Chapter 25

Number 5 Privet Drive

The next week was hell, pure and simple. I lived every minute in fear, certain that it was the minute that Jonathan would barge through my door demanding to know what Harry was on about. Fortunately, Harry didn't seem to have inherited his father's vengeful nature. Jonathan remained unaware.

I took the liberties of owling Remus myself. We sent owls back and forth discussing Jonathan. We both agreed that we should tell him together, and we planned to do it the first Saturday after school let out. I had to do it quickly before I lost my nerve.

18 June 1994

I pulled aside the curtain to peer out the window by the door. Remus stood on my front stoop, with his head bowed, his hands in his pockets, and his feet shuffling. I opened the door and allowed him to enter. He followed me silently into the lounge where I fixed him a cup of tea.

"Where is Jonathan?" he asked.

"He stayed the night at the Burrow. I made him promise to be home by four though."

Remus looked about the room at the various photographs and trinkets that had been collected over the years.

"These are all Muggle photographs." It was more of a statement than a question.

"This is a Muggle neighborhood; we have to keep up appearances. … Not that we have many visitors," I added at Remus' look. "Still, I make Jonathan keep his magical things in his room, just in case. The last thing I need is a Ministry Official knocking on my door."

"They probably wouldn't knock; they'd just use the floo."

"Yes, because that's much more discreet if I should be entertaining."

Remus grinned and turned back to the photographs. He picked up one that had Jonathan and Harry in it; they both had large smiles on their faces.

"When was this taken?"

"Jonathan was nine, Harry eight. The Dursleys had gone to the beach for the weekend. They dropped Harry off at Mrs. Figg's, but she fell ill on Friday night so she asked me to take him in. He looked so miserable when he arrived; he really wanted to go to the beach, but you know I'm not much for large bodies of water."

"Cat's usually aren't," he said.

"Not usually, no. Anyways, Harry was miserable, and Jonathan had just started studying the planets in school. So I took them both to the planetarium at Bristol and we had a very enjoyable time."

"And this one here," I continued as I picked up a photo from the shelf above. It had all three of us in it smiling.

"This one was taken just a few years ago, before Harry got his Hogwarts letter. Petunia and Vernon were taking Dudley and a friend to the zoo for Dudley's birthday. They were going to leave Harry with Mrs. Figg again, but she had fallen the night before and broken her leg. None of Petunia's other…acquaintances…were available, so she brought him over to me.

"Once again I could see how upset Harry was at being left out, so I took him and Jonathan to the zoo. I didn't know at the time that's where they went. We spent the better part of the day hiding from them.

"I remember this one moment we were all approaching the same corner. I could hear Petunia's grating voice. So I grabbed the boy's, threw them against the wall, and cast a quick disillusionment charm to conceal us. The four of them walked right by without seeing us."

"Why do I feel like there's more to this story?"

"Because there is." I shrugged and smirked. "We eventually caught up to them in the Reptile House. I tired convincing Jonathan and Harry not to go in because everything in there was icky and slimy, but…"

"…But they're boys," Remus finished.

"They're boys, and they like icky and slimy. Plus, Jonathan reminded me that they had let me linger at the Great Cat Exhibit."

"So what happened once they were in the Reptile House?"

"Well… Harry may have vanished the glass his cousin was banging on making his cousin fall into the exhibit and setting loose the python within before making the glass re-appear."

"And Dudley was where when the glass re-appeared?"

"Inside the exhibit still." I grinned.

"I don't imagine that went over very well with the Zoo Keepers, or the Dursleys," Remus said with a chuckle.

"Better than you might think actually. You see I freed Dudley just as the Zoo Keeper arrived and distracted Vernon and Petunia. So when the Zoo Keeper went to inspect the cage, Dudley was on the outside of it again. Petunia was beside herself. The Keeper asked me if I knew anything about what had happened, but…"

"Let me guess. You feigned innocence."

"There was very little feigning going on, Remus. I assure you."

"Right. What happened after that?"

"Vernon looked over and saw Harry and Jonathan laughing. And he pieced together that we had something to do with it, but of course he couldn't prove it. I haven't been asked to keep Harry since though, and Petunia only gives me the stink eye now, but… It was worth it. You know, since he started attending Hogwarts, they're too scared to let Harry near anyone lest they discover the Dursley's disgrace."

Remus continued to scan the lounge asking about this photo or that photo, while sipping his tea. I was glad to tell him about every moment. Then we got to a shelf that displayed various pieces of artwork created by Jonathan through his days at primary school. Remus picked up a ceramic hand print.

"That's Jonathan's when he was six. They made them in school for Mother's Day."

"Did they do one for each hand?" Remus asked as he picked up another one. I was suddenly hit with emotion.

