AN: Thank you, as always, to my wonderful reviewers. I apologize for the delay once again, but I hope to get back into the swing of things once again.

A major thank you to Meg, you're the best.

Enjoy!

Chapter 26: Anywhere but Here

Today was misery
And I just can't believe this happened
And I finally broke down
She held onto my heart
But now my only star is falling
Its burning to the ground

You're all I've got right now
No one else figures out this feeling
And how lonely it can get

Lucy

A few weeks had passed since Jasper told me about his mother and all that happened to her. To be completely honest, I never would've guessed that she died of a drug overdose.

I, at most, figured that she had been sick for a long time or something to that affect. But no, her story was much more tragic than I ever could've imagined.

My heart ached for Jasper when he told me, but I tried my hardest to not pressure him into talking further about it. His belief that he wasn't good enough for his mother to live nearly shattered me though. I could never imagine how a mother could treat her own child that way and neglect him for so many years and eventually abandoning him for good.

After that afternoon, we didn't talk about his mother again. It was understandable now that I knew what really happened. Just how I hated reliving what happened to me Jasper hated mentioning his mother at all costs. Perhaps it wasn't the healthiest way to deal with things, but there really wasn't much we could do about it.

After all we all dealt with tragedy and trauma differently.

We were entering the final stretch of the academic year now which meant my mind was going to be all consumed with homework and finals for the next couple weeks. I welcomed it though. The busier I was, the less I thought about other things.

Finals hadn't even arrived and I was already stressing. I always did this time of year. Under the constant scrutiny of my parents, it was like I had to achieve perfection.

I had always been a pretty good student, never dropping below a B average, but I knew my parents wanted better. They never voiced it, but they didn't have to. I could see it in their eyes. Every B plus on a test or paper, there was a look that read 'next time you should do better.'

Silent criticism was sometimes just as saying it out loud.

However, there was one final that I was really looking forward to. Amid the study guides and note cards filled with math equations, art was the one class that didn't require any studying.

In fact, that's what our teacher decided to bring up in class today. Slipping in just before the bell rang, Jasper sat beside me and nodded at me quickly. I had just seen him at lunch, but he always made sure to say hi to me. I suppose it wasn't that big of a deal, but to me it was. Being as he was the only one who did so, who actually took the time to talk to me.

"We've done a lot this year," she began "but this is it, the final project." Half of the class groaned in protest, while the other half didn't really care. To most of them, art was nothing. It was just a requirement and nothing more.

I, however, listened to every word.

"There is only one requirement for your final and you have between now and the last day of school to submit it. All you have to do…is paint. I don't care what or how big, but I do ask you keep it to a reasonable size. Take whatever inspiration comes to you and just go with it. That's what art is all about after all. You have more than enough time to complete this and I will not accept stick figures."

My lips twisted. Yes, some students would submit that and call it art. Of course, I suppose it was art in the eyes of some, but anyone could paint if they really put their minds to it. It just took time and patience.

After she explained the final assignment, she gave us permission to start planning it out. Which, I was pretty sure that no one would be worrying about it until the day before it was due. As she walked to her desk most of the students erupted into loud conversations with their friends.

I could've done the same I suppose, but I chose not to. I decided that I would spend the rest of the class period sketching something, anything. It didn't necessarily have to be what I planned to paint for the final, just whatever popped into my mind.

It wouldn't take me long to think of something when the time came. I almost always had a hundred different ideas floating around my mind at any given moment, especially when inspiration would strike. Those were the best times, my mind overflowing with creativity.

Not that anyone cared though.

But that was fine by me. I didn't need their approval or seal of satisfaction.

I glanced over at Jasper and saw that he was mindlessly flipping through the pages of his history book. Over the months, I had come to learn that he had a love of history. Well maybe he didn't love it, but he certainly excelled in the subject.

Knowing he'd be fine with my slipping into my own little world I pulled my sketchbook and pencil out of my bag and set it on the table.

