Bad Romance
Chapter 22: Still
Perspectives in Bold.
Time changes in Italics.
Music:
Songs mentioned, referred, or themed to:
Still by Daughter
Disclaimer: I do not own MGLN or any of its characters.
A/N: So this chapter jumps from two days after Hayate's wedding. Then 3 months after Hayate's wedding. Then 5 months after Hayate's wedding. With a few days in between.
One year and a half years ago...
Normal
Forest green eyes observed the rise and fall of a naked chest. Pale fingers slowly dance over a toned abdomen. They traced and retraced invisible paths into the warm canvas. A particularly long sigh drew the attention of the artist.
Those green pools brightened as blurry blue eyes revealed themselves. A warm hand cradled her wandering hand, bringing a smile to the artist's face.
"Mornin'." Blue eyes cleared with the gruff greeting.
"Morning," the artist replied with smile. "Did I wake you?"
The question brought a grin to the blue-eyed woman's face. "Wasn't that your goal, love?"
"You sleep too much, sweetheart."
Blue eyes narrowed at the accusation. "You would be sleeping too if you didn't have to study."
"Maybe," mischief danced in green orbs, "Did I wear you out last night?"
Seconds after the jab, the blonde tease found herself laying on her back. Warm breath assaulted her ear as the blue-eyed woman growled, "I believe you passed out first, love." To punctuate the statement, teeth nipped at the exposed bruise on her collar-bone. An unbidden moan slipped from the blonde's lips. The attacker pulled away and inspected the fresh bruise.
"Does it say 'Signum's Property'?" The blonde asked with a grin.
"The short version." With a chaste kiss, she rolled onto her side to face the blonde.
"If it isn't obvious, I am hoping you continue."
Signum chuckled, "Oh, I know." She entwined their hands and left them on her girlfriend's bare abdomen. "I've been thinking about Alisa's offer."
Shamal raised an inquisitive eyebrow at the topic. "And?"
"I'm going to take it. Working at the store is okay, but you know it's not my thing."
Shamal nodded her agreement. "So what will you be doing?"
"According to Alisa, I'll be working as her or her father's personal guard. And I'll also be the security coordinator's assistant. They want me to sign a long-term contract. I'll be rotated in their security department." Signum lifted one shoulder then let it fall, "It will be good experience."
Shamal nodded again. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah." Signum squeezed the pale hand in her own. "What do you think?"
Green eyes looked down at their intertwined hands. "Is that really what you want to do?"
"What do you mean?"
Shamal returned her gaze to Signum's questioning blue eyes. "Is that really what you want to do? Or do you want to try for the Academy?"
Signum frowned, then asked, "If I want to be an officer?"
"Yes."
Her frown deepened, "No. I gave up on that a while ago. Why?"
It was Shamal's turn to narrow her eyes, "You were pretty determined to be an officer."
"I was. But I don't want that anymore. I thought you didn't want me to be a cop anyways."
Shamal pursed her lips. "Yes." She sighed, "But I don't want you to do something you don't want to do."
"Yes and I don't want to be a cop."
Shamal withdrew her hand from Signum's hold. "You were set on being an officer. Now you're not even thinking about it."
Signum sighed. "Yes."
"Then why were you set on it?"
Instead of answering, Signum dodged, "Why were you against it?"
There was a second of hesitation before Shamal replied matter-of-factly, "Because you're everything. You're home to me." The words caused the other woman to smile. "You are a part of me."
"And you're a part of me."
Shamal nodded, "I'm scared of being without you. Of losing us. You've been there for me. Good and bad."
Signum grabbed Shamal's hand and squeezed. She stared at the ceiling. "You know it's the same for me." She sighed, deciding on honesty. "I didn't want to be a cop, but it seemed like the easiest choice. I wanted to get a stable job and support you. Us. And that was the best way to do it at the time."
"Signum..."
"I know." Blue eyes finally met green. "You don't need me to support you. But I don't like the idea of relying on your mom or your inheritance. It doesn't feel right."
"Signum." Shamal leveled the other woman with a reprimanding stare. "Don't be stupid." Signum's retort was cut off. "We support each other, and I want you to do what makes you happy. I'm doing what I want and you should do the same."
Blue eyes rolled. "I know now."
"Better." Shamal curled into her girlfriend's side. "Stupid." The blonde mumbled into Signum's arm. Signum shook her head, if anyone else had called her that they would not walk away unharmed.
