Come on, Ruby. We can open the honeymoon suite room together."
Ruby, despite being red (not a communist, though), turned red. "It's not a honeymoon suite!" she spoke to the others. "It's just a room where me and Sapphy can talk, that's all."
"That's not all," Sapphire objected.
"Wait! How much time do you need? What shall we do in the meantime?" Pearl asked.
"I... I don't know. Strange. Something is interfering with my future vision!" Sapphire tried to concentrate. It was no use. She gave a sigh and continued: "You are our second-in-command, Pearl. You can fight with Peridot about who'll actually take lead. And you must go to the Kindergarten. Hm, these things do not have to be accomplished necessarily in this order."
"The database... The database is still there. And some other machinery," Peridot said, her voice still shaking a bit. "I do need to download some data regarding the cluster. I-I think it will be very helpful."
"Yes. You will also find an increasing number of scientific anomalies there. Rifts in time and space continuum. As my future vision is the way it is, I wouldn't be much help."
"Sapphire, please, try one more time. What do you see?"
"Very well. There! The Kindergarten... I see you firing your spear into the air... I... ahhh!"
"Sapphy? Are you OK?" Ruby asked.
"Yes... I just had a headache. I'm sorry, Pearl. I wish I could tell you more."
"But..."
"But nothing! Sapphire needs to rest," Ruby stated. "Come on, Sapphy."
Ruby and Sapphire walked hand in hand to the gem room door and reached for the buttons, opening a doorway to a room that was slightly different than Garnet's.
"What could I be firing at?" Pearl wondered.
"Flying corruptions?" Steven suggested.
"Dragons? Or maybe something that can climb. It could be a huge monster that can climb the Kindergarten walls," Connie theorized.
"It's possible. We must be prepared for everything. But I think we should follow Ruby and Sapphire's example get a good night's rest, now," Pearl said. "Especially you, children. Besides, if I have to fire my spear, I'd rather do it during daytime when I can see what I'm shooting at. So, we'll deal with whatever it is interfering with Sapphire's future vision tomorrow."
Everyone agreed with Pearl.
-o-
Peridot and Lapis crashed in Amethyst's room that night. The quartz warrior's snoring didn't really bother them as they lay on a huge spare mattress together.
"I think I have done a bad thing," Peridot spoke.
"Peridot, it wasn't your fault that Sapphire and Ruby unfused. Sapphire said so herself," Lapis objected.
"It is, though! But that's not what I meant. I have done a very bad thing, but I can't remember what it was and when I did it. All I know is that it happened long before I joined the Crystal Gems."
"Peridot, you were in Homeworld's service then. What's in the past is in the past."
"But it's driving me crazy, not being able to remember what it was! What if I designed the cluster? What if I shattered Pink Diamond? What if..." What if I attached your gem to that mirror?
"Peri! No more 'what ifs'. You saved the Earth, and we are doing it again. Together. We are the good guys, remember?"
"Maybe. I mean, of course we are, but..." Peridot said, hesitating a little. A necklace made of Blue Diamond's remains. Where did that come from? "But all those things I said... It doesn't sound like something that a good guy or a champion of Earth would say, more like an evil, megalomaniac Green Diamond."
"In that case, I have an evil, megalomaniac Green Diamond for a girlfriend," Lapis said. She hadn't made the decision to stick with Peridot lightly, and she believed in her. She wanted to.
Peridot and Lapis, silently agreeing that they should indeed concentrate on more pleasant things than past wrongdoings, pulled the blanket over themselves so they would be hidden from any curious eyes. Amethyst the loyal and ever alert bodyguard was sleeping like a log on the other side of the room, but it didn't hurt to have a tiny bit of privacy.
...
SOME HOURS LATER...
With one hand around the beautiful Lapis Lazuli who had fallen asleep with a smile on her face, Peridot skillfully took out her iPad and typed an email message with her other hand:
"TO: godemperordolan
FROM: greendiamond
SUBJECT: Winners don't lose frogs
ATTACHMENTS:
Hello, it's me - the Real Green Diamond. Something has come up, and it threatens the campaign, life, the universe and pretty much everything else.
I can't explain the details over email, but we have a huge excavation operation ahead of us. Could you use your connections and contact your acquaintances on the other side of the Big River(TM) to get access to the Misha fleet? I doubt other planeteering tools are adequate for the task ahead. The coordinates are in the attachment PDF file. The rar password is the same we agreed upon earlier.
Sincerely, Pepedot the Great"
-o-
THE NEXT MORNING...
"It's insane," Amethyst said as the Crystal gang - minus Ruby and Sapphire - hiked through the Kindergarten, looking for any signs of anomalies that Sapphire had mentioned. Lapis had taken the point and was acting as the eyes in the sky.
Skinny Jasper was guarding the newly acquired Ruby scout ship, ready to answer any radio sudden inquiries made by loyal Homeworld forces.
Amethyst touched Pearl's arm. "Hey, P, do you agree?"
