A/N: Hi all! Sorry for the long wait...although it seems like I say that with every update... my bad. Anywho here is the next chapter. I know that the review thing has been weird the last couple of times thats my fault. It shouldn't happen again, but if it does don't worry about it. Thanks to all of you who have kept up with the story even though I take forever to post! Hope you like this chapter! ~Lauren
B-POV
I opened the door quietly, sighing as I reached into the rusty metal box for the books and folders I would need for my afternoon classes. Lunch period had a meager fifteen minutes at best left and then I would head of to biology to meet Edward.
"So, anyway, you're coming over right after classes to get ready right? I mean, you have to there isn't much time. Do you know what you're wearing? Never mind. Don't answer that I already have something picked out for you."
I turned a raised eyebrow on my petite friend as she leaned her dainty frame against the wall of lockers beside me.
"Don't give me that look, Bella! Of course I already have something picked out for you!" She chided, sticking her tongue out to further affirm the notion.
"Of course." I breathed, allowing myself an inward bout of chuckling at her antics.
After situating my books into my bag and closing my locker I gestured for her to walk with me.
"Alice, I am capable of picking out something decent to wear." I reminded her. She just shook her head as if the thought was blasphemous.
"Well obviously, I understand you're ability to pick out various pieces of clothing and toss them together but, Bella, fashion is an art form. And you my dear are no expert to such a medium." I shot her a glare. Only Alice would find a way to intelligently insult my fashion sense.
"Besides, this isn't going to be a jeans and t-shirt kind of a night, he's not taking you bowling." She laughed at her suggestion as if the idea were preposterous.
…I like bowling…
"Well at least I can cross that possibility off my list. He hasn't told my anything about his plans for tonight, I'm starting to get worried." I told her, making the few turns necessary to reach the door of Mr. Banner's Biology classroom.
"Why would you be worried?" Alice questioned, giving me a curious look.
I just shrugged in reply, moving to lean against the wall just outside the doorway. We still had about five minutes before the warning bell would ring.
"I don't know. I just don't want him to go overboard. I would be completely fine with dinner and movie, or just a movie even. As long as we get to spend time together I'm happy." I smiled a bit to myself at the idea of time spent alone with him.
"Ugh, you're so low maintenance." She complained with an exaggerated role of her eyes.
"You say that like it's a bad thing?" I remarked. Since when is being 'low maintenance' a bad thing. It usually has pretty positive connotations.
"It's not usually, but in this case it's just down right annoying!" She exclaimed in an exasperated sort of way only Alice could pull off.
"You're insane." I concluded, glancing down the hallway toward the nearest clock. Two minutes till the warning bell.
"And that's why you love me." She trilled, swinging her bag across her shoulders and turning on her heel to go to her next class. I just shook my head.
Yes, her insanity was a big part of the reason that I loved her, even for all her other impossibilities. Alice was my best friend, one of the few people I've ever bestowed upon that title. Of course, my best and, well, only friend in Phoenix was my mother. She was always there for me, even on days when I felt like she was the only person I would ever have a close relationship with.
It was becoming easier to think of my mother now without having those depressing emotions accompany said thoughts. I smiled then, glad to realize that thoughts of her, happy thoughts, would be possible for me someday. Maybe not right now, but I was working in the right direction.
I love you mom. I thought to wherever she may be right now. I knew she was out there, I felt her around me, and I would always keep her memory close to my heart.
"Hey stranger." I turned my head quickly at the sound of the familiar voice, clearing my reflective state of mind. I smiled at him as he reached for my hand.
"Hey." I breathed, securing my fingers through and around his as he pulled me through the classroom doorway.
"Mr. Cullen. Ms. Swan." Mr. Banner greeted the both of us as we walked past his desk and took our seats near the back.
I plopped my book bag onto our shared lab table and began pulling out my notebook, workbook, pencil case, and textbook in preparation for today's lecture. After I was finished I rested my nearly empty bag back down beside my chair and folded my arms across the cool onyx colored tabletop.
"Alice is kidnapping me after school." I spoke quietly to Edward, conscious of the fact that class would soon start.
"I figured as much. She's the only one that knows what I've got planned." He gave me a teasing smirk to accompany his last statement.
"No hints?" I wondered with a cheer filled tone, turning on the puppy dog charm of my kindergarten days in the hopes of procuring some sort of helpful clue.
He just laughed at my expression, lifting his fingers to smooth out the crinkle of my pleading brow.
"Nope." He stated with a note of finality. I huffed, playfully sticking my tongue out at him.
"You're no fun, I hope you know." He just smirked giving me a not-so-apologetic shrug.
"Sometimes life's just not fair." He reminded me.
"Well maybe someone could make life a bit more fair, hmm?" I teased, laughing as he rolled his eyes at me.
"I'll think about it."
Liar.
"I guess I'll just have to suffer until tonight." I concluded.
"Oh the horror." We gave each other a playful look before the sixth period bell rung loudly and brought our attention to the front of the room.
--
"Alice I'm not wearing this outfit. It's indecent at best." I had to put my foot down at some point. I warned her that it would happen. The girl had completely lost her senses. I thought, staring at the charcoal toned excuse for a shirt.
"What? There is nothing wrong with a good pair of skinny jeans and a cute black top!" I rolled my eyes at that comment.
"Alice, my entire back will be exposed if I wear this top!" I seethed at the closed bathroom door, her persistent form placed just beyond its barrier. "Have you forgotten that we live in Forks, Washington? I'm going to freeze!" I looked down toward the linoleum of her bathroom floor then, past the makeup covered counter, past my own annoyed reflection, until my gaze locked on the six inch peep toe Mark Jacob's death traps she expected me to maneuver in for the duration of the evening. "Don't even get me started on the shoes!" I stated, hoping that the warning tone of my voice wasn't lost on her.
"Stop whining! This is for Edward, remember?" I growled a little under my breath. Using the guilt card will not work Alice Cullen. Nice try.
"What could we possibly be doing that those shoes would be necessary for?" I questioned, childishly kicking the heels toward the other side of the room.
"So help me Bella, change, or I'll let Emmett pick out your outfit." My face paled at that thought, my mind producing the images of one Emmett Cullen wracking through Alice's closet…
"Can I at least have a cardigan or a jacket to cover my back? And can I wear my converse, please?" I really was whining now, and I hoped that it would work, because I wanted to enjoy the night with my boyfriend somewhere other than the emergency room.
"I'll find you a different top, but the heels stay." I heard her grumbling in a disgruntled fashion as her muffled voice moved further down the hall and closer to her room.
I sighed, pulling on the skinny jeans that she had left me with, the only article of clothing I felt halfway comfortable wearing, before I heard her knock saying that the clothes were outside the door and that any more complaints would be ignored.
I opened the door, gathering the new shirt from the hallway floor before locking myself back in to the bathroom to finish getting ready.
Turning toward the reflective glare of the mirror provided me with the usual; an image of the unoriginal, unimpressive girl that I often refer to as me. My mother used to get so mad when I called my hair mud and my eyes dirt. She would sit me down, point at her own beautiful features and gesture to our similarities in hair color. She would say that it was not dirt that draped and framed our perfect faces but sweet, milk chocolate strands instead. The stuff of desires and dreams, of Easter and Halloween. I always smiled and nodded at her fantastical thoughts. How could anyone ever look at me and even for an instant covet my features? The girl that stared back at me was contemplative, almost sarcastic in her impassive stance. As if to say 'did you really expect anything different?' I sighed, watching as she copied the movements of my hand as I pulled a brush through my tangled curls.