Shamal broke the peaceful silence between them a few minutes later. "So you're sure, you don't want to be an officer?"
"Definitely not."
"You wouldn't pass the psychology test anyways."
"Hey!" Signum poked the blonde in the ribs.
Shamal laughed. "And you got that speeding ticket the other day."
Signum frowned. "Not a ticket, a warning. That was a set-up. I was driving down a hill and the speed limit suddenly changed."
Shamal lifted herself up on her elbow to look down on Signum. "Face it sweetheart. You are just not officer material."
Shamal's cocky grin, quickly faded. She couldn't get out of Signum's range fast enough. Soon the blonde found herself laughing uncontrollably as Signum attacked all of her ticklish spots.
Soon the fingers ceased their assault, instead starting a different kind of sensory attack. Knowing hands caressed and massaged. Laughter turned into moans.
Suddenly, the doorbell echoed through their otherwise silent apartment. Signum ignored the interruption. Again the bell sounded through the apartment.
Shamal sighed, while Signum groaned. "She has the worst timing."
The blonde laughed and started to roll out of bed. "She's your best friend."
"Some friend." Signum grumbled. "Don't go," she tried to grab her girlfriend's arm, "she can wait."
Shamal removed her hand. "Come on. You need to get up and I need to go to school."
"She's definitely going to buy me lunch."
Some time later...
"I can't believe you opened the door naked."
"I wasn't naked. I had a robe on."
"It was open."
"That is what you get for interrupting us." Signum shrugged.
"I came a half-an-hour late just because."
"What is done is done. Do not be so dramatic." Burgundy eyes rolled at her stoic friend. "So when do you go back to Mid-Childa?"
"Tonight." Signum nodded and lifted another sushi roll with her chopsticks.
"Tell Kaya I say hello."
"Yep."
"I'm quitting my job." Golden blonde eyebrows shot up at the abrupt confession. "I'm taking a job offer from Alisa and her dad."
"What will you be doing?" Signum proceeded to tell Fate the gist of the position. "Sounds like you."
"Yeah." The two ate in relative silence, sharing thoughts here and there about their lives.
"So, what's up?" Signum asked.
"What do you mean?"
Signum narrowed her eyes on the blonde sitting across from her. "You seem distracted."
"Just thinking. I heard my mothers' story yesterday. It was – something." Fate gave Signum the summarized version.
"Wow."
"That's what I said."
"Any idea why they held off on telling you?"
Fate's shoulders rose and fell. "They never gave me a straight answer. I think they were worried about how I would handle all of it." The blonde fell silent, staring at her glass of water.
"And they wanted you to gain something from it?"
"I guess."
Signum kicked her friend in the shin. "Don't think too hard. It won't help."
Fate rolled her eyes. "Thanks."
The two friends finished their lunch. They spent the afternoon window shopping and exchanging playful jokes at each other's expense. Later that night as the airplane departed Uminari, Fate again lost herself in reliving her mothers' tale.
One Year and Three Months Ago... Early March
"Hey Fate, can you pass me the..." The bottle of white wine Kaya was about to ask for was placed in her waiting hand. "Thanks." She offered the blonde a grateful smile. Her chocolate eyes lingered on her girlfriend for a moment. Nothing had changed between them. Yet something felt slightly different. She did her best to quiet her fears, but her insecurity was an unmanageable virus.
"So I was thinking..." Kaya started, but was interrupted by an incessant buzzing. Fate grabbed her phone to silence the vibrations against the kitchen countertop.
"What were you saying?"
"It's okay. Go ahead." Kaya nodded to the cell, indicating Fate should answer.
She did as told. Kaya listened in on the one-sided conversation.
"Hey Ma, what's going on?" From the title, Kaya knew it was Lindy on the other-side of the call.
Fate was quiet for a long moment. Her next words were spoken with haste and an edge of an emotion that made Kaya turn around to face Fate. "I'll be there as soon as I can." The blonde paused, but interrupted Lindy, "No. I'm coming home." Kaya quickly turned off the stove so she could focus on an obviously distraught Fate.
She waited patiently for Fate to finish her call. Even after the blonde ended the call, she silently stared at the phone as if it were an illusion.
"Fate," she gently coaxed. She laid a warm hand on Fate's, trying to gain her attention.
