James The Lesser Presents Vinny Lane

Kevin showed up on a motorcycle to school. Kevin, being Kevin, wanted to show off. Kevin, being Kevin, crashed and hurt himself.

The football team tanked. Mack was a great running back but a horrible quarterback.

Vinny didn't care. The team being good or bad meant nothing to him.

He was explaining to Tom about how little he cared over dinner at the country club. "The rest of the school is freaking out about it."

"Even You Know Who?"

Vinny grimaces at the way Tom says it. "No. Her parents and her sister are."

"What about your parents and Trent?"

"My parents wouldn't care if they were here and Trent cares even less about Lawndale High. He went to class just enough to not fail."

They continue to eat on Tom's parents dime. The original plan had been to go to the usual Pizza King but Tom and Vinny wanted to hang out alone. Without being bothered by Vinny or Tom's classmates. Or a place Daria might show up.

Tom and Daria made Vinny annoyed.

The three would hang out and then for the next two or three days all he would hear from both was how hostile the other one was. How their opinion on a book or movie was wrong.

And the nights where he wanted to, hang out, with just Tom or Daria annoyed the other one even more.

Daria was still his best friend and he had times he wanted to hang out with just her.

Tom was his friend too and there were times he wanted to hang out with just him.

He hated being torn between the two.

Daria is in her room writing when her mother knocks on the door. "Daria?"

"Mom? What is it?"

"Why are you home?"

"Because." I just need to finish this story. Kevin is dead but who is the killer?

Helen crosses her arms. "Daria, why aren't you out with Vinny?"

"He's hanging out with his friend Tom."

"Tom?"

"Tom Sloan."

"Wait, as in thee Sloan's?"

Daria feels infuriated at her mother's reaction. "Yes."

"I didn't know they were friends."

"They weren't until a couple of months ago."

"Oh. I see."

Daria wants to scream but knows that is what gets her in trouble. "And since then I've had to share him with Tom."

"You don't hang out together?"

"Sometimes. It usually ends with me and Tom arguing over the points of a movie or book."

"You should give him a chance."

"Why? Because he's a Sloan?"

"No. Daria, if you give people a chance they might just surprise you. You have a hard time making friends. You have a chance to make friends with someone else."

"I don't want to be friends with him."

"Daria, if he and Vinny are friends, shouldn't you give him a chance? Vinny wouldn't be friends with someone too different from himself or you, would he?"

Daria hates having to concede a point to her mom. "Maybe. They, Vinny told me he was hanging out with Tom tonight. I wasn't invited."

Helen shows shock for a second. "Have you two hung out alone?"

"Well, yes."

"How do you think that makes Tom feel when he's not invited?"

Daria slumps her shoulders. "Like I do now."

Helen puts a hand on Daria's shoulder. "I'm sorry Daria that you feel this way. I wish I could help you more."

"I'm fine mom. I get why he wants to hang out with Tom without me. He needs his guy time. He needs his time with Tom without Tom and I getting into an argument over a book he's never read."

Helen squeezes her shoulder before pulling her hand away. "Talk with Vinny. Ask to hang out with them together. I know you have a hard time making friends and here is your chance to make another."

"I don't want to make another friend."

"Daria, if you two argue over books you've both read, you could start there. Find a book you don't argue over."

Daria looks around her room. She was here instead of with her friend. "I could try."

"That's all I can ask of you." Helen leaves the room giving Daria time to work on her short story.

Vinny listens to Mr. O'Neil as much as he normally would. Something about failing something they know they could fail. Simple enough.

As soon as the leave class Vinny grasps Daria by the arm. "Daria, will you go out with me?"

"What?!" She rips her arm away from him. "No."

She said no like a normal person. I figured she would have at least try to use her boots. "Well, that was easy. My assignments over."

Her face goes through several emotions before it settles on a death glare that sends chills down Vinny's spine. "I hate you."

"You might hate me but my assignment is over. What about you?"

Daria sighs as her death glare disappears. "I'm going to try make friends with Tom."

"Then you can start tonight. I was going to have Tom over to watch me paint while he did commentary for the T.V."

"Great. We have a week to fail and I can fail tonight."

You could at least try Daria. She wouldn't fail which means she'd fail the assignment. She'd never fail a class assignment no matter how stupid it is. "Just don't tell Tom I asked you out."