Alice had offered to do my make up for the night, but, much to her annoyance, I declined. She left me her entire collection however and a promise that she wouldn't be far if I happened to change my mind. I glared down at the various hair creams and lip glosses, their tubes and colors and bottles held me captivated in a curious sort of way. As if they were the puzzle pieces to a key that would somehow transform me from frog to princess. Maybe I did need Alice or Rosalie to help me…
My pride didn't like that idea, I had already told Alice I wouldn't need help and admitting defeat wasn't exactly an appealing option for me at the moment. In an attempt to distract myself, I ran my hands through the silky material of the new shirt Alice had given me. It wasn't black like the other monstrosity had been. It was a deep midnight blue and much more appealing, at least to me. I pulled off the worn T-shirt I had been wearing, and gently slid the smooth fabric around my torso. It draped nicely across my waist, the hem stopping an inch or so past the waistband of my jeans. It had straps about two inches wide in diameter and its sweetheart neckline showed just enough skin to make it comfortable.
I chanced a glance back to the familiar brown-eyed reflection and was pleasantly surprised at the confidence her features presented.
Maybe I wouldn't need that much make up… I stared back at the counter, ruffling through its confusing contents until I found a small tube of concealer, an eyeliner pencil, and a mascara wand.
I got to work, brushing the concealer just under my eyes to wipe away the dark and purple circles that seemed to be permanently etched into my skin. A side effect of junior year I suppose. I wasn't exactly comfortable with the eye make up however and in an attempt to prevent unnecessary blindness decided Alice's help would be best.
I sent her a quick text,
I surrender.
before throwing my hair into a loose knot that would rest for the remainder of the evening against the nape of my neck.
It seemed only seconds later the dark featured pixie was staring me down with her signature "I told you so" glare. Every movement of hers was smug as she scoffed at my choice of mascara shade or whatever the hell she was going on about.
"Bells this is brown, you need a darker shade to balance out your eyes. And no need for eye-liner, that stuff is too heavy."
I sighed, somehow unable to find the ability to retain any of this information she was throwing around. Like I would need it anyway…she would always find a way to take over.
"Do you care if I add a bit of eye shadow? The blue would really make your eyes pop, and it will especially work well with the shirt I chose." She was talking more to herself than to me it seemed and I just supplied her with the nod she needed to continue before allowing my brain to wonder to other, more important, less trivial matters than eye shadow and facial tones.
I was completely intrigued with whatever plans Edward had for the night. He had been so tight lipped these last few days that I was worried he might have gone over board in his efforts to make tonight nice for the both of us.
If I were being truly honest with myself I didn't really feel it necessary to go out anywhere fancy which is what I feared what with the silk and the shoes, I would be just as comfortable at the diner in Forks as long as I got to spend more time with him, alone time specifically, so that we could talk.
I was extremely curious as to how our new "honesty is the best policy" angle would work into our conversations tonight. I had a lot of questions I wanted to ask him, and I knew I would be asked to answer just as many if not more. I felt like ever since I learned of Addie's suicide a barrier has been put up between us. I wanted to bring that wall down, I wanted to feel so totally comfortable with him that even talking about the most difficult things like Addie's suicide, or Andy's future, or our lives after high school where no more consequential then breathing.
I wanted him to be my best friend, and my one true confidant…but I also knew to keep my priorities realistic. I wasn't Cinderella and he wasn't prince charming. Our lives didn't form together to produce the stuff of fairytales. We were both very mangled and very broken people, shaped by unfortunate circumstance and heartache.
I sighed.
"How much longer, Alice?" I wondered aloud, wanting to see him, to have my chance at bringing down his walls, wanting to give him the chance to break down mine.
"You know, you're being very cranky right now and I don't appreciate it." She huffed, her bell like tone taking on a perturbed quality.
"I don't mean to be rude, I'm just anxious I guess. Nervous." I admitted, quietly. The realization almost felt personal, and I worried at how Alice would interpret that statement.
