Forgotten Memories Chapter 26, a my so called life fanfic

So, chapter 26 is finally here and about time too! Sorry it's been so long since I last updated but I hope you guys think it's worth the wait. As always, please r&R :)

"Would you quit fidgeting?" Rayanne said as they shuffled forward in the line, inching slowly towards the entrance to Pike Street. "You look so tough. This is going to be an amazing night."

Angela stopped pulling at the hemline of her dress but still looked skeptical at Rayanne's assessment. She wasn't entirely convinced that she did look tough and she was even less convinced that she wanted to. When Rayanne said that she would lend her something to wear for the competition, Angela had been expecting something a little more daring than she would normally choose but the red dress Rayanne had provided was brighter, tighter and much shorter than anything she had imagined. She couldn't quite believe that Rayanne and the girls had talked her out of getting changed into something more appropriate for a mother approaching her forties but it was too late to go back now.

"I should have brought you that dress on Thursday instead." Rayanne continued. "If you'd worn that to your goodbye dinner with Damon, he wouldn't have been so eager to get on the plane Friday morning. It would have completely blown his mind. Or his wad but with most men that's usually the same thing."

"Rayanne!" Angela hissed, gesturing to the teenage girls standing in front of them in the line. She had no wish for Amy or Rebecca to be thinking about her and Damon's sex life and she had a feeling that they would feel the exact same way. Luckily, it seemed that both girls were too involved in their own relatively innocent conversation to take notice of what the grownups were saying.

"I hope you made it clear to him that we would be out having fun while he gets to spend a very boring evening alone in some hotel room, staring at nothing but beige walls and an inoffensively bland watercolor."

Angela knew that Rayanne was trying to be supportive. She was letting her know that she was on her side and would be happy to deride Damon for as long as Angela was mad at him but, since he had left, her annoyance had subsided. It wasn't that she was happy that he was gone. Far from it; but what would be the point of staying mad at someone who wasn't around to see it? Besides, it wasn't as bad as she first thought. He had some meeting with clients in Pittsburgh that he would be coming home for in a few weeks so he would be able to spend at least a few days with his family before he went back to the Memphis office for the rest of his secondment. Also, she might not have had Rayanne's red crushed velvet but their goodbye meal had been followed by some very satisfying goodbye sex that had her looking forward to the hello sex she'd get when he returned. Was it possible that his working away was actually helping to put the romance back into their marriage or was that just hopeful thinking on her part?

"Rayanne, its fine. Really."

"Sure." Rayanne replied dubiously.

Before Angela could respond they were at the front of the line and were soon herded inside. Angela didn't even have time to look appalled at the fact that the teens were let in without the bouncers bothering to check whether they were underage or chaperoned. One minute they were outside and the next they were pushed into a hot press of bodies. The air was practically buzzing with excitement already and none of the bands had even performed yet.

"I can't believe how many people are here. We're going to have such a time." Rayanne smiled.

"I know." Amy eagerly replied. "We have to get as close to the front as we can for when they're on stage."

"It looks a little crowded up there. Won't we get squashed?" Rebecca asked as she eyed the audience with trepidation. The first few rows were tightly packed and seemed to be full of large, tattooed, scary looking rockers. "I don't want to get caught up in a mosh pit or anything."

"Jumping around in mosh pits is sometimes half the fun." Rayanne pointed out. "But if we stick to the side of the stage instead of the middle, we should be able to avoid most of it."

"Wait, shouldn't we find Sharon first?" Angela asked. "We should let her know that we're here and tell her where we're going to be."

"But how are we going to find her?" Amy asked. "She could be anywhere."

"Oh, I think I see someone who might know." Rayanne replied, as she stood on tiptoes and surveyed the crowd.

Within seconds, Angela spotted the same person. She had known that he would be there and she thought that she had prepared herself for seeing him but as she looked at him her heart rate quickened with nervous anticipation. She didn't even know what it was that she was anticipating. The most that would happen is that they would potentially come face to face and have some kind of conversation. She had had conversations with him before, it was nothing new and so she couldn't rationalize why she was suddenly so nervous. Maybe it was because their conversations had always been when they were alone. She wasn't sure what kind of conversation she would be capable of with Rayanne there to analyze her words. She wasn't sure how to act around him when her daughter and Rebecca were there, watching and listening. What kind of combination her could she develop on the spot to appear perfectly normal to everyone? Maybe it was better that she just stayed away from him completely. He hadn't seen them yet and there were enough people there to hide amongst without it seeming like she was avoiding him on purpose. However, before she could suggest they find another way of locating Sharon, Rayanne started to move.

"Yo, Catalano." Rayanne shouted, pushing her way through the audience toward him with Amy and Rebecca following closely, giving Angela no choice but to trail behind.

"Graff" Jordan grunted in acknowledgement, making no effort to find out she she was shouting his name.

"Hi Mr. Catalano." Rebecca said, while both she and Amy smiled shyly at him.

"...Hi." Jordan replied after a moment, as if he couldn't quite believe that someone was addressing him as Mr.

His eyes were only on them for a second before Angela joined them and when he saw her, his breath caught in his throat. She always dressed well in a conservative sort of way but the outfit she had on now was far from conservative and showed off her body in the best possible way. When she was younger she had been almost too skinny, all right angles and bones, draped in baggy plaid shirts that had seemed so fashionable in the grunge era. Now, she had curves. Her shape was softer, hips rounder, breasts fuller. He had a suspicion that that was the case; he'd spent more hours contemplating it than he would like to admit, but that red dress confirmed everything and now the only thing he could think about was what she would look like out of it. Realizing that he was staring, he forced his eyes away and took a swig of his beer.

Ignoring the uncomfortable atmosphere that started to develop, Rayanne asked the question she needed answering with her usual brashness. "Where the hell is Cherski?"

"She's backstage with the guys."

"Why aren't you back stage?"

"Because I'm here." he replied.

He didn't want to get into a discussion on how he and Sharon were still spending as little time in each others company as possible. Part of him wished he was back stage, helping Edward and the boys get set up but the last thing they needed was any kind of tension before they got up to perform. Besides, Shane was with them so he knew they were in good hands.

"Do you think we'll be able to get backstage?" Amy asked.

"Don't know." Jordan shrugged. "Gate for backstage is over there but they've got some muscle on it."

Rayanne craned her neck to take in the bouncers he was referring to and a sly grin spread across her face. "I know that bouncer. I charmed him once; maybe I can do it again. Come on, girls."

She headed off in the right direction, agilely weaving between the milling crowd, and the girls followed eagerly behind leaving Angela and Jordan alone, or as alone as they could be in the middle of a room full of strangers.

"You look…" He started but couldn't decide how to finish the sentence. Good? Sexy? Unbelievably fuckable?

"I wouldn't really dress like this normally." She replied, unable to stop her hands from futilely tugging at her hemline again. "I feel like I'm wearing a costume. Like I'm going to a Halloween party as my fifteen year old daughter, or something…not that I'd let her dress like this…and if my husband saw her wearing something like this, she wouldn't make it past the front door."

Even her embarrassed, awkward babbling didn't distract from the way she looked. "If I was your husband, I wouldn't let you past the front door either."

As soon as the words left his mouth, Jordan knew that it was the wrong thing to say. It put neither of them at ease. The way he said it and the way he looked at her made it clear that he wanted her but the words only served to highlight that she wasn't his to have. She belonged to another and no matter how flustered she became under his gaze or how much she looked at him like she might want him too, he couldn't change that. A smarter guy would just walk away but he couldn't. His feet were rooted to the spot, waiting to see what she would say or do. So, of course, she did the smart thing.

"I guess…I guess I'd better go after them." she stammered as she backed off, colliding with more than one person in her haste to get away.

Jordan groaned at his own stupidity before lifting his bottle to his lips again. He had a feeling that they would be bumping into each other all evening and that each encounter would be just as bad, but resolved next time to just leave his smart ass comments to himself. It would help if he had something to distract him. Another girl on his arm would do just the trick and there were plenty around to choose from but he found that he wasn't in the mood or whatever. What would be the point of being with someone else when all he could think of was her? It hadn't helped when he was seventeen so he knew that it wouldn't help now. Conversely, he wasn't seventeen anymore and neither was Angela. A lot had changed since then; he had changed. He didn't know why he was being so pathetic. He'd had plenty of other girlfriends and he definitely had plenty of ex's but Angela was the only one he had really come into contact with. Maybe that was what was throwing him for a loop. Most of his relationships ended when he decided he was bored of living where ever it was he lived and skipped town, so he never really had to deal with bumping into old girlfriends before. None of those other girls had been enough to keep him settled in one spot and none of them had cared enough about him to say they wanted to leave with him. It went without saying that he had never thought to invite them along but he couldn't keep living his life like that. The whole point of him coming back to Three Rivers was to get his life figured out, once and for all. Marriage and 2.4 kids had never been part of the plan but there had been a vague notion of finding someone he could be with, someone who got him. One thing was for sure, he wasn't going to find her by moping after an old flame. As he mulled the idea over in his mind he remembered that Tino had been playing pool with some of the old guys and there had been a group of girls watching. Was it possible that one of them would help get him in the mood? Maybe it was time he put the theory to the test.

"Wow. The stage looks so much smaller from back here than it does out there." Amy said as she watched some of Pike Street's staff taping down the final trailing wires and starting the sound checks.

