I don't even know if I have readers left but I hope I do because we're in the homestretch. I was able to go home for the holidays meaning I didn't have much time to write. This one also threw me for a bit of a loop. I'm still not 100% happy with it but maybe you will be. Let me know what you think!

Charlie's eyes fluttered open. The morning was so eerily quiet she almost forgot just how raucous the camp had been the night before. Of course all of that noise was hushed when she wordlessly prepositioned Ben but nevertheless Charlie welcomed the dawn's serenity, pleasantly surprised by how palpable such a stressless dawn could be. It was almost as if the sun had banished all of the boyish laughter and manhood arrogance, replacing it with such an unwavering calm that Charlie had to smirk, wondering if she was still lost in the previous night's dreamlike state.

Though the tent she slept beneath shielded her from the day Charlie still felt the need to giggle into the back of her palm, covering her eyes as she remembered all she and Ben had shared mere hours ago. Goosebumps marked her already freckled complexion, her mind dizzy by the mere memory of his lips on all of her exposed skin. She had never felt more secure than she had when Ben held her; the way his strong arms were capable of such a gentle embrace was overwhelming at best. It nearly brought tears to her eyes and she almost cried them too, caused not by sadness but by the strain of her cheeks pulled upward in a bright smile.

She loved Ben and even without his mutual declaration she felt, over and over again, just how much he loved her too. Charlie felt silly in a way, looking back and wondering how his lack of words could ever upset her. If anything she should have been upset with herself. Though he'd taken months to open up to her Charlie now felt as if she knew him better than anyone had before; with that true, she should have expected this from him. Ben thrived on action, constantly taking the plans he often refused to share and putting them in motion before anyone else's opinion could affect their outcome. Loving her, Charlie assumed, was no different. She wouldn't feel his adoration in lovely poetic lines but instead in the way she had beneath the moonlight, his grip strong on the curve of her hips as he settled further into her. Someday, she imagined, he'd finally give her the very thing she wanted: a proud and public admission of the feelings she already knew to be true. She knew this because she had given him the very thing he wanted: her, all of her naked and willing, in promise of a future. I love you existed in many forms and for Charlie listening for it meant accepting Ben's silence.

Charlie's realization kept her from rolling over, wishing to touch Ben once more. He hadn't sought her out in his sleep and she certainly hadn't been brave enough to act either but now the craving Charlie was currently experiencing gave her an inexplicable courage. Her middle twisted, allowing her hand to gingerly reach behind her and feel out for Ben. The smile she wore almost brightened, peaking to maximum width just before it fell completely, vanishing from her features in the time it took for her to blink.

The emotion that painted her face in exuberance was replaced by shock. Charlie's breath hitched as she shifted to sit up. Only when her eyes could confirm the empty space beside her did she exhale, wondering how such a small expanse of linen had grown so cold so quickly. That same disbelief caused her gaze to be lost on the far tent wall where she continued to open and close her eyes, taking snapshots of the loneliness as the acknowledgement of her naivety settled in. The war, she immediately remembered, existed just outside whether she heard it or not and it had her bed — Ben's bed, really — feeling vacant even with her sitting atop it. Soon Charlie felt unwelcome too, almost as if Ben were actually there to ask her to leave. She felt foolish as all her insecurities rushed back. She was as daft to believe those vulnerabilities had vanished as she apparently was to think their intimacy meant enough to Ben to keep him beside her well into the morning.

Charlie's face was flushed, feeling prickly and warm. Now when she covered her eyes she did so out of embarrassment. Eventually she did drop her hands, doing so the way a child would after protecting themselves from a scare. There was hesitance but also that telltale uneasiness that always accompanied what felt like a false sense of security. Ben's I love you may have resonated out of the pads of his calloused fingertips or in the pause he took when he pressed his mouth to her skin but his current absence had Charlie confronting an unpleasant truth: it's difficult to tell someone you love them, in any form, when you fail to exist at all.