"You two are so cute, you're still nervous around each other." She pinched my cheek in an attempt to highlight her words. I scowled at her.
"You're telling me you don't get the least bit nervous around Jasper?" I raised an incredulous brow at her, but earned a soft shrug in return.
"You will learn quickly Bella, that keeping things from me is entirely impossible. I will find out some way or another. And Jasper, try as he may, never seems to be able to plan something without me knowing. That's why I already know what he's getting me for our anniversary." She smirked, seeming exceptionally happy with herself.
"You already know what he's getting you? How?" This time it was her turn to give me an incredulous look.
"A women never discusses her secrets! And I know how unwilling you are to except gifts let alone surprises and I wouldn't want to ruin Edward's fun by spoiling the whole evening to you, now would I?"
"Actually, I would find that quite enjoyable!" I teased right back, hoping she would take the bait but knowing that my fishing line would inevitably come back empty.
"No way, he is so damn excited about this I am not ruining the surprise!" She trilled, popping the lid on one of her various make-up tubes.
"Hold still." She instructed as she traced the smooth wand around the entirety of my lips.
"Smudge." I did as I was told. "Perfect, not that the gloss will last that long once Edward gets a load of you, you look impeccable." She stated.
I nearly snorted at that sentiment.
"Sure, sure. Thanks Alice. You're a lifesaver." I gave her a small smile and made my way toward the closed bathroom door.
"Ah, ah not so fast missy. You don't think I'd let you leave without these do you?" I turned back to face her and my eyes locked on the shoes dangling from her little finger.
"Alice, if you love me at all, you will not make me wear those!" I pleaded, turning the full force of the puppy dog look on her in the hopes that it would deter her life threatening desires to have me wear those.
"Not a chance, guilt trips don't work on me, and you're looking at the master of the puppy dog pout." She confirmed my disappointed thoughts by shoving the leather and plastic death traps into my arms and shooing me out the door.
"Todaloo princess, have fun tonight!" She gave my cheek a quick peck before all but throwing me down the stairs.
"He's downstairs waiting for you!" I growled a bit at her nonchalance. Wondering briefly if she would have already taken and hidden my comfortable converse sneakers…probably.
I walked down the stairs barefoot, not willing to take any chance of tripping and breaking my face trying to pioneer the grand staircase in six-inch heels.
I kept my eyes locked with the wooden steps as I made my way one-by-one to an awaiting Edward.
"You look beautiful." I heard him whisper as I took my last step. I smiled up at him, grateful for his compliment.
"You're not so bad yourself." I teased, taking in his dark jeans and matching button down. He was, of course, flawless.
I bet it only took him five minutes to get ready…stupid pixies.
I felt his arms encase my waist as he pulled me up onto my tiptoes to press his lips to my own. I sighed into his touch, forgetting my nervousness, forgetting my worries, forgetting everything except him, and what this night would mean for our relationship.
He was the first to pull back, and I pouted a little bit at the loss of his familiar lips. He smirked at me. "I missed you too." He whispered after a moment or two. Of course he would know how anxious I was to be with him.
"Are you ready to go?" He questioned after a few moments. I nodded, sighing as I bent down to put on the ridiculous footwear Alice insisted on. He held my wrist back, taking the shoes in his hand and holding a solitary finger to his lips.
He walked to the front door, tossing me my jacket before disappearing into the hall closet for just a moment. He returned not two seconds later with a simple pair of ballet flats; I swear I fell in love with him just a little bit more.
I felt a huge sigh of relief leave me as I all but knocked him over with my exuberant hug.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I whispered my mantra over and over again accenting the words with a quick peck to his cheek.
"You're most welcome, I didn't want to be worrying that you would trip all night. I found these in Esme's closet while Alice had you locked in the bathroom for the last half hour.
"Did I ever tell you you're the greatest boyfriend ever?" I wondered aloud, my voice teasing. His face brightened, his cheeks turning upward to form the perfectly crooked smile I was so attuned to.
