Disclaimer: The anime Death Note and it's characters do not belong to me; they belong to their rightful creators writer Tsugumi Ohba and manga artist Takeshi Obata. However; the OC in this FanFiction belongs to my cousin.
Chapter Twenty-Five: page.4 Shinigami
Mion wasn't like them anymore.
The hours that flew by Mion day in and day out, felt like years, every time. When she'd lie awake, unable to sleep, the dawning sun couldn't have come any slower.
When the sun's rays finally poured through the curtains, bringing forth another day, Mion could only ask herself, ' how many years have passed? '
To her, these long nights were exceptionally extensive because, to be honest, she missed the sun. Having to stare so aimlessly at the walls or her bedsheets, could only do so much for a deteriorating mind; she could feel herself age with every minute, and even sometimes, Mion hoped to have died to that final tick of an imaginary clock. She hoped for this ending, along the blanket creases she traced; she prayed that something would take her silently before the sun approaches, and she is to be congratulated of living through another Hellish night.
But again, on days like that, where she can only toss and turn, were the days that B was all Mion could think about. It was hard to block him out on these days, because she felt guilt, rising, like stomach acids burning her esophagus.
' It's my fault that those people had to die...! '
She had confronted L of these nights in particular, but rather than comforting her, he simply ordered Roger to give Mion sleeping pills.
Mion wouldn't even take them honestly. Despite how horribly tired she would be in the day, or when she'd collapse due to exhaustion, the numbing feeling of after effects weren't worth it.
Besides... These painful memories were all Mion had of B's existence, and if everything that happened to her was even true.
The nights where she'd lie on her back and stare into the ceiling, was when her thoughts would race the most. Maybe it was the floorboards or the ceiling at this angle, but Mion could remember B's face the best here.
" If you aren't taking the medication, Mion, maybe you'd be more interested in keeping a journal? To keep your mind off of B during the night. It was something Watari made me do as a child, where I'd also face restless nights. "
" You're actually suggesting something worth listening to, L. I'm proud of this sudden development," Mion replied sarcastically.
" Well, I can't bear to lose you, Mion. You knew B, better than anyone else here. You are my only lead. I need you still. "
" Is that so? "
" In any case, Mion, if it even makes you feel better, you can also write about B, himself. Maybe by doing this, suppressed memories will surface, and I'll be able to find, and detain B. "
" Now wouldn't that be a dream, " she sighed. " I'll take you up on that offer of a journal though; I actually think that might work better. "
" You might even be so bored of writing that you end up falling asleep! "
Mion's deadened face, lightened up to such a comment, and a smile crept upon her face. A giggle escaped her throat, as she decided to play along with L's synthetic humor, " is that what happened to you, L? "
" Yes of course. You don't understand how tiring it was for me to write night after night like I did. It came to the point where one night, I just collapsed and slept like a log. I think that was the only night where Watari found me in such a state. It was quite relaxing, and did wonders on my small body. "
Mion didn't like L.
She hated him with every fiber in her body. Maybe the lack of sleep was taking it's toll over her, and she couldn't help but feel amused to L's attempts. In her head, she thought that L knew how much she was suffering, and that's why, finally, tried to be a little bit more compassionate. But of course, these were only mere thoughts of Mion, and her buzzing brain just wanted to make something good out of all this stress.
" Sounds good to me, " she replied with a small smile, and for once, felt her heart ache, saying her goodbyes.
Her brain made her feel like L actually understood her.
Even if that weren't really the case, it was all Mion had in this world now.
Not even A's spirit would help her.
A.
A... The sweet boy who wanted to please everybody. The annoyingly cheerful kid, who just wanted everybody else to be happy.
" I miss A, " Mion managed to whisper with a wavering voice. Mion had lost the ability to cry in tears, a little while back - crying day after day - it had that effect on her. " L, do you think B blames himself? Or me? "
" Mion; B blames me. "
Mion paused.
Was that regret she heard? Was it guilt, seeping through clenched teeth?
Mion's heart fluttered.
She knew better than anyone that B did, indeed, blame L. She remembered faintly, B mentioning to her that he was going to become the greatest criminal, and corner L. Prove to the world how pathetic and cowardly he was. He wanted to humiliate the other male, strip him bare of everything and hang him by ankles. Let the blood rush to his head...
" If I had known... "
" Innocent people died, L, " she pressed. " They weren't even noble sacrifices... They were... Toys. "
" I understand... And that's why it's important that we catch B. I can't let anymore pointless deaths happen as such. "
" Good-bye, L. "
" Don't forget the journal, Z. "
She nodded, and heard the dial tone fill her ears.
