Chapter 25: Fan Service Part 2
It has been too fucking long since we've written. Hello, friend. It's been too long. The fact that we haven't seen each other even though I've been hiding from the Trump stuff is amazing. Ah, yes...him. We don't mention him much in THESE waters. Lucky. His face is all over the place here. But let's not talk about politics. We don't need to drag that into the escape from real life that people use this site for, even if they don't admit it. I do see your point. Let's get to the fun stuff then, aka FAN SERVICE!
Several hours later, the games had finished. Somehow, over the course of those games, the tower chair G1 had been sitting on had been replaced with a Tower of Pimps. Ooyama was sitting in the wooden remnants after salvaging what was left of the chair. In his hand was the final score between the goddesses (and Cynthia) vs. Tehg's team. The goddesses won by three points. Ooyama looks over to the man on the tower.
"Erm...Steven…? What are you sitting on?" He asked.
"This, my good sir, is the Tower of Pimps. It was originally created by a drunk British guy with a big nose playing Minecraft. It is a symbol of power and victory."
"Huh, that's...interesting. So, what's the next thing on agenda?"
"I dunno...What's next? The first and last time I did one of these I was ripped from my own reality."
"Rough. So, that was a close match. The girls won by three points!" Lancer speaks out.
"Three points?" Nepgear asked reduntantly.
"Is three points special?" Yui asks
"Three. Three. Three." Nepgear mutters under her breath while lying in the fetal position.
"Gear! Stop rocking! You'll get sand in your bottoms!" Neptune yelled, trying to snap her sister out of it.
"THREE! THREE! THREE! *Smack* Huh...? What happened?" She looked around to see Cynthia with an outstretched hand.
"You...kind of lost it...So I smacked the crazy out of you."
"I'm sorry…" She cried bowing her head, blushing.
"Don't apologize...At this point its Histoire's fault." Uni said, defending the girl's...event…
"Is Nepgear okay? She's not going to lose her sanity, is she?" Yui asked.
"She'll be fine. Honestly, this isn't the first time she's had a breakdown. This is just the first time it was to this extent." Vert responded, subtlety shifting towards Lon'qu and placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Stop touching me!" He shouted, sounding very similar to a certain skeletal puppet.
"Oh my...I never knew his fear of females was this bad" Lyn says while eating some ice cream.
"Where did you get that? We didn't bring any ice cream." Noire asked.
"I put some milk near Blanc and this happened."
"IMMA KILL 'ER!" Said short goddess raged at the green haired girl while G1 held her back. "Let me go!" Instead of being released, she was lifted into the air.
"I'll put you down when you chill out." She brought a foot back and slammed her heel into his stomach. "Okay...bad phrasing...Not letting you go, though…"
"Put me down or your nuts are next!"
"I will hug you like a teddy bear."
"...You wouldn't…" Neptune said, remembering the time she attempted such a thing.
"He would…" Noire stated.
"I have before and I'll do it again!" Before anything more could happened, the two were buried in sand, courtesy of Tehg, who was holding a shovel.
"What the hell!? Let us out!" Blanc yelled.
"Stop squirming or you'll make things awkward for both of us!" The pink clad man yelled back. Blanc catches on and blushes before stopping her attempts to get out.
"My job here is done. Now Lyn can't be hurt." Tehg says, directing the second half to Blanc coldly.
"Why the hell are you defending her so much!?" Blanc sassed. "Aren't you married?"
"Yes...I am married. But I have my reasons." He replied, aiming the shovel towards her.
"And what reasons are those?" Noire asks
"You know...reasons..." A sword appeared in her hand and was pointed at his throat. To the surprise of most of the witnesses, no one moved to stop her.
"Tell. Me." Rose had gone around collecting money for how long it would take for her father to get physically assaulted.
"Really, Rose!? I trusted you!"
"Daddy...You deserve it at this point…" She said, getting a high five from Lyn.
"We're having a chat later young lady. Now Nowa...let's not be hasty. My reasons are simple. I just see Lyn as a really close friend and would hate for her to get hurt...Same for anyone else. Except you, Johnny." Tehg explained, hoping Noire would not kill him.