"No, I don't believe you have, but the title is most certainly appreciated." He kissed me softly.
"Are you ready to go?" He questioned not a moment later. I nodded, slipping my jacket over my bare arms before taking his hand.
The car ride to wherever we were going was silent for the most part. Edward had allowed me to fiddle with his i-pod, saying that our destination was about an hour away. That clue alone had me guessing that we were on our way to Port Angeles.
I hoped, like I had so many times in the last few days, that he wasn't planning anything overly fancy. Port Angeles was much larger than Forks, and had a lot more options for entertainment than just the meager little diner our town boasted.
I hadn't taken more than three trips to the city itself in the entirety of my life. The first time being with my parents, when I was much to young to remember our plans that day exactly. The second was in preparation for Tommy's party in which I spent the majority of said day in the Port Angeles mall, and the third for the actual party itself, the night before Edward and I started dating.
But then again, maybe we couldn't count that day as the beginning of our 'dating' relationship. No, that would have to be tonight. I laughed inwardly a bit at the revelation. Because, technically, this would be the first day in the few months that we have had a relationship that we spent time outside of his home. It was our first official date, my first official date.
I rested my head against the back of my chair, turning my chin ever so slightly to face Edward. Was this really my first date? It seemed slightly pathetic. Especially for having had a boyfriend for two and a half months like I had.
"What are you thinking about?" Edward asked me after a moment, noticing the sideways glances I was giving him. I blushed a bit.
Would it be utterly embarrassing to admit that this would be my first date? Probably. But we had both agreed on the honesty thing.
"I was just thinking about how this will be my first date." I blushed a bit at the words as they left my lips, turning my face toward the glass of the passenger window and the view that rested just beyond it.
"Really?" He questioned after a bit. I just nodded, noting the incredulous nature of his tone.
"Yea, I mean…I've gone to dances before but I don't really count those as dates, mostly because half the time I'm the one who asks the guy." I laughed to myself remembering my asking Jacob to Tommy's party.
"And I've been out on … I guess you could call them 'group dates', back when I lived in Phoenix. But this will be my first official date." I accented the words with a nod, turning to give Edward a small smile.
I was so pathetic.
"I don't believe you." He spoke after a moment. I turned abruptly at his response, and he had that crooked grin about his face. I just shook my head at him.
"Why don't you believe me?" I questioned, wanting to cross my arms over my chest or stick my tongue out at him as some sort of childish defense mechanism.
"Because, Bella you're so… you. You're interesting and funny and beautiful, why wouldn't you have been asked out before? Countless times even!" He gave me a bit of a laugh, reaching for my hand.
"It's hard to believe? You must have been really shy or quiet for people to not have noticed you." I gave him a shrug, my face flushing at his compliments…my mind not entirely allowing myself to believe them.
"I was pretty socially inept, I guess you could say. I wasn't interested in the parties that a lot of the girls in my class would go to on the weekends. I preferred staying home and reading or spending time with my mom…" I breathed a heavy sigh. I will not cry tonight.
"Still. It's hard to believe. At any rate, I'm glad to be taking you on you're first date Ms. Swan." He teased, twining my fingers with his as we continued into the city limits of Port Angeles.
--
"I hope you like Italian." Edward stated, his tone almost nervous as he pulled into the parking lot of La Bella Italia. I smiled at the quaint establishment as he instructed me to stay seated. I gave him a confused glance but then smiled, as he appeared not seconds later at the passenger door.
"You didn't have to do that." I whispered, feeling my cheeks heat at his chivalrous gesture.
"It doesn't hurt to be polite, Bella. Besides, Esme wouldn't expect any less of me." I nodded, laughing a bit as an image of Edward as a young boy and Esme teaching him the importance of holding doors flashed before my eyes.
"Thank you." I stated, taking his outstretched hand as he pulled me toward the front doors of the restaurant.