~!~

Ben huffed, forcing his arm into the sleeve of his coat as he trudged quickly up the hill out of camp. He hadn't expected to sleep tonight but he also hadn't expected Charlie to enter his tent and make love to him. At least, that's what he hoped it was: love.

Ben had wanted Charlie in a way he'd never wanted anything else in his life but that didn't keep his touch from trembling against her spine or his eyes from closing when her heels wrapped around his waist and demanded more. He could have made a better effort to please her and he certainly should have acted on his urge to take things slow. Or, perhaps, Ben should have stopped her altogether. It was this thought that had him irritated, so angry that he couldn't hide his anger as he approached Caleb.

"What took ya so long?" Caleb called out, dramatically raising his arms in the air.

"Me? I was looking for your sorry arse!" Ben tossed back, lying.

"I told you I'd meet ya here, din't I?"

Ben shook his head. "Whatever."

Although he wore a sour face Ben had to be thankful to his friend for saddling his horse in his absence. He'd have been even later if he had to perform the task himself but he still did not extend his gratitude. Ben honestly wanted to be done with the conversation, partially because he knew he was taking his confusion out on his undeserving best friend. It was for this same reason that once Ben mounted his horse he ushered the mare into a gallop.

Caleb had barely moved, making his task of riding alongside his best friend to be a difficult one. For nearly a mile he was forced to follow the gold lapels on Ben's jacket as they jumped up and down upon his shoulders. They were supposed to be delivering a group of well organized militia and newly provided provisions to an awaiting French ship but Ben's mood had both of them forgetting they'd been surrounded by soldiers during the entire duration of their interaction.

Ben's posture on his horse was stiff, leaving his eyes pointed straight ahead. His goal was to focus on the path he was forging and not on the girl he'd left behind, something he now regretted as the moon began its descent in the sky. Like his mare, Ben's frustration had him ignorant to his peripheral, not even minding Caleb as he tried to catch up.

Ayy! Tallboy!" Caleb finally managed. He was moving so quickly he had to pull back on his horse's reins once he fell in stride with Ben. "Slow down, would ya?"

"I'm…" Ben blinked, bringing himself back to the present. "What?"

Caleb leaned forward to get a better picture of his best friend. "You alright?"

"What? Yeah, of course," he laughed off.

Caleb nodded slowly. "You and Charlie have it out?"

"What? No."

"Because Annie said—"

"She really needs to learn to keep her mouth shut," Ben admitted honestly. He had a way of insulting others that somehow made it sound like less of a threat than it was. This war had honed that skill, one all of his friends assumed he had learned while at Yale. He was less bold in his youth, so much so that even he wondered if his teenage self would recognize the man he was today.

Caleb cackled. "She actually didn't tell me anything but your reaction did. What'd you do now?"

Ben finally looked to him. "I just told you, Caleb. Nothing. I didn't do anything."

"No? You're just naturally pouty this morning?"

"I'm not…" He gave a heavy sigh. "I'm not pouting, Caleb," he huffed.

"Seems like you're pouting. What did she do then?"

"She didn't do anything," Ben said, shaking his head. "She never does anything. She's...she's fine."

"Aye, she is…"

Ben gave a chuckle. "Watch it."

Caleb smiled and Ben had to join him. As Caleb's cheeks fell, he continued. "You know, Ben, you may not talk to me anymore and I think you're a right arse sometimes but you're still my best friend and even when I want to kick your teeth in I can still tell when you're not all there." Ben said nothing so Caleb leaned forward once more as if he'd be able to decipher his distraction from the lines on his face. "Ben?"

He slowly turned to look at Caleb. "You don't think we talk anymore?" Ben was genuinely surprised.

"I don't think. I know."

Ben nodded. After another pause he turned back to Caleb. "I'm...I'm sorry, Caleb. I didn't—"

Caleb shrugged. "S'alright, really. If I had to lose you I'm glad I've lost you to Charlie. Better her than this goddamn war." It was his turn to pause. "Can you believe our sorry arses have made it this long? I mean really? After all we've been through?"