Pearl was lost in thought. "What? Yes, I agree."
"So, are we really going to mess with the cluster?" the quartz warrior continued. "I mean, the it's safely bubbled. Why risk unbubbling it? It will crack this whole planet wide open!"
"Hey! None of that talk!" Peridot shouted. Even though still shaken by Garnet unfusing, she was quickly recovering, thanks to Lapis Lazuli's administrations during the previous night. At any rate, she had to be strong: there was much was at stake. "Do you have a better plan?"
"Well... no."
Peridot turned to face Pearl. "How about you? You're the smart one. So what would you do?"
Something about Peridot's choice of words or tone of voice made Pearl perform a very specific memory dump. "Well, obviously I need to make Sheena an honorable woman. Amethyst will become an honorable gem. I suppose Garnet can do the honors. I know that marriage is an Earth custom, but I'm sure you have heard the saying 'When in Rome, act like a Roman.' I'm going to need a bridesmaid or two. I was thinking about you and Lapis. How does that sound?"
Peridot's eyes narrowed and her jaw fell open. "That... That is not going to help us deal with the cluster or the Homeworld."
Connie's initial surprise vanished into thin air as her instincts kicked in. "Bridesmaid...? What about me? I'm your student, for Pete's sake!"
"Connie..." Steven began.
"Don't interrupt me! If Pearl is going to marry Amethyst and Sheena, I'm going to be her bridesmaid. Hey, I just had an idea. What if we arrange two separate weddings? No... that wouldn't be right... unless the second wedding begins as soon as the first one ends. But which one shall she marry first? Also: OH, MY GOD! PEARL IS GETTING MARRIED!"
"What do you mean, married?" Pearl asked. "Wait... Oh my stars, what did I just say?! Oh no! I... heh, I was just joking!"
"Huh. I have much to learn about Earth humor, then. Or Pearl humor," Peridot commented dryly.
"Yes, that's right! Besides, I was talking about Sheena. Not Amethyst! And I was joking! Really!"
Even though Amethyst found watching Pearl squirm entertaining, she decided that it would be a good idea to try to steer the conversation back to the original topic. "Um, hey, Peri, can you give us some details of your plan?" she asked. "If you can spare a minute."
"It's simple. We select an extraction point, maybe in a middle of the desert and pull the cluster on the surface. Then, we'll install some crew cabins, thruster jets, FTL drives - we can replicate the technology from the ruby ship - and then use it as a battering ram against the Homeworld. No need for fancy stuff like null beams and such."
"Sounds great, but you can't just treat it like it's a part of a giant spaceship, can you?"
"That's where Steven comes in," Peridot explained. "He will have to convince the cluster to unbubble itself only partially, perhaps gaining a small portion of its intended form in the process. But here comes the best part! If my theory is correct, and if I can find the research data, we can render part of the cluster completely inert. That's where we'll stick the bridge and the captain's chair."
"What happens then?" Pearl asked. "I mean, if your plan works. Are you just going to destroy Homeworld?"
"If that's what it takes. Unless we somehow make friends with the Diamonds. Either way, I can't wait!"
They were still a few minutes away from the Kindergarten laboratory elevator access when they spotted Lapis Lazuli descending towards them.
"Lazuli!" Peridot called out to her. "Did you find anything? Tell us you have some good news!"
Lapis made a perfect landing, but didn't retract her wings. "I'm not sure," she said. "There is something strange ahead of us, but it should be safe to plan our next move in this spot."
Peridot motioned for Steven and Connie to come closer. Once everyone had gathered around, Lapis gave her report: "I saw something strange as I was flying: a pack of seagulls vanished in front of me. It happened on the other side of the Kindergarten. I halted and waited for a minute. Then the gulls appeared out of nowhere, at the same spot they had disappeared. This happened a couple of times, and to me, they looked amused! But the last time they appeared, they looked alarmed and flew away. See that rock formation over there? The anomaly is right above it. I tossed some rocks on the ground, and at least they didn't disappear. It should be safe to go closer if we stick to the ground."
"Good thinking, Lazuli," Connie said. "We should definitely go and investigate this new gull mystery first. The ancient Egyptians believed that animals brought them messages from the Gods. There is wisdom in their thinking."
"Hmm, if we can figure out what scares and amuses gulls, we might be able to achieve a breakthrough in the psychology of all avifauna," Peridot mused. "It would mean that the entire scarecrow army could be honorably discharged."
"Right, let's go with that," Amethyst said, slightly jealous of Peridot's unexpected and completely unintentional sarcastic mumblings. "Even if Homeworld attacks Earth, at least we won't have to worry about seagulls. Yay!"
"Your praise won't work on me, but thanks anyway," Peridot replied. Nobody could quite tell if she was serious, sarcastic or completely absorbed in the mission and barely knew what she was saying.
For several minutes, they walked in the direction that Lapis had shown them. Every now and then they picked up small rocks, throwing them to see if they would disappear or turn into marshmallows. They didn't, much to Amethyst's disappointment. Only once did one rock protest: "Hey! What's the big deal? Can't an honest, hard working rock get any sleep around here?!"
