Year Two: Chapter Twenty-Five
A Dark Secret

Remus sat as still as a statue. The room was silent. James and Sirius's eyes were locked on him, waiting intently for his response. He continued to stare back and forth between the two. His eyes sank into his lap and he said nothing.

James turned to Sirius and then to Remus again. The colour had drained from his face and small beads of sweat covered his forehead. His eyes looked sunken in above the large, dark bags beneath them. He stared down at his bandaged hands as he closed them into fists. He didn't move at all.

"Please say no," Sirius pleaded with himself, flashes of the illustration of the werewolf transformation from his first Defense Against the Dark Arts book playing themselves out in his head. "Please just say we're crazy and that you really are visiting your mum because she's sick and you're scared you're gonna lose her." Sirius knew that, as each second drew itself out, that that seemed less and less likely to be the case.

"Remus? Remus, did you hear us?" asked James, interrupting Sirius's thoughts.

Slowly, Remus managed to nod his head.

"Then…." Sirius trailed off.

Remus looked up at them and stared into Sirius's eyes and then James's before quickly tearing his gaze away from them again.

"No….I mean…it can't…it can't be…true…?" James stared at him in dumb horror.

Remus didn't reply, but continued to stare down at his hands.

"Why didn't you tell us?!" Sirius stood up and advanced toward Remus, scaring the smaller boy. Sirius didn't care, though. He was furious! Why didn't he tell them? What had they ever done to make Lupin not trust them? They were his best friends after all! Why would he feel like he had to keep lying to them?

"Sirius - " James tried to interrupt, but Sirius wasn't done.

"Didn't you trust us?!" exclaimed Sirius. Remus stared up at him, eyes moist with tears that wouldn't fall.

"Sirius - " James tried again, noticing Remus's struggle to not cry.

"Did you honestly believe that you could keep this big of a secret from us without us noticing?!" roared Sirius.

"I-I hoped - " Remus voice cracked, but he was interrupted.

"Did you think that you could hide this from us forever?" Sirius continued hollering down at the boy.

Remus quickly shook his head quickly. "No! I - "

"Did you actually think we wouldn't find out?!"

Remus shook his head again. "Well I - "

"Why didn't you tell us?! Didn't you think that we've proved ourselves to be pretty trustworthy friends by now?" Sirius could understand that Lupin wouldn't tell them right away perfectly. That was completely reasonable! However, he was furious that it had taken him two years to admit his lie and they still had to force him to tell the truth.

"There were many times I almost did!" Remus finally cried out, his face falling into his hands. Sirius gave him a moment to compose himself so that he could hear what else he had to say. "I almost told you all when we were in the Great Hall the other day!"

"Why didn't you then?" Sirius growled under his breath.

This low growl almost seemed to frighten Remus more than the loud shouting had earlier. In a small, trembling voice, he answered, "Th-there were t-too many people around us. I wanted to t-tell you up h-here when your present from P-Peter was going berserk, too, but - "

Sirius did some quick calculations in his head and interrupted Remus once more. "Then that means it was you that was setting off my acutuscope!"

Remus stared up at Sirius helplessly with terror in his two big blue eyes.

"Remus!" James abruptly stood up and stepped between the two, afraid of what might happen if Sirius continued any longer. "Remus…Remus…we don't care…."

Sirius turned to James, angry that he had been interrupted, but didn't say a word. And neither did Remus as he stared in dumb shock of what he had just heard.

James repeated himself, staring into Remus's wide eyes. "Did you hear me? It doesn't matter."

"What?" Remus's voice was more hoarse than normal, as if he hadn't used it in years. He looked extremely taken aback by what he had just heard.

Scuffing the floor with his feet, Sirius nodded in agreement and James gave a small, reassuring smile. Remus wiped his wet eyes on the sleeve of his sweater, but never looked away from James. "What did you say?"

"You heard me," James smirked. "We don't care, Remus. We don't care. It doesn't matter."