"Fine...I'll let you off with a warning."
"Yay. Now let's dance!" He said randomly, pulling out a jukebox and cardboard box. "Dance off, bitches!"
"Blanc? You mind if I hide my embarrassment for him in your hair?"
"Uh, sure...Just don't mess my hair up."
"Didn't think you'd be the one to care about your hair like that." G1 responded, burying his face into the top of her head. "Mmm...Strawberries…"
"Stop sniffing my hair, pervert." She mutters with her face going a deeper crimson.
"You say that like I have an option at this point."
"Didn't know you were such a flirt, G1." Johnny commented.
"Come on, guys!" Tehg cries, standing by the jukebox.
"We are at the beach. You don't have a breakdance dance off at the beach." Storm said.
"I said dance off! Not breakdance dance off" Despite his defense of his idea, everyone that could went to the water.
"Just because I pity you, I will let you out." Tehg says, blasting some ice at the pair and freeing them while making a small crater.
"Aw...I was nice and cozy...Blanc is surprisingly warm…Also, I found a thing." He said, pocketing what seemed to be a CPU memory.
"I'm starting to think I chose the wrong goddess." Tehg mutters a bit too loudly.
"What was that!?" Noire yelled from the salty abyss.
"N-Nothing!"
"Haha! Whipped by your in-law!" Johnny shouted.
"And you're whipped by your madam goddess!"
"Only on the second Thursday of the month!"
"Huh...Okay...Someone REALLY likes the Plutie booty!"
"Damn right I do!"
"So...what are we meant to be doing?" Cynthia asks standing next to Neptune.
"If I knew I would tell you, but alas I know not, 'Thia" Tehg says.
"I've got the light beams! Strip, ladies!" Neptune yelled out, holding what seemed to be ribbons of pure light.
"How? Why?" Tatsuya questions, holding a hand to his forehead as Neptune places some streams on herself and strips. When she was done she reached over and ripped the suit off of Cynthia. Her form was immediately covered, but not quick enough that Lon'qu wanted to stay around any longer. He took off as quickly as he could before tripping over Yusa, who was sunbathing. Naked, mind you.
"Gods, put some clothes on woman!" He shouts.
"But then I'll get tan lines." She said in her monotone voice.
"And that's detrimental to anything how!?"
"I want to look good. Deal with it." Que the sunglasses slowly descending onto her face.
"I'm just going to ignore you…" Lon'qu said bluntly before being tackled by Neptune.
"Where do you think you're going?" She asked with a false innocence. Did we forget to mention she went HDD? We did? Damn. Tehg! We fucked up! Er...How did we fuck up so bad!? I don't know, but I don't like it! I know man! We broke the walls...what's next?
"Will you two stop interrupting!?" Blanc shouted. "I just want this day to be done with!"
Did she just...? Ummm…Hi Blanc! No! Not yet! I must live through my OC to fill the void... Why go ruin my moment man! You already have a harem...I mean in real life, dammit! I know, I'm just gonna go back to writing…
"That was all your fault!?" Blanc screamed at the heavens. "That was so embarrassing!" I'm not apologizing.
"Do you need to bury your head in something, Blanc?" Tehg asked innocently.
"Shut the hell up!" She said before storming off. Tehg...We fucked up again… Oh…
"Blanc...Why?" Tehg asked himself.
"I believe it was because you reminded her of the situation that you put her in earlier." Storm answered.
"Oh...I need to go apologize then, don't I?"
"I'll go with you. I've been told I make an adequate meat shield."
"I don't think you going would be a good idea, Stevie…" Neptune said.
"How is G1 coming bad, Neptune?"
"Well, I'm pretty sure one of those voices from earlier was his, soo…"
"I'll go. Someone needs to keep my brother from dying." Solar said.
"Relax...I can handle Noire, and she's a crazy cat lady, so Blanc should be little to no problem."
"Famous last words…" Tatsuya commented.
"Yup." Lancer added.
