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Chapter 26 – Eleanor Rigby

Theo looked down at Hermione as Blaise ended his silly story about teenage vampires and werewolves (which sounded like something a teenage Muggle would write) and he wondered why everyone thought they could keep something as important as Hermione Granger's curse from him. Did they think he was so fragile that he couldn't handle the truth? The rest of them knew, (even though she didn't know that) but his friends were keeping the truth from him. He didn't like that. Not at all.

He dropped Hermione's hand, stroked her hair and closed his eyes for a moment. His friends thought he was weak. That's what it was. That's why they didn't tell him. It was because of what happened to him after Astoria died. They were protecting him. Or else they didn't trust him. One or the other.

Which wasn't fair. He wasn't the same person that he was back then. Just because he almost killed himself after Astoria died didn't mean he would do the same thing again. For one thing, Hermione wasn't the same person as Astoria. And her situation wasn't the same. For another thing, she didn't have a choice in this matter. She didn't want to die and Astoria did. According to Adrian, he had sent her on a mission, and now she was cursed to die by her birthday. Henceforth it wasn't anyone's fault. It was merely happenstance.

Unlike Astoria Greengrass. Astoria killed herself. And unlike Hermione's situation, where it wasn't anyone's fault – there was blatant culpability with Astoria's death. Yes, it was Theo's fault. If Theo had merely loved her more, taken better care of her, been a better person, or at the very least, gone to her at the end when she needed him the most, she would still be here.

Moreover, really, just because he became a bit unhinged after Astoria killed herself didn't mean he couldn't handle the truth of what was going down with Granger. For one thing, he didn't believe she was going to die. There had to be an anti-curse out there somewhere. Either Potter or Weasley would find it, or Adrian would.

Adrian. He was the only one who had faith in him. He explained everything about her curse to him just tonight, right before they left to come here. It was a shock, and he didn't have time to process it all or react clearly. If he had had the time, he might have cried, or something such shite.

Wait. No, he wouldn't. He forgot. He didn't do things like that any longer. He didn't cry. He didn't feel. Things were the same as they were when he was younger. Back then, he wasn't allowed to show his emotions and that was best, for showing emotions was what caused all the problems with Astoria.

But no. It wasn't. It wasn't what caused the problems with Astoria, and it wasn't for the best, because he still might cry for Hermione. He might cry this very moment. He found his breathing coming out in quick breaths, one after another. Dropping his hand from Hermione's head, he said, "Excuse me," and he lifted her head away from his thigh, stood, and walked away from the circle of friends.

NO! He wouldn't cry. Crying was for weaklings, and he wasn't weak! He hated that he couldn't contain his emotions. Containing his emotions was what he was taught to do. It was the one thing he and Malfoy had in common while growing up, although Draco at least had a mother who loved him. Hell, even Lucius loved him.

No one loved Theo while growing up. His mother and father merely tolerated him while he grew up. He was taught to be quiet and respectful. To be seen and not heard. Never to show sentiment, passion, fear or love. Now it was hard to show any feelings, right or wrong. He hated 'feeling' things, and he hated remembering how things felt, such as how he felt the day Astoria died.

Mostly he hated to think about how he was going to feel when Hermione Granger died, but that day was going to come, and he was going to handle it fine. He was. He would merely keep his feelings in check. He would keep them tightly inside, tied up in his heart, with an invisible cord, and then when she died he would refuse to feel anything. That way, he wouldn't cause his friends anguish the way he did the last time.

The last time…

Fuck. His entire body was clenching and he felt lightheaded. He was going to die when Hermione Granger died. Perhaps literally. He just knew it. He'd been in love with her long before she'd come to live with them, and he hadn't told a soul, and now it was too late. It was the same with Astoria, and he hardly felt a tenth for her what he felt for Hermione Granger.

What he felt for Astoria was distant, passionless, one-sided, awkward and sometimes painful. What he felt for Hermione was full of enthusiasm and sweet zeal, a new bright awakening, a need, a hunger, a thirst and a want.

Although, he was enamored with Astoria for as long as he could remember…all through school, all the while she was besotted (and betrothed) to Draco, and when he finally told her he loved her, and she declared her love in return, he was crushed to find out that she was merely playing a part. She lied. She wanted Draco Malfoy to notice her, become jealous.

Being the sick, pathetic fuck that he was, Theo still assumed he loved her even after she killed herself, although she did it in his own back garden. She blamed HIM for her death in her suicide note…blamed HIM for the fact that Draco didn't love her. Hell, he didn't need a bloody suicide note to point out his shortcomings…he lived with them every single day of his life.

Not that any of that mattered now. Sitting on a low gravestone, he began to rock back and forth. He didn't want to love her - Astoria, but he did, and his love killed her, which ultimately almost killed himself. He ignored that last haunting feeling that she needed him because the Vipers wouldn't leave his side - told him to ignore her games - that their relationship was over…through. While he was busy ignoring her, she was busy hanging herself from a low-lying branch while standing on a stone bench in his back garden.