"Why would he care?"

"He wouldn't." Vinny shuffles his feet. "Just, don't tell him."

Vinny and Daria are at Casa Lane finishing homework when Tom appears. "Hey, Trent let me in."

"Hey Tom." Vinny looks over at Daria. "Daria?"

"Hi."

"Hello to you too. What are you crazy kids up to?"

Vinny responds. "Homework."

"Fun."

Tom walks over to Vinny but Vinny shakes his head. Tom tilts his head and frowns. Vinny keeps shaking his head and Tom takes a step back.

Daria is confused but doesn't pry.

Tom studies Vinny's newest painting. It is of... "I don't know this person but they look familiar." The woman was giving a Mona Lisa type smile while holding a brush.

Vinny grabs a brush and poses like the woman in the painting. "A lot of people think that the Mona Lisa painting was of Leonardo DaVinci doing a portrait of himself as a woman."

Daria takes a closer look at the painting with Tom. "I see it. Just a little change here or there and you'd look like this."

Tom laughs. "I'd like you any way you looked."

I wonder if I would too. It would be easier if Vinny was a girl. "Hmm, I don't know. I think being a girl might change Vinny too much. With his eye for color he'd make a perfect Fashion Fiend."

Tom gives both of them a look. "Her sister and her group of friends are the Fashion Club at Lawndale High. We call them the Fashion Fiends."

"A fashion club? That's one thing I'm glad my school doesn't do."

"I'm sure your school doesn't do a lot of the things our school does."

Vinny laughs. "Daria, there are prisons that don't do what our school does."

The three teens continue to talk and hang out and Vinny realizes that Daria was failing at failing her assignment.

Friday comes and the three go to the Zon for a Mystic Spiral concert.

Tom waits for the break between songs to comment. "This seems familiar."

Vinny nods in agreement and Daria snarks. "Does that mean Vinny is going to ditch me to hang out with you again?"

"We're already here so no need to ditch."

"You better not Vinny. I'm not riding home with Trent again."

Vinny leans over so Tom can't hear him whisper to Daria. "Temptation too much?"

"Shut up." Vinny smirks as Daria continues. "Bite me."

"Nope. Just friends."

Tom and Daria start talking about a book when Vinny hears. I have to stop this. This always gets them started. "Who would think Mystic Spiral music would bring anyone together?"

Tom breaks his train of thought about Pride and Prejudice to comment. "Together over how bad they sound."

Vinny motions to those around them. "Yet people still show up to hear them."

"People with worst tastes in music than the band has."

"We're still here so what does that say about us?"

Tom replies to Daria and the two start talking about Mystic Spiral. Daria mentions her adventure to save the band from prison. Ha, I kept them from talking about a book and they don't fight. Need to keep that in mind in the future.

When Monday comes, Vinny waits outside of Daria's house for her.

When she walks out she sees the smile on his face. "What are you so happy about?"

"You failed your assignment."

"Go to hell."

"You liked hanging out with Tom once you two stopped talking about books."

"He can go to hell too."

Vinny pats her on the shoulder. "You're letting people in. Soon you'll be elected the president of the People Who Don't Care About Popularity Club."

"Both of you go straight to Hell and burn."

"Do you even believe in Hell?"

Daria mumbles a few more insults before joining Vinny on their walk to school.

In class the students give a presentation of their failures. Vinny was surprised to hear people start crying.

Jodie, the overachiever perfect student, was devastated by her failure.

Vinny goes up to the front. "I asked a girl I know wouldn't date me to go out on a date. She said no. Thee end." Vinny goes back to his seat and waits for Daria to go up.

Daria stands in front of the class the same as Vinny and the others. "I did not want to make friends with someone. Somehow I failed. Which means I still accomplished the goal of the assignment and deserve an A."

She walks back to her seat in silence.

Vinny writes a note and hands it to her. Do you think. Mr. O'Neil will believe it?

She writes her response and hands it back. Of course. He's not smart enough to figure out I'm messing with his work.

Vinny draws a doodle of Mr. O'Neil's head spinning and hands it back to her. She smiles a little before crumpling up the paper and throwing it in her backpack.

A/N Quinn is still grounded/on probation from her stealing so Daria couldn't try and get her grounded from the fashion thing.