Finally burgundy eyes landed on her. They were hollow, staring through her instead of at her. "My grandma died." Fate murmured as if trying out the words and finding them unbelievable.
Kaya was momentarily immobilized by the direct confession. She finally overcame her shock and embraced Fate in a tight hug. The blonde slowly returned the embrace. Kaya felt her pain, yet the blonde did not cry. She held tightly onto Kaya, staring at the kitchen wall.
A few days later...
Fate sat in the living room beside Amy, Chrono, and Kaya. They were all silent. Lost in their own thoughts. She was grateful for the quiet that filled the room. The past few days had been difficult to say the least. During her life, her mom and her uncle rarely cried. Those rare moments always filled her with a sympathetic ache. They left her feeling helpless to stop their tears. That scene greeted when she arrived home a few days ago.
It broke her heart to see the two normally upbeat and playful siblings crying in the living room. Lindy and Chrono were doing their best to comfort the two, but the loss was heavy on them as well.
She took over for Lindy, holding her mom while Precia trembled in her arms. Fate controlled her own grief, striving to be strong for her mom.
Two days ago, Precia had stopped crying. With a sad smile she told Fate that Felicia wouldn't be pleased to find her daughter crying like a baby. With a short laugh, she admitted Felicia would whack her over the head and tell her it wasn't the Testarossa way.
A tan hand grabbed her own, breaking Fate from her reverie. She turned to Kaya and smiled. Fate abruptly left the morning after the phone call and Kaya flew in two days later. They filed out of their family home, headed to the church.
The ride was quiet, solemn. Family, friends, and neighbors came to pay their respects. Shiro and Momoko helped with the service and catered the repast for after the funeral. After people had viewed her Nana, they would give their condolences to Fate, Precia, and Jail. Fate felt the process become mechanical. She grew numb to seeing her grandmother with that serene look. Her face was set to mimic sleep.
Fate felt her smile became reactionary. Wine red eyes did not show the gratitude she spoke aloud. They were glossy mirrors, reflecting the emotions of those around her. Deeper though, behind the reflective surface laid her grief building, mounting as she absorbed the sadness around her.
Fate smiled sadly and thanked the older woman who was her grandmother's friend. Burgundy eyes searched for the next person she would fake a smile for. That crafted look faded away like the leaves in the fall. Her bare emotions opened to the woman before her.
"I'm sorry for your loss." Her mechanical movements stiffened. Instead of taking the hands offered to her, the young woman clasped her cold hands in a warm embrace. Her chest tightened as her gaze was captured by compassionate sapphire pools.
She looked down at their joined hands. Her eyelids held fast, trying their best to hold back the sudden tidal wave of emotions surging to break free. "Thank you, Nanoha." She murmured and dared another look into those melancholy blue depths. The auburn beauty gave a slight nod, squeezed her hands, and released her.
Fate swallowed and turned to the next person in the procession. She resumed her act as if she had not lost control under a sapphire spell.
In a blur, Fate found herself standing beside a six-foot hole in the ground. As if from an outsider's body, she watched as she laid a white rose on the oak casket. It was early spring, the air held a slight chill and the trees were gradually returning to life.
Fate looked up from the sinking coffin. She found sad blue eyes. Distantly she heard her mom crying beside Lindy. She knew Jail was silently weeping. Chrono was squeezing Amy's hand to stop the tears from falling. It didn't work. But all she saw was sapphire dyed sympathy. She saw pale cheeks streaked with tears she wouldn't let herself release.
In that same distant way she heard her mother ask for everyone to join them at Midori-ya café for the repast. Most mourners wandered away. Some headed to the café. Others went home.
She felt the gentle tug on her forearm before she actually heard Kaya. "Fate?"
Summoning another sad smile, she faced Kaya. "You should go with my mom. I'll catch up later. I just – I just –." She didn't finish her sentence as Kaya gave her hand a firm squeeze.
"I understand," the brown-haired girl smiled that self-deprecating smile Fate had come to recognize over the past few days. It told Fate that Kaya didn't understand. She did not understand why Fate hadn't cried. Why Fate kept her arm's length? Why she was hiding from her? But Kaya chose not to push. Fate chose not to answer.
Fate watched her girlfriend leave with her mothers. Teal eyes caught her red ones, exuding a strange light of understanding for which she was grateful.