Remus's former expression of stunned astonishment quickly melted away and was replaced with distressed pain. He shook his head and slowly looked down at the floor.

"Remus, what's wrong?" James asked, concerned. This wasn't a reaction they had expected at all.

"This is wrong…." Remus trailed off.

"What is?" asked James.

Remus looked back up. "You can't just be alright with it. It doesn't matter…it doesn't matter? It does matter! It does! It makes all of the difference in the world! I am not human. I am a monster! A bloodthirsty beast that devours human flesh! A monster, for goodness sakes! And you just don't care?!"

"Remus, you're not a monster. You're a person and it doesn't - " James tried to speak reasonably with him.

"You're wrong!" Remus interrupted, shaking his head. He was trying to convince himself of what he thought they should be convinced of. "I'm a monster! An animal! I could hurt you! Kill you! I could snap both of your necks now if I wanted to - "

"But Remus, that's the difference! You don't want to!" James contradicted him. "And I don't think for one second that you would ever hurt us, even though you could. You're too good of a person. Too good a friend…."

Remus's resolve seemed to break. His bottom lip trembled. "I…I…."

James took advantage of his momentary silence. "Remus, we do care…we do. We are bothered that you have to go through this every month. We worry that maybe you'll get so beaten up one month that we won't ever see you again. We are concerned about what facing this alone has and will do to you. Excuse me for saying this, Remus, but you're an absolute wreck sometimes." Remus chuckled softly between his sobs and James took this as a good sign to continue. "But you don't need to go through this alone. No one should have to go through something like this alone. We're here for you. We want to help, that's what friends do…." James sighed and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. "You need to be able to trust us."

"I-I…" Remus sniffed. "I thought...that you w-wouldn't...want anything to do...with m-me…." His voice grew softer and softer with every word, making the ending little more than a whisper.

"You actually thought that we were like that?" Sirius scowled, earning another frightened look from Remus.

"Sirius…. " James frowned warningly at the raven-haired boy, who completely ignored him and pressed on.

"We are your friends, Lupin!" Sirius groaned and rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably when he saw Remus noticeably cringe. "Remus, we're your friends no matter what and we don't care if you're a werewolf or...or if you had celery growing out of your ears…though I would imagine that that would make it terrible to go through a door," Sirius added. Luckily, Remus gave a small chuckle as well. "It's gonna take a lot more than you being a werewolf once a month to get rid of us." He chuckled again and let a small smile tug at the corner of his mouth.

"So…are we all okay?" asked James.

"I suppose so, but you guys really don't know what you're getting in to," Remus shook his head.

"I'm sure we'll find a way to manage," Sirius rolled his eyes.

Remus nodded and glanced up at them with two exhausted eyes. He yawned and then looked around the room. "Where's Peter?" he asked hesitantly, as if he already knew the answer.

James ran a hand through his unruly hair as he felt the atmosphere of the room awkwardly change. "He…he uh…went a bit weird when he found out…he didn't really want to talk…." James trailed off.

Remus's eyes sank back down to the floor again. "Right…." He slowly nodded, as if just speaking the word caused him a great deal of pain. "You'll have to keep this a secret just between us, though. If one wrong person would find out, I would have to leave the school."

"Oh no! But if we can't pass out little pamphlets that say Danger: Remus Lupin is a werewolf, then how do you expect us to be able to protect the rest of the student body?" asked Sirius, smirking.

Remus giggled softly at the suggestion, but still seemed depressed about Peter. "Since when have you ever been concerned about others' welfare?" he looked up at them again and sighed. "Alright…I suppose that would mean yes." He stood up from the bed and walked over toward the window, staring out at the nearly full moon hanging in the sky. He sat on the window ledge and rested his head against the wall, closing his eyes for a short while. He opened them again after a few long moments and turned his head to face James and Sirius. " I expect that I owe you both an explanation, though, right?"