"You think?" Mike asked. "It looks pretty big to me and that crowd looks fucking huge."

Amy gazed out at the sea of people around the stage and couldn't help but agree. It seemed as if the only places you could stand and breath at the same time was a thin strip of floor space, equal distance from the stage and the bar, and the area at the back where people were shooting pool.

"You're not nervous are you? I mean, it's okay if you are." Amy reassured, thinking of only him and not even registering the fact that he had said the 'f' word when her mother was standing right behind them.

"Are you kidding? The more people here, the more people who get to hear how much we rock." Mike said, full of bravado.

"Is your Uncle Tino here? You said he was coming, right?"

"Yeah, he's here. He's playing pool." Mike replied, gesturing in vaguely the right direction, while really paying more attention to what the stage crew was doing.

"Where? Point him out to me." Amy insisted, causing Mike to look out across the room and squint with the effort of picking one face out of the crowd.

"He was there a minute ago." he finally shrugged.

"Well, where did he go?"

"I don't know. I can see Catalano and some of the other guys down there so he couldn't have gone far."

"But, I will meet him right?"

"Yeah, sure. Later, definitely." Mike said, "You want to come and meet some of the other musicians?"

Amy wasn't sure if it was just an attempt to distract her or not but, rather than pouting, she found herself smiling enthusiastically. She was caught up in the excitement of all the activity going on around her and more than happy to let Mike show her around every part of the backstage area. Still, she made a mental note to remind him of his promise later on.

"Best we don't tell Tino he's so much in demand. The last thing he needs is an ego boost." Rayanne grinned, but it soon became apparent that Angela hadn't heard a word that she said. She was too busy gazing out over the crowd like her daughter had just been doing. "Didn't know you were a pool fan."

Rather than make any denial of who she was looking at, Angela just rolled her eyes and turned her back on the view. "So, he's with someone…"

"Yeah, looks like." Rayanne replied, taking in the blonde who, even from a distance, seemed to be standing very close to Jordan Catalano. As Rayanne watched, she laughed at something Jordan said and ran her hand down his arm. Jordan's reaction, however, was hard to judge. "She really needs to get her roots done. You okay?"

"Yeah. I just didn't know that Jordan was um…"

"As far as I know, Jordan isn't umming anyone. I don't even know who she is so maybe they're not, like, a thing…yet. I mean, if he was umming her already, I'd have seen her around Vertigo or something."

"It's okay. I mean, he's a free agent. He can um whoever he wants to." Angela said, "It's no big deal. I just didn't realize that he was umming anyone, which is like really stupid because why wouldn't he? So, now I know. And I can't believe that we still use the word 'um' like it's an actual verb. Like 'to um' is in the dictionary, or whatever. I mean, we are adults now, we-"

"Angela," Rayanne interrupted. "Just breath, or something."

"Yeah," she exhaled. "I need a drink."

"Don't we all." Rayanne replied as she watched, Angela walk quickly to the drinks table and pour herself a large shot of something clear.

Rebecca was wishing she could copy her older sister and reach for a drink to steady her nerves but that would have to wait until she could get away from the eyes of the adults. Until then she would have to concentrate on showing as much enthusiasm and interest as possible as Edward showed her around the back stage area. It was sort of exciting to be getting a glimpse of what went on behind the scenes but she could not muster even half of the awe that Amy was displaying. She was far too distracted by thoughts of what would be happening later on that night to concentrate on the here and now.

As much as she tried to concentrate on what Edward was showing her and saying, he couldn't help but notice how preoccupied she was.

"Are you ok?" He asked as he steered her towards a quiet corner.

"Yeah. Sure." She replied, doing her best to make her smile look genuine. He was so happy and excited the last thing she wanted to do was bring him down before his moment in the spot light.

If his head hadn't been so full of the upcoming performance and what he had planned for later on, Edward may have recognized her apprehension but he just couldn't see how tense she was.

"You look beautiful." he said earnestly, as he buried his hands in her hair and pulled her closer. "Everything's set for tonight. It's going to be perfect. Just you and me."

As he whispered the words in her ear, Rebecca was torn between desire and fear. She had no idea which feeling would win out but when he leaned in to kiss her, she found herself responding. It was impossible not to. He was just so God damn good at it, which made her even more frustrated with herself. Kissing him turned her on. There was no way she could deny it. She may have limited experience but so far he'd been pretty good at everything else too so why did that one last step seem so daunting to her? As their kiss deepened, she reached the conclusion that, deep down, some part of her must want to take that final step and go all of the way. If she didn't, she would have put a stop to his plans. She would have said something before he actually expected her to go through with it. He was right. Everything was set, plans had been made and it was too late to back out.

Sharon looked on helplessly as the stage crew escorted Rayanne, Angela and the girls towards the exit. Her official backstage pass was the golden ticket that let her stay behind but, now that her friends were leaving despite Rayanne's very vocal protestations, she felt very much out of place. While conversation seemed to be flowing freely between the musicians, she wasn't a member of their club and so far all of her attempts to participate in the banter had failed. Edward and the boys hadn't outright stated that she was cramping their style but she knew it was far from cool for them to have a mom tagging along. Therefore, she was trying her hardest not to hover and give them their space but it left her alone with no one to talk to. Trying her best not to look awkward, she searched the room for a quiet corner she could stand in where she wouldn't be in anyone's way but instead she finally saw someone she hoped would be happy to talk to her and made a bee line for him.

"What are you doing?" Sharon asked as she watched Shane's hands twitch in some sort of subdued air drumming while he leaned back against the wall with his eyes closed.

"Trying to remember what the hell I'm supposed to do when we get out there." he replied, adding some foot tapping into his movements as he mentally ran through their opening track. "Shouldn't you be making your way to the front row with the rest of them?"

"I told Edward I'd watch from back here, just in case he needed some moral support before he goes on stage. I think I'm worrying for nothing though. Those boys seem as happy as pigs in mud. How are you feeling?"

"Honestly?" he asked, opening his eyes to look at her. "At the moment I'm fluctuating between feeling more excited than I have in years and wanting to puke."

"Well, I'm surprised."

"Why?"

"I wouldn't have picked you as someone who suffered from performance anxiety."

"This isn't anxiety. This is just me not wanting to make a complete dick out of myself." He replied as the band on stage came to the end of their set. "The first few bands were okay but that last one was amazing. It sounded like they've been playing together for years. We really should have done, like, a dress rehearsal or something. You know, the whole set, in front of actual people."

"You've done the whole set in front of me."

"You don't count."

"Why not?" she asked indignantly

"You just don't." he said with a smile.

She had heard their set countless times and offered nothing but encouragement but, with her son acting as lead man, hers was hardly an unbiased opinion. Shane was completely comfortable playing in front of her and it in no way compared to playing in front of a large crowd of strangers. However, it was nice to know that there would be one person backstage cheering for them when they finished. It was more than nice really and he was looking forward to seeing her smiling when they got off stage, even if he thought the smiles were more likely to be directed at the boys than him.

Sharon huffed in reply, not quite sure what to make of what he said or how he said it. Before she could ask for further explanation, one of the stage crew walked past and informed Shane that the band had five minutes to get ready.

"Guess I'd better go round them up and make sure they remember what the hell they're supposed to do too." Shane said.

The more he thought about what he was about to do, the more his nerves started to win out. Deep down he knew they sounded good and that they knew the songs by heart. There was no way they could possibly have practiced any harder. However, the more he thought about it, the more he remembered the stupid mistakes they all made at some point during those practices and the more he dreaded them being repeated on stage. The last thing he wanted to do was let the boys down by repeating his own mistakes.

"You're going to be awesome." Sharon said, trying to put as much of the confidence she felt for him into her words but he shrugged in response.

"Maybe. With a little luck."

Almost without thinking, Sharon took a step towards him.

"Well then, this is for luck." she said as she placed a soft kiss on his cheek.

He looked at her, wide-eyed as if he couldn't quite believe she had done that and Sharon instantly felt stupid, like she had overstepped some line in their friendship with what she intended as an innocent gesture of support. However, as she was about to step away, his expression shifted and she felt his hands at her hips, pulling her closer.

"We're going to need more luck than that." he grinned before delivering a kiss on her lips that was decidedly not innocent.

For a second, Sharon stood in shock, too surprised to respond, but once it sank in that he was actually kissing her, that something she had fantasized about was coming true, she opened her mouth to him and kissed eagerly back. For Shane, the feel of her lips on his became his whole world. Any nerves about the upcoming performance were forgotten. In fact, the idea that he would soon have to get on stage became a distant memory. It had been a snap decision but Shane was infinitely glad that he had finally gotten the guts to make some kind of a move. Sharon was equally as happy and the feeling of being in his arms was better than she had ever imagined. She felt like she didn't want the moment to end but their personal bubble was invaded all too soon..

"Ewww, gross! Mom!" Edward exclaimed, obviously horrified by what he had just observed, while Mike and Steve tried not to laugh as they stood behind him.

"Edward! Hi…"Sharon said as she practically jumped away from Shane. "I was just saying good luck to Shane."

"That's one term for it." Mike sniggered, earning himself a warning glance from both Shane and Edward while Sharon just stood there, red faced and unable to think of what to say next.

They were rescued from the awkward situation when the stage crew called their names and told them it was time for them to do their stuff. Despite what he had seen, Edward's mind instantly turned towards the stage and their upcoming performance and Shane found that his nerves had miraculously disappeared. The boys filed towards the stage entrance and Shane followed but before he took the last step, he turned around to face Sharon.