"Thanks for the vote of confidence guys." Tehg sighs and walks off to find Blanc.
"Why is Daddy acting suicidal today?"
"First off, how do you even know that word?" Otonashi asked. "And secondly, I have no idea."
"Let him do what he wants. See how I care." Yurippe stated.
"Oh so NOW you will let him do what he wants!?" Rose shouts. "Oh, and uncle Otonashi? I learnt the word from Owain!" She says as the aforementioned man is trying to quietly escape.
"Why? Why would you say that in front of a five year old? That's almost as bad as stealing antique photos at people's parties." G1 asked.
"Why would someone steal antique photos at a party?" Noda asked, a small shark hanging from his left tricep.
"Because that's the one thing you can't replace." He answered with deadly seriousness.
"Um...What is a photo?" Lyn, Lucina, Owain and Lon'qu all asked.
"It's like a painting, but more...instant. And convenient." Matsushita replied.
"Aha! It is like that crystal Anna used in the deep realms. Don't you remember, cousin?" Owain asks Lucina.
"Please don't bring that up. I wish that Anna never had anything like that infernal device!" Lucina screams out.
"Oh yeah. Anna tried sneaking a picture of you while you were changing, didn't she?"
"No comment..." Lucina mutters, walking away.
"I feel for her, seeing as how I have the author of a series of porn novels stuck in my head." Storm said, watching her leave.
"How does that affect your mental state anyway? I've been wondering." Solar asks the sage.
"It's...a struggle. Actually, a struggle and a half."
"A struggle and a half? That's it?" Yui asked.
"Hey. It makes me money." He answered with a straight face.
"I can't argue with a point like that." Yurippe stated.
"Are we not going to address the shark that is still on Noda's arm?" Otonashi asked.
"You're actually showing worry for Noda!?" Solar asks in surprise.
"Nah. I'm more worried that the shark may catch something." Otonashi answers honestly.
"Yeah. We don't need to see his 'situation'." Lancer said from the other side of shark boy.
"You're not one to talk, seeing as how you're right next to him." Blanc stated dryly.
"Wait, I just realized something." Johnny started. "We have shark boy. Where's lava girl?"
"What are you…?" Tehg asked trailing off.
"It's an old kid's movie. You know, one of the ones that makes you feel like you're on acid." G1 answered.
"Drugs are bad, m'kay." TK said.
"I didn't know that TK knew about South Park." Vert said.
"You know about South Park?" Tatsuya asked.
"I got bored one night and went channel surfing."
"How though? It's a show from a different dimension." Solar asks.
"Hey." G1 said, waving his hand.
"When we built the Pillar of Autumn, we designed a transdimensional internet transceiver so we could get wifi." Nepgear explained in further detail.
"What?" Everyone that wasn't a part of G1's group asked.
"We have Sam Winchester wifi." Church said from the datapad in the pile of stuff.
"It's so cute…" Yui said, running over to the hologram. "Can I pet it?" At Yui's question, anyone with half a brain facepalms.
"Hey, devil? Why is that man tiny?" Owain questions, unsure if it's normal.
"You can just ask me." The A.I. stated, sounding irritated. "I'm an A.I. An artificial intelligence. And so you can understand, I'm basically a fake person. This is just a projection of me through this tablet." Both Yui and Owain look and the A.I in awe after that.
"So you're supposed to be super smart right?" They both ask in unison.
"Yeah...Why…?" Tehg goes up to Owain and whispers something into his ear
"What is three plus four?" Yui asks.
"Are we adding regular numbers or vectors? And if we are adding vectors, what is the angle between them?"
"What's a vector?" She asked, scratching her head.
"And that answers that."
"Me next!" Owain cheers before stepping towards the A.I "Ok...so... How did it feel to be blown up by a tank?"
"You know...I've had a lot of time to reflect on my multiple lives, and I just don't care anymore. It happened. Oh well. We let the retard drive the thing, so it's kind of our fault in the first place."
"In all fairness the training mode was why it killed you." Tehg commented from the sidelines.
"We let him IN the tank."