"Reservation for Cullen." He spoke quietly once we were in front of the hostess. She smiled, all perfect teeth and blue eyes. My self-esteem took a small hit as Edward returned a polite smile.
"Of course." She smirked, her perfectly manicured hand extending a way toward a small booth near the front bay window.
I stood close to Edward, winding my fingers more thoroughly through his in a sorry attempt to display my particular possessiveness toward the beautiful man that stood before me.
Edward squeezed my hand back, throwing me a smirk as if he knew exactly what I was up to.
Edward waited until I was seated before he took his place opposite me.
"Enjoy your meal." The hostess stated warmly, throwing another blinding smile to Edward before she left the table. I huffed inwardly.
I glared a bit at the ruby red fabric of the cloth that covered our little table, reaching for the napkin that sat in all its perfect folded glory.
Edward reached a gentle hand toward my own, folding our fingers around one another. He chuckled a bit.
"What?" I questioned, afraid that my insecurities were blatantly obvious to his perceptive form.
"Nothing, you're just cute when you're jealous is all." I felt my cheeks darken with embarrassment and I threw him a glare.
"Shush you." I warned, trying and failing in my efforts to secure an annoyed set about my features. He was just too difficult to be mad at for long.
He chuckled at me again and this time I indulged him with my own giggle or two.
"This is really nice." I stated after a few moments, smiling as I let my eyes venture across the inside of the quaint restaurant. It wasn't overly busy, and it smelled divine like pasta and cheese and chocolate. I wondered briefly if he had been here before, or if maybe he had taken Addie here during their courtship. I shook the thought away almost as immediately as it occurred.
Tonight was about Edward and Bella not Edward and Addie. And although I would like to think that this would be his first time taking a date to this particular restaurant, I wasn't going to spoil our evening with 'what-ifs'.
"The food here is amazing. Esme and Carlisle used to bring us here once a month or so when we were younger. After we started high school and dad got busier at work we stopped coming as often, but I thought you would enjoy it. After all it is La Bella Italia." He teased.
I smiled, happy to know that this is a place he held close to his heart. A place he wanted to share with me.
"It sounds wonderful!" I exclaimed, just as our waiter arrived to take our drink orders.
"A coke please." I whispered politely, and waited as he penned down Edward's order as well.
"What's your favorite?" I asked after a moment, the menu itself was huge and I ventured to guess that if I stood it up on end it would block my entire view of Edward.
"There's a lot to choose from, but any of the spaghetti dishes are good. The ravioli is my personal favorite, Emmett's a fan of the chicken Parmesan and Alice almost always opts for the lasagna." He spoke, his tone wistful as he thought of his siblings.
I nodded, looking back toward the menu. Ravioli sounds good. I thought to myself, looking at the various selections they offered.
"Mmm mushroom ravioli sounds good." I whispered to myself, dropping my menu to see Edward smiling at me.
"That's my favorite." He laughed, and I took the sound in, noting how carefree he seemed in this atmosphere, away from his studies and away from work. He was just…Edward. And he was sharing that part of himself with me. I felt giddy.
Our drinks arrived and dinner was ordered, all the while I was having trouble taking my eyes off of Edward. He was sharing bits or random facts about his various trips into this city when he was little. He was remembering bringing Alice here for the first time after her adoption and how protective he felt of her even though they were around the same age.
"She was so tiny, more so than now even though that seems hard to believe. Emmett used to call her his little Barbie. He still does sometimes. She hates that." He laughed to himself.
"Have you ever traveled outside of your move from Chicago?" I wondered aloud, liking this Edward that was so eager to venture through his past memories. It was mesmerizing the way he spoke, his face would change, and light up as various images came to be in his mind.
"Well…no not really. I lived in Illinois all my life, even after I was adopted. I've been to Oregon a couple of times, Portland has lots of shopping centers so, of course, Alice likes to visit there."