"Lots of ideas, Lucy?" Jasper looked at me, his eyes flickering from me to the book on the table.

I nodded, almost with too much excitement. "You know how much I love this." I glanced around the room, scanning the various paintings and drawings.

"Yea, you and art go hand in hand."

I smiled at his small compliment before tugging on the sleeves on my sweater. It was the middle of May and the weather had been getting warmer with each passing day. I was glad. It was nice to have a break from all the rain and dreariness that seemed to constantly surround this town.

I hadn't been planning on removing my sweater during the day, leaving me in a plain black tank top. I pulled one of my legs up, draping my arm across it as I started planning out my sketch.

For a moment I caught Jasper doing a double take of me, but I knew him well enough to not worry too much. In fact, I could feel my cheeks warm up just by him looking at me. There was something indecipherable in his eyes, something I couldn't put my finger on.

That was before I heard a low whistle coming from the table in front of us.

I raised my head, my eyes narrowing as I searched for the source.

I found it.

He was staring right back at me from his seat. Having twisted their chairs there were a group of three boys sitting, their eyes all on me.

He was in the middle and I didn't even know his name. Why would I? Not like anyone ever talked to me in this place.

I didn't say a word as I continued to watch them and vice versa. I didn't know why they were staring at me like that, but after a few moments it started to make me feel highly uncomfortable.

What did they want? Had that boy even been directing his attention towards me in the first place? If so, why was he doing that?

A moment later, I got my answer.

"Damn, he's one lucky guy if that's true."

"I still don't believe you, Ryan." The two boys on either side of the boy, whose name I now knew was Ryan, spoke lowly.

"I'm telling you, it's always the quiet ones you got to watch out for."

I blinked twice, not believing that this conversation was actually taking place no more than ten feet away from me.

"Are you sure though? I mean her dad's the local pastor isn't he?"

"Exactly," Ryan laughed "no one would ever expect good girl Lucinda to be a freak, in more ways than one."

If Jasper hadn't been paying attention to their conversation before, he sure was now. Lifting his gaze, he looked at them incredulously.

"I doubt that her parents around much and he doesn't really have anyone who cares about him, so I'm sure every day when they leave after school they go straight to her house and go at it for hours."

Anger and panic swelled in my chest and I found it hard to breathe. I couldn't believe the words coming out of his mouth.

"I'm sure they do drugs after the sex too. I mean, look at her. Little Lucinda isn't so innocent I'm telling you. Too bad he swept her up before any of us could take her for a ride."

I let out a small, strangled gasp. Howcould they say something like that about me, about Jasper? They had no right. They didn't even know us. All they were doing were starting vicious rumors.

As soon as the sound left my lips, Jasper was up and out of his seat. He wasn't quiet about his movements, but only a few people turned around to see what was going on. They all watched with anticipation, waiting to see what Jasper would do next.

I wondered if this was all some sort of joke to see how far they could push him. Did people in this school really dislike us that much that they would stoop to such a level?

"See, I told you so." Ryan turned to his friends, as if Jasper's reaction was some sort of confirmation. "He's totally fucking her."

My eyes doubled in size I'm sure. I had guessed what they had been implying, but to actually hear the words was beyond infuriating. It hurt deeply, having them speak in such way about me.

When there was no movement or words being thrown back at Ryan, I hesitantly glanced up, my hand all but ready to take Jasper's when I saw his expression.

The look on his face was one of pure hatred and fear. I was scared of what he would do. We were so close to being done with school that it would be a shame for Jasper to get in some sort of trouble, especially over something that wasn't true.

After what happened earlier this year in the cafeteria, I knew that he was probably walking on thin ice.

I didn't want him getting in anymore trouble because of me, it just wasn't worth it.

He cursed under his breath as he watched the boys turn and completely change topics. "He had no right. No fucking right."

"Jasper," I began, my voice wavering, but didn't get the chance to finish. He was out of the classroom before I could blink. He just got up and walked out, but our teacher didn't say anything. She was too consumed in her own little world again.