"True, true."
"Can we build sandcastles...?" Rom asked.
"Yeah! All this talk about backstories is getting super boring!"
"We can take a hint girls…" Tehg muttered as Rose walks up to Rom and Ram.
"Can I join you?" She asks them.
"Sure!"
"Hey, why don't we make it a competition? G1 can be the ref again." Johnny suggested.
"Ah hell no! I was studying to be an engineer before all of this. No way I'm NOT participating. Not after all those years of bullshitting around with Legos..."
"You know, you could always ask me since I like watching stuff like this" Tehg says, walking over to the shouting devil.
"What about your daughter? Wouldn't it be more fun for you to build one with her?" Noire asked.
"Normally, yes, but Uni used to ref competitions between me and Rose in the past so she's used to building them."
"Fine, whatever." Johnny said, surprisingly grumpy all of a sudden.
"What's your problem, Johnny?" Tehg asked with slight worry.
"You get the chance to spend time with your family and you're just blowing it off!" He yelled before storming off. Tehg, now feeling slightly pissed, decided to focus solely on the task in front of him.
"Is Johnny okay?" Lyn asks although it's a pointless question.
"No, he's not. Frankly, we're feeling the same way. It's been a long time since we've seen our families, and it's becoming a bit of a sore subject for the three of us as time goes on." Storm explained.
"Oh, I see. You are also missing family...I hope you are reunited soon..." Lyn says with a sad smile on her face.
"We do too." G1 said with an equally sad smile. "I just hope Johnny doesn't kill 'im. He might just blow his lid if Tehg says the wrong thing, and he's got attacks that can turn a planet into space dust."
"Yeah right...He ain't that strong." Tehg comments.
"Tehg...He can turn into a god, then go beyond that. Haven't you seen Dragonball Z? Vegeta blew up a planet without even going Super Saiyan." Neptune said.
"How…?"
"Crunchyroll."
"Fourth wall break levels are bullshit."
"That's my thing!" Vegeta could be heard in the distance.
"Found him!" Tehg shouts running off in search of Vegeta/Johnny.
"Well...While he commits suicide, I'll start getting the blocks of sand ready." G1 said with Yamato appearing in a puff of bluish-black smoke.
"What are you going to do with a sword?" Hinata asked, eyeing the blade.
"Didn't I just say that I was going to get the blocks of sand ready?"
"I meant how will you do that with a sword?"
"Oh. Just watch and learn." G1 slowly removed the sword from its sheath before sliding it back into place.
"Really? That's it?" Yurippe asked.
"Just watch." Tehg said. As soon as he finished speaking, the sand around them was kicked up into the sky. What was left were a multitude of rectangle structures and some stairs of sand leading down to them.
"Oh, dimension cutting magic sword, how I love you so…" G1 cooed, cradling the blade.
"Stop hugging the voodoo sword like a psycho and get back to work maggot!" Solar shouts to the devil. In an action that could only be fueled by spite, he held the sword tighter and sat down, all the while wearing a face of defiance.
"What now, child?" Lon'qu asked. "You only halted all progression of today's events."
"Uh...I'm sorry G1. Will you please get to work?" Solar asks with a pleading look.
"Sure. Now be a sport and grab daddy another beer."
"Fine. No need to sound like Alucard, though..." Solar mutters walking off to obtain said beer.
"Have you not read my first story? Going full Alucard at the worst of times is kinda my thing." Lon'qu looks at G1.
"Who is this Alucard you should not full off?" He asks.
"Alucard is an insane, nearly unkillable vampire." Storm answered.
"Nearly unkillable?" He asks suspiciously.
"He can regenerate from having his head blasted to pieces, but there are still a few things that can kill him." The sage replied.
"Ah, that explains it. Much like Steven, no?"
"I can't take it to that much of an extreme, but yeah. Pretty much. I don't even know why you were telling me to do anything, Solar. Everything is set and ready for everyone to start."
"Well...I dunno, but here's your beer G1." She says throwing it over.
"Cool. I'm gonna shotgun it." He said as he punched a hole in the side.
"Shotgun it?" Lyn asked.
"Just watch." Noire said with disdain. "The last time he did something like this, it was with a keg and he got beer all over my dress." G1 pulled the tab on the can and beer gushed out of tiny hole into his mouth.
"If Johnny were here he'd be chanting 'Chug!' like last time, too." Neptune said, giggling as Noire got visibly angry for remembering the event.
"CHUG, CHUG, CHUG!" Cynthia says at Neptune's comment, cheering her father on.
"Hehehe...Oh, that was a good time. For everyone else, that's the day Nowa here learned not to wear an all white dress around our accident prone friend." Neptune said, gesturing to the man in pink.
"He doesn't seem to be clumsy." Owain commented.
"He just heals from anything stupid that he does." Blanc said flatly.
"That shouldn't affect how clumsy the devil is, ice maker." At that moment, everyone else took a few steps away from the two. Faintly, in the distance, Mister Popo could be heard saying "He dead!". "Did I offend you by chance? I didn't mean it, I was recalling when Lyn made ice cream." The only answer he got was the cracking of her knuckles.
"Okay, so while THAT'S happening, why don't we get started?" Vert asked.
"Sure...what are we doing again? I forgot." Yui asked.
"We were going to build sandcastles, dummy!" Ram said cheerfully.
"Oh, ok! I won't lose to some little kids!"
"But you're just as tall as we are…" Rom commented.
"CAN YOU SEE THESE PUPPIES!?" Yui screams grabbing her breasts "These prove I'm not a kid like you two."
"I don't see anything. Do you, Rom?" Ram asks with a smirk.
"Nuh-uh…"
"Excuse me, but I think you're looking in a mirror you punks!"
"You make our sis look like Vert!" Ram yelled.
"Wow...This just went from zero to one million…" Lancer stated.
"HEY! THAT'S NOT VERY NICE!" Yui says looking like she's about to cry.
"They're not wrong…" Vert added. Yui let loose a sob before collapsing to the ground in a heap.
"Yay! One less competitor!" Rom cheered quietly.
"That's evil…" Otonashi said.
*Cut to Johnny and Tehg*
Johnny was sitting on the edge of a nearby cliff, with his elbows on his knees and his head resting in one hand. Tehg hesitantly approached him from behind, not exactly sure how things are going to play out.
"Um, hey, Johnny?" He calls out to the man.
"What do you want?" Johnny asked aggressively.
"W-well. I'm here to apologize and to ask if you're okay."
"Do I fucking seem like I'm okay!?"
"No. I suppose you're not. Do you need an ear to speak to? Because I think that's the least I could do."
"Honestly, I'd rather talk to G1. He's the one I know would shut up and let me vent. Maybe even take a few punches. Last time he even smiled as I beat his face in, but sure."
"Thanks, I guess. But as a side note, if you sneaked a punch in I wouldn't mind." Tehg says with a sad smile. And that's how Tehg found a fist buried into his stomach. "Honestly...I deserved that…"
"Yeah. Ya did. I do feel better though. That's really all I needed. All of this dimensional bullshit is getting to me. I miss my wife. I sure as fuck miss my kid, and I'm gonna be pissed if I'm not even gonna be able to raise my little girl."
"Honestly, I don't blame you. I mean if I wasn't so focused on saving Uni, I would be the same. I wish I could offer some advice to help, though."
"It's good. All I needed was to vent. I'll be fine now. Let's head back before someone thinks one of us killed the other."
"Yeah. That way we'll be able to watch Yui kill the twins."
"Oh? This is a story I've got to hear."
"Sure. But you sure you're good? Don't want you exploding on us again."
"You call that exploding? I've literally exploded."
"Please tell me you're kidding."
"Nope."
"Oh my muffin button."
"You shut your hole!" Vegeta yelled from within Johnny's mind.
"Hello, Prince. Now let's go Johnny."
"Sure." As the two walked back, they saw what could only be described as a war zone. "Since when was this the beaches of Normandy?"
"The what?" Otonashi asks, hiding from the disaster zone.
"There you are!" Yurippe yelled. "Get over here and fight!"
"W-what? Why do we have to fight?" Tehg asks the girl.
"It all started as a normal competition, until someone decided to throw sand at Yui. It missed, causing a chain reaction into this." Lancer said, sweeping an arm around to emphasize his point.
"I'm not surprised at this point. But do you know who started this?"
"Five bucks it's the twins." Johnny said.
"I only have gold bars…"
"I'll take five of those."
"Ok then. You're on!"
"You shouldn't have made that bet, kid." Lancer said to Tehg.
"God dammit!" Tehg yelled as he forked over the bars. "How come G1 isn't stopping this? He could have quite easily."
"He's leading the charge that the twins came up with…" Yurippe answered. "He really got the three knights going when he declared himself the mad king."
"It got worse when he started using that suitcase of his as a makeshift sand launcher."
"Oh no…We have to stop this." Tehg says, sounding unamused.
"No you don't." G1 said from behind him. "We're having too much fun." It could be seen that a broken crown sat upon his head, which was split almost in half by a twisted smile. He also seemed to be wearing a kilt over this swim trunks.
"Even though I should let you kids have your fun. I shall dethrone you!" Tehg screams to the heavens. And thus, Pandora was back in play. "Oh no…"
"You remember this, right? Rom! Ram! Load it up!" He yelled, changing it into a bazooka.
"Okay!" Ram cheered, running over with a large clump of sand.
"Uh guys...Can we talk about this? I was joking, see. Ha ha ha..." Tehg states, trying to cover his ass.
"Nope…" Rom said, shoving her own clump into the weapon.
"Ah, ok-Wait what!?"
"Bye-bye, bitch!" The pink clad man said as he pulled the trigger.
"It was an honour. But thanks for a short lived fight." Tehg says bracing himself. For the sake of time, let's skip the beatdown, ya? I AGREE.
So, at the end of the day, no sandcastles were built. Just white flags raised at G1's unfair use of a mobile missile turret.
"It's getting late. Should we start making dinner?" Matsushita asked.
"Did anyone bring anything?" Otonashi asked.
"I can go out and hunt something down. Wouldn't take long, either." Lancer suggested.
"Don't worry. I brought a bunch of stuff for barbeque." Solar said, pulling out a large cooler full of various meats.
"I can get a fire going and have some chips and what not to go with it." Storm added.
"Did you bring the pasta salad?" G1 asked.
"*Sigh*...I always have some on me, in case you ask."
"Good. Now he won't complain. I'll go get some wood. And before anyone asks, wood grilled stuff just tastes better." Johnny said before wandering off.
"I'll go with him. The more help he has, the sooner we can start." Lon'qu stated before following after him.
"So, does anyone have any alcohol?" Tehg asks.
"We're students. Do you really think we can get any?" Yurippe asked sarcastically.
"Uh...We need an adult?"
"No, Tehg. You can't have any of my Jack." G1 said, stuffing the bottle into the tiny pocket of his swim trunks.
"Give me the bottle! I need my happy juice!"
"Stay back, you little leprechaun!" He shouted in response, holding Tehg back with a foot placed onto his chest. "'Tia! Get the spray bottle!"
"Sure!" Cynthia yelled back to her adopted father, grabbing it off of a table and filling it with ocean water. Once it was full, she tossed it to him, and he sprayed the teenage looking boy down.
"STAHP!" Tehg cried out, only to get a mouth full of the fluid.
"Oh my~" Solar says looking on in delight.
"No. None of that. Shame on you." Storm said, slapping her upside the back of her head. Tehg then looks over at Storm with a pissed look.
"Storm. No." He says before whipping the liquid of his face.
"I think I actually appreciate him stopping her." Noire spoke up. "That was getting into weird, incest territory." Vert could be heard audibly pouting in the background.
"Hmm...Don't worry, Noire. None of what you're thinking will happen." He says, being vague.
"Being vague isn't exactly dispelling my worry…"
"Another me was married to a guy like this in another world?" Uni muttered to herself.