"Yea that makes sense, Alice loves to shop." We never broached the subject of his adoption and I wondered momentarily if he would allow me to ask him questions about it.
"Can I ask you something?" I wondered, keeping my voice tentative, letting him know we were shifting from lighthearted banter to more serious subjects.
"Of course." He stated, taking a deep sip from his coke.
"Can you tell me about your adoption?" I asked, my voice so low for a moment I had to wonder at if he had heard me at all.
He stared at me for a moment, his face unreadable. He didn't seem saddened or angered by my curiosity. He seemed more contemplative than anything else.
"You don't have to say anything, I'm sorry if I upset you." I reached for his hand in an apologetic gesture. He just shook his head back and forth.
"No, no. I'll tell you. I was just caught off guard I guess… I haven't discussed it with many people." He told me honestly.
I could see him searching then, attempting to organize his thoughts so that he could relay them in an understandable manner to me. I was relieved that he wasn't angry with me or annoyed at my question. I remained quiet while he processed.
"I was four when Esme and Carlisle adopted me. There were some complications during Esme's pregnancy with Emmett that prevented her from having anymore children, and so adoption just seemed like the natural choice for her." He shifted in his seat, and I gave him a patient smile.
"I was born in Chicago and had lived there my whole life up until that point. My parent's names were Elizabeth and Edward Mason. I don't remember much of them, but Esme was good friends with my mother. They were on some sort of committee together. They died in a car accident around my fourth birthday." I scooted myself closer to him on the bench, I could see that this was upsetting him more than he cared to let on.
"If you don't want to talk about it Edward you don't have to. I understand if it makes you sad." He gave me a sad smile, wrapping his arm around my waist.
"I didn't really think much of it when I was four…I didn't really understand. The sad part is that I never got a chance to know them and now all I have are pictures and a few home videos." I nodded my understanding.
"I don't really remember much after that. It seemed I went from my house to Esme's in a matter of weeks. Emmett and I were the same age so I gained a friend and a brother. But I remember being sad sometimes, missing my mother. Esme says I used to ask for her all the time the first year I stayed with them." He shrugged. "It's not much of a story, nothing too dramatic, just sad I guess. But I am happy, I love Esme and Carlisle and I'm grateful everyday for my being adopted by a good, caring family.
"You are very lucky." I agreed, resting my head on his shoulder.
Our food came soon after and we ate in relative silence. We both shared comments about how good the meal was and we ordered a Tiramisu to share after we had finished dinner.
"I love Tiramisu!" I exclaimed excitedly as the waiter walked away with our order. Edward chuckled a bit at my enthusiasm.
"Yea, it's really good." He kissed me on the cheek in agreement.
"This was really fun, Edward. Thank you." He gave me a crooked smile, pulling my body closer to his and pressing his lips softly to my own.
"The nights not over yet, silly. Dinner is just the beginning. I was hoping to take a walk along the beach, it's beautiful at night down by the port." I smiled at the thoughtfulness.
"That sounds lovely." I admitted, taking in the feeling of nearness and wholeness I felt at being in such close proximity to him. He smelled so good; it was so familiar and so…Edward. I leaned my face into the side of his neck attempting to be conspicuous as I inhaled the scent of soap and spice that was so unique to him.
--
The beach was cooler than normal, but of course Edward had anticipated this, which is why I was comfortably wrapped inside a thick blanket.
I had kicked my flats off and was carrying them as I dug my toes into the cool, grainy texture of the moon-washed sand.
"I'm glad we did this." I spoke after a few moments of walking in silence. I felt him wrap his arms around me from behind and pull me closer to the water. He pulled the blanket from around my arms and set it down on the sand before pulling me down on top of it.
He lay backwards and I joined him, resting my head against the strong muscles of his chest.
"I'm glad you suggested it. Although I do apologize for not having thought of it earlier. A date is usually something couples do." I shrugged, turning my face toward his so I could read his expression.