I sat at our table for ten minutes before I couldn't take it anymore. Jasper hadn't returned and I was getting worried. I wasn't worried that he was defacing school property, but rather was scared that he was out there somewhere alone without someone to help him.

I got out of my chair, slipped my sweater back on before slowly walking over to our professor. When she eventually saw me, she pursed her lips as she stared at me.

"Can I go outside for some fresh air? I'm not feeling too good."

She looked at me questioningly, peering around me towards our table. All my things were still there so it wasn't like I was going to leave campus or anything.

"Fine Miss Ramirez," She sighed dramatically. "Oh, and if you see Jasper, tell him he needs to come back to class."

I nodded. So I guess she did see him, but maybe she didn't care. Which, that was both good and bad.

I walked outside the classroom and glanced down the hallway. There was no sign of him and that worried me. Tugging on the sleeves of my sweater, I started walking further out until I eventually found myself outside.

The spring air hit me, the sun warming me as I continued my search. When the set of tables near the cafeteria turned up empty, I decided to try the parking lot. If his car was gone then I knew he'd be too. I hoped that wasn't the case though.

As I rounded the corner, walking down the outdoor corridor towards the parking lot I spotted him walking slowly.

I quickened my pace, my flats making enough sound to get him to turn around when I was closer. He did it quickly and I stopped when his gaze met mine.

Even from where I was I could see that his eyes were wild and frantic. Taking a deep breath I took slow, deliberate steps towards him.

I didn't know what to tell him. Did I ask if he was okay? No, probably not. That would only upset him more.

I had no idea what to say and soon enough I was standing right in front of him.

"I'm fine Lucy." His monotone voice frightened me, but the emotions that flickered in his eyes told me he was anything but fine.

"No," I stepped closer "you're not."

"You should go back to class."

"I don't want to." I crossed my arms over my chest lightly. "And you can't make me." I felt pleased with the surge of confidence I now had.

"I don't want to talk about it." He continued to try and shut me out, but I wasn't going to let up so quickly.

"We don't have to."

"Then what are you doing out here?" His voice was short and caught me off guard. I didn't answer him right away and he was suddenly turning away and walking towards his car.

"No, wait!" I squeaked, not used to my voice going so high. "I just…I didn't want you to be alone."

That stopped him, but he didn't turn back around. Instead I watched as his shoulders slumped, his head lowering a fraction. I took the opportunity to catch up with him again, completely unaware that my hand was reaching out towards him until it came to a rest on his back.

He stiffened when I touched him and I felt myself tense as well. I knew my reasoning, but I didn't understand his. Did he not want me to be this close to him? I could understand if he didn't. Deciding to back up a little bit, I had barely moved my hand when he turned around.

Hand no longer on his back it was now planted firmly on his chest. Much to both our surprise I didn't move away. His hands took to their own accord after a moment, one of them resting on top of mine while the other brushed some of my hair back from my face.

My heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest in both fear and anticipation.

Other than Jasper, no boy has ever shown this kind of interest in me. Always trying to desperately block out the memories of what happened to me four years ago, it didn't work in my favor this time and the fear ultimately beat the fraction of excitement that fluttered in my body.

With his hand on my cheek, I saw the confliction when I shyly met his gaze. I knew what he was thinking and I wasn't sure if he would act on it. I hoped he wouldn't though. I could already feel myself beginning to tremble with anxiety and I didn't want to upset him anymore.

He ultimately chose to go for it. He chose to try and kiss me.

His head lowered and when his lips were only a few centimeters from mine, I felt a lump rising in my throat. I didn't want to do this, but my mind was telling my otherwise.

At that very second it wasn't Jasper who I was seeing. No, all I saw was a boy who was very much capable of hurting me.

Just as they were about to graze mine, I turned my head quickly so all I felt was him touching was my cheek. Though there was an undeniable jolt of electricity that went through me, it quickly faded into the background as it was replaced with fear.