"Sorry!" Steven apologized. "We're just trying to save the planet! I'm really sorry. I didn't know you were sleeping."
"It's OK," the rock said. "I'm tougher than I look. If it's for the good of this planet, go ahead and throw me."
"Uh, thanks, but I think we'll just pick up another rock and leave you here," Steven said.
Finally, they arrived at the rock formation. "Hey, do you guys hear that? It's like a lawn mower or something, but it's kind of distorted sounding..." Steven said.
"It sounds like an aircraft engine!" Connie exclaimed. "I've heard it before, I just know it!"
Pearl looked around, covering the sun with her hand. "Strange. I hear it, too, but there's no sight of..."
Suddenly, another flock of seagulls appeared out of nowhere. "There! Do you see that?" Lapis shouted. The buzzing sound wasn't getting much louder, but it did sound less distorted.
"It must be some kind of tear in the fabric of time-space," Pearl said. "Steven, be ready to summon your bubble. In the meantime, I'll try to get some readings with my tricorder." She summoned a gadget from her gem and pointed it at the invisible portal.
"Tricorder? Are you sure you can call it that?" Steven asked, worried about copyrights. But before Pearl could answer, the strange sound suddenly grew louder, and just as expected (all things considered), an aircraft emerged from the portal.
"Whoa!" Steven exclaimed. "Where on Earth that came from?!"
"I'm not sure yet, but at least it is from Earth. I can see that it's not a Homeworld vessel," Pearl said.
There was a loud boom, and the plane shuddered slightly. The pilot managed to stay in control and began gaining altitude, making circles.
Pearl looked at her tricorder. "Whatever gateway which brought that plane here just collapsed, if these readings are correct. Maybe the mass of the plane caused too much strain on the portal. Well, at least things seem normal for the time being."
The plane leveled off and continued flying straight. Then, for some reason, it went into a shallow dive, turning towards the Earth champions.
"Hey! I recognize that plane!" Steven exclaimed. "See those inverted gull wings? It's a Corsair! They were mostly used in the Pacific Theater in World War 2."
"Haven't they been replaced by now?" Amethyst asked.
"Yeah, but maybe this one is restored. The Flying Heritage Collection has all kinds of old warbirds. Look, it has the landing gear lowered. I think it's going to land."
"Landing gear...? That's not a Corsair!" Connie exclaimed, visibly alarmed.
Pearl reacted immediately. Thinking that they were in danger, she summoned her spear.
"WAIT! Let's just take cover, and..." Connie shouted, but it was too late, as Pearl fired a few blasts at the plane.
The pilot, however, managed to dodge the blasts easily. Instead of running away, the pilot centered his crosshairs on Pearl and pulled the trigger on his control stick.
Instinctively, Steven summoned his shield, encasing himself and Pearl. Bullets bounced harmlessly off. But the pilot kept diving, and to everyone's surprise, he struck Steven and Pearl with the landing gear, sending them rolling away from the rest of the gang. Connie, having taken cover behind a rock, got up ran after them.
The plane started climbing. Apparently the pilot believed that he had succeeded in taking out the ground defenses. But now it was Peridot's turn to shine. She reached out with her metal powers and managed to get a hold of the plane. "Everyone, take cover! I got this!" she shouted.
Inside the bubble, Steven and Pearl had managed to stay conscious. As Steven saw Connie signaling 'the coast is clear', he unsummoned the bubble.
"Steven! Pearl! Are you OK?" Connie shouted.
"We're fine," Pearl assured. "Where's our attacker? I'll..."
"It's OK, Peridot caught that wannabe kamikaze," Connie said. "Look!"
Peridot felt like she had once again saved the day. The plane was held mid air, with its side exposed.
"Steven, look at the rudder, will you? That symbol - do you recognize it?" Connie asked Steven.
"Is it a manji?"
"No, it's a Nazi swastika! Peridot just caught a Junkers 87 dive bomber!" Connie shouted. "I... I never thought I'd live to say something like that."
"It doesn't seem to be carrying bombs," Steven observed.
"True, but it still has the wing mounted machine guns, remember? Stay alert!"
"Lapis, go see that the bubbled ones are OK," Peridot commanded, still holding on to the plane.
"I'm on it," Lapis said and went to check on them.
Peridot's phone rang. It wasn't the best moment for Peridot to answer it, so Amethyst mistakenly reached into Peridot's pants to grab the phone.
"It's in my utility belt," Peridot pointed out, causing Amethyst to experience blushing, i.e. the reddening of a person's face due to psychological reasons.
Having collected herself, Amethyst answered the phone: "Hello, you've reached Peridot Crystal's phone, this is Amethyst speaking..."
"Well hello there!" Donald Trump's voice greeted her. "Ha ha haa! You'll have to excuse me: I'm in a hurry, so I can't talk to you right now. Is miss Peridot available?"