"No," I choked out. "That's Harry's. He made his a year later and he…he gave it to me because…he—he knew Petunia would have just thrown it out. Now I've… I've lost him, Remus. I've lost him. I've ruined what we had. He… he hates me now. And I'm a-a-about t-to lose Jon-ath-an too…"

I began gasping for air, like my lungs suddenly weren't getting enough oxygen.

"Kate? Kate, what's wrong?" Remus turned to me quickly. He grabbed my arms and steadied me as I nearly fell while trying to get away. I struggled in his arms. I wanted space. I needed air.

"Kate?"

"I—I can… I can't breathe… Remus, I…"

I was beginning to feel woozy and the room spun on its axis.

"Shit! Kate, what do I do? How can I help?"

I struggled to maintain focus. I knew I could never make it to the door, and I'd lost motor function. I did the only thing I could think of. I grabbed Remus by the shirt and pulled him flush against my body then I buried my face in his robes.

The problem wasn't that I wasn't getting enough oxygen; it was that I was getting too much. So I used Remus like a paper bag and inhaled my own exhale to balance out my system. And with each breath I took in, I inhaled his calming aroma as well. Slowly my breathing evened out and the room stopped swaying. I pulled away from Remus, red-faced and puffy-eyed.

"You're not going to lose him, Kate," he said softly. "I won't let that happen."

I stepped out of his arms and stumbled onto the couch. I bent over double with my head in my hands. I was breathing better, but it was still difficult.

"Please, Kate, is there anything I can do to help?"

I silently looked up at him and saw that he genuinely was concerned.

"Cold…damp….cloth," I said.

"Cold, damp, cloth, go it."

He headed back towards the kitchen and I dropped my head back into my hands. I heard him open and close several cupboards looking for a towel.

"Under the sink!"

A moment later I heard water running. And a moment after that he was back with a towel in one hand and a Honeydukes chocolate bar in the other.

"So you remember where I keep the chocolate, but not the towels?"

"Some things are more essential than others." He didn't say which was which in this scenario, but he didn't need to.

I took the towel and folded it before placing it on my forehead and leaning back. Then I took the chocolate bar, broke it in half, and offered it to him.

"A consolation gift for having to bear witness to my melt down," I said weakly.

"Do those happen often?"

"Not in recent years."

"Not since you made the illusion permanent?"

"More or less."

We sat there for a while, eating our chocolate and talking. We tried to work out a plan, but there was no real plan that could be established. Neither of us knew for certain how Jonathan would react. At ten minutes past four, the fireplace turned green and Jonathan stepped out.

"I'm sorry, Mum," he said as he brushed soot off his tee-shirt. "I really am. I swear I didn't realize what time it was."

"It's alright, Jonathan. I'm not upset."

"You're not? Well in that case, can I…"

There was the faint sound of a toilet flushing.

"Is there someone here?" Jonathan asked. He turned around just as Remus walked through the doorway. His face registered shock before he quickly forced it away. He turned back to look at me with wary caution. I smiled faintly.

"Come have a seat, Jonathan. I think it's time we talk about something that is long overdue."

"Umm…well, that's not ominous at all."

He walked over and took Remus' vacant seat on the couch next to me. Remus took a seat in a chair on Jonathan's other side. I tried to collect my thoughts and figure out how to begin. The one thing that Remus and I did agree on was that I should be the one to tell him.

"Wait, Mum, before you say anything, can I just ask one thing?"

"Sure, Jonathan, go on," I said with a little too much relief.

"Does this have anything to with the fact that… Professor Lupin is…a werewolf…?"

Remus bowed his head, as Jonathan continued.

"…Or the fact that…he's…my dad?"

It was my turn to bow my head as I failed to fight off falling tears.

"How did you know?" Remus asked, looking up at Jonathan.

"What? That you were a werewolf? That was easy; I pieced that together first term."

"What gave me away?"

"Nothing…to anyone else at least. But when your mother studies the stars as much as mine does, you tend to notice certain patterns. And I noticed that your 'illnesses' seemed to wax and wane every twenty-eight days or so."

Remus nodded a faint smile on his lips as he glanced my way. "And for the other?" he asked.

"Well… that one was more difficult to figure out. I didn't start putting that together until well into the second term. There… there just seemed to be …something between the two of you; some history I didn't know about. But the two things that really gave it away were when I…defended Katie…"

"You mean when you got into a fight and broke a boy's nose?" I asked, speaking for the first time.

Jonathan gave a cheeky grin. "You say 'fight,' I say 'defend.' It's all a matter of semantics, but that's not the point here, Mum."

I looked over at Remus to find him chuckling.

"Don't laugh, Remus. That's not funny," I scolded.

Remus just grinned. "It is a little."

"How did that make you realize that he was your father?" I asked, ignoring Remus and turning back to Jonathan.

Jonathan hesitated for just a moment, and I realized that had been the first time Remus or I had actually confirmed Jonathan's suspicion.

"I… well, you did actually," he said at last. "You asked him what he would do. You let him choose my punishment. You've never done that before with any other Professor, not even McGonagall."