Now he loved Hermione, she was dying, and he felt so lost and confused. He wanted his feelings to go away. He wanted to ignore this hurt in the center of his chest, but the more he tried to ignore it, the more intense the pain became. The harder he tried to force his feelings away, the harder they tried to climb to the surface. He tried with all his might to force all feelings back inside that invisible armor around his heart, but somehow certain sensations like empathy…want…need…would seep through. Why wouldn't they go away?

He could still hear Blaise speaking in the background, even as he heard Malfoy ask, "But why do the bloody vampires sparkle? Real vampires don't…wait a fucking minute. Is this another book, or a movie? I swear by all that's evil, if you're stringing me along, getting me all interested, especially in the whole romance between Edward and Bella, and this isn't even a true story, I'm going to slaughter you in your sleep!"

A roar of laughter rose across the dark span of space toward Theo, but he felt isolated by it. He felt choked by it. He stood up and started to run. He ran and ran and ran until he was out of breath. Until he couldn't move because his legs burned. He fell over a tree root, almost hitting his head on a marble headstone. Turning to his back, he looked up at the carved angel and fought back his tears.

He swore the angel looked down at him with disgust. He looked back up at it and said, "Yeah well, fuck you too, you stupid, angel."

Finally, he sat up beside the massive, white stone, only to feel a hand on his shoulder just a few moments later. "I wonder who Celesta Melbourne was?" he heard a familiar voice ask. It was Blaise.

Theo leaned back against his friend's legs. The warmth of his friend's body seeped into his, helped him to even out his breathing, cease his tears, fight back his demons. Rubbing his hands over his eyes, he asked, "Who?" He'd been crying and he hadn't even known it.

"The woman who's grave you're now sitting upon, my good man," Blaise answered. "This big white angel headstone belongs to Celesta Melbourne, born 1878, died 1912. She wasn't very old, was she? She's surrounded by Blacks, so she must have been related to Malfoy's mum. By the way, I guess we're playing a game now called headstone alphabet. We have to find a gravestone with a first or last name for each letter of the alphabet, in order, from A to good old Z, although we all agreed we could skip Z and X, although why we're not skipping Q is beyond my intellect. When we're finished, we're to meet back at the fire. You and I are on a team. Poor, Granger, who thought up the game, got saddled with Malfoy."

Theo just nodded.

Blaise kept his hand on Theo's shoulder, sensing that he needed a lifeline. "We can use Celesta as our C, but we need to stay honest and find an A and a B first. Granger said we may use first names or surnames and unbelievably, she trusts us not to cheat, can you imagine that? Ha! I say she really doesn't and that's why she picked Malfoy to be on her team. Here." Blaise handed Theo a piece of parchment. "You record the names on this. Just use your wand…and look, good old Celesta's buried next to 'Duncan Sylvester Black' born 1863, died 1923. That can be our 'D'. I wonder if they ever visit each other, you know, late at night, on the sly, when no one's looking."

Theo looked up at Blaise and said, "What?"

Blaise shrugged, knelt down, and said, "You're probably right. Duncan might be on my team. He might like visiting both Celesta AND Nathaniel Oscar Black over there, but I prefer to believe he's a straight arrow sort, don't you? I mean, he's buried near an angel!"

Theo laughed. "You're a sick fool."

Blaise ignored him and pointed toward another grave. "But you still love me, don't you? Now, we need an A and a B, before we write down these two names. Oh, look there - there's one that says 'Dorothea Antonia Rasmussen Black'. What a mouthful. She was married to Duncan, I think. I wonder if she knows about Duncan and Celesta. No matter. I think we can use her as our 'A'. It's on the stone, so it's good."

Theo stood up and said, "You'd better hope that they're not ghosts, and listening, or you're in trouble." He kept his hand on Blaise's shoulder.

"Not as much trouble as Duncan, I wager," he said with a smile. "Granger didn't say we couldn't use the same grave marker for the same letter, so let's use Dorothea Antonia for our B, too, since she was a 'Black' as well and go to a new section."

"How'd your story end?" Theo asked, rubbing his finger across his nose. Blaise stood up beside his friend.

"Oh, the werewolves bit the heads off all of the vampires and kill them in the end, then Bella died of a Venereal Disease. That sort of chaffed Malfoy, because I think he developed a bit of a thing for Edward. Something about the hair, but there you go," Blaise joked.

Theo said, "I thought he would have liked Jasper more, blond you know."

Blaise shrugged and they walked onward, only to stop when Theo said, "Oh, and by the way, you're right you know."

"About what? Duncan and Celesta or Draco and Edward?"

Theo turned to Blaise and leaned closer, placing his arms around his friend's body. "I do love you, you know."

A/N-Short chapter because it was supposed to be at the end of the last chapter, however, I decided it was better as a stand alone chapter. I have Draco and Hermione's part of 'graveyard alphabet' and Adrian and Marcus' part already written and should have them back from the beta by Sunday or so, I would think. You should get a bit more of Astoria's story with each installment! Again, thanks for reading and reviewing, everyone!