"Ugh... No, she isn't. She's wrangling nazis here at the Kindergarten right now. We're saving the world, you see. Would you like to leave a message?"
"Yeah! Tell her to call me soon. The word on the street is that she'd make an excellent vice president. She was awesome on Loco Coco's show. Makes me jealous, she does! That's all. Bye!" Click.
"Yeah, thanks, bye. Whatever." Amethyst put the phone in Peridot's utility belt pouch. "Geez, some people seem to get their kicks from acting like nothing can surprise them..."
Meanwhile, the Stuka pilot noticed that the engine rpm and indicated airspeed indicators were displaying very, very conflicting values. Without proper airflow into the radiator system, the engine would overheat, so the pilot decreased the throttle.
Peridot thought that he intended to surrender, so she gently started to lower the plane on the ground. She felt that she no longer needed to keep the plane in place with as much Force.
The pilot, however, alarmed by the unusual descent, set the throttle to maximum and managed to break free from Peridot's grip.
As Peridot tried to frantically get a lock on the plane, it aimed its nose at the green gem and started diving again in an apparent strafing run. Peridot made one last attempt to grab the plane, but it was too late. She couldn't outrun bullets and she knew it.
Lowering her arms, she looked at the rest of the gang and spoke: "I was well pleased with the land and the land with me." What a perfect tone of voice I have! A Peridot does not beg for mercy even at the moment of imminent shattering. Better me than Lapis.
But those weren't Peridot's last words, thank the stars. Amethyst tackled Peridot to the ground, covering her while Lapis took off to fight the Stuka. Curiously, the plane didn't fire a single shot. It was as if the pilot was toying with his food - something that wasn't a good idea in combat.
Lapis quickly caught up with the plane and skillfully landed on the wing root. She started hammering on the canopy with the intent of forcing the pilot to surrender.
The pilot slid the canopy open. Laughing fiendishly, he pulled out a flare gun and aimed it slightly above the forehead of his attacker. Lapis saw the pilot utter something, but his voice was drowned out by the roar of the engine. He lifted the flare gun a few inches more and fired.
Peridot watched in horror as a bright red flare knocked Lapis out of the sky - or at least that's how it looked like. The water princess indeed had stumbled backwards and fallen, but the flare had actually missed her. To everyone's relief, Lapis entered controlled flight once again.
"That does it!" Amethyst screamed. She leaped in the air, shapeshifting into a fearsome Roc. "Stand back, Lazuli! Just get the others to safety. Brraaak!"
"Did that monster hurt you?" Peridot asked Lapis as they ran for cover. "I swear, if he cut even one hair from your head..."
"No, he missed. I think he did it on purpose! Homeworld gems would have aimed lower..."
"Hmph. We'll see about that. Amy will bring him down!"
Steven and Pearl had recovered by now, and everyone except Amethyst took cover behind the rock formation. They watched in awe as Amethyst approached the crazed dive bomber.
Having shapeshifted back into her quartz warrior form, Amethyst managed to land on the same spot as Lapis had done earlier. With her hair flowing in the wind, she fired certain nasty expletives at the pilot and signaled him to land the frigging plane or she would turn it into a pile of dust.
The pilot understood enough... or did he? For whatever reason, he nodded in acknowledgment and started guiding the plane down for a landing. The Kindergarten floor wasn't the best possible surface to land, but Peridot assisted him with her powers to prevent the plane from performing a nose over.
As the plane came to a halt, the pilot shut the engine. Amethyst jumped on the ground and saw her friends running towards her. She had earned the right to bask in everyone's admiration, but as the others started to cheer at her, she shushed them, and turned to face the pilot who was already climbing out of the cockpit. He lowered himself carefully on the ground, apparently nursing a leg injury: one of his legs was encased in a plaster cast.
"Donnerwetter! Wo bin Ich? Ist das Valhalla?" the pilot asked, removing his leather helmet.
"Uh... Was?" Amethyst inquired.
"Oh. My. Stars. Amy speaks German!" Steven whispered to Connie.
The pilot looked around, ignoring Amethyst's question. "Ich verstehe; jetzt verstehe Ich! Ich bin gestorben, und jetzt bin Ich in Valhalla!"
"Was sagen Sie? Valhalla?! Nein!" Amethyst shouted. "Warum... uh... Warum denken Sie das?"
"Sind Sie nicht eine Walküre? Deine Haare... Mein Gott im Himmel! Deine Haare sind sehr schön!"
Although most of the crystal gems didn't understand much German, it was clear to them that the pilot had somehow become enamored of Amethyst, who in turn was becoming annoyed. Pearl, having earned her pilot's wings in the Bundeswehr Luftwaffe, understood German perfectly, but had decided to keep it a secret. She made a mental note to give Amethyst a compliment later.
"What's he saying?" Steven asked.
"I, uh... hold on," Amethyst said. She then told the pilot: "Sprechen Sie Englisch, bitte. Meine Freunde hier sind... uh, Amerikaner!"