"And what was the second thing that gave it away?" Remus asked.

"Simple. The fact that you're sitting here right now for this big discussion."

Remus smiled. "You're a very bright boy."

"I have a good mother," Jonathan replied with the smallest bite.

"Yes…yes you do," Remus said with a sigh. "I'm sorry I wasn't around while you were growing up. I know there are a lot of moments I missed, moments neither of us can get back." Remus paused as he ran a hand over his face. I glanced at Jonathan and saw visible tension in his features.

"Look," Jonathan said. "We can discuss why you weren't there…later, but for now… I'll just assume it was for good reason."

Remus nodded. "We can talk about it whenever you're ready. I just want you to know, that I want to be there now, if…if you'll have me."

Jonathan didn't respond instantly, and I knew it was because of the sudden moistness I could see forming in his eyes. I reached out to take his hand.

"That may take…some time, but I… I think…I think I want that too," he said finally. I could see Remus' shoulders slump with relief.

"There is one other thing I'd like to know," Jonathan said "There's one thing that still confuses me. And it's 'why.' Why did you not seem to know at the start of the school year? The two of you acted like you hardly knew each other. I mean, I know it's been a while, at least fifteen years I guess. But surely you two haven't changed so much that you wouldn't still recognize each other."

Remus looked to me. That was my cue to explain. I gave Jonathan's hand a light squeeze before beginning.

"You're right; Remus hasn't changed much. I can still see the boy I fell in love with. But me… I…"

I took a deep breath, and then I told him everything. I told him all about how I attended Hogwarts and not Ilvermorny. I told him about the adoption and how I was really James' sister, and therefore Harry's Aunt. I told him how Remus and I finally got together in sixth year and how I fell in love with him.

Then I began telling him about the war after school. I told him Remus and I simply didn't work out like we'd hoped, and so we parted ways. I told him I was already pregnant when we split, but that I never told Remus. Therefore Remus never knew he had fathered a child; things would have been very different if he had known.

Next I told him about going into hiding under the Fidelius Charm. When I got to the claustrophobia and panic attacks, Jonathan reached over and took my other hand because he knew something of what they were like. But as I began telling him about the illusion, I could see his support begin to fade. As I let the illusion fade, he dropped both hands and stood up. He paced for a bit with his hand rubbing across his forehead. I knew he was processing everything; I was already crying.

"I… You…" Jonathan began a couple of times, but he too was finding the way to begin difficult.

"Why?"

"Jonathan, I told you why. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't live in a cage."

"No, I understand why you created the illusion, as odd as it sounds. I've seen your little spells, and they aren't pleasant to witness. But what I don't understand is why you didn't tell me before now. Did you not trust me to keep your secret?"

"This has nothing to do with trust, Jonathan. You were just a child; anything could have easily slipped out."

"Alright, but then why not tell me when I was a little older? Why now? Is it just because he came back?" he pointed to Remus. "Had he not shown up this year, would you still have told me? Would you ever have told me?"

I wanted to say that I would have told him, but I'd be lying. And Jonathan knew as much.

"I… I don't know what to say right now, Mum."

So he said nothing. He simply left and walked out the garden door. I jumped to my feet and called after him, but he didn't stop. When I tried to follow him, Remus stopped me.

"Why don't you let me talk to him?"

I nodded and then watched through my tears as he too left.

I couldn't simply sit still and wait for them to come back inside. I paced and I meandered around the lounge. I found myself back over by the bookshelves. I picked up Jonathan's ceramic hand and traced my fingers over the tiny grooves. My tears collected in its palm.

When Jonathan did come back in, he didn't say a word to me. He barely even glanced my way before running up the stairs to his room. I turned to Remus, anxious to find out what had been said. Remus looked nervous ad I knew he didn't have good news for me.

"He… He wants to come back to my place with me, and…" Remus paused, looking me in the eye at last. "And I said he could."

I nearly lost it and my words came out with a squeak. "He wants to leave?"

"Just for a few days," Remus reassured. "He'll be back before the full moon."

"The full moon? That's three weeks away. How could you possible agree to something like this?"

"He's upset, Kate, and like you he's asking for a little bit of space to mull it over. At first he said something about going back to the Burrow, but then he asked about coming with me. How could I deny him?"

"You said I wasn't going to lose him, but what do you think this is? He's already choosing you over me."

"He's not…You're his mother. You can't lose him, Kate; I promise. I can better see to that if he comes with me, and it will give us a chance to connect as more than a Professor and Student. Please, Kate, don't fight him on this; it will only make things worse. Give him time to cool off, and he'll come back willingly. I told him I could convince you to let him come."

Jonathan appeared at the top of the stairs just then with a bag in hand. We locked eyes for the briefest of moments before he looked away. With tears running down my face, I nodded and Remus sighed.

They were gone soon after.