"Shit." He cursed under his breath, but didn't let me go. I didn't know if that meant he was angry with me, himself or if he was just angry at the world.

I shook my head. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you more."

"You didn't make me angry, I'm angry with myself for acting like a complete idiot."

I couldn't let him think that way of himself. "No you're not. It's just that…well…" I couldn't form the words to tell him. What could I tell him that I hadn't before?

"I know Lucy. I know and yet I keep trying to do it."

Words still weren't coming to me so I did the one thing I know would get my point across to show I wasn't mad at him and that I still trusted him in my own way.

I moved my hands slightly, wrapping my arms around him with hesitation. When I didn't feel like my body was going to explode from panic, I realized that things were okay.

"You underestimate your strength Lucy" His arms were around me now, holding me as close as he could without crossing any boundaries.

Though I felt good over this revelation, I knew that I wasn't here for that. I was here to make sure he was okay and didn't deal with this on his own.

"So do you." He pulled away from me, looking down at me with curious eyes.

"What the fuck?"

I frowned at his tone of language, but as always wasn't bothered by it. "You could've really hurt that guy Jasper. I could see it in your eyes…you wanted to cause him a lot of pain, but you didn't."

His lips twisted for the briefest of moments before answering. "You're right. I wanted to beat the shit out of him, but I didn't. I couldn't…" his grip tightened for a moment "because I knew it would upset you, cause you some sort of pain. And nothing, not even giving that guy what he deserved, would be worth hurting you."

"You…you did it because of me?"

He gave me a knowing look. "Don't look so surprised Lucy. I'm sure it's no secret how I feel about you."

It was my turn to step further away from him, his arms no longer wrapped safely around me.

"We talked about this Jasper." I whispered. "I told you…I can't."

"I know, but that doesn't change how I feel."

"And just what do you feel towards me?" I knew it was a stupid question and the second the words left my lips I was instantly regretting it. "You know what, I don't want to know. I just wanted to make sure that you were…I mean that you weren't alone out here. I didn't want you getting into any kind of trouble."

"Do I look like a delinquent?"

I shook my head.

"Don't worry Lucy, I'm not that stupid. I'm already on fucking thin ice with these people since that day I kicked that guy's ass."

"Something else you did for me." I felt the guilt creep in my voice. "You really shouldn't. You could get in serious trouble Jasper."

"You just don't get it do you?"

I tilted my head, biting my lip. "No, I don't think I do." This wasn't something new though. I almost always had a hard time keeping up with Jasper.

"If someone so much as looks at you in the wrong way, I'm not going to just sit by and let them. Even back then when I didn't really know you, it killed me to see that fucker touch you like that. And then now…" he stopped when he saw my expression change.

"Now that you know about the rape, you feel even more inclined to defend me." I finished his statement and when he didn't disagree right away I knew that was what he was going to say.

He nodded his head slowly. "What do you want me to say Lucy? You honestly think that after hearing something like that I'm going to keep acting like nothing happened?"

"No, I suppose you wouldn't. It's just…I don't need you treating me differently. You're the only person I know who treats me relatively normal. I need some normal in my life."

"I'm not normal, I'm fucked."

I shook my head. "You're normal to me."

I was positive that this conversation could've gone back and forth for another hour or so, neither of us wanting to believe the other. Thankfully, the bell ringing ended the conversation in my favor. Students slowly started to file out of their classrooms, casting glances at Jasper and I as we stood there in the middle of the walkway.

"See," I looked around "I'm just looking for some normal."

"Yea, yea." He stepped closer, an arm around my shoulders. "Let's get the hell out of here."

We walked back towards our now empty classroom, our teacher waiting impatiently for us to get our things and leave. We separated in the hallway, Jasper going to his car and me to my locker to swap my books for the ones I needed to do homework. Now that the end of the year was approaching, teachers were throwing papers and projects at us left and right. I didn't really mind it though. It at least gave me something to while I was at home instead of sitting around and doing nothing.