"Really? Americans... But of course. They can be warriors, too. I will speak English, then. Your word is my law, my beautiful valkyrie," the pilot said.
"Look, I'm not a valkyrie! I'm a quartz warrior! And you better start explaining. Why did you attack us?! Oh, and your pistol - hand it over!"
"Yeah, I demand that you tell us everything!" Peridot chimed in. For some reason, she believed that she should take the role of the head interrogator.
The pilot slowly handed his pistol to Amethyst. "A few moments ago, I saw anti aircraft gun tracers coming at my plane, and... say, where is the gun? I swear I saw the tracers coming from over there."
"It wasn't a gun. It was a spear," Pearl said. "How about you start at the beginning - why are you flying that plane, why does it have weapons, and..."
"And where's the tail gunner?" Connie asked. Of course, she had a good idea of exactly what they were dealing with, but it was better to not lay all the cards on the table just yet. There was a possibility, no matter how small, that the pilot wasn't a human at all, but a Homeworld spy. Should his story have any inconsistencies or errors, they would bubble him.
The German pilot, partially because he still believed that he had died and ended up in the afterlife, saw no problem in answering the questions. He had woken up early, drank some milk and went to receive the first sortie of the day. The top brass had needed a volunteer to investigate a suspected enemy weapon that could make objects vanish without a trace. Retreating troops had witnessed gulls vanish into thin air above them, only to reappear a few minutes later.
"As for the missing tail gunner... I would never ask one of my men to volunteer for this particular mission, so I took my plane and ordered my tail gunner to accompany my wingman instead," the pilot explained. "Their job was to observe my plane from a safe distance. I hope they are unharmed. I would rather not lose another tail gunner. Clearly, me ending up in this place is proof that I made the right decision."
Amethyst couldn't believe her ears. "Hey, uh... What's the current year? Can you answer that?"
"I do not understand why you would ask me that, but I will humor you. It's 1945. I know that it is definitely not 1946 yet! Anyway, the clouds were low, so I decided to use them for cover as I approached the supposed target area. As I exited the clouds, I suddenly saw all this unfamiliar landscape around me. You know the rest; I already told you why I attacked, did I not?"
Lapis eyed the human with suspicion from a distance, ready to use her water powers. Amethyst and Peridot clearly had the situation under control, but better be safe than sorry.
"Be glad that you didn't hit Lapis. Or anyone else," Peridot cut in. Although Peridot understood that Pearl had fired the first shot, the man's smug holier-than-thou attitude and endless self confidence got on her nerves. "What you're looking at right now are Earth's champions. In other words, we are this planet's first and last line of defense against the forces of evil; we are the good guys and we deserve respect!"
"Champions? Maybe you are just that - you have weapons and powers beyond my comprehension," the man said. "But if you really believe what you said about being the 'good' guys, then you have never been in a real war. War isn't just a battle between good and evil - it's about survival. The boxing gloves come off in the frontlines. I suggest you memorize what I just told you, if you want to survive!"
"Grrrhmmm... There is some merit in your thoughts. But answer this question: You had me in your sights, so why didn't you fire? You speak of survival, yet you hesitated. Hesitation can kill you on the battlefield, you know." Peridot beamed with pride: she wouldn't let any human best her in anything resembling a debate.
"I must admit that I don't know. It was most illogical of me. I could claim that I wanted to save ammunition, or that you hadn't fired at me, but the truth is that I think I heard a voice in my head, telling me to stay my hand. Perhaps it was Wotan himself that forbade me from hurting his daughters! I know that I could defeat him if I wanted, but... I think I became curious, and wanted to meet him and his offspring in person."
"Again, we are not daughters of Wotan any more than you are the son of Hades. We are gems," Amethyst said. "And this isn't Valhalla."
"Really? Well, let me ask you: if this isn't Valhalla, then what is this place?"
"This the Kindergarten," Peridot said. "A magnificent place, carved by the hands of Peridots like me. As it is, this valky... um, this quartz warrior here is Amethyst, and she was given life by this place." Peridot then quickly introduced the rest of her troops. "Oh! I forgot: what is your name, rank and unit?"
The pilot lifted his nose slightly. "I am Oberst Hans-Ulrich Rudel, leader of the Schlachtgeschwader 2. Good morning! Nice to meet you!"
-o-
"So, I guess I should apologize," Ruby began.
"I should too," Sapphire said. "I think we both know why we unfused. Why we argued."
"Yes! That... that... Blue Clod!" Ruby shouted. "I refuse to say 'Blue Diamond!'"
"You just did," Sapphire pointed out, knowing that Ruby wouldn't take offense at nitpicking. "I am angry at her, too. Even angrier than you are."
"What? How can you be angrier than me?"
"Because she wanted to harvest you. You would be gone, while I would be spending all my days thinking about you and what could have been. Oh, Ruby, that was awfully selfish of me."