"Just so you know, I've wanted to do that for a while now." he said, giving her a cheeky wink.

Sharon watched as he turned and joined the rest of the band. She knew that she should have eyes only for her son in the first professional performance of his that she had witnessed but, before they even started to play, she knew that she would have difficulty keeping her eyes off her favorite drummer.

Amy had been severely disappointed when the stage manager had cleared out the backstage area of anyone who didn't have an official pass and she hadn't quite believed Mike when he said she would have a better time standing with the rest of the audience but now that she felt the atmosphere around her she thought that maybe he had been right after all. People were standing tightly packed together but somehow Rayanne kept finding the small gaps in between or creating space where there was none before so that they could get as close to the stage as possible. Amy followed with Rebecca, who had a vice like grip on her hand in fear of getting left behind, and Angela brought up the rear, muttering apologies to the people who gave them disgruntled looks as they pushed their way through.

"So, what are they called again? They're not Echelon anymore, right?" Rayanne asked as she came to a stop, two rows from the front and slightly stage left.

"They were between names for, like, ever but they finally settled on Year Zero." Amy replied as she pulled one of the promotional flyers out of her bag. "Look, their name's printed and everything!"

"This is so exciting! I can hardly wait." Rayanne screeched, sounding more like the teenagers than an actual adult to Angela's ears.

"I know!" Amy exclaimed and she was practically giddy with the thrill of it all.

She felt like all of her birthdays and Christmas' had come at once. She didn't know if it was because this was only the second concert she had ever been to, and the first one hardly counted since it had been some awful pop band Danielle had taken her to see when she was ten, or if it was because it was her boyfriend that would be on stage. She wondered how many girls after their performance would swear blind that Mike was looking right at them when he played. She wondered how many would be crushing on him, at least until the next band came on and they found a new boy to idolize. She knew that no matter how many other girls gazed adoringly at the stage, when he looked out into the crowd, he would be looking at only her.

Rebecca did her best to smile along with them but she knew she didn't feel half the excitement Rayanne and Amy felt. She was looking forward to hearing them play, there was no doubt about that, but she didn't feel comfortable in the prime position Rayanne had found for them. There were just too many people, standing far too close together for her liking. Even though the last band had vacated the stage and the stage crew were the only people who occupied it as they swapped equipment over, it was still noisy. All she could hear was the unintelligible chatter of the people around her and the occasional holler as people screamed a mixture of praise and derogatory remarks at the stage. The air was hot and clammy and it seemed as if the people in front of her had been standing in it for far too long because there was a distinct smell of body odor wafting back from them. As she crinkled her nose in disgust, she felt a trickle of her own sweat run down her back and suddenly she could no longer wait for the boys to get on stage either because the sooner they did, the sooner they would be finished and the sooner she could get some fresh air and cool down. On second thought, the sooner they finished, the sooner the night would reach what she decided had to be its inevitable conclusion. She might be able to get rid of the claustrophobia she felt standing there but it would only be replaced with a myriad of other churning emotions. As Angela came to a stop behind them, she too was full of churning emotions and was doing her best not to analyze them. She might be the most introspective person she knew but, for tonight, she had a feeling that thinking too deeply would be overrated. Instead, she tried to look as if she was having fun and kept her thoughts on the small things, like her footwear. The shoes she was wearing may match Rayanne's dress but they were defiantly not suitable attire for a rock concert. Thinking about how the balls of her feet were already aching and trying to balance on the spiked heels in the constantly shuffling crowd was a welcome alternative to thinking about what was really on her mind.

No matter what they were thinking of, when the lights dimmed and the boys came out on stage, Rebecca's and Angela's attention turned to the stage just as Rayanne's and Amy's did. Angela overheard more than one comment about how young they looked compared to the other bands that had performed and even their own drummer. Amy heard the same comments and while they irritated her she knew that once the band started playing, whoever had spoken would be silenced by their obvious talent. Age had nothing to do with it. They may look young but they also looked confident and cool. They looked like they belonged up there. It seemed as if the majority of the audience agreed because, as they took their places, the crowd hushed in expectation.

As rehearsed, the band allowed their opening track to form their introduction, with Mike's easily recognizable guitar solo carrying to the furthest reaches of the building before the others joined in starting with Shane's drums, closely followed by Steve's bass and Edward's supporting guitar. As Edward's vocals kicked in, Amy was happy to see appreciative nods and hear more than one person add their own voices to the familiar Guns'n'Roses lyrics, but the attention she gave the people around her was minimal. All of her attention was focused on one person and she had never thought he looked so attractive. If she wasn't already sleeping with Mike, she knew she would definitely want to be. However, it wasn't just lustful thoughts his performance was awakening. As she swayed with crowd, she was filled with admiration and pride so deep she was amazed by the strength of it.

Pride was also a big theme for Rebecca. She was so amazed by Edward's performance that the people around her who had seemed uncomfortably close moments earlier, faded away to nothing. She had heard the lyrics a million times, never once thinking of the actual words or meaning more than to acknowledge a general liking for it but when she saw him up on stage, looking at her as he sang, it seemed as if the song was written for her. When he sang "Sweet child of mine, sweet love of mine" he was singing to her and about her and she felt her insides melt. If Amy was surprised by the depth of her pride, Rebecca was surprised by the depth of her yearning. As hot and bothered as he could make her when they made out, she had never felt such a want or need to have him, to possess him as her own, body and soul. As her teenage hormones surged, all of her fears and doubts seemed foolish and she prayed that she would be able to remember how she was feeling at that moment instead of letting her uncertainly take control.

It seemed as if Year Zero had made a smart move by playing a well loved rock anthem as their opening track. By the time the song ended and it was time for Edward to introduce the band, they had already won over a large portion of the audience who were subsequently willing to listen to their second, original track with open minds. Not everyone appreciated their punk/garage band combo as much but even the skeptics gave them a grudging respect for playing well in the genre they had chosen by the time they got to their third track. The people making up the mosh pit showed that respect in the energy they gave into jumping around and generally causing mayhem in their immediate vicinity but the same could be said for the majority of bands who had performed. It really was hard to judge how Year Zero were doing in comparison but Amy and Rebecca were having the best night of their lives and the boys looked as if they were too as they played. For their fourth and final song, they reverted back to doing a cover version. Again, it was one that they knew would be well known and well loved by the audience and they responded even more than they did to the opening track. As Edward sang 'I wanna be sedated' for the final time, it sounded as if the whole room was singing along with him and the band could not be more elated by how their performance had gone. They left the stage to more applause than they had hoped for and with enough adrenaline pumping through their system to give them a natural high to last the whole night.

As soon as Edward was off the stage, Sharon wrapped her arms around him and hugged with all of her might. Edward allowed himself a few seconds to delight in her praise before squirming out of her reach to avoid the hair ruffling he knew was coming. Some of the other musicians backstage gave them nods of appreciation and commented on a job well done but Shane was the only one with enough presence of mind to acknowledge them. The younger boys were too caught up in what they had just done to focus on anything but themselves and became a riot of noise and energy as they animatedly recounted their experience of the stage to one another, second by second, chord by chord. They were so loud and exultant that it was almost a relief to the other artists when they fled the backstage area in order to rejoice their achievement with their girlfriends and biggest fans.

"Wow." Sharon said as she watched the teens practically bounce their way out of the room. "I don't think I've seen Edward this happy since…well, forever."

"He performed really well. They all did." Shane replied.

Now that the teens had gone and he was starting to come down from his own adrenaline high, he started to remember what he had done and said before he took to the stage and an altogether different set of nerves started to swirl in his stomach. It had been a spur of the moment thing and, from what he could remember, Sharon had been surprised but pleasantly so. However, he didn't exactly stick around to get her full reaction once the kiss was over. She knew he'd been experiencing a small bought of stage fright. What if she thought he was just using her as a distraction? It was sort of true but he had also been telling the truth when he said he'd wanted to kiss her for a while.

Sharon watched him fold and unfold his arms as he shifted nervously in front of her and she could hardly believe that he was the same person who had swept her off her feet twenty minutes before.

"You didn't do too bad yourself. It would be a shame if your luck ran out now." She said, coming to his rescue while doing her best to give him a seductive look.

"Yeah. Maybe I could do with a top up before they decide who's through to the next round." He replied, recovering the cheeky glint in his eye that she found so charming. "You wouldn't happen to know anyone who might be able to help me with that would you?"

"Yeah, I think I might." She smiled.

As soon as Year Zero's set ended, the girls pushed their way out of the crowd and back towards the backstage gate. This time, the bouncers were under strict instructions not to let anyone without an official pass in and even Rayanne's powers of persuasion faltered. It wasn't long before the boys emerged though and Amy and Rebecca were able to give their boyfriends the congratulation they had earned.

Angela was appalled to see the ardor that Amy in particular showed towards her boyfriend and the passion with which they greeted each other. She would never dream of giving such a public display of affection in front of her parents at her own age. At Amy's age, she would have died of embarrassment if Patty had caught her kissing in even the most chaste of ways. As she realized that she was living in denial by assuming her daughter was still completely innocent, parental disapproval started to build towards anger and she was just about to step forward and burst their bubble when she felt a hand on her arm.

"Just…give them a minute." Rayanne said with a wry smile. "Like you never behaved exactly like that?"