She stared at the grave a few moments longer then turned away. Her legs took her from the grave to a gravestone beneath the shade of trees. It was on the outer edge of the cemetery. She kneeled to place a white rose in the empty vase beside the dark granite stone. Absently, her pointer finger traced the engraved 'N'.
She stood again, hands tucked into her black wool coat. The squish of the wet ground alerted her to the upcoming approach of another. She felt the eyes on her face. A slightly cold hand held her own. "It's okay to cry," the gentle tone shook her to the core as if it were a crash of thunder.
Reflexively, her long pale fingers tightened around the ones holding her. The earlier tightness in her chest returned. Burgundy sought out sapphire. Those deep blue depths shone with familiarity and comfort. Nanoha slowly raised her free hand as if she were approaching a wild animal.
"It's okay." She whispered as she cupped Fate's cheek.
At the words, Fate felt the grief she kept under control slip away from her grasp. Her breathe became short and her eyes burned as two tears finally slid down her pale cheeks. Nanoha pulled her close, wrapping her arms around the blonde's quaking frame. The vet held her tight as Fate buried her face in Nanoha's neck, releasing the pain she held inside for the past week.
Nanoha recognized the grief deep in those murky red eyes at the church. She saw Fate's dazed expression as if she were only half present. Her blue eyes saw the strain in their earlier interaction. So when everyone else left, when Fate wandered off by herself, instinct told her to follow.
Nanoha did not know the reasons the blonde chose to hold in all of her tears. Nor did she understand why Fate chose to let go in her presence. As Fate clung to her, the reasons didn't seem important.
While Nanoha held her tight Fate released her pent up sorrow. She cried for her Nana. She mourned for the woman who would scold her for being a klutz and scraping her knee, then gave her ice cream. She cried for the woman who would let her stay up late to watch Disney movies while her moms worked late. She grieved for the woman who wore a frown while she slept. She wept for the strong, brusque woman she called her Nana.
And while she poured out her heart, Nanoha kept her upright. Nanoha saw right through her. Past her facade. The auburn beauty saw her sorrow and unlike the others, she gently coaxed it out of the blonde.
Finally her tears began to subside. Her rapid short breaths turned longer, slower. "Sorry," Fate mumbled into a pale neck.
"It's okay," Nanoha mimicked the soft voice.
Nanoha pulled away to look into the puffy, tear-swollen eyes. She leaned into the warm cradle of Nanoha's hand on her cheek. In the aftermath of her overwhelming emotions, she felt relaxed and free.
In such a state she felt herself sink into those sapphire pools staring intently at her. And she sank. Deeper. And deeper. Until cloaked in a warm darkness. Fate realized the darkness meant warm lips. They moved in a familiar rhythm with her own. It was a slow and practiced dance, known and beautiful.
Then she broke the surface again. The chilly air of March brought her back to reality. The reality that Nanoha pushed her away. Nanoha who moments ago stared at her with compassion and care now stared at her with distress. She quickly caught on, "Nanoha I –"
"Don't." The broken beauty held up her hand to ward off any words Fate might say. "We can't, Fate. I can't." Nanoha abruptly turned away, leaving her alone in the middle of the graveyard.
Fate ground her teeth. She cursed herself. She buried her face in her hands, hoping she to bury her stupidity there as well. But when she lifted her head again, she was still in the graveyard. She was standing in a light drizzle of rain. And worst yet, she still kissed the woman who kindly comforted her. The woman she hoped to never hurt again, she hurt.
Fifteen minutes later...
Nanoha checked her hair in the rear-view mirror for the third time. She promised her parents she would help with the repast. But now she was hoping for an excuse to leave.
After several deep breaths she managed to contain her nerves and enter her family café. Despite her initial fears, the busy-work of serving others kept her mind preoccupied. That was until she noticed Fate's girlfriend headed her way.
Kaya wasn't blind. She normally would push and press for someone to give into her. But with Fate she had grown afraid that if she pushed too much the blonde would close up and shut her out. The past few days she had tried her best to be supportive. She tried to pull more out of Fate, who seemed to become a dry well of emotions.
Fate closed off. But Kaya wasn't blind. Kaya didn't miss the way Fate trembled in the presence of woman Kaya didn't know. She didn't miss how those sapphire eyes cut through burgundy walls. She didn't miss the flicker of familiarity. She didn't miss those things, but she also didn't need to acknowledge them.