"I don't blame you. If I was harvested, I wouldn't feel anything, but you would feel awful. I get it."
"Thank you for understanding. The more I think about Blue Diamond, the more I want Peridot to shatter her." That was cold, even for Sapphire.
"Sapphire..."
"Please, let me finish. I don't want to be angry. I don't actually want to shatter Blue Diamond. Neither do you, Ruby. For all your anger, you feel sorry for her, too. Just like me."
"No, I don't!" Ruby argued. "Why would I feel sorry for her? Why would you feel sorry for her?!"
"She lost a loved one. We both saw her, remember? She was a shadow of her former self, unable to get over the loss of Pink Diamond. Still, for a second, I considered hurting her when Peridot was explaining her plan. I... We could have revenge. But she is already hurting. It feels like I'm about to unfuse into two sapphires. I think this is one reason why we unfused."
If Ruby felt any sympathy towards Blue Diamond, she didn't show it. But Sapphire had a point. Blue Diamond had suffered the fate that would have befallen Sapphire had Ruby been harvested. In fact, the Diamond's fate was much worse - she had been very, very close to Pink Diamond, while Ruby and Sapphire had barely known each other.
"Hm. You said 'one reason'. I suppose you mean..."
"Yes, I do."
"There is something..." Ruby said hesitantly. Sapphire listened quietly, waiting for Ruby to continue. "The last time we saw Blue... Diamond, I was scared. I'm supposed to be a soldier! I shouldn't be afraid of anything!"
"I know how you feel. I was scared too. I even felt shame because of that. But it's easy to forget that everyone gets scared sometimes. Even the Diamonds," Sapphire reminded Ruby.
"Hmph! But I don't want to be scared! We almost failed because of me! We let Greg be captured. I feel like we let him and Steven down." Ruby let hear head sink. The floor pattern offered no comfort to her.
"We didn't let anyone down!" Sapphire objected, lifting Ruby's head so that their eyes met. "We were successful in our mission. We rescued both Greg and Steven from right under the Diamonds' noses! Also, we gained valuable allies at the Zoo. You were awesome, as Amethyst would put it. Just like me."
"Do you really think so?"
"Of course. Not only did we beat the Diamonds, but we also overcame our fear of them. That's what real bravery is."
"Well, if you put it that way..."
"I do. Not that I would object to beating some sense into the Diamonds," Sapphire admitted. "Maybe we will have to do just that the next time we encounter them."
Ruby stepped a few inches closer to Sapphire. "The next time... I guess there's no avoiding that, is there?"
"I'm afraid so. But I predict that when that happens, we will be together. As Garnet."
Ruby's eyes opened wide open. "You... predict? Did you just use your future vision?"
"Oh my stars, Ruby! You're right!" Sapphire exclaimed. "The interference... It's gone!"
"Go on, use your future vision! Quick! We don't know when the interference thing comes back!" Ruby urged her companion.
"OK! OK!" Sapphire concentrated... and then she suddenly smiled. "I predict that we are going to fuse after this conversation is over. Anything else on your mind?"
"There is," Ruby admitted. "I made a Facebook account without telling you."
"I already know that... but thank you for your honesty. Really, what you do in your free time is your business. Just be careful what you post online, OK?"
"I will," Ruby said, relieved. "Um, I think that's all for now... oh! We could set up a joint account! You know, if you want to."
"I'd like that. We can get banned together! It'll be fun. But first, let's create a joint fusion. Are you ready?"
Ruby was more than ready, and so was Sapphire.
-o-
Connie whispered something to Amethyst, whose eyes moved from side to side as she struggled to understand the implications of a world war two era dive bomber appearing literally out of thin air. The fact that the pilot was a human, claiming to be the notorious Hans-Ulrich Rudel, made the situation that much harder to digest.
"Soooo... A rift between time and space opened between present day Kindergarten and World War two era Germany. Makes sense. Makes perfect sense! Pearl? Peridot?" Maybe the two nerds would reveal the obvious hoax. If it was a hoax...
"I'm afraid that it's possible," Pearl said, studying her tricorder. "Although we don't know why, the readings I got have much in common to what I've witnessed when Lion teleports around."
"I concur," Peridot said. She had always wanted to use the phrase 'I concur.'
I want to turn around get out of this galaxy. I want jello. I want to wake up, Amethyst thought.
"Ladies, young sir, meine Schöne Walküre, I have told you my story, and I now request that you answer a few more of my questions," Rudel said.
"Oh, the human is talking. Fine, ask away," Peridot said.
"Thank you. I hope you don't mind if I direct my questions to the warrior," Rudel said, nodding in Amethyst's direction.
Peridot, not recognizing the bait as bait, bit right into it and became angry. "What...? But I am a warrior, too! Are you implying that I'm not?!"
"Yes. You remind me of a leprechaun instead."
"Well you're wrong! I'm just as much a warrior as Amethyst."
I should always keep some popcorn with me when I'm around Peridot, Amethyst thought.
"Really? Then answer me this: what is the first casualty of war?"