"I guess so." G1 said with a shrug. "So, let's get cooking then, shall we?"
"Sure. Come on, Gear." Solar said, beckoning her over. The air was filled with the smell of grilling meat and other foods that would go with it. The folks (Yes, I said folks) from Fire Emblem, and Tehg, stared at some of the finished products.
"What is this?" Lucina asked, holding a hotdog.
"That's a hotdog. You eat it all at once, without biting it." Johnny answered, trying his hardest to keep a straight face.
"Really?" She questioned, afterwards attempting to do just that. She had it halfway down her throat before the dam broke and the more...immature adults began laughing like madmen. "Why are you laughing?"
"You look like you're sucking a dick!" Lancer managed to shout out while trying to regain his breath. After looking down at the food, she looked up with realization dawning upon her before turning redder than a tomato.
"How dare you make me look like a fool!?" She shouts, grabbing a stick and pointing at the small group of men like it was a sword.
"Whoa! Whoa! Calm down! It was just a joke." G1 said, while stealthily moving his way to Owain. "Show this to everyone, and tell of our tales of hilarity." He whispered, handing Owain a picture.
"You do know the chaos this 'picture' will bring, correct?" His answer was a simple nod. "You truly are a demon of the highest caliber."
"This time, you're right." Nearby, Lon'qu and Tehg were staring at a sandwich sitting on their respective plates.
"What is this?" Lon'qu asked, turning to Tehg.
"It's new to me."
"You've never heard of a pulled pork sandwich?" Vert asked.
"How would you know what one is?" The younger of the two asked her.
"Sometimes I need variety in my gamer diet."
"Could you explain a bit more about what this is?" Lon'qu asked, while noticeably backing away from the green themed goddess. Said action, however, did not go unnoticed.
"You do know that it is rude to ask something of a lady, only to move away from them, right?" She asked.
"She's right, Lon'qu. Why not move closer?" Tehg suggests, teasing the warrior.
"I'd...rather not…" He muttered as she placed an arm under her chest.
"Well, to answer your question, pulled pork is simply shredded pork covered in barbeque sauce and placed onto a roll."
"It sounds disgusting!" Lon'qu states bluntly.
"Well, you won't know until you try it." Cynthia said. He sighed while picking it up and taking a bite of the sandwich.
"Hmm...Not bad, but I've tasted better." Lon'qu said.
"It's the barbeque sauce, isn't it?" Solar asked, walking towards the small group from the grill.
"Aye, it is, girl." He confirms.
"It makes sense. You guys didn't have this kind of stuff. You know, if we got you a recipe, you could probably make a killing with this. That is, if you sell it to the right people." Neptune said, appearing from thin air, seated on his left shoulder.
"Gah! Where the hell did you come from!?" Lon'qu said, startled for once.
"Oh, you know...places…But that's not important. Money is, and you could make a lot. Imagine, something no one in your world has seen before. And all you have to do is buy me pudding with the profits." Neptune says and Lon'qu seriously considers her offer. (But why 'do?)
"Before I answer, will you please get off me!?" He shouts as Neptune laughs, falling off his shoulder. "Thank you woman."
"Isn't Neptune technically just a girl, though?" Storm genuinely asked.
"Mentally, she's a kid...no doubt. But chronologically she's older than most of us here." Tehg explains. A smirk made its way onto Storm's face at his response.
"Where's the proof?"
"Oh...Um...Histoire!?" Tehg half questions.
"Histoire isn't here at the moment, please leave a message." G1 said, raising his voice to an almost feminine octave.
"Naga dammit…" Lon'qu said, facepalming. "So before the false ninja interrupted us, I'll accept your offer purple goddess." He answers.
"So, since that's taken care of, and as much as I enjoyed this, we should get to business." Noire stated, interrupting everything. "Steven, it's been more than enough time for you to be able to open another Gate, right?"
"Yeah, but we did agree to help."
"We have, but we have to get home, too." Blanc said, reinforcing what Noire was getting at.
"Let's put it to a vote then." Uni said. "Everyone that wants to leave, raise their hand." All of the goddess, and Tehg of all people, did so. All that were present turned towards him.
"What? I'm getting tired of that guy dicking with us, and thought we could try something different this time around."
"Alright, clear me some space."
"What about us?" Otonashi asked.
"You'll be fine without us. Trust me." Johnny answered.
"Fine. Go on, then. Get out of here." Yurippe said. "We're leaving." The SSS left as Storm grabbed the necessary materials. Church was brought back into the Autumn to run diagnostics on the large vessel. The Hell Gate stood before the larger group.
"This is...wow…" Lyn said in awe.
"This feeling...Madness...overflowing!" Owain shouted.
"Okay, his insanity aside, let's get going." Those inexperienced with the stone monolith hesitantly stepped into the portal that formed on its wider surface. G1, as usual, was the last to enter.
"Ladies and gentlemen...Welcome to Hell." Lancer said casually, waving an arm towards one of the windows. The people from Fire Emblem, Tatsuya, and Tehg looked out it to see the rivers of blood flowing from seemingly nowhere as muffled screams could be heard from the distance.
"This is truly a demonic and terrifying place." Lyn says while she looks over her shoulders, scared.
"Yeah. Before we did the whole 'jumping dimensions' thing, I've come here a few times to bust some heads. I try not to stay long, though. The inner parts give me the creeps." G1 said, rubbing the back of his neck.
"Even the demon is scared of Hell?" Owain asked.
"He may be demonic in body, but he was human first Owain." Storm stated. "So were me and Johnny."
"Is that so...? Well, luckily the scion of legends is here! So have no fear devil may cry!" Owain says.
"Imma kick 'im. Imma kick 'im out the window." G1 muttered.
"Please do." Lon'qu encouraged quietly.
"May we please proceed? The less time we spend here, the better." Lucina said, unaware of the picture in Owain's possession.
"Pick whatever door you'd like, then." Nepgear said politely.
"Is this a scam? You trying to get a demon to eat us?" Lucina asks warily.
"No. No scam. This room serves as a nexus, a meeting point of various worlds. See those doors over there? Those are ones we've already been to." Vert stated, pointing to the multiple piles of rubble.
"Huh...You've been busy." Solar mutters. "Welp. Let's pick a door!" She cheers walking off in a random direction to select a door.
"Is she always like this?" Lancer asked.
"You have no idea." Tehg answered.
"Stop your yappin'! We need to pick a door too!" Cynthia shouts.
"Why don't you do it then!?" He called back to her.
"Sure!" She cheers, nodding before running off in search of a door. Both girls ended up slamming a hand against a door at the same time. It just so happens that they were directly across from each other.
""This one!"" Both doors were opened by the blue sword and the two groups moved towards their respective redhead.
"Hopefully we'll see each other later." Tehg said, turning towards his group of newfound friends.
"I get the feeling that we will, and the two voices in my head agree." G1 said. "You were in such a big rush Noire, so get moving." The girl took a deep breath and stepped into the unknown, the other members of her group following shortly after.
"Okay guys, it's time to find out where our next destination is" Tehg says, grabbing Tatsuya. "You go first and see if it has oxygen." The man in Tehg's grasp just sighs.
"And how would you know if I'm alive?"
"Good point." Tehg says pushing him through with the rest following shortly after.
We finally finished! And it only took us over a month to write a few pages of dialogue! Yep! Well it's finished and it's the end of the arc...No more suffering waiting for time in schedules! And I don't have to watch the feels. Awesome! Oh yea...We stopped just before the feels, lucky you. Lucky me? I had to try to get your unmotivated ass to do this in the first place! I had to bribe you with talking to me about Fire Emblem! It worked didn't it? Also...shhh don't tell them how to bribe me. It's a little late for that...We should wrap this up, though. If we go too long then we'll start rambling and no one wants that. Aye, no one wants that...so Tehg out. Peace!
We never actually planned on ending it like this, but things came up. So, if you're wondering why the end is clunky, then there you go.