"I never-" Angela started to protest but as Rayanne just stared at her she knew it was impossible to deny the truth of Rayanne's statement. "Not in front of my mother anyway. And not when I'd just turned sixteen."

"Oh, my bad. You waited until you were at least sixteen and a half before flinging yourself at Jordan like he was sex on legs when he got off stage."

"I never flung myself at Jordan Catalano like he was sex on legs!"

"You sort of did, Chase. I had actual photographic evidence." piped up a new voice. "But it wasn't like I was watching you or anything. I was year book photographer. It was, like, my job."

"You're here?" Angela said as she turned to look at Brian Krakow, face scrunched in surprised disgust.

"Not by choice."

"Then why?"

"Yeah, Bri. Shouldn't you be at some clever chess club meeting rather than hanging with the cool kids?" Rayanne teased.

"Chess club was last night." he replied in all seriousness. "Year Zero is the only band in school, apart from, you know, the woodwind one so we thought it would be good to have some live shots for year book. Not that I'm photographer anymore. I just oversee in my capacity as teacher. Only the kid who is photographer couldn't get his parents to sign the permission slip and the school will only give their camera to kids who can be trusted so I, like, had to come instead. But I brought my own camera because it's, you know, better. So, that's why I'm here."

"My god, you really haven't changed at all, have you?" Rayanne gawked, open mouthed.

"What do you mean?" he asked but, rather than receive a reply to his question, Rayanne's and Angela's attention was drawn back to the teens or rather the adult that had joined them.

Angela tried not to react as she watched Jordan Catalano congratulate the boys on their performance but inside she was praying that he had not overheard Rayanne and Brian. It would be far too embarrassing if he knew that she had ever flung herself at him, which she basically had. Rayanne and Brian hadn't been wrong about that. Jordan's presence incited another excitable description from the band of their onstage experience and Jordan was just as animated in giving his praise. To Angela, he actually looked happy. In all of the times she had seen him since his return to Three Rivers, she couldn't remember him smiling so much and the thought made her kind of sad. She knew it was stupid but she wished that he would smile that way for her. She wished that when they met on the college campus or bumped into each other around town, things would not be so strained, so tense; that they could be as happy in each others company as he seemed to be in Edward's. The way he smiled made him look care free and younger somehow. Not all that different to how he used to look when Residue finished their set and he would come off stage, full of joy, wrap her in his arms and kiss her until she thought she would faint.

She didn't know whether he was thinking the same things, replaying the same memories, but when he looked at her and their eyes met, his smile faded into an intense expression that could only be described as sultry. Angela instinctively knew that Rayanne and Brian were watching and analyzing but it was impossible for her to do anything but stare back at him. She felt that if she moved at all, her body would take over from her mind and fling itself at him just as she used to all of those years ago. So, she just stood there and stared and he stared right back until a question was directed at him, causing him to turn away.

"Hey Catalano, where's Tino?" Mike asked, trying not to sound disappointed that his uncle was not there to congratulate the band on their performance as well.

"He's at the bar." Jordan replied, "He said to tell you that you guys sounded tight and he'll catch up with you later."

Mike just nodded in reply but Jordan's words had roused Amy's interest in the elusive Tino once more. Standing on tip toes, she strained to peer over the crowd but it was impossible for her to figure out who she should be looking for.

"What does he look like?" She asked.

"Kind of like an older version of me," Mike replied, "but with more tattoos and minus the spiked hair and eyeliner."

As far as she could see, none of the men in view had even a passing resemblance to Mike.

"I don't see him." she pouted, causing Mike to take a look for himself.

"Me either." he shrugged after a moment. "I guess he must be somewhere else."

"He better not be somewhere else," Jordan joked. "He owes me a beer."

Angela watched as he fell back into easy conversation with the teens and wondered how he was able to do it. How could he be looking at her with such intensity one second and the next seem perfectly normal? How was he able to form actual sentences when she was held immobile? She had no idea that he was grateful for the diversion or that he needed to be talking in order to control his own urges before they took control of him. It seemed infinitely unfair to her that she was the one who was obsessing while he, yet again, had other things on his mind. She wrenched her eyes away in frustration only for them to fall on a stranger standing with their group. She stood slightly apart looking a little out of place but, at the same time, it was clear that she was with them. Or more accurately, that she was with Jordan and was waiting for him despite the fact that he had not introduced her and that no one had acknowledged her. It seemed as if by noticing her, Angela drew attention to the woman and she was noticed for the first time by Brian and Rayanne as well.

"Hi." Brian said aiming for friendliness but sounding as awkward as he usually did.

"Hey." the woman replied.

Silence descended amongst them once more causing Rayanne to step in. "So, have you known Jordan long, urm..?"

Angela found her lips curling into a smile that Patty would have been proud of as she waited for the answer. It felt more like a grimace and she knew that if she had to keep it up for long her cheeks would start aching but it was the only response she could give. Speech was beyond her and if she let the mask drop for even an instant she risked showing the jealous knot that was beginning to form in her stomach.

"Morgan. We just met tonight." She supplied.

Angela recognized her as the girl Jordan had been talking to by the pool tables but she had no idea whether to be relieved or not at the shortness of their acquaintance.

"How nice for you both." Rayanne rolled her eyes.

"urm…thanks." Morgan replied, unsure of how to interpret Rayanne's tone of voice or the way she seemed to be sizing her up. She looked to Jordan for assistance but he seemed oblivious to the interchange as he talked guitar riffs with the boys. Trying not to be daunted by the feeling of inspection she was under, Morgan tried her best to make amiable conversation. "I couldn't believe it when Jordan said it was his son on stage. He just doesn't look old enough to have a teenager."

"Believe me, it was kind of a shock for most people." Rayanne replied sarcastically, before plastering a smile on her face that was just as genuine as Angela's.

"That's a really nice dress." Angela said, trying to make polite chit chat while feeling increasingly inferior. It wasn't that different from what she was wearing herself. It was black rather red but the cut was basically the same. The biggest difference was that Morgan looked completely at ease, as if it was the kind of thing she wore all of the time, while Angela felt increasingly uncomfortable and anything but chic in her own outfit.

"Oh thanks. I got it at-" Morgan began but was swiftly cut off by Rayanne.

"It's a shame about the hair though. I'd think of visiting a salon if I were you, or finding a new one."

"What?" Morgan asked uncertainly as she fingered the ends of her shoulder length blonde locks.

"Ha Ha" Angel barked, trying to make it sound like a joke, while throwing warning glances in Rayanne's direction. "She's kidding, really."

"No, I'm not." Rayanne deadpanned. "The high lights are too light and your roots are too dark."

"But I only had my roots done last week."

"I rest my case."

"Rayanne!" Angela hissed though clenched teeth as her smile grew larger.

Rayanne, however, ignored her best friend and continued regardless, becoming louder and more flamboyant with every word. "I'm a hairdresser so it's my duty to tell you that this look is doing nothing for you. The color is wrong and the style, well, it's just all wrong."

Before Rayanne could say anything else, Angela attempted to intervene again but this time her words stuck in her throat as Jordan appeared at Morgan's side. Jordan must have heard at least part of what Rayanne had said but even if he had not, it was obvious that something had occurred by the shocked expression on Morgan's face. It seemed as if she could not quite believe that someone had been so rude directly to her face but that disbelief could easily turn to anger or tears. Angela felt like she should apologize or reassure the girl that there was nothing wrong with her hair, which would basically be the truth, but by placing his hand at the small of Morgan's back, Jordan seemed to have the situation covered himself and it made her blood boil.

"Come on, lets go track Tino down. He owes you a beer too." Jordan said to Morgan as he glared at Rayanne.

"Yeah, sure." Morgan replied as she allowed him to start steering her away.

After taking a few steps, Jordan turned and Angela thought his expression softened slightly as he looked at her. For a moment, she thought he was going to say something but he just shook his head slightly before turning away once more and the couple started to disappear in the crowd.

"Why did you say that?" Angela turned on Rayanne as soon as they were out of earshot.

"What?" Rayanne replied, feigning innocence.

"You know what! You were horrible to her, for like no reason."

"No reason? Oh, please." Rayanne scoffed. "She's obviously his entertainment for the night, or whatever, so I was only doing what a best friend should do."

"You were being a bitch."

"It's not being a bitch if you're telling the truth. Her roots do need redoing. I could have said worse. I mean, did you see those boobs? Boobs that look that firm are never real. She's this close to being a walking Barbie doll."

"I thought she looked nice." Brian chipped in, reminding them of his presence.

"Shut up, Krakow. No one asked you." Rayanne replied before turning back to Angela. "Look, he's your ex so you can't be a bitch. You have to rise above it, or whatever. As your best friend, I don't have to worry about looking petty. I'm supposed to be a bitch. It's, like, my job."

Angela could not see the logic but didn't think it was worth arguing about. Instead she just sighed and decided to forget the whole thing. "Whatever. I'm going to see if I can find Sharon."

"I think she's still backstage." Rayanne replied but Angela either didn't hear or chose to ignore her and stomped off in the opposite direction to Jordan.

"I can't believe how hot Mike is tonight. I mean, wow." Amy said as she gazed into the restroom mirror and vainly tried to fix her makeup. What had been carefully applied just hours before had now practically disappeared thanks to her enthusiastic dancing in the sticky heat of the crowded venue. "He's always been hot, like, majorly but seeing him up on stage has given me a whole new perspective. I keep wondering if I'm going to have a better time when we're, you know. Not that I'm not having a great time already but it's like I see this whole new side to him or something."