Peridot bit her teeth together, faking a smile. "That's easy!" she eventually said. "That's such an easy question that even these civilians know the answer. Um, guys?"
"Wait, lemme answer this one," Amethyst cut in. "The answer is full stomach, unless you enjoy horse meat with bread made of tree bark and some long pig!"
"That is not the answer I expected, but an insightful one nevertheless," Rudel said. "I now believe that you have fought in the Soviet ranks."
"That I did."
Pearl cleared her throat. "I, Pearl, a civilian, know the real answer," she bragged. "I once had a talk about this subject with Garnet. She said that the answer was 'future.' While she's not entirely wrong, the first casualty of war is actually beauty. There is nothing beautiful in war." Although Rose was beautiful...
"Isn't the answer truth?" Connie suggested. "Even Sun Tzu wrote that all warfare is based on deceit. Also, lies are often used as an excuse for the declaration of war, and history written by the victors may not be the whole truth. There! Hey, Lapis, do you have an answer?"
"Order, sanity and freedom, in that order," Lapis said. "Although that's three. Oh, well. Steven, you look like you're in deep thought. What do you think?"
Steven looked at Lapis. He then let his gaze meet everyone who was present. After a dramatic pause, he said: "The first casualty of war is INNOCENCE."
There was another dramatic pause which served to confirm that everyone agreed with Steven, for he was goddamn right. Nobody remembered to ask if Peridot had anything to add, but she didn't mind.
"If you have any more questions, we'll try to answer them," Steven said.
"Very well," Rudel said. "What is this Kindergarten to be exact? Where is it located? What year is it? You have implied that I have somehow traveled through time, so... Does Germany still exist? And what is the world like - have there been many changes since 1945?"
"Detailed information regarding Kindergarten is classified - all you need to know is what you've been already told. We are on American soil now. The year is 2016. As for Germany, I can definitely say that I don't know much about it yet. Note to self: learn something about Germany."
"Germany does exist," Amethyst said. "But we don't go there anymore. Silent moment, everyone."
Much to Rudel's puzzlement and worry, everyone cast their heads down and began a silent moment.
"What do you..." Rudel began.
"Shhh! We're holding a silent moment now, so be quiet!" Amethyst snapped.
They were silent for two minutes, after which Amethyst cleared her throat. "Now, where were we?"
Rudel wanted to know why the strange folk didn't want to go to Germany any more, so he asked: "You do not go to Germany any more. Why is that?"
Nobody wanted to answer. Pearl, after hesitating, decided to answer. "Because... the last time we were there, people harassed me. Things got... physical."
"What are you saying? I take it was during peacetime, so why would they..."
"Because of my color, that's why."
Rudel shook his head. Obviously Pearl was speaking nonsense. Why would Germans harass a gem like her? It made no sense.
"Now, let me tell more about the wonders of the modern world," Amethyst spoke. "If you want to find all the knowledge in the world, you can visit the Wikiperipheria. Too bad it's also a simulation of a bureaucratic 'democracy' that is caught in a petty ideological civil war over the most trivial issues, such as what kind of image to use in a frigging article about cats.
The Second World War has ended, but while we're waiting for the Third, we have several smaller conflicts around the world. Lots of work for mercenaries! For example, Skorzeny never went unemployed - maybe you know him? What's better, the threat of Homeworld invasion is hanging over us like the sword of Damocles. Even though our Pearl here put it in her closet - she collects swords.
And last, but not least: Adolf Hitler, your leader - he's dead, by the way - would have loved 2016. You see, we've got this thing called DeviantArt! It's like an online art museum. No matter how crappy artist you are, you'll always get like 8001 followers, especially if you paint artistic nudes. Feel homesick yet?"
"Adolf? More than eight thousand? Черт! This is a strange sensation. I'm on the ground, but my head is spinning!" Rudel lamented. "It's as if I was taking my first flight while drunk on goat milk. You... you speak like a jester instead of a valkyrie or a warrior, yet I sense no fundamental deceit in your words. Could you be an avatar of Loki?"
"I don't think so. But maybe," Amethyst said. "Anything is possible on this planet. Hey, want to hear a joke?"
"It can't hurt," Rudel said, despite noticing Amethyst's fiendish grin.
I'm sure it can't, Amethyst thought. "Ok, ok! Ahem, listen carefully. Are you ready? Oh, guys, you might want to plug your ears... That's good. Here it goes: Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!"
Rudel stood silent, completely dumbstruck. At length, he spoke: "Rats. Now, don't misunderstand me - that was a clever joke. Normally I would have laughed myself to death, but I seem to have temporarily lost that ability."
"Why? Is it a war injury that's bugging you?"
"It's not that."
"Well what is it, then? I just told you the funniest joke in the world!"
Peridot had actually listened to the joke. I don't get it, she thought, but she did fake a smile, not wanting to question Amethyst's comedic genius.
Rudel looked Amethyst straight in the eyes. "Didn't we already establish that you have fought in the war?"
