Disclaimer: I don't own saw.

Readers, please be honest with me. Am I losing my toutch?

I wake up with a pounding headache. Crying hurts, I wonder why people do it so much. I can hear Jigsaw's stern voice in the living room, Hoffman left at about 5 AM. I don't blame him, the very memory of Amanda's doing is scary.

Yes. I remember it.

I've never told anyone, but I can remember really far back. Like, when I started crawling it hurt my knees, and I bit the radiator and liked the taste. That's the farthest I can remember clearly. But sometimes, when I'm asleep, I have this dream.

It's like my worst nightmare.

I'm naked and wet, and at first I can't breathe or see. I can hear screaming and shouting but i don't understand it. Then it all the noise stops. Then a bright light blasts through and I feel cold hands grab and my legs. The I can see. It's blurry but I can make out a pair of huge watery eyes. The cold hands cradle me and I'm moved.

And then I see clearly.

Somebody's lying on the ground. They're covered in blood, their whole stomach is gone. My eyes wander up. I gag as I see their face. Pale and sweaty, with masses of long black hair. Blood drips down the face. I look up. Into a pair of bright green eyes.

I always wake up screaming.

I know who it is. It's my mom.

Kat always says that newborns can never remember their own birth, but is it possible that the memory is still in our head? It must be. Because when I sleep, I remember.

I shudder and get up. I wipe my eyes and stand up straight.

I want answers.

As I enter the living room, all eyes turn to me. Amy is sitting on the couch, rocking back and forth. Kat's in a similar position, standing by the window chanting something. Jades death really fucked them up.

Max is on the floor, stunned. I ignore him and walk overt to jigsaw, who is making coffee.

'what's the story?' I ask

'his dads some musician, left when he was just 5'

I stare down at him. He's sickening. His hair, his face his skin….it all reminds me of her. They showed me pictures of her. She's so HIDEOUS. I glare at his stomach muscles, so perfect. I can't believe just yesterday I was kissing them.

I was having the best night, we talked, we had sex, I let him do things I'm not allowed to charge for.

I walk over to him. He looks up.

'Alex I-' he starts

'Don't you dare. She talks. You shut up.'

I turn to see Hoffmans back. Drunk, but back. He nods at me. I continue.

'2 days ago, I let you out of a saw trap. I thought I was doing the world a favour. You were sweet, gentle, you were such a fantastic client I was sad when you left. Took you into my home, and kept you safe. I-I really liked you. Even more when you stopped Hoff from doing something stupid. But you DARE, to tell me you liked me.'

'I did-' he starts. My foot knocks him backwards, and his head smashes against the coffee table.

'you knew. You saw the news reports. They were on for a whole NINE YEARS. THE SEARCH NEVER ENDED, IT JUST DIED DOWN. Your mom was in most of them. "the woman who knew" was what they called her. The showed mom's pictures. They mentioned the baby. You knew. ADMIT IT.'

He sighs.

'yes. I knew. I just hoped that-'

'WHAT?' explodes Jigsaw 'That she'd forgive you?'

we stare at him. He's fuming

' we all, loved Jade. She was our sister' he gestures to Kat and amy 'our daughter and' he points to Hoffman 'our lover'

Kat walks over to him and Kisses him on the cheek. Tears stream down her face.

'you have no idea how hard it was to watch her die. To see the light, leave her eyes.'

Amy stands up and puts her arm round Kat

'Jade was my best friend. Nobody could take her away from me. Then your mom did just that'

I stare at them.

And I suddenly feel about 3 years old.

All the grown ups are talking about a lady I never knew, and I'm not allowed to join in.

Joy is sitting at the table, un-phased by all of this. I notice something in her ear. A hearing aid….oh.

She's deaf.

I guess this all sucks for her too. Her dad doesn't love her mom.

Poor kid.

The door bell rings.

Nobody moves

It rings again.

And again

And again.

In the end I cave in and go to answer it.

I open the door to see nobody's there. I step out. The door swings shut. Tutting, I go to open it…

'Hello Alex'

I spin around.

And throw up all over the porch. I sink to the ground, clutching my stomach.

It's Amanda.

Amanda young

AMANDA YOUNG

I try to scream. I try to run but I'm so unsteady that I fall to the ground

I'm bundled into the back of a van, and thrown against the walls as she does a j turn and speeds off. IIcan't believe it.

'wh-what are you DOING?' I yell, now realising what's going on.

'MY BABY, MY BABY!'

huh?

'MINE! MINE!'

I sink back against the metal doors.

She's gone crazy.