Mion stood and returned the cellphone to Roger before heading back to her room. This had become of her life after returning. She didn't even attempt conversation with the other orphans anymore. To her, it was like, the pathway to Roger's office and hers, were the only places visible to her eyes. The only narrow ground that mattered to her anymore.
Maybe out in the deserted corner where A's room used to be, was a blurred out world. But no, even that didn't necessarily matter anymore.
Where A died?
No. Only his lively face could flood her memories.
The Wammy orphan lay, sprawled on her bed and, again, couldn't sleep. She couldn't dare close her eyes - not with B's eyes boring into hers.
Don't leave me.
She heard, echoed cries, and laughed rather wryly.
For once in her insomniac state, she wished for the moon to rise, and it be her only nightlight. She was ready to jot down a few things about B.
ENTRY ONE:
Imagine yourself about to kill someone. What do you think the hardest part would be?
Three. Two. One... Time's up!
The correct answer: Killing someone.
Hello to myself; I am Mion Zala. Formally known as 'Z'. I'm currently fourteen-years old, but will be turning fifteen in early April.
I'm an orphan, as you already know, and I should be a proud member of the Wammy's House, but I'm not. To me, an orphanage is an orphanage, and there's nothing special about being parentless. The only thing supposedly special about here is that only the orphans of gifted minds are allowed to be here. Like your brain is your right of passage. It's kind of stupid, but hey, I'm not the one making the rules around here.
It's about 2 a.m., and I'm having another one of those sleepless nights.
L suggested that I wrote in a journal to keep my mind busy with other things besides possibly killing myself.
Hm... Remember that... Just a few months ago, you had friends named B and A?
Yeah, I definitely remember them. Sadly, they aren't necessarily my friends anymore.
You see... What happened was that... A committed suicide over the pressures of becoming L, and B ran away... Taking me with him...
Her fingers couldn't sit still and her arm silently convulsed.
As her eyes clouded themselves with burning tears, she wiped down her hands with her pajama shirt, and fell back on her stomach.
Reminiscing was a lot harder than she thought it'd be.
Yet she continued:
B killed innocent people and he let me escape. I honestly don't know where he is, or what's he truly planning in that head of his anymore.
Remember that little intro I just did?
Any normal person would agree that simply killing somebody is hard enough; but to B - it was normal for him. At least, that's the impression I've gotten over the time I was "kidnapped" by him.
Of all the things to vent out his frustrations, taking it out on L and strangers was no way to fix anything. Yet he did it.
I want to help him. I need to help him.
But L is taking his time sending some help. He has no leads other than my own testimony, but we don't even know where B's exact location is.
I hate sitting around here.
B needs me. I know he does. When he let me go, I know that behind the malice, B - my roommate - still existed. I know he's alive - underneath Beyond Birthday, sure, but he's there. I need to talk to him, I need to help him.
I... Need to talk to L.
She couldn't bear to be so powerless.
Though it was only night one of her nightly journals, Mion eventually grew tired of writing, and talking to herself. Since nobody was really on the other end of this conversation, Mion slowly, but surely, remembered how lonely she truly was. How puffy her eyes felt and how soft her icy irises must've looked.
Mion still looked like a ragged mess, but she was definitely a different person than that girl a few months back.
She remembered herself as rather distant, rash and rather snappish. Defensive and very... Cold. She didn't want anything to do with the orphans around here, yet here she was again, making the same goddamn mistake as before.
Growing attached was not on this child's agenda.
However; as Mion's pen fell slowly from her fingertips, she couldn't help but tell herself, ' this problem is bigger than me. '
I really may just be sitting here... But if this journal can actually bring back a few forgotten memories, I can help L find B, and bring him home. Even though L blames himself for all this, I still can't help but feel partially responsible. Someone like me had no voice to a crazed, B - I could've stopped him if I were stronger - if I wasn't so selfish, maybe that innocent family could've been spared.
Mion felt better pinning the blame on herself. She wanted to be punished for her sins.
She was in desperate need of Death's embrace.
Why did you leave us, A?
A/N's: Sorry I haven't updated in so long.
This year has been crazy stressful for me, and I've been suffering writer's block due to it. It's never been this intense before, so I had to wait it out and draw... Being creative in other ways than writing.. owo
But here I am, I'm back! And I'm ready to continue Beyond Her Limit! I hope that nobody forgot about it, ehe. I'll be sure to get the new chapter up soon. I'll be sure of it, this time.
Thank you for your time. C: