I know I'm breaking your heart
Every storm that tears us apart
I know I'm to blame for all the damage I've done
But you know that I'm ready to take the fall
I never said I was angel
I never said I wouldn't break down
Cause I wear my heart on my sleeve
If you cut me I'll bleed
I know I cannot erase
Every mistake that I've made
Six Months After Hunter Carass' Death
Flashback
"You can't stay here forever," Mara whispered into my hair sadly. I was currently laying contentedly in her arms as she ran her hands through my hair, occasionally kissing my forehead lightly. It made me shiver every time she gave me such feather light touches.
We were at our old house, the boys had gone out somewhere. Who knows where, they come and go, but Mara and I hung back sometimes, just be alone together. It wasn't that we needed the silence, but we needed the peace, to breathe. Of course, being with Mara was the same as breathing, and we all breathed for one another. But sometimes I just liked to share my breath with Mara. If they makes any sense.
"Why not?" I asked her confused, "don't you want me to be here with you?" I stirred in her arms a little, turning to look up at her. We were laying tangled up in each other, both of us still wearing the dresses from the harvest celebration our town held every year. It was one of my favorite times of the year. I loved fall, well fall and winter anyways. Mara was like winter, I used to hate winter, but she was just so much like it that when I fell in love with Mara, everything related made me hold nothing but fondness for it.
She gave me that smile. That smile that made my heart stutter and my stomach fill with butterflies. It was the smile she gave me when she wanted me to know she loved me. "Of course I want you silly. But you have to wake up sometime."
I didn't know what she meant by that, and it made me wary. What did that even mean? "But I am awake." A breeze flew over the porch, and I could hear leaves tumbling around in the back yard, my hair slipped away with the breeze and Mara reached out, pushing it behind my ears. The touch was calming instantly.
"Are you?" she asked me with a tone and look in her eyes that made me wonder. She always had a way of making me question and wonder things. She could make anyone question things. Once I'd seen her convince a man that the sky was red and we were all about to die.
"Why do you think I'm not awake? Were talking, the last time I checked you can't do that in your sleep."
"Were special Bella. We always have been. We've been linked for years. It was only a matter of time before we found each other in the dreamscape."
"Dream?" I repeated, uneasiness setting in my stomach. I turned in her arms, and I clung to her. "I don't want to go anywhere. I love you Mara, why does it sound like you want me to leave you?"
"You can't float in limbo forever Bella."
"What does that even mean?" I asked getting frustrated. But she just smiled at me again and my body relaxed as I melted into her arms. I watched the sun fall, leaving us in the cool fall air and I shivered. She smiled and then kissed me so intensely any feelings of being anything but warm vanished from my mind. Mara had a way of just setting me on fire. It drove me nuts.
"You don't need to go anywhere if your not ready. You'll always belong by my side."
But then I had the urge to ask her something. Something I couldn't quite understand myself, but had to ask anyways. The words hurt when I finally choked them out, "why did you leave me?"
She gave me an odd look now, "I've never left you Bella, not really."
"But you did, you left me," I said, voice breaking. "I loved you. You left me to die."
She smiled sadly now, giving me a calming kiss, "I'll never leave you Bella. I'll always be around somewhere, in the shadows, in the corners of your mind. I'll always be there watching."
"But you left me to die, and I needed you," I accused, sitting up and pulling away from her. I ignored the hurt look in her eyes, "you tried to kill me."
She continued to look hurt now, but then very quietly she stood, "we all have to die some day Bella. No one lives forever. Not even you." Then she was walking, instinctively I reached out, and she just faded, as if she were mist. How had she done that?
"Mara, please come back, I didn't mean it," I called after her, pleading with nothing but cool night air. I felt eyes water, "come back. Please Mara, come back," I said tears sliding down my cheeks. "Come back."
"Bella?" I glanced over at the door, Chris stood there looking more then a little uncertain.
"What's up?" I asked, sitting and knowing instantly something was going down.
"Mara and Marcus are going after the Volturi, the Alice Cullen is back," I groaned and stood up. I hated when they showed up here. We'd been tracking Mara and Marcus for months now. They always seemed to be two steps ahead of us. Whenever we managed to get one step ahead of them, we'd find we were really five steps back. It was frustrating to no end.
Slowly over the last several months they'd begun to start chaos across the globe. The first time we got wind of it, we realized they'd assassinated two united nations leaders. They set off several of the American bombs and the president along with everyone else at the white house swears up and down it wasn't them.
They'd pitted two strong dark magic witch covens against one another. We also suspected that they were the ones behind the murders of four angels. The angels of course laughed when we suggested it and said that they held control over them and that it was impossible. Slowly they were sowing the seeds of discord in both worlds.
We'd tried and failed to stop them three times now. The first time Marcus had ordered her to kill me. She tried and she almost succeeded. I honestly couldn't even tell if Mara had resisted at all. Sure she spoke like she was enjoying this new game, but I could always look into her eyes and see the truth. Until now. She'd looked completely and utterly thrilled to get the kill order for me, I wasn't even sure if it was a request or an order, the excitement in her eyes just completely threw me off. I couldn't tell if it was real or fake, that's how far out of my reach she was. When I saw her eyes, I'd frozen up a little.
That had almost cost me my life. I'd ended up in a coma for five weeks. The entire time I'd been asleep, I could've sworn I was with Mara. It had all seemed so real. She even said it was real and when I woke up, I thought she would be there. When she wasn't I was crushed. When I saw her afterwards she didn't seem to have any recollection of it and she had been awake while I was asleep, so it must've been my imagination. Right? Only it didn't feel like it. Even when I saw her after I'd woken up, she still had that darkness in her eyes, that 'come and play' look.
She loved when we met up with them, because it was a full out fight that seemed to be evenly matched. We'd only managed to kill two of the dead kids, pathetically enough. But you had to go above and beyond to kill them it seemed. Two times over kill them. Maybe three. I wasn't sure how we'd killed them exactly, luck mostly. And isn't that something to brag about? Not.
I also had the sneaking suspicion she had been the one to free me from the maximum security prison I got locked up in. I'd gotten rescued by someone, but I had been so doped up I couldn't tell if it was Jesus or Mara. Who knows, maybe it was Jesus. That seemed far more likely considering just hours before I'd somehow been broken out, Mara had shoved a knife through Hunters heart and disappeared with the others.
Slowly but surely, Mara had become are biggest target. She was Marcus's main weapon now. She seemed to just do his bidding. Even the pack had begun to despise her. She'd done so much damage to every person here. Whether it was a taunt, one that would haunt you for weeks, almost as if she was in your head. Or physical damage, she was vicious, cold hearted and bloodthirsty. She was ruthless and it terrified me to be the on the other end of the stick, sort of speak. None of us ever thought Mara would be the one to turn against us. But she'd tried to kill each of us on multiple occasions. She was a monster. I had never known what the word meant until today.
Chris stuck to my side as we moved down the hall and down the stairs to the living room. Jasper and Alice stood stock still when they saw me. I remembered when they'd caught up to us in New York, it had ended horribly. I'd almost killed Emmett and Rosalie, but damn did that blonde vamp ever get under my skin sometimes. Like she's so much better then I am.
"What'd you see?" I asked, not bothering with pleasantries.
"She set fire to the Volturi, she wanted something from them. Names, our names were on the list," ah, and there it is ladies and gentlemen.
"Your scared of a little human girl?" I mocked, a smirk in place.
"She isn't human, at least not completely. She can control fire Bella, I've seen it. That could kill us, and the Volturi are the rulers of the vampire kingdom. If they're killed it will be all out chaos. Every vampire coven out there will fight for the crown. Countless humans will die."
"Blah, blah, blah. It's the same story every time someone shows up here," Brandon said in a highly bored tone. "Since when did we become the fucking good guys? Mara's side is looking better and better."
I gave him a scathing look and he returned it. Yeah, we hadn't been getting along much. "When did she kill them?" Adam broke in, giving us both clear looks to cool it. I just rolled my eyes and dropped down onto the couch Chris had sat on.
"In a few days, some kind of masquerade ball, a lot of vampires were there. There's one other thing," Alice said, hesitating. We all gave her a look to continue, she sighed, "there's an Egyptian coven, Benjamin, he can control the elements. He fought with Mara when they tried to take control of the party. I didn't see how it ended, but I heard someone yell her name." My pack and I shared looks. I wasn't sure whether or not to be thrilled about the prospect of Mara's death. I knew deep down, Mara was too far gone to be saved, but that didn't mean I hadn't stopped loving her. I missed her. Mara was everything to me. And I'd lost her.
"Let's go, there's no point wasting time," Chris said standing.
"I'll get the others rounded up, Adam can you handle the plane tickets?" he nodded and I glanced at the Cullen's. We might need Alice's ability. "Are you coming with us, or not?"
"We'll join you, but we'll need to inform Carlisle of your movement. They will want to join you Bella."
"I don't care. Just stay out of my way."
The Cullen's met us at the airport, and we gave them clear instructions to stay out of the entire groups way. We tended to get a little carried away. Sadly enough, I got stuck next to Edward while we were on the plane.
Sometimes I think I had missed Edward. But with everything always about Mara, I never had time to think about him. Or the promise Mara made that I would re-join them. I found it hard to believe at the time, but for some strange reason, Edward still loved me. What a dumbass.
We were getting a hotel room when someone walked up to me at the bar. I was talking quietly with Carlisle about the way we worked, just so we didn't freak them out too much. My last altercation with them, and the time surrounding the incident, had been short. Minutes short. They'd stayed a way after that.
"Hey beautiful, can I buy you a drink?" the man asked, giving me a wide flirty smile. He was decent looking and I noticed my brothers glare at him. Yeah, some things never change.
"No," I said curtly, turning away from him.
"Don't play hard to get, a girl like you needs a man," I felt eyes narrow, as soon as he touched my arm.
"Big mistake," Chris said chuckling, and the Cullen's got very confused.
I turned to give the man a cold stare, "don't touch me."
"Is there another place you want me to touch you?" he asked, leaning forward. I threw my open palm forward so hard it broke his nose. I brought my fist up and into the bottom of his chin, as satisfied as I was when I heard the crunch in his mouth I resisted the urge to take another shot.
"Never fucking touch me," I said smirking as he turned and stumbled away from us.
"Bella, you can't just attack strangers because there hitting on you," Alice said in disbelief.
I quirked an eyebrow, "clearly you don't know me very well."
"Should've seen what Mara used to do to people who touched Bella," Adam said a little bitterly.
"What?" Jasper asked frowning.
"Think something along the lines of castration. Moving along," I said rolling my eyes, "we'll need to blend in, we'll have an issue with scents, but once Mara and the others show up, everyone will have bigger problems then us."
"I don't understand why were going to all the trouble of protecting the Volturi of all people. Jane and Alec will take care of her," Rosalie cut in.
"Jane and Alec?" I asked confused.
"They have the ability to cause pain and make you feel nothing," Carlisle explained to us, we shared looks.
"Yeah, they've got their own parlor tricks, we need to stay focused on getting Aro, Caius and Marcus out of there before everything blows up in our faces," Brandon said pointedly to the Cullen's, "we'll expect you to take care of that."
"Those people are dangerous, we should be handling them, not you," Edward insisted for the umpteenth time.
"We were trained by Mara, and we trained the others, we know what were doing," I said, annoyed that he continued to believe I was still a weak human after all this time. "We've been up against them half a dozen times and were still standing, you wouldn't last a minute in a fight against her. Stay out of it. And stay the fuck away from Mara, because the moment she realizes who you are, your dead meat."
"I can read minds Bella, I'm sure I can handle her."
"Your funeral," I said giving up. He was screwed if he went up against her, but he could be as stubborn as me sometimes.
"Our costumes will be here in an hour or so," Alice cut in, probably seeing some sort of argument in the nearby future.
"Let's start getting ready," I said sighing and standing up.
The room was full of vampires, and even a few humans. Dinner would be my best guess. Everyone was dancing, and the music was rather seductive if you ask me. "Fan out, keep an eye open, Mara's bound to be here somewhere," Chris instructed and everyone nodded.
I knew Mara was here, I could feel her. She was close by too, I'd felt her the moment we'd gotten into the castle. She could feel me too, but why couldn't the pack feel her? Was she no longer pack? That seemed unlikely, she made us.
I walked down the steps and towards the bar. But before I got there, a cool touch had reached out for me. The touch sent a shock through me and I spun towards them and my eyes met the darkest sapphire blue eyes I'd ever seen. I'd know this person anywhere, it was Mara. "Hello Angel."
She gave me a Cheshire smile as soon as I tried to pull away, both excited and terrified, and only gripped my hand tightened. She pulled, and I crashed into her body. Her scent hit me like a ton of bricks and I felt my face flush and my stomach grow heated. God how I'd missed her.
She looked good, who was I kidding, she looked fucking amazing. Her red hair was curled into bouncy ringlets and then clipped up loosely, some strands of hair falling around her face. She wore a silver and black mask, little sparkles splashed across it, covering just the perfect amount of her face to make her almost unrecognizable. She wore a floor length black dress that hugged her body and then flared out at her waist. Her skin was as pale as the moon and she looked so god damn hot that I was almost tempted to throw our mission out the window and drag her out of the room. She was the definition of temptation.
"You look quite beautiful tonight Isabella," she practically purred, and if that wasn't startling, when she pulled me onto the dance floor it was. Why wasn't she killing me? Wasn't that her main goal, well aside from destroying the world.
"You too," I breathed, stomach bursting with endless butterflies as she guided us through the dance steps with more grace then I could've mastered by whole life. I felt a few people glance at us, as we danced and it wasn't long before those who knew who I was, knew who my dance partner was. But it seemed like everyone was kind of confused, I couldn't blame them, I was. What were we supposed to do in a situation like this? I decided to go with the flow. At least until someone else did something.
"I'm glad to see your still standing strong, I'm quite proud of your resilience," she whispered smoothly in my ear. I could imagine about half the room could hear my heart pounding and every word we said to each other. She knew this too. She was probably enjoying this. Cause I sure as hell was.
I wasn't sure what to say and she just smirked deviously, and spun me again. This time when she pulled me back into her arms, she had hers wrapped around me, and my back pressed her chest. I could feel her cool breath down my neck and it sent chills through me. "I want you Bella," she said, her lips ghosting over my neck. I suppose I should've realized how crappy my position was. It would take less then a simple movement for her to snap my neck and kill me.
"You have me now," I finally managed, and then I just couldn't help the moan that escaped as soon as her lips pressed against the pulsing vein in my neck. It wasn't even that. It was how familiar it felt, how much I had ached for something like this. it was a huge tease and we both knew it. But it was happening and at the moment that was all I cared about. She turned me in her arms, her eyes burning into mine seeing right into me like no one else ever could.
"Do I have you?" she asked, voice deepening a like it used when she wanted me. I almost moaned again. "It would be fast Bella. Quick and painless, just for you babe. Always for you, everything would be for you. It would be me and you, just like before."
It was tempting, and I almost said yes just because she'd said, 'me and you, just like before'. But then it clicked in, "I'm not ready to die, and I don't want to be what you are," it sounded kind of strained now. Would she take me anyways?
She smiled at me, it was dark and mischievous and full of secrets. It was a smile only Mara had. "You could never be what I am," she said, voice laced with secrets, secrets I used to know.
"Come home," I whispered, as I wrapped my arms around her, laying my head on her shoulder. She didn't stop moving with me, but she kept me in her arms and I was enveloped with love. I wanted Mara. I needed Mara. Desperately, and so badly that it hurt to breathe without her.
"I don't have a home anymore," she said, and her voice sounded so off that I couldn't help but look up at her. She had a strange look in her eyes and then I saw it. It was Mara, my Mara, the Mara loved. She wasn't really dead. This was the girl I had been waiting for what seemed like years. This was all I had needed. This was my sign, the one I'd been waiting on.
"Your home is wherever I am," I said honestly and it was true. Home for us, meant each other. I knew that she would come home with me, if I just had enough time to show her where she truly belonged. I just needed a few more seconds of this. She held my gaze, and we completely froze just gazing at one another. I felt her hands slide up to my face, skimming her thumb under the right side of the mask just barely.
"You should never wear a mask around me, I'll always see who you are," she said, lifting it up and off of me gently. It fell to the floor and she closed the distance between us as soon as she got a look at my now unmasked face. Her eyes held nothing but love and longing, I'm sure mine reflected the same and more.
It felt so good to hold Mara's hand and dance with her and for a few minutes I got lost in it. It felt like coming home. Like finally being able to breath again. It felt like Mara was mine, just like she was supposed to be. Then it all came crashing down and her lips hadn't even met mine yet.