Amethyst nodded.
"Then you understand," Rudel stated.
There was another silent moment. This time, it was spontaneous. After the moment had passed, Pearl tried to lighten the mood: "Amethyst, I have to admit that I had no idea you knew so much about Earth, its history and culture!"
"Well, I gotta do something else besides eat all the time, so I listen to people when I'm eating. You know, smart people like you." Amethyst emphasized her reply with a wink.
Pearl almost blushed but managed to control herself, worrying that Peridot might start gossiping if she realized what was up. However, Peridot was occupied deep in thought and was in no mood for observing any Camp Pining Hearts-esque drama.
"THE CLUSTER!" the green gem shouted suddenly. "Sorry for interrupting, but I just came up with a theory! It's the cluster - it's confused and agitated, so it has been opening random time/space portals around the world. That's what's happened here just now!"
"That would explain why Garnet was having trouble with her future vision," Pearl said.
"Yeah. We didn't arrive a day too soon. Steven, you and I should go and get the drill. We must pacify the cluster. As far as we know, you are the only one who could communicate with it."
"I think we'd better hurry, then. Let's go!" Steven exclaimed. Together with Peridot, he started galloping towards the warp pad.
"Oh, and Pearl, you're in command. You and Amethyst guard our guest," Peridot called from over her shoulder.
Pearl and Amethyst fixed their eyes on a worried Rudel.
"So, am I your prisoner of war, now?" the German asked.
Pearl considered the situation. "Technically no, as there's no war anymore, but as you're trespassing without a visa or a green card, I guess that makes you an illegal immigrant. So, we have to keep under our watchful eyes as a... What's the term, again?"
"A detainee?" Connie suggested.
"Yes, as a detainee. Given the temporal risks, detaining you is for the best course of action until we know what to do with you."
"You could just let me go," Rudel suggested. "I am confident that I can locate the gateway back."
"Well, in order to keep the timelines as normal as possible, that would be a good idea. Unfortunately, the gateway collapsed shortly after your plane emerged from it," Pearl pointed out.
"So, I am a Robinson Crusoe, then, so far away from home..." Rudel said, kicking a rock on a whim. A jolt of pain struck him above the knee, almost causing him to fall. "Verdammt! Scheisse..."
"Watch your language, you brute!" Pearl snapped. "No swearing in the presence of minors."
"Pearl, it's ok," Connie told her mentor. "I know what Scheisse means. It's German for..."
"Don't say it!"
Connie rolled her eyes. They were about to go to a war against Homeworld, and swearing was suddenly bad now? Geez. She motioned for Pearl lower her head so she could receive a whisper.
As Pearl listened to Connie, her expression softened a few degrees. Grudgingly, she addressed Rudel: "Hey, mr. human pilot... Is it true about your other leg, the one without the cast, that it's a...?"
"It is. You can see it for yourself," Rudel said and pulled at the remaining trouser leg of his flying suit to reveal a wooden prosthetic leg. "At least I can knock on wood wherever I go, ha, ha, ha!"
"I'm sorry that I called you a brute." Under her breath, she added: "I should have merely told you to be silent..."
"It's ok. 'Brute' is a fitting term," Rudel said, dusting his leather helmet. "Besides, I just got my laughter back. Did you notice? I apologize in turn for swearing; the circumstances are such that I forgot that one of my legs has long since gone home."
-o-
Meanwhile, Steven and Peridot had really rolled up their sleeves. Instead of reminiscing about the good old days (when the cluster was about to destroy the world - so much fun!), they had already fired up the gem drill.
They quickly located the old tunnel they had sealed. Breaking through the seal took some time, as they had built it to last for safety reasons. After that, however, the drill descended at a rapid rate, occasionally braking in order to avoid diving uncontrollably.
The last time Peridot and Steven had taken the trip downstairs, it had been Steven who had reacted to the mental presence of the cluster. This time, however, Peridot was having a much stronger reaction to the cluster and the overall situation than Steven.
"We... remember... you... about... time..."
"Did you hear that, Steven? The cluster is calling to you!" Peridot exclaimed.
"Peridot... please don't freak out now, but I didn't hear anything!"
Peridot almost did freak out, but Steven took her hand in his. With Steven's help, she managed to keep calm, carry on and dig for victory.
-o-
"The airfield is below us. I see it with new eyes; it has a more homelike appearance than usual. There my Ju can have a good rest; there are my comrades, the familiar faces. Somewhere down there hangs my tunic and in one of the pockets the last letter received from home. What was it my mother wrote? A chap ought to read his mother's letters through more carefully!"
- Hans-Ulrich Rudel, The Stuka Pilot
-o-
Kommentarspur: The term Kindergarten originates from German language, literally meaning 'children's garden.' (note: write something clever here) Meow meow meow (Just like that!)
In the next chapter, ... Well, it's not like Mr Rogers is going to spawn out of thin air, but some stuff happens. Bis später, Hunde!