She casually watched the sapphire-eyed woman move around the café. After a while she recognized the woman from some pictures of Fate's Uminari friends. Though she did not remember Fate ever saying more than a few words about the woman. She vaguely recalled her name being Nanoha.
As she stared, part of her wanted to know more about the stranger. While a greater part of her had no desire to know anything about the other woman. Somehow her feet led her to the bakery counter the woman was diligently working behind.
"Hi." Kaya abruptly started.
Blue eyes went wide as they met her own. They were filled with mild surprise then faded into curiosity, "Hi. You're Fate's girlfriend, Kaya."
"Yes. And you're Nanoha, right? Fate's friend." Kaya waved off the information as if meaningless.
To her surprise Nanoha grinned as if Kaya's words were an inside joke. Kaya didn't find anything funny about her words. "I doubt she said 'friend'."
She saw this as her opportunity to fish, "Well I just assumed you were family friends."
Again that knowing grin appeared. "Not quite. Our families were actually enemies for a long time. This," Nanoha pointed to her an older brown-haired woman talking to Precia, "is a fairly new development."
"Oh. So you and Fate were..."
"Enemies for a while." Nanoha said as she loaded two trays with more cookies. "We had mutual friends."
Kaya nodded as if accepting the answer. Then she noticed those blue eyes flicker to over her shoulder. As she was about to turn around an arm wrapped around her waist. She looked to her side to find burgundy eyes staring into her chocolate ones.
Her smile turned into a frown, catching sight of Fate's puffy eyes. "Are you okay?"
Fate smiled gratefully at her concern, "I'm better." The blonde turned her attention to the woman behind the counter. Her chocolate gaze lingered on the blonde's features, searching for any signs. Signs of what, she didn't know. Or rather did not want to consider. "Nanoha."
"Fate." The mutual greeting was impersonal, distant.
"Thank you for helping," Fate nodded to the table with food.
"You're welcome." The exchange was slightly warmer than their greeting.
"How's Kaho?"
"Good. She's good." Nanoha smiled then looked at the table of desserts. "I better take these out there. Excuse me."
Fate simply nodded and turned her attention back to Kaya. "What?"
"Whose Kaho?"
"Her girlfriend."
"Oh." Kaya continued to stare at Fate.
Blonde eyebrows drew together in a frown. "What?"
Kaya searched for the emotions she witnessed earlier. She found nothing. "It's nothing." And that was what her suspicions had wrought. Perhaps those exchanges between Fate and Nanoha were in her imagination. At least that was what they would remain. Imaginary, non-existent exchanges.
One year and one month ago... May
Kaya pressed the power button on the television remote. Surprised by the black screen, burgundy eyes shifted to the brown-haired woman. Kaya didn't meet the inquiring gaze.
"Kaya?"
"I can't do this."
Blonde eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "What?"
Pained chocolate eyes finally met a red gaze. "I can't be the only one giving to this relationship."
"I don't understand."
Kaya gritted her teeth in frustration though it quickly melted into sadness, "Of course not. You don't understand because you are somewhere else. You aren't with me."
"I..."
Kaya quickly interrupted. "Physically, you're here. But this," she pointed to her temple, "and this," Kaya pressed her palm to her heart, "they aren't here." She shook her head, "I'll ask you a question, multiple times, and you don't answer. So I give up asking." Kaya looked away from those confused red eyes. "I've made excuses for you. Told myself that you were still mourning. Told myself that you were worried about your thesis. But it's two weeks after graduation and you are still not here with me."
"Kaya, I–I didn't... I'm sorry."
Said woman released a heavy sigh. "I know. But that doesn't change anything, Fate. I need to know you are with me. And not," she paused, uncertain of her next words, "with someone else."
The words sent a jolt through Fate. "Kaya, there's nobody else. I'm sorry I haven't been more attentive. I've just been... caught up in my head. I'm sorry."
Kaya desperately wanted to believe those pleading red eyes. But doubt lingered in her heart and shone through her eyes. "I need you to be here, Fate. I can't keep trying to make this work by myself."
"I know. I'll be here. I promise."
"Are you sure there isn't someone else?"
A faint smile rose to Fate's lips, "I'm sure."
Kaya only nodded. "You'll try?"
"Yes." The blonde pressed a lingering kiss to her lips and held her tightly. But a chill had seeped into Kaya's skin and the embrace did nothing to rid the cold from her heart. It was a lonely hug. They laid together that night with no physical barriers between them. It was the last time.