Ben forced a laugh. "No, I honestly can't. I surely thought I would have killed you by now."

Caleb dropped his head back, laughing rather loudly. "Ain't that the truth."

The pair moved to a trot. The sun would be up soon and they had barely an hour to transfer the men and the supplies they carried to the docked ship. Thankfully Ben had briefed these soldiers the day before so when they arrived to the water's edge everyone moved quickly, doing just what they'd been instructed to. Every movement was executed so effortlessly that Ben and Caleb were afforded the time to simply stand by and supervise. They originally thought they'd be spending this time shouting commands but instead they observed in silence, until Ben finally interrupted.

"I slept with Charlie."

Caleb nearly choked on his rum. "What?"

"I—"

Caleb stuffed his canteen in his bag so he could clap at Ben's back. "Holy feck! Finally!"

"Caleb, don't…"

"Don't what? It's about time, right?"

"I...sure," Ben conceded, still rolling his eyes. "Whatever."

"Whatever?" Caleb balked. "You bed a lass like Charlie and that's your response?"

"I just mean…" His voice was loud but as it trailed off Ben nearly laughed. "I don't know what I mean," he settled.

"God, that body…"

"Caleb! Fuck…"

"I'm sorry but...it was good, yeah?"

Ben smirked. "Better than good."

"I've been waiting years for this! You lucky fuckin' bastard!"

"Can you please keep your voice down?"

Caleb casually turned his head to look at Ben. "Is she as feisty as I imagine? She's probably a handful, yeah?"

"I'm not…" Ben exhaled. "I'm not answering that."

"What? C'mon!" Ben went silent, causing Caleb's features to turn stoic. "What the fuck did you do?"

Ben's brow furrowed. "What?"

"You. You fucked something up. That's why you're quiet," he observed. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, Caleb."

"Well now you're just lying," he dismissed. Caleb was unsure of whether he was amused or irritated. He was serious again. "She...she wanted to, right? You didn't—"

"Christ, Caleb!" Ben yelled. "She came to me, alright? I didn't...I would never! Fuck!"

"Well I'd hope not but your dumb face looks smugger than shite and I'm trying to figure out why that is."

Ben's chest deflated in defeat. "I...I guess I didn't think it would happen this way. Not during all this."

"Not romantic enough for ya?" Caleb teased. When Ben said nothing, Caleb laughed. "Fuck, you're an odd one."

"I just...I haven't been great to her and—"

"That bad?"

"What?"

"You're just new to it. You have to practice—"

"Caleb!" Ben admonished once more. "I'm not talking about in the sack, alright?"

"What are you on about then? She gave you a touzle, Tallboy. You couldn't have been that awful to her or I imagine she wouldn't have allowed that."

"I can't explain it, I just...Charlie deserves better. I mean that."

Caleb gave a crooked smile as a show of sympathy. "Michael got into your head, din'he?"

"No…"

"I'll remind you that the lad left his sister behind. And a lot can change in two years. He may not be the authority you think he is."

"Well as a man I have to respect him."

"Why?" Caleb squawked. "He hasn't made much of an effort to respect you."

"I don't know if I blame him. If I was him I'd probably hate me too."

"Well if I were you I'd hate him. I think I do hate him," he reasoned.

"What?"

"He left Charlie and then yelled at her for doing what he did. He's a hypocrite. And a shite brother. It's clear the girl is happy. Let her be."

"Caleb, she did all of this to find him."

"Yes and she found him and she's still chosen you, you lucky fucking bastard." Ben's mood was still somber, practically urging Caleb to take the next step. "You know, why can't you ever be happy for yourself?"

"I'm...it's not that."

"No? You're sulking a hell of a lot for a man that got his kicks from a girl he loves."

"I...I do love her." Ben was surprised to hear his honesty. He'd felt this way for a very long time, likely before they ventured to Setauket, but the words came so easily to his friend and his tongue tasted bitter upon realizing how freeing it felt to admit such a thing. Why hadn't he told Charlie this long ago? Then again, Ben thought he had, hoping Charlie finally understood his heart last night as he moved against her.