Rebecca quickly scanned the restroom to make sure that no one was paying them any attention before she pulled Amy into the corner and reached into her bag.

"What about you?" Amy continued. "Do you think Edward's hotter now? I've never seen what the attraction was with Edward because he's like my oldest friend but I have to admit he was looking pretty good on that stage. I think it's effecting the older generation too. Mike said they caught Sharon making out with Shane back stage and that was before they even played. Has Edward said anything about it to you because seeing your mom making out with your drummer could be kind of disturbing? But I suppose he can't be that disturbed and still go on stage as if nothing happened. I guess the music is, like, more important or something. It's going to be so amazing if they get to play again. "

"Want some?" Rebecca asked, producing a bottle of her father's restaurant brandy and effectively cutting off Amy's constant stream of chatter.

"Oh my God, my mother's here!" Amy replied as she watched Rebecca pour a large measure into her half empty coke can. Even though she knew her mother was somewhere outside, she couldn't help sweeping the room again just to make sure they were still unwatched.

"So?"

"So she'll haemorrhage if she sees you drinking. You're crazy if you think getting drunk in front of actual adults is a good idea."

"She'll never know." Rebecca replied, not commenting on the fact that Angela seemed to be knocking back her fair share of the drinks anyway. "Besides, I'm not going to get drunk… This is just a bit of liquid courage, that's all."

"Why do you need courage, liquid or otherwise?"

"You know this party Edward's having tonight?"

"Hardly a party. It's just going to be the band, minus Shane of course, and us." Amy said. "It's more like an intimate soirée."

"Yeah. Intimate's the right word." Rebecca said with a frown." You see, the thing is, this party is, well it's just not."

"Not what?"

"Not happening."

"What? Why?" Amy didn't care if there was a limited guest list. She was looking forward to celebrating with her favorite boys after the competition.

"Before we get to Edward's house, Mike is going to ask you to go over to his place instead and I'm supposed to encourage you to say yes. I'm not sure what Steve is supposed to say but Edward assures me he'll get the message that he has to be elsewhere. So it's just going to be me and him… alone… for like the whole night. Edward's got it all planned."

"Rebecca, that's so cool. That's…" Amy trailed off as her excitement dwindled. "You don't look like you think it's cool."

"No, it is. It is cool. I just… I guess I'm nervous. But, I'm allowed to be nervous, right? I mean, it's just first time jitters. A bit more liquid courage and I'll hardly feel them. Besides, I've come to the conclusion that it's tragic to make such a big deal over this thing that's probably going to be over in, like, three seconds."

"Rebecca…"

"Really, it's fine. I can do this. I can. I want to do this." Rebecca could see that her words were doing as little to convince Amy as they were herself so decided that a change of subject was in order. "So, you met Tino? I can't believe I missed him. What's he like?"

"He seems…I mean, what does meeting someone prove, right?" Amy replied.

Mike had finally managed to track his uncle down but she had only met him for a few minutes so, in her humble opinion, it wasn't enough time to form a full assessment. However, Tino had not been what she was expecting. For all intents and purposes, he was basically Mike's father figure but he didn't come across as fatherly. He was nice enough to her, or he wasn't rude at least, and he seemed genuine when he praised Mike's guitar playing but she couldn't imagine him ever asking how school was or enquiring whether Mike had finished his homework. She couldn't imagine him cooking family meals or doing fatherly things like going to ball games and he didn't look like a dad at all. However, her boyfriend clearly adored the older man and she trusted him so she decided to defer her judgment for the time being. Also, she could see what Rebecca was trying to do and was determined not to be sidetracked.

"So, if Edward's got everything planned, how come I haven't heard about it until now?" Amy asked

"Because he didn't want to give the game away. If Sharon knew what was really going to be happening in her house tonight, she wouldn't be staying at Rayanne's."

"Oh please, like I would go and tell Sharon!"

"He didn't tell Mike either until earlier tonight. I asked him not to." Rebecca explained. "It's embarrassing enough knowing that people will know without my virginity being up for public debate."

" It doesn't have to happen, I mean, if you're not ready, or whatever." Amy tried. "Maybe you should talk to Edward."

"We have talked…sort of."

"Well, I can talk to him, if you want? I mean, if you're feeling pressured or something."

"I'm not feeling pressured." Rebecca lied. "I've decide to do it so I'm just going to. There's really nothing else to talk about. Besides, I made this whole big deal about how no one should know but us because it's, like, private stuff so I shouldn't really have said anything to you at all."

"But-"

"No, really. It's fine. You don't need to talk to him about it." Rebecca interrupted. She made sure that her stolen alcohol was safely stowed in her bag and moved towards the door. "Come on. We'd better get back out there. They'll be announcing which bands are in the Final soon."

Amy wanted to say more but it was obvious that Rebecca considered the conversation over and she felt no choice but to follow her back out into the crowd.

By the time they returned the group, Shane and Sharon had joined Rayanne and the boys but Angela was still nowhere to be seen. Before Amy could ask where her mother had gone, a lone man took to the stage. The crowd heckled and jeered but Year Zero fell silent for the first time that night. As the noise level in the room slowly started to descend, the man on stage began to speak into his microphone.

"Okay, the judges have made their final decision and the results are in." He started, only for the audience to erupt once more, causing him to pause for a few minutes until they had settled down again. "As you all know, only three bands are going to be asked back on stage to perform again and only one of those bands will be crowned winner."

Amy groaned as his words created another cacophony of noise as people began to scream the names of their favorite band towards the stage. It was impossible to say whether anyone was screaming Year Zero's name amongst all the clamor but, to Amy, it didn't matter. She just wanted them all to shut the hell up so the man on stage could get on with it and from the set of Mike's jaw she knew that he was thinking exactly the same thing. The seconds that it took for order to be restored seemed to last for hours as the band shifted nervously, trying and failing to look as if what the man was about to say wasn't the single most important thing to them at that moment.

"Now, before we announce our top three, we have a tradition here at Pike Street, of announcing the band that came so near but just didn't quite make it; the band that would be in fourth place, if we had a fourth place. This year there were a lot of great acts but our honorary fourth place can only go to one of them and the act we've chosen is one to watch out for. We expect good things from these guys in the next few years and definitely want to see them back here. A round of applause please for…Year Zero!"

Amy hardly registered the applause that filled the air. Her face fell as the realization that they hadn't gotten into the final sank in. The boys had pinned their hopes on doing well in the competition only to have them dashed and Amy wasn't the only one to be looking at them with concern. Rebecca, Sharon and Rayanne looked just as worried as to how the boys would react. It seemed as if it took a moment for the announcement to sink in for the boys as well because, while the audience screamed and shouted their praise around them, the boys were silent. When they did react, rather than the scowls and disappointment the girls expected, they burst into triumphant whoops and hollers.

"Forth place. Hell yeah!" Edward shouted as they traded high fives and before she knew what was happening, Rebecca was swept up in his arms and twirled around only to be deposited seconds later next to a smiling Amy.

"I don't get it." Sharon said to Shane as she stepped out of the way of the boys as they jumped around with an energy that only teenagers can possess. "They're not in the final. Where are the tears and the tantrums?"

"We came in fourth! Out of ten bands we came in fourth!" Shane smiled. He may not have been jumping around like the younger boys but their jubilant excitement was infectious and, almost without thinking, he pulled Sharon towards him and delivered a kiss to rival the ones they had shared backstage.

They had only come up for air for a few seconds when Shane was reluctantly pulled away by the boys to join them in some group photographs that Brian was taking. Sharon knew she was grinning like a fool but she didn't care. She just hoped that once all of the excitement had died down, Shane would still want to kiss her in exactly the same way.

Jordan stepped away from the bar, glass of Jack Daniels in both hands, and realized that he could not face going back to his friends. As the testing of theories went, his attempt had mixed results. He couldn't believe that he thought picking up a girl would be the solution to his problems. Not that there was anything wrong with her. She was as physically perfect as it was possible to get, the kind of woman who stopped traffic, and she smelled amazing, though that was probably just her perfume or something. So, in one sense his experiment had been a complete success. However, in another sense, it was a complete failure because now he'd gotten the girl, he found that he didn't really desire her all that much. She just didn't hold his interest to the point where he'd already forgotten what her name was. It began with an M but that was as much as he could remember and he felt guilty because she actually seemed like a genuinely nice person. He should never have let her follow him when he went to see Edward after Year Zero's set. He hadn't heard everything that Rayanne had said but he got the general gist and it was enough to turn the girl from bright and bubbly to slightly paranoid and now she was just trying too hard; or maybe he wasn't trying hard enough.

The only conclusion he could come to was that he had finally gone completely insane; that Angela Chase had driven him insane. When this beautiful woman babbled nervously in an attempt to fill the lull in their conversation and keep his attention, all he could think was that it wasn't so annoying when Angela did it, that sometimes it was even sort of cute. When she lifted her hand to her hair, he waited with baited breath for her to tuck it behind her ears and was disappointed when she merely flicked it over her shoulder. When she brushed against him, giving out every signal possible that he was on to a sure thing without jumping his bones then and there, he couldn't help but wish that her lips were not quite so full and that her eyes, lovely as they were, were just a slightly different color. She was pretty and fun and, most importantly, single but he found that what he really desired was what he had desired all those years ago. What he really wanted was Angela Chase and every single one of her flaws.

The more she drank, the harder she was trying and the more he drank, the more irritable he was becoming so getting them both a refill probably wasn't the best idea he ever had but it was a good excuse to get away for a moment. His intention had been to mentally pull himself together, tell himself to stop obsessing over Angela and get back in the zone. If there was one thing he knew how to do, it was pick women up in bars but the more he thought about it the more he realized that there wasn't really much point if the woman you left with wasn't the one you wanted. Besides, he felt guilty for approaching her in the first place and didn't want to use her. He already knew that if he allowed the evening to reach its inevitable, predictable ending, he would only end up deleting her number from his cell phone without calling. She probably already knew that he wouldn't call but she would still go home with him if he asked and she would still leave her number because that was just the way it was done. That was the ritual, it was what was expected. It was certainly what his friends and her friends expected. It might even earn them kudos from those with less pulling power but, in reality, they would just be using each other for instant gratification that probably wouldn't be that good and would certainly be forgotten seconds later. It was just all so pointless but, as Jordan reflected on the hundreds of Saturday nights already past, it seemed as if one night stands were all he was good for and the thought left him with a sour taste in his mouth.

Looking for an escape route, Jordan saw a familiar, friendly face in one of the few quite spots left in Pike Street. He downed what would have been the girl's drink, deposited the glass on a nearby table and started to walk in a much more welcome direction.

"Hey," Jordan said as he leaned against the wall next to Jenny and lit a cigarette. It was quiet enough in the far corner that he didn't have to shout but he could still feel the vibration of the bass in the wall behind him

"Hey," she replied. "You got a spare one of those?"

"I thought you quit." he said but he handed her the cigarette anyway and reached into the pack to pull another one out for himself.

"I did but I have, like, actual depression. Wallowing in self pity really brings out my nicotine craving." Rather than ask what the problem was, Jordan just looked at her with raised eyebrows forcing her to explain. "I was supposed to be meeting a guy here tonight."

"What guy?"

Sometimes she wished she could detect a hint of jealousy when he asked questions like that but it had become pretty obvious to her that he asked for an entirely different purpose. Jordan was getting just as bad as Shane when it came to doing the over protective big brother thing.

"Just a guy." Jenny replied with a wry smile."It doesn't matter. He didn't show. Hence the wallowing. What's your excuse?"

"I'm not wallowing." Jordan protested, taking a large gulp of his JD.

"No, you've just found the quietest possible corner of the building in which to drown your sorrows. Hardly the life and soul of the party."

Jordan ran his hands through his hair and sighed. "Have you ever felt like… I mean it just seems that I belong with no one. That I don't… fit. At least not with anything more than a quick, meaningless lay… and that's getting kind of old."

"Wow, I suddenly feel shallow. I'm moaning about some guy who I didn't even like that much to begin with and you're having a full on existential crisis."

"A what?" Jordan asked

"You know, a questioning the meaning of life kind of crisis. The answer's 42, by the way." She tried to joke but when he looked at her in confusion she shook her head. "Never mind."

They stood in silence for a moment, each lost in their own thoughts, while they smoked. One of the things he appreciated about Jenny was her ability to just be there without filling the silence with meaningless words. Shane could be the same way so maybe it ran in the genes or something. However, the longer they stood there, just leaning, the more he realized that maybe he wanted to talk. Maybe he needed to. He wouldn't have said anything existential if he didn't want to talk about it, or rather, talk about her. Maybe if he talked about her he would be able to stop thinking about her.

"If it makes you feel better, my crisis isn't about numbers. It's sort of about a girl."

Well, duh squared, she thought before speaking. "Sharon?"

"Nah," He replied. "Things with Sharon are complicated. We've got stuff we need to figure out but we're not, like, interested in each other. Not like that."

"So who?" She asked, bumping his hip with her own teasingly. "The blond I saw you talking to?"

"No," he replied with a self mocking snort. "Definitely not…I want to say Megan but I've got no idea."

"Good. If you can't remember their name, it generally means you can do better." Jenny said. "You going to tell me who before this turns into twenty questions?"

For a moment she thought he wasn't going to answer and when he did finally speak, he didn't look at her, choosing to concentrate on flicking his cigarette butt on the floor and grinding it out with his boot.

"Angela Chase… she was at Vertigo that one time, remember?"

"Yeah. I remember her husband being there too." Jenny pointed out. "What if he finds out?"

"He's not going to find out. I mean, there's nothing to find out because nothing's, like, happened."

"No offence, but you can do better than being the other man too. I've seen the crowd in Vertigo when you play. Not a dry pair of panties in the place by the time you get off stage. You could take your pick."

"Maybe I don't deserve to," he sighed. "I've done some really shitty things in my life so maybe this is like, my punishment, you know? This place is packed with pretty girls. There's nothing wrong with them at all. Even Megan or whatever her name is, you know? But it's just not enough any more…they're not, like, real to me. Angela Chase might not be perfect but she's real and I can't get her out of my head."

"It's okay. I understand."

"No, you don't understand. I mean, you don't understand because - you don't - you couldn't!"

Oh, you're right Jordan, she thought. I couldn't possibly understand having an obsession for a person I have zero hope of ever becoming involved with. But she couldn't say that out loud. Not to him and not when he was so obviously hurting because he was in love with someone else, whether he realized his feelings went that deep or not. So instead, she did the only thing she could, which was to wrap her arms around his neck and rest her head on his shoulder.

"We're hopeless." she muttered and although he didn't say anything, she felt him nod slightly as he hugged her back, seeking nothing more than the innocent comfort she was offering.

The moment was broken when a figure stumbled upon their isolated corner, causing them both to look up and take a step apart. It seemed that Angela Chase was just as surprised to see them as they were to see her and she turned around almost immediately. However, rather than stepping back into the crowd and disappearing she hovered at it's edge, not looking at them but not quite ignoring them either.

Jenny didn't know what was going through Jordan's mind and she didn't know whether she was doing the right thing but, one way or another, whatever was going on between him and Angela had to play itself out and the sooner the better for everyone involved; possibly even including her.

"It's okay." Shre said but rather than reply Jordan just looked at her. She titled her head in Angela's direction. "Really. Go."

Jordan took a deep breath and walked towards her, trying to figure out what his opening line should be. When he reached her, it was Angela that spoke first.

"I've lost everyone. I …urm …I guess I just need to find Amy or Rayanne. You haven't seen any of them have you?"

The last time he had seen Amy was just after Edward came off stage and, as for Rayanne, he was pretty sure that the last time he saw her, she was wrapped around some biker.

"Not for a while." He replied.

"Oh…" Angela started only to trail off awkwardly.

She was just about to open her mouth to speak again when the crowd moved behind her, pushing her from behind unexpectedly and sending her tottering forward on Rayanne's killer heels. Jordan caught her before she toppled but she was just as embarrassed as she would have been if she had hit the floor.

"These aren't my shoes…"

Despite the fact that she was steady on her feet once more, Jordan's arm remained around her, holding her close to him. She was so close that she could feel his breath on her skin and his normally captivating eyes could not hold her attention. When she looked up at him, all she could see was the shape of his lips centimeters away from her own. For a brief moment she didn't care where Amy or Rayanne were. She didn't care that she had had a bit too much to drink and wasn't completely in control of herself. She didn't care about anything but what it would feel like to have his lips on hers. It seemed as if Jordan only cared for the exact same thing because he titled his head towards hers and she felt her eyelids start to drop in expectation at the same time as her lips opened slightly in anticipation. It wasn't until he was tantalizingly close that he spoke.

"Why am I like this?" he whispered gruffly, only just loud enough for her to hear.

"Like what?" She replied breathlessly

"Like how I am."

"How are you?" she asked in the same hushed tones but he had already released her and was moving away. She raised her voice over the sound of the music and shouted. "How are you?" but he didn't turn around to answer. He just kept walking and once again she was left alone, completely dumbfounded by something that Jordan Catalano had done.

Angela circled the room for what felt like the thousand time but it wasn't surprising that she was having difficulty finding her group. Her mind wasn't exactly on the task at hand. It was too preoccupied with trying to figure out what just happened and why but to figure that out she would have to understand the inner workings of Jordan Catalano's mind and that seemed like an impossibility, especially when she had had more than her fair share of vodka and tonics and things were starting to get a little blurred around the edges. The more she thought about it, the more her head ached. The volume of the music wasn't helping and it felt as if she had gone from slightly drunk straight to hung over, skipping the passing out that was supposed to come in between.

"Angelika!" Rayanne shouted, bringing Angela out of her thoughts.

Rayanne waved to make sure she had her attention and made some 'don't move' hand signals, turned to the man whose arms she was in and gave him a quick kiss before bounding over.

"Where have you been? You missed, like, everything!"

"Who's that?" Angela asked, gesturing in the man's direction. She was aiming for discreet but failed miserably. Luckily, Rayanne didn't seem to mind

"That's Frankie." Rayanne replied with a self satisfied smile, blatantly looking him up and down. "Told you he looked good."

"He looks young."

"He's 27 and he acts like it too. The sex is still amazing. I'm actually in danger of having to keep my promise to Sharon and make him buy me dinner."

"Where is Sharon?"

"She's backstage. She said she was going to help Shane pack up all of the band's equipment but I'd bet a hundred bucks they're really just making out."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah. Big time." Rayanne grinned. "It's about time too. I think she's invited him to Let's Bolt so we'll have to wait until we're back at my place for her to dish the dirt."

"So if you're with Frankie and Sharon's back stage, who's watching the kids?"

"Relax. They're just dancing over there." Rayanne replied, pointing over to the dance floor. "I've been keeping an eye on them."

"Oh…thanks." Angela said guiltily.

It should have been her keeping an eye on the kids rather than wandering around and being almost kissed by Jordan Catalano. Having said that, watching them jump around to the sound of the very loud band on stage wasn't doing anything to improve her disposition. In fact, the only thing that she would think of that would make her feel worse was having to take to a dance floor herself.

"Listen, Rayanne, about Let's Bolt. I think I'm going to have to pass."

"What? Why? Is this about Jordan Catalano and that girl he picked up because I doubt they're even going to be there."

"No, it's not about him," Angela lied. "I guess I just feel a little sick."

"Uh huh." Rayanne replied, tone of voice showing that she didn't believe Angela at all.

"So, I think I'm going to go, like now." Angela continued. "Can you, like, watch the girls for me? I mean, they're having such a good time and it would be a shame to spoil their night but they can't stay here unsupervised. I mean…"

"Don't worry, I've got it covered. I'm like the only sober adult in this place, which is a something our high school guidance teacher probably thought I would never say, so a bit of passive babysitting will be a breeze."

"Great. Thanks. I'll call you tomorrow." Angela said, giving Rayanne a quick peck on the cheek before heading for the exit. She made it about half way before nearly going sprawling on her killer heels once more. "Jesus, Krakow, what are you doing?"

"I was putting my camera away." Brian replied as he crouched over his bag and finished zipping it up. "Ever thought to look where you're going?"

"Whatever." She threw in his direction before starting to stomp off but after a few steps she stopped and turned around again. "So are you, like, leaving now?"

"Yeah."

"I'm sort of leaving too so, seeing as we're like neighbors, it would be sort of convenient…I mean if there was any way that I could go along. Not to your place, obviously. I mean to mine, you know, if you could just drop me off on your way?"

Brian rolled his eyes. Some things never changed. Angela Chase was still asking him to do stuff for her and he was still unable to say no.

Brian's car turned out to be some kind of Volvo. Something as safe and predictable as its owner. As Angela sank into the passenger seat, her headache started to subside only to be replaced by a slight nausea and she began to really regret her last five or so drinks. In an effort to distract herself from the sickly feeling in her stomach, she decided that conversation was needed but Brian beat her to it.

"So why are you leaving early? Aren't you supposed to be going to Let's Bolt?" he asked

"I just don't feel so good. I guess I'm not in the mood, or whatever."

"Yeah, you don't look so good. Try not to puke in my car."

"God, why do you have to say things like that!"

"Why do you have to..." Brian began but the end of his question was left unspoken.

"Why, do I what, Brian?"

"Never mind." He replied with a shake of his head and they fell into silence for half a mile or so before he spoke again. "Does this involve Jordan Catalano?"

"Why would this have anything to do with Jordan Catalano?"

"I don't know. I just thought-" He started only for her to interrupt him.

"We are not talking about Jordan Catalano…ever again."

"We're not?" He asked but Angela just scowled out of the window rather than answering. "Ok, we're not."

Another mile passed in silence and Angela grew increasingly guilty for her behavior. When she was a teenager she was always asking Brian Krakow for favors and then being rude to him rather than grateful. As an adult, she thought she should know better but, now that Brian Krakow was back in her life, she was treating him as she always used to. It wasn't fair and she resolved to treat him better. Trying for easy conversation and an amiable tone, she decided to break the silence.

"So, have you and Emma finished redecorating your new house?"

"Almost," Brian replied. "There are still a few rooms that Emma's thinking about repapering though."

"Oh."

"Yeah… and you know, with wallpaper, there's like hundreds of patterns and whatever you choose you have to live with for a long time, or whatever."

"Yeah, I guess."

"And maybe there's nothing wrong with the wallpaper you already have. I mean, maybe it's been there for a long time and maybe it's not as new as it used to be but that doesn't mean that you can just get rid of it, because maybe it's, like, not that simple."

"You can just rent one of those steam things." Angela said. "It makes it so much easier."

"Yeah..." Brian sighed. "but my point is, the new paper might look really good for a while… maybe it even reminds you of paper you used to have years ago… but what happens if later on you realize that you did prefer the paper that was already there and now there's, like, no way you can get it back. I mean, what do you do then? You just have to live with it and let it destroy you."

"Brian, it's just wallpaper." Angela replied, as he pulled up outside her house "You're thinking about it way too deeply, in my humble opinion. Thanks for the ride."

"Anytime." he frowned as he watched her walk to her door and let herself in.

Rather than pull away when the door shut behind her, Brian reached behind his seat and pulled his camera case onto his lap. The small digital screen seemed unbelievably bright in the dark interior of the car when he switched it on and, despite the lighting in Pike Street leaving a lot to be desired, it was impossible to deny who the figures he had captured were. The thing that had attracted him to photography many years ago was the idea that he would be able to watch life without having to be part of it but sometimes you become a part of it anyway. By taking the picture, you become burdened with unwanted knowledge and even though the people in the frame are oblivious to your existence, you feel like you're standing right next to them.

He tried to evaluate the picture from a purely artistic point of view. The sharpness of the two figures contrasted nicely with the blurred people behind them. He liked the way that what little light there was fell across their faces, capturing the intense passion in his eyes and the heavy lidded desire in hers. However, he couldn't convince himself that the subjects were just models, posing for a photo shoot, or something. He'd stopped clicking and turned away before anything really happened but the photo's existence was enough proof to him that it actually had. When two people looked at each other like that, it seemed impossible to him that nothing could happen. He cursed his bad luck. Why was it always him pointing his camera in the wrong direction at the wrong time? Why was it always him seeing things he didn't want to see? Why was he incapable of confronting Angela Chase and only able to babble on about wallpaper when she had no knowledge of that long ago conversation with Mr. Chase that seemed so enlightening at the time but was obviously meaningless now? He felt like he should talk to her about it because that is what a friend would do but he just hadn't been able to find the words. Maybe he should talk to Jordan instead because they were sort of friends too, in a way, but then what about Damon? Wasn't he sort of his friend as well? Faced with such a moral dilemma, Brian reasoned that the only thing he could do was stay out of it. He may not agree with what was happening, he may feel concerned for everyone involved but, at the end of the day, it really was none of his business.

Brian's finger hovered over the delete button for a few seconds before stabbing down decisively. He thought he would feel better about the whole thing once the evidence had been destroyed but he quickly realized that wasn't the case. Deleting the photo couldn't undo what had happened; removing it from existence wouldn't erase what he had seen from his memory.

"Ok, now remember the rules. Edward, are you listening to me?" Sharon said, after pulling him away from his friends. Their evening at Pike Street had come to an end and before the kids escaped, she wanted to make sure that she wouldn't be walking into a trashed house the following morning.

"Yeah." he replied.

"Don't let things get out of control. I want you to have fun but don't get too loud because if anyone complains to that tight ass neighbourhod watch, they're not going to be so understanding about the noise you make during practice. And there is to be absolutely no drinking in my house. Okay?"

"Yeah, I get it."

"Good. We're just going to Let's Bolt. I've got my cell phone with me so if there're any problems you can just call me."

Even if he was throwing the after show party Sharon thought he was throwing, he would have thought she was worrying needlessly. He rolled his eyes and was about to tell her to chill out but was sidetracked when he saw who Rayanne was standing with in the taxi line.

"Is Shane going to Let's Bolt too?" he asked sullenly.

"I thought you liked Shane?"

"I did until a few hours ago."

"You still do." Sharon replied but continued when she got no response. "You might think you'd prefer it if I was some kind of Amish mom who didn't dance, didn't sing, didn't have any fun at all but then you'd be an Amish boy and that would suck."

"It wouldn't be so bad." He said, "I could be Amish. I'd just have to go acoustic."

"You wouldn't last a week without your amp and you know it." Sharon smiled, taking his sarcastic reply as a sign that he wasn't completely opposed to the idea of her and Shane. "The way I see it, we have two choices. We can either enjoy what's left of a fantastic night and discuss this in the morning or we can go home and discuss it now."

"No," Edward swiftly replied, "We don't have to discuss it tonight. Really."

"Okay. I really was proud of you tonight, you know?" Sharon said, settling for a small tug of his sleeve rather than trying to hug him again. He was a teenage boy after all. Receiving even well deserved hugs from his mother in front of his friends had been the epitome of embarrassment since he hit puberty and she had reached her quota for the evening, or probably the whole year, quite a few hours earlier.

Before he could respond, the air was filled with the sound of Rayanne calling her name from the front of the taxi line. Once she was sure that she had Sharon's attention, she dived into the waiting cab but Shane remained standing, holding the door open and waiting for her. She requested one more quick promise of good behavior before leaving her son and going to join them. She passed Jordan on her way and they shared a tense nod of acknowledgement as they headed in different directions. It was the most contact she had had with him all evening and the realization made her pause for a second. She felt as if she should say something to him, share a moment of parental pride in their son, but she couldn't think of the right words to use when they were becoming so accustomed to ignoring each other as much as possible. So, she let him walk away knowing that he was walking in Edward's direction. Things between her and Jordan were far from good but at least father and son relations were still progressing.

"Hey." Jordan said in his customary greeting.

It was the first time Edward had seen Jordan for hours and he was desperate to ask whether the results of the competition had swayed Jordan's opinion of their performance. Did he think they should have made the final? Was he disappointed that they hadn't? Did he still think they played the best set they possibly could have? However, when he realized that Jordan was alone, it was another question that he asked.

"Where is she?"

"Who?"

"The girl." Edward struggled with how to describe her because all his teenage hormones remembered was blond hair, boobs and hotness so he was grateful when her name popped into his head. "Morgan?"

"Oh, yeah. Morgan." Jordan replied, sounding as if he'd just been reminded of the name of a long lost acquaintance. It only took a second for the remembrance to fade to guilt at the way he had treated her. Her friends certainly seemed to think he was the lowest of the low and gave him a dirty look he no doubt deserved as he passed them on the way out. "I, err …I think she left already."

"She left? I thought you and her, you know, were like going to leave together?"

Jordan ran his hands through his hair as he thought of a reply that wouldn't be so complicated that it would lead to a thousand other question.

"I guess I just wasn't feeling it. We didn't, like, connect or something." He finally managed.

"Oh," Edward replied, thinking that if he didn't have Rebecca and was in Jordan's shoes he would have had no problem connecting whatsoever. "So are you going to Let's Bolt?

"Nah, there's an afterhours staff party at Vertigo."

"You don't work at Vertigo."

"No, but he has friends in high places. I will definitely be telling my boss all about the amazing set you guy's played. I'm sure we can find a spot for you on our stage too." Jenny replied for Jordan as she joined them and gave Edward the hug his mother thought would have been one to many. Strangely enough Edward didn't seem to mind this time around. "Don't suppose either of you've seen my big bro?"

"Not for hours. Last time was before the competition started." Jordan shrugged.

"Me too. If I didn't know any better I'd think he was avoiding us, which is a shame because I wanted to borrow 50 bucks."

"I think he's just been…busy." Edward said, not really wanting to go into who he had been busy with. "He went to Let's Bolt."

"Okay, we're going to split too." Jordan said, raising his fist for it to be bumped by Edward in what could be deemed their own macho version of a hug. "You did good, kid."

By the time Edward rejoined his friends, Steve had disappeared. As they piled into Tino's van which Mike had borrowed for the evening, Amy was the only one who questioned his absence. Edward hardly listened to the explanation Mike provided. He didn't really care where their bass player had gone or what he was up to. All he cared about was that things were going according to plan. They had all had a fantastic night and now things were due to get even better. It was finally going to happen. Not that it hadn't happened before with other people but this time it felt different. Before, he'd always thought that sex was just this thing that people had. The girls that he had been with had just offered it up with no hesitation or discussion. Rebecca was the only one who had made him wait and wait, to the point where there wasn't even a word to describe how frustrated he was. Now, the waiting was finally over. After the night he had had, he didn't think it was possible to feel excited about anything else. He thought he had used it all up before getting up on stage but it seemed as if his body had an endless supply. He just hoped that when it came to the actual act, he wouldn't get too excited. Or at least not too excited, too quickly. With the surety that Sharon would not be coming home, he wanted to take his time, make it last as long as possible. He wanted to show her exactly what she had been missing out on and he also wanted to make it nice, for lack of a better word. Girls like their first time to be nice, or so he'd heard somewhere. He had also heard that taking a girls virginity was supposed to be a turn on. He'd never been with a virgin before and rather than turning him on, it made him sort of nervous because he wasn't entirely sure what to expect and he didn't want to, like, hurt her. However, the nerves he felt couldn't compare with how much he wanted it to happen. Just the thought of it brought a smile to his face. He looked over to Rebecca expecting to see a similar expression of anticipation on her face but there was no smile to match his own. She was just staring off into space, lost in her own thoughts.

"You okay?" he asked, nudging her foot with his own to get her attention.

"Yeah." She replied. "I'm just not sure if this is a safe way to travel. I mean we must be breaking like a million transportation laws."

Personally, Edward had no problem leaving the front seat to Mike and Amy while he and Rebecca sat on the floor in the back but as they hit a small bump in the road and the equipment stacked up around them rattled, he could sort of see her point. He scooted closer and put a protective arm around her but rather than relax against him as he expected she remained tense. Knowing that Amy and Mike were paying them no attention from the front seat, Edward did the only thing he knew which relaxed her completely, which was to stroke her neck softly with his fingers before applying his lips to the same sensitive skin. It didn't take long for him to be rewarded with a barely audible sigh as she leaned into him, causing him to transfer his lips to her own. His arms tightened around her, pulling her as close as he could but as he attempted to deepen the kiss, she pulled away.

"What's the matter?" he asked, only for her to gesture towards the other couple in response. "They're not even paying attention to us."

Edward didn't understand her coyness because he was sure they'd put on larger public displays of affection in the school hallways, never once caring who could see. A glance in the direction of the front of the van confirmed that that didn't have an audience. Mike had his eyes on the road and Amy was busy with the CD player.

"But they're sitting right there." Rebecca whispered.

For a fleeting second Edward felt the familiar frustration that he had become accustomed too but rather than scowl in annoyance, his smile was soon back in place. Sure, he'd love to be making out with her right then. He'd love to be making out with her every second of every day but knowing that they would soon be alone, he reasoned that he could wait. It wasn't as if the kiss would actually lead anywhere while they were riding in the back of the van. He knew they would soon be back at his house where they could pick up exactly where they left off so there was no pointing pushing the issue now. Instead, he wrapped his arms around her once more, holding her close and stroking her hair while she slowly relaxed against him once more.

They were soon pulling up outside the Cherski residence and right on cue, Mike gave an exaggerated yawn.

"Man, I'm beat. Do you mind if I call it a night? I just want to go home and crash."

"Whatever, dude. No problem." Edward replied, hoping they sounded more natural than he thought they did.

"Party pooper." Amy pouted from the front of the cab before turning around to face Edward and Rebecca. "Looks like it's just us three then. I vote for cheesy DVDs and lots of popcorn."

She almost snorted at the look of pure panic on Edward's face before Mike came to his rescue. "Why don't you come with me? Tino's going to be out all night so we'll have the place to our selves."

"But I thought you were just going to crash." Amy replied, "Where's the fun in that?"

Edward didn't see Rebecca silently mouth 'what are you doing?' in Amy's direction or the look she received in return. He was too busy trying to think of something to say to get his plans back on track.

"Well I'm, like, tired too. It's been a big night. I guess performing on an actual stage, in front of, you know, people, really takes it out of you. You should go with Mike because I'll probably just crash too." He said.

"Well then, maybe Rebecca and I should just go back to my place and have girly sleepover."

"No! …I mean, your mom went home forever ago. You'll just wake her up or something." Edward protested, wishing he could just tell Amy the truth.

It would be so much easier if he could just say 'I want you to go away because I want to have sex with my girlfriend' but Rebecca had made a point of wanting to keep it between themselves and had been less than impressed when he had told Mike so he could hardly tell anyone else, even if it was just Amy. Looking for assistance, he nudged Rebecca and was very grateful when she started to speak.

"Yeah. You should totally go with Mike."

"Are you sure?" Amy asked.

"Yeah …totally." Rebecca replied

"Really? Amy persisted. "Because you know you don't have to right? I mean we could just hang and do girlie stuff. We could-"

"Jeez, she said she was sure." Edward said sharply, losing patience with his best friend in his eagerness to get the alone time he was looking forward to. He pulled open the van door and agilely bounced out. He turned around to grab his guitar and once it was securely strapped against his back he held his hand out to Rebecca.

"Come on." he beckoned.

For a second, she sat still, making no other movement than to look at Amy and Edward felt his irritation start to grow once more at what he viewed as another unwanted delay. It was short lived though. As soon as Rebecca spoke, his vexation was replaced with happiness.

"I'll…call you in the morning… or something." she said to Amy before scooting towards the door and hopping out.

As soon as her feet were planted on firm ground, she took the hand that he offered and he was unable to stop a triumphant smile spread across his face as he swung the van door shut behind her. Mike pulled away and the sound of the van faded as they started to walk toward the door. The rest of the neighborhood was still and their footsteps echoed as they walked up the path to his front door, emphasizing the silence between them. For the first time ever, Edward was lost for words. He had never been at a loss for stuff to talk about with her before. It made him realize that despite his past sexual experience he was sort of nervous. They weren't bad nerves. They were definitely good nerves but they made it impossible to think of the nerves she might have been feeling so, when his thumb rubbed comforting circles against the palm of her hand it was as much for his benefit as it was for hers. When they did finally reach the door, he half expected to fumble the key in the lock but it clicked effortlessly back into place and before they knew it they were inside.

Edward let go of her hand and unstrapped his guitar and as he leaned it carefully against the wall, he was happy to discover that his hands weren't shaking and his palms were not sweaty. Outwardly, he looked calm and confident and that knowledge gave him the confidence to still his nerves and take control of the situation. He turned towards her and pulled her into his arms. As Rebecca gazed up at him, wide eyed, he was struck by just how beautiful she was and how much he needed her.

"So, here we are." he whispered as he brushed her hair away from her face.

"Yeah-" she stated to whisper breathlessly back before his lips descended on hers.

Thanks for reading! ~LJ~