Sirius nodded. "Yeah, that would be nice," he smirked. He handed Remus back the wand they had taken from him earlier and he eagerly took it between his fingers again.

"Now you're making me feel more awful," he stated as he stared down his wand, sliding it between his damaged hands. Sirius shrugged and sat down next to James on his bed.

"There were actually a few things that I was wondering about in particular," James said.

Remus sighed and pulled his legs up to his chest. "Alright."

"What is it like being a werewolf?" Sirius asked, ignoring the dirty look he received from James.

"Oh no, James, it's perfectly alright. I was expecting that to be one of the first questions you asked anyway," Remus pushed his bangs out of his face and looked out at the grounds below for a few moments. "I couldn't really tell you. I mean…I've almost always been a werewolf, so what's it like to not be a werewolf? To be normal? It isn't really anything, it just…is." He shrugged.

"But isn't there anything at all?" Sirius continued.

"Well…I do know that my senses are a lot stronger. I can see, hear, and smell things better than you could."

Sirius's eyes widened. "Really?"

Remus couldn't hold back a satisfied grin. "Yep. Last month, we went to visit Hagrid, and when we were coming back to our dormitory, I heard McGonagall coming.

"Blimey! I can't believe we missed that!" James nodded.

"Even though I have very sharp eyesight, I'm colourblind," Remus continued.

"Like a dog!" Sirius exclaimed before he could help himself. When he realized what he had said, he covered his mouth with his hands. "Oh! Sorry."

Remus shrugged. "No, it's alright. A wolf is a canine, so…" he shrugged again before continuing. "I can't touch silver."

"We did see that one," Sirius nodded.

He rolled his eyes and smiled slyly. "Ah yes…sickles…."

"How long have you been a…" James paused, "…a werewolf?"

"I was bitten when I was four," Remus answered.

Sirius's eyes grew to the size of gold Galleons. "Four? You were four?"

"Yes…." he slowly nodded.

"Then you've been a werewolf for eight years!" Sirius stared at him in disbelief.

"Well….yes…" Remus sighed and looked out of the window to collect his thoughts before speaking again. "My parents and I moved into the countryside. My father worked in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures and was promoted, so we could afford a larger house outside of the city.

"One night, my mum told me that I was supposed to stay inside the house," he shook his head, his voice filled with evident self-disgust. He realized this, though, and looked back at them and forced a smile. "I didn't, though. I watched a frog jumping around our backyard and I wanted for show it to my father. But I was afraid that if I left it, it would hop away and I might not see it again, so I slid open my bedroom window and slowly climbed down our pile of wood chop," he didn't seem to be talking to them anymore, but instead appeared to be lost in the past memory.

"I ran after the frog to catch it, but it hopped into the woods, so I followed it…I don't know how long it took until the wolf found me…I heard twigs snapping and its low breathing behind me. I turned around and saw it standing in front of me…it was large and black and was baring its teeth at me before it ran toward me. I tried to climb up the nearest tree but it…it caught me by the ankle…. I remember this burning, ripping pain spreading up my leg before I managed to pull myself the rest of the way up the branch. If I hadn't made it to that branch, that wolf would have killed me. There's no doubt in my mind…." He paused shortly. James and Sirius watched him quietly.

"I couldn't sleep at all that night…not for most of it anyway. The sight of the wolf circling the tree and the burn and blood from my ankle managed to keep me awake for most of the night. I did fall asleep for about twenty minutes, though, and the wolf transformed back into human and ran way while I still slept. I never was able to see who it was before you ask. My parents, aunts, uncles, and my parents' friends…all searched for me in the forest that morning. They found me in the tree around noontime. I wouldn't leave the branch after what had happened," he swallowed the lump in his throat looked back at James and Sirius again.

"You two have no idea how much this really means to me. That you're accepting me, I mean. I haven't seen most of my family since the incident," he sighed again.