I was really eager to get home and start on this art project though. Art was my haven, yet another sense of normalcy. I could be myself, paint whatever I wanted and no one could tell me anything about it. It was freedom of expression after all.

I made my way out towards the parking lot, passing a group of girls on the way. By the way they were staring at me it was obvious that they were talking about me.

"What does he see in her anyways?" One of them asked, the rest of the group snickering in agreement.

"She has nothing to offer him, so I don't know why he's even wasting his time."

"I don't know," another one spoke "maybe what they were saying in art was true. You never know with girls like her."

I cast my eyes downward as I walked by them, feeling rather pathetic that I didn't have the strength to go up to those girls and tell them something. I don't know what I would say to them, but they needed to stop talking about me that way. I knew that girls could be cruel, but I had never done anything to them. Hell, I didn't even know them. If they were jealous about something, then someone needed to set them straight. They didn't have anything to be jealous about. Sure Jasper may like me, but nothing was ever going to come out of it. I was too damaged to handle something like that.

I really wish I could handle it though. As much as my mind tried to tell me otherwise, I couldn't deny the obvious pull there was between the two of us. I don't know why it was there, but it was. It was even stronger now that we knew each other's stories of what happened in the past.

Though different, what happened to us was tragic and changed us for the worse it would seem.

I think what happened to Jasper's mother was extremely heartbreaking. I could never imagine life without my mother. Crazy as she was, I still loved her dearly. I didn't know how he dealt with it, losing a family member.

When he opened the door for me, I smiled in spite of all the confusion I felt. Getting in on the other side, we left the school immediately, his car pulling out of the parking lot with determined speed.

Due to his driving, we reached my house in nearly half the time. I was both relieved and disappointed. Even when we didn't say anything, I enjoyed the comfortable silence that filled the car sometimes, the occasional hum of the radio being the only background noise.

Pulling up in front of my house, I was gathering all my things when I heard the engine shut off. Pausing I glanced over at Jasper, but he wasn't looking at me. Instead he was looking over towards my house with a peculiar look on his face.

"What's wrong?" I looked between him and my house. Had he seen something?

He shook his head. "Can I, uh, come in?"

"Um, yes…of course. Come on." I didn't know why he wanted to come inside, but I sure as hell wasn't going to tell him no.

I quickly pulled out my keys and let the both of us inside the house.

Tossing my things on one of the couches, I watched as Jasper went to sit on the other, taking deep breaths as he buried his head in his hands.

I knew he was upset, but I wasn't sure how to approach him. Even if he wasn't mad at me, one wrong move or statement could change all that. And the last thing I wanted was for him to be angry with me.

He was already angry over something that was said about me and I didn't want to add to that.

After a minute, I decided to leave him alone for a few minutes while I headed into the kitchen. I searched around the refrigerator, grabbing things to fix up a sandwich quickly. I was always making Jasper sandwiches it seemed, but it was the only thing I could make fast that'd taste good.

Throwing everything in between the bread I cut it in half, grabbed two bottles of water and headed back into the living room.

He was still sitting on the couch, but now he was looking around the room with curiosity.

"I brought you something to eat," I handed him the plate "you don't have to eat it if you don't want."

I sat beside him, taking a quick drink from the water bottle and set it on the table and waited for him to say something, anything.

He took a few bites, setting the plate on table after a minute or two. He turned to face me, his eyes seemingly searching for something in my own.

It made me a little nervous. "What is it?"

"Please tell me you didn't believe what that asshole said?"

I shrugged. "People talk Jasper, it's nothing."

"You didn't answer my question."

"Why would I believe him? I know the truth and so do you. I'm not too worried about it and neither should you."

"You're right he's not worth it, none of them are." He shifted, leaning back on the couch and closing his eyes. "I hope you don't think it's weird that I wanted to come inside."

I shook my head, but he didn't see me.

"I just…when I'm around you, the anger isn't so dominant."