"We're not like most couples." I reminded him, throwing him a teasing smirk.
He turned his face back up to the sky, winding his arm up and around my shoulders, holding me to him.
"I suppose were not." I felt and heard him sigh, his breath coming out in a swirl of fog. I wrapped my arms around him in an effort to keep him warm.
He was silent, and I worried at what I had said.
"What's wrong?" I spoke, voicing my thoughts aloud. He sighed again.
"I'm sorry." He whispered after a moment. I gave him a confused look but he didn't seem to see it.
"Sorry for what?" He hadn't done anything. At least not something I knew off. I had a moment of sheer panic. What if he had something equivalent to Addie's suicide that he had yet to tell me? I don't think I could handle hearing that right now.
"Sorry that we aren't like most couples. Sorry that we can't have a normal relationship." I sat up on my elbows so that I was looking down at him. His voice seemed so sad, almost… regretful. Was he regretting our relationship? My face paled.
"Are you not happy with our relationship?" I wondered, hoping to whomever was listening that this wasn't the case. We had made so much progress tonight, I felt so much more comfortable having spent this time with him. Was it all for nothing? Did it have the opposite effect on him?
"What?" His eyes shot to me and for a second he held an almost furious expression. I shuddered.
"Bella don't be silly, I'm so happy that I have you. That's not what I meant at all!" He promised, lifting his hand that wasn't wrapped around me to cradle my face.
"What did you mean?" I felt the irrational tears sting at the backs of my eyes. I told myself I wasn't going to cry, and I wouldn't…that wouldn't be fair.
"I was referring to my having Andy. And how he factors into our relationship." I felt my breath exit my lungs in a relieved whoosh.
"Edward, I'm not resentful toward the fact that you have a child." I gave him an incredulous glare.
"Well I know you're not resentful toward him, but…in a sense…Andy holds me back from putting everything I have into this relationship. Into any relationship, really." He looked away from my face, his mind lost in a thoughtful state.
"I will never be able to give you my full self. I will never be able to do something on a whim without factoring him into the equation. Don't get me wrong I love Andy, he's my everything…but sometimes I wish I could be more for my family, more for you." He trailed off, his gaze everywhere but me.
I pulled his face back to mine, the irrational tears forming at the corners of my eyes.
"Edward. Don't think like that. You're circumstance with Andy, it's difficult, but it's not something sad. He's not some sort of punishment and he's not a hindrance to our relationship. I love Andy, he's amazing and fun and beautiful. And he is that way because of you. He loves you and you love him and I admire the care you have for him. He will always be your number one, and I don't have a problem with that. He's your child, Edward. You aren't taking anything away from me by bringing him into my life; you're giving me a chance to get to know a little, amazing person. To take care of him in whatever way I can. It brings me happiness to see him smile, and the way he looks at you when you come home. It's worth all the obstacles we have had to face in our relationship." I could feel my cheeks moisten with tear-trails and I felt Edward softly brush the pads of his thumbs along my face to catch them.
He pulled my face closer to his, leaning up ever so slightly to press his lips to mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling myself as close to him as possible. Our lips molded to one another, and the intensity of it all was almost overwhelming. I was so honest with him, and I needed him to understand that he didn't need to worry about having Andy. I loved Andy as if he were my own son, not that I would say that to Edward. At least not yet. It didn't seem entirely appropriate, what with news of Addie's suicide so fresh in my mind.
His lips were warms and soft against mine. I felt him wrap his arms around my middle, holding me to him, and it made the gesture all the more intimate when he began capturing my tears with his lips, kissing away the evidence of my sadness.
"Thank you." He whispered after a few moments. I smiled at him, allowing my fingers to trace the planes of his face and neck, my lips following the path of my hands.
"Bella?" He asked after a few moments. I pulled my face away from his neck, searching his face.
"Yes?" I questioned.
"I love you, Bella."