"I read somewhere that cursed wounds stay with you forever," James spoke up. "Does that mean that you still have the scar from where the wolf bit you?"

"Yes," Remus nodded.

"Could we see?" Sirius asked with a wide, mad grin.

"Seeing as I don't want to strip myself in front of you…no," Remus answered with a smirk. Sirius shrugged.

"That means that you would still have all of those scars that you gave yourself," James concluded.

Remus didn't answer and looked down into his folded, bandaged hands, confirming James's suspicions.

"Where do you transform?" Sirius asked. "So no one gets hurt," he added. Remus looked out of the window again.

"You know the Whomping Willow?" They nodded. "The Whomping Willow was planted to seal off the entrance of a tunnel. You can only reach the tunnel below when the tree is frozen."

"That's how you knew how to stop it last year!" Sirius exclaimed. He nodded.

"Does this tunnel lead somewhere or do you transform in it?" asked James.

"No, I don't transform in the tunnel. I - "

"Don't tell me!" Sirius closed his eyes as he tried to concentrate on the answer, but it wouldn't come to him.

"The Shrieking Shack?" James stared at Remus.

Sirius's eyes widened and he stared at the floor as he recalled the articles that the Daily Prophet had written about the haunted Shrieking Shack in Hogsmeade. Before they had come to Hogwarts, the building had been quiet. Within their first month of school, though, there had been reports of ghosts. And the instances of hauntings were each one month apart. Dumbledore supported the rumors of ghosts. It seemed very obvious.

"The articles in the Daily Prophet," Remus nodded.

"The articles said that Dumbledore was encouraging the rumors. That means that he, at least, knows about all of this!" Sirius reasoned.

Remus smiled and nodded. "Yes. Good job. Yes, I have heard a few of the rumors. Dumbledore was covering for me because under normal conditions, someone like me wouldn't be allowed to attend school. If any of the wrong people were to find out about this, I would have to leave," he repeated this.

"So do all of the professors know, too?" asked James. Remus nodded.

"Where do you transform at when you're at home?" Sirius asked.

"My father built me a shed shortly after I was bitten. It has many magical protections on it, but if I would manage to break free of it, the house has the same precautions. I've never broken out, though. We have no neighbors, so the chances of anything happening are very small," he stopped and looked thoughtful. "Where did Peter go? What happened to him?"

"Well…" James ran a hand through his hair awkwardly.

"He learned your secret and ran away," Sirius growled. "He was horrified and wanted nothing to do with seeing you or talking to you about it."

"Sirius - " Remus interrupted.

"No!" he exclaimed. "What kind of friend is that? He learns something bad about you and he wants nothing to do with you!"

"Sirius, Peter's afraid! I am a werewolf! It's only logical to be frightened."

"We're not afraid though!"

"Well that would say everything, wouldn't it?" Remus smiled smally and James also softly chuckled. "Sirius, you can't blame Peter for being scared."

"So you're not angry with him at all?" Sirius asked in dumb astonishment.

Remus shook his head. "No. I'm disappointed, but I'm not angry. I can understand why he is frightened." He sighed, "Do you have any more questions?" he asked. James and Sirius shook their heads. He grinned and clapped his hands together. "Alright then."

Sirius stood up, sat beside him on the windowsill, and stared at him for a long time before bonking him on the head.

"Ow! What was that for?" he asked, holding his head.

"If you ever keep another secret from us again, I'll bop you worse," Sirius said in the most solemn tone he could muster up before the three broke out into laughter. Sirius grabbed Remus's head under his arm and gave him a noogie just before James ran at the two with his bed pillow, whacking them both with it until the feathers flew everywhere.

"So we're alright?" James asked Remus.

They watched as his face broke into the first real smile they had ever seen on it. "Yes, I think we are," he nodded.

A/N- Harry Potter and friends and everything else you recognize do not belonging to me as they are the property and creations of J.K. Rowling.