"I, um, thanks?" I didn't know how to respond to that, my reaction a mere stammer. "I'm just trying to be a good friend, especially if it's because of me you're getting angry over."

He snickered, mumbling something under his breath.

I was about to question him, but the phone ringing prevented me from doing so. I stood, crossing the room to pick it up. I thought it was odd that someone would be calling right now. No one ever did.

"Hello?" I held the phone to my ear as I walked back to the couch.

"Lucinda," the voice on the other end startled me, causing me to almost drop the phone.

"Carlos? Are…what's wrong?" I was quick to ask him. My brother never called here.

He took a deep breath. "Nada Lucinda. Can't I call my little sister to see how she's doing?"

"Yes, but you never do that. What's wrong?" I asked again.

"Nothing, I was thinking about you and figured I'd call you to see who you were doing before mom and dad got back home."

I still wasn't convinced, but let him slide. "I'm doing ok, school's almost over."

"I'm sure you're going to pass with straight A's…my little nerd. I'm proud of you."

"Yea, right, I wish."

"So," he hedged "what are your plans for the summer?"

"Um, I don't know. Why?"

"Just wondering if you guys were planning a trip down here this summer?"

"I don't think so Carlos, they haven't said anything."

"Oh, okay then." He seemed disappointed, but something behind his tone sounded like relief.

"Maybe you can come visit me though? It'd be nice to see my big brother for a week or so."

"I don't know Lucinda. I've got a lot going on right now."

"Oh," my disappointment was genuine.

"Hey, is your friend there?" He changed the subject on me, his words now somewhat rushed.

"Who?"

"That guy…what's his name?"

"Jasper? You want to talk to Jasper?" That was rather odd.

"Yea him, is he there?"

"Actually he is." I looked over at Jasper who had the same look of confusion on his face. "You want to talk to him?" I repeated.

"Pues, that's what I said Lucinda." He laughed quickly.

"Um, sure hang on a second."

"Gracias. Oh and Lucinda," He called me just before I handed the phone to Jasper "I love you."

I clutched the phone a little tighter. "I…I love you too, Carlos." I gave the phone to Jasper and watched as he talked to my brother for no more than three minutes. I had no idea what Carlos was telling him and Jasper was only responded with either yes or no. It gave me nothing and before I knew it their conversation was over, Jasper handing the phone back to me.

"What was that all about?"

Jasper just shook his head. "He wanted to make sure I was treating you right."

That didn't make sense. "That's all?"

He nodded. "That's it."

I didn't like the tone of Jasper's voice either. It was like he was aware of something and wasn't going to tell me.

Knowing he wouldn't tell me anymore, I set the phone beside the half eaten sandwich and water bottle. I turned back towards him, frowning at the look on his face. I leaned forward, barely touching his cheek with my hand.

It amazed me the way I could do this without completely losing it. For once in my life, even though I felt afraid, I wasn't breaking.

Not wanting to push myself, I removed my hand soon after, the two of us seeming to miss the contact. I didn't completely move away from him though. In fact, I moved closer and rested my head against his arm that was draped over the couch.

It was a bit of an odd position, but it seemed to work.

"Good?" The word was a mere whisper, but he heard me loud and clear.

I wasn't sure what I was talking about and neither did he apparently.

"Everything's fine Lucy." He reassured me. Reassurance over what I wasn't quite sure.

The only thing I was certain of was at this very moment, sitting next to the only person who knew me better than my own family, I felt safe.

When I was with Jasper, I knew no harm could come to me.

Yes he was my friend, but with each passing day that seemed to change into something more.

Though I wasn't sure if I could ever allow it to progress further, at least our friendship was still intact.

I just hoped that this annoying, panic inducing feeling in the pit of my stomach would go away soon.

Maybe, if God decided to play in my favor, this sense of normalcy would last for awhile.

That's all I wanted, all I needed.

I think that these two are slowly reaching the same page, but they aren't quite there yet. Will they ever get to that point? We shall see.

Reviews are love & they keep me inspired.