"Ben?" Caleb tried. When Ben realized he had spaced out he turned back, trying to regain his mental footing. Caleb smirked. "Then?"

"She doesn't know that. I...I didn't tell her. I couldn't tell her."

"She let you stick your prick in her, Ben. I think she knows."

"Fuck, Caleb! Enough, alright?"

He rolled his eyes. "Why does everything have to be so planned with you? You're thinking too much."

"I didn't do any thinking last night," Ben groaned.

"And it got you a shag. Pity for that, Tallboy."

"It wasn't...she's more than a shag, Caleb, and you know that."

"Alright then," he accepted with a shrug. "Tell her."

"Tell her?" Ben swallowed.

"Yeah. If we can leave the city tonight. When we get back to camp. Tell her."

"But—"

"No. No buts. Just feckin' tell her and be done with it."

~!~

When Charlie entered the tent she shared with Anna the brunette gave her an icy glare, likely surprised to see her but also mildly curious about her whereabouts. Anna was pacing and had been moving in repetitive zig zags between each corner of the tent for quite some time now and she continued this behavior even in Charlie's presence. As Anna bit at the nail on her thumb she side eyed Charlie, observing how she dropped her cloak, revealing nothing but a shift. Out of respect Anna had to look away but as she trained her eyes on the tents flap she could still hear Charlie's rustling as she slipped into her gown. The pins on the front allowed Charlie to dress independently and as she smoothed down the chest of her frock she stepped into Anna, almost breathless.

"Where is…" Her hurt heart half expected to see Ben in here. She wanted to feel ridiculous for reacting to his absence in the way she had instead of feeling ridiculous as she did now, allowing her mind to hope for the improbable.

Anna dropped her hands. "They're surrendering," she admitted. The declaration fell from her tongue with haste, coming out of her mouth like a secret she'd been tasked to keep for an uneasy length of time.

Charlie blinked, her face blank. "What?"

"I'm waiting on word but the redcoats...it's over. They're surrendering. We've...well I think we've won," Anna laughed out. It seemed she was experiencing as much disbelief as her friend.

Charlie was still shocked and because of that ignorant to the tears that formed in the corners of her eyes. She was happy, surely, but devastated too and wondering how that could be. Annoyed with her feelings, Charlie pulled Anna in for a tight hug. It allowed her to press her eyes shut and allow some sadness to paint her cheeks without scrutiny. All the while she wore a smile, hoping that such a thing would somehow mask her current pain. Charlie had been removed from her previous life and she wished for it to remain that way but she was relieved to realize how easy it was for her to fall back into all the pretending.

Anna must have saw her friends tears because she stepped forward in concern. "Charlie? You okay?"

"What? Yes, of course," she dismissed. She gave a small laugh as she pushed the dampness off her freckled complexion.

The force at which her hands pressed beneath her eyes revealed an anger Anna couldn't quite place. "Charlie…"

She couldn't prod further because behind them the flap to the tent was pushed open and Charlie countered the visitors actions so quickly Anna only saw the girl in a flash, now shifting to get a better view of the man standing at the door.

It was Michael and the realization had her heart dropping deep in her chest, pushing against lungs that begged for an immediate release from behind her ribcage. Somehow she was incredibly disappointed to see the same person she'd originally sought out through all of this.

Her brother's silence had Charlie pushed closer to her emotional edge. "What's wrong? Is he okay? Michael?"

"It's not...Ben's fine," Michael dismissed, almost miffed at her question. He wasn't sure how his sister could ask such a thing especially as his news weighed so heavily upon him. "They've surrendered."

Charlie perked up, acting again. "I know! That's great! Right?" Her voice dropped but she smiled all the same, needing to believe her words. "Right?"

Michael's gaze upon her was unnerving. "Father's dead, Charlie."

Thanks so much for reading!

x. Elle