Six days later...
The keys jangled in the lock. The door creaked open in that scraping way. Fresh air carried in the scent of spring and the familiar fragrance of coconut. Fate's heartbeat slowed, the heavy rhythmic thuds reverberated through her body. It was painful. It was fitting as the next moments would be excruciating.
"Fate I..." The remaining words died in Kaya's throat. A chocolate gaze moved over the suitcases beside Fate. "So this is you trying?"
"I'm sorry, Kaya." Fate started.
"Don't." The brown-haired woman raised her hand. "Just don't. I'm surprised you had the decency to do this in person."
A heavy sigh escaped the blonde, "Kaya."
"Just leave." Kaya looked away from those sad red eyes. To her, the other woman had no reason to give her that look. No reason to look like this was breaking her heart too. "I hope you're happy with her."
"There's no one else."
Kaya rolled her eyes. It was a convenient lie for the both of them. "Go, Fate."
"Kaya," said woman did not look up. "I paid my half of the next two months rent." Still Kaya did not look up. Fate continued. "You deserve better. Take care."
The brown-eyed woman felt Fate come closer. "I deserved you," she whispered. Her words were only answered by a feather-light kiss to her cheek and the lock of the door clicking into place. Silence filled the small apartment. Empty and hollow as she felt inside. She lost Fate to a ghost. Or perhaps she never had Fate at all. Whatever it was, it did not matter. At the end all she had was an empty apartment and a broken heart.
Fate stared out the window of her step-grandparents home. Her eyes traced the rectangular wooden frames of the window panes. She leaned back into the old fabric recliner. A random television drama played in the background, but she didn't hear it.
It was Sunday. She broke up with Kaya on Friday. It still hurt. She cried yesterday. Her eyes were red and puffy when she woke up. It hurt. But she would not take it back. Breaking up with Kaya was the right decision.
It was right because she lied. She lied. And the pain of living a lie outweighed the pain of breaking up. Doing the right thing hurt. She loved Kaya, but the past two months. Perhaps even before that her heart swayed. It pulled for arms that weren't Kaya's arms. It yearned for a voice that wasn't Kaya's voice. She hated it, so she stayed. She tried.
Then Kaya asked her if there was another woman. If there was another embrace she wanted. If there was another voice she needed. If there was a pair of blue eyes that haunted her dreams. She was trying, so she lied. But a heart did not lie. It hurt.
In the end she was alone, but that was okay. It was better than lying. It just hurt in a different way. She told herself Kaya would find someone who only dreamt of Kaya. Kaya would be okay and she would be okay. At least that was what she kept telling herself.
One year and one month ago... May... Uminari City... Midori-ya Cafe...
A rhythmic slam of dough against a wooden counter-top filled the back kitchen. The sound ceased for a moment then picked up again. Brown eyes curiously watched from the kitchen entrance. They watched as the dough underwent kneading, reforming, kneading, and reforming. There was a therapeutic notion about the routine. Yet the person working so mechanically caught the attention of that mocha gaze.
"Knead that dough anymore and it may not rise." A masculine voice teased.
The young woman the remark was directed at looked up in surprise. She rolled her blue eyes. "You scared me, Dad."
"Sorry, but I'm hoping those will be loaves. Not breadsticks."
"Sorry, I guess I got caught up in it."
He moved closer and started working on another bowl of dough. "It's fine, Nanoha. Thank you for helping out. I know you've been busy."
"Yeah, but it's good to get away from schoolwork. And this is stress relief."
Shiro nodded, but didn't say anything. They continued working the dough in silence. He loaded a batch into the oven. "I usually find your mother doing this when we're having a fight." Nanoha remained silent so he continued. "You've been back more often this past month. Not that I'm complaining." His brown eyes glanced in his youngest daughter's direction. "Is everything okay, Nanoha?"
Nanoha continued cutting sections of dough into loaves. "I'm fine."
The response was calm, cool, and Shiro knew better. He just had to wait. "Okay."
The short pause in their conversation paid off. "I have a friend," Shiro grinned, "and this friend has a good relationship. But before the relationship she had feelings for someone else. Then that someone left because at the time their lives were just not going in the same direction. So she moved on. And she was happy. Then this..."
The kneading became more insistent and Shiro was glad he wasn't dough. "This jerk comes back and... and kisses her. This stupid kiss is so different from anyone else. And it's so frustrating because you kiss back. Then she leaves again. And you're left with a stupid kiss." Nanoha sighed as she punched the dough one last time. Regaining her composure, she started again, "At least that's how my friend explained it."
"So what exactly is your friend's problem?"
"My friend is feeling undecided about her feelings. She doesn't know if she still has feelings for that person or if she should stay in her relationship that's stable. Even if she has feelings for the other person she's not sure if anything will happen."
Shiro frowned, unable to form a conclusive thought. "I don't have any experience like that, but I do understand having feelings you can't deny. Feelings that make you do something you wouldn't normally do. I understand that."
"You do?"
"Yep. It's about me and your mom got together." Shiro smiled as he reminisced. First he checked the front counter then continued. "So in my Junior year of high school, your mom and Precia Testarossa made a bet about who could make me fall for them in one month."
Nanoha cocked a skeptical eyebrow at her father, "Why?"
"Hey, your old man was quite popular back in the day."
"You were a cheerleader."
"Yes. And I got to talk to pretty girls all the time." Shiro shook his head, "We are getting off track. So the loser of their bet would forfeit their spot at the National Cheerleading competition." The brown-eyed baker grinned, "What your mom didn't know was that I noticed her the year before and really wanted to ask her out."
"But you were a coward."
"Not the way I would put it." Shiro glared at his youngest, "I wasn't sure if she was interested. I kinda thought she was out of my league."
Nanoha grinned, but didn't interrupt.
"So when Precia Testarossa started flirting with me and then asked me out I gave in."
"Cause you wanted to see if Mom would get jealous," Nanoha guessed.
"Yes and if she didn't I would be dating another pretty girl." Disgust colored Nanoha's face. "What?"
"You didn't do more than kiss Precia, did you? Never mind. Don't tell me."
"Of course not. I liked your mother." Nanoha continued frowning. "What?"
She waved him off, "You wouldn't understand. Please go on. You dated both of them. It didn't work out. You found out about the bet. Then what?"
"How did you..." Shiro trailed off, staring questioningly at his daughter.
"I watch teen movies." Nanoha supplied.
"Well that skips a lot of details." Shiro shrugged, "After I found out, I was hurt because I didn't know if her feelings toward me were genuine. At the same time I was a little proud that I was in the bet." Blue eyes rolled. "But I was mostly angry because I really liked your mother, especially after I got to know her." Shiro's smile softened.
"She tried apologizing over the phone, but I never listened. After every phone call a big part of me just wanted to forgive her." He wiped his hands on the dish towel he had. "She caught me at Nationals and started to cry when she was apologizing to me. I yelled at her. It felt so wrong. Before I knew it I was running after her and apologizing."
Nanoha frowned, not understanding.
His mocha gaze met his daughter's sapphire one. "Love doesn't make sense, sweetheart. We can protect ourselves. Think rationally and reasonably. And that's great. But when you watch tears fall down someone's cheek and you're the cause." The baker shook his head. "Even if you're angry they gambled your feelings. If you love them, it's pretty damn hard to stay angry." Shiro smiled. "You never rationally thought you'd run after someone who bargained your feelings, then you find yourself standing a foot away asking them not to leave. Asking them to forgive you for saying things you didn't mean."
Nanoha remained silent, not knowing what to say.
"My best advice to your friend. Does she want someone that makes her want to chase after them? Or does she want someone she needs to rationalize?"
The sapphire gaze fell to the floor. "I'll tell her that."
Shiro allowed those words to sink in before drawing his daughter out of her reflections. "Of course, whoever they are better be damn worthy of your friend."
Those words caused Nanoha to look up and laugh. "Yeah, they better be."
"I mean if she's calling this person a jerk then maybe..."
Nanoha interrupted her father before he fell into a lecture. "Dad, its okay. I get it."
"Oh, good." Shiro looked around. "Help me with the pies?"
"Sure." Nanoha pulled out the apples for peeling. "Hey Dad."
"Yeah."
"Thanks." Shiro grinned, thankful for his daughter's small smile.
"You're welcome."
Nanoha smirked, "Dad?"
"Hm." Shiro was pulling out a tray of pans.
"Does Mom know you were trying to make her jealous?"
"There are some things your mother doesn't need to know." Nanoha